News from the Lowe-Countreys: or Podex his encomium. Held out for publick information. By Mercurius Lepidus.

PODEX HIS ENCOMIUM.

OF Microcosme his chiefest Base Don Podex hight, and of his Race, His Honour, Qualities, and Parts, And of his many Slights and Arts, I mean to sing. Great A-jax, Thou That know'st his Matter, Mould, and how His Humour flows, inspire my Quill, That, to this Age, it may distill, Of its long clowded Excellence, A Lick, to season ev'ry sence.

When, first, the first confused Masse Did, from its mish-mash medly, passe To those foure segregated forms, Whose re-commixture now informs And, Being, gives to whatsoere Subsists in this Terrestriall Sphear. And that the Arch-Thees's stollen Fire Did, first, the Thing, call'd Man, inspire,

Podex then breath'd. His shape most rare, For tis not ovall, long, or square, Trigonall, or Pentagonall, Or any of the Gones at all, But pure Orbicular: And so As an Ecliptick Line doth go, To the Autartick Pole, and frames Two semi Rotunds; But Oakes names Them Ho-rise-on-tailes. Wondrous fair Is his Complexion, for the Air Doth seldome nip it, or the Sun Give it a kisse, to make it dun. His Dresse is of as many kindes, As there are Nations, Modes, and Mindes, Sometimes, forsooth, the Spanish Hose Doth trick him up, and there He goes; The French Trunck sometimes doth him house The Dutch Slopp, and the Irish Trouse, (That best his just proportion showes) The Scottish Brackin, (O my Toes!) The German, Dane, the Swisser-cut, And thousands more, together put, In rank and file, of no mean worth, Do all contend to set him forth. But above all, (and somewhat more) The Shees, from ten, to twice two score, And upwards yet, most cast about How they may make him fllaunt it out:

And take it in a high disdain, He should walk forth without a Train; Which close still at his heels must wait, For his more Glory, Pomp, and State.

Now though indeed, he hath resort In ev'ry Place, (for Camp, and Court, The Countrey, City knows him well) Yet he is chiefly pleas'd to dwell In the Low-Countries, mong the Crew of Fat-chops, of the purest hue.

This Podex is in fame, so great All Callings grace him with a Seat, What Syn'drim, Synod, Senat, State Without him ere in Councell sate? What Courts of Conscience, Criminall, Pleas Common, Chequer, Admirall Do sentence give on That, or This, But Podex an Assessor is? What Conclave can, or Caball be, What Conventicle, Committee Doth hold, or meet, but Podex, there, Before all others, takes the Chaire? What publick show, what Masque, or Play, Ball, Banquet, Feast, Wake, Games of May; Are solemnis'd, for sport, or grace, But Podex still is first in place?

Yet though we thus, of Podex speak, Mistake him not, or think him weak

In Spirit, as if only made For Pastimes; or that duller trade Cal'd Contemplation, that presents Language for Launces; Tubs for Tents. No, No; The highest Feats of Armes, The hottest Conflicts, and Alarmes Of thundring Mars, Bellona fierce Are not without him. To rehearse His active Fortitude, would spend Quills to the stumps, and yet not end. What private challenge, Duell, Fray, Doth passe without him? What Array Of Warre; what March by Day or Night, What Skermish, Battell, Onflat, Fight By Sea, or Land; What Citty storm'd; What Fort befieged; What Deed perform'd Of noted Fame, in Trenches, Grafts, At Breaches, Turnepicks, Bridges, Rafts, Mines, Sconces, Passes, any where, But gallant Podex still is there? What Plot, Design of any size, What Stratagem, or Enterprise, Whether in Parties, or alone, But daring Podex still is one? What need more on this Point to tarry? Podez is an Ubiquitarry.

Yet further to enlarge his Praise (Which well deserves, and wears the Bayse)

Know, Podex is of such high sway That Kings, when he Commands, obey: Princes, Lords, Ladies must do so, And, where he bids, not send, but go Themselves in Person, and no boot For them to scorn to trudge a foot. Coach, Horse, Sedan, and of that kind, All other Knacks must stay behind. Podex is mighty, stout, and strong To baffle All, would do him wrong. Podex is in so high request, That each one strives to please him best. Is Podex out of tune, pray tell, Who spares for Cost, to make him Well? Is Podex foul, what Dame so nice, Will scorn to wipe him once, or twice? Whom Podex once but takes to favour Podex, in losse, makes him a Savour. Podex, with ev'ry Sex, and Sort Of People, hath a lowd Report. Podex is of an humble Mind, Steps not before, but comes behind, Podex yet standeth bare to None But to strong-sented Ajax's throne.

Should I of all his Places speak, Pen, Inck, and Paper were to weak. What House of Office in the Land, But Podex, therein, hath Command?

