The London bully, or The prodigal son, displaying the principal cheats of our modern debauchees. With the secret practices and cabals of the lewd apprentices of this town: discovered in the life & actions of an eminient citizens son,

THE London Bully; OR THE PRODIGAL SON, DISPLAYING The principal CHEATS of our Modern DEBAƲCHEES.

I Do not doubt but that there will be those Persons who will be displeased at this Design of mine to describe my own Life; for to what purpose is it to spoil your own Vine, will they say, and to expose your self to the derision of all the World, by bringing your self upon the Stage, as a perfect Example of a Debauched Youth? But be pleased to hear a word before you so rashly condemn me: What would you say if I should place before your eyes the

Sentence of Horace, which says, Mutato nomine de te Fabula narratur; that is to say, It is you perhaps we speak of, and that there is only a change of Name. I know very well the Nature of men, of whom there are few that see their own faults, &c. and who nevertheless have eyes good enough to see those of others; yet there is no body has the same Sentiments of himself that others have of him; from hence proceeds so many Abuses in humane Life; for when we once miss the right Chan∣nel, we commonly deviate for some years. Thus then that no body may go a∣stray, it is absolutely necessary to search out first the Principles, and to con∣sider them with application; which being found, and laid for a foundation, might facilitate the progress of all things; for though they seem sometimes contempti∣ble, and of little value, yet they are ca∣pable of giving us light and information for greater matters. Deliberation made in time, is always the first thing in order; which being done, you must begin betimes, for it savours of Laziness to begin too late, and of Foolishness never to finish; considering that the End crowns the Work.

But perhaps these Philosophical Ar∣guments

prove tedious, and that you are thinking in your self, to what purpose this Preface is: 'Tis what I am to un∣fold unto you.

The End that I propose to my self in this little Book, is to render you wise by other Peoples Example; which is the su∣rest and most commodious way of Learn∣ing for him who would know the Hu∣mors of the World. You may learn here∣in to precaution your self, by seeing my Negligence and little Care; and from my Infamy, you may reap Honour and Glo∣ry. For you are not ignorant that it is the first degree of Wisdom to begin by ones self to be wise; and the second, to listen to those who are wiser than we: and he who knows how to do neither the one nor the other, is in no consideration. But let us lay aside all these things, and re∣turn to our Discourse.

You must know then that London is the Place of my Birth, a City famous through all Europe, which dispences me from the obligation of making an exact Descripti∣on thereof. My Father was an Attorney, and had taken to Wife the Daughter of a Physician, who brought him a great Por∣tion: Wherefore two days after the

Marriage, he had a Velvet Coat made him, to render himself the more conside∣rable among the common People; and he went so cunningly to work, that in a short time he was one of the most considerable Attorneys about London. Two years af∣ter their Marriage, my Mother brought me into the World, and thereby caused extraordinary Joy in all our Family; there was an Ocean of People offered to stand Godfathers or Godmothers, which is common in rich Families, whereas the poor can hardly find any Body to carry their Children to the Font.

After a great deal of Debate on both sides, this Honour was done to my Unkle, and I was carried to the Church to be Baptized, and was Christened by the Name of William; and since that time my Nurse knew how to prognosticate that I should be but a bad Christian; foras∣much as at the very moment the Parson was baptizing me, I made known by my squawling, that I had no mind to be Christned; and I fancy that Woman was a Witch, forasmuch as the whole Course of my Life has confirmed her Prophecy with a vengeance.

Assoon as I was brought back from Church, they left me to the Care of the

Nurses; for my Mother following the example of People of Quality, would not give me suck her self; and on the other side, I believe that what inclinati∣on soever she may have had for Children, she did not listen to their Cries, and that she did not find her self capable of the trouble of rocking the Cradle Thus was I delivered into the hands of this Nurse, who dwelt in our Neighborhood, and who sometimes went to shew me to my Mother.

I must ingenuously own that I always loved that Woman more than my Mo∣ther, and whereof I believe this is the only Cause, that I ow no more than my Birth to my Mother; for she took very little care of my Education, being a proud, haughty woman, and not loving to be troubled with Children.

Thus was I above two years old before I was admitted into my Fathers House, and I had already learnt to say Papa and Mama; for to say My Father and My Mo∣ther, savoured too much of the Mobile, for a man of the Quality of an Attorney, as my Father was.

I was so happy as to be the only Child my Mother brought into the World; for after this all the Butter fell into my Broth,

and in the Evening I was the only diver∣tisement of my Father. But methinks it impertinent to amuse you with Childish Fooleries; I shall only tell you that in the fourth year of my Age I was sent to School; from whence, after having spent some years in learning to read and write (for I had but very little inclinati∣on that way) my Father, whose Riches augmented every day, was resolved to bring me up to the Law; and to prepare me for it, he sent me to Westminster-School, and boarded me at the Masters, that so I might have the less time adays for my di∣version, and that I might be obliged by his rigorous Discipline to apply my self the better to study, than I had done in learning to read and write. It is easie to believe how that way of living was in∣supportable to me, after having followed my own desires, and having been accu∣stomed to play as long as the Day allowed me. But I was forced to have patience, forasmuch as there was no help for it.

Whilst that I was in the first and se∣cond Form, I applied my self very well to my Studies, being oblig'd thereto by the severity of the Usher, and by the fear of incurring his disfavour by my neglect. But Time makes us used to all, as Expe∣rience

shewed it in my person; for being become two years older, the fear I stood in of his fierce and severe looks, was ab∣solutely rooted out of my heart; and this ill disposition grew up to such a pitch, that entring into the fourteenth year of my Age, into the fourth Form, I no longer stood in fear either of threatnings or pu∣nishments.

The Usher had a Son, who was in the fourth Form with me, and was of the same Age. I had contracted with him, through a long familiarity, a constant and inviolable friendship, insomuch that we would help one another upon all oc∣casions. Thus it happened, that being in the fourth Form, our Master, who was a man, though old, yet severe and capricious, had made some black spots in my right Arm, by striking me with the Ferula, which pain'd me to that degree, that I could hardly stir my Arm, which made me resolve to take my revenge let it cost what it would; but I was not ca∣pable of executing all alone my Design; wherefore I ask'd Robert, which was the Usher's Son's Name, to help me out in this Design; which he readily yielded to. In composing a parcel of Verses, I on set purpose committed so many Faults, that

I was for that reason put the lowermost of all: Robert was the first, and his place opposite to mine, and by consequence rightly posted to execute our Design; for the Master being accustomed to enter the School with his Arm a kimbo on his side, casting his eye up, with a grim and serious Gate, we stretch'd out a little Rope across the School, and so placed our selves under the Table, with each of us a knife in his hand. Now the Bell ringing to call to School, he came with his usual gravity, and his Arms a kimbo, and stum∣bling upon the Rope, he fell down so se∣verely, that I fancied he had entirely broken his old Noddle. This having bro∣ken the Rope, and we having cut it at each end, we returned to our places before the poor man could get up again; for being a gross man, he had hurt himself to that degree in his Arms and Legs, and had principally mauled his Face and Fore∣head, insomuch that the Blood gushed out through his Nose; but forasmuch as we had immediately withdrawn the Rope, he could not bethink himself who it was that had given him so miserable a Fall, and imputed it to the parings of Apples which were scatter'd in the School, for which cause he forbad all the Scholars to

bring to School Apples, Pears, or any other Fruit.

Our Design having succeeded so well, we became more bold in playing other Tricks; though we did them with such precaution as entirely excluded the Ma∣sters discovery; for almost all the Scho∣lars were true to us, that they chose ra∣ther to be whipt, than to be discoverers by a detestable Treachery amongst Scho∣lars; there was only but one little Car∣rot-pated Rogue, all whose Physiognomy promised no other than infidelity and baseness, who betrayed us, and who was the occasion of our being punished with a vengeance; by which means he incurred the aversion of all my Companions, and we only sought an occasion to reward him for his perfidiousness, which we found out in a short time after, in the following manner; There was an Ironmongers Son, a hard Boy, and full of Courage, who one afternoon had brought a little Bell, wherewith he made so much noise under the Table, as made the Master mad; and as often as he ran to see who it was, the Bell was immediately shifted into the third or fourth hand, insomuch that it was im∣possible for him to catch us; which put him in that rage, that he fell a swearing

and cursing, as if the Devil had posses∣sed him; wherefore we kept still for a∣bout an hour without sounding the Bell; when the Master ask'd us some Latin words which we were to turn into En∣glish. In the mean while one of my Cro∣nies had tied the Bell with a little Rope to our Tell-tales Breech; thus knowing that all was done, we pretended not to know a certain Word which the Master askt us, which the Carrot-pated Boy was very glad of, in hopes of posses∣sing the first place by that means; thus when he was to make an Answer in his turn, he did it with an ineffable Joy, and having taken up his B••ok to possess the first place, all the Boys fell a laughing, seeing him run over the Table with the Bell tied to his Bum: The Master perceiv∣ing it, and thinking he had found out him who had stunn'd his Head with the clinking of the Bell, gave him such a swinging Blow on the ear, that the poor Boy fell off the Table, and then the other continued to beat him so furiously, as if he would have massacred him; in the mean time the poor Drole cried out most lamentably, and we were ready to burst with laughing: When the Rector hear∣ing the noise, came into the School, and

being informed by the Master with the occasion of this Noise; for it was to no purpose for him to deny it, the Bell hang∣ing still at his Breech, he gave order to the Usher to fetch immediately some Rods, for he was resolved to have him punished very solemnly; no sooner said than done; the poor Carrot-pated Boy was whipt with so much rigour, that in fortnights time it was not possible for him to sit directly upon his Bum. This was the pleasantest Scene to us that we had seen of a long time; for there was no body in the School that had the least compassion for him: Since that time the Carrot-pa∣ted Boy had Tale-telling in such abomi∣nation, as it was easie for him to know that it was us who had played him that Trick, that after that encounter, he had no desire to tell any more what he had seen.

Daily did we play such pranks as these, and for the most part with success; but there were also some unhappy Moments which made the mischief fall again upon our heads which we had prepared for o∣thers. We were grown so hardned and so accustomed to Blows, that we made no account of them. Amongst others, it one time happened, that Robert and I

saw a Boy going by the School, having a great Goat with a venerable Beard, tied with a little cord to his horns; we askt him presently if he would sell the Goat, and at what price? In short, not to tire you with relations of little value, I'le tell you we bought the Goat for half a Crown; this was just the time the Rector was set down to dinner with his Wife; insomuch that we had a fair opportunity to lead the Goat into our School without being taken notice of by any body. We tied his two feet just before our Masters Seat, laying a Book open before him: This being done, we went to place our selves at the Table to dinner, but the Laughing of the Boys who were come in the mean while into the School, and who had found the Goat in so ridiculous a po∣sture, made us shorten our Meal, and make hast to partake in the Scene, and hinder the other Scholars from spoiling what we had begun with so much care; whereupon Robert, I, and the Ironmon∣gers Son, who were the biggest and most esteemed Boys in all the School, put again into good order, and no body durst any longer laugh out, though to them∣selves they might laugh their Bellies full. After this, we contrived to make the

Welsh Gentleman speak; and after having thought of it a long time, we found out this Expedient; we took two little sticks, each of about three quarters of a Yard long, and put two Needles in the ends of them; thus being desirous to make the Goat read in quality of a Professor, we pricked him behind, and he feeling the Needles, fell a haranguing to a wonder, insomuch that all the Company were ob∣liged to stop their mouths with their handkerchiefs, as being impossible to for∣bear laughing. At length came the Usher, when Robert and I, who were the Chief of the School, and nearest to the Masters Seat, pricked the Goat behind with all our strength, insomuch that he began to sing after an admirable manner: The Usher seeing this, grew almost mad, out of vexation, and ran immediately to give an Account hereof to the Master. In the mean while we had time to get rid of our little sticks, which was no sooner done, but in came our two Pa∣trons full of rage; asking immediately Who it was that had been first at School? whom having at length found out, and having examined him most rigorously, threatning him with the Whip, he excu∣sed himsel saying, the Goat had been

there before him, and that the Porter stood at the door when he entred the School: This was a sufficient testimony of his Inno∣eence, insomuch that at that time no∣thing more was done in the Goats Cause, than to untie him, and drive him out of the door, which undoubtedly he was not sorry for, for he had been under ex∣traordinary Fears in his Professorial E∣state.

But while I was amusing my self with these vain Sports in the School, the Af∣fairs of our House began to grow worse every day than other; for my Father and my Mother were both seized on at a time by a violent Feaver; whereupon they made me lie again in the Masters House, that so they might have the less noise in their own; which I was very well satisfi'd with; for I was so much in love with Robert's Company, that I had hardly the power to part from him. At night, upon our Request, we were laid in the same Chamber, and the same Bed, where we plaid many a Prank, but with so much precaution, that the Master very seldom found us out. In the mean while it hap∣pened that two Yorkshire Boys became Boarders in our Masters House, one of whom was very well stock'd with Money,

and of a very good Family; they had each of them a Chamber given them just opposite to one another, insomuch that they could converse with ease, there be∣ing but a small Gallery between them. Robert and I had already taken notice that one of the two was provided with Money, wherefore we resolved to try our skill up∣on him: Robert received no Money from his Father, and as for my Father and Mo∣ther, they had been sick for a whole Month, and I had since then received no Cash, which was a sorrowful business to me; for that I was used to have it in a∣bundance. Whereupon, we put off our Design till a certain night, when that with a great noise we leapt from off our Beds, and placed our selves at one of their Chamber doors, which wakening him, he was in the highest consternation; he cal∣led to his Companion, asking him if he heard all this? The other said, that he heard it well enough, but that he durst not answer. In short, after they had both for a while lain in a sad pickle, they bethought themselves, that they might be the less afraid, that the one should open his Door, and the other should run in; but in going out of his Chamber, with his Cloaths under his Arms, I gave

him a Box on the Ear, which made him let fall his Cloaths, and fall a bawling like mad. However, he got into the o∣thers Chamber, and shut it so well that no body could get it open again; we im∣mediately took up his Breeches from off the Floor, and went into his Room, and having search'd all over, we found the Key of his Trunk, out of which we took about four pounds in Silver and Gold: then we withdrew into our own Cham∣ber with this Booty, full of joy, and ve∣ry well satisfied with our dexterity, not dreaming of the Misfortune which fol∣lowed it so closely.

On the morrow this Drole went to complain to the Master, That the last night he had been beaten by a Ghost, that had taken from him all his Money; giving him the Relation of all that had passed in that Adventure. The Master com∣forted him as well as was possible for him, and made no mention of the Robbe∣ry that day; insomuch that we did not dream in the least that our Exploit would come to be discovered: We went to bed that Evening with all imaginable satisfa∣ction; but we were extreamly amazed about four of the Clock in the Morning, to see the Master come in with the Door-keeper

of our Chamber, for he had a Key would open all the Locks: I waked in a Surprize, and seeing this dreadful Spe∣ctacle, presently suspected what would be the Issue; the Master took away the Keys of our Trunks immediately, but then he lost his pains; after that, he searched all over, and at length found out our Boo∣ty, which we had so well concealed, that it was impossible in my opinion to have been found out: Thus having searched all over for some time, he commanded us to rise, and we were forced to obey his Orders, though we did it not without great regret. He caused the Bed imme∣diately to be taken off, with the Straw and all that was therein, and thrown up∣on the Floor, he felt up and down, and at length perceived something hard amongst the Feathers of the Bed; then he took a Knife and made a little hole, which was to us a terrible mortification; and feign would we have saved our selves by flight, but all our efforts were to no purpose; the door being so well shut that no body could get out. Thus was our Theft found in the Bed in a little Purse; he counted it, and found the Sum to be about as much as he had been informed, for we had spent but very little of it. This made us trem∣ble

for fear of a punishment proportion∣able to our merits; while that by the Masters Order, the Door-keeper took me and cast me upon the floor, setting himself upon my Neck, insomuch that it was im∣possible for me to budge, and at the same time the Master came and let down my Breeches, and at that time alone gave me more Lashes than I had had in all my life; there was not a fingers breadth whole in all my skin, for he whipt me until his Arms were weary: This being done, he set himself down in a Chair with Arms, to rest himself, while that Robert was upon his knees, and seem'd to beg a less rigorous Justice; but he had the same fate that I had, and was whipt with so much rigour, that I my self had compassion; and the Executioners hand would have been more favourable to him than was that of his Father.

