and discovering them afar off, are two several things; and so are speaking of things in general, and considering them particularly. By all the Letters which I receiv'd, both those of the 28th of April in answer to mine of the 3d. and those of the 5. and 12th of May to mine from Florence, it was signifi'd to me, that I must by all means return to Rome what reason soever I had to the contrary. That there were Letters sent both to the Pope and to some of the Cardinals (of which I shall speak afterwards) which were order'd to be deliver'd to none but to my self; that I should deliver them according to their directions, and be∣ware of rendring them uneffectual by my neg∣ligence in an affair of so great importance as this in agitation, unlesse I would be responsible for all the evil sequels it might have, in case the Letters were not deliver'd through my fault or absence. None could write more expressely (speaking but in general) then I had done from Florence to evince that I ought not to return to Rome, at least not all alone; nor could more strong and urging termes be us'd then those which oblig∣ed me to return without admitting of my delibe∣ration thereon.
All which notwithstanding was no conviction to me that I ought to return to Rome. For how strong soever I had said my reasons were for not return∣ing, yet I had not discover'd the main particular. I knew it could not be divined, and was perswa∣ded that had it been known, I had been dealt with in another manner.
As I was alone upon the Port of Genua, ru∣minating upon these designes, that which was in∣tended to be taken with me at Rome, and which kept me from returning thither more then any o∣ther consideration, brought a thought into my mind which suddenly chang'd my inclination and made me slight all other obstacles which might hinder me from so doing. I consider'd that God had perhaps preserv'd my liberty against their at∣tempts and artifices who design'd to deprive me of it, only that I might employ it for his service for that of the H. See, for that of Truth, and for that of the whole Church in reference to this Af∣fair; after which I concluded that I should be guil∣ty before him of ingratitude and infidelity if I de∣murr'd longer. That seeing he had once protect∣ed me against those attempts, he could do the same against the like or greater; and if it pleas'd his Providence that I should miscarry in the next adventure, I ought cheerfully to consecrate to him my liberty and life, which I could not do in a better occasion, having herein ground to hope from his mercy that I should lose nothing in the sequel but what he would one day restore a hund∣red fold. Thus I resolv'd to return to Rome, for those purposes which I shall set down when I come to speak of my actions immediatly upon it; but I resolv'd to do it with such conditions and cau∣tions as requir'd to be heeded in such ticklish cir∣cumstances as I stood in, and expected all things to be at Rome.
The principal one was, not to appear at Rome when I arriv'd there, but to return directly back without delivering the Prelates Letters, if upon my imparting them and laying forth my commis∣sion to that excellent and judicious personage a∣bove mention'd (who did not approve the so soon beginning to stirre in this businesse) he should advise me to retire without appearing or doing any thing. As on the contrary, in case he consented to my performing what I was charg'd with, I conceiv'd I ought to do it with the great∣est publicknesse and assurance that I could; that so they who contriv'd the former bad designes a∣gainst my liberty during my stay there, might no more have the boldnesse to renew the same.
I cast my businesse accordingly, and projected to arrive at Rome a day or two after Thursday or on Thursday it self; that so before another Thurs∣day (which is the day for ordinary consultations about things and persons relating to matters of do∣ctrine) I might either be upon my way back if it were requisite, or make known my quality of Envoy from the Bishops of France, which would secure me from all kind of enterprises and vio∣lences, and render my person sacred and inviola∣ble by the Maximes of the Law of Nations. For I consider'd that if on the contrary I should arrive at Rome only a day or too before Thursday, and my return should by mishap come to be disco∣ver'd before I could publish it with the solemnities requisite, I might fear least those who had be∣fore spoken to the Pope against me, would not let passe the following Assembly withour adver∣tising his Holiness thereof, without convincing him that their accusations were well grounded, and that my departure from Rome had been onely a meer trick; without confounding the Cardinal whose goodness had defended me, by shewing him that he was mistaken in his judgment of me; and without causing him to look upon me from thence forward as a wilely and suspected person, and to consent with themselves to my restraint; and that whereas his former pleading had induc'd the Pope to say Let him go, his Holinesse after this seeing me return'd might say to M. Albizzi, Cause him to be apprehended. Which he would have been ve∣ry glad to execute immediately, and to which for certain there would have been no want of his dili∣gence.
And although the Letters found with me ought in good justice to procure my release the next day, yet it was to be fear'd lest they might be suppressed or kept (at least) til another time, the Officers employ'd to arrest me being perswaded that it was for the interest of the H. see, that M. de Vabres's letter have its intire successe; and that three or four Bishops (as M. Albizzi slightingly said to me even after he had seen their Letters) by whom I was sent, ought no otherwise to be consider'd then enemies to the H. See as well as my self.
But, supposing all the justice I could desire were done me after such my Apprehending, and I were restor'd the next day to a full liberty of acting according to the commissions I had receiv'd, could I do it with any honour? could I have con∣fidence enough to appear in Rome after having been disparag'd by such an ignominy? and would not the cause intrusted to me (already but too much decry'd) receive prejudice thereby? would it be fit to commit the same to others? who would undertake it after its being thus discredited?