Michiganensian. [1899]

The People vs. Sanger.
REPORTED BY D. F. D.
DHE eventful day had arrived. All Ann Arbor was astir at an
early hour. To the spacious quarters of the Practice Court
people flocked from all directions, and long before the curtain
was rung up all the available seating capacity was occupied.
Such a stupendous attraction had never struck town before. It
beat any three ring circus sky high. A menagerie of sea serpents
would cut no ice compared to the trial of Hinky Dink Sanger with
Pat Egan as the leading man.
Truly Pat Egan was a celebrity in every sense, and when the
President of the Good Government Club secured his services in
behalf of H. D. Sanger, the whole county applauded and the opportunity of his
life was presented.
Hinky Dink Sanger, Jr., was charged with the murder of Hazen Pingree Wisner. The indictment charged that "on the 2nd day of February, A. D., 1899,
said Sanger knowingly, willingly and with great pleasure, did waylay the said H. P.
Wisner, and contrary to the peace of the State, did feloniously stab the aforesaid
Wisner with a billiard cue, and that as a result of the wound, the said Wisner
expired, uttering a fierce invective against corporations, corporate control of
natural monopolies, and lead pipe cinches."
The trial had already lasted several weeks and the next thing in order was
Egan's address to the jury, and this address was the drawing card. After the prosecuting attorneys had exhausted their peremptory challenges and vocabularies, the
mighty Egan arose and thus spoke:
"May it please the Court: I desire that the jury be given a recess of twenty
minutes as I desire to consult the authorities on the Jewish law governing corpus
delicti.
(Judge Bogle kindly refuses the request).
Gentlemen of the jury, you see that the Court is agin me and I come into your
august presence, well knowing that you hold in your hands the hay scales of justice,
and that you are the reservoir of equity jurisprudence and practical instruction
(I. T. of C. ), and that if you will but lift the gates, a deluge of liberty, justice and
humanity will swoop down upon my client and restore him to his friends right side
up, ready to vote early and often on the burning issues of the day. (Robert Egan
Dye is overcome).
From the testimony in this case I know you will conclude that every witness
for the State swore to a base, undiluted, Ananiasean lie. They are all political
opponents of my client, but gentlemen you can't keep a good man down. The