Thus having done Justice, the Master went away, and left us in a wretched condition, for us to take our Repose as much as our shattered Buttocks would al∣low; but I can assure you, that we were not overmuch drowned in sleep that Mor∣ning, the pains of our Buttocks keeping us very wakeful.

About Noon our Maid came to tell us, That My Father was upon the point of Death, and if that I meant to see him alive, for the last time, I must go thither in all haste. Whereupon, with all my strength I ran thither accordingly, without asking the Masters Leave, but it was too late, for my Father was already departed, and my Mother was in so poor a condition, that there was no hopes she could escape Death; as indeed she accompanied my Father two days afterwards into the other world. My Youth, and my Libertine Humor did not allow me to shed tears up∣on the double Loss I had newly had, and I felt it in time more than I did then; for to tell you the truth, I did in some man∣ner rejoyce at it, forasmuch as that it would have been impossible for me to have escaped the punishment of the Theft I had committed, if my Father had re∣mained alive.

My Unkle, who had been my Godfa∣ther, and was become Guardian, went to make this known to my Master, that he might not be in pain for my absence; but I quickly perceived the Master had told him scurvy News: for at his Return, he gave me sowr Looks, though at that time he made no mention of it.

But after the last Duties were paid to my Father and Mother, he took me aside, and said thus to me, You know William, the Fault you committed in the School not long since, and you may very well imagine your Return will not be over-welcom to the Master; and besides, your Portion will not be sufficient to continue your Studies, as your Father and Mother did propose to themselves; wherefore you must seek out something that is capable of maintaining you; and there∣fore consult your heart, and I shall not hin∣der you from what you think merits your in∣clination, and if you will leave to me the Choice thereof, I will promise you to seek out some Calling as much to your advantage, as if you were my own Son.

I was very much perplexed at the Re∣proach my Unkle made me, and as all was indifferent to me, I made him An∣swer, That I would do all he pleased, and that I would willingly leave to him the care of what my Parents left me. He commend∣ed my Obedience, and as I referred my self to his Choice, he advised me to be an Apothecary, alledging this Reason; That those People knew how to get money, and that they were in great consideration every where. He added the common Proverb, That an able Apothecary can make a Crown

of a Penny. In short, I was put an Ap∣prentice to an Apothecary for three years: But what mad Freaks did not I see in that time? My Master dwelt in Fleetstreet, and had the repute of an able little Apo∣thecary; for he was a very little man, ha∣ving a Welsh woman for his Wife, who u∣sed him but scurvily, somtimes giving him Boxes upon the Ear when she thought he deserved them; I believe too she might have set him to have hatched Eggs, such a power she had got over him.

Now as she was so furious as sometimes to beat her Husband, so she had the Cou∣rage to treat me after the same rate; which lay heavy at my heart; for I began to become a lusty young Fellow: But what remedy? when the Master is not Master, the man must be silent. I had served this Apothecary about a year, having played him several Pranks, when there happen'd to us a pleasant Adventure, which how∣ever ended to our shame: My Master was called to give a Clyster to a Painter, who dwelt in our Neighbourhood, and who by an Accident was become melancholy; we went thither accordingly in all haste, and found the Painter bound in his Bed, as being distracted, and cursing like a man possessed with a Devil: we made ready

all our implements, & turn'd the mans Bum uppermost; this being done, my Master put on his Spectacles, and put in the Instru∣ment for the giving him the Clyster, while I was preparing a little Cotton to stop the hole when the Clyster was taken; but there was no need of that, for assoon as he felt the heat of the Medicaments, he fell a roaring as if he had been to have lost his Life; I prepared the stuff to stop the hole, but at the same moment my Ma∣ster withdrew the Instrument, the other let fly with so much impetuosity, that all my Masters Face was overflowed with it, insomuch that he could not see at all. I had in some manner my share, though it was very small; but seeing the poor little Drole in so pleasant a posture, I burst out a laughing, which put him in that rage, that he threw the Instrument at my head, which caused another Misfor∣tune; for as I avoided the Blow, the In∣strument hit against the Looking-Glass, and broke it to pieces: This bred strange Quarrels; the Painters Wife pretending to be paid for the Glass, and my Master being like a Monk of the Order of Saint Francis, who never carry Money about them, insomuch that it was impossible for him to make the Woman acquiesce, she

swearing she would make him pay for the Glass, or that she would arrest him. At length he surmounted her obstinacy by submissions and humble words, insomuch that we were allowed to go away; but I did very much doubt this Storm would fall again upon my head; for assoon as we were returned home, and his Spouse had heard the Story of the unhappy Clyster, and the Glass broken, and that I was the cause of the last Accident, she accost∣ed me with an infernal fury, and I had more blows than I could support: This made me detest the Pestle and Mortar, and promise my self to reward the Hag for all her Civilities she had done me, and afterwards to run away.

But before I could find an occasion to do this, they came to ask a Clyster for a German Count; when I saw it prepa∣ring, fain would I have got out of the House at the very moment; but it was to no purpose for me to seek out Reasons to avoid it, I was forced to submit: thus I accompanied my little Master to this Counts Lodgings, where being come, his Man told us his Master was still in Bed. But the Count calling out, askt his man tho it was; who made Answer that it was the Apothecary with the Clyster, desiring

to know if his Lordship was pleased to take it? The poor Drole not knowing what a Clyster was, and imagining that it was some Remedy for the Head-Ach, sent for us to his Bed side, and told him that he would take his rest for an hour longer, commanding him in the mean while to lay the Clyster upon the Table, and that he would make use thereof assoon as he awaked again, and that he would discharge him from the trouble of wait∣ing so long. My Master imagining that he intended to have his man apply the Clyster, (there being such People as are ashamed to shew their Buttocks to all manner of people) he left the Clyster with all the preparations, and we return'd home. The Count waking awhile after, got out of Bed, and finding the Clyster was humid, and half warm, took a Nap∣kin, and pouring it upon that, he cover'd his Head with it, and so went again to Bed. This Liquor had so all bedawbed his Eyes and Face, that one could not have known him. Two or three hours afterwards, we returned to the Count's Lodging to see if the Clyster had had its operation; when we found him in Bed with a Napkin about his Head, and his Face so disfigured with the colour of that

nasty stuff, that my Master was in a maze, and asked what it was he had upon his Head? 'tis the Clyster, answered the Drole; at which we fell so a laughing, that the poor man not conceiving the reason, asked it of us? How! My Lord, said my Master, ready to split with laugh∣ing, you must not take Clysters so as you do: How then, reparti'd the other? By the Back-parts, said my Master, shewing him the Instrument he had laid upon the Ta∣ble, and at the same time, the way of ap∣plying a Clyster. This Doctor's mad, re∣parti'd the Drole; I told him plainly that I had the Head-ach, and he orders me a Re∣medy to be taken by my Back-side: This made us laugh more than ever, which put the Spark into such a Fume, that he had like to have drove us out of his Chamber; but my Master appeased him, shewing him the reason why that course was to be ta∣ken: whereupon the Spark made haste to take off the Napkin from his Head, and caused another Clyster immediately to be prepared; which my Master made him take the back way.

The remembrance of this Adventure made me laugh many a time for a long while after it hapned; and if these sorts of Adventures had been more frequent,

the Service would not have been so tedi∣ous to me; but at present every hour seems to me a day, forasmuch as to com∣ply with a Devil of a Woman, I was forced, besides the Service I did in the Shop, to do almost all that was necessary in the House, how dirty soever it was; for she was so covetous, that she would not keep a Maid. It happened that while I was boyling up a certain Medecine, she commanded me to go fetch some Billets out of the Garret; this touch'd me to the quick, but I was forced to obey, and therefore went, but withal murmuring. Having got up some stairs, I heard her follow me in her stockings, to listen to what I mutter'd; I made use of that oc∣casion, and propounded to my self to re∣ward her for the pains that she took. Thus having filled the Basket with Bil∣lets, I pretended as I was coming down, to have stumbled down two or three stairs, and so overturning the Basket, I let the Billets fall upon her head, which tumbled her down the stairs, and struck her head as she fell against a Mortar which stood on one side, whereby she was dan∣gerously wounded. In the mean while I stirred by degrees, and made a noise, and cried as if my head had been broken; but

I was very much amazed, when coming below, I saw the Woman all covered with blood; my Master ran to her, and wiped off the blood with his Handker∣chief, with an intention to rattle me to some purpose for this Accident; but I was too wise to wait the fury of his Wife, and I made my escape in all haste to my Unkles House, to whom I gave an Account of all that had happened; but I did not tell him that it was out of ma∣liciousness that I had done it: The poor man believing that this happened only by a Mischance, would needs have conduct∣ed me back to have made my peace with my Master; but I was deaf to that Dis∣course, and detested all Apothecaries. He asked me then to what I was resolved to ap∣ply my self? I told him, That I would ac∣commodate my self to his Sentiments, except in that. He made use of many Reasons to perswade me to the contrary; but all his perswasions were to no purpose; inso∣much that he resolved at length to put me to a Chirurgeon, because I had already made so much progress in the Principles of Medecine: This I was inclinable e∣nough to, for that I was in hopes of get∣ting more Money that way than I had done at the Apothecaries.

Whereupon he enquired after a Chi∣rurgeon who stood in need of a S••rvant, and found one immediately; and I en∣tred into my new Service very well satis∣fied that I was so freed from a cross-grain'd Woman; but neither did I find my self here wholly to my desire (though my Master was a very good Natur'd man) forasmuch as I was the only Servant he had, and had a great deal to do, for that my Master was seldom at home, ha∣ving a Mistress to whom he bore a great deal more Love than to his own Wife, though she was none of the ugliest; but people are quickly disgusted with the best Meats, when they eat thereof too often; which was the Case of this man. I had been about a year possessed of this Calling, and was in my Masters esteem, notwith∣standing that I began to rove about the Streets; for I had good Acquaintance with other Chirurgeons men, and having a great deal of Money given me by our Patients, besides what my Unkle did also furnish me with, I could have spent at as high a rate as the richest. It seems that Debaucheries and the Calling of a Chi∣rurgeon are things very compatible; for we imagine that we shall never be in a way to become good Master-Chirurgeons un∣less

we be extraordinary Debauchees these my Wandrings made me quickly acquai nted with most of the Bawdy-houses in London, and I was as familiar there, as if I had been the Son of the Fa∣mily, and my Companions were the same. Never did any fresh Wench come up to London, but one Bawd or other came im∣mediately to give us notice, insomuch that for the most part we had the first fruits.

During the time of my leading this pleasant life, there happened to me a ve∣ry strange Accident; for my Master ha∣ving made an Intrigue with a Woollen Drapers Wife, which I had discovered some time before, though I did not seem to take notice of it; in the mean while it happened that that honest Cuckold was obliged to go into the Countrey upon some Business he had there, my Master having notice of it immediately, and not being willing to let slip so fair an occasion to enjoy the Delights which he was in hopes of from his Mistress, he was con∣triving all the Means imaginable to bring this Affair to pass, for his Wife was too jealous, and would quickly have smelt out the business, if he had absented himself for a whole night from his house and

home. Thus one Afternoon he command∣ed me to accompany him to go dress a Patient; in the way he began to speak to me of such things as put me in a maze; he told me he had a thing to request of me, which I must not refuse him, and that I must take an Oath to comply with, and obey his Desires and Order. I made him An∣swer, That I was ready to do all for him, provided no ill might come thereof, and that I would most willingly confirm to him my fidelity by the greatest Oaths imaginable.

Whereupon he spake thus to me; Dear Will. You know how much Affection I have always bore you, and what freedom I have always allowed you; wherefore, methinks, you ought to acknowledge my kindness by some good piece of Service which I demand of you. Know then, that I am obliged to go lie this Evening in a certain place, and that my Wife may not take notice of it, you shall lie by her side in my place; to the doing of which, I will furnish you with an opportunity, but up∣on condition of observing punctually these three Articles; First of all, You shall not speak to her one word: As for the Second, you shall not touch her in any manner: And Thirdly, You shall rise before day, that I may get in assoon as you open the Shop. I was so amazed at this Proportion, that I had

hardly the power to give him an Answer; but seeing at length that he was abso∣lutely resolved on it, and that he de∣manded it as it were by force, I grant∣ed him his Request,, swearing to him to perform all that he commanded me.

Hereupon we returned together to our House; when, assoon as my Master came in, he began to quarrel with his Wife, and to chide her more than I had ever heard him do before; which he did, that he might have a pretence not to speak to her the Night following, and quash all her desires of hugging him.

After this, he commanded me in a surly manner to rise betimes on the morrow Morning; adding, that he would rise early himself, upon some extraordinary Affairs he had: Then he continued to grumble and to play the Mad-man all the Afternoon, and assoon as his Wife would have spoke a word, he bid her hold her peace and get her gone to bed. In short, he made use of all such things as he judg∣ed necessary for the executing his Design. The poor Woman went away to bed all bathed in tears, and the Maid was con∣strained to do the like. In the mean while he called for me to undress him, for form sake; and pulling off his Coat, he hit

one Sleeve of it against the Candle, which went out, and fell upon the floor with the Candlestick: I asked him if I should go light it? But he took me up crabbedly; that I easily perceived he had done it on purpose.

Being thus in the dark, he stole away softly, and left me trembling by the Bed∣side; however, I took courage, and af∣ter I had undress'd my self, I went to Bed, lying as far off from the Woman as was possible; but I fell again to trem∣bling every moment, for fear she should discover the Trick. In the mean while, the Woman crept nigh me by little and little, and every time she stirr'd, I was like to die for fear. But do but think of the extremity I was in when she began to handle my Arms; Ile assure you I was possessed with a mortal terror; I took her hand away, but she imagining this was only some remnants of her Husbands Anger, fell again to handling and taking it by the Head: Said she, How, my little Rogue, is it not better to live in good intelli∣gence and repose, than to quarrel and be al∣ways in an anger against one another?

When I perceiv'd she found no alte∣ration in that part, I took heart of Oak, and did the Feat without saying a word,

notwithstanding all the Caresses this wo∣man made me.

This first Course was performed with so much satisfaction on my side, that I renewed it four or five times, until that she was desirous to take her rest, as she did accordingly. I got up early on the morrow Morning, and after having dres∣sed my self, I opened the Door, and saw my Master coming just in the Nick; he asking me immediately if all were well, and if I had kept my word? I answered him, t••at I had; swearing once more, that I had not spoke a word to his Wife; for the poor Cuckold was very far from be∣lieving that I had fitted him with a pair of Brow-Anclets in so great a Si∣lence.

My Mistress being got up, went im∣mediately to embrace her Husband, and cox'd him the best she was able; the Husband too shewed himself more tracta∣ble after having spent the Night so plea∣santly; insomuch that all things were ve∣ry well reconciled. About Noon the Mistress went to the Market, and bought the best she could find; for she had a mind to treat her Husband for so many Caresses she had received from him the Night past. My Master and I were in the Shop when

his wife return'd home laden with a great many Delicacies; which my Master not being at all satisfied with, ask'd her after a surly manner, Why she was at so much Costs? and if she had invited any Friends to Dinner? No, my Dear, said the Woman to him, I do it for the love of you, and to repair your strength, which is undoubtedly very much lessened by the last Nights work, and wholly to confirm the Peace we have made this Night. Do you believe then, reparti'd my Master, that I kissed you to night; But my dear Puggie, reply'd the Woman, to what purpose is all this dissimulation? you know very well you did it to Night five or six Bouts, though indeed without speaking a word; wherefore prithee Chuckie, let me desire thee to lay aside thy Anger, and let us make merry and chear our selves together: If we are at peace, all will go well, and there will be no∣thing but Love and Peace in the House. My good Cuckold was wholly in a Maze, and did easily guess at the truth of the Mat∣ter; but what remedy? he himself was the cause thereof: Nevertheless he fail'd not to shew by his looks that he was sor∣ry, and that he would reward me to some purpose; but I was too cunning, for I had no mind to stay there any longer. Thus I waited my time, till my Master

was gone out to dress a Patient, and his Wife to the Market; I put all my Cloaths in my Trunk, and having taken my Cloak, I carried them to an Inn, to stay there waiting a good opportunity for me.

