The description of the state and si∣tuation of Theuingen, with the nature and disposition of the people there INHABITING.

THe land of Theuingen is a Countrey bordering vpon the famous and thrice renouned Citie* Gaza∣philatium: it is a Countrie vast, ful of desarts and thick woods: and although the land be mightily replenished with al sorts of nations and people, yet is it turned to no vse at al, neither for pasture nor arable, but only améere wildernesse, it hath béene a Countrey inhabited from the beginning, although not discouered so plainly heretofore as of late daies; people from all Countries daily resort Page  [unnumbered] and flocke thither for case and quietnesse, as the Prodi∣torians, Curtatoriences, Vacabundi Piratorij, Iesuites, Seminacies, and generally all of the Popes Sectaries, all murderers, out-lawes and fugitiues, Banckrouts and Brokers to the diuels grace, Parasits, day sléepers, and generally all that haue fought in defence of Lecheri∣tania: These are naturally giuen and inclined to idle∣nesse and lazie liues, insomuch that it commeth to passe, that being hungry they will steale one from another, and often cut one anothers throates: They neuer take paines for any thing they haue, and yet they haue all thinges without money. Their Béere is of that force, and so mightie, that it serueth them in steade of meate, drinke, fire, and apparrell, which they learne of their neighbour Drinktalians to brew: And they haue the praise aboue all other, farre beyond the Darbalians, the Labourinvaynalians or the Pymlyconians.

*Close vpon this Countrey East-ward, is situate a goodly, faire, and most rich Citie, called, as I said be∣fore Gazaphilacium: this Citie is very strongly defen∣ced, for it is inuironed about with a wall of Siluer bea∣ten out with the hammer; and yet for all this, the Inha∣bitants are very couetous, and fearefull to lose that which they haue got together. And for that it is so rich and opulent; all the whole world are daylie plot∣ting how to supprize the same, sometimes with polli∣cie, and sometimes by force: but aboue all the rest, they are troubled and pestered with the Theuengers that they are forced day and night to kéepe continuall watch and yet for all that, doe what they can, they are so pilled and robbed by them, vpon the Sea Coasts called Mare Discontentaneum, that often times they are driuen into great extasies and perplexities.

*These are altogether bent to Malancholy, and giuen much to be malecontent, for that the Sea Mare Discon∣tentaneum floweth often ouer the banckes of this Coun∣trey Page  [unnumbered] at euery full Moone; as also because this land being full of Créekes and small Riuers, which runne out and in this Sea, and the Inhabitants vsing to liue there∣of; hauing little or no other water for their sustenance and contentation, dooth so worke within their bodies, such a distemperature, that thereof procéedeth a maruei∣lous lumpishnesse and melancholy blockishnesse in their willes and dispositions, some to cruell murthers, others to plot Treasons, some to burne houses, and others to runne mad for reuenge; so that the Inhabitants round about them are wonderfully plagued with them, as thea Eatealians, theb Drunkalians,c Lecheritanians, and especially the Foolianders, who oftentimes are cousened and cheated of so much siluer and riches in an houre, as they haue béene gathering and raking together in tenne yeares before.

They are of a strange Religion, for they feare neither God nor y^e diuel: their first father wasdCaine, frō whence procéeded the race of Runagates, for after that Caine had murdred his brother, I suppose hee ran away out of his natiue country into this new found land to hide himself, wherin he liued some few yéeres & died, whose posterity from age to age haue possessed the same. And at this day there is a monument, called in times past Canabelse Py∣ramides; to blot out the remembrance of which, they haue inuented long Cannes and stone pottes, in forme of that monument, still retayning she forme, but altering the matter or substance.

