The London jilt, or, The Politick whore. The second and last part shewing all the artifices and stratagems which the ladies of pleasure make use of for the intreaguing and decoying of men interwoven with several pleasant stories of the misses ingenious performances.

THE LONDON JILT: OR, THE POLITICK WHORE.

The Second and Last Part.

AFTER that I had thus deceiv∣ed the Hop Merchant, and had removed with my Vir∣tuous Mother into an other Lodging, a certain Sparke who for his Mo∣ney enjoyed my Favours, brought an other with him, when that we had dewlt there about seven or eight Months, who was a Widdower, and drove a great Trade in To∣bacco. This Man was about 23 or 24 Years old, but in a little time I observed by

his Discourse, that he was a Man of great experience in things that had any Confor∣mity with my way of living, as also in all the Circumstances, that are proper for the gaining a Woman's heart, and more Capa∣city could not have been expected in a Man of three times his Age; he being still so young, I was amazed that he used his Wife at that rate, as to dispatch her so soon, and I began to rally him upon the business, but he had his Answer so ready, that I might say, I had found the Man I wanted. A∣mongst several other Discourses that he held me, Without doubt (said he to me with a smiling Countenance) after having been mar∣ried only five or six Months, Death would not have deprived me of an ungly Wife, when I only Married for the sake of her Riches, than to furnish me with the Convenience of choosing another adorn'd with so many Graces and Charms as your self. I took little notice of these Words, because I thought they pro∣ceeded more from meer Civility, than from a Heart truly sincere. However I could well enough bear with 'em coming from his Mouth, and listen to 'em, both for that he was a handsom Man and very advanta∣geously rich, as I was assured by him that brought him to me, so that there was a Pleasure in hearing one's Praises from such

a Person: and for my part I was very well satisfyed with him, which made me show him a much more Familiar and Amiable Countenance, than I was used to do to any other in a first Visit; for certainly though Women may show themselves something Disdainful and Coy, when Men exalt their Beauties in their Presence, and though they make a show of giving no ear thereto, yet I protest there is nothing they believe more easily. Wherefore the Spanish Proverb says very patt, and to the Purpose, Tell a Wo∣man but once shee's handsom, and the Devil will tell it her a thousand times afterwards: And this is very true, for those Words run so much in their Heads, that it often breaks their Rest, and even there is not one how ugly and mishaped soever she may be, but taxes the Republick of Venice, of having u∣sed falsification in regard of her Glass, ra∣ther than believe that she is wholly so as Nature, and the Course of Years have made her, such a strong fancy have these poor Creatures that Beauty is an inseparable Propriety of the Female Sex.

In a few days after, this Tobacco Mer∣chant came to visit me again, and besides, that being so well made of his Person, he could not but be agreeable, he had such Plea∣sant Discourses, and he knew in a short time

so well to insinuate himself into my favour, that one Night I graced him with half of my Bed, with a firm Confidence that he knew how to move the rest of his Body as dextrously as his Tongue; and truly I was not at all deceived herein, for he was so great a Master in that Profession, that Au∣rora sooner approach'd than I could have wish'd it, and found us lying and panting in one anothers Arms.

This caused a great Amazement in my Mother, for I had not yet received from that Lover any Benefit of any great Impor∣tance; whereas otherwise I never permit∣ted any one should obtain the least Courtesy from me, till after having frequented me a long time, and that I had drawn from them as much Money, as I could imagine to have an Obligation to them; but one of the three Torments, which torment the Minds of Mortals, now by the Flesh had so unmercifully disquieted me since the first time I saw him, that in the Night I could hardly hold my Legs still, when the Thoughts I had had in the Day-time came to renew themselves in my head, so great is the Power of a Man in the Heart of a Woman, when his Tongue is well hung and he is handsom of Person, and when they be∣gin to maintain together a particular Con∣verstion,

and that one finds that these Par∣ties ought not to yield to one another. I certifie to you according to the experience I have had thereof, and all Women who have so open and frank a Heart as mine, will confess as well as I do, that there is nothing under the Sun that has such pow∣erful Attractions, and that the Load-stone cannot have more Virtue to draw Iron and Steel towards it, than those Parts have to attract one another Reciprocally.

We had for about six Months spent our time in this incomparable Divertisement, without however my being in any manner obliged to abandon my other Lovers, who tickled my Toby, and paid me for it suffici∣ently (for my Tobacco Man who had not the Civility to honour me of his own Mo∣tion, with any thing of value, and whom I never sollicited to give me any thing, be∣cause I bore him too great a Love, and was afraid of losing him) knew very well that I could not maintain my self in my Conditi∣on with wind, and he did not seem to be very much disquieted upon this account, pro∣vided he might have perferably before any other, his Elbow-room with me. We had spent, I say, about so much time in this man∣ner, when that one Morning as we were in Bed in Love and Delight, he began to

relate to me how he got acquainted with his first Wife, who had been old, ugly, and rich, and with whom he had made a considerable Fortune, after having given himself to all manner of Debauches during his Youth.

This Relation having already lasted near half an hour without my comprehending what all these things tended to, he asked me after a serious manner, if I would abandon this Libertine and disorderly way of Living, and if I could live contented with one Man who loved me from the very bottom of his Heart? I made him answer in the Affirmative, and that there was nothing I aspired to with more disquiet, unless that it would please Heaven to address a good Man to me, which though I lived in that manner, was not all the same thing to me, but, that with such a Man as he, I knew how to comport my self so honourably and so virtuously, as the discreetest Woman in all the City of Lon∣don could do.

And thereupon taking him about the Neck to kiss him, I gave him a hundred Kisses, letting at the same time many Tears trickle down my Cheeks, as if it had been for a sign of my Repentance, for the Life I had thitherto led; I knew besides, so well how to play my part, by assuring him that

the first cause that had constrained me there∣to, was Poverty, that his Heart began to be moved so far, as that I fancied I saw some Signs of Tears in his Eyes. I easily perceive (said he) that I run a risque to ruine my self by loving you, and that in∣fallibly I shall fall again into my first Con∣dition, if I do not endeavour to make spee∣dy Provision against it, by some means which may help me, for it is absolutely impossible for me to live much longer without you. Since then I must of neces∣sity make choice of one of the two Evils, methinks that it is much better to Marry together betimes, than wait till Old Age, and perhaps Poverty comes. But (added he) be careful that I never find the least In∣fidelity on your part, and be assured that I have padded this way long enough to know all the Turnings and Windings of it; there∣upon he was going to make a considerable number of Threatnings, but I stopped his design by as many Vows, which I thought were necessary for the imprinting in him good Sentiments of my Person.

Reader, do not overmuch wonder at the Folly of him who in a short time after was my Husband, for there are so many Men who take Wives who have had to do with other Men for several Years before, that

the City of London is able to furnish above Fifty Thousand of that sort of Sparks: And pray you, why should not those poor Devils find Men as well as others, since it is most certain, that by a long experience they have rendred themselves more capable of the business; and that besides they spare those poor Cullies the pains of employing so terrible a strength to break the Fin of an affected Maydenhead? Certainly if you are not yet Marryed, you will think with your self, that you would do your business bet∣ter. And in case there be here and there a Woman who has not given her self up long to this Commerce, and who has not kept Company with many Persons, yet you are not assured that she who shall fall into your Arms, has never had to do with an other. For this is so common in the Age we live, that a certain Clerk of a Church declared to me, that in the time of six Years, dur∣ing which he had exercised that Charge, there had not been one Bride that had sprinkled the Chancery with her Tears, which has in all times been an infallible sign of a Maydenhead; and if you have not yet lost that your self, I would yet less ad∣vise you to seek out one of that sort, for two Persons who are Novices and unexpe∣rienced in Copulation, the Children they

get are commonly Fools, which is a thing People ought to be more careful of than any other.

Some days after that we had held such Discourses together, we went to the Parson to have him Ask us in the Church the Sun∣day following; but it would be tedious to relate all the Particulars of those Ceremo∣nies, some Children as well as Men in Years are acquainted with all the Circum∣stances of that matter. Thus I will only tell you, that after the Publication of our Banes, we went to Barnet and were Marry∣ed there, because if my Dear Husband had kept his Wedding in the City, he would have seen too many Sons-in-Law.

Thus as soon as we were engaged to one another conformably to the Ceremonies, and that I had removed my goods into a new Habitation; my Husband required of me that I would take a Room for my Mo∣ther, because he would in no wise consent she should dwell with us, alledging for Pre∣text, that that was often an occasion of Quarrels and Trouble amongst young Mar∣ryed People, by reason that commonly young Women depend a little too much on their Parents, which hinders them from acknowledging the Soveraignty of their Husband, and from rendring them∣selves

subject to the Laws of Obedi∣ence.

As I was very much used to my Mother's Company, I imagined at first he did me a great injury, but afterwards having taken all things into serious Consideration, I was overjoyed to find him so resolved; for tho' I had not yet any design of committing to∣wards him any Act of Infidelity, by reason, that to speak the truth, I loved him from the bottom of my Heart, yet I knew very well that there might be such Occasions of∣fered as might make us change our Senti∣ments, and that in such a case it is better to trust to Parents than to Strangers; which is beyond all Dispute.

Thus I took two Rooms for the poor Woman; but I charged her to speak but of one to my Husband, on the one side, that he might not complain of so much Money for Rent, and on the other for Rea∣sons which you may learn in the Sequel of this Relation.

We had not been Marryed for above a Fortnight, when I took occasion to quar∣rel with the two Maids, who served my Husband during the time of his being a Widdower; for those Maids not being u∣sed to a Mistress, and having infallibly heard (as I could easily conjecture by their Dis∣course)

what a Person I had been, they would in no wise submit themselves, nor suffer that an other should have rul'd over them.

