Motives to holy living, or, Heads for meditation divided into consideratins, counsels, duties : together with some forms of devotion in litanies, collects, doxologies, &c.

§. 24

10. Of Dis∣course and Compliance.

1. In Conversation, avoiding all appearance of levity, laughter, and secular Mirth, which contristates the Holy Spirit, and obstructs its Motions, excludes sober thoughts, suits ill with God's presence, and a constant habit of Prayer; which is built upon a false, and fleeting foundation, and savours of too much sensuality, and gives to our treacher∣ous nature a hurtful liberty that tends to several Exorbi∣tances, whereas in this world she should rather be always to some degree curbed and mortified: Remembring the wise-man's censure of it Eccl 2.2. I proved my heart with Mirth (saith he): And I said of Laughter it is mad, and of Mirth what doth it? And, our Lord's woe Luk. 6.25. See Eccl. 2.7. &c. to the 8. —Ecclesiasticus 21.20. But always retaining your self within a certain degree of Gravity, which is ready to nourish any good motions of the Spirit, or dictates of Reason (that are choaked by Mirth:) and carries with it some mortification of your sensitive faculties [Cor sapientium ubi tristitia est Eccl. 7.5.] and, if it were for nothing else, which is eligible for the sobering of your company by your good example; per tristitiam vultus corrigitur animus delinquentis Ib. v. 4. See 1. Tim. 3, 4.8.11. Tit. 2.2, 7. To this end not using too much fa∣miliarity and intimacy with any. Charitas habenda est

erga omnes, familiaritas non expedit; least, by such amity, you be tempted to some excess.

2. On the other side, avoiding melancholy, and sadness always; to be, or to appear so; and being rather chearful, and endeavouring always a spiritual mirth ex. munditia cordis, in whatsoever external condition, Fructus Spiri∣tus gaudium Gal. 5.21. Rejoice always, and I say again, rejoice; but remember what follows [in the Lord] with a spiritual, not secular joy [Phil. 4.4. —1. Thess. 5.16. And the Apostle's always in all things give thanks Eph. 5.20. —1. Thess. 5.18. im∣plies the same; who gives thanks is well pleased: and why ought they not to be always giving thanks, quibus omnia vertuntur in bonum Rom. 8.18.? Omnis anxietas ex maligno.

3. Avoiding in your discourse 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, and 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, scurrility, foolish talk, and jesting, buffonery, and superfluous facetiousness quae ad rem non pertinent (saith the Apostle Eph. 5.4.) and the speaking things any way apt to invite laughter, and affectation of wit, which is seldome innocent and free from Sin, because it borrows its matter chiefly from the faults, or (which is worse) the infirmities of o∣ther men, the abuse of persons, or things sacred, and is am∣bitious of pleasing men, though this purchased with the offending of God, and also of men. Not studying in such wicked, or at least vain, and idle, talk, how to be more ex∣pensive of that, of which must be rendred so strict an ac∣count. In your Conversation, though with intimate friends, using an holy reservedness, and not turning your inside outward, and taking liberty to speak all that comes into your thoughts. For, most Christians having many imperfections, the most of their thoughts must be weak, and unrefined; and even those persons, more perfect, do, in the first surreptitious cogitations of any thing, usually ap∣prehend it according to Nature, not Grace or the Spirit, unless some pre-consideration be used. Those must not be too open-hearted, who have little good there. And,

though dissembling and speaking contrary to what we think is never lawful, yet the not concealing much of that which we think, and not keeping our own secrets much more warily, than other mens, is a sign of little prudence; and, since all mens judgments in many things disagree, the not hiding, but disclosing, things that are offensive, much weakneth friendship.

4. Not talking much (especially in much company, to which when numerous is due more reverence, and mo∣desty, Ecclesiastieus 7.14. —32); but as one that hath re∣solved silence, and breaks it only upon necessity; For, In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin, Prov. 10.19. And again; He that useth many words shall be abhorred; and he that taketh to himself authority therein shall be hated. Ecclesiasticus 20.8. And, He that hath knowledge, spareth his words &c. Prov 17.27. Not engaging in every dis∣course, and speaking to every matter: Nor speaking at all times what you know, but what is necessary: loving herein the praise of God rather than of men: and God will reward you for it: A prudent man concealeth knowledge; but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness Prov. 12.23. And, A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in. Prov. 29.11. And, Keepeth silence knowing his time; and till he seeth opportunity. Ecclesiasticus, 20.6, 7. And, The mouth of a wise man is in his heart, but a fool's heart in his mouth. Ecclesiasticus 21.16. And, A fool travelleth with a word as a woman in labour of a child; and as an arrow sticketh in a man's thigh, so is a word within his belly.

