Spirituall experiences, of sundry beleevers Held forth by them at severall solemne meetings, and conferences to that end. With the recommendation of the sound, spiritual, and savoury worth of them, to the sober and spirituall reader, by Vavasor Powel, minister of the gospel.

14. Experiences of A.H.

ABout eight yeares since I was convinced of the sin∣fulnesse of sin, and of it in my selfe; and I was thereby much troubled in soule to see my e∣states therein, which did seem ve∣ry blacke and dolorous, to the terrour of my conscience, and

yet I used the meanes, and fre∣quently heard the word preach∣ed, but did not grow nor pro∣fit thereby; which caused me to walk very sadly for many years together, And Satan was so busie with me, that when I have gone into any roome alone, he hath so tempted me, that I have had it often in my mind to make my selfe away; But then hath that promise, and sweet saying, come into my mind, which Paul saith to the Church of Corinth, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faith∣full who will not suffer you to be temp∣ted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also, make a way to escape, that yee may be able to bear it, 1 Cor. 10.13.

And (through mercy) I went on using the meanes, though very heavy and sad, so

that about four yeares since, be∣ing much perplexed in my spi∣rit, and my condition being wavering, and not knowing what to do; I was at that time in a great feare of falling into a sin, which I then prayed against, and sought to God with many teares to preserve and deliver me from: And one night (in my sleep) being in a great perplexi∣ty of spirit, me thought I heard, as it were, a voyce that said un∣to me, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

And yet to my great shame, and sorrow, I fell into that sinne which I so much feared, which caused me afterwards to lye under so great horrour of conscience, that I could not rest night nor day, my load being greater, and more pressing on my spirit then before, so that

I could have no rest for a long time after.

Yet at the last I found com∣fort from divers promises, as that Christ saith, Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made the whole, Mat. 9.22. And Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sicke of the Palsie, son, be of good cheare, thy sins be forgiven thee, Mat. 9.2. And he saith, I will have mercy and not sacrifice, for I am not come to call the righteous but sinners to re∣pentance, Mat. 9.13.

I know I am a sinner, a great sinner, that there is no salvation to be had, but in Christ alone, and though I have had many doubts, yet I have hope in Gods mercies.

And I have these Evidences of my regeneration, and testimo∣nies that God is at peace with me through Christ Jesus.

1 In that the Lord hath hi∣therto supported mee to beare all my so many, and so great troubles.

2 What ever troubles I have met withall, yet now after all I find peace in God, and in him a∣lone.

3 I finde my heart really to desire to love God above all, and am jealous over my selfe, least my child, or any worldly thing should withdraw my love from my God, to love some∣thing else too much, and him too little.

4 I finde that the Lord hath wrought in my heart a great de∣sire of affections to duties, and am much troubled for my dead∣nesse and dulnesse, which I finde to be a great burden to me.

5 I desire that the Lord would search, and reforme, and purge,

the bottome of my heart, and am glad when I find any truth of God piercing to my soule; I have found my heart too often deceitfull, and doe therefore desire, that every truth of God may discover it, and conforme me to his will.

6 I do beleeve that Christ dy∣ed for my sins, and do trust that hee will be my Saviour for ever.

7 I admire free grace, that God should snatch mee as a brand out of the fire of hel.

8 It is my soules desire to walk with those, who walk most close to the rule of the Gospel, least I should be drawne into er∣rours.

A: H:

March 28. 1652.