The evill spirit conjur'd, and cast out of the Parliament

Animadversions ON THE PETITION.

THere is nothing more specious than the name of Reformation, and nothing less, than the thing it self (I mean that which the vul∣gar magnifie, and cry up so much) the disease of mens minds, rather than of the Times, untill their Imagination fools them into a real malady, and never lets them recover

afterwards; the Itch of Good Times, and the Ulcer of Ill; most pernicious to Kingdoms and Commonwealths, as al∣wayes Enemy to present Go∣vernment: Every one who would trouble the State, taking it for their pretext, till getting into highest place, and looking on things at neerer distance, they see the Impossibility of Re∣forming them; when casting a∣way all care and hope of it, the next take up that pretext which they have quitted, and with as great privat heat, and as little for the publique good, never leave putting for it, till they have obtain'd the others place; whence it consequently follows, that but open this Gate once of Reformation (which their sho∣ving and justling never suffers to close again) and you Introduce by it, nothing but disorder and

confusion. I grant you yet, it hath done great things in the World, but undone greater; and some good, but far more harm and mischief; these bu∣sie Reformers seeing somewhat or other which they would a∣mend, but not a hundred others which they marr in mending it; whence the Wise, when they see things amisse, measure their En∣terprises by the possibility, and utility of amending them, which when they find wanting, they pity the Condition of poor Humanity, that hath nothing so absolutely good, as to be whol∣ly exempt from fault and blame, rather than vex and torment her for it, by tampering so long to mend it, till they marr it quite. Of which over-busie so long to mend it, till they marr it quite. Of which over-busie folly the English Nation in particular are Tax'd; it having past almost into Proverb, That your Eng∣lish-man

never knows when things are well.

And such Reformers as these they were, who lately represen∣ted this Petition unto the Hono∣rable House of Parliament, under the name of the County of Sa∣lop, though their restriction to several of the Godly party there, sufficiently acquits the County, and declares them to he such as one pleasantly describes,

A sort of hot-headed, half-witted Fellows, who in the vehemency of their zeal have more harm'd and mis∣chiev'd Christian Religion, than Turk, Jew, or Infidel ever did, and have more texts of Scripture for it too, than the other out of the Talmude, or Alcoran; who have found out a new way under the name of the Lord, to abolish the memory of Jesus Christ, and of that of God∣linesse, all Christianity; being the worst sort of Affectation, affecting

nothing but what is contrary and a∣verse to all good manners, and edu∣cation. Who are more familiar with the Lord, than to stand upon Cere∣monies with him, and approach him with far lesse Reverence than a Serving-man does his Master, or a Clown his Landlord: so hating the name of Gentleman, as they cann't indure God should be serv'd like one, and so abhorring the name of Church as they wage war with the very stones of it (like cowardly Currs, who bite the stones, when they cannot harm the persons) confoun∣ding by it all things, sacred, and profane: Mean time, any place serves them to Preach in, as any place, indeed, is good enough for their Preaching, who teach nothing bu Sedition, and Infatuation: so as whilst others people Heaven with their Preaching, these people Bed-I am. Mean while they wave the Evangelists, and flie to the explica∣tion

of the Prophets, the better to hide their Ignorance, (since ther all are almost Ignorant alike) like him, who when he could not run, challen∣ged an excellent Footman to flie with him. Men indulgent only to their own Vices, but most rigid to those of other men; who call themselves pure, like him, who being all over defiled, bragg'd, He had never a spot on him; and thanking God, with the Pharisee, for not being like other men: it being the truest word they ever said in their lives; for they are worse than they.

And now let us see whether this Character fits not our Peti∣tioners, as well as if it had been made for them, by conferring their Petitions with these Ani∣madversions of ours.