In the mean while, I for my part bestir∣red my Jaws to such purpose, that I kept 'em under, and if my Husband was willing to be at Rest, he was no longer to defer turning away those two Wenches. Which nevertheless he was very loath to do, that by what I afterwards learnt from the Neigh∣bours, he had lived a little more familiarly with them than Decency did allow of; but I was obliged to follow the Mode of Wo∣men who come to Marry with Men, that is to say, I was to turn away the Maids, that I might have no Contradictions, for that rascality finds so much to blame touching the want of experience in New Wives, that without having the greatest patience in the World they are not to be born with.

When that all things were thus setled, and in good Order, my Husband began diligently to attend his business at the Change, and to look after his Servants; while that for my part I took care of the Shop, wherein I became in a short time as skilful and as ready, as if I had been brought up to it all my Life, which certainly is no very great Subject of Admiration; for

there is no great Art in weighing Tobacco and filling of Pipes.

In the mean while, all sorts of Merchants and Tradesmen came to our House, tho' with no other Design than to see and dis∣course with me, while they set a smoaking their Tobacco, which cannot be prohibited in such Shops; for I was dress'd like a God∣dess, and you would have said that I was Queen of all the Tobacco-Sellers Wives. The truth is, that my Husband desired me several times that I would lay aside those Trappings which glittered and made too great a show, but all his Representations were in vain, that Devil of Pride had ta∣ken such deep root in my mind, that all his endeavours to destroy it were in vain. Be∣sides I am not the only one who by such means has butter'd and nourish'd her Hus∣band's Brow-Antlets. All Women are com∣monly proud, and tho' commonly they fall into a dirty sluttishness when they are Mar∣ryed, nevertheless they must have all manner of fine things, that they may not appear less than their Companions or Neighbours, without considering whether their Hus∣band's Incomes can counterpoise that of o∣thers. They must have at home all manner of precious Moveables and Furniture, and if these poor Cullies will not consent to

buy them all they have a mind to, they will never have a good Look nor a kind Word from their Spouses. Besides these difficul∣ties there are several others which are from time to time, for if it happens to those Creatures to have their Bellies full of Petti∣toes they must prepare an Equipage for the little Children so rich and so pompous, that they may be an Object of Admiration to all People, and tho' they alledge for their Ju∣stification, that it shall be but one time for all, however I assure you that as soon as they find themselves again in the same Cir∣cumstances, they must again make a Num∣ber of Preparations, for during that Interval all those Laces have changed the Fashion, and if the Wife does not follow the New Mode, she can never happily be delivered of the Child she goes with.

After this manner did I live with my Husband, and though I did not put him to a Hundred Pounds Charge for Clouts, by reason I imagined I should not lie in the first Year, I obliged him however to lay out so much Money for Moveables, Cloaths, Lin∣nen, Laces, and several other such like things, that he often scratched his Head, neither more nor less, than if he had had a great many Lice, which put him to that ter∣rible itching. To make short, I took such a

course, that in a Year or two our Affairs began to go backwards like a Crab, which my Husband perceiving, and seeing clearly that I should be the cause of his Ruine, if he did not timely prevent it, kept his Purse shut and gave me nothing more than what was necessary for the Maintenance of a House; but because I still received the Mo∣ney for Tobacco, it was impossible for him to hinder me from stealing from him, so much as in a little time amounted to a con∣siderable Sum, which I gave my Mother to keep for to make use of in case I fell into a Calamitous time, and she also understood how to cheat her very dexterously. How∣ever he took notice that his Tobacco lessen∣ed and fell short, and that no Money arose from it, whereupon he ratled me the first time very sharply, but seeing that was to little purpose, he undertook to employ an other more powerful means, for one Morn∣ing when all the People were gone to Church, having called me into a Back-Room, he represented to me my Duty with such very pertinent Reasons, that I was ve∣ry sensible of them for above a Week after∣wards.

I could not easily disgest this Affront, and tho' after his Anger was appeased, he be∣sought me several times, that I would think

no more thereof, protesting that he would never treat me after that manner, provided I would have comported my self as I ought to do, nevertheless, I would not suffer him to touch me for above a Fortnight, and I not only plagued him in that respect, but I also took an irrevocable Resolution of planting two Horns upon his Front, that in no wise should yield to those of Acteon, and exercise my Body in Labour as strongly as ever did Lais, or Messalina the Wife of the Emperour Claudius.

I wanted not an occasion to effect all this, for though above two years time, I had not done the Feat with any Body, nor had I given any one hopes of doing it, my Old Inamorato's fail'd not still of coming in Crowds to the Door, and even those too who had had all their Lives long an Aversi∣on for Tobacco, had tortur'd themselves with smoaking since that they might have a familiar Conversation, and an honourable access to my House: True it is that they were to be careful how they employed then their time, because that my Husband, who knew very well that I was none of the Chastest, by little and little became very jealous, and for that reason did not look up∣on any of those with a good Eye in his House, who had in any wise approached

me before. This Resolution having been thus taken, I showed my self oftner in the Street, than I had thitherto done, and deckt my self so spruce and so fine, that I drew the Eyes of all upon me. Moreover I dispatched my Mother to two or three of my old Gallants, alledging for pretext that she had something to tell them. These went to her Chamber without delay, where she stayed them so long with Impertinent Tat∣lings of one thing or other, until I had no∣tice thereof by a Wench that lived in that House in Quality of a Maid. I went thither finely adorn'd to see again my ancient Ser∣vants, but as if it had been by chance that I met with any one of them there, that I might set the better value upon my Com∣modity, I showed my self too Coy and Dis∣dainful to amuse my self in things of that Nature, insomuch, that one would have thought it had never been toucht with a Finger, and because Desires augment by Denyal, I rendred them so hot that they would have given half their Estates, to have enjoyed my Favours, which they were so much the more passionate upon, as that they saw me engaged in Marriage; for that Cursed Folly seems to be naturally imprin∣ted in the Minds of Men, that they love much rather to Commit Adulteries, than to

Divert themselves with Whores, which proceeds undoubtedly from that they ima∣gine, that Marryed Women grant them the Enjoyment of their Bodies out of pure In∣clination, though it be however most cer∣tain that there are several amongst them who prostitute themselves much more than those innocent Creatures who out of neces∣sity are obliged to gain their Livelyhood in Bawdy Houses. And you may be assured you simple Young or Old Lovers, that when a Woman Exposes her self thus by aban∣doning her self to Strangers, she either does it to get Money or to satisfy her Lascivious Temper; if it be for the first Reason, why should she not endeavour to receive it from an other Person as well as you? And if it be to content her Lust and Lasciviousness, you may firmly believe, that not one Man nor six, are sufficient to extinguish her Flame, and by Consequence you cannot be the only Person that possesses her Favour. In short, after we had thus agreed upon the Bargain for this New Maydenhead, which was not done, until a good quantity of Sil∣ver had first of all softned the Humour (for it was particularly for my interest that I played at Hugh Gaffer-Cookes, tho' I was also something provoked to it by the tick∣ling of my own Nature) we retired then

into the Back-Room) for I had taken two Chambers for my Mother as I told you be∣fore, though my Husband had knowledge but of one, and we there did our Work as Gentilely and as Pleasantly as we used to do in former times.

Nevertheless this Life could not last very long, tho' there had never been any dabling in our Water-Pots, without my Husband's knowing it, he who had padded the same way often in his Youth, yet he took no notice of it, but I easily observed by the coldness of his Carriage to me afterwards, and by all his Behaviour, that he had an Inckling of it; and if he did not tell his mind upon the business, it was for no other reason which obliged him to act in that manner, than to catch me in the Fact, if it was possible for him; but I knew how to manage my Affairs with so much Circum∣spection, that for a long time it was im∣possible for him to bring his design about, though the Occasion did often happen, and if he had known my Mother's Lodgings consisted in two Rooms, there would cer∣tainly have been a great deal of Bustle a∣mongst us, for I have heard him several times in the Fore-Room, when he came to seek me, while I was taking my Heats in the same moment in the Back-Room, with

one Gallant or other, and he had also once demanded of the Taylor who dwelt under∣neath, who it was that had that Chamber, but I had already provided against that in∣conveniency, and I had so well won upon that Fellow by two Silver Salts which I gave him, that he made him answer, that he kept it himself for his own use, inso∣much, that my poor Innocent Gulley could not discover where it was I took my Plea∣sure.

In the mean while, this occasioned our leading a very Pleasant Life at our Home, for though he let nothing appear of such a Conduct, yet he took occasion to quarrel at all things, and often swinged me off, after so rude a manner, as if he had been to have beaten Stock-fish to have render'd it supple, which made me conceive such an A∣version against him, that I could hardly any longer bear the sight of him.

But after that this sorry course had la∣sted about seven or eight Months, my Mo∣ther who was my only Comfort and only Refuge, fell sick and was reduced to that extremity, that she dyed at the Weeks end, which my Husband was as joyful for as I was sad, because he hoped that when this Block was removed, I should become much the better Wife. He immediately caused

all the Moveables to be brought to our House that were in the Fore-Room, tho' they were but of very small Importance; for as for the other that I had pinched from him from time to time, and which my Ser∣vants had given me for the use of my Body, I locked them up in the other Chamber, which I kept still for some time after the Death of my Mother, without my Hus∣band's knowing the least of the matter. He caused also the Corps of the Deceased to be brought into our House, and for his own Honour, made a very great Funeral, for without that consideration, he would have rather chosen to have flung it to the Dogs.

