Europe and elsewhere, by Mark Twain [pseud.] [with an appreciation by Brander Matthews and an introduction by Albert Bigelow Paine]

TO THE PERSON SITTING IN DARKNESS
the bad Spanish Government-fooled them, used
them until we needed them no longer; then derided
the sucked orange and threw it away. We kept the
positions which we had beguiled them of; by and
by, we moved a force forward and overlapped patriot
ground-a clever thought, for we needed trouble,
and this would produce it. A Filipino soldier, crossing the ground, where no one had a right to forbid
him, was shot by our sentry. The badgered patriots
resented this with arms, without waiting to know
whether Aguinaldo, who was absent, would approve
or not. Aguinaldo did not approve; but that availed
nothing. What we wanted, in the interest of Progress
and Civilization, was the Archipelago, unencumbered by patriots struggling for independence; and
War was what we needed. We clinched our opportunity. It is Mr. Chamberlain's case over againat least in its motive and intention; and we played
the game as adroitly as he played it himself."
At this point in our frank statement of fact to the
Person Sitting in Darkness, we should throw in a
little trade taffy about the Blessings of Civilizationfor a change, and for the refreshment of his spiritthen go on with our tale:
"We and the patriots having captured Manila,
Spain's ownership of the Archipelago and her sovereignty over it were at an end-obliterated-annihilated-not a rag or shred of either remaining
behind. It was then that we conceived the divinely
humorous idea of buying both of these specters from
Spain! [It is quite safe to confess this to the Person
Sitting in Darkness, since neither he nor any other
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