5. Not speaking hastily without pre-consideration, and lifting up your soul first to God, that you may speak nothing that may displease him; and, in matters of moment, first in your thoughts asking Council of him, when you cannot delay an answer so long as to ask it in your Prayers; fol∣lowing herein the pious Example of Nehemiah, 2. c. 4, 5. Knowing, that words are many times things of the greatest

consequence, and no external sins occur so often as those of the tongue; knowing that there are two fountains with∣in us of our thoughts, and speeches, Nature and Grace or the Spirit; and their Dictates contrary: and nature com∣monly preventing the other in her Suggestions, and our second, our better, thoughts: Weigh thy words in a ballance, and make a door and a bar for thy mouth. Prepare what to say, and then shalt thou be heard; bind up instruction, and then make answer. Ecclesiasticus, 28.25. —33.4. And, The words of such as have understanding are weighed in a ballance. Ecclesiasticus, 21.25. And, The heart of the Righteous studieth to answer (saith the wise man) Prov. 15.28. And lastly, Seest thou a man (saith he) that is hasty in his words, there is more hopes of a fool than of him, Prov. 29.20.

6. Not speaking verbously; but, as much as you can, contracting your sense. If silence ordinarily makes none, less talk makes fewer, oversights. Let thy speech be short comprehending much in few words, and be as one that knoweth, and yet holdeth his peace, Ecclesiasticus, 32.8. And, A fool is known by multitude of words. Ecclesiasticus, 5.3.

7. Not speaking vehemently, or passionately, but so, as it may be accompanied with, and mastered, or checked, by your judgment; which much passion clouds, and trou∣bles. Not using your self to exaggerate any thing, to hy∣berbolize and exceed the truth (though a common custome): but moderating your expressions, and rather speaking the least. Not delivering things with much asseveration, by this, as it were, to add more weight, and authority to your words; which, if there be any fault in what we say, makes it much greater. All these things savour of pride, self-love, vain glory, men-pleasing; and the contrary, of discretion, moderation, and humility. For this often remembring our Lord's holy Lesson, Matt. 5.37. Let your Communication be yea, yea, nay, nay; and his note upon it, Quod autem his abundantius est, a Malo est. Iterated also by St. James

5. c. 12. v. with this Caveat, least you fall into condemna∣tion [i. e. some guilt, or other, condemnable.]

8. Avoiding much ceremony, and dissimulation, and com∣pliance (the later corruptions of Christian simplicity.) When our words swerve from our hearts, our actions again do so from our words; and so we only fall at last into the more shame and confusion. Avoiding these, I say, so far as this may expose you to any temptation, or peril of offending God, your best, your highest, friend, and always one of your company; not professing your self to be what you are not (which is lying): or, what you ought not to be (which is disloyalty to God to be loyal to your Friend) Nihil defor∣mius, quam Scenam in vitam transferre, especially for a Christian: [Membra Christi, Templa Spiritus Sancti, Filii Dei] Nolite fieri servi hominum 1. Cor. 7.23. If we have so little esteem for the world within, why shew we so much without; or any further, than Christian duty, and charity obligeth us for God's sake? See Jo. 5.41.44. — 12.43. Rom. 12.2. Jud. 1.6. v. Jam. 1.10.—1. Cor. 7.22.—2. Cor. 11.20. —1. Cor. 9.19. St. Paul's becoming omnia omnibus was only omnia licita; and, not this done on any terms, but (first being a perfect Saint, and running no hazard in using these licita) ut plures lucrifaceret: But we, that are unperfect, may not venter so far, when we hazard, instead of gaining others, the losing our selves.

9. 1 In company forbearing the relating, or inquiring after news, stories, other-mens affairs, impertinent, and no way concerning us; (distractions of the mind, and commonly ending in censure, and detraction,) especially concerning great persons, and publick Magistrates of whom we ought to think, and speak with great reverence. Carefully a∣voiding the first engagement in such discourses, easilier wholly abstained from, than discreetly moderated. See 1. Tim. 5.13. —1. Pet. 4.15. Psal. 73.9. Meddle not with many matters; for in medling much thou shalt not be inno∣cent.