In the mean while, as I dayly inquired after some place to exercise my Calling in in Repose and Liberty (for I durst not ven∣ture it in the Chamber I kept; because that other Persons very reserved had taken Pos∣session of the Fore-Room, and whom I feared might go and inform my Patron if they perceived that Men came Crowding to me there, to which, my Husband had me often dogged by others, knowing that I had nothing more to do there) I was carri∣ed one Evening into Drury-lane to a Wid∣dows House, by one of my Gallants, whom I met with by chance. The Widdow kept a Mayd, of eighteen or nineteen years of

Age, to whom she gave leave to get Money by the sweat of her Body, that she might appear in an honourable Posture, and for that purpose she imparted her Talent to some Gentlemen advanced in Years, and of a calm Humour, of whom every one had his particular day assigned him alone, that the others might not be taken notice of. Be∣sides this Mayd, there came also sometimes when occasion required it, some marryed Woman or other whose Husband and she could not agree together as they ought to do, and who for that reason transported her self into that place, that she might live with another in Peace and Diversion, so that this Old Woman kept a Bawdy-House of Citi∣zens Wives; but after that I began to fre∣quent it, the others had not much Practice there, for so rich and stately Apparel as I usually wore, tho' it had not been accom∣panied with a Beautiful Face, might easily attract the Admiration of a Troop of men, and especially they all have something of the Nature of Germans, who had rather have to do with an ugly nasty Quean in fine Cloaths, than a Beautiful Mayd in a Plain Dress.

This House of my Landladys pleased me extreamly, and I could willingly have con∣tinued longer than my Frequentation (for

Money came rolling in a-pace) if an unhap∣py Accident had not brought the business almost all to nothing. My Husband told me one Morning that he was to go settle some accounts, and for that purpose within a Week or eight days, he was to take a Jour∣ney to Northampton and some other places thereabouts, as indeed, after having made great Preparations for his Journey, he took his leave of me at the time he spoke of, with Testimonies of Affection, much greater than ordinary. You may very well think, that I was not very sad at his Departure, for I promised my self that during that time, I should have Elbow-room, and might heap up a Sum of Money; which I had so much the more reason to do, as that I was to make my escape, when I had provided my self with the Profits that I had honourably gained by the Labour of my Body, as also all that I could scrape up in the management of our Trade and House-Keeping, that then I would withdraw for a long time, and Exchange London for some other Town, which proceeded from the Aversion I had conceived to my Husband, since the first time he had chastised me so severely. This Aver∣sion was encreased to that degree, that I had all the Pains imaginable to bear the sight of him, wherein I resembled most

Women who are commonly blind in all their Passions, and are so violently passio∣nate in their hatred or their Love, even most commonly without any Cause, that they exceed all Bounds.

Three or four days after that my Hus∣band was gone, I went to my Widdow's House, and gave her to understand, that I should have henceforward the occasion to be employed in the Service of an honest Man without running any Risque; and certainly I was not long without putting in Practice so laudable an Exercise, and there present∣ly after a Man came in who approached me, and who having an ugly Wife, diverted himself sometimes with those of other Mens, though perhaps he would have done no less, if he had had a fair one; for even the most dainty Meats cause at length Dis∣gust, if you eat them continually. It seems as if Nature for the Mortification of Honest Women, has so deeply imprinted this abo∣minable desire in the Hearts of Men, that they cannot get rid of it. And methinks they would be in this Case in less manner excusable, if they sought after Women, tho' none of the greatest Beauties, yet who ought not to yield that advantage to the others, that belong to them; but O! the Prodigiousness of disorderly Love: We see

Husbands who have Wives as beautiful as Angels, who nevertheless run after Wenches, who are more deformed and ugly than if they were Devils; but if those Women did as I was used to do, I am sure that those Gallants would find them∣selves much more assiduous at their own Homes, for fear that during their absence, their Wives should dishonour them in ma∣king them bear the Arms and Crown of the Cornutors: And why should our Free∣dom be less than that of the Men, in what concerns the violation of the Conjugal Oath? Perhaps I shall be answered as to that point, that this is the cause that Families are bastardized; but where can one find a Medium in this Affair, and if all those who fall into such extravagancies, govern them∣selves after the same manner that I did, let 'em take my word it would be a great Pro∣digy if ever they come to Bastardize a Fami∣ly for the Field produces abundance of Herbs, but the High-way has not this advantage; from whence comes then this disorder, un∣less it be that Men have established Laws; and when once the Women shall have in their hands the Helm of the Government, things will have another Byass? But not to Moralize too long upon this Point, and not to suffer my self to be transported in

this manner by the fervency of my Zeal, I may once more return into the way I ought to keep, and pass over such things as are the least necessary to my Subject; for will it not be better in imitation of the Shoe-ma∣ker, I hold exactly to the form of the Last, since besides, my Wit is not strong e∣nough to make such like Sallys, and that tho' they should be done pat and to the pur∣pose, I shall only lose my time in employ∣ing my Leisure therein?

Wherefore to return to my Subject, I will tell the Reader, that three days after that my Husband was departed, that fore-men∣tioned Widdow came to my House, and besought me, since too I had no Body to be afraid of, that I would come and spend one Night in her House, protesting to me, that I should have to do with a Man, that she would be Surety that I should be well paid by. I ask't her what sort of Man it was, and if I had never had his Company before. Thereupon she answered me in the Negative, and that he was of an Humour not to be known by any Body. I remained a long time wavering if I should conclude or no this Bargain: For to pass a whole Night out of my House, methought too difficult a matter to effect, without my Servants having some knowledge thereof or

some ill suspicion; and as for worldly be∣nefits I would not have hazarded my self so far; for these Creatures are often filled with Malice, and when they have once discover∣ed that you have committed any such fault, you are always afterwards under their Pro∣tection, without it's being possible for you to shake off this Yoke in any manner, and there is danger that their blabbing and long Tongues may make you lose your honour, or at least your good reputation. Now as for your honour it is to be supposed abso∣lutely lost, when those Queans of Maids have once began to observe your Actions and Criticise your Conduct.

Nevertheless, as the Power of Money has ever had an absolute Dominion over my Mind, and as I was in hopes to behave my self so well in my Affairs, that no Body should know any thing thereof, I promised to come to her accordingly, upon Condi∣tion that it should be after eleven of the Clock, and that I should stay no longer than five of the Clock in the Morning; for it was in Autumn, which is a Season dark enough to come back to one's House with∣out being taken notice of by the Neigh∣bours. I protest to you, Dearest Madam (said the Widdow, as soon as I had given her my Word) that I shall be obliged to

you all the rest of my Life: For that Gen∣tleman told me this morning, that he has been so transported with Love for you these two or three days last past that he has seen you, that he promised me three Guin∣neys, in case that by my means he could bring about his Design: From whence you may conjecture, added she, how great the Recompence will be that you are to expect. These Reasons were the Cause that I made my self very fine, and I intended to make him pay dear enough for my Commodity. But Affairs have not always that Success that People do imagine to themselves; and we often find our selves very villainously mistaken when that we have not any Sus∣picion of Deceit and Treachery.

As soon as it was Ten a Clock our Shop was shut up, as was customary, and our Maids were gone to Bed before Eleven, at which time I was to be at the Rendezvouz appointed; so that I had no reason to fear, because they lay in a Room so far towards the Backside of our House, that tho' they had been awake, it would have been im∣possible they should have heard me open and shut the Door, tho' I had done it less gently. Whereupon I set out, after hav∣ing decked my selfe to some purpose; and having taken a Coach at some distance from

our House, I came to the Widows about half an hour after Eleven: I ask'd her im∣mediately if the Gentleman was yet come? She made me Answer, that he had waited for me above an hour and an half; but that he would not that any one should see him, and that he had given her in Charge, that she should only put me to Bed, and that he would come to me in the dark. I was not over-well pleased with this new Freak of his; and from the Beginning I seemed to have some Repugnance thereto: But foras∣much as that I did not much care so I got but Money, whether it was with handsom or ugly Men: And besides, as I knew, that there are several who have this Maggot in their Heads of not being willing to be seen, imagining they shall not be known again, I was prevailed with at length, and was put to Bed in a Chamber where I had done that Feat several other times, according as Occasions were offered; and there I wait∣ed for my Spark whom I intended to fleece to some purpose.

