The womens advocate, or, Fifteen real comforts of matrimony: being in requital of the late fifteen sham-comforts : with satyrical reflections on whoring, and the debauchery of this age / written by a person of quality of the female sex.

THE Fifteenth Real Comfort. OF Matrimony.

OH! But the man does not love Hairs in his Porridge. And yet sluts are generally very kind. For when the Soul∣diers in Scotland wanted Onion-sawce for their Wild-Ducks, the woman of the House, to supply their wants, was contented free∣ly to part with the onely Clove of Garlick she had in the world, which her Child for several days had eat and shit out again to cure the Worms. I must tell ye, a sluttish Wife inures a man to the inconvenien∣cies of War, where a man-does not always

meet with clean sheets or Sun-Tavern Cooks. Sows are the most nastie crea∣tures in the world, and yet none more pro∣fitable or better Flesh. Persumes are of∣cures. And how frequently do we sind that men forsake their wives Sweet-bags, to have a touch with their greasie Cook∣maids? If the Woman be a slut, yet the man has this comfort, that she's fair, or else the Proverb's a confounded lyar. Now there are certain creatures that having more potent enemies than themselves, roll themselves over head and ears i'the mud, to escape the danger that hangs over their heads. And thus fluttish wives conscious of their Beauty, roll themselves over head and ears in durt, to avoid the pursuit of wanton sollicitations, to the great advan∣tage and comfort of their husbands. Cleanliness is but a new Invention; Slut∣tery was the mode of the Grandmothers of our great great Grandmothers, when Romulus's wife wore a flannel Smock a whole twelvemonth together, and Aeneas wip'd his fingers upon his Doublet instead of a Napkin. Sluttery is an Emblem of the simplicity of the old World, before Pomp and Luxury cane in fashion. She

that never seeps the Cobwebs from her windows, has always an example and pat∣tern of diligence before her eyes; and then she has another good quality, that she keeps her Husband out of the Mercer's and Lace∣men's Books: and then her Victuals too costs little; for a T — d's as good for a Sow as a Pancake. Why should a man find fault with a slut, when Venus her self was born out of the scum of the Sea?

But then for her Virtues, a shut is a Wo∣man of Constancy. She ever was, and is, and what she is ever will be, a slut. With out any alteration or change of Humour, accorning to the usual Levity and incon∣stancy of her Sex.

In the next place it shews contempt of the folly and vanity of the world, which is one round in her Ladder to Heaven.

Now as for the man himself, this is certain, that a slut can onely offend his nose and his Eyes. Now what man would be so extreamly indulgent to his nose or his eyes, to discompose the whole frame of Natures Habitation for a Hogo in his Pork, or boyling his Pudding in his foul Night∣cap? I have known it rain butter'd Pease at a mans House, meerly because his wife brought him an Alchimy spoon onely

smear'd with a little Candle-grease. Yet who would not rather choose to feed on a good joynt of Mutton, though it fortun'd that the Dish-clout boyl'd jig by jowl with it all the while, than a dish of Frogs-legs, or fri'd Mice, though never so artificially cook't a-la-mode de France? Or who had not rather see his wives nasty Comb in the window, than the slap-dawdries of paint and Fucus?

So that men are to weigh the good with the bad; some men's meats are o∣ther men's poysons. What some men nauseate, is grateful to other mens sto∣machs: we are not to hate Cows, because Cheese is made of their Milk: and as a learned Divine once said, the pleasures of a Hog are not the pleasures of an Angel. And therefore in short, men are to take their lots, and either be Fools or Philoso∣phers. For as all Arguments in these Ca∣ses are uncertain, so must be the Conclusi∣ons.