The life and letters of Benjamin Jowett, M. A., master of Balliol college, Oxford.

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Lzfe of Benjamin Jowett

has revived and the disease seems to have left her-she is
however so very weak that we are quite uncertain about her
recovery, which can only be a very slow one. All last week
she must have been very near death. I am glad that you
saw her. I cannot thank you enough for your kind letter.
So you wish me to marry. I don't wonder at this when
I see and rejoice to see how happy and successful the experiment has been in your case. But I have come to the conclusion
that I am better as I am now. I could not marry without
giving up Balliol, on which my life has been spent, and probably signing the XXXIX Articles over again, or having to make
a statement of opinions to a Bishop, if I took a living or could
get a Deanery or Canonry: and I am obliged always to deduct
about ~4oo a year from my income (this is a matter which
I never mention and do not you mention; it has continued
nearly twenty-five years-I never like to speak or to think
of it). The position at Balliol is a painful one, but I get more
used to it, and I think the influence and usefulness, if I may
say so, are greater or, certainly, not less. My chief desire is
to make the most of the years that remain. I am glad of this
additional ~460 a year because it will enable me to do a great
deal more than I do at present in the Professorship in the
way of composition and additional lectures, and also leave
more leisure for permanent work.
Life has had a good deal of painfulness to me (not this
matter of the Professorship, or the attacks of people in the
newspapers). But I always feel that I have had a wonderful
compensation in the devotion and attachment of friends and
pupils. 'No one has better friends' (don't you think so?), and
among them I reckon you and Lady Augusta.