Presently after, the same Widow con∣ducted this Cavalier to my Bed side, by fa∣vour of the Darkness; and he having im∣mediately embraced and kissed me several times, put off his, Cloaths and lay soft∣ly down by my Side, without uttering

one word, but by way of Whispers, and through his Teeth, insomuch that I could never judge by that kind of murmur of his voice if I had had any Acquaintance with him before. Thus after we had pass'd our time in wantoning and toying, till half an hour after Twelve, he pretended that he would go Sleep; but I could easily hear that he cast out some Sighs by Intervals, which proceeded from the Bottom of his Heart. I was so much amazed at this, that I took the Resolution of going to seek for Light, as soon as I could perceive he was fast asleep, to see if I knew this languishing Lover. A little after I thought that Hea∣ven or Hell (it was certainly one of the two) would favour my Undertaking; whereof there was no other cause, as I ima∣gine, than his Weariness which proceeded from his voluptuous Combat: For we had been very brisk, and heated our selves to some purpose in our amorous Conflict. Whereupon I got up softly from him, and having put on my Petticoat, I went be∣low, where I found the Woman of the House fast asleep, with the Maid, who was one of Venus's Nuns. Having taken the Lamp which hung still lighted in the Chim∣ney, I went up above again bare footed, with out making any Noise: For I thought

it not convenient to awake them: But who can express the Fright and Consternation I was in, when I found that he with whom I had had so great an Assault was my own Husband, who without doubt came thither to convict me of my whoring, after having for a long while had Suspition thereof. I swear to you, that I was so terrified, that the Lamp had like to have fallen out of my Hand. Nevertheless, as I have always been endowed with a wonderful presence of Wit, I some∣what recollected my Sences, and consider∣ing the greatness of the Danger I should be in if he saw me there, I took all my Cloaths under my Arms, and went imme∣diately down Stairs, and flung my self straight into the Widows Bed, who I had all the reason imaginable to suspect had played me this Pranck. The Truth is, that I told her, as soon as I had awaked her, that I could not have believed that she would have committed so cursed an Infide∣lity towards me as to— How, said the poor Woman, interrupting my Discourse, have I done any thing to you that is contrary to the Duty of Civility, Honesty and Friendship. As we had not time to use many words, I ask'd her im∣mediately who had brought that Gentle∣man to her House? And having conjectu∣red

by her Answer, that she was innocent in this Encounter, as this might easily be true: For before that time she had never seen my Husband, nor set Foot in our House, but only when she brought me this Message. I related to her how all went, beg∣ging her Advice at the same time, what was the best Course for me to take in this Occasion. The poor Woman was so trou∣bled and concerned that she could hardly utter one word. I lay apart the Counsel she would have given me. In the mean while, there came a thing into my Fancy, which I thought the most suitable in the world to free me out of that Disquiet. I gave this woman the three Guinneys my Husband had promised her, and engaged to give her as many more in case she would be faithful to me, and declare she had ne∣ver any Acquaintance with me; then I gave the Damosel who dwelt in the House a Guinney, upon condition she would go lie in my place; and that when my Husband should come to wake, she should by one means or other give him to under∣stand, that during all the Night long he had lain with no other Person than her self. This Damosel, who perhaps had not got so much money in a Fortnight, was easily prevailed upon by such Pathetick Argu∣ments,

and the Landlady led her to the Bed in the Dark. This was done with so much Cunning that my Husband had not the least Inckling thereof. When I had dis∣posed all things in due manner, I went out of the House about Three of the Clock in the Night, told the Watch I met with, that I had been at a Womans Labour, without making known to the Widow, that I had a Design to return thither once again, as I thought I was obliged to do for the bet∣ter securing my Honour. I only told her, that she should dissemble her ever having seen me, not only to my Husband, but al∣so to all others who had been in my Com∣pany.

But when I had pass'd through two Streets by the Watch in this manner in the Dark, I ask'd one of the Watch if he would guard me home to my House; which I did for a reason I am going to inform my Reader of immediately. This Fellow took immediately his Lanthorn, and without making any further Enquiry while we were going along, and were both talking of several Adventures, I ask'd him if he would do me a piece of Service, assuring him, that I would honestly reward him. I added, that he would have nothing more to do, than to come about Five a Clock to the House I

would show him, and tell the person who should open him the Door, that he must of necessity speak to me in private. He promised me he would not fail upon Con∣dition I would pay him well for his Pains.

Then I opened the Door as gently as was possible for me to do; where after having in great haste put all things into good Order, I went to Bed with neither more nor less Concern than if I had lain there all the Night long. No sooner had it struck Five, than that the aforesaid Watch∣man came knocking to some purpose at our Door, without the poor man's knowing of any other Message he had to do there; for I made no other Declaration to him of the Business; but that he was to speak to me in private, and that he was to do it without any Body's being by. I had a Bell hanging by my Bed side, which I rang so long, until that one of the Maids got up, and asked me what I wanted? I told her, that I heard a strange knocking at the Door, and that she was to go, and see who it was that made such a Noise. Betty, so was the Maid called, came back preently to my Cham∣ber, and told me, that there was one of the Watch at the Door, who said, that he had something of Moment to acquaint me

with; but that as it was still very dark she durst not open the Door. What a Fool you are, said I to her, what hurt is there to fear from Persons who are set on purpose to hinder others from committing any mis∣chief. Open the Door, added I, you fright∣ful Fool you, and let us hear what this man has to say. Whereupon the Watchman was let into the House, and then into my Room, where, according to the Order he had, he would not utter a word until I had put the Maid out. When I thought he had been there long enough to have told a Mes∣sage of some Business of Importance, I gave him some Money to drink; and all un∣drest as I was in my Night-Gown, I led him out of the Door. Ah Heavens! cried I, as soon as ever he was gone, wringing my hands, and letting abundance of Tears trickle down my Cheeks, Is it possible, is it possible, said I again, that such Actions should remain unpunished! It is a Prodigy, added I, that the Earth does not open to swallow up all alive those who commit such Abominations: And thereupon pour∣ing forth again a Torrent of Tears, I made my Looks seem such that it might have been painted for the Face of Sadness it self. In the mean while Betty considered me as a distracted Person, not knowing what to

think of so suddain an Affliction. The Noise I made obliged the other Maid to come running to me, and seeing her Mi∣stress in so lamentable a pickle she began at first to ask what the matter was; what it was that rendred me so sad and so void of Comfort: But I let her ask the same thing ten times over, before I made her any Answer: Howling in the mean while after such a Rate, as if I had been in the greatest Affliction imaginable. My dear Girles, said I to them at length, do not wonder to see me grieve at this rate: I have word just now brought me, that my Husband, whom we thought gone to Nor∣thampton, is in Bed with a Strumpet; and in the mean while he daily blames and scolds at me, that we gain nothing by our Trade. Ah! Madam, said Betty, you must not lay all things thus to heart: Perhaps that some of your Enemies have set on foot this Rumor only to grieve and vex you: I would not believe it, continued she, un∣less I had seen it with mine own Eyes: There is probability enough of it's being so, replied I, for I am told the very place, insomuch that we cannot be mistaken: Let us but go thither immediately; for it is im∣possible for me to live any longer in the Uncertainty of this Business: Thereupon I

bid Betty dress her, as I did my self, and thus at Break of Day we went together to Drury Lane.

As soon as the Landlady had opened the Door, I gave her a wink, which served for a Signal, that she should not contradict her self; and at the same time turning to∣wards my Maid, I ask'd her if we had hit the right place, and if there was any need of enquiring any farther? The Landlady looked fixedly upon me, just like a Ninny∣hammer, not knowing what to think of my Proceedings. In the mean time up Stairs we went, where my brave Spark was asleep with a Damosel lying by his Side. What do you think, Betty, said I to my Maid, and am I now in the wrong? And could you ever have believed that this Rogue should so violate the Oath of Fidelity; and dost thou not see that by his disorderly Life I shall at length be reduced to Pover∣ty and Begging? Ah, pursued I, how wretched are women when they have such Husbands! Ah, how great is their Folly, and their Error, when they believe the Pro∣testations of these deceitful men, who exalt above the Clouds that pretended Affection wherewith they flatter the poor Sex! These words were still accompanied with many other Lamentations, and made such a noise

that they awaked my Husband; who with his Eyes half open, and seeing me as one drest, and by his Bed Side with my Maid; and seeing also another Woman lying by him, was in such a Maze, that he could hard¦ly utter a word. He look'd upon her inces∣santly, and lifted up his Eyes towards Heaven, as it were to have Compassion of his miserable Condition. Well Spark, well Gallant, said I to him, seizing him by the Sleeve, there needed not much time to fi∣nish your Journey, since the places are no farther distant than our House. But, added I, we shall take care henceforward, with the good Pleasure of God, I shall prevent this Damosels possessing my place, though, pursued I, the best course would be that I troubled my self no farther, but absent my self from you. By that means I shall avoid the Danger there is of being infected with some filthy contagious Disease, which such a Life as you lead must infallibly plunge you into sooner or later. In the mean while my Husband leap'd out of Bed, and called the Maid aside, whom he ask'd where I had lain that Night, while I pretended to scold with the Wench and Landlady, who were no less frighted than if the Sky had fallen upon their heads.

That poor silly Maid, who was not o∣ver well acquainted with my Tricks, pro∣tested to him upon her Conscience, that I had been all the Night long in Bed at our House, and began to relate to him after what manner we had had Notice of this Affair. He was a long while without uttering so much as a word, holding his Eyes fixed upon the Floor; but at length he lifted them up to look upon me after a terrible manner. I am, said he then, I am deceived on the one side or other; however, I do really fancy, that I heard your Voice more than once this Night; but, added he at length, I ought to have considered on your Bitchery before I married you; But you may well fear the Effects of my just Anger, if ever I catch you in a Fault; and for your parts, said he, turning towards the landlady and the Whore, who had lain with him, you shall know in a short time, that I have practi∣sed the world too well not to be jilted and laugh'd at with Impunity. Thereupon he put on his Sword, and went out of the Bawdy-house, without giving Ear to a word more, which I was not very sorry for, because I was still in the greatest Dis∣quiet imaginable, fearing the Widow or Whore would come to contradict them∣selves; and for my part, that I might no

longer be exposed, I thought convenient to follow my Husband's Example, insomuch that I left those two women in so great an Amazement, that I do not believe, that they ever were in such a Condition.

Being returned home, I found my Hus∣band in the Shop, leaning upon one of his Arms, and full of so many Thoughts, that he took Notice neither of me nor the Maid; but a Volley of injurious Language and Curses which I flung in his Teeth, quickly awaked him out of his Dumps; yet as he had reason enough to take another Course (for as I have already told you, he had heard me rail against him more than once) he held his Peace, and went behind the Counter: But his Looks made me sufficiently observe, that he had not an over firm Belief, that I had passed that Night in our House. I after∣wards took incredible Pains to learn who it was that had carried my Husband into that Place; But I could not discover it till a long time after, when that by chance I found a Letter that cleared the Business, and which the Reader shall be acquainted with in the Sequel of this History. After this Adventure we were about three weeks with∣out setting our Horses together: But to confess the Truth, it was not that I was afraid of any Venereal Infection, My only

Disquiet, was, that one Night or other he would play me some Prank, which I should keep the Remembrance of all the rest of my Life. However we terminated at length our Quarrel, and the two Parties were a∣gain reconciled to one another: But the first Night of our Re-union was not so well solemnized as my Husband had done when we lay together at another Lodging in Drury Lane, tho' I infallibly believe there was no other Cause that obliged him to make then so great an Effort, than to hin∣der me from having any Suspicion, and to reward me afterwards to some Purpose for those willing and vigorous Repartees.

