MEDITAT. I. Ʋpon my awaking in a dark Night.
LOrd where am I? and in what world? how are all things a∣bout me (as they were in that no world, in that confused Mass and Chaos) swadled up in bands of thick darkness? It is not without reason, that the most horrid things, that we can imagine (misery, death, hell it self) are represented by this black Solitude; there being nothing of more contrariety to our nature, than the privation of light. If it be so uncomfortable to be in the dark, and to have no light, how dis∣mal Page 2 must it be in a spiritual sense to be in the dark, and to have no trust? that is a darkness to be felt indeed!
If this night were to continue but three dayes, (like that in Egypt) I should think it a plague; how much more, if it were to be everlasting, would it be a hell to me, though there were no other torment to accompany it? How uncon∣ceivably miserable is the estate of those damned Souls, that lie manacled and fettered in chains of eternal darkness, and are not onely banished from the light of the Sun, but (which is the black∣ness of darkness) shut out from the light of Gods countenance, and adjudged to eternal pains? But what an Idol am I in this condition? I have eyes and see not; all natural helps and parts are vain and useless, except the God of nature, vouchsafe to actuate them, and to make them instrumental. O my Soul, be not disquieted with this; what though I cannot see for the present? God hath made comforts, as he hath made lights for the night as well Page 3 as for the day. There are songs in the night, and my mouth may be open to shew forth the high praises of God, even when I am upon my Bed, and mine eyes sealed up in darkness. The sight of the eyes is not alwayes pleasing! how many times have mine eyes wounded my heart, when they have seen what they would not have seen? nay (which is worse) how many times have they corrupted my heart, when they have seen what they should not have seen? at the best, various objects are but a distracti∣on to the mind, and by raising vain de∣sires, bring it to a needless indigency, in∣ducing a want of many things, which we want not. There is a kind of inno∣cency in seeing nothing!
It is a comfort, and an inestimable one, that in the want of the use of my bodily eyes, I have the benefit of a spiri∣tual eyesight; so that although I cannot see, as Cats and Bats, and Owls do, yet I can see as Saints, and Angels see, no in∣terpositions can hinder an intellectual prospect. Be it never so dark, I can Page 4 (without the help of a Candle) look into my self, and in the sense of my wants, looks up, to God, and find a clear lightsome passage through Jesus Christ to the throne of his grace. But what do I say? I can? O my God, pardon the presumption of that language! of my self, as of my self, I can do nothing but sin! I am darkness (there is a mid∣night within me) and I can only see, that I cannot see! It were not only a blindness in me, but a remaining sin to boot, if I should say, I see. Who so blind, as they that are perfect? It is in thy light alone, that I see light! Thy gracious illu∣minating eye, is mine eye sight!
Lord let me ever enjoy the continu∣ance of that aspect, and then in the darkest condition (though it were the shadow of death) I shall not be afraid of any terrours; even the night shall be light about me; or if it be not, it shall be light with me. Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy will come in the Morn∣ing; and in a morning that shall never see night! In the mean time, O my Page 5 God, though I can see nothing here but darkness and obscurity, it is my safety, that thou seest me; it is my happiness that I can see thee! what can I wish for more in this world, then to be safe, and happy? return again unto thy rest, O my Soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee!
