Terence's comedies: made English. With his life; and some remarks at the end. / By several hands.

ACT III.

Enter Mysis and Lesbia on one part of the Stage; on another Simo and Davus observing them.

Mys.

TRuly Lesbia, you're much i'th' the right on't. A faithful Lover is a very great rarity.

Sim.

This Maid belongs to the Andrian; What say you to't?

Da.

Yes Sir.

Mys.

to Lesbia

But this Mr. Pamphilus—

Sim.

VVhat says she?

Aside.

Mys.

— Has sign'd and seal'd over again;—

Sim.

So, so!

Da.

VVou'd the old Man's Ears were stopp'd, or her Tongue out for me.

Aside.

Mys.

— For whate're God sends her, he has order'd to be brought up.

Sim.

Confusion! VVhat do I hear? If what she says be true, all's past recovery.

Les. A sweet natur'd young Gentleman I'll war∣rant ye.

Mys.

Oh a most sweet natur'd— But come a∣long, for you'll be too late else

Les.

VVell let's in then. Exeunt Mysis and Lesbia.

Da.

How shall we recover our selves out of this Relapse.

Aside.

Sim.

walking aside.

VVhat means all this?— Is my Son so mad then? And for a stranger too? But hold! Now I see which way the Hare goes.— That I cou'dn't find it before, like a senseless Sot as I was.

softly.

Dav.

partly overhearing.

VVhat's that he has found out, says he?

Sim.

Oh here begins the Rogues tricks; they pretend a great Belly among 'em to beat off Mr. Chremes from the Match.

Aside.

Glycerie

within

Oh!— Oh!— Help kind Heavens and free me from my Pains.— I beseech ye. Oh—

Sim.

softly.

Ha, ha, ha,— so nimble! A very good Jest! After she heard of my being at the Door, she presently falls in Labour forsooth.— Your Farce wasn't well tim'd Mr. Rogue. [to Dav.

Da.

Meaning me, Sir?

Sim.

Ah Sirrah, were your Actors out in their Parts?

Da.

I don't understand ye, Sir, in the least.

Sim.

If this Rascal had serv'd me so in a real wedding here wou'd ha' been fine work with a vengeance. But now he makes a Rod for his own Back; for my part I'm safe enough.

Enter Lesbia from Glycerie's House, not seeing Simo and Davus.

Les.

to Archillis at the Door.

For what's past Archillis, and for a VVoman in her Condition eve∣ry thing is as well as a Body cou'd wish. In the first place let her be well bath'd; and then let h•• take the Dose I prescribe her to drink, and just the quantity. I shall be back again in a minute.—

Archillis retires, Lesbia speaks to her self.

Heart o' my Body! Pamphilus has got a very pretty Boy. I hope in Heaven he'll live to make as good a Man as his Father, who scorn'd to wrong this innocent Creature.

Exit Lesbia.

Sim.

VVhat Man alive that knew thee, wou'dn't swear that this was one of thy Rogues tricks?

Da.

VVhat Rogues tricks, Sir?

Sim.

VVithin Doors there were no Orders given

about the big-bellied woman; but when she was once out, she sets up a bawling in the Streets to those within, that the whole Town might ring on't.— Why Davus am I to be made a Proper∣ty; or what dost thou see in my Face, to think of making so palpable an Ass of me? If it had been more artificial, it wou'd ha' look'd like somewhat of Reverence for me, if I shou'd have found it out.

Da.

Faith the old Fool cheats himself, not I.

Aside.

Sim.

Didn't I charge ye strictly? Nay didn't I threaten ye too? But what car'd you? 'Twas all but so much Breath lost. Can ye think me so mad, as to believe this woman's brought to Bed?

Da.

Oh have I found out his blind-side? I know my Cue then.

Aside.

Sim.

Have ye never a Tongue in your Head Sirrah?

Da.

Why what wou'd ye believe? As if you hadn't an Item of this before-hand.

Sim.

Who shou'd give me an Item?

Da.

Strange! Did you find out this Imposture, and your self too.

Jeeringly.

Sim.

Very fine! I'm laugh'd at.

Da.

I'm sure 'twas told ye Sir; How shou'd you suspect it else?

Sim.

How? cause I knew thee for a Rogue.

Da.

As much as to say I was the Contriver on't.

Sim.

Nothing so certain. I knew't.

Da.

Sir you're mightily mistaken in your Man;

Sim.

Mistaken in my Man!

Da.

For if I go about to speak a Word, you pre∣••••ly think that I put upon ye.

Sim.

Belike I lye then.

Da.

Troth at this rate I dare scarce move my ••ips to ye.

Sim.

This I'm certain of, that there has been no h••••ly laid here.

Da.

Are ye very certain of't? Yet for all that you'll have a Child laid at your door before you're aware on't. This, Sir, will certainly be, and re∣member that I told ye on't now, that if there shou'd happen any Roguery i'th' Case, it mightn't be laid to Davus's charge. I wou'd feign have ye believe better things of Davus.