Perhaps that some innocent Creature will imagine, that the Constitution of his Thing, and his way of Performing should have made me sensible with whom I had to do: most of those filly Maidens may be pleased to know, that there are so many of those Instrumets which resemble one ano∣ther in Length and Bigness, that there is no great Reliance to be had thereupon; and that you may not be obliged to believe me alone, enquire of all those brave Women, who abandon themselves sometimes to o∣thers than their Husbands, they will un∣doubtedly affirm the same thing, unless they are desirous to disown what they are

and what they do. Since that dear Night with which far from gaining me a conside∣rable Sum of Money, as I had been made to hope for, had made me disburse sufficient to have purchased those two above mentio∣ned Women, I durst not set my Foot again into that house; and I had very seldom the opportunity to go into other Places, by reason my Husband seldom let me go out without having some body to keep me Company. This way of Living, was ve∣ry tedious and troublesome to my humor; and yet I was constrained to submit to it if I intended to make my Husband believe that I played him no foul play. In the mean while my Lovers were continually poaching about our house, which was the greatest Punishment to me in the World: For be∣sides my knowing how to make my Mar∣kets with them, there were some of 'em whose Embraces pleas'd me much more than those of my own Husband, who dai∣ly became more and more insupportable to me: Yet at length I had an Opportunity to have an amorous Ticket delivered to two of them, frm whom in a little time I had gained by my Service a passable Sum of money. Whereupon I wrote to him, that the day following between eleven and twelve, I would meet him at a certain Ta∣vern

in Covent Garden, which had the Re∣putation of a Civil House, and was so in∣deed to Ladies, and a great Nursery of Gallantry.

I had several times been in this Tavern with that Gentleman, to whom I was well assured they would not refuse him any Con∣veniencies, by reason they could not in any wise tax him of being stingy and avaricious. Besides, the appointment of this Rendez∣vouz, I set down to him the manner after which he was to comport himself in this Juncture of Affairs, adding to him, that I expected no Answer from him, that so we might not be hinder'd in the Prosecu∣tion of the Design I had.

The day after I pretended going to the Market, and my Husband having sent one of the Maids with me, according to his Custom; we walked very modestly along, till we came just before the Tavern, where I was sure my honest Spark had taken all the necessary Orders; as we also found in the twinckling of an Eye: For a Drawer and one of the Maids were before the Door, where they made a Shew of tickling one another; but another Drawer in the Balco∣ny, pretending as if he did it to spoil their Sport, powred upon us a Chamber-Pot full of Water, insomuch that it ran from our

Heads to our Toes. I turned my self imme∣diately, and tho' I had given order for this in my Letter, yet I made so horrible a Clamour, that in a Moment there were a∣bove Fifty persons before the Door.

In the mean while the Landlady came out to me, and desired me with the most Civil words imaginable, that I would do her the Honour to go into her House, saying, that she was extreamly sorry that the Draw∣er, by a piece of insolence, which neverthe∣less he should pay dear for, had brought that Mischance upon my Head. At first I seem'd wholly averse to make use of her offer; but at length my Cloaths were so wet, that I made a Shew of finding my self forced to accept of it. I went into the House, and so into a little Room, where Faggots were immediately lighted. Pre∣sently after I sent my Maid home, tho' she was little drier than my self, that she might go fetch me other Aparrel; which she could not do, nor put on fresh Cloaths her self in less than an hours time. The poor Crea∣ture trembled with Cold, and would wil∣lingly have staid by the Fire a little longer; but I thought not convenient to defer any longer such precious moments.

As soon as this Creature was gone, I was lead into another Chamber, where my Gal∣lant

who had almost split his Sides with laughing (considering the good Success of this Enterprise) waited for me with ex∣tream Patience, and without amuzing our selves, and losing of time, in making a great number of impertinent Complements, and ridiculous Chatterings: For not only Hours, but Minutes were precious to us at that time: We got upon our Bed, and did our Business at so swinging a Rate, that that day I was no less sprinkled within than without—

After we had spent above half an hour in taking our Pleasures, I took my leave for to withdraw into my little Room; where having found the Woman of the house, who had all the while stood Senti∣nel, I sate down with her by the Fire, un∣til that my Maid brought me other Cloaths.

Tho' my Husband in his Youth had much frequented the voluptuous Sinks, yet he knew not at this time, that this Affair had been contrived in this manner, by rea∣son that he had never known this Tavern otherwise than a house where the People would not have in any manner suffered such things to be committed: And he was not the only Person herein deceived, but all those too who ever haunted that House.

For all was done then with so much Tran∣quility, that the least thing could never have been perceived; and before they let you know of that Conveniency, they must have found you persons liberal, and such as might be trusted and confided in: But at present the Vintners of the principal Ta∣verns are not so scrupulous; and tho' they know with what Design a Man and Wo∣man comes to their House, yet they will not refuse them a Room: So that we may with Justice say that most of the Ta∣verns in London are at present Bawdy∣houses; and that there is no difference be∣tween them and Bawdy honses, than that there they ask you no Money for the use of the Bed.

A little after this Adventure, as I was going one morning up into our Garret, I found a Letter upon the Stairs, just by my Husband's Study, which without doubt he had by chance let fall out of his Pocket. Curiosity made me open it without think∣ing however that I should find therein something of Importance; but I was much surprized, and strangely amazed when I saw that it contained what follows in very good and expressive Characters.

Sir,

I Was very much grieved when I saw you married to that Woman who is at present your Wife; but I was much more concerned, when I heard she Jilted you all manner of Ways. If you are willing to be perfectly in∣formed as to this Affair, get by one means or other to a certain Widows House, called Mrs. G— in Drury-Lane, and be assured, that by the help of Money you will come to the Knowledge of more than you desire. I do not tell you how you are to comport your self in such Encounters, since you have had sufficient Experience of 'em, not to want Cun∣ning in those Occasions. Neither did I think it convenient to discourse you by word of mouth, fearing it might put you out of Countenance. Believe only, that as I am your Friend, so I love to keep things secret: Provide against this Disorder the soonest you can possibly.

I remained very much troubled when I had read this Letter, and then was out of the Doubt and Suspence I had so long been in: For I had applyed my Thoughts to a thousand things for the endeavouring to discover what it was that could have brought my Husband to the forementioned place: But at the same time I took also the

Resolution of being so reveng'd at one time or other, that this Tale-bearer should remember it for a long time: For it was not necessary to see the Name, since I had received several from the same hand, as well before, as since the day of my Mar∣riage, tho' there had been a falling out be∣tween us for some time, because he would have enjoyed my Body without being at a∣ny Charges, which is a thing I could very rarely be brought to; and undoubtedly Spite and Vexation had inspired him with this Genteel Pranck.

As soon as I was got down again I flung this Letter into the Fire, not being willing to put it up; and besides, I was afraid if I had kept it, it might have been found a∣bout me, which would have been taken for a Sign that I was not at all concern'd at it. In the mean while I lost no occasion of playing my part sometimes, tho' all the manner of Stratagems which I put in Pra∣ctice had not over often a happy Success: Wherefore I wrote a Letter to that Spark who had so swingingly besprinkled me, and for whom I had without Dissimula∣tion a great deal more Affection than for my own Husband; and I gave him to un∣derstand, that he should make use of all

manner of means to insinuate himself into the Esteem and Friendship of my Husband; For I was in hopes that by so doing, he would furnish me at least with the Satisfa∣ction of seeing him oftner than I had then the Opportunity: To which I was incli∣ned with so much the more Passion, in that I promised my self to find his Visits infallibly followed by some Presents, which he would be obliged to make me for to pur∣chase the more of my Heart and Affection: For it is a certain thing, that Money is the most Powerful means to make a Conquest over a Womans Heart. This Friendship was no very difficult matter to contract, seeing I had acquired this Lover at the time of our Wedding; and by consequence my Husband could not be prepossessed with a∣ny ill Opinion of him. And indeed I quickly saw him seated at our Table, and afterwards he frequented our house with so much Familiarity as one of the nearest Relations, to which the Wife he had con∣tributed very much, because that she was not ugly; and that he for his, part knew how to comport himself with so moderate a Reservedness, as if he had been of the Number of those who keep the Great Turk's Concubines. This Friendship aug∣mented

to such a Pitch, that he frequently brought his Wife to our House, that he might make my Husband so much the less suspect that he came with any Design upon me.