Podex, a Statist, much of Note, Doth in all Privy-Councells Vote. Podez a Judg is, that decrees, Without respects, or bribes, or fees, A Habeas Corpus, on a pain None ere incur'd without a Stain. Podex is Doctor of the Chair, And where he speaks hold your Tongue there. Podex a Lawyer is, your Case Can clear at any Time and Place. And when occasion rightly needs In Fee-tail best can draw your Deeds. Podex's-a Herald, Aeolus, By him, Proclaims his Hests to us, From his Culabrian snowy Cliff, A Zone more hot then Teneriff. Podex is a Phisitian, much Cures Collicks, Belly-Ach, and such. Podex a Souldier is, doth keep His Watch and Rounds whilst you do sleep. Podex's a Sergeant, whose Arrest Admits no Bayle, To go is best.

But by the way, ere I proced With Podex further, let his Seed, His Brood, his Off-spring, Issue, be Made known to You. Yet (let me see) It is so numerous, so great, So strange, so divers to repeat,

That should I go this task about I ne'r should find a clean way out. Take Notice only, for his grace, That that which takes the chiefest place, As most in power, strength, and Sense, A Knight is, cal'd, Sir Reverence.

Come to his Parts. Can any dance The Spanish Pavin, tricks of France, The Scottish Jigg, the Irish Trot, And thousands more: And Podex not? Can any fence, or vault, or ride, But Podex, there, is in his Pride? Podex a Linguist is, affects To speak in sundry Dialects. Podex is vers'd, in Grammar, Well, His ev'ry Part of Speech can tell: Knows all his Rules, among the rest, Ease in praesenti, likes him best. And Priscian (be it no disgrace) Dares hardly lok him in the face. Podex in Ret'rick hath a Vein Oft utt'ring in a fluent strain. His Elocutions Excellence The object is of ev'ry Sense. You may there, taste, touch, smell, see, hear: The Scholemen but affect the Ear. Podex, in Logick, is profound, His Syllogismes are strong, and sound.

Festino a main Figure is He loves, and sometimes* 1.1 Does-amisse. His force doth in Bocardo lye; And bears all out with,* 1.2 That—is—I. Musick doth Podex so delight, He sings by Day, he sings by Night; He sings with All, in ev'ry Place, All kind of Parts; His chief is Base. Knows Thirds, Fifths, Eights, Rests, Mood and Time: His Gam-ut can descend and climb. If to Arithmetick you come, Podex can cast, can clear a summe. Adde, Multiply, Substract, Divide; Work still to the Sinister side. The Rules of Fellowship, of Three, And more to him familiar be. Podex is for Geometry, Showes Area, shows Periphery. Shows Circle, Center, Parallels; Showes the Diameter, (that tells How to split justly Rounds in Two:) And showes you more the I will do. Talk of Astronomie, and there Podex excells; Displayes the Sphere, Its Motions, Constellations, Range, Eclipses, Changes: Shows (O strange!) The Smooth-fac'd Twins, the milky way, The Pole, the Line, and such as they.

hall not then Podex for his parts Be stiled Master in the Arts? Nay rather make their number even, By adding Podex to the Seven. Podex is Liberall, and may Better be called, Arse, then They.

Something of Podex yet I find, Of no small Moment, left behind, His Slights and Arts. But who should tell, All, would a Volumne vastly Swell. True Symmetrie, 'tis truly Sed, Will, by the Foot, describe the Head. It shall suffice, that, by a Spole, A Sense acute may sent the Hole. Podex an Archer is, of Those That aim at Heel, and hit the Nose. Podox is a Perfumer, vents Strong, and of sundry sorts of Sents. Podex a Painter is, can lay Colours, as well By Night as Day. Podex is a rare Pilot, knows Whence the Wind comes, and where it blows. Is for all weathers, sometimes sayles With gentle, sometimes blust'ring Gales. His steddy Course doth seldome stoop, For he hath still the Wind in Poop. Podex's a Husbandman, can soyl His Ground with ease when others toyl.

Podex a Tucker is, and knows A speedy way to thicken Cloathes. Podex's a Chandler, and you may Fetch much-Turd there, fresh ev'ry Day. Podex a Trumpeter is too, And blows as strong as you can do. Podex is, — Nay I fain would know, What Podex is not? Which to show But in the Negative, would more Puzle the Brain, then what, before, Of him is said. In this, conclude, That High, and Low, the fil'd, the rude, The rich, the poor, the foul, the faire, The-All the World, his Vassals are. Who dares withstand his force and might If once he sayes, You must go—Walk? Podex then only doth surmount, Podex is sole Lord Paramount. Podex still mones within his Sphere; Podex is Podex ev'ry where.

Podex shall breathe in spite of Fate, While Tails do croake, and Tongues do prate.

FINIS.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Disamis
• * 1.2

  Datist.