Sim.

But how d'ye know they'll trick a Child upon us?

Da.

I heard it, and believe it too. And there are a thousand Circumstances which make me be of that mind. For first the Gentlewoman cry'd she was with Child by your Son, which is found to be a meer sham. As soon as she heard of a Wedding on foot; her Maid forsooth is posted a∣way presently for the Midwife; and for a Child over and above. But if it chance that you shou'd not see the Child at your door, the Wedding may go on for all this.

Sim.

How's this?— As soon as ye heard of these Plots, Pray why cou'dn't Pamphilus ha' been ac∣quainted withal.

Da.

And who wast d'ye think but I that parted them? For the whole Town knew that he was up to the Ears in Love. Now he has set his Mind up∣on a Wife. As for the Business of the Child, let me alone with that. Go on with the Wedding as you've begun, Heavens prosper it I say.

Sim.

Very well!— Now ye may go in, and wait there till I come, and get ready what's want∣ing.

Exit Davus.

Simo

alone.

The fellow wasn't very urgent up∣on me to believe his Stories; and may be all he said wasn't true neither. Be it so or no, I care not a Straw: the main thing I stand upon is my Son's promise.— Well I'll go see for my Neigh∣bour Chremes, and beg his Daughter; then if I get

her, I'll have a Wedding to day in spite of their ••eeths. I don't question my Son's promise at all. If he draws back, I can fairly force him to't now—

Enter Chremes.

Here comes the Man in as good time as a body cou'd wish.— A good day to ye Neighbour Chremes.

Chr.

O Sir, you're the Man I look'd for.

Sim.

And I you.

Chr.

You're well met Sir,— there are those who told me they heard from your own Mouth, that this day your Son and my Daughter were to be married. Now I'm come to see whether you of they are well in their Wits.

Sim.

Have a little patience, and you ll hear my Desires, and an Answer to your Question too.

Chr.

Well Neighbour, let's hear't then.

Sim.

I beg of ye for Heaven's sake, by our Friendship begun with our Childhood and in∣creas'd with our Years: By your dear Daughter, and my only Son, (whose welfare depends wholly upon you) to assist me in this weighty point? and let the Match still go on, as we formerly design'd.

Chr.

Pray, Sir, no such Entreaties: As tho I cou'dn't grant it without all this begging. D'ye think I'm not the same man as when I made the first offer? If the Match be for both their goods, let 'em be sent for out of hand. But if more harm than good be like to come on't, I'd ha' ye consi∣••er Matters impartially, as tho she were your Daughter, and Pamphilus my Son.

Sim.

Tis upon such Conditions that I desire it, and press it so forward. Nor shou'd I ha been so urgent, hadn't the Matter requir'd it.

Chr.

As how I beseech ye?

Sim.

O Sir, my Son and his Mistress are fallen out.

Chr.

Meer Tales!

Sim.

Believe me Neighbour 'tis true.

Chr.

Yes Faith just as I tell ye, Love's a meer Caterwawl, where scratc Sing begets kissing.

Sim.

Say ye so Sir, pray then let's prevent th•• worst now we ve fair opportunity, whilst the edge of his Appetite is taken off by Affronts and I•••• usage. Let's give him a Wife before these whe••••∣ling Queans by their Tricks and false Tears soften his Love-sick Mind to pity. I hope, Sir, wh•••• he's once reclaim'd by the pleasant Conversation of a vertuous Wife, he'll easily wind himself out of these Mischiefs.

Chr.

You're of this Opinion, but I am not; they'll ne're endure to be together, and I shall be as uneasie under it.

Sim.

But how can you know't, till you've ex∣perienc'd it?

Chr.

'Tis ill buying Experience at the Expence of my Daughter.

Sim.

Why when the worst is come to the worst, if such a thing shou'd happen (which Heavens for∣bid) they can but part. But shou'd he once take up and mend, consider how many Advantages will happen. First I shall have my Son well set∣tled, you an honest Son-in-Law, and your Daugh∣ter a good Husband.

Chr.

What's all this ado for? If you're fully perswaded that all will prove for the best, God forbid I shou'd be your hinderance in the least.

Sim.

Indeed Sir, I have always had a high esteem for ye.

Chr.

But to the purpose.

Sim.

Well Sir.

Chr.

How come ye to know that your Son and his Mistress are fallen out?

Sim.

Why Sir, Davus, a Privy-Councellor of

theirs told me so, and withal urg'd me to strike up the Match with all speed. And d'ye think he wou'd ha' don't, hadn't he known my Son was willing too.— Now I think on't, you shall hear't from his own Mouth.—

to Servants within

So ho! within there, bid Davus come hither.—

Enter Davus to them.

But see here he comes himself.

Dav.

to Sim.

I was just coming to you Sir.

Sim.

Well, whats the Matter?

Da.

Why don't ye send for the Bride, Sir; it grows late.

Fawningly.

Sim.

to Chremes.