This Acquaintance of ours had lasted a∣bout four Months, and during all that space of time he had hardly had so many Oppor∣tunites to testifie to me his Love as there had been Months passed. One certain Af∣ternoon, as we were sitting talking in the Parlour after Dinner, some Merchants ha∣ving a mind to see some Rolls of Tobacco, sent for my Husband out. Immediate∣ly my Lover flew and took me about the Neck, and kissed me with so much Fer∣vency and Eagerness, that his whole Body was seized with a Shivering; and not ex∣pecting that my Patron would return so soon, we began a Game which had like to have cost us our Lives: For we had hard∣ly half done the Feat, when my Husband, who was not entirely cured of his Jealou∣sie, came in softly behind us, and found us in the Posture of one upon the other. Cur∣sed Whore, said he, as soon as he was got into the Room, I have now at length caught thee at what I so long watched for; But, added he, you two shall not go glory with your having made this Bargain; and then,

thrusting his hand into his Pocket, he would infallibly have effected his Word, if my Servant had not taken me off his Knee, and leap'd upon him. Certainly when I think still of that Combat, tho' at that time I was under the saddest Affliction imagi∣nable, I cannot forbear laughing; for that my Lover not having time sufficient to put himself in Order, his Shirt hung out of his Breeches, and what with that, and o∣ther thing of greater Consequence that was to be seen, it was the pleasantest Sight that ever my Eyes saw.

The two combating Parties fell at length so violently to work, and struggled so hard, that at last they fell over one ano∣ther, which gave me room enough to e∣scape out of the Parlour, wherein I had till then expected every moment to have had my Throat Cut. I ran in all haste to the Room where we lay, where I took in all haste a little Trunck, in which was my Jewels: For not being willing to forget them in such a Necessity, I seized on them with all speed, and decamped from the House, and withdrew to the Room which I had always kept, and sent for the Chy∣rurgion, that he might let me Blood: For I had been in that Emotion, that I did not

doubt but to fall into some great Fit of Sickness by reason thereof: But no sooner were some ounces of Blood taken from me, than that I found my self very much at ease, and within a day or two after I was as brisk as I had been before.

There were several reasons which made me think it convenient after three or four days to abandon that Room, and to take a House where I might be something far∣ther distant from the Eyes of my Husband: For when I thought but of him I trembled for Fear: Whereupon I took a House in York Buildings, which tho' it were near the Court, and therefore as the World goes, now one should think not over-charged with; yet as Persons of Quality and E∣state flock about that end of the Town; yet as I had the Art of Jilting to Perfecti∣on, I was in hopes my Gains would be pretty considerable in those Quarters.

But the Truth is, when I make Refle∣ction upon the Disquiet which attends those who lead a disorderly Life, I cannot suf∣ficiently admire that there are Persons who commit such Sins, without being obliged thereto by Necessity: For to see a Woman abandon her self to Pleasure, for the main∣taining her self in a handsome Estate and

Condition; and who has not nevertheless the Conveniencies, is methinks in some manner worthy of being excused, because that Poverty is a very terrible thing; and besides it is very troublesome, nay, almost insupportable for Persons who have been well bred and born, when they are con∣strain'd to subject themselves to go to Ser∣vice; but as for those Women who give themselves to those villanous Abominations, when Misery does not force them so to do, Methinks there is nothing in the World that merits more Blame and Chastisement; and tho' I have liv'd my self after the same manner that I now give the Relation of, yet I can declare to you, that I would not counsel others to follow my Example, if they are willing to have their Minds at Peace and Quiet: For when you are once engaged in Marriage, if you violate the Faith you have promised, I assure you that you lose all the Pleasure, thro' Disquiet, in doing a thing which ought to be done without any Fear. Quite on the contrary we all find real Pleasures in the practise of Vertue, it maintains the Mind in an agree∣able Tranquility: It fills the Soul with an Interiour Joy. It— But hold! I shall presently fall into a Province that I am not

very well acquainted with: For not to lye, it is not long since I have made Profession of being vertuous; and perhaps I should not yet say a word of the Care and trou∣ble, if I had still that Beauty which I was endued with formerly: But I think it con∣venient to pawse a while upon this Point, not to give the Reader an Occasion to have too good, or too ill an Opinion of my Life.

But as soon as I was got into Possession of my new Quarters, I bethought my self of going to learn what had been the Issue of the Battel between my Lover and my Husband: Whereupon I went one Morning betimes to a Tavern near my Lover's Ha∣bitation, and sent him a Letter by the Draw∣er, that if he could not come convenient∣ly to me there, he should nevertheless not fail of coming to my Lodging that same day, telling him in the Letter where it was.

The Drawer acquitted himself dexte∣rously of his Message; but some Affairs hindering my Spark at that time, he sent me word, that my Commands should be performed in the other place. Where∣upon I returned home, not in the least doubting but that my Enterprize would

be attended with the effect I expected.

Towards the Evening this honest Gen∣tleman came to my Lodging, and after some amorous Embraces, I asked him how he had disingaged himself from the fore∣mentioned Disorder? He made me Answer, that he had got the Victory over his An∣tagonist. But, pursued he, when your Hus∣band knew that you had made your E∣scape, and that he had not Strength e∣nough to overcome me, he cried out so long for help, that at length I heard some of his Workmen coming down Stairs, which put me into such a Fright, that away got I out of the House, without so much as thinking of taking my Cloak along with me: For the Servants were already almost at the Bottom: the Maid who was in the Shop, thinking she could stop me; but ta∣king her by the Arm, and flinging her in∣to a Corner, I got into the Street, and ta∣king a Coach, I went to the Half Moon Tavern in the Strand, whither I sent for some of my Friends, and so past away my time till it was late, when coming home to my House, I found that your Husband had been already there; so that my Wife made me the finest Speech that was ever read in any History. I would willingly have disown∣ed

the Matter; but having been forced to leave my Cloak in the Hurry, and that your Husband had brought it to our house with weeping Eyes, my Wife would not have given the least Credit to my Discourse; but this Storme is almost already wholly appeas'd: Nevertheless, have a Care on both Sides, continued he, for my Wife has vowed your Ruine, as well as your Hus∣band.

But as I was so far out of their Reach, these Menaces produced so little Effect in my heart, that I was not in the least pa∣ler or redder; and far from having any Fear, I desired my Gallant to continue to me his Visits with all manner of Boldness, for which we had, methoughts both of us sufficient Reasons, since we had both been in the same Peril; and indeed he was not neg∣ligentin the Execution of this order: For he came to see me almost every day, and paid me so liberally for the Favours he had obtained from me, that during all the time he frequented me, I had not any reason to complain of his Generosity.

As I had already dwelt some time in that place, I began to think on him who had sent that cursed Letter to my Husband. I was considering how I could reward him

for his Pains, and I fancied I had at length found the Opportunity, he being married, as were most of my Lovers: I was not long contriving the means to effect this, before that I had managed my Design with so much Cunning, that he came at length to my House: For tho' he had play∣ed me that Prank, it was not for want of Love; but only by reason I would not comply with his covetous Humor.

I quickly began to make him believe by all the means imaginable, that I was so far transported with Love for him, that I could hardly live in his Absence; and because it is not handsome to exact money from Men for whom one has so strange an Inclinati∣on, I never spoke to him thereof, which was so pleasing to him, that I had him at least three times a Week at my House, in∣somuch, that he made his Wife several times believe that he was obliged to go out of Town, that so he might come and spend those Nights in my Company: To which I consented as willingly, as if I had had for him the most violent Passion in the World.

This familiar Frequentation had hardly lasted three months, when I perceived by all his Ways and Carriage that he began

to be weary of me; which I might easily have prevented, if I had but some times denied him, and shewn some Repugnance to the Business: For it is certain, when we grant all things to men, without ma∣king any Resistance, their Inclination will never be of long Continuance. On the con∣trary, a Refusal done with Cunning and Artifice re-inflames their amorous Passions, and makes 'em lavish all, so as they may but compass their Designs: For a Victory which is obtained without any Fatique, is not the most pleasant and agreeable; and tho' they often do well enough see, espe∣cially if they be sharpers and Cunning Gal∣lants, that these Denyals are only coun∣terfeited, yet they will be a thousand times more desirous of the Embraces of those Women, who knew how to behave them∣selves with Art in that respect, than they are towards those who like Hackneys, are always ready to let men mount upon them; but my Intention was not always to keep this Spark; and therefore I lived with him after a quite different manner, than I did with those whom I only loved for Pro∣fit's sake.

At first I complained very much of his Indifferency towards me; and reproached him, that he must of all necessity have to do with some other to whom he payed his Vows and Incense; and tho' the Oaths he made gave me sufficiently to understand, that what I said was not true, I could suf∣ficiently comprehend, that he would not be over scrupulous at making his Addresses to another. As soon as I had made this Remarque, I thought it was time to put my Design in Execution: For that Pur∣pose I kept at my house for two days toge∣ther a very pretty Nymph, upon Conditi∣on she would be faithful to me in all things: Whereupon I promised her a handsome Reward besides what she could obtain from him: When then that Alderman B— (so was the Name and Title of him for whom all these Preparations were made) came again to my house: He asked me, strangely smitten, who that pretty Crea∣ture was; and if that Damosel was to dwell with me? I told him yes, and that it was one of my Neeces, whom I had taken to keep me Company. To make short, I pretended to have some Business to do a∣broad; and so pack'd out of the Room, that he might have an opportunity to dis∣course

her, and he was so inflam'd in that Conversation, that when I came back a∣bove three hours after, I found him still in her Company. At Night she told me that he had courted her for you know what, but that according to my Order, she had showed her self somewhat disdainful, yet without making him lose all hopes.

The Alderman was much more passion∣ate for this Wench than for me, insomuch that within the space of a Week, he came six times to my Lodging; and during that time he had contracted such a Familiarity with this Daughter of Venus, according to the opportunities that I had given them, that methought the time was come to ac∣complish what I had projected to do where∣upon I one day told him, that three days afterwards I was to be at Windsor, and that I should stay there a day or two. But that there might be the more probability in the Design of this Journey, I told him a Story which would really have required my Presence of an absolute Necessity. In the mean while I pretended to have some other Affairs in the Chamber where I lay, inso∣much that the two Parties had the Leisure to conclude their Bargain, as I had order∣ed the matter, for the passing those two

Nights together that I was to be absent. He protested, that she should meet with such an Acknowledgment as should be much more considerable than she imagined; and that his words might find the better Cre∣dit, he had already let a Guiney slip down her Breast, because the poor Innocent did really believe she was a Virgin, or at least that she had been but very little used, tho' she had maintained her self for four years only by the labour of that Calling; and if we may believe the Testimonies of some brave Persons, she understood her self bet∣ter in those Affairs than can be expected from a Maiden as was but newly come out of her Parents Kitchin.