I did not think sit to appear before my Unkle, after having left my Master for the second time; and I knew very well the Money I had left would not be of any long continuance; wherefore I began to contrive some means to get Money; for which purpose, I plaid the Prank I am going to tell you.

It was just about the time that the Kings of England and France had declared War against the States General of the Ʋ∣nited Provinces, whereupon several new Regiments were to be raised; I laid hold on that Occasion, and wrote to my Un∣kle; adding thereto some sorry Reasons why I had left my Master; and I beseech∣ed him, ••hat forasmuch as that I had not any inclination to the study and practice of Physick, he would be pleased to ob∣lige me but once more, promising him that I would never trouble him more as long as I lived; namely, to give me fifty pounds of the Portion my Father had left me, becuse I was his only and infallible Heir, and that I hoped therewith to make

my Fortune; making him believe that I had an opportunity to buy an Ensign's Place of a certain Colonel I named. I ad∣ded hereto as many other Reasons as see∣med necessary to perswade him; I caused this Letter to be delivered him by one of my Friends, but who was unacquainted with my Pranks.

My Unkle having read the Letter, ask∣ed in what Inn I was lodged? saying, he must necessarily speak to me himself. The next Morning early my Unkle came to the Inn, and having made me many Repri∣mands for having left my Master, he fell insensibly to discourse about the Ensign's Place. I was very glad when I heard the good old man speak after so complying a manner, and I knew how to answer him with so constant an Air, and so serious a Look, that he began to give Credit to my Words; but I was very much surprized when he told me that I must first shew my Grant before he gave me Money: where∣fore I was forced to make use of another Trick to take that out of his Head, for otherwise he would never have given me Money. Thus I made him believ•• that I had contracted with the Colon••l upon these Conditions; That I should give him fifteen Pounds ready Money; an•• that I

should besides raise ten Men for the Com∣pany: I added hereto so many plausible Reasons, that the good man was entirely perswaded of the truth of the Matter, and commanded me to accompany him that very-Moment to his House, which I was not over-sorry for. Being come thi∣ther, he gave me the fifty pounds, and bought me besides a fine Sword, moreo∣ver exhorting me to make use of my Mo∣ney; but that Care was very superfluous, forasmuch as I knew how to make as good Use of it as any one about London.

Assoon as I had taken my leave of my Unkle, I failed not to change my Lodg∣ing, for I was very far from thinking on an Ensign's Place. I went immediately to an Inn where my Companions and I had always had our Rendezvouz; and no soo∣ner was I one day there, than that our whole Colledge knew that I was run away from my Master, though I had discovered to no body the occasion; for though I was so young, I had the precaution not to shew my Money to my Companions; well knowing that Opportunity makes the Thief: insomuch that though I had more Money than all the rest, I husband∣ed it however, and spent no more than the sm••llest amongst them; being well assu∣red,

that on that side there was nothing more to hope for in the first two years. We agreed together, that as Bartholomew Fair was coming on, and that all my com∣panions were to have one days leave to di∣vert themselves in Smithfield, and to eat Pig there; the day being come, we went to Islington; there was one in our compa∣ny who had very white hands, and who was continually looking upon them when he was alone; and because this Ambition savour'd too much of a Woman, I labour∣ed to divert it; but notwithstanding all the pains I took to disuse him from it, he could not rid himself of it. I had, in my opinion, our College being compleat, the fairest occasion imaginable to make them burst with laughing. Being come to Islington, I called the Drawer, and ta∣king him aside, told him, that he must be very careful of that Gentleman in the yellow Ribonds, because he sometimes happened to be deprived of his Sences: The Drawer asked me by what Mark he might be assured of it? You must take no∣tice, said I to him, that when he begins to consider his hands, then you must im∣mediately seize him behind, and hold him fast; which will be no difficult matter for you to do; for the distracted Fit is over in a very short time.

Assoon as we were ready to sit down to eat, I made choice of the Place that was opposite to the Spark so puft up with Pride, and the Drawer stood behind him during the Repast; which he taking notice of once or twice, he said after a cholerick manner, as he was very capricious, What the Devil does this Fellow mean by standing always behind me? why does he not serve the rest as well as me? He answered him, that he was there to serve him as well as the others. But before Dinner was done, he began to view his Hands; which assoon as I per∣ceived, I tipt a wink upon the Drawer, that now was the time; and he having seen it by peeping over his shoulder, took him in his Arms, and held him so fast, that the poor Spark could not stir; ad∣ding these words, Alas Sir, your distracti∣on is coming on you, but I will hold you fast, that you shall do no body mischief: The o∣ther finding himself attacked, and held so rudely, used his utmost endeavours to get loose, cursing and playing the Mad∣man, but all this was to no purpose, forasmuch as the Drawer was a young, strong, lusty Countrey Fellow, with swinging hands, and the other a meer Stripling, and of a weak complexion: My Companions got up immediately from

the Table to help him (for there was none amongst them that I had confided this Prank to) but I gave them a Sign to let them alone, and every one to be quiet, waiting with impatience the issue of their Affairs. In the mean while this Cully curst and roared like a Mad-man, even to fo∣ming at the mouth; but his Efforts were to no purpose, forasmuch as the other being too robust, though he found it a difficult matter to save himself from his teeth, for he bit like a med Dog. At length the Drawer becoming weary by holding a man in that manner, cried out, Pray you help me Gentlemen, for he is as strong as all the Devils together; and if you will not help me, I must let him fall upon the Floor, and be gone out of the Room, after which, you may do with him what you please. But all these Cries were to no purpose, forasmuch as there was no body who had a mind to concern himself in the Business; wherefore the Drawer was f••rced to keep his word, that is to say, let him fall all of a sudden, and make his escape out of the Room the best he could, by shutting the Door after him.

The mad Spark being at liberty, got up as nimbly as a Colt, and ran to take a knife from off the Table, which he designed

for the Drawers Guts; but we stopped him at the Door, and he was constrained to stay in the Room: He cried like a Child, out of meer madness, for being so hindred from taking his Revenge, and swore by all the Devils that I should pay for it dearly, perceiving that it was I who had been the occasion of this Prank; he knew not however how I had ordered the Business. Said I to one of my Compani∣ons, Give the Child a Glass of Wine, for otherwise so extraordinary a Consternation may do him harm. The Company laughed heartily at all these Jokes, for none of them loved him really, by reason that he was a proud Fellow, and positive to the highest degree. After the Disorder was something appeased, and that we had drunk a Health round, the Company de∣sired me to tell them the occasion of all this tumult, which I did; which made them ready to burst with laughing, ex∣cept that little man, who stood like a Post in the corner of the Room, and full of thoughts of Revenge. I accosted him with a Glass of Wine, but he was too angry to pledge me; however, through the interposition of all our Company, our Peace was concluded; for they re∣monstrated to him, That this was only

done amongst all us who were good friends, and Birds of the same Feather. These, and the other Reasons they added, did quite appease him, insomuch that before we parted, we shook hands and made peace, upon promise of not discovering the matter to any Body.

At our going from thence, I gave signs to the Drawer to keep himself for a while out of sight, giving him half a Crown more for the pains he had ta∣ken.

Thus passed our Journey to Islington, with which my Companions were very well satisfied; and the remembrance thereof has made them laugh many a time; and every time that poor little Cully happened in our company (for it was impossible for him to leave that deep rooted Custom) they remonstrated to him his Folly; by which means he was so surprized with shame and Anger, that since that time, that he might not com∣mit the same fault, he was never seen without Gloves, even at Table, where he made use of womens Gloves cut at the fingers ends.

But while that we were divertising our selves in this manner in the Countrey, the Servants of the Inn where I was lodgded,

diverted themselves no less at the phanta∣stical humor of a Person of Quality who came to lodge there, and who was so ri∣diculous, that one could not hear him talk without bursting with laughing: He was dressed after so phantastical a manner, that I do not remember ever to have seen the like; he had a Steeple-crown'd Hat with a very broad Brim, and upon his Hatband a black and green Feather, and between those, another like that which the Grand Signior is used to wear in his Turbant; his Hair was a composi∣tion of black and grey, his Mustachoes af∣ter the Spanish Mode, with a Beard point∣ed at the Chin, which was so sharp, that one might easily have run it through a Shilling: He had a Ruff on, whereon was very little Cloth, the rest was of Scollop Lace, after the primitive Mode; his Doub∣let and his Breeches were of green Taffa∣ta's pink'd, upon red Sattin, which made a great shew; he had Silk Stockings on, his black Shoes pink'd all over with little Rows, and tied with a great Row of Ri∣bonds. Assoon as I was return'd home to my Lodging, I saw this Nephew of Don Quixot walking up and down the Room with a gate full of Gravity, which ama∣zed me strangely, and I was in a humor

to have burst out a laughing, if my Land-lord had not desired me to forbear. But if I admired the Phantasticalness of his Cloaths, I was no less amazed to hear him speak in this manner; Have you, Sir, a Residence in this Patron's House, or do you only come hither to employ some vacant hours in frequenting some Gentile Company? I was so surpriz'd to hear him speak after this manner, that I could hardly make him any Answer, but suspecting his Dis∣ease, I reparty'd, Be it known unto your il∣lustrious Lordship, that I am lodged here for some time, forasmuch as I find as much or more conveniency in this Patron's House, than in any other Inn of the Town; neither do I doubt but your Illustrious Lordship, after you have sojourned here, will assert the same; for I find the Company here so pleasant and charming; that I would not change my Lodg∣ing for any thing in the world so long as I shall make my abode in this City.

The Knight Errant having heard me speak in this Style, came to embrace me, and kissing me, with joy told me; That I was the only man he had seen in ten years that suited so well with his Humor; for I am accustomed, Sir, pursued he, to blend in the English Tongue, which is not ever civil and obliging, certain Latin and

French Words, for to make a good conjunction of these three Languages; and for this rea∣son others blame me, though I am of opinion that nothing can be more lofty than to speak in one Tongue all the Graces of that and two more; which is the reason and sense which makes me embrace your Lordship, seeing evi∣dently that you have the same knowledge, and that you make use thereof. Thus if the De∣sires of an honest Gentleman can make any im∣pression upon your Soul, I should desire that we might have our Beds in the same Apartment; by that means we shall have the opportunity of discoursing every moment of our Affairs, which will the better agree with our Genius's.

In this manner did the Gentleman finish his Discourse, and left me in a great A∣mazement, that there are still People left who blend all Tongues together in this manner: And I am of opinion that his falling into this folly, proceeded from his being too much tainted with Terms of Law from his Infancy. Notwithstand∣ing this, I did not refuse him his Request of lying in the same Chamber with me; for methoughts that I could not have found any Company better than this, Whereupon I first of all replied to his Discourse in the same Barbarous words as were those he made use of, and that

very moment commanded the Chamber∣lain to make ready a Bed for this Lord in my Chamber.

But I must own that if his Speech and his Words rais'd an admiration in my Mind, his Sword did no less, which I saw upon the Table, of so prodigious a length and breadth, that it would not only have been capable of slicing off a man's Head, but an Oxes too; the guard was so great, that the hands of a Giant could hardly have covered it. Where∣upon, full of astonishment, I askt him where he had got that swinging weapon? He made me answer, That it was the Sword of George Castriot King of Epirus, whom the Turks called Scanderbeg, by reason of his great Exploits in War; and that it was the same Sword wherewith he had performed so many Wonders. To which he added many of the Circumstances; as, that he was of the Race of Scanderbeg, and that this Sword fell to him by right of Succession, and that he wore it for the Honour of that Great man, though it was something too heavy. I am of opinion too that he spoke Truth; for it was so heavy that one could hardly lift it from the ground.

In such like Discourse as this, did we

pass the Evening; after which, we went to Bed, after having employed three quarters of an hour in making Comple∣ments, upon an Affair of great import∣ance, that is, who should go up stairs first; which I was constrained to do, though the youngest; for Seigneur Antonio (so was the Knight Errant's Name) would have rather lain upon the Floor, than have committed such an Incivi∣lity.

I enjoyed that, and nine or ten Nights more Don Antonio's Company, with all manner of satisfaction; and on the mor∣row he held me this Discourse; Sir, said he, after a very serious manner, If ever you have been the Slave of Love, you are not ignorant of the power of that little God, and his stroaks are inevitable, as at present I am constrained to feel against my will: But I should esteem my self born under a favour∣able Constellation (though my time past makes me apprehend the contrary) if the Ob∣ject of my Love did not disdain to look upon me with an eye of compassion. I own that her Beauty merits to be adored by a thousand Lovers; but what I perceive by her Beha∣viour, she seems to me to be very cruel, even to the surpassing therein all the rest of her Sex; and I also believe that this is the rea∣son

why I see but very few Gallants frequent this House, and the same reason makes me fear the disdain of my Love; which if it prove so, I assure you that my feet will never depart out of this House: This heart so tormented, and this Breast so full of amorous flames, well foreseeing that it will be my Tomb, though I cannot esteem such a Death unhappy for me; forasmuch as that I shall die for the most beautiful Creature in the world. But I be∣lieve that this Preface is long enough to make you penetrate what is the Center which all my thoughts tend to; and if you do not understand the business, you must know that it is the di∣vine and incomparable Joan, the only Daugh∣ter of the Governour of this Palace, who has inflamed my heart with Love, insomuch that without looks of compassion from her, this a∣morous Soul will quickly be obliged to depart this tormented Body. I have employed here∣in my utmost devoirs for some days together, but all my pains were to no purpose; for the force of my amorous Passions obtains the victo∣ry over all my inclinations; and having ma∣turely deliberated thereupon, I bethought my self of communicating to you my miserable Torments, forasmuch as I expect only help from your illustrious Acquaintance, at least some consolation in my miseries; for I am now in the greatest Agonies imaginable, and I

have made Vows all the night long to Venus and Cupid her Son, for a favourable success in this Affair, on the Event whereof does un∣doubtedly depend my Life or my Death; for yesterday evening being upon the point of go∣ing to Bed, I took the boldness to slip into the bosom of the incomparable Joan a Billet deux, wherein I exprest to her downright my pains. It is in the expectation of the success of this, that I am to resolve whether to live or die.

Here it was that the Amorous Antonio put a period to his Discourse, with so languishing and sorrowful an Air, as if he had been led to the Gallows by the Execu∣tioner. Nevertheless I could hardly ab∣stain from laughing upon these extrava∣gant words; however I failed not to com∣fort him the best I was able; promising to help him in all that lay in my power. After that I dressed my self with haste, desiring to see that excellent Letter, while that I made him believe I was to go out very early upon some Business.

