The works of Francis Bacon, lord chancellor of England.

340 APOLOGY CONCERNING THE EARL OF ESSEX.
ever was, that you intended ever to reform his wheresoever she saw me; and at such time as 1
mind, and not ruin his fortune: I know well you desired to speak with her about law-business,
cannot but think that you have drawn the humour ever sent me forth very slight refusals, insomuch
sufficiently; and, therefore, it were more than as it is most true, that immediately after Newtime, and it were but for doubt of mortifying or year's-tide I desired to speak with her, and being
exulcerating, that you did apply and minister admitted to her, I dealt with her plainly; and
strength and comfort unto him: for these same said 1, Madam, I see you withdraw your favour
gradations of yours are fitter to corrupt, than cor- from me, and now I have lost many friends for
rect any mind of greatness." And another time your sake, I shall lose you too: you have put
I remember she told me for news, That my lord me like one of those that the Frenchmen call
had written unto her some very dutiful letters, " enfans perdus," that serve on foot before horseand that she had been moved by them; and when men; so have you put me into matters of envy
she took it to be the abundance of his heart, she without place, or without strength; and I know
found it to be but a preparative to a suit for the at chess a pawn before the king is ever much
renewing of his farm of sweet wines. WNhere- played upon; a great many love me not, because
unto I replied, c"O madam, how doth your ma- they think I have been against my Lord of
jesty construe these things, as if these two could Essex; and you love me not, because you know I
not stand well together, which, indeed, nature have been for him; yet will I never repent me,
hath planted in all creatures! For there are but that I have dealt in simplicity of heart towards
two sympathies, the one towards perfection, the you both, without respect of cautions to myself;
other towards preservation; that to perfection, as and, therefore,, vivus vidensque pereo;' if I do
the iron tendeth to the loadstone; that to preserva- break my neck, I shall do it in a manner as Mr.
tion, as the vine will creep towards a stake or Dorrington did it, which walled on the battleprop that stands by it; not for any love to the ments of the church many days, and took a view
stake, but to uphold itself. And, therefore, ma- and survey where he should fall. And, so, madam, you must distinguish: my lord's desire to dam, said I, I am not so simple but that I take a
do you service is, as to his perfection, that which prospect of mine overthrow; only I thought I
he thinks himself to be born for; whereas his would tell you so much, that you may know that
desire to obtain this thing of you, is but for a sus- it was faith, and not folly that brought me into it,
tentation." and so I will pray for you." Upon which
And, not to trouble your lordship with many speeches of mine, uttered with some passion, it is
other particulars, like unto these, it was at the true her majesty was exceedingly moved; and
selfsame time that I did draw, with my lord's accumulated a number of kind and gracious words
privity, and by his appointment, two letters, the upon me, and willed me to rest upon this,
one written as from my brother, the other as an " Gratia mea sufficit," and a number of other
answer returned from my lord, both to be by me sensible and tender words and demonstrations,
in secret manner showed to the queen, which it such as more could not be; but as touching my
pleased my lord very strangely to mention at the Lord of Essex,, ne verbum quidem." Wherebar; the scope of which were but to represent upon I departed, resting then determined to meldand picture forth unto her majesty my lord's mind die no more in the matter; as that that I saw
to be such, as I knew her majesty would fainest would overthrow me, and not be able to do him
have had it: which letters whosoever shall see, any good. And thus I made mine own peace
for they cannot now be retracted or altered, being with mine own confidences at that time; and
by reason of my brother's or his lordship's ser- this was the last time I saw her majesty before
vants' delivery long since come into divers hands, the eighth of February, which was the day of my
let him judge, especially if he knew the queen, Lord of Essex his misfortune; after which time,
and do remember those times, whether they were for that I performed at the bar in my public sernot the labours of one that sought to bring the vice, your lordship knoweth, by the rules of duty,
queen about for my Lord of Essex his good. The that I was to do it honestly, and without prevatruth is, that the issue of all his dealing grew to rication; but for my putting myself into it, I
this, that the queen, by some slackness of my protest before God, I never moved either the
lord's, as I imagine, liked him worse and worse, queen, or any person living, concerning my being
and grew more incensed towards him. Then she used in the service, either of evidence or examiremembering belike the continual, and incessant, nation; but it was merely laid upon me with the
and confident speeches and courses that I had rest of my fellows. And for the time which
held on my lord's side, became utterly alienated passed, I mean between the arraignment and my
from me, and for the space of, at least, three lord's suffering, I well remember, I was but once
months, which was between Michaelmas and with the queen, at what time, though I durst not
New-year's-tide following, would not so much -deal directly for my lord as things then stood,
as look on me, but turned away from me
look on me, but turned away from me Query conscience, but note that in the first edition it is
with express and purpose-like discountenance confidence.