When that the day appointed was come, I told my pretended Neece, that she should neither lock nor bolt the Door: For that I hoped to return home at twelve a Clock at Night, and that then I would teach her a way how to appropriate to our selves the Alderman's golden Purse. Thereupon I departed; but not for Windsor: But went directly to an Officer in the Spiritual Court, and told him, that if he would give me a fourth part, as I was informed the Custom was, I would deliver to him that Night a married Man, and a considerable Citizen,

from whom there would be a swinging Sum of Money to be got. This Officer was pre∣sently ready, and having given me his hand, he promised me that I should have the half exactly. After which I told him who the Person was upon whom we were to exe∣cute our Designs, as also his whole Estate, the Trade he drove, and all that was ne∣cessary, that so when he came to make the Agreement, he might not be too hasty to conclude the Bargain. Moreover, I told him, that about Midnight I would return to his house, to go afterwards both toge∣ther to mine, and surprize the Bird there in his Nest.

It had hardly struck twelve when I got again to his House which this Officer, who was a great Lover of Money, was no soon∣er informed of than that we began to set forwards on our way, and came at about half an hour past Twelve at my House; where in we went so gently, that it was impossible for us to be heard: Then I lighted a Candle, and went up Stairs with the Officer, while that one of his Serjeants staid in the Kitching, and the other at the Door. We found our Lovers lying folded in one anothers Arms, and reposing so peaceably, that it seem'd almost Pity to in∣terrupt

their Sleep. But as I have never been subject to a silly Compassion for men, I advanced towards the Bed-side; and ha∣ving pull'd him by the Arm so long as that he awaked. Mr. Alderman, said I to him, if I had known you would have kept my house so well, I should not have returned so soon. The Alderman rubbed his Eyes to dissipate the Sleep, and seem'd very much amazed to hear my Voice; but he was much more surprized when the Officer told him, that he should be his Prisoner for that time, if he pleased, since that ha∣ving a Wife in Marriage, he proceeded to have to do with another Woman. Jane, who in the mean while awaked upon this Noise, trembled for Amazement when she saw this Officer before her: For she knew not that I had done this Business with a set Design; and I had not declared it to her, for that I was not well enough assu∣red, that she would be contented to go through with it; and besides that, tho' she had consented to it, she might have suffered her self to be corrupted, and have discovered all to her Lover for a reasonable Sum of Money: For there is no great Stress to be laid upon the Words and Oaths of Wenches or Wives, who get their Living

by their Bums. The Alderman not being ignorant that such Affairs may be termina∣ted by a Sum of Money, leap'd out of Bed as soon as he was somewhat recollected from his first Amazement, and desired the Officer that he would allow him to speak a word in private with him: Whereupon I went below Stairs with Jane, and with∣in a quarter of an hour, after there had been some Contest between them, I was called above with a Pen and Ink; and I saw the poor Devil, who signed a Bond of an hundred Pound, which he was to pay in a Fornights time. Thereupon the Offi∣cer was thinking of being gone, when that the Alderman, whose Fury sparkled in his Eyes, would infallibly have broke my Neck; wherefore I desired this honest Gen∣tleman to take the Alderman along with him; and this last was forced to go along, tho' he would willingly have done some∣what else. When they were out of the Door, I put a Letter into this unhappy Lo∣ver's Hands, wherein I related to him am∣ply with the most bitter words imaginable, for what reason I had served him this Trick. I would couch that Letter here; but that I am afraid by reason of its Length, it would not give overmuch Satisfaction to those

should read it. I shall desist there from, and fill the Sheets I have still left with some mat∣ter of more importance.

Tho' poor Jenny had practiced this Trade, as long as is before mentioned, she was so concerned at the Officers un-fore∣seen Presence, and so much the more, as the she had been found in Bed with a man, which is commonly rewarded with a Bride∣well the Purgatory of Whores, that the day following she was taken with a violent Fever, which moved me so to Compassion, by reason I could not deny but that I was the Cause thereof, that fifteen days after, having received my Part or Portion of the Booty, I gave her the half thereof, which was so powerful a Cordial and Remedy to that fair Damosel in her Sickness, that in a short time she recovered her former Health and Beauty.

Tho' this Action of Revenge had been very much to my Advantage, yet after∣wards I would have given more than I got by it, that I had managed the Affairs in such a manner, as that he might have been seized on in another House: For this Officer, who could gladly have wish'd, that I would from time to time have put a Gal∣lant of this kind into his hand began to be

very troublesome to me, insomuch that he threatned me, that in case I did not do him other Services, he would make the Town too little for me. Wherefore for this Reason, and two others more, for I had heard my Husband was informed of the place of my Abode; and that he only sought for an Oc∣casion to have me catch'd by one or other, In the third place I was very much afraid the Alderman would set one or other to spie me by Night: Whereupon I found my self obliged to decamp from the City, and to seek for my Abode out of its Juris∣diction: And in a few Days after I took a House near Fulham, hard by the High Way that goes to Windsor; and went to dwell there with a Maid, making Jane be∣lieve that I was going for Norfolk: For as she was young and beautiful, her Presence would have caused too much Prejudice to my Commerce; and moreover I had also taken notice, that there were two more of my Gallants whom she had supplanted me of. The Desire of Revenge must with∣out doubt have darkened my Eyes at that time: For I believe there is nothing more miserable to see, than an Officer of Justice before our Eyes, upon whose Account we are oblig'd to trouble and disturb honest

People, when at the same time we would willingly keep our Friends; and indeed I ought to have had then the same thoughts; but as no body is always wise and pudent, I imagined that the Business would be done, but found quite the contrary: For those Gentlemen resemble Horse-Leeches, and never leave sucking their Prey, as long as they find the least Humidity.

But when I was entred with my Maid into my new Quarters, and had set all things in due Order, which kept me several days employed: For as I was a Damosel of such a Quality, I became something coy and haughty. I compleated my Affairs so well, that I got to speak with three or four of my best Gallants, to whom I made known in what place I had set up my Stan∣ding: these did not in the least fail to be there upon occasion, which they might do with∣out any Apprehension: For indeed they had no reason to fear the Neighbours should spie them: For I was in somewhat a solitary place, and for many days toge∣ther I saw no body but my Maid and my Dog, which did not ill resemble that Cer∣berus the Poets so much talk of; the on∣ly difference was, that my Dog had not three Heads like him.

Amongst these Blades there was one who, after I had dwelt there for some time, brought with him a certain Spark of about thirty seven, or thirty eight years old, that he might be made Partaker of my Favors. At the first I pretended to be somewhat shy and scrupulous, neither more nor less than if I was not over desirous that others should come to see me; whereas, on the contrary, I could very well allow of all those who made no difficulty to spend their Money: I grumbled at him who had brought this Stranger to my House; but as this pettish Humor was only a Fiction, it did not last long; and within a few days this new comer was as welcome to me as the rest: For the kindness he obtained from me was pretty dearly paid for: But after some weeks were past over, I percei∣ved I had made a wrong Judgment, when I imagin'd, that in regard of Liberality, he was a man that did not yield in the least to his Companions: For when he fancied, by reason I caressed him so extreamly, that I was as much smitten with him as he was with me: He began to flatter himself that he was no longer bound to give me Mo∣ney, and would willingly have obliged me to have discarded all the rest, that he a∣lone

might have had the Enjoyment of my Person. I was extreamly displeased at this Carriage of his, yet let him not know it by the least word; but I took a firm Reso∣lution, that upon the first opportunity I would play him a Pranck, which should be sufficient to furnish my Maintenance for the space of a Month.

Do but, I beseech you, take notice of the ingratitude that all these Men are guilty of: This fine Gallant had obtained of another the Favour of being brought to my House; and as soon as his Crotchets had made him fancy, that he was pretty deeply rooted in my Heart, he would willingly have recom∣pensed him to whom he had this Obligati∣on, by having him banished from a house that he had frequented for so long a time. When I consider well on all these things, I find my self wholly amazed at the Disor∣der wherein Men have been for so many A∣ges, when they have described the Vices under the Figure of Women, seeing the Men are therewith every where infected, I will say no more; but at least as much as we, poor innocent Creatures as we are: For who would not be of my Opinion, that we ought to represent Pride as a young wanton Youth, since we see a number of

those Sparks swarm at present about Lon∣don, whose Bodies are strait laced, that they may acquire a long and handsome Shape. And they not only amuse themselves in such villainous Trifles; but I know some also, who, like women, make use of Spanish Paper to give a red Colour to their Cheeks: And thus beribbon'd, painted and curl'd, do these 'Squires strut it about the Streets.

I had a Design for at least three Months together to make a Cully of Florian (for so was the name of this Gallant; or at least so shall he here be called, before that I could ever find the Opportunity for so doing; and perhaps I might still have waited a pretty while if he had not given it me himself; and behold after what manner: Coming one morning to my House very early, he related to me, that he had some Affairs which obliged him to be at King∣stone for a day or two, having some Mer∣chandise to dispose of there. He desired me at the same time I would keep him Company in Quality of his Wife, without one moments Delay. I chuck'd him under the Chin, and embrac'd this poor man after a very amorous manner. You know very well my dear Angel, said I to him, that I can refuse you nothing, so strong is the Love I

bear you: These words were followed with some Kisses, which insinuated me so far into his good Opinion, that he did not in any wise doubt but that I was mortally smitten with Love for him.