Ecclesiasticus, 11.10. And, If thou hast heard a word let it dye with thee; and be bold, it will not burst thee.

9. 2 Forbearing any presaging of future events, and re∣verencing in all things God's Counsels and Providence, which often works contrary to probable conjectures, and like∣liest appearances of things.

10. Not speaking, reprehending, or contradicting, and di∣sputing, in your own, or others, anger; or when you, or they, are any other way distempered. 1. Not in your own anger, because then you are apt to make a false judgment of things, neither will your reprehension, or contradiction be performed with that moderation and discretion it should be: Nor, if it be so, yet doth it appear so to, or hath the same weight with, the reprehended, because they see you angry: but stay a little in silence, and let your passion cool; and by and by things will have another appearance, and faults seem now of a less magnitude than they did before; so that he, who resolves not to find fault in his anger, will much seldomer find fault; and when he doth, will do it more moderately, and his reproof be more justly proportioned to the Sin. 2. Nor replying or reprehending, in anothers anger. For neither then do their errors, faults, or oversights ap∣pear to them so great as they are; and besides your re∣proofs, at such time, receive ill answers from them, and these serve to kindle anger in your self also where there was none before. But when their passion is cooled, they more clearly see the greatness of their fault; and so, more pro∣fitably, and patiently, receive your reproof, and counsel. Much caution therefore hath the wiseman given con∣cerning this passion. The discretion of a man (saith he) deferreth his anger, and it is his glory to pass over a trans∣gression. Psal. 19.11. And, He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his Spirit, than he that takes a City. Prov. 16.32. — 14.29. And on the other side: A fool's wrath is presently known. Ps. 12.16.

11. Not contending, and striving in words with any one, for any thing: but abstaining from second answers and re∣plies (though most reasonable), after that, by some re∣sistance made, the person at that time seems indisposed; and, imagining that we look after victory, hath shut the Gate to Reason. It is not passion, but gentleness, on truth's side, that overcomes passion on the other; and, in such meekness, the victory is only deferred, not lost: And this, to suffer our selves to be overborne when Reason is on our side, rather than contend, especially in truths not so ne∣cessary to be maintained, is an act of great mortification, and humility; and, whilst you yield to another, the get∣ting a great victory over your self; and we shall receive that praise from God which we willingly for peace-sake lose with men. Yielding to all the world, as much as you can, in point of opinion; and doing their will sooner, than your own.

12. Not speaking any thing tending directly or indirectly to your own praise, in earnest, or in jest, for greater matters or for trifles and such things as are by you thought con∣temptible: For many times there lies herein a feather of vain glory, tho not discerned by us; and many times to others it appears, and gives offence. Not doing this, I say, unless when some extraordinary good may come there∣by; and then, delivering the matter spoken with much moderation, apology, and humility; acknowledging the true author of it; and qualifiing it, with relating your faults; always immediately repelling any praise given you by others, God being only to be praised, so long as he is the Author of all Good. So: generally speaking little of your self in any kind; of your business, of your sufferings, &c. savouring of self-love, and tedious to others. But, upon any good occasion given, despising, vilifying, condemning, your self, especially when commended: from which thing you will find much benefit, and, (were it worth any

thing, or might you seek for it), more reputation, and a great deal more esteem with those that hear you.

13. Not vindicating, or justifying your self, when re∣ceiving from your company some slight defamations, and affronts; nor excusing your self when blamed; and that, as you think unjustly: because self-love may blind you not to see a true fault; or if it doth not, yet some other way you deserve more blame than that laid on you; to which, for mortification sake, you may apply it: always remembering the most admirable silence of our Lord, in the questioning of his most innocent life. This practice will incourage your friends the more to mind you of your faults: And God undertakes our Justification, when in∣nocent, much more effectually than we can do it, when we, for humility, peace, and good Example, desist from it.