And first, to say nothing of their Preface, nor their Goodly stile, all stuff'd and interlarded with Scripture phrase, so sense∣lesly

alleg'd, as I will not say their reading of the Scripture seems to make them mad, but certainly this I dare affirm, that those who read it lesse, write far better, and more sense than they, and would never have said the paths to dwell in, (as they do) but rather the paths to walk in, ac∣cording to the more proper me∣taphore; so abusing every where the Scripture stile, as Pistols phrase in the play, He hears with ears, would no more seem to Sir Hugh superfluous, and absurd: But they are those dear Saints of Jesus Christ (as they speak of) and therefore have the liberty of profaning the Scrip∣ture on every occasion; but for their sanctity, believe it who lists for me, for my part, I believe none to be lesse Saints, than those who call themselves so the most; and give me the

dead, and take the living he that will: so it shall alwayes be in my Letanie, to deliver me from the Devil in an Angels shape, and I'll deliver my self from the Devil in his own shape well e∣nough.

But let us come to their Peti∣tions, and in the first four we shall observe a vehement desire they have, That none but they should be admitted to the charge of the Ministry, of the Command of the Army, of the Government of the Common∣wealth, and finally, to the distri∣bution of all other Preferments and Rewards; they seeming much troubled that they are not conferr'd upon them: and troubled still may they be, ra∣ther than we should ever be troubled with them. By which, we may perceive them to be some discarded party, casheer'd

from the Army for their cowar∣dice, and want of discipline; some rejected, and excluded from the Government of the Commonwealth, for their want of Talent, and non-sufficiency; and finally, some refuse stuff, and out-casts of the Ministry, for their turbulency, and non-con∣formity; people of no parts, nor merit at all; else 'twere to tax the State, and the wisdom, and prudent Conduct of the General and Officers, for not admitting them to Charge and Imploy∣ment. Such rash and stupid fel∣lows, and such Poltrons and Cow∣ards withall, as, should I give the right child to the right mother, which they urge more than once, I could shew how they never yet had the management of affairs, but that they brought them to ruine & destruction; nor ever fought, but either they

were beaten, or ran-away; which being so, far be it from the Commonwealth to have such to reform and govern it, who are hardly fit to govern a Cob∣blers, or a Botchers shop; and far be the Omen from our ever∣victorious and conquering Army, to have such as these mens For∣tunes joyn'd with theirs, or to be mix'd with those, who de∣serve not to be named the same day a brave spirit, and valiant man is mentioned: No, live the Commonwealth, and flourish the Army still, and it shall never shame nor repent us of our change of Government, so long as such as these come not to go∣vern it, Men of so narrow, & so Ignoble minds, as nothing great and generous ever entred into their brests; for so 'twould be a degree below servitude, nothing making servitude more intole∣rable,

than the Ignobility of the Master; and those who can suffer such as these to command over them, deserve worse. And for the Government of the Church, we had done nothing, (or rather too much) to have shaken off the yoak of Rome, and Lambeth, to submit our necks at last to the Kirk Government of a sort of Banbury-men, of John of Leydens and Knipperdollings, who would govern us just as they did the Town of Munster, till with their fine spirit, and Revelations, they had brought all to confu∣sion and destruction, as they did there, and tyrannize over us a hundred times worse than the others did: who, since they urge their merit, (lest we should seem to grant them nothing) let us accord them this, that they were the first Authors of the change of Government, tis true,

but not of this, nor that, they being ever Enemies of the pre∣sent Government, and as they were formerly of the Kingdom, so will they be now of the Com∣monwealth, unlesse they may have the Government of it themselves, as they sufficiently declare by that exception, and clause of theirs, (in the end of their se∣cond petition) That whilst they are for God, (that is, for them, ac∣cording to their own Interpre∣tation) they will live and dye with them, (and not otherwise;) a re∣restriction, which had it issued from the pen of any Papist, or Protestant, they had been pre∣sently exclaim'd against, for Malignants, Seditious, and Trai∣tors to the Commonwealth: but these men are the dear Saints of Christ, and may say and do any thing.

To conclude then with them,

before we pass to their other Petitions, we may answer them in urging of their merits, as Philip of Macedon did a certain treache∣rous Commander of a place, re∣proaching his beholdingness un∣to him for delivering of it up, That if he had not betray'd it, he had not so soon been master of it; 'tis true, but that made him rather fear, than reward him for his Treachery.

