THE great and inexpressible trouble and distraction I have been under since I came into Trouble, especially since my close Confinement in Newgate, hath so broken my Reason, that for many Weeks last past, till the day my Sentence was passed, I have not had any com∣posure of Mind, and have been under the greatest trouble imaginable: Since my dearest Wife hath had the Favour granted her of coming to me, I am at present under great composedness of Mind, through the Infinite Goodness of the Lord. As to what I stand Outlawed for, and am now sentenced to die, I can with comfort Appeal to the great God, before whose Tribunal I am to appear, that what I did was in the simplicity of my heart, without seeking any private Advantage to my self; but thinking it my Duty to hazard my Life for the Preservation of the Protestant Religion, and English Liberties, which I thought invaded, and both in great danger of being lost. As to the Design of Assassinating the late King, or his present Majesty, it always was a thing highly against my Judgment, and which I always detested; and I was never in the least concerned in it, neither in Purse nor Person, nor ever knew of any Arms bought for that intent, nor did I believe there was any such Design, or ever heard of any disappointment in such an Affair, or Arms, or Time, or Place, save what after the Discovery of the General Design, Mr. West spoke of, as to Arms bought by him: And as to my self, I was in the North when the late King was at New-Market; and the first News I had of the Fire, was at Beverly in York-shire. As to my coming over with the late Duke of Monmouth, it was in prosecution of the same ends; but the Lord in his Holy and Wise Providence hath been pleased to blast all our Undertakings; tho' there seemed to be a very unanimous and zealous Spirit in all those that came from beyond the Seas. And as to the Duke of Monmouth's being declared King, I was wholly Passive in it, I never having been present at any publick Debate of that Affair, and should never have advised it, but complained of it to Col. Holmes and Captain Patchet. I believe the Lord Gray and Mr. F—the chief Promoters of it. As to the Temptation of being an Evidence, and bringing either into trouble or danger of his Life the meanest Person, upon the Account for which I suffer, I always abhorred and detested the thoughts of it, both when in and out of danger, and advised some very strongly against it; except when under my Distraction in Prison, that amongst other Temptations did violently assault me; but through the goodness of my dearest God and Father, I was preserved from it, and indeed was wholly incapable, and could never receive the least sha∣dow of comfort from it, but thought Death more eligible, and was some time afore, out of my distracted and disquieted condition, wholly free from it; though not without other Tempta∣tions far more Criminal in the sight of Men. I bless the Father of all Mercies, and God of all Consolations, that I find a great Resignedness of my Will to his, finding infinitely more comfort in Death, than ever I could place in Life, tho' in a condition that might seem honourable, every hour seeing the Will of God in ordering this Affair more and more cleared up to me. God hath given, God hath taken, blessed be his holy Name, that hath enabled me to be willing to suffer, rather than to put forth my hand to Iniquity, or to say a Confederacy with those that do so. I am heartily and sincerely troubled for what hath happened, many mans Lives being lost, and many poor distressed Families ruin'd; the Lord Pardon what of sin he hath seen in it. He in his wonderful Providence hath made me and others concerned, Instruments, not only for what is already fallen out, but I believe, for hastening some other great Work he hath to do in these Kingdoms; whereby he will try and purge his People, and winnow the Chaff from the Wheat; the Lord keep those that are his, Faithful unto the end.
I die in Charity with all the World, and can readily and heartily forgive my greatest Enemies, even those that have been Evidences against me; and I most humbly beg the Pardon of all that I have in the least any way injured; and in a special manner humbly ask Pardon of the Lady Lisle's Family and Relations, for that my being succoured there one Night with Mr. Hicks, brought that worthy Lady to suffer Death: I was wholly a Stranger to her Ladiship, and came with Mr. Hicks; neither did she (as I verily believe) know who I was, or my Name, till I was taken: And if any other have come to any loss or trouble, I humbly beg their Pardon; and were I in a condition, I would, as far as I was able, make them a requital.