Look ye there now, d'ye hear him?—

to Davus

Well, Davus, Servants are slippery, and I had a fancy once that you were as likely to serve your Master a slippery trick as ano∣ther body; especially in the Case of my Son's A∣mours.

Da.

Lord Sir! I do such a thing?

Sim.

I was once of that Opinion, and for fear of the worst kept something to my self which now ••ll discover to ye.

Da.

And what may that be I pray Sir?

Sim.

I'll tell ye, for I cou'd now find in my heart to trust thee

Da.

I hope you're satisfied in my Fidelity at last.

Sim.

In short, there was nothing of Marriage i' th' Case.

Da.

How, Sir, no Marriage?

Sim.

No, no, 'twas but a Contrivance to feel your Pulse.

Da.

Will ye tell me so?

Sim.

Even just so Davus.

Da.

Why look ye Sir, I could never compre∣hend this. Bless me! there's a damned reach in't.

Jeering.

Sim.

But hear me on now.— No sooner had I sent you in, whom shou'd I meet but my Neigh∣bour here in the very nick?—

Da.

••S death is't come to this then?

Softly.

Sim.

— I up and told him, What you told me.—

Dav

softly.

Confusion! What's this I hear?

Sim

— I begged his Daughter, and with much ado prevail'd—

Da.

Undone, undone!

Softly.

Sim

partly hearing.

How? What say ye?

Da.

I said 'twas excellently well done.

Sim.

As for Mr. Chremes he's ready.

Chr.

Well I'll just step home, and put all things in order then I'll come back, and tell ye more o•• my mind.

Exit Chremes.

Davus looks simply upon Simo.

Sim.

Now prithee Davus, seeing this is a Ma••ch wholly of thy making.—

Da.

'Twas wholly of my making with a Pox to't.

Aside.

Sim.

— I d ha' ye take my Son in hand and help to reclaim him.

Da.

Yes Sir, I'll do my best.

Coldly.

Sim.

That's easily done now he's upo' th' pee∣vish pin.

Da.

Well Sir set your Heart at rest

Sim.

Do't then, but where's he now?

Da.

Ten to one he's at home.

Sim.

Well I'll step in, and tell him just what I told you.

Exit Simo.

Davus

alone.

So! I shall be hang'd— I ve no more to do, but strait to Prison goes poor Da∣vus with a vengeance,— there's no crying Pecca∣vi i'th' the Case. I've turn'd all Topsey-turvey, impos'd upon the old Man, noos'd his Son into. Matrimony; and brought a Business about, that

the one never dream'd of, and the other was afraid of— This 'tis to be super-subtle! Had I sat still, and not been tampering, all had been well enough.

Enter Pamphilus at a distance.

But look now, as the Devil wou'd ha't, yonder he comes.— I'm damn'd already.— What wou'd I give for a convenient Precipice to dash my Brains out.

He sneaks aside.

Pam.

to himself.

Where's the Villain that has un∣done me?

Da.

Heavens! what will become of me.

Aside.

Pam

to himself.

I must confess I'm well enough serv'd, like a senseless short-sighted Fop as I was what venture my Life and Soul to the Secrecy of a prating Fool? I shall pay dear for being a Blockhead; but as I live that Dog shan't carry it ••••f so.

Da.

If I sea pe hanging this bout, I'll be sworn the Gallows will never have me.

Aside.

Pam.

to himself.

What excuse shall I pretend to ••y Father? Shall I break off, when but just now I engag'd my self to marry.— With what Face shall I dare to offer it?— I'm at a wretched Nonplus—

Dav.

listning.

And so am I in good Faith, tho my wits are on the Tenterhooks; yet I must pre∣tend I've that in my Head will fetch him off a∣gain, tho 'twere only to put off this plaguy Busi∣ness a little longer.

Aside.

Pam.

seeing Davus.

Hah! Are ye there?

Da.

'Sdeath he sees me.

Softly hanging his Head.

Pam.

Pray come hither good Mr. Rogue! what Excuse now?— Don't ye see, you Rascal, what •• miserable Condition your damn'd Contrivances have brought me in to?

Angrily.

Da.

But I'll soon bring ye off again.

Pam.

You bring me off again?

Da.

Yes Sir, without doubt.

Pam.

VVithout doubt as ye did before.

Scornfully.

Da.

I hope Sir a little better too.

Pam.

How can I credit such a Villain? Can you set a Matter entirely lost and desperate to rights again?— Very fine! what a rare fellow have I rely'd upon? who this day amidst a calm has rais'd a Storm, and forc'd an odious Match upon me in spite of my Teeth?— Didn't I tell you how 'twould be, you Rascal?

Dav.

You did so, Sir.

Pam.

VVhat d'ye deserve for your Pains?

Da.

A Halter I must confess.— But pray, Sir, reprieve me, till I've recover'd my Senses a little I'll soon see what's to be done i' th' Case.

Pam.

I'm sorry I han't time to give you your, due. I have scarce enough to look to my self much less to punish you.

Exeunt Amio.

The end of the Third Act.