To proceed then, after, in the end of their 4th Petition, they insinuate their desire. That none should be advanc'd to any place of Trust, either in the Army, or Com∣monwealth, but such as should be re∣commended by the Certificat of some five or six of them, that so things (as they say) may be carryed on more by the publique spirit of the Saints, than the privat spirit of any whatsoever; (bold words, and glancing at those in Authority, and in dero∣gation

of all besides but them∣selves.)

This publick spirit w^ch they like so much in their Saints, they ap∣prove not so much in their wo∣men (as it seems) when in their 7th they urge the Amendment of the Act of Adultery; & where∣as the former had gone as far as they could in Law before, to hang them up, on the Testimo∣ny of two Witnesses, these would go farther yet, and hang them up, without any Witnesse at all; and then what a shower of Halters should we have raining down upon our heads, when our very Sexes should be our crimes, which, but with our beings, we could not depart withall?

And whither with this severity of theirs, would they drive this Vice at last, but more and more inwards still? as Diogenes wittily said of that Young man, who is∣suing

from one of those lewd places, and seeing him, ran in a∣gain, not to be seen by him, which he perceiving, call'd after him, and said, That the more he sought to hide his lewd∣nesse, he but entred the further into it, and ingulphed & plung'd self into it the more. So we may say, these would inforce men to do, by the severity of the Laws they would enact, &c. For (I speak it not to patronage Vice, but to plead the cause of Virtue,) they have look'd as narrowly to this Vice already, as modestly they can, and to look nearer to these secret sins, would but make them indeavor still to sin more secretly, Re∣straint but more irritating Vice, as we see in those Countries where they trust more to re∣straint and cautel, than to peo∣ples honesties; it being more the

conscience than cautiousness, can keep them honest; and to take off the bridle from mens consci∣ences, and afterwards expect to constrain them to be virtuous, is just like him, who should take the bridle off his Horse, and af∣terwards by switching expect to manage him as he pleased.

Besides, the setting so high a rate on the forfeiture, but in∣dears and renders Vice more precious; and just as we see in Gaming, makes foul play law∣full, by setting a Tax and penal∣ty on their not playing fair; they seeming by that manner of pro∣ceeding, not so much to punish the Act, as the being taken in it; whence consequently, men study more to avoid the being taken in it, than the Act it self.

In the fifth, these lovers of Justice and Righteousnesse pro∣pose, to have all the burthen of

Taxes and Contribution lay∣ed on the Cavaliers, against the Publique Faith given them in their several Articles and A∣gteements, which Faith these seem to care as little for, as they do for Good works; whence we see, that had these men the ma∣nagement of Affaires, they would soon throw their Justice and Temperance after their Pru∣dence and Fortitude, hating all Cardinal virtues, ever since they understood they belonged unto the Pope; never considering how dearly already they have payed for their new-styl'd offence, by the Sequestration of their whole Estates, or being Mulcted in the greatest part of them, of which they are not in present possessi∣on, but by dearly buying them again; yet would these most e∣qual Justicers have them more taxt than others who enjoy their Estates intire.

And mark what a wise Rea∣son they give you for it; For so (say they) It will make them the more willing to sit stil'; to rise ra∣ther they should say, as most commonly does any man of spi∣rit, when he finds himself too much oppress'd; none besides being willing to do that, which he is forc'd unto. These men who counsel and perswade this, (like those, who after a body has been once sick, will never suffer it to recover health again) never considering, That a Com∣monwealth founded on the injury and oppressions of others, is only built for ruine and destruction; That sternness, cruelty, and severi∣ty, is for Slaves, but for Free-born men, gentlenes & debonairity; That there the Government is ever most assured, where men govern so, as it may be expedient for all Good men the present State

should continue, and those who govern otherwise, may be safe, but never secure; and, That fi∣nally nothing better declares the wholesom constitution of a Commonwealth, than a cheer∣ful and smiling countenance, with no discontent sadding its brow: a sad and groaning State being never long-lived, since as the Poet sayes, Non vivers, sed bene valere vita est, that that which we call Life, consists not so much in living, as in living well.