14. Speaking of particular persons as little as may be; a thing seldome done without some wrong to them: It being more pleasant to speak of other men's faults than virtues; because by the one we seem to our selves ad∣vanced, by the other depressed. Whether it be to friend, or foe, talk not of other men's lives, saith a wise man: But rather when there is occasion to speak of any vice, speak what you have to say of it in general, and without application to persons; or else in the first person, I or We; speaking evil of no man absent, though a truth; though a truth well known: Excusing any as much as you can when evil spoken of, from their ignorance, good intentions, strong temptations, or the like. Always signifying an unwilling∣ness to hear them ill spoken of, which may perhaps dis∣courage, and rectify the Relator (men usually forbearing to speak, what they think doth not please): or, at least, may preserve your own innocence. Making no compari∣sons between persons; for seldome is the one of them prai∣sed, but that the other is depressed. Especially, speak∣ing always reverently of holy things and persons, and gene∣rally

of all persons in authority, being our publick Parents, and Benefactors, for whom we are obliged particularly to pray (1. Tim. 2.2.) and who to us are in the place of God. Taking heed of censuring their actions; which, being publick, are more talked of (and so we here to stand more upon our guard): and the true circumstances of them, by inferiors, many times little understood; and, as being the actions of persons above us, apt to be maligned, and en∣vyed, and mis-related: Remembering the terribledoom of those in 2. Pet. 10.11. and Jude 8, 9. who are not afraid to speak evil of Majesty and Dignities; when as God's Offi∣cers, and Ministers, the Angels themselves, for all their higher place, forbear to do it.

15. As much as you can, abstaining from secular dis∣course; and guiding, or diverting it to, or at least mixing it with, something of Piety, of Spiritual matters (which matters most concern all persons whatever), of God's ho∣nor, and praise, in some, or other, of his Attributes, his wisdome, mercy, justice, providence, omnipotency &c; to seve∣ral of which every action in the world, that we can talk of, hath some near relation: Knowing that the glorify∣ing God on this manner is one of the chiefest ends of God's Creation of us, and Ordination of them. Remembring the Apostle's Exhortation; Let such speech proceed out of your mouth as is good to the edifying of Faith, that it may mini∣ster Grace to the Hearers; and contristate not the Holy Spirit of God [that continually inspires such good mo∣tions into you Eph. 4.29, 30.] by talking secular imper∣tinencies. And again; Let the Word of Christ dwell in you abundantly in all wisdome, teaching, and admonishing one ano∣ther, in psalms, and hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord; and, whatsoever ye do in word, or work, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus: giving thanks to God, and the Father, by him. Col. 3.16, 17. And, Non stultiloquium, aut scurr••litas, quae ad rem non pertinet,

sed magis gratiarum actio. [Domine totus mundus plenus est Te: & nescimus loqui de Te, vel ad Te.]

* 1.116. Lastly in much company, so far as it may consist with your duty and charity, accustoming your self to Silence: not caring to be accounted, therefore, stupid, or ignorant, melancholick, or unsociable: by which Silence we escape many sins of the tongue, and keep more calm our passions, and an entire peace within our selves; as being free from others contradictions: (pax animi, sil••ntium; Tace pau∣lisper, & tumultus animi cito pertranseunt:) whereby we better examine the cogitations, and fancies, that are conti∣nually springing within us before they pass the gate of our lips, and judge many fit to be suppressed, and stifled in the conception; whereby we better hearken to the internal whispers and motions of God's Spirit: and, uningaged, can better discern the value of others discourse: Lastly, hold∣ing our peace furnisheth the Soul with good thoughts, and is the way not to want that which may be said profitably, and to purpose.

17. In Silence, not suffering your mind, to lye idle, or to dwell too much in your ear (where the discourse of o∣thers is not pertinent. For he that will be dumb, must also be deaf;) or, to wander whither it listeth to other mat∣ters no less vain than those you avoid, but keeping it at work; and putting your self in another, and better company: I mean, conversing in your heart with God, who is still with us, when we turn unto him; and goes not from us at all, but as we recede from him: Reciting in your mind some Psalms, or other ready devotions, (which will presently stop the course of your passion;) or your ears from your Companion's impertinencies. To which purpose are those Scripture-Exhortations of praying continually with persever∣ance, always in all things giving thanks, rejoycing always, i. e. in the Lord; singing, and making Melody in our hearts to the Lord; not quenching the Spirit. 1. Thes. 5.16, 17, 18, 19.

Phil. 4.4. Eph. 6.18. Col. 4.2. Eph. 5.20. Haec est enim voluntas Dei in omnibus vobis. 1. Thess. 5.18.

18 All this that is to be observed in discourse, much more observing it in letters, and writings; Acts more de∣liberate, more permanent.

Digr. 1. Of the numberless, and continually return∣ing, (and many of them very great) sins of Discourse.

Digr. 2. Of the innocency, many benefits, and advan∣tages, of Silence.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Recommen∣dation of Silence.