But to shew you the wisdom of this Knight Errant, it will be convenient, be∣fore I pursue my Discourse, to make a de∣scription of that admirable Beauty. You must know then that this incomparable Joan was the Daughter of our Landlord; she was about eighteen years old, and a

short hoddy-doddy; she was plump enough, and broad enough; for she was a yard and half about: her Breasts, which our poor Lover called the Mounts of Alabaster, seem'd like a Cows Udder, by reason of their bigness, and being very close lac'd, mounted up to her Chin, insomuch that she could not see her Belly, though it was big enough; but not being lac'd, they hung down to her Paunch; her face did not be lie the rest of her Body; for each Cheek might very well pass for a Gammon of Bacon; her Colour was a Medium be∣tween brown and red, here and there checquer'd with white strokes, which gave no little luster to her Beauty; for I never saw that I know of Pillars in a chim∣ney, whose colours were better Marbled. As for her Nose, it was not very long, but very large, with a something turn'd up Snowt, insomuch that one might easily and distinctly consider the depth and largeness of her Nostrils, which were at all times well furnished with filth & snot; but this Snowt as it was something turn'd up, had likewise this effect, which was to shew that Joan had a Nose, which other∣wise would have been a difficult matter to have seen, if you had looked aside of her, by reason that it was wholly covered

by the Bigness of her Cheeks. Her Eyes were of a fine Azure, and her Hair was between a Red and a Chestnut colour; her Mouth was none of the greatest nor smallest; and her Teeth very black through the continual stench of her stomack. As for her Chin, it was by reason of her ex∣cessive bigness, divided into three parts, whereof the highest was the Chin, and the following one, the under-Chin, and the third was called the last Chin; and her Neck was short and thick, and did not yield to her Breasts, as to the Beauty of Expression. Her Arms, which were al∣ways trussed up above her Elbows; (for she served in the House as a meer Maid) were become so red by the continual heat of the fire, that they seemed to be paint∣ed, and each of them was as far as the Elbow at least of the bigness of a mans Thigh; to which were set very sutable Hands, with long Nails, wherewith she cleansed the Kettles, not being willing to use Spoons, it too much spoyling the edges; and to make use of Oyster-shells, that was too like the Dregs of the People; wherefore she did that Work by the help of her beautiful Nails. As for her other Members, I know not what to say of 'em, forasmuch as her Cloaths did not

allow me to take them into consideration, though I believe her Buttocks might be compared with the largest and heaviest of a fatted Ox. In short, she was a true remedy of Love, and against whom a man would not have drawn his Sword, un∣less provoked thereto by an extraordina∣ry hunger. Notwithstanding this, she was of a jocond humour, and did all her Work singing, imagining (as most Women do) that she was none of the ugliest.

Assoon as I was got below stairs, the Landlord came to shew me what I had de∣sired long before, viz. the Letter which Don Antonio had put into his Daughters Bosom; for she had given it her Father; forasmuch as that she could not under∣stand any thing of it. He desired me to read it; which I did, and found it con∣taining what follows;

To the Most Beautiful that Nature e're produced.

O Adorable Beauty, and Beautiful A∣dorability! I have usurped the bold∣ness to notifie to you by these Presents the in∣tolerable Torment with which my Heart is vexed every day. And as I imagine that in so beautiful a Bosom as yours, is lodged a

Soul full of Compassion, I come to prostrate my self at your agreeable feet by this Wri∣ting, for to beseech you instantly that it would please your Divine Beauty to look up∣on your Amorous Servant with an Eye of Compassion; assuring you that his Heart is up in a flame, and undoubtedly I shall not be long reckoned amongst the living, if you do not ease my Wounds with the comforting Balm of your Mouth, which is full of Ambrosia. Thus it only depends on you, O Victorious and Triumphing Joan, to preserve in Life your miserable and amorous Servant, or to enregi∣ster my Name in the Number of the dead. I shall see to morrow by the two considerable Suns which are under your Forehead, and for which I daily offer my most ardent Vows to the Goddess Venus, if these Lines have not put into anger your adorable and charming Beauty, then I shall esteem my self the most happy of all languishing Lovers: In the mean while I remain in the greatest anguish of Heart, with all respect

Of your incomparable Beauty, the most miserable, and even to Death afflicted Servant, Antonio Castriota.

Alas! Good God, said the Landlord, making the Sign of the Cross (for he was

a downright Roman Catholick) What does this man mean by all this stuff? Nothing, an∣swered I, but that he is in Love with your Daughter. Hereupon the Landlord and I were ready to split our sides with laugh∣ing; whereupon came in the Daughter, and after having wiped her Nose upon her sleeve, for her hands were too dirty, forasmuch as she had been busie in clean∣ing the Piss-pots: she asked her Father the reason of our laughing? Do you still ask that Question? said I to her; You must know you have made the Gentleman above stark mad with Love. I am absolutely per∣swaded, pursued I, that you have given a Philtre to this poor man; for otherwise it would have been impossible that he should have fallen into so great a folly. Good Lord! an∣swered Joan, how dare you tell such Lies? I would rather chuse the Devil should have me. She spoke these Words with so agreeable an air, that I desired the Landlord to com∣mand his daughter to serve Don Antonio with all things, and especially to look upon him with a gracious Eye; which he did accordingly that very moment, foras∣much as we were willing to make a little sport with the amorous Knight. This consent being had, I went up into my Chamber, telling Don Antonio, that Ma∣dam

Joan had spoke to me of the Letter, which she had kissed above a hundred times in my presence, as being writ with so much wit and sweetness; perswading him that in all probability she was as much in Love with him, as he with her. He got immediate∣ly out of Bed assoon as he had heard such pleasing News; he committed so many Follies that day, that for a Fortnight to∣gether I had a pain in my side through overmuch laughing. He view'd himself in the Glass above a hundred times, and put his Mustachoes in a posture that re∣sembled Hector. After this, there passed two or three days without our having any divertisement with him, for he was very assiduous with his dear Joan, and fol∣lowed her whithersoever she went, teiz∣ing her with his bombast Discourse, of which she understood not a word, but wished him a thousand Miles off. Not∣withstanding this, she durst not use him ill, forasmuch as her Father had forbid∣den her the doing so.

At Night when we went to Bed, he re∣lated to me all the Favours he had receiv∣ed from her that day; but I was not sa∣tisfied at all, as desiring to see more of his Extravagancies; wherefore I one day told him, that Mrs. Joan was a great Lo∣ver

of Poetry, and that he would do well to make a Song upon her Beauty. This seem'd to please him; for he made me An∣swer, that never any News was more a∣greeable to him, forasmuch as his intenti∣on was to make a Song within three days, which all the Poets of the world should stand amazed at. The next Morning he rose early, and after having walked in the Room, and bit his Nails, which is the custom of the Poets, he told me that he had found out two thoughts which never any English Poet had attained to the knowledge of; whereupon he sate himself down by the Table to begin his excellent Poem, not budging from the place till Hunger constrained him in the Evening, and he had hardly eaten two or three Bits, when he got up from the Table, and taking a Candle in his hand, he re∣turned again to his Chamber as fast as if the Devil had drove him. My Landlord and I were much amaz'd, not knowing what to impute it to; but we were quick∣ly informed, when he came down again with a merry and chearful countenance, and plac'd himself at Table, telling me, that he had conceived in his thoughts one of the finest Notions in the world, and that he had been in such haste to get into

his Chamber and couch it upon Paper, that he might not afterwards forget it. I could hardly abstain from laughing, when that two Persons of Quality, followed by two Footmen, came into the Inn; assoon as Antonio saw them, he leapt immediately from behind the Table, took one by the Collar, and would have strangled him, had he not been prevented by the Foot∣men; My Landlord and I staring upon this phantastical Combat, knew not which side to help, when the Lord who was first attacked by Antonio, was just parted from him by the Footman, came and spoke to us in this manner; That we needed not to concern our selves in that Scuffle, forasmuch as that Antonio was his Brother, who had lost his Sences by somewhat a strange Adven∣ture; That they had had him in a Doctors hands for some time in Hatton-Garden; but that by the negligence of the People, he had made his Escape from thence three weeks ago; which they having notice of, had done their best to find him out again, until at length a person who had lodged in this Inn, informed them where he was; that they were come thi∣ther for that purpose, and to carry him back to his former Prison, that he might do no bo∣dy any hurt.

While that we were discoursing with

this Lord touching the extravagancy of his Brother, the Footmen got the Maste∣ry of him, and bound his hands and feet, insomuch that it was impossible for him to escape.

Antonio made his Complaints, wholly distracted, that he had violence done him in a Publick Inn, and cursed the Foot∣men, but all in vain; forasmuch as they took him and carried him into a Coach which brought these Lords, and which stood at the Door.

After this, his Brother asked for his Cloaths, if there was any; offering to pay all he still owed the Landlord. The Landlord said, that he paid all but his ex∣pences that day; forasmuch as Antonio had paid him very exactly every Evening. After which, he gave him his Trunk and his Sword, which was all he brought with him into the Inn. The Brother gave a Guinney more to the Land∣lord, and a Crown to his Servants, ta∣king his leave of us with a great deal of Civility, desiring us not to proclaim a∣broad the Business, for the preventing the shame of his Family, and exposing it to the derision o•• all People. In this man∣ner did we lose poor Antonio, certainly to the great benefit of those who took

him, for could he have seized on his Sword, the business would not have end∣ed so happily, and one or other would undoubtedly had an Arm or some other Member slic'd off, seeing Antonio shewed so much strength and dexterity in that combat, that I could easily perceive that he had learnt to fence in his youth.

With the Amorous Antonio all my Di∣vertisements departed from thence; in∣somuch that I returned to my old Haunrs, that is to say, that I was very assiduous in Bawdy-houses and Taverns, playing at Cards or at Tables; for I was much incli∣ned that way, being not altogether un∣lucky.

Having one day proposed to my self to go see a Lady of Pleasure, I went to the Lodgings of a very beautiful one, who had not been very long in Town, and who was kept by a Person of Quality: I made acquaintance with her by the means of a Bawd, who was about thirty five or thirty six years old, but she was so hot that I had never seen her fellow. The old Creature had for a long time very earnestly desired me to do her the kind∣ness of a Leap, which I had always refu∣sed her; but at length I granted it her upon condition that she would bring me

acquainted with some kept Miss (for I began to be nauseated with the common Strumpets in Bawdy houses, who are there to accommodate all manner of people) who was young and sound, and that af∣terwards I would satisfie her. These Promises made her run all London over to seek out one; and having found her accordingly, she carried me thither im∣mediately. I was very much charmed with this little Creature; wherefore as I was none of the ugliest, we entred with few words into a very deep conversation. Thus was I according to my Promises, obliged to satisfie the old woman, which I did two days after, though with a great deal of loathsomness and disgust; and it cost her likewise a great deal of trouble; for she was well nigh an hour busied in erecting the Standard, which otherwise was always vigorous upon such Game.

Whereeupon I went to see again this kept Miss, who contrary to all expectati∣on, received me after a very sorrowful manner; although she was before used to come meet me, and hugg me at my en∣trance. I was much amazed at this cold∣ness of hers, forasmuch as I did not re∣member to have contributed thereto; wherefore I bega•• 〈…〉〈…〉 her the reason of

it: But she made me Answer, That henee∣forward I might seek my Pleasures elsewhere, as she certainly knew that I daily did; and for that reason she was no longer inclined to grant me the least Favour.

I was strangely startled at these words, and knew not how to understand the meaning; for I never imagined that the old Bawd would have boasted that she was served too by me, as well as that young Venus; But presently after, I knew the truth of the Matter. I embraced and kissed her, but she refused me also that small Favour, repulsing me very rudely, though this did not make me desist in the least; for I began to bear her a great affection. Seeing then that she could not get rid of me by that means, she rose from her Chair with intention to have gone out of the Chamber; but I withheld her, and took her by the Petticoat, when she strugling to g••t away, and I still holding by it, made a great hole in it; seeing this, she fell into such a Passion, that she flung at my head a flaming Faggot-stick, when by chance there fell a spark into my Breeches, for that I was then sitting with my Legs open; my Shirt which I had then on, was of Cotton Cloth, ha∣ving lately bought it of a Seaman who

was returned from the East-Indies; but now it cost me dear, for by much stirring, my Shirt broke out into a flame; where∣upon I began to leap, and cry out as if People had been assassinating me. Isabella, which was the Name of my fair One, seeing this Misfortune, for she had not expected so great an one, went out of the Room, and so out of the House; and if the Maid, who was taken up in doing Kit∣chen-Business, had not come with a pail of Water, with which she quenched the Fire, I am sure I could never have made use of that part where the Fire fell first of all; nevertheless I was in so much pain, that I cried out, and made as great a noise as if I had been possessed with a De∣vil; and if I could have caught Isabella in those first motions of Fury, I do not believe she would ever have boasted of that glorious Action, but she was wiser, and had made her escape betimes.

Having waited a pretty while for the executing my Revenge, I returned at last full of pain, to my Lodging, and went immediately to Bed, when I consider∣ed the miserable estate of my Instru∣ment, which I found as black about the Head, as if it had newly made its escape with Aeneas out of the Flames of Troy.

My Thighs & Buttocks for company, had also received their share: But these Tor∣ments were not comparable to those that little Devil caused in me; for that was almost insupportable: This made me sigh and groan, and it was the worse in that I durst not tell any one my Misfortune.

My Landlord seeing that I came not to Supper, came to my Bed-side, and ask'd me how did? I made him Answer, That I had got a Fall, and by that means a great pain in my Reins; he would have sent for a Chirurgeon, but I was against that, saying I would wait a day or two to see the progress of it. Whereupon, after he had left me, I made a Plaister, which I put upon it; but to what purpose? for in two days time I saw my Instrument as black as a Coal, and pissing, I thought I should have died of Pain, so bitterly did the salt Urine bite the raw Flesh: where∣upon I resolved to tell my Mischance to one of my Cronies, who had been some years Apprentice to a Chirurgeon, as I also did that very day by means of a Let∣ter I sent to him by a Porter. He was not long before he came to me, and having look'd upon my skinless ••nstrument, he comforted me, and desired me to take courage, promising me to ease all my pain

in three or four days time. I was over∣joyed at this good News; and he asked me the cause of this Accident, whereof I gave him the Account at large, except the Name and Lodgings of that fair One; which he laughed so much at, that the pain pierced my very heart: and certain∣ly there was cause to laugh, for if this had happened to any other, I should have laughed three times as much as my Com∣panion did.

Thus I was only now possessed with the thoughts of being revenged for my pains and griefs, when a Letter was brought me by a Porter; I opened it im∣mediately, and found it written and sub∣scribed by the Hand of Madam Isabella, with Blood, which touch'd my heart, though irritated and full of Revenge, forasmuch as by several Signs I had per∣ceived she really loved me. Whereupon, having read the Contents, I found it full of Complaints, and Vows, that she did not in the least think of so unhappy an Accident; assuring me, that she took my Misfortune very much to heart: She al∣so gave me to understand the Cause why she had that day shewed her self so dis∣dainful to me (because that Gammar Dixy, so was the Old Bawd called) had reproach∣ed

her, That she was not the only Person that had possessed my heart; that I had a Bout al∣so with her sometimes, though she was alrea∣dy far advanced in years. I raged for spight at reading these words, and was vex'd I could not go take my Revenge, by rea∣son of my indisposition, though this de∣lay did not acquit her; for I paid her sufficiently for it afterwards, as you will find by the upshot.

I had kept my Bed about a Fortnight, when my Companion proclaimed to me my Cure, which I was overjoyed at, though there was still one thing left which afflicted me, which is, that my Instrument, which was very white before, seemed still to be mourning for my Misfortune, there still remaining little brown Spots. As∣soon as I could go abroad, I went to Isa∣bella's Lodgings, instead of going to Church: She considering my Misfortune received me with Tears in her Eyes, re∣membring she had been the Cause there∣of. My pale Colour which was still paint∣ed upon my face, was an assured testimo∣ny of the Torments I had endured through her fault; wherefore she asked me a thousand Pardons, which I granted her in appearance; for I was still resolv'd to take my revenge at one time or other,

after having well satisfied my carnal De∣sires: After having thus embraced and kissed one another a thousand times, Isa∣bella was desirous to see if I could do my Duty as well as before; and to speak the truth, I was willing to shew her that my Malady had diminished my vigor but very little; and she could tell me after the bu∣siness was done, That I had received no hurt by this burning. Then she related un∣to me, according to my request, all that had passed between Gammer Dixy and her self, and from whence those Quarrels had had their Rise. I related to her in my turn by what occasion I had been obliged to do her that kindness; but that after that one Bout, I had not so much as once looked upon her. With these and such like Discourses the time passed insensibly away, when that I found my self obliged to leave my Venus, as being upon the point she expected the Lord who kept her, and who was used to come to her Lodging exactly between six and seven a Clock.