For which consideration, those who formerly had the ordering of the Commonwealth, after they had sufficiently Mulcted the Cavaliers for that, which on∣ly the fottune of the side seems to have made a crime, and an offence, wisely admitted them by divers Treaties to Composition, and lastly, by the Act of Oblivion,

to the common Freedom and Liberty with the rest, which now to infringe, were no lesse dishonourable than dangerous.

But in the 8th, their main Combat is against the Papist, who is alwayes the Giant these doughty Sir Lancelots and Don Quixots must overcome, and like old Calianax (in the Play) beat over and over, when any else hath offended them, whom they dare not meddle with. The poor Papist by perpetual ill usage having been so cow'd and cowarded, as he lies quaking and trembling, and dares do no∣thing, but pray that no body may molest him, he accounting it obligation to those who but strike him only, when they have power to kill. He is the Dogg that's always beaten in the Li∣ons presence: and be the fault whose it will, he is sure to un∣dergo

the blame and punish∣ment; so, as if Persecution be no the nighest way to Heaven, certainly he goes the farthest way about; Their Adversaries (such as these Petitioners) al∣ways crying out against them, like cunning Thieves, who joyn with the Hub-bub, and follow True men with Hue and Cry, the better to escape themselves. And truly I do not know why all your new sale-made Religions (though differing among them∣selves) should joyn so unani∣mously, and with so great Ani∣mosity, against the Papist, unlesse perhaps, for fear they should marr their Market; just like that bungling Painter, who ha∣ving painted a Cock most mon∣strously ill, set his Boy to keep away all Cocks from about his shop, for fear, lest in compari∣son with them, the deformity

of his work should more mani∣festly appear; they advantaging the Papist the whilst by making people imagine, that there is somwhat extraordinary in their Religion, rendring it incompati∣ble with all other Sects; and make this dilemma, that either all Religions professing Christ are true, or but only one; if all, why not the Papist amongst the rest? if but one, why are not the rest as much persecuted as he? And here I cann't omit a plesant say∣ing of K. James, That the Papist was his honest Ass, on whom he might impose what burthen and load he pleased, and hee'd grunt and grunt, but patiently bear it still; wheras the Puritan was like a skittish Jade, which kicks and winces at the least load laid on him, crying out before he was hurt, to keep off danger still far enough from him, which skit∣tishnesse

of his hath render'd him so resty and pampered, as none dare hazard the breaking and backing him, but only the Army, (to whom nothing is dif∣ficult, and impossible) the enter∣prizing of taming which wild and head-strong Bucephalus, to their perpetual fame and felicity, like another Alexander, seeming only to be reserv'd to them. Mean while, whosoever out of these unworthy timid respects, does tolerate them, shall find, as your Kings have done, by dear Experiment at last, that they are in Kingdoms and Commonwealths, just like your Hedge-hoggs brood, which when the Damn finds prickly in her womb, she shrinks up, and dares not inforce her self to be delivered of it, till defer∣ring it from day to day, they be∣com so grievous and intolerable at last, as they cannot be delive∣red

of them, but with their lives and all. And here comes well to purpose (to the Army and the Commonwealth, into whose num∣ber these would so fain insinuat themselves) the Fable of the Hare and Hedge-hogg, who in a cold winters night came to the form or muset of the Hare, desi∣ring to shelter there against the rigor of the season, to whom the Hare at first answered wisely, that her form was but strait and narrow, and he so prickly, as without her much Incommodi∣ty she could not admit, nor har∣bour him; when he craftily re∣plyed, That for his prickles, as he could bristle them up against an Enemy, so for a Friend he could couch them so close unto his back, as they should feel them no more, than as if they were down or feathers; which the Hare simply believing, admitted him

into her form, where he was no sooner come, but he began to bristle, & so gor'd the poor Hare, as she cried out for pain, when the Hedge-hogg gave it only this comfort and answer, for all its hospitality, That those who found themselves agrieved, might quit the place; and here I leave to each one the Application, to come to the examining what grievous crime they charge the Papist with, as 'tis most commonly no less than the Invasion of the Land, or the blowing up the Thames, &c. to the destruction both of fish and flesh.

