Chap. 14. Now com•s his Conference with Vulcan the Armourer.

FRiend, Epistemon, quo the Palatine, I have heard, that if a man comes into the world in his Mothers Smicket, he shall be the most fortunate man in the world. I cannot tell whe∣ther I were so or no. But I should be loth to trust to that. For I can tell by experience that Womens Linnen is seldom proof against sligh∣ter Batteries than those of a Cannon Bullet. And therefore fetch me hither Vulcan the Ar∣mour maker; they say he is a famous Fellow, and rare in his Art. For I would fain fight as safely as I can; that's but common Prudence; and Nature teaches every man to defend him∣self. Epistemon flew, and Vulcan came in a Trice: To whom the Palatine, Is your Name Vulcan, Friend? My name Sir, is Vulcan, and I make Suits of Arms for Gentlemen that want them; that is to say, I am an Armour-Taylor by Trade. Where do you live? quo the Palatine. Here in Lutetia, reply'd the Armour-Taylor. Then you are not that Vul∣can Page  40 I mean, quo the Palatine: I mean that Vulcan that kept Shop at Aetna in Sicilie, whose Journeymen were call'd Cyclops's, they that made Pluto a Helmet, and gave it him for nothing; the vertue of which was so rare, that where e're he put it on, he became invi∣sible; Can you make me such a one? I will not undertake it, Sir; for that Trade, like Painting in Glass, is quite lost now: that Vul∣can, of whom you spoke last, never left his Receipt behind him. What can you do then? Can you make me such a Sute of Armour as your Namesake made Achilles, that no human force could penetrate, full Cannon proof? 'Slife Sir, how can I do that, when a Cannon Bullet will make its way through the sides of a First Rate Ship three foot thick, all massie Oak? Then you can do nothing: Alas Sir, these Cannon Bullets have quite spoil'd our Trade: for what signifies it for men to buy Suits of Armour, when they signifie nothing? Formerly when men shot nothing but Darts and Arrows, or sharp Stakes harden'd at one end in the Fire, we could make a shift to deal with 'em well enough. I wish the Devil were to eat all the Cannon Bullets that ever were or ever will be, red hot for his Supper this very Night, and then our Trade would mend. Is there no way then to fend off these Cannon Page  41 Bullets? quo the Palatine: they make my heart shiver every time I think of 'em. No way but one, quo Vulcan; a good thick long Bush of Hair for the Head, Sampson's Strength lay in in his Hair; nay, the whole Strength of the City Megarae lay in King Nysus's purple Lock, and what's a Cannon Bullet to the whole Strength of a City? And we find that Gara∣gantua, after a great Battel, comb'd out no less than fifty Cannon Bullets out of his Hair; which he could never have done, had not the thickness of his Bush natural dampt 'em, and kept 'em from going farther. But what shall we do for the rest of the Body? quo the Pa∣latine. That must be done, quo the Armou∣rer, by means of a Round Wall, about four foot thick, made of a certain Parget mix'd and temper'd with Eggs, like the Walls of Cov•ntria in Albion, which may be so con∣triv'd, as to be girt on like a Campaign Coat. Who the Devil shall be able to carry it, quo the Palatine? Why Sir, quo the Armourer, there are s•veral both here in Lut•tia, and in other places, that can wear a Stone Doublet for a Twelvemonth or two years together, and make nothing of it. You must exercise, an't please your Highness, as Milo did by his Calf, first carry a little Wall, then a small Wall, then a bigger Wall, till you come to be able Page  42 to carry the Wall of ••rfection. Hang all your Walls, quo the Page, my Master shall carry no Walls: I have lit upon the true way at length. Sir, said he, you have three Pagan Deities at Command, St. Loyola, St. Dominick, and St. Francis, there's not a straw to choose. Ply any one of these, and they will as surely send you a Life Guard of four Arch Angels, as ever St. Francis pass'd the Danaw in his Cowle. These Arch Angels will guard ye, one before, another behind, and one of each side, and when they see a Cannon Bullet com∣ing toward ye from any corner of the Wind, will catch it like a Stool Ball, and throw it to the Devil. Courage, Master, allons, in no∣mine Sanctae Mariae.

The Palatine lik'd this Project very well: However for more surety, he was resolv'd that Vulcan should make him a Sute of Armour to boot. Which the Armourer promised to do, of Enchanted Tiffany steep'd in the Blood of the Minotaur which Theseus kill'd; of which the Armourer said, he had above a Gallon left.

This tickl'd the Palatine more than any thing had been yet said; so that he bid the Armourer go on and prosper.