From thence I went to the Bawds House, who had cost me so many tears in so little a time, though without designing to do her any mischief that evening; but only to see if nothing would escape from her

touching the Quarrels she had had with I∣sabella; but I found she concealed all things past as if she had not had a tongue. She did not so much as make any mention of the Affection I bore Isabella; she chuck'd me under the Chin, asking me how I came to be so pale? I made this Answer, that I had had a Feaver these three weeks, and that it had not yet entirely left me: af∣terwards I gave her that Evening the greatest Mark of Kindness that I had ever done before; which I did only that she might have no suspition of my Revenge; but yet she tormented me sufficiently, for imagining that I was fallen in love with her beautiful countenance, she took me a∣bout the neck, and would not leave hug∣ging me every moment, even to the aban∣doning her self to impudent groping, as being in hopes that before my departure I would give her once again my Benedi∣ction. I desired her with the most obli∣ging words, to wait a day or two longer, until that my strength was recovered, which I remonstrated to her was very much diminished by my sickness (though it was done by the burning and Caresses of Isabella) and then I promised to satis∣fie her in all she should desire of me. By these Reasons I was freed for that Even∣ing;

and being return'd home, I fell to inventing some Trick to play her. About Night I went again to her House, and was received with extraordinary Caresses. Amongst other Discourses, she told me that she had so many Blisters upon her Breech, that she could hardly sit down, and that those things put her to so much pain that she was no longer able to en∣dure it; whereupon I took that occasion, forasmuch as that I knew a remedy which made her think on me for a week after. I told her that I knew a Remedy that would cure her in two or three days; insomuch that she should not be the least incommo∣ded by them; and that for the love of her, I would cause it to be prepared a∣gainst the morrow. We agreed upon the point, and on the morrow I went out into Lambs-Conduit Fields, to seek out a Nest of Pismires, which I found there, after having used all diligence in seeking; I cut it up with the Grass, and carried it to Gammar Dixy, whom I perswaded that there was nothing better for Boyls; and presently after that Turf had been a while applied to the Body, all the inflam∣mation would be gone, and she would find a great deal of Ease: She gave Credit to my words, and placed her naked Breech

upon the Turf; and after having been so seated about a quarter of an hour, the Pismires growing sensible of the heat of her Buttocks, came out in crowds to be∣siege her Arse-hole, which made her al∣most mad by reason of their stingings: In the mean while I split with laughing, and perswaded her that this was very ad∣vantageous for her health? and the rea∣son why I laught, was to see her make such Faces. But the sport became at length altogether insupportable to her, when the Pismires began to mount higher upon her Body; whereupon she snatch'd from my hand a long Pipe wherewith I smoak'd Tobacco, and putting it into her mouth, she fell a scratching all over her Body with her hands as if she had been distracted; which rais'd my Laughter to that excess, that I could no longer look upon the Sport; and seeing that it was the finest occasion to compleat my Design, I pusht her into the fire, insomuch that by this means the Pipe broke in her Bo∣dy, whereupon she fell a crying so furi∣ously, that I thought it time to be troop∣ing; and accordingly I march'd off, after having kicked her five or six times; and in this manner I went my ways without making more noise. I have since been

in∣formed by some Ladies of Pleasure who were used to go and see her, that sh•…•… ran for above six days about the Hous•…•… like one possessed with a Devil, tore her hair off, and could almost have killed her felf out of impatience, and the pain that the Pismires caused in her Body; but the piece of Tobacco-pipe, though it had done her some little hurt within, was voided the next day by the usual Seat.

From thence I went to Isabella's Lodg∣ings to acquaint her with the Revenge I had taken upon the old Bawd, who had been the first occasion of my Mishap; she was so much delighted with it, that I had above a thousand Kisses for my reward. But while that I went to divert my self every where in this manner, my Money; though I had husbanded it to purpose up∣on all occasions, was very much diminish∣ed, insomuch that of the fifty Pounds which I had, I had not above four and twenty left, and out of that was to pay for diet and lodging about fifty shillings, insomuch that I began to be very much af∣flicted, for that there was no appearance I could get any from any place.

Being thus oppressed with sorrowful thoughts, I went into one of the most re∣nowned Taverns of the Town to cure my

affliction by a glass of Wine: I found there four young Sparks playing at In and In, who seem'd very hot at play, for they set three Guynneys a time; I look'd upon this Sport for about half an hour, when the Fancy took me to venture also some Money, seeing that none of the four had had a good hand all the while. I had all my Treasure about me, and resolv'd to win as much more, or lose all, and then list my self in a Regiment; for I saw no other means to subsist honourably. Where∣upon I set half a Guynney at first, which I won; but when I was to have cast the Dice, I saw they set more upon the Ta∣ble at one Bout, than I had been able to have paid if the Dice had not been favou∣rable to me: Notwithstanding that, I resolved to throw, and was so lucky as to have four good hands together; inso∣much that I won about forty pounds. In short, in a very little time my Compani∣ons at play lost all their Money, and I saw my self at length Master of near two hundred pounds what in Gold and Silver, which made me resolve to change my Lodging; and forasmuch as that I fear'd my Unkle might one day come to find me there.

In these thoughts I went and took a

Lodging in a private House, in one of the most solitary places of London; telling my Landlord that I had found a good Occasion to Accompany a great Lord who was going into France, in the number of his Domesticks; which I did for two Reasons: the first was, to preserve my self in the good opinion of my Landlord; for losing that, might have done me some in∣jury, seeing he was well acquainted with our Family: and the other, for to get rid of my first Company, that is to say, Chirurgeons men, whom I had always haunted; for being become so rich, I was too proud to render my self familiar with those sort of People.

In short, I caused two Suits of Cloaths to be made me, of which, one was very rich, and the other was something less; and there did not pass a Month but that I had the company of all manner of Peo∣ple, and easily forgot the former Acquain∣tance.

It one day happened that six of the most Debauched of us met together, up∣on which occasion we drank so hard, that we were hardly able to stand upon our legs. After being all drunk, we took two Coaches, and bade the Coachmen drive us to Hempstead-Heath, with inten∣tions

to recover our Sences after our Debauch, as to divert our selves with fuch People as we met on the way. When we met on the Heath, we left our Coaches at the Bowling-Green, and walked on afoot; we had not gone far, when we saw a Lady on Horseback, with a Man following her on another Horse. This Occasion seem'd very favourable to me for the executing my Design; when I was drunk, I imagined all Women were Whores, and my Companions were of the same humor and opinion; and assoon as they came at us, I caught hold of her Horses Bridle,, crying, Stay you Whore; and asking her with a cruel Tone, from whence she came, and whither she went, and what she did with that Man with her? She told me, she was going to London, and that that Man was her Husband, he not being in a Livery, I could judge that she told me this only to oblige me to let them pass; for though he was dress'd Gentilely enoguh, yet his Cloaths were not to be compar'd to those of the Woman; where∣fore I told her that such a Lubberly Bump∣kin could not have so fine a Wife: But I had a Fancy to know it from his own Mouth; whereupon, turning towards him, I ask'd him; How, Mr. Bumpkin, is this your

Wife? or are you her Husband? and who joyned this fine couple together? Upon these words the poor fellow was in a peck of fears, telling me that it was his own wife, and that he had been married to her this three Months. Well! and what do you think of these gross Lies, said I to my Companions, which these People would make us swallow for real Truths? whereupon we were all of opinion to make them do their business in our presence, and that in case of resistance, we should constrain them to it with our naked swords; and one of my Companions took that poor Fellow, and commanded him to make himself ready for the Attack, swear∣ing to him by all that is most sacred, if he opposed it, or did not do his business well, he would run him through. In the mean while, I with my other Compani∣ons made the Lady alight, and had put her into a posture to receive the Cavalier at one jump into his Seat: This being done, the Fellow mounted, and we all surrounded them with our naked Swords, I was near her head, where I had plac'd my self for curiosity sake; and I heard her say to the Fellow, Ah Peter, for the love of God put it aside: but whether that Pe∣ter took too much pleasure therein, or

that he was afraid of us, he did his bu∣siness in due manner, answering the Lady, Truly, Madam, I dare not, for they threa∣ten to kill me if I am wanting in any thing in this Affair; so this Lout enjoyed through fear what he would a hundred thousand times have wished to have done by free consent; for she was in my opini∣on, one of the most beautiful Ladies a∣bout the Town. Peter having done his Business, got up, and gave his hand to the Lady, to raise her, who burst out into tears, which seeing, I was touch'd with pity, and said to my Companions, Let them go now they have satisfied our Com∣mands.

I think this was the first time that I committed any wicked Action in publick, and I repented it presently after; and had it not been for the Wine which possessed my Head, and which had spoiled all my Sences, I should never have been brought to it; but presently after I had a very di∣verting Adventure; forasmuch as I had no∣thing to do, and studying went against the grain with me, I commonly padded upon the hoof through the streets all the day long, only avoiding such places as I knew my Unkle dayly frequented; and as Idleness is the nourishment of Love, it

happened shortly after that I became ena∣moured on a Periwig-makers Wife, whom I had never seen before; she was in my opinion as beautiful as I could have wish'd her, and I found by those first Glances, my heart wounded in such a manner that I forgot to proceed on in my way; where∣upon I entred into the Shop, forasmuch as that I saw no man there, asking the price of a Periwig, which I pretended to buy; but to speak the truth, my eyes were more fixt upon the Lady than the Periwig, though I bought one to obviate the suspition of coming there only to see her. We quickly agreed upon the price, for I was very liberal after the Example of all Lovers: Thus being agreed touch∣ing the Periwig, I amused my self for some time in discoursing with her; but I assure you that as her eyes had triumphed over my Liberty, so her tongue did no less; for she talked with so smooth, so sweet an E∣loquence, that I was forced at my going away, to leave my whole heart in pawn. Being returned, to my Lodgings, I was contriving all imaginable means to com∣pass my Design; but I found none capa∣ble for my purpose. These Thoughts so possessed me, that I lay all the night without sleeping, when remembring that

I had once made use of a Bawd, for an Affair of the same Nature, who had a peculiar Talent at corrupting married Women. This Woman had formerly lived in a pretty good condition; but her Husband had left her for faults she had committed; whereby she was constrained to make use of this wretched Calling. Whereupon, I confided to her the whole Affair, promising her a reward worthy of her trouble, in case she obtained for me that I desired of that Woman: But well knowing that Faith has no power without good works, I put a Guinney into her hand, which made her so nimble that she would have gone even to Hell for my sake: And to speak the truth, this was a very extraordinary Liberality in my person; for I very seldom disburs'd Mo∣ney, without first having had the value of it. But then I was more uppish than I had ever been. In short, I was so much in love with this woman, as to want re∣pose day and night; even the company of fair Isabella was become disagreeable to me, and as beautiful as she seemed be∣fore to my Eyes, she afterwards seem'd as ugly, so possessed were my thoughts with the Periwig-Maker's Wife.

Three days were hardly over, when my Bawd brought me notice, that she was born at Amsterdam, and that her Hus∣band was an Italian by Nation, to whom she had been married about two Months before, having been constrained thereun∣to by her Father and Mother, and that she did not much love him; that she was very proud and haughty, and might ea∣sily be won by Gifts and Presents: This seem'd to me a very good beginning, and I wrote to her a Letter that very same day, which I filled with so many Testi∣monies of a most ardent and sincere affe∣ction that my Wit was capable of invent∣ing. I sent it her by Margaret, so was my Bawd's Name, and though she sent me no Answer in writing, as I had desi∣red her to do in my Letter, I was never∣theless very well satisfied in that it had not been rejected.

Two days after I sent her another Letter with a point Cornet that cost me ten Guinneys; then it was I first saw the power that Gifts and Presents have over the hearts of Women; for she returned me thanks very obligingly by Margaret, telling me, That I should find her the day following at Margarets House at such an hour, though she was sorry she could not

satisfie me in what I sought for. I thought a long time upon these words, and the more I repeated them in my Memory, the less I understood them; but Time, said I in my self, will discover the meaning.

I gave Money to Margaret, to buy De∣licacies to treat her; and as I could not sleep before, being so deeply afflicted for the doubtful estate of my Love, I could much less rest now, through the remem∣brance and consideration of the Joy and Blessing I was upon the point of posses∣sing. Assoon as it was day, I got up out of Bed, and put the Periwig I had bought of her upon my head, with a Hat adorn'd with a fine Plume of Feathers; I put on a fine silver-fring'd Scarf, and a silver-hilted Sword by my side; insomuch that in this Equipage I was as Sparkish as any of the bravest Officers of the Guard. I was so delighted with my own posture in that rich Habit, that I prophesied to my self a good issue in my Affairs; the set time being come, I went to the Bawds House, where I found her my heart had so long desired to see. Her Face, on the sides whereof the Curles of her own hair flaunted, was so beautiful, that I imagin∣ed my self to see an Angel, and not a Woman. I accosted her that very mo∣ment,

saluting her, and making her my Excuses for that I came not sooner; she on her part alledged so many sorry Rea∣sons to defend her Honour, namely, for the cause she came thither, with other Trifles; which I quickly put an end to by another Discourse, which I began.

During the Meal we made, we were very well pleased, and had several Dis∣courses. Amongst other things, I be∣seeched her that she would be plain to me in those Words she sent me the day before, namely, that she was sorry that she could not satisfie me as to the thing I desired; forasmuch as that by all my Reason and all my Wit, I had not been able to divine what she meant thereby.

Sir, said she laughing, it is not necessary for me to give you any information upon that Point, since that time will acquaint you with it to your great Discomfort.

Not to seem importunate, I would not make any Instances at that time; but it was but too true that Time unridled the Mystery; for cajoling her after we had eaten our Collation in a little Cham∣ber, and casting her upon the Bed, she leapt up the same moment again, telling me, That she could take no pleasure therein with∣out being undress'd; desiring me at the same

time I would undress her; I did so in all haste, forasmuch as in that manner I took more pleasure therein my self; but I was much amazed, when being undress'd, even to her Smock, she commanded me to take it off as well as the rest; and I was much more amaz'd, seeing she was lock,d up after the mode of Italy, with a certain lock which is called The Defender of Cha∣stity. Thus was I like a Tantalus; I had the finest woman in the world in my arms; but the Use of her was forbidden me by this Lock; which made me curse all Ita∣lians, and especially the Inventer of that infernal Instrument.

You see now, said the fair One, the inter∣pretation of my Words, and it is the Assurance on which my Husband allows me to go abroad, forasmuch as he himself carries the Key in his bosom. I wish it might burn him and it self to boot, replied I; but it was in vain for me to trouble my head to open this Lock, it was impossible to do it without notice being taken thereof; which rendred me stark mad, seeing my self Master of the greatest Beauty about Town, whose eyes and hands I could only enjoy; but Love, which never abandons his faithful Ser∣vants, inspir'd me with the means to have a Key for this Lock, which was brought a∣bout in the following manner;

After having seen the affection that this fair Creature bore me, I promised to send her something which should make her Husband sleep for twelve hours so pro∣foundly, that the Noise of a Cannon should not be capable of awaking him; and that she needed only to put this into his Broth when he was upon the point of going to Bed, which might easily be done, forasmuch as this Ingredient was not past the bigness of a Pease, and that then she might take with all safety the figure of the Key, which she was to send me by Marga∣ret; and that after that I should take care for the rest: With these promises we part∣ed, and that same day I bought as much Opium as was necessary to make a man sleep so many hours so profoundly as if he had no longer any life, and I sent her this Remedy by Margaret the next Mor∣ning.

After three days or thereabouts Marga∣ret came and brought me the Figure of the Key imprinted in Wax, which I received with ineffable joy: I went immediately to a Locksmith, commanding him to make me such a Key; which he did with so much dispatch, that I had it in my pocket be∣fore it was night; which I gave my Fair One notice of, beseeching her that I might

meet her that Afternoon. We embraced one another with as much joy as we had been before afflicted at the misfortune of not being able to enjoy our desires. The first thing I did was to lead my Dear into a little Room, and to try the new Key, which I found fitted the Lock so well that I open'd it without any trouble. By open∣ing of this Lock, I had at the same time en∣trance into the Garden of Venus, wherein I wrought with as much eagerness as could be expected from such a passionate Lover as I. All my pleasures before seem'd to me but shadows in comparison of those I en∣joyed in that moment; for I found my self Master of the most beautiful person that my eyes in my opinion had ever seen.