For that Papists, &c. (say they) take liberty of contemning the Sab∣bath, and publique Ordinances, and spend the day vainly and idlely in their houses, or else walking in the fields, we propose That some special course may be taken of restraint, &c. And what unreasonable people

are these, that will not permit them to go to Church, nor tarry at home, to remain in their hou∣ses, nor to walk abroad in the fields? what they would have of them else, I do not know, un∣less they would inforce them to work on the Sabbath day; & more unreasonable would they be yet, to seek to enforce them to go to other Churches besides their own. If they think they be so idle at home, why do they search their houses so oft to find them at Mass? and what restraint they intend, I do not see, unlesse they mean to pound them, when they catch them in the fields. In fine, their condition is lamenta∣ble the whilst they will not per∣mit them the liberty of their own houses, nor so much as the benefit of common air: But of this enough.

The next whom they fall foul

upon (in the 6th) are your Wakes and Moris-dances, meaning quite to overthrow the Hobby-horse, horse and man, holding him lit∣le better than the beast, and maid Marian the whore of Babylon. Mean time, what harm the poor Moris-dancers do unto them, I do not see, but only that the melan∣choly Devil which possesses them is enemy of all mirth and harm∣lesse Recreation, which makes the poor souls in sighing, wish for the merry devil of Edmonton a∣gain, and the days of Puck, and Robin-goodfellow, as I doubt not but their wisdoms who govern the Commonwealth wil shortly grant them u'm, & restore them their former sports again, which as they during the Time of our late Calamities did prudently debar them of, (when, indeed, all mirth had been unseasona∣ble) so that time once over, they

will suffer them, no doubt, to re∣turn unto them again, and con∣sider that as the Poet said, Pane & Circense, give them but sports and bread enough, and you may rule them at pleasure: whereas, take from them but those out∣ward amusements of their minds, and you but convert their thoughts inwards, to meditate on nothing but their grievances, and discontent; for which Rea∣son, perhaps these men would prohibit, and abridge them of them, that so they might only study mischief, like themselves. Mean time, such as these would make rare Governors of the Com∣monwealth, who, whilst they should be making Acts, for the o∣vercoming of our Enemies a∣broad, and rendring us formida∣ble to all the world, would be making Acts against Moris-dan∣cers, and Hobby-horses, to render

us ridiculous unto every one.

And thus much may suffice to shew the malice and foppery of their Petition, which I know wil fret and vex them to the very hearts (& much good do't their good hearts with it) to see the secrets of their Cabal discovered, and their designs laid open, so pernicious to the present Go∣vernment of the Commonwealth; It being the Religion of the com∣mon fry, and such brown-bread spirits of the same batch with them, they making the Rabble their only Rabbins, and inviting them to liberty, which in effect is nothing else, but licentiousnes, and Shrovetide-Ryot, such having no∣thing to lose, being sure to gain by each change and mutation: The more deserving the Magi∣strates care and coertion, the more numerous, and indigent they ar. Mean time, 't shall never repent

me to be an Enemy of those are Enemies to my Country and Re∣ligion, and I'm sure the Army & Republique will thank me for't, these men being the greatest Enemies they have, as their many vain Attempts to change the Government of the one, and fight against the other, suffici∣ently declare. To conclude, all men are to admire the rare tem∣per and wisdom of the State to admit of all Petitions, and yet be moved with none but such as may be salutarie for the Com∣monwealth, and rejoice in the Liberty the people of England enjoy, the while they can deliver such Petitions as these, without being sent to Bedlam for their pains.