They haue an imperiall seate of blacke and brit∣tle substance, and therefore subiect to mouldering, as fast therfore as that consumes away, there are work∣men daily appointed to maintain and repaire the same: there are 7.f wise Mast. of his councell, the wisest wherof once in foure & twenty houres, declares himselfe openly Page  [unnumbered] a notorious foole by custome: all their councell plotting and deuising is to surprise that goodly Citie Gazaphila∣tium: their minds are as braue as Caesars, for their wils must stand for lawes: they are possest with a very hu∣merous disposition of flattery, for they will looke you in the face smilingly, and in the meane time picke your pocket: And for their apparell they are so phantasticke, that to day they will goe in a sute of Sattin, and to mor∣row in tottered ragges, to day a pound, and to morrow nere a penny.

*They haue a language among themselues, composed of omnium gatherum; a glimering whereof one of late daies hath endeuoured to manifest, as farre as his Au∣thour is pleased to be an intelligencer; The substance whereof, he leaueth for those that will dilate thereof, en∣ough for him to haue the praise, other the paines, not∣withstanding Harmans ghost continually clogging his conscience with Sic vos non vobis.

Vpon their banners they display an Owle in an Iuy trée with this Motto procéeding out of his mouth, desertis desertus. Their houses are made cursary like our Coaches with foure whéeles that may be drawne from place to place, for they continue not long in a place: and although this Countrey be their owne by inheritance, yet now it is peopled and inhabited by the Eatealians, Drunkalians, and people of other nations, who do dwel and haue increased marueilously since the late discouery of this Countrey by Master I.H. Yea sometimes like to the Snaile they carry their houses about them,* like good husbands which are made and tempered of such fine stuffe, that when they are hungry they may féede thereof; insomuch oftentimes it comes to passe, that hauingeaten vp their lodging, they are faine to lie in the strubble for want of featherbeds.

They aboue all other people obserue that auncient commaund: Care not for to morrow, for to morrow will Page  [unnumbered] care for it selfe; imitating the men of the olde world, who taking vpon them the habite of pilgrims and Fryars, earry neither wallet nor scripp, nor yet oftentimes any money in their purses.

*In a large and spatious plain called Knaues-borough plaine, doth Don-Purloyningo kéepe his Court, which many men of sundry nations and trades haue desired to sée and to behold; who when they haue had their desire, and remained but some small time there, haue so fashio∣ned themselues to the manners and conditions of those people, that many haue from thenceforth turned Turks, smelled of the Countrey, and sauored of their detestable and vitious kinde of life all their daies after: and most of your trauellers hitherto are your vaine and curious Taylors, Myliners, Tyrewoman, Semsters, S. Martin obseruants, Shuttle-cocke and Farthingal makers, and twenty other occupations, who to fill the world full of vanities and toyes, care not whither they trauell, so they may finde out new fashions and fooleries to cousen and deceiue the whole Countrey againe.

*In this plaine are situate diuers petty villages and hamlets, as Filchington, Foystham, Nymington, Lift∣ington, Swearinghampton, the great and the little. These townes at first were made to entertaine and lodge all such Trauellers as came to sée that auncient seate of Don-Purloyningo, who were so named, as the Pharoes in Egypt, the Ptolomeys in Gréece, the Ce∣sars in Rome. Now people strangers finding the Coun∣trey very pleasant to inhabite, take vp their aboade and content themselues there to liue and die. The end of their trauell is not so much for curiosity, necessity or pleasure, as for their experience and learning: The rea∣die high way to this pallace; and the chiefe places of a∣boade and lodging in this iourney, I will bréefely set downe as fitting most directly for the Latitude of great Britaine, and generally for the whole world.

The first day then that they leaue their owne natiue Countrey, & begin to enter the Dominions of Don-Pur∣loyningo, they passe along a very faire Meddow, passing pleasant to the eye, which is in the confines and vtter∣most part of Foolania the lesse: but after halfe a daies iourney, they come to bogs and quagmyres, much like to them in Ireland, of which vnlesse they be very care∣full, they may quickly slippe vp ouer head and eares in myre.

*Hauing past the pikes of the first daies danger, they enter into a goodly faire Pallace, but inhabited by few, hauing this superscription ouer the gates, A Ethiopen la∣uas, whereupon our English Trauellers call it the La∣bour-in-Vaine: here many at the first are purposed to re∣maine and abide: but séeing the place very spatious and without any Inhabitants, and vsed onely as a Tap-house for Trauellers, they take it for their lodging the first night, and away they hast in the morning forward on their iourney.