After having made a cessation to our a∣morous Combats, my Mistress related to me how she had deceiv'd her Husband. Af∣ter that Margaret, said she, had brought me the Opium, it just happened that my Husband complained of a griping in his Belly, and went immediately to Bed; I took this opportunity to call for some burnt Wine, I put the Opium in it, which by the heat of the Wine was imme∣diately liquified. He had it no sooner in his bo∣dy than that he began to snore so loud that I ea∣sily understood that he must needs be in a d••ep sleep; notwithstanding this, for my bett••r se∣curity

in the business, I took him by the Nose, and pinched his Cheeks, and also took a Pin, & pricked him in divers parts of his Body; but it was in vain; for he was as deeply asleep as if he had been upon the point of sleeping eter∣nally: Whereupon I opened his Wastcoat, and found the little Key in a small Purse, which was in the Lining of it; I imprinted imme∣diately the Figure thereof in Wax, putting the Key again into the Purse, I buttoned his Wastcoat, insomuch that it was not possible for him to perceive that any body had seen it. He slept for about fourteen hours, and waked but about three of the Clock in the Afternoon, which he was very much amazed at, saying, that he had never slept so long together at a time in his Life, grumbling against me ex∣treamly for that I had not awaked him; I made him Answer, that I did not, for that I thought his sleeping so, might be necessary for the easing his Pain. He was very well sa∣tisfied with this Answer, and imagined that the Lock would keep me from all manner of Amorous Excuses.

After that, I began again to cajole her, and we laughed heartily at the Prank we plaid the poor Cuckold.

Thus had we our Divertisement for a∣bove two Months in Margarets House, without Isabella's, who flattered her self

that she was the only person who posses∣sed my heart; neither had she the least knowledge of this Conversation, foras∣much as I did not forbear making my Court to her, and caressing her in her time, though it was partly against my will; for my thoughts were so fixed upon the pleasures I had enjoyed in the company of that woman, that I had no perfect sa∣tisfaction any where but in her presence. The reason that made me continue my Visits to Isabella, was only to take revenge for that she had so disfigured my Instru∣ment: I dayly found then an occasion to execute my Design, but my heart was not contented with a small revenge; where∣fore I chose rather to wait some time, un∣til that I had found a more favourable oc∣casion: In the mean while Isabella had five or six Freckles in her Face, which af∣flicted her as much as if all her happiness was thereby endangered; she made to me her complaints, telling me, that she would give five Guinnies to the poor, could she be but freed from them. You will be per∣haps amazed that a Whore offers Money to the poor; but I assure you that they do it sometimes; and I believe they only do it to oblige their Successors to the same Liberality, that being stripp'd of all

their Fortunes, and become poor, they may have wherewith to live on.

Assoon as I heard this pleasing News, I saw an opportunity to pay her for the Misfortune she had caused to me; where∣upon, I made her Answer, that she needed not to grieve her self for so small a mat∣ter, forasmuch as that I knew how to take them away in two days time by the means of a certain Water: She hugg'd me there∣upon, conjuring me to bring it her; which I granted her after she had begg'd of me for a great while, because I had made her believe it was one of the finest Secrets, and that perhaps there were not two Doctors in the Town that knew it: I made her likewise first pass her word that she would give no body a drop of it: then I went and bought the best Aqua fortis that I could find, mingling with it the Water of Roses and Lillies, that the vehement Odour of the Aqua fortis might be somewhat temperated. Having min∣gled it very well, I carried it her, shew∣ing her how she was to make use of it, that is, she was to rub those places with a lit∣tle Sponge dipt in the Water, and that if she had a mind to be absolutely freed from them, she was to put a piece of Linnen steep'd in that water over all her face

except her eyes, by reason that it had a cor∣rosive Virtue.

It was towards Sun-set when I gave her all these instructions, insomuch that Pre∣sently after I took my leave of her with promises of returning thither on the mor∣row to see if the Freckles were diminished. About Break of Day I went to Isabella's House, and found her in her Bed with a Cloth upon her Face, wherein there were holes made as in a Masque; and foras∣much as she was still asleep, I took the Linnen from off her Face, which by the strength of the Aqua fortis, was become as yellow as if it had been painted with that colour; the places where the Freckles had been, were easie to be discerned, for∣asmuch as that they were become abso∣lutely brown; for in all likelihood she had exactly followed my counsel, by rea∣son that I could see that this had been oc∣casioned by the strength of the Water. I awaked her, after having seen that my de∣sign had so well succeeded with me, and commanded the Maid to reach me the Looking-Glass, and said to Isabella, while she was viewing her self in it, What do you think, Madam Isabella, does not this as much become you as when you made my Instrument so black? we have nothing more now to re∣proach

one another with; for in all appear∣ance that Colour will stick by you still for some time. She seeing the miserable con∣dition of her disfigured Face, began to tear her hair; but the injurious Names she called me, were innumerable: where∣upon I began to bethink my self of being gone from thence, as I did immediately; for I had not yet forgotten her Rage, and the Misfortune she did me by Fire.

Thus though I could easily imagine that this Action I have now related had banished out of Isabella's heart all Affe∣ction towards me, I was not much afflict∣ed, forasmuch as that of my other beau∣tiful Mistress, I mean the Periwig-makers Wife, did comfort me for that loss; with whom I lived three Months longer in a most perfect Amity, and full of Pleasures. In all that time I did not think that my Money did dayly diminish, for my eyes were so blinded by Love, that I had no other thought than of pleasing my Mi∣stress, which could not be done without a great deal of Charges; for I was obliged from time to time to make her one or o∣ther Present, which she asked of me; for if I had refused her any thing, she would not have continued in the good Sentiments I had furnished her with, by perswading

her that I was a Gentleman, and that I li∣ved upon my Estate. Margaret was of the same opinion, for she knew me not before, for that she had always seen me well stockt with Money; and my liberality towards her for her Services, had imprinted in her that good opinion of me: Thus by these Presents I made my Mistress, and what I gave Margaret, joyned to the expence of Feasts and Collations which I had giv∣en, all my Money began to draw to∣wards a declension, and I had not above half a quarter left of that I won; so that I was in a deep affliction; for I could well prognosticate that with my Money I should at the same time lose the Love of my Mi∣stress; forasmuch that I was not igno∣rant that my Mistress had some knowledg of my necessity, and for that reason had not asked any thing of a long while of me, I must of necessity have Money to go with her into one House or other; for we could not do the Feat in the open street; which made me take somewhat a strange resolution; for the dread of Poverty does make many attempt rash and mad things, though I said not a word to any Body.

I went and bought in Long-Lane a Coat and Breeches of a common Souldier, with an old Belt; and dress'd my self very ear∣ly

in the Morning, putting on old Stock∣ings and an old Hat, and put a Plaister up∣on my left Eye so big as covered half my Cheek, insomuch that I thought my self sufficiently disguised in that posture; whereupon I went out of the House before any of the Domesticks were up, that I might not occasion any suspicion by this fantastical Apparel. I was not at all in pain for my return, for I had put on my other Cloaths under these; insomuch that there needed no more to appear honoura∣bly than a new Hat. In that Equipage I went towards Brenford, with a pair of good Pistols in my pocket, with intenti∣on to have Money that very day, or to be the Ornament of a Gallows: But Fortune in all appearnce seem'd to favour my De∣sign; for before I was got as far as Ful∣ham, I saw a man on Horseback, who had the Meen of an Alderman; for that he rid with Spatter-dashes; I immediately made ready my Pistols, and taking his Horse by the Bridle, and setting a Pistol to his Breast, I demanded his Money. He had a man along with him, but on foot, and coming on me as my Back was turn∣ed, he thought to have run me through the Body behind; but I perceiving him, sir'd a Pistol at him, which however had

not the effect I desired; for it only toucht his right Arm, and I thought to have de∣priv'd him both of Speech and Life; he however let fall his Sword, and ran away in all haste, bawling out Thieves. Seeing then that I had rid my self of the man by this means, I took my other Pistol into my hand, making an oath to kill him if he gave me not immediately all the Gold and Sil∣ver he had about him. These Menaces ob∣liged the old Gentleman to give me his Purse; after which, I commanded him to get off his Horse, constraining him to swear that he would not discover the bu∣siness to any body, and I found him more loth to do that, than to give me his Mo∣ney; but seeing that I still kept the Pistol upon his Breast, he obeyed me; but if af∣ter that, he kept his word, or violated it, I know not: I know very well that I had never any intention for that Crime.

Thus mounted I the Horse, and taking leave of the old Gentleman, I said to him, Sir, I beseech you to excuse this rash action, for Poverty and Despair have been the cause of it, and that for the rest, I wisht him so much hap∣piness, that he might quickly find this loss re∣compenced. He made me no Answer; but a∣way went I, and wheeling a little about, I went full speed to London, and coming in∣to

an Inn in Holborn, a Gentleman liking my Horse, asked me if he was to be sold? Having told him Yes; he asked me for how much? I told him for five and twenty Guin∣neys; and he offered me twenty immediate∣ly; which I took, though the Horse was worth thirty; for I durst not keep him long for fear of being discovered. After having drunk a Glass there with my Chap∣man, I went into a Tavern, and opened my Purse, & found therein above fifty pounds in Gold; I bought me immediately ano∣ther Hat, and having taken off my Soul∣diers cloaths, and my Plaister from off my Face, I went in my usual Cloaths to my Lodging, though not without some fear, though I have since often met the Gentle∣man that I robb'd, but he suspected not in the least that I was the man, insomuch that I began to pursue my pleasures by the means of this Money.

Thus was I resolv'd to spend my time as pleasantly as I could with my Periwig-ma∣kers wife; but Fortune was not so favou∣rable to me, for I have seen her but thrice since that time; she was the last time so pet∣tish and out of humor, that I could not prevail with her to tell me the reason thereof, nor could I give her comfort in a business that I was so wholly unacquainted

with. And I am willing to own it (though I am ashamed that a man should weep so) that the pity to see her so afflicted, drew tears from my own eyes. And to speak the Truth, these tears were an ill presage for me, for I never saw her more after that in London. I gave one day Margaret order to go see her in her House; but the neigh∣bours made her Answer, that the people of that House were troopt away privately: This News afflicted me to the highest point, and I was in the greatest disquiet imaginable, as having loved her extream∣ly; but seeing that this affliction was to no purpose; I comforted my self by renew∣ing my former way of Life, for solitari∣ness went against my heart.

I had one day a desire to go see Isabella, for I began to repent that my desire of re∣venge had proceeded so far; but there was no remedy, unless it were to gain her again by Entreaties and Presents; but as the Night was already far spent, I was of opinion to defer my purpose till the mor∣row morning, as I did; when I went be∣times to her Lodgings, and finding her door open below, I went softly up stairs, and found Isabella still in bed; I look'd up∣on her face, which I found very beautiful, and without spots or freckles, insomuch

that the mischief I did her turn'd not to her disadvantage, though I knew very well that her face would change in time, I did not believe that the freckles would have gone away; she lay there with her bosom all naked, the delightful form whereof ex∣cited so much desire in my Breast, that I could not constrain my self any longer; then I prepared my self for the Attack; but in the very moment that I would have got upon the Bed, she awaked, and seeing me by her in that posture, she began to cry out with all her might, Thieves, Thieves, which so terrifi'd me, that I lost the use of my Speech; but the morel cox'd her, the more she cried Thieves: Thus did I see my self oblig'd to depart the Room; but the Misfortune was, that being upon the mid∣dle of the stairs, I met three or the Carpen∣ters men at whose House she lay, the first of whom taking me for a Thief, hurl'd me so furiously down stairs, that all my Members had like to have been broken; one of them below received me with as much Civility as could be expected from that sort of People, they gave me an innu∣merable company of Blows, and swing'd me off at that rate, that I thought this day would be the last of my Life; and indeed I had not come off so well as I did, if the

Carpenter who knew me well enough, ha∣ving seen me pass through his Shop so ma∣ny times to her Lodgings, had not come to my rescue, and freed me out of the •…•…ands of those Executioners. He asked me •…•…mmediately how this mischance had hapned •…•…o me? but the Blood gushed in such abun∣dance from my mouth, that I was not a∣ble to make him any Answer, which ma∣king him entertain some suspition, he took me by the Sleeve, and led me above, to hear from Isabella's mouth what was the matter; who seeing me so claw'd off, made answer, That she was mistaken, having taken me for another, forasmuch as that she was half asleep, and her eyes hardly open. She added some sorry excuses; whereupon the Carpenter went away, saying, That I was oblig'd to excuse his men, who thought to have done their duty, and that it was good luck that they had not maul'd we worse than they did. I gave him not a word in Answer to this Complement, being busie with stanching and wiping away the Blood.

In the mean while up came the Maid, who knowing nothing of all this Bustle, asked me immediately the cause of that miserable condition she saw me in? I re∣lated to her the whole Affair; which she seemed very much amazed at. In the

mean while Mrs. Isabella being got out o•…•… Bed, and having something cleaned my Cloaths with her Maid, she told me, Well, Sir, do you not think you have well merited this upon the account of the Water you bestow∣ed upon me for the taking away my Freckles? Nevertheless I had no other intentions by my crying out, than to oblige you to go out of the Chamber, forasmuch as of good right I hold you for one of my greatest enemies, but not to have had you so severely treated, though you have well deserved it. I gave her not a word in Answer to that reproach; and ha∣ving ask'd for a Looking-Glass, I saw my face so disfigur'd, that it was all covered with blew and black spots, my eyes seem'd as if they would have burst out of my head, and the pain I had over all my members, was almost insupportable, the rage & vex∣ation I was in made the tears gush out of my eyes. The truth is, Isabella had some rea∣son to be dissatisfied, but this revenge seemed to me too bloody; though she seem'd to be very much afflicted at it; she desired me also that very morning to pardon all on both sides, and to think no more thereof; but I was deaf to this discourse, chusing much rather to lose my Life than an affair of this nature. I sent for a Cloak by a Porter, forbidding him to discover to any body the place of my abode; for I was not wil∣ling Isabella should know it.

Whereupon was I forced to keep my Chamber eight days in this miserable con∣dition, and as soon as I was well-enough cured to be able to go abroad, I went as my custom was, into one of the most infamous Bawdy-houses of Whetstones-Park; for the custom of sinning was be∣come natural, tho I was no longer fond of frequenting publick Bawdy-houses, as I have already said, to satisfie there my Carnal Desires: But I took very much de∣light in the Discourses that are common∣ly heard there. Amongst other Misses of Pleasure, there was one who was none of the ugliest, and who had a smooth and oily Tongue. I presently made acquain∣tance with her, as taking most with my Humour, and won her, but by a Neck∣lace of false Pearl which I made her a Pre∣sent of. I invited her to go to Hide-Park the next day, which she made no diffi∣culty of yielding to, taking this for a mark of Affection.

On the Morrow I took a Coach, and having taken her in, being dress'd very gawdily, away we drove. In the way her pleasant Discourse carried me to ex∣travagant passions, namely to satisfie my desire in the Coach. I discovered to her my thoughts, at which she fell a

laughing, and posted her self immediate∣ly in a posture suitable to my Wishes. But while I was taken up with kissing her after this manner, the Coach-door open∣ed, I know not whether it was through our motion, or by mischance, but we tumbled out in the same posture we had placed our selves; and to heighten the misfortune, the ways was so dirty through the continual Rains, that they were all full of dirt, so as we were as pitiously bedawbed as if we had been drawn thro a Mire. The Coach-man, who by the noise of the Wheels and the rest of the Tackling of the Coach, had not taken no∣tice of our Misfortune, had still pursued his way, insomuch that I was forced to run after him, forasmuch as that he was a good space of way before us. He was according to all appearance very much amazed, not knowing by what means we were got out of the Coach, but he had so much discretion as not to ask it. In the mean while we cleaning our Clothes, and after we had taken a turn in the Park, we went to Chelsey, where we had our Clothes put in the best posture that it was possible.

