Salmagundi; or, The whim-whams and opinions of Launcelot Langstaff, esq. [pseud.] and others. By William Irving, James Kirke Paulding and Washington Irving. Printed from the original ed., with a preface and notes by Evert A. Duyckinck.

LAUNCELOT LANGSTAFF. 155
chance the lady was cooped up in the poet's corner of every
weekly paper; and at length Pindar attacked her with a sonnet, that took up a whole column, in which he enumerated at
least a dozen cardinal virtues, together with innumerable others
of inferior consideration. Launcelot saw his case was desperate,
and that unless he sat down forthwith, be-cherubimed and
be-angeled her to the skies, and put every virtue under the sun
in requisition, he might as well go hang himself, and so make an
end of the business. At it, therefore, he went; and was going
on very swimmingly, for in the space of a dozen lines he had
enlisted under her command at least three score and ten substantial house-keeping virtues, when unlucklily for Launcelot's
reputation as a poet and the lady's as a saint, one of those confounded good thoughts struck his laughter-loving brain-it was
irresistible; away he went, full sweep before the wind, cutting
and slashing, and tickled to death with his own fun: the consequence was, that by the time he had finished, never was poor
lady so most ludicrously lampooned since lampooning came into
fashion. But this was not half; so hugely was Launcelot
pleased with this frolic of his wits, that nothing would do but
he must show it to the lady, who, as well she might, was mortally offended, and forbid him her presence. My friend was in
despair, but, through the interference of his generous rival, was
permitted to make his apology, which, however, most unluckily
happened to be rather worse than the original offence; for
though he had studied an eloquent compliment, yet as ill-luck
would have it, a most preposterous whim-wham knocked at his
pericranium, and inspired him to say some consummate good
things, which, all put together, amounted to a downright hoax,
and provoked the lady's wrath to such a degree, that sentence
of eternal banishment was awarded against him.