The second day after thrée or foure myle, they ascend very high and craggy Mountaines,* farre passing the Clée or Mauluern hils in Wales, wher when they come downe againe, at the foote of these hilles standeth yet at this day, the Image of the Vicar of Saint Fooles, to which euery passenger before hee can passe, must offer vpon his knées for his passe and safe conduct through the Country of Foolania the great (Thirty Bord).

In the middle of this Countrie is built a very faire Citie called (Vanita) beautifull to the eye, but of no per∣manence, for it is built after such a slight manner,* that they are faine to re-edifie their houses, walls, and Tem∣ples euery yeare a new: This Citie is gouerned by a woman called Madona Instabilita,* sitting vpon an Impe∣riall Throne, farre excellent beyond the seate of Rome, she weares vpon her head seuen Imperiall Diadems: she is of that power and command, that she makes the Page  [unnumbered] proude Pope to be at her obeysance: yea and so rules in his Dominions that his land is altogether gouerned by her and her Councell.

Their Citie walles séeme to be made of chaungeable Taffety, their houses of painted papers, of sundry cul∣lours; they are busied all day about nothing but inuen∣ting of new fashions, of Tires, garments, behauiours,* spéeches, wordes, and Othes: In their apparell phanta∣sticall; their hats sometime of the Italian blocke, ano∣ther while of the French, and another time of the Spa∣nish: their Dublets with great bellies with the Duch∣men, and small skirts; sometimes with small skirts, and sléeues seamed, and quartered, as if they were to put on Armour of proofe, to fight vnder the bloody ensigne of the Duke of Shordich: their hose sometimes Spanish, like to Ship mens hose, and sometimes close to the but∣tocke like the Venetian galligascoigne: Lord, it would aske a whole Reame of paper to discribe their fashions; It were tedious likewise to speak of the variety of their Shooes, and of their Shooe-strings, Garters, Cuffes, Ruffes, Hat-bands, and all things they weare, not one moneth, nay scarse a wéeke doe they continue in one fa∣shion: for their liues they are dissolute in behauiour, A∣pish, doggish, and Swinish, according to the disposition of their bodies, flattering in spéech, deceitfull in words, and in Oathes not a diuell can surpasse them: In all sin they abound, because with them they haue a toleration, like to Rome, Omnia Venalia Romae. Our gallants in England come most néere them in fashions and beha∣uiour: too néere them, more is the pittie. Through this Citie thou maiest passe along, but sée thou tarry not long there, onely marke them and their fashions, as superfici∣ally as thou art able, least too much desiring their com∣pany, thou art forced in the end to crie out thus: O paine thou art compaine too nigh.

*Among the rest, this is to be noted, that in the midst Page  [unnumbered] of this City there issueth out of the earth, a spring in great abundance, which is walled about with Marble, and serueth the Inhabitants to bathe and wash them∣selues, much like to our bathes here in Europe, onely it is of another operation: The people there call this bath Tribulamenti fons; & it runneth from thence with a swift course along the fieldes and wayes with a thousand tur∣nings and wyndings, vntill it come to a stéepe promon∣tory, that ouerlooketh all the countrey of Theuingen, Lecheritania, and the rest, and there maketh so great and violent a fall, that it spreadeth it selfe, and runneth round about the Countries by diuers small créekes and Riuers, where méeting with other small Springs of the same nature, run altogether, as by one consent into the Sea called Mare Discontentaneum.

