The monastery; The abbot.

348 WAVERLEY NOVELS.
" Silence, my mates!" said Howleglas; " cannot two learned Fathers of
the Church hold communion together, but you must come here with your
bear-garden whoop and hollo, as if you were hounding forth a mastiff upon
a mad bull? I say silence! and let this learned Father and me confer,
touching matters affecting our mutual state and authority."
"My children"-said Father Ambrose.
" My children too, - and happy children they are!" said his burlesque
counterpart; "many a wise child knows not its own father, and it is well
they have two to choose betwixt."
"If thou hast aught in thee, save scoffing and ribaldry," said the real
Abbot, "permit me, for thine own soul's sake, to speak a few words to
these misguided men."
"Aught in me but scoffing, sayest thou?" retorted the Abbot of Unreason;
"why, reverend brother, I have all that becomes mine office at this time
a-day-I have beef, ale, and brandy-wine, with other condiments not worth
mentioning; and for speaking, man-why, speak away, and we will have
turn about, like honest fellows."
During this discussion the wrath of Magdalen Greme had risen to the
uttermost; she approached the Abbot, and placing herself by his side, said
in a low and yet distinct tone-" Wake and arouse thee, Father-the sword
of Saint Peter is in thy hand - strike and avenge Saint Peter's patrimony I
-Bind them in the chains which, being riveted by the church on earth, are
riveted in Heaven "
" Peace, sister i" said the Abbot; " let not their madness destroy our discretion - I pray thee, peace, and let me do mine office. It is the first, peradventure it may be the last time, I shall be called on to discharge it."
"Nay, my holy brother!" said Howleglas, "I rede you, take the holy
sister's advice-never throve convent without woman's counsel."
" Peace, vain man!" said the Abbot; " and you, my brethren —"
"Nay, nay!" said the Abbot of Unreason, "no speaking to the lay
people, until you have conferred with your brother of the cowl. I swear
by bell, book, and candle, that no one of my congregation shall listen to
one word you have to say; so you had as well address yourself to me who
will."
To escape a conference so ludicrous, the Abbot again attempted an appeal
to what respectful feelings might yet remain amongst the inhabitants of the
Halidome, once so devoted to their spiritual Superiors. Alas! the Abbot
of Unreason had only to flourish his mock crosier, and the whooping, the
hallooing, and the dancing, were renewed with a vehemence which would
have defied the lungs of Stentor.
"And now, my mates," said the Abbot of Unreason, "once again dight
your gabs and be hushed-let us see if the Cock of Kennaquhair will fight
or flee the pit."
There was again a dead silence of expectation, of which Father Ambrose
availed himself to address his antagonist, seeing plainly that he could gain
an audience on no other terms. "Wretched man!" said he, "hast thou no
better employment for thy carnal wit, than to employ it in leading these
blind and helpless creatures into the pit of utter darkness?"
"Truly, my brother," replied Howleglas, "I can see little difference
betwixt your employment and mine, save that you make a sermon of a jest,
and I make a jest of a sermon."
" Unhappy being," said the Abbot, "who hast no better subject of pleasantry than that which should make thee tremble-no sounder jest than
thine own sins, and no better objects for laughter than those who can
absolve thee from the guilt of them!"
"Verily, my reverend brother," said the mock Abbot, "what you say
might be true, if, in laughing at hypocrites, I meant to laugh at religion.Oh, it is a precious thing to wear a long dress, with a girdle and a covwl