I could not well understand my mis∣fortunes, that follow'd so close upon

the heels of one another, I who had been so happy all my life time, tho that this last adventure could not be reckoned for an unhappiness, since it did but very little hurt to our Clothes; wherefore it was rather worthy of laughter than of pitty. Nevertheless it seem'd to me an ill pre∣sage of my life to come, tho that these sort of adventures do not always prove laws. But to return to our Discourse, You must know that we spent that day in all manner of Divertisements, for to comfort the Miss for her Cloths being spoiled, J had given her half a Guiny, which liberality did so oyle her Tongue, that she sung all the way like a Nightin∣gale: For besides her other Qualities, she had an excellent and very pleasant Voice, which was alone capable to gain the heart of a Man. All the Charms being thus joyn'd, I found the time shorter then I thought, wherefore I sent the Coach-man back with his Coach, and spent some hours more with my Mistriss; who as soon as she came into rhe Tavern, could not forbear telling our Adventure to the Vintners Wife, which we laughed at for a long while with a great deal of pleasure.

After I had thus lost my Perriwigg-ma∣kers Wife, I frequented Companies every

day: I heard one of my Companions say, that he had seen at St. Edmundsbury in an Inn he mentioned a very beautiful Mai∣den, That during all the time he had been there, he had been three times at her House to see her, but that she had been so coy and haughty, that all the pains he took to see her, were to no purpose, tho he had been assured that she was for the sport. There were se∣veral Discourses thereupon amongst us, which encouraged me like a truly loyal servant of Venus to go thither the next day. I told my Landlord that he was not to expect me in a Week or Fortnight, for as much as I was to go out of Town: On the morrow I put on my best cloaths, took with me about thirty pounds, and away went I for Berry: Then I found that the Beautiful Maiden, whose Qualities my Companion had so much extolled, was the Daughter of the House. She was dressed in very gorgeous Apparel, which added no small lustre to her Beauty; tho it was without exaggeration great e∣nough to inflame the passion of a Man, yet she never shewed her self without having first consulted her Looking-glass for an hour. The two first days I was there, I had nothing of her but the sight, tho I had taken a great deal of pains to

speak to her; but I thought her not so over proud, but that her Mother who was always with her, put the greatest obstacle to our Conversation. This watch∣fulness of the Mother did still more inflame my heart, insomuch, that I let not a mo∣ment sl••p without seeking an occasion to speak to her alone; and for that purpose I had prepared a Letter, wherein I discovered to her my thoughts; but I saw nolikelihood of making her yield without her Mothers perceiving it. This made me resolve to buy her something to make her a present of, and to deliver her the Letter, under that pretence.

I went and bought a fat Capon that very same day, and being returned to our House, I asked what she thought of it, and what it was worth? Her Mother was present, but some other Affairs a∣rising, she, left us alone for some time, when in the mean while the Daugh∣ter asked me if I had bought that for my Mistriss? I told her, Yes, and that I had bought it for a Lady for whom I had a great deal of Affection. Sir, said she to me, I could wish also to have so liberal a Lover: You have him, said I, without perhaps knowing it, your self: I bought it for you, and I beg you would accept it as a Mark of my Affection: I have added a Lettr

to it, that you may be further informed of the matter. Having said this, I gave her the Capon and the Letter, which she thank∣ed me for with a low Courtsie, and she had hardly time enough to take away those things when her Mother called her.

I must own that I was so innocent a Crea∣ture then, as not to know that the Booty entred into a publick Chest, as I afterwards found; for all the watchfulness of the Mo∣ther, and all the assiduity of the Daughters, did tend to make ••••rangers believe that they were honest people, and that she took great care of her Daughters honour; in the mean while she endeavoured to render them the more hot by these means; for when she saw Presents were a coming, she knew so well how to feign business up and down the House, and as soon as she perceived her Daughter was seized on the prey, she gave her immediately something to do. By these means she had already deceived a great many people, and thought to trepan me after the same manner, as I will tell you hereafter; thus this Letter had not any effect, only that it produced some ai∣miable looks and glances: insomuch as I could easily understand there were no more hopes for me, unless I made more presents.

Whereupon one Evening I made her a

Present of two fine lac'd Handkerchiefs which Isabella had bought for me a little before at Bartholomew Fair, though they cost me dear enough at that time. These Handkerchiefs had more effect, for tread∣ing on my Toes she gave me a sign to fol∣low her. Which I did accordingly, without her Mother, as I thought per∣ceiving it; and being come Into the Court, she told me, That about ten a Clock at Night I might come into her Chamber, -where we should have opportunity enough of discoursing together. I thought then certainly that this Fort was already won, forasmuch as that it sought to parley. Thus I wait∣ed till Ten, with a great deal of impati∣ence, and the Clock having struck, in went I gently without Stockings or Shoes; being only to go up a small pair of Stairs. I found her there sitting in her Night Dress, insomuch that I fancied she must that very moment have leap'd into Bed, but the affairs was not yet so forward, for she commanded me to sit down, and after having asked me several Questions, namely, touching my Friends, my place of Birth, the Circumstances of my Estate, to which having paid her with a Regiment of Lies, she would needs know to what end I had written her that Letter. I was

amazed at this Query, as indeed having not expected it; but seeing it was neces∣sary that I should endeavour to come off with reputation, I made her answer, That the Affection I bore her from the first hour I saw her, had obliged me to write it to her, and that I pretended to nothing else thereby than to insinuate my self into her favour. There were several Discourses thereupon, which tired me more than I can say, for my design was only to satisfie my desires that very moment, and then to return to Lon∣don; and her design was first of all to draw my purse; in so much that that Night there was nothing for me to do, unless it were to feel her Breasts, which I was likewise to take for a very great favour; now for the rest she would not hear a word. Yet I had leave to come to her every night at the same hour.

I had already staid there about eight or ten days, without having made any pro∣gress in my Amour; and nevertheless me∣thought it was time to put a period to my Intrigue; for I might well imagine that my Expences began to mount to a considera∣ble Sum. Whereupon I once asked what I had to pay? How, said the Mother, I did not think you would have been gone so soon? For I had made her believe that

I should stay there a Month or two. No, Madam, said I, it is only to pay what I owe at present. There is no necessity for that, said the Devillish Jilt, but forasmuch as you desire it, Sir, there is Six pound ten. I pay∣ed her forthwith in Gold, for so much the better perswading her that I was the per∣son J gave my self out for. But J thought in my self that Six pound ten in nine days time was a little too much. Whereupon J resolved to stay there some days longer, to consume there indeed what she had o∣ver-reckoned me. Jn the mean while J fail'd not every night to go see the Daugh∣ter, with whom J advanced my acquaint∣ance so far, that she promised me to sa∣tisfie my desire, upon condition of ma∣king her a present of a Petticoat, and the rest J should give her for the sport, she would leave to my discretion. Being thus agreed, J went and bought her a fine Pet∣ticoat all be-laced. The price of it would come to Seven pound, whereupon J bid the Fellow to bring it to my Lodging, and that if it pleased the Lady he should re∣ceive his money the next day: It was ac∣cordingly brought to my Inn, and J pre∣fented it to Mistress Jenny, who liked it ex∣tream••y. The seller desired her to be careful of the Coat, forasmuch as that

he was not acquainted with me, and that J had bought it of him to shew it her; which she promised him to do, for she did not doubt of my sincerity, forasmuch as that J had paid her well before. J was that Evening received very amiably by the Daughter, and at night J saw my self in her Arms; for she did not doubt but that J would pay very exactly for the Petti∣coat: J own that J had a great deal of pleasure that night, tho J could per∣ceive by the door there had more than one been in before me; yet she had the art of concealing that Imperfection by a most peculiar Dexterity, which she made use of in that action; insomuch that J was extreamly satisfied with her Em∣braces, and promised her a rich Gown be∣sides the Petticoat. 'Tis not to be express∣ed what Caresses the little Gilt made me to have also this Present; but it was too late, forasmuch as that my inclination was too much chang'd after J had percei∣ved all her Whorish Tricks. At Break of Day J took leave of her, and went my way to sleep for an hour or two in my Chamber, after which pretending that J would go buy the Gown J spoke of, out J went, but it was with no design to return again, tho J had Six pound ten more to

pay. J went to the Post-Master, got Horses made ready immediately, writ a Letter which J gave to a Porter well sealed up, for to deliver to Mistriss Jenny, that she might know at one clap the loss of her Lover, of the Petticoat and Gown: the Contents of the Letter was as follows,

Madam,

What remains to be spent of the Six pound ten, you may be pleased to buy you a Petti∣coat with, and if you have not enough for that purp se, you may borrow some part of the Money upon the Handkerchiefs and other Toys I made y••u a present of. As for the Silk Gown, we will hold a general Council as to that Af∣fair, immediately upon my return, foras∣much as methinks I have paid sufficiently dear for the pleasures of one Night alone. How∣ever if you found no dis-comfort in my Em∣braces, you may come and find me out in Lon∣don, where we shall have occasion to adjust our Accounts in the Courts of Venus, Adue, my service to your Mother, and tell her that I am very sorry that I found nothing of value at her House worth the trouble of taking along with me.

This being done, J went to London very well satisfied with my self that J had per∣formed

my businesses so well, instead of being afflicted that the pleasures of one night had cost me with what I had given to Jane, above Ten Pound: but as my Money had not cost me too much pains, I spent it as fast as I got it. I fail'd not to relate my Adventure to my Companions, who rejoyced extreamly at it; for in those sort of things consisted our greatest pride. In the mean while the Prank Isabella had lately plaid me, lay still so heavy upon my stomach, that it was impossible for me to forget it: J saw no likelyhood of de∣ceiving her without having first made peace with her, neither did J think it convenient to revenge my self again on her body, as I had done before, foras∣much as that the remembrance thereof vanishes almost at the same time with the pain: but the wounds of the purse afflicts hearts a much longer time, and the re∣membrance thereof is not so soon worn out. Whereupon I resolved to play her such a prank as that she should not lose the memory of it in Three Months time.

Whereupon I went one Evening to her Lodgings, where she made me no over∣kind reception, fearing I came thither for no good; but after having discours'd an hour or two together, we made our

peace, and all was pardoned on both sides, the Contract being sealed upon the Bed for the greater Confirmation. Neverthe∣less she did somewhat suspect that in time, the freak would take me to pay her for the smart of those blows I have mentioned: But forasmuch as J had been affiduous in my Visits to her, for above a Month, and that J had shewn my self more in love with her than ever; these suspicions vanished by degrees, so as at length she asked me her self, to go take the Air with her out of Town, which we accordingly did for seve∣ral days, without my shewing her any dis∣content; which J forbore doing for the de∣ceiving her with the more efficacy. In the mean while J began to desire her to suffer me to lye with her a Night, which J had not yet done, forasmuch as that the Lord who kept her, came to see her every Evening, and spent there some time the greatest part of the Night. Isabella imagin∣ing that my Request had no other Motive than a very great Inclination, did all that was possible to dispose Matters so as that she might grant me my Request. She ask'd her Keeper's leave that she might go to Rochester, pretending she had Relations there, and that she would be back again in two or three days: Which he granted

her upon this Condition, which she gave me notice of that very Evening. J went im∣mediately to consult one of my Compa∣nions, who was a Merchants Son, and who instead of studying the Law in the Temple, sauntred away his time in Debau∣chery, unknown to his Father. Him it was J discovered my Design to, without acquainting however who the Lady was; after which J gave him all the requisite in∣structions.

The day of our Walk being come, I took a Coach for the space of four days, and put on my Best Clothes, to oblige Isa∣bella to do the like, she being to pass the time we were abroad for my Wife. I took with me a little Box, wherein I had some raggs, namely an old black, rusty Shirt, quite worne out. I set it before the Coach, telling Isabella there were some rich Silks in it, which a Friend of mine desired me to take along with me, to pre∣sent to a Lady at a Town whither we were going. For instead of going to Rochester we went but to Barnett, where we took our Lodging in one of the Principal Inns of that Town. We spent the rest of the day in Walking up and down, and about Evening returned to our Inn, where I had caused a good Supper to be made ready.

In the mean while I had put a certain Pow∣der into the Wine, which had the Virtue of making one sleep for some hours toge∣ther without waking, but took care not to drink of it my self; yet Isabella drunk heartily of it, as not being used to drink Wine. I quickly saw the effect of it, for she had it no sooner in her Body, then that it made her drowsie, and obliged her to desire me to go to Bed. But as soon as I saw she was sound asleep, I got up and opened my Coffer, putting out all the raggs, which I laid upon a Chair by the Bed-side, putting in her Gown all Lac'd with Point, and her Petty-coat done with Point too, which was the best of all she had; with a pair of Pendants set with Diamonds which she wore, and which I put into my pocket, with a Diamond Ring which she wore upon her Finger.

The next Morning early my Compani∣on came dress'd like a Foot-man in a Li∣very, and knocking at the Door, ask'd if there was not a Gentleman there by such a Name: I call'd for him immediately, and made him carry the Box down, com∣manding to make ready the Coach, and carry the Box to such a Lady about a Mile distance from thence. In the mean while I went up again, and put into the Pocket of

her old Petty-coat two Guineys, that the poor Creature might have at least where∣with to pay the reckoning and return to London. Whereupon my Companion took the Box upon his shoulders, and carried it out of the House, and after I had drank a Glass of Wormwood Wine with the Landlord; I stept into the Coach, desiring him to let my Wife rest a while longer: That I would be back in an hour and an half. In this manner was I perch'd in the Coach, and my Companion behind it; and away went we for London in all haste: but my Companion after we were out of sight of Barnet, came and plac'd himself by me in the Coach, for fear he should be known in that dress.

I could willingly have purchas'd with a quarter of my Booty the sight of Isabella and the faces she made when she waked, and how those Clothes became her which I had left her; for her Stayes, her Sleeves, with Point Ruffles, lac'd Shooes, all was in the Mode; whereas all that I had left her, were not wor••h two Crowns, insomuch that they must sute excellent well. But to let her know the reason why I had stript her in this manner, I left upon the Table a little Note which I had written in great Letters, as followeth:

If you return to London, Isabella, cry then as you did when the Carpenters Man used me so miserably, even to the making blood run down my face. At present you have rea∣son to call me Thief, tho I have only made an exchange: but if you are wise say not a word of it to any body, and have patience for this unlucky Journey of yours.

Now as soon as we were got to London, we began to think of selling all these Clothes, and went to a Shop in Long-lane, but seeing they would give but the quar∣ter of the value of 'em, I bethought my self of putting them to pawn, and of sending Isabella the Tickets that are usu∣ally given by Pawn-Brokers; that she might recover again her Goods in time. But this Money went after the same man∣ner it came, for it served us but three days: and in all likelihood I was fallen under a terrible Misfortune, for I began to perceive that a certain Gilt I had lain with in one of these Debauche∣ries, had bitten me by the head; that her Teeth was devillish Venemous, insomuch that it would cost me some Crowns to Cure it; but I could easily easily recom∣pence that loss by the value of the Dia∣monds

which were in her Pendants, which I had kept for my self.

In the mean while I caused the Pawn-Tickets to be delivered to Isabella; and she desired me by the Porter, that I would return to her with all manner of confi∣dence, forasmuch as that sh•• heartily par∣doned me the late prank, and that she really ••elieved that necessity had obliged me to it. But J was too wise to go to her again, for J quickly after saw a mantle of her Affection, which made me resolve immediately to leave London, and by luck J had changed my Lodging upon my return to Town, for as much as I appre∣hended some Effect of that Nature: for I did not doubt but that they would have taken me into Custody, as I might pre∣sume by the design which follows: One Evening, when all our Company was seat∣ed in a Tavern at Tick-tack, came in a Constable with three or four followers. I was strangly frighted at the sight of him, suspecting he might be sent upon Isabella's Account. Wherefore I started up immedi∣ately from the Table to defend my self, in case I was attacked. My Companion in Thievery did the like, so as by the Cow∣ardice of the Constables Followers, we cleared our way with Sword in hand, and

got out of the House: I went immediate∣•…•…y to my Lodgings, taking my leave of my Companion, who returned to Cam∣•…•…ridge, where his Father thought him at that time; and for my part I troop'd down to York, with about Fifty Ponnds in my Pocket, and a pair of Pistols, and in five days time I got thither, over-joyed J e∣scaped so happily.