*Leauing this City as well as you can, you passe a whole day along towards Theuingen, crossing this Ri∣uer twenty times ouer strait and narrow bridges, vntil you come to this stéepe and high Mountaine before spo∣ken of: vpon the edge whereof, dwelleth an old Hermit called father Aduisall, a man aged and of long continu∣ance, and therefore well experienced in the world: a ha∣ter of flattery, and a louer of truth. As soone as you come to that place, this new wel-willer of yours will straight be in hand with you to know from whence you came, whither you meane to goe in so dangerous a place, and in méere loue and pitty wil be Inquisitiue how you durst trauell without a warrant from the Magistrate of your Countrey, perswading you by all meanes, to returne back, and not venture your life in so dangerous a Coun∣trey as that is, telling you that fewe returne backe the same men they were, when they first entred that land, but that some returne maymed and lame, others sicke of one disease or other, and others of frenzie and madnesse, so contaminat a place, so loathsome the manners, so de∣spised a Countrey, that a man vnlesse he were halfe be∣sides Page  [unnumbered] himselfe would neuer once desire to beholde that place. Thus, and to this effect will he speake, and many good perswasions will this good old man vse, and many motiues he will vrge you with to retire, but all in vain, for when men féele the Reines of liberty on their necks, and may take a course without controlement, such, whose lust is law, and whose will must not be control∣ed for a world, little regarding all wise admonitions or sayings of the aged, doe with the vntamed Colt, and fat fedde Stéede, let flie their héeles into the ayre,* and with the extrauagant and erring libertine run headlong into a thousand eminent dangers: then when the blacke Ore hath trod vpon their féete, and haue béene well bea∣ten with their owne rodde, in the end they come home by wéeping crosse, and crie Pecaui, when their ambitious conceits gaines them nought but this, to comfort them in their destruction, that when by their aspiring braine, they haue procured their owne ouerthrow:* men may say after their deaths, this fellow carried a braue minde and shot at mighty matters.

But to returne, leauing father Aduisall with his good aduise behinde, and following vice now before you, you must downe this hill (you néede no helpe downe) at the bottome whereof, you shall be at a trice. And albeit it be tenne dayes iourney vp, yet so is the stéepnes thereof, that you shall be conueyed to the bottome in halfe an ho∣wer: at the foote of this Mountaine are two great port wayes, the one on the right hand,* leading to the Coun∣tryes of Lecheritania, Drunkalia and Eatealia, and the other on the left hand, leading toward Theuingen and the neighbour Countries thereabout. To leaue the right hand way for such as haue trauelled thither to discourse on,* we wil take our iourney toward Don Purloyningoes Pallace: this onely by the way; about tenne myles from the foote of this hill in Lecheritania standeth the Tem∣ple of Venus, and there is the goodly picture of Venus fra∣med Page  [unnumbered] of Siluer, naked in her Chariot, drawne by two Swannes and two Doues, her head bound with myr∣tle leaues, a burning starre on her breast, a Globe re∣presenting the earth in her right hand, and thrée golden Apples in her left, behinde her were the thrée Graces back to backe, hand in hand, and Apples in their hands: not farre off that place, is likewise to be séene the Storie of Venus her originall, liuely painted out, how Saturne de∣priued his father Caelus, of those partes which were fit∣test for generation, and throwing them into the Sea by wonderful power, La. Venus was made, the blood wher∣of falling short, sell into the land of Theningen. which Countrey we are now about; of which sprange fierce, hote, and cruell people, with which at this day the land is mightily replenished and pestered.

*Concerning the originall and beginning of these peo∣ple, Historiographers doe differ and disagrée: Leo He∣breus out of the auncient Poet Pronapides, reports that Demogorgon perceiued that a dangerous and perniti∣ous tumult was bréeding in the bowels of Chaos: wher∣fore of very loue and pitie, he stretched out his hand and opened her womb, whence presently issued forth a most deformed issue called Litigium, which no sooner appeared but presently it bred brabbles, and made such a foule sturre, that it waxed proude, and stroue so mount vp to heauen: but Demogorgon soreséeing what would ensue, threwe him downe with his necke forward into this Countrey.

But others more likely, report that they came of Nep∣tune and Iphimedea, which very well may be, for Nep∣tunes brood is furious and vnruely, by reason of the su∣perabundant store of vnbridled humors, and Iphimedea is nothing else but an obstinate and selfe-wil'd conceit, and desire; grounded in the minde, and not remoueable: such are your idle vagabonds, that after war wil betake themselues to no honest course of life to liue in, but bee Page  [unnumbered] robbers by the high waies, cousoners and cony-catchers, that liue by their wits, and wil not betake them to honest trades, but especially seditious & rebellious subiects in a Common-wealth, schismatical and hereticall seducers in the Church, as Brownists, Papists, Iesuites and such like. And for this cause as there was a Schoole erected for villaines in times past called Cacademica Lycaon, so called because hee was the first that did violate the lawes of truce, and league, by killing and sacrificing vn∣to Iupiter a certaine hostrage, sent from the Molessi, whereof came the fable, that he set mans flesh before. Iu∣piter, to trie whether he were a God or no: So the Pope now hath erected another, because this was not large enough called (Sattani Senatus) wherein is taught the arte of stabbing, poysoning, betraying, periury, treason in all degrées, blowing vp and consuming by Gun-pow∣der, Wichcraft and Sorcery, Sodemytry and Bugge∣rie, torments for innocents. And in truth for the archieu∣ing and bringing to passe of all mischiefe: so that now if any be so minded to murder his Prince, Father or Mother, friend, wife or any else, he shalbe here protected, holpen backt, encouraged, and pardons graunted for them and their children for euer.

*After a daies iourney, you shall come into desarts and solitary Woodes, wherein you shall sée very strange and fearefull sights, and apparitions: there will appear to you monsters that haue faces and bodies come¦lylike to women, ready to allure and entice you with them, but their lower partes are vgly and deformed, hauing vpon their handes and féete sharpe clasping clawes, that if they once graspe you, you shall hard∣ly escape their clutches. And if they seaze on you, they wil bring you out of the way, through distraught and seare, vntill you méete another company more horrid and terrible: Their Haire all Page  [unnumbered] of crawling snakes, their garments down to the héeles, close girt with a snakie girdle, serpents in the one hand and firebrands in the other, their eyes, face, and téeth portending malice and vengeance. these are the mini∣sters of death, they dwell in darke dennes thereabout, their office is to bring such passengers as trauell that way to a most vnspeakeable horryd denne, out of which procéedes so noysome an exhalation, that birds as they flie ouer the same are poysoned with the very breath and ayze thereof.* This is that place which in the old world was called Auernus, round about which, and at the en∣trance of which Caue, Virgill 6. Aenead. placeth a rable∣ment, as woe, vengeance, wrath, sickenes, old age, feare, famine, penury, death, labour, sléepe, warre, discord and such like: in the midst of this Caue, is seated an Imperi∣all Throane, whereon sittes the blacke Prince with a crowne on his head, a Scepter in his hand, and his great dogge Cerberus betwéene his féete, fawning on those that to leaue this way, if thou be wise, take héede of the first insinuating flatterers, leaue their pretended friendship and kéepe on thy way.

In this Country nothing is worthy of praise or com∣mendation, for in all this solitary trauelling, you shall finde no comfort, but the skriching of Owles, croking of Ratiens, and such vncoth and balefull Ecchoes, the best part of your foode will be hearbe Rue, a bitter hearbe to féede on: but after when you haue better looked into your liues and carriages, you wil cal it herb-grace, your drinke is altogether of the water of that Countrey, cal∣led throughout Aqua discontentanea.

*After two or thrée daies thus trauelling, you shall come into a faire plaine, called Knaues-borough plaine, wherein Don Purloyningo kéepes his Court; you shall at the first be made very welcome, yet so that they will narrowly spie into your carriage and behauiour: And Page  [unnumbered] although they pretend neuer so greate loue and friend∣shippe vnto you, yet will they not sticke to cousen and deceiue you if they can, of all you haue.

And thus much for the description of the state and si∣tuation of Theuingen, with the nature and disposition of the people there inhabiting. And now to giue ouer this tedious Iourney, you shall heare the protection of Don Purloyningo, sent to Corporall Fize, chiefe comman∣der of Rogues, and his Assistantes. The Copy whereof is as followeth.