J enquired immediately for a Chamber •…•…eady furnished, where J might remain until this Storm was over; for J had learn't by Experience that it was more advanta∣geous to dwell at a Citizens House, than to be lodged and eat in an Inn; and found one near the great Market place: J struck up a bargain with the Landlord, the three or four first days J spent in see∣ing the Town; J found the time very te∣dious in a City where J had no acquain∣tance. Being one day in the Market Place, J felt some body bobbing me up∣on the Elbow, whereupon J turned full of amazement, not knowing that there were any of my Acquaintance in that Town; and J was much more astonished when this Man presented me his hand for a mark of his Friendship, and saluted me in calling me by my Name. It was a young Youth well dress'd, and of a good

mien: But J did not remember ever to have seen him; wherefore J desired him to excuse my little Civility, forasmuch as that J had not had the honour to know him. Is it possible, replied he to me, that a Voyage of four or five years, has chang∣ed me so as not to be known again by my best Friends? Do not you remember that we dwelt in the same house in London, or have you forgot your Friend William? There∣upon considering him with attention, J knew him again, and remembred him at the remembrance of our former Friend∣ship. He told me that for the compleat∣ing his Studies, he had frequented the most Celebrated Academies of France and Italy, and that for these four or five Weeks he had sojourned at York for the complying with his Companions in Study. He asked me the state of my Health, and how I did at present. J told him J held the old Order of the Wandring Knights, and that J only sought for Adventures. Thus laughing and discoursing he led me into an Inn, where we were immediate∣ly saluted by part of the young Blades, who seem'd to me all to be good hu∣mour'd Sparks. William told his Com∣panions who J was, and the pranks we had played in our youth; whereupon J

was immediately received into the Frater∣nity of this Company.

There pass'd not a day without our playing some Drollery, wherein J took so much delight, that J no longer thought of London: We had Women in abundance, and J fancy our Colledge was more for∣midable than the Mayor himself. In the mean while we heard that at Durham there was an Inn where they commonly kept some handsome Wenches for Stran∣gers, that they might not spend their Money else where; but that it was so dear there, that let the repast be never so small it would cost you five or six pounds at the least. This was an Affair for us all together; wherefore a Parliament was called, and the result was, That we should go and remain there ten or twelve days at the Charge of the Landlord. For that purpose one of our Community, who was the finest shaped of all, was a∣justed as a great Lord of Eminent Quali∣ty, and the others that were nine, were or∣dered to serve him each according to his Quality; that he should pass for an Itali∣an Count; for as much as that he spoke that tongue perfectly well, as also all his Attendants, for they had all studied in I∣taly three or four years; J was the only

person who understood no Italian, bu•…•… to conceal that fault, and not to be o∣bliged to speak much, I was received〈…〉〈…〉 his Valet de Chambre. William was o•…•… Steward, two others of the younge•…•… were Pages, and the rest Footmen.

In this quipage, and with three Trunks fill'd with Sand and Stones, we departed for Durham, where we went forthwith to the foresaid Inn; the Landlord receiv∣ed us with his Hat in Hand, and the Land∣lady with low Curtzeys: But the mischief was, that he could not understand us. One of our Companions seeing that for vvant of knowing the English Tongue, we were like to be not over well Accomo∣dated, pretended to know some little English; which he spoke so ill that one would have svvorn he had been a Forreign∣er; but the Discourse that pass'd betvveen him and the Landlady surmounted all pleasure; for she vvas a French-vvoman and spoke English as bad as he, from vvhich there proceeded so svveet a Harmony that one could not hear them vvithout splitting ones sides vvith laughing. Nevertheless we fail'd not of bringing our ends about by these means: For we were immediately shevvn some Chambers, vvhereof the one vvas for the Connt; the second that vvas

near it was for the Steward and Me, and the Third for the Pa••es and Footmen. The Three Trunks were put into the Count's Chamber, vvhich vvas no small trouble to the Footmen vvho carried them up, for they vvere as heavy as if they had been filled vvith melted Lead.

Giovanni, so was the Footman called, who spoke a little English, was always below with the Landlady and her Maids, to whom he spoke so advantageously of the Count, that J was often amazed how he could find out all those lies. We had so∣journed there about four days without ha∣ing done ought but glut our selves with Eating and Drinking; when the Hostess began to ask Giovanni if my Lord the Count and the two other Gentlemen, who were William and I, did not love Women? He fail'd not upon a Question of this Na∣ture, to exaggerate to her our Excellent Qualities, and said that the Count had taken that Journey on purpose to divert himself with the Northern Girls. Where∣upon she furnished us that Evening with Three Wenches, which she brought into our Chamber with a Grave Complement, which we pretended not to understand, tho we understood well enough that she told those Wenches that we were Persons of

Quality, and that each of them would have at least Two Guineys for each But∣tock that Night. She that was dress'd the best immediately accosted the Count, and two others us: These Wenches were none of the ugliest, and they began to Caress us after the English Way, to which we an∣swered all in Italian, tho J did not pro∣nounce over well the little Italian I under∣stood. We spent the Night very pleasantly with those Wenches, and the next Day too at such a rate as if we had had the Estates of Princes. In the Afternoon the Count went to see the Town, accompanied with all his Train, as we were us'd to do every Day, not to cause any suspicion the Day that was appointed for our Retreat. In the Evening we made good Chear again, and then went to Bed with our Nimphs, which we continued for Four Days toge∣ther; insomuch that in all likelihood those Wenches reckoned to have five or six Gui∣neys for each Head; which we could easily perceive by the Discourse that pass'd be∣tween them: for as they were perswaded that we understood only Italian, they talk'd to one another with all manner of liberty in our presence.

On the Morrow we held a Council upon our Departure, thinking we had spent suf∣ficiently. But we were not willing to leave them the Trunks for the payment of the Hostess, without taking something in re∣venge to carry with us to Rotterdam: Whereupon the Count sent word to the Hostess by Giovanni, that a Draper should be sent for to bring some Cloth of the newest Mode; forasmuch as that he had a desire to send a Piece into Italy, by a Ship then in Harbour ready to set Sail for those Parts. This she performed in a moment, and after that Giovanni had agreed with the Draper for the price, the Count bid him come and receive his Money the next Morning at Eight of the Clock: The Draper seem'd to find some difficulty therein, but the Hostess re-assured him, telling him that he needed not to fear his Money, that she had in her House three Trunks of the Counts, against the least of which she would truck all she was worth. The Draper was satis∣fied with this answer, and we had the Piece of Cloth, which Giovanni carried out of the House in the Evening, without any bodies perceiving it, and lodged it in a place which we knew to be very safe. That Night we had our Wenches for the last time, and went out on the Morrow

with all our Train as we were us'd to do, and taking Horses, away posted we for New Castle, and there we imbarked for E∣dinburgh; we changed immediately our Cloaths, and the piece of Cloth was divided amongst us, and every one of us had sufficient to cloath our selves agaist the rigour of the Winter.

You may easily imagin with what a mor∣tal fright the Hostess was seized when the Count and his Train had forgot to return, and still more when she opened the Trunks, for all that was therein was not worth a Crown: And without doubt, the Nimphs were none of the best satisfied, when they saw they had given the use of their Bodies for nothing, tho they had still this Com∣fort in all their misfortunes, namely, that they had lost no Money thereby; but on the contrary, the Land-lord lost above Forty Pounds by the matter, for as much as that we made as good chear as a Prince, every day we were there. And besides that, he was without doubt obliged to pay for the Piece of Cloth, she having been so ready to engage for it for my Lord the Count.

I had committed an other Robbery that same Morning, which none of my Com∣panions

knew any thing of, namely, I had filch'd away a little Picture that was in our Chamber, and which my Conscience would not suffer me to leave there; for it was too fine to be left in that Chamber, tho it suted well enough with the things that are com∣monly done there: What it represented was, A Lady with her Breasts half naked, sitting by the Fire-side with her Petticoats lift us as high as her Knees: She was drying a certain Net, which was fastned at one end to the Chimney, and at the other to one of her Legs; her Face was turned to∣wards a Young Man who was behind her with his Hat off; and shew'd him with her Finger Three Men vvho vvere seated at a Table in the same Room, as if she would say, that she had already taken them vvith her Net, and that she vvould do the like vvith him. This Picture seem'd too fine to me, for to leave it there; but I did not enjoy it long, forasmuch as that it vvas stolen from me at Edinburgh, by a Wench I had vvith me, and after so pleasant a manner that I could in no vvise be displeased at it.

Thus continued I to haunt this Compa∣ny as I had done before at London, for vve troubled our selves vvith nothing only thinking on diverting our selves vvell. One Day passing by the Cross, a Maid came

and took me by the Arm, begging me to follovv her to a Ladies House vvho desired the honour of my company. I asked her Who it vvas? If I vvas allovv'd to knovv her Name? But she trug'd on without mak∣ing me any answer to that point; which made me resolve to follow her, let what would come on't, forasmuch as I was vvell enough armed to defend my self against tvvo Men: for since I vvas forced to make my escape from London, I never went without my Pistols, still doubting some prank might be play'd me by Isabella: we had gone about the length of two streets, when I saw her enter into a fine House, J followed her up the steps into a Room pretty well furnished: She looked upon me, calling me very attentively, and asked me if J had not dwelt at London? And if my Name was not Frederick? And if J had not known a certain Person called Sophia the Wife of a Perriwig-maker? J looked earnestly into the Maids Eyes upon all these Questions, without remembring to have seen her. Wherefore I was amazed, seeing she knew so many Circumstances touching my Conduct: I made her answer, That London was the Place of my Birth, and that my Name was Frederick, and that J knew Madam Sophia, and that J had

lov'd her to a high degree; but that J had had no news of her since she had left Lon∣don. She ask'd me if J knew not the mo∣tive that had made her leave London? J changed Colour, hearing the Maid speak in this manner, and a certain horror possessed all my Members, for in my life J had ne∣ver lov'd any Woman but her; and as soon as J had uttered how desirous J was to see her, J heard a door open just before me, and saw at the same time, the Fair Sophia come into the Room J was in. This unexpected re-incounter put me into such a Consternation, that J stood like a stock and motionless; but being some what re∣collected, J fell at her feet, kissing her fair hand; she left me not long in that posture but raising me up, she embraced me with a sweetness capable of drawing tears from my Eyes by the immoderate joy where∣with J was seized. After these first em∣braces, we reposed both upon a Chair; but J was amazed at the fine Moveables of the House, J was no less with the fine and rich Cloaths she wore, joined to the Lustre of Diamonds and Pearles, which made her resemble a Goddess. She per∣ceived my amazement, and told me, you seem to wonder, My Dear, at the change of my Condition, and it is not without

reason, forasmuch as that it is surprizing. But to satisfie you, J will make you in the Afternoon a Relation of all that has happened to me, since we saw one another the last time. Jt is now time, pursued, she, that we begin again to make good Chear, tho you will not be obliged to be at so much Expence as formerly. Having finished these words, she took me by the hand, and led me into a Chamber, where there was a Table covered with all man∣ner of Delicacies, and down we sat im∣mediately.

Having done Eating, I fail'd not to put Sophia in mind of her Promises, to which she answered me very agreeably: Since our last interview, said she, at Margarites House, I departed with my Husband and all our Baggage for Edinburgh: tho truth is, that J knew then J was to go away; but the reason why J did not give you notice of it, is that J could not o∣blige my self to see the Tears of a Lover, whom J cherished so much. You will pardon me this fault, if it be one, foras∣much as that Love was the cause of it. But J could not discover till a long while after, the reason that had obliged my Husband to so precipitated a departure. We had dwelt about six Months at Edin∣borough,

when my Husband came to be attacked by a very dangerous Sickness, which in the space of Eight days put him in a state of despairing of his Recovery; wherefore one Morning he sent for me to his Bed-side, telling me that he had had the misfortune to wound a Man very de∣sperately at London, who nevertheless he had been told was cured of his Wound, and that to avoid the hand of Justice, he had been obliged to leave London; yet that he was perswaded that the wounded person had not known him, forasmuch as that all was done in the Night, that o∣therwise he could not have failed of ha∣ving been sought after. He died tvvo days after he told me this, leaving me a Widovv vvithout Children, but little to subsist on. J had him buried the best and handsomest J could, foras∣much as that J had never loved him. J was not long before J was Courted by several Lovers; of whom there was not so much as one that could gain my Affe∣ctions, except an old Merchant, vvhom J did not shevv my self pittiless to, by reason of his Money. He vvas above sixty years old, and his liberality tovvards me was so great, that J could live upon it

like a Princess. As soon as the Nine Months, which is the term prescribed by Widows and Widowers to marry again was expired, Alexander, so was this rich Loones Name, asked me in Marriage. He knew well e∣nough that he was stricken in years, but he knew also that he had a great Estate, being at least worth Twenty thousand pounds in Moveables, and in Lands. Where∣fore J consented to it very willingly; 'tis now about a year since we were Wedded, without having yet any Fruit of our Mar∣riage, and never do J hope having any by him, by reason of his Age, impotence and insufficiency. A week ago J saw you pass by our House with a Company of young Men, and since that J have sought every day an occasion to speak to you a∣lone; having seen you this Morning near the Cross, J forthwith made my Maid to follow you, and to bring you hither, where∣as J retired home at the same time. Ne∣ver was there a more favourable occasion, forasmuch as that my Husband is departed two days ago for Carlisle upon some busi∣ness, from whence he will not be back this four or five days; insomuch that du∣ring that time, we may make good Cheer, be Merry, and take all manner of Diver∣tizements.

J fail'd not to kiss fair Sophia's hand by way of acknowledgement. We spent the rest of that day with all the Caresses ima∣ginable, and at Night J had the satisfacti∣on of lying with the most Beautiful Person that Nature ever made. Our former flames revived, J found in Sophia so much tender∣ness for me, as made me promise my self some good advantage from it. We had been two days, two nights, in this agreea∣ble Entertainment; when one Morning Sophia taking me about the Neck kissing, and hugging me, and telling me, You may easily understand by what J do with you, my dear Frederick, that J have no ten∣derness for my Husband; forasmuch as that without that reason no body in the World should have been capable of ma∣king me break the Faith I had vowed him. But forasmuch as by the Affection J had before for you, J am at present fallen in∣to this fault, J have proposed to my self, if you think fitting, to be always yours until that Death comes and breaks those Bonds wherewith J am tied to you. You need not trouble your head about Moneys and Estate, forasmuch as that J have Means sufficient to take along with me to spend the rest of our Life conveniently together. If these offers be to your mind, you shall

choose what place you please for our Re∣treat These words seem'd to me to come from Heaven, for never News had rejoy∣ced me so much as these, seeing my self freed thereby from all my troubles, in that J might well imagine th••s Debauch'd Life could not last long, and my Purse began to be very low. Wherepon J let her know by a thousand Embraces that her proposition was very grateful to me, and that J wish'd nothing more than to see my self with her upon the way.

I advised her immediately to send her Maid somewhere or other, for fear she should come to discover our Design, ha∣ving learnt by experience, how dangerous it is to confide ones Secrets in a Woman: After which we packed up all the Money and Jewels we could carry away with us, with the rest of the richest Moveables, with intention to depart that very day. Never∣theless, J took notice that this Maid would in all likelihood, pry into our Design in case J did not send her farther off. Where∣upon J wrote a Letter, which J gave her to carry two miles from Edinburgh, shewing her the place where she was to deliver it: She was to receive in that place a Trunk filled with Cloathes, which J had immedi∣ate occasion for; J gave her a Crown for

the more carefully performing my Com∣mission. Having thus rid our selves of the Maid, we departed for Frieth, and from thence set sail for Zealand, where vve ar∣rived in a few days; forasmuch as that J had no mind to return into any Place at England, where I thought not my self in safety. We went to Middleburgh, where we took a House to dwell there. But all the Adventures I had since, and how A∣lexander behaved himself after having lost his Wife, J will give you an Account of in the Second Part of this Book. In the mean while J wish you, dear Reader, all sorts of Prosperities; and I'll put a period to this First Part by this happy Adventure of Love which J have now related to you.

FINIS.