When we had attained to the day ap∣pointed for our Journey, Florian came with a Hackney Coach to my Door, from whence we departed for Putney, and so to Kingstone. where we took up our Inn near the Market Place: After we had refreshed our selves with a Bit and a Glass, the Land∣lady asked if she should make ready one or two Beds for us? We are very well con∣tented with one when we are at London, Landlady, answered my Servant; and by consequence there needs no more here. Thus the poor Woman, thinking we were married together, garnished but one Bed, which wemade so hard that night with our petulant Members, that it less resembled a Feather-Bed than a Seaman's Quilt. The Day after Florian went out to dispatch his Business, and received about fifty or three∣score Pounds. While we were upon the way, he had informed me of all his Af∣fairs as amply as was requisite for the bring∣ing about my Enterprize. Thus he came about Noon to our Inn, and having given

his money to the Landlord to keep, we went to Dinner, and spent the rest of the day in seeing the Town; But my good or malicious Reader, for I know not which I have to doe with, not to importune you any longer with a great number of Cir∣cumstances, know that after my Lover was gone out the next morning, I sent for a Silk-Mercer that was there in Town, and having bought of his goods, as much as came to ten pounds, I desired the Landlord to give me my Husband's bag of money; he imagining that it was the same thing whether he gave it to me or to Florion, made not the least difficulty in the business. Whereupon I made use of the money to pay that Mercer, and delivered the rest to the Landlord to lock up again, for my In∣tention was not to deprive him of all the sum, tho' I might have done it very easily if I had not been afraid of some ill conse∣quence; but I only designed to be paid for the use of my Body, and as he had not had the Civility to do it, I thought I should have been a very great fool if I had not made use of the power I had in hand. Poor Florion was no sooner returned to the Inn than that he asked me with a meen full of a∣stonishment to whom that Silk belonged, or

I was so busie with it that he could easily perceive I had some concern therein. It belongs to us, my dear heart, answered I him in the presence of the Inkeeper and his Wife; you know you promised me a new Gown a long while ago: Florion became as pale as Death, and having asked me with what I had payed for it, I told him the truth, insomuch that he could hardly for∣bear unravelling the whole Mystery, so vex∣ed was he at this loss which he had not in the least expected. He called me aside, told me that it was not handsomely done to make use of his money as if it had been my own without first knowing if it was his will and pleasure so to have it, and I ought first to have inquired if he should not have stood in need of it himself at Kingstone. How, Sir, said I to him, as soon as he had done speaking you shall notneed to be much concerned for your money, since as soon as we are got back to London, I will repay it you every farthing. And that you may not think that these are only vain words I will give you a Bond immediately for the perfor∣mance of what I say. I should never as long as I live have any good luck in a Gown, said I still, that was given me so unwil∣lingly.

Thereupon I called for a Pen and Ink. But Florion in his turn would needs act the Generous Man, because he fancyed that I had taken his procedure in very ill part, and was by consequence afraid he should be put out of my favour. Whereupon he sei∣zed me by the Arm, saying, that for the money that was no great matter, but that he had thought to have had made use of it himself, and that it had fallen out very un∣luckily, that I had taken so great a quanti∣ty of it, but nevertheless he knew how to provide against that Inconveniency; thus perceiving that this piece of cunning had succeeded well with me, I put my self in∣to a much more haughty posture, and would needs by all means give him a Bond, tho' I had not the least thought of restoring to him one farthing of his money, but it became me to carry high as if it was to show that I had an honorable Education, and that I stood in no need of money, insomuch that Florion seeing me, so out of humour, made use of all manner of flatteries to regain my Affection; imagining without doubt that for this money he should take his pleasures with me for a pretty while; but the poor man did not think that I made quite an o∣ther account; for it came into my Head

that we were then but two at play, and that if he meant to receive new favours, it was easie for him to judge that it was ne∣cessary for him to show new money, which presently after I gave him so well to under∣stand by new tricks and Artifices, that at length my Amorous Caresses seem'd too dear to him; Insomuch that he began to wean himself from me by little and little, for then he could easily see that it was not his Person but his money that I loved, and that I had only let him be free-cost some∣times that I might make him pay the dearer for my Merchandise.

Without lying I cannot forbear laughing when I think on those poor innocent Cul∣lies, who seeing themselves flattered and caressed by such a Nymph as I was at that time, imagine, when we do not speak to them of money every Bout, that they are the only Men who enjoy our Favour and Affection: Whereas on the contrary it is certain they may haunt Misses at a much cheaper Rate, when they know how they must pay every time, than those who have the Fancy, that they are the well-beloved, by reason they never hear 'em speak of re∣ward or recompence: For these Misses al∣ways stand in need of something; and if

one would have the enjoyment of their Bo∣dies, you cannot be so uncivil, unless you have a mind to lose that counterfeited kind∣ness, to refuse them the Favours they de∣mand; so much the more, as that these demands are accompanied with so many Kisses and Caresses, that it is hardly possi∣ble to refuse them; and those things are commonly so dearly sold, that the same Price would often buy Diamonds and Jew∣els; Here perhaps might an Objection be started, that these Misses are as sensible to love as others; and that by Consequence I do not establish my Opinion strong e∣nough, and perhaps some examples might be alledged to the Contrary; but these Sparks who are of this sentiment, may be pleased to know, that we seldome see those things done with sincerity, besides as that it is impossible to sound the Heart of a Wo∣man so as to lay any Foundation thereupon, and that there are those of that nature that when they seem to bear you the greatest love in the World, they hate you more than the Pleague at the bottom of their Hearts, and they only give you Testimonies of their good will to fleece you of your Wool, which you have no sooner lost, than that you will find, that you will be treated

after the same rate as a Prodigal Child. However I can easily perswade my self that a Miss who gets her livelyhood with her back Cheeks may grow enamoured, but yet I cannot believe that she will place her Incli∣nation upon one man who is of an Honou∣rable breeding, and of a reasonable Con∣versation, and especially at this time, when those who seek their maintenance in this commerce are Daughters of Orenge Wo∣men and the Billingsgate-crew, and by con∣sequence of a vile and base Education; these having bought a Gown or a Manteau which they find here and there in the Shops pass for Misses, and are imployed in that quality by one or other; but as their sorry Educa∣tion had used them to all manner of ill car∣riage and behaviour, and as by getting on a Gown and by sprucing themselves up fine they do not shake off those effects which are rooted in their Hearts, you must never expect that they will come to cast their Eyes upon a man of extraction, but upon some Clown or Bumpking whose Inside manners suit better with theirs; for it is a truth be∣yond all contest that the conformity of pas∣sions and courses of living do engender the greatest love, whereas I could here urge several examples if I had a mind to't, but

since that those Brutal passions do not de∣serve the Name of love, I shall advance in∣to other matters, and leave every one the freedome to have the opinion and belief he thinks best.

By this way of dealing, I mean by scra∣ping up money from Sparks by all imagi∣nable means, I now and then lost one of those whose Means were not sufficient nor rich enough to resist the insatiable avidity of my love towards money. Perhaps you will here think, my Reader, that I could not lose many Gallants, since I had already said that their number did but consist in three or four; but be pleased to know that this num∣ber did so wonderfully encrease in a year or two, that I could well spare some without remaining so destitute of Servants as Misses often do at present. What contributed very much to my happyness was, that then I did not shew my self so coy, so nice and scrupulous, for as I perceived that my Beauty and Youth began to perish by little and little, and that by consequence I fore∣saw that in the sequel of time I should not be so passionately nor so frequently sought after, I made use of all manner of diligence to provide for my self against Old Age that I might not be obliged to beg Alms.

Amongst those whom my Charms capti∣vated under my Laws, there was an Italian of about thirty years of Age, and in whose Person I had had a very good Gallant; for I never asked of him any thing but what he immediately gave me. But if I had known the Italians could have practised so great a dissimulation as they are used to do, I should have been much more cauti∣ous of him, tho' however I ought not to take the thing so very ill; for as it was my custome to deceive others, and as I should not have taken delight in seeing that men had been wanting to treat me with all man∣ner of respect and civility, methinks it is but just, likewise, that I forget what has been done to me, to which I find my self obliged with so much the more reason, as that I cannot say, that he stole from me more than I had got from him before. Yet it might well be that I should not speak so much of forgetting that pranck, if I had only the opportunity to pay him in the same Coyn, but by reason he returned to his own Country, he deprived me of the means of satisfying my desire of Revenge, other∣wise it should have been a wonderful Pro∣digy if I had been of so sedate a temper to be served such a trick; or I must at least have

lost the whole nature of the Female Sex; for this passion, namely the desire of revenge, takes its Birth jointly with the Females, and remain with them until that they have given up the last Gasp. But not to a∣maze our selves too long, I am going to tell you the whole matter.

He had frequented me for about half a year when that we took a journey together to Gravesend whither he said he was to go by reason a Ship was arrived there from Holland wherein he expected some Cloaths; on the morrow morning after we had lain together and enjoyed to our full the delights of love, he took my Pendants into his hand, for which my Husband had given forty pounds, and having considered them with great spe∣culation, they are something too plain said he to me with a smiling Countenance, for a fair Creature to whom I bear so much af∣fection, and thereupon calling the Land∣lord up into our Room, he asked him if he had not any acquaintance with some Je∣weller who could fit up a pair of fine Pen∣dants, the man made answer he had, and added that there was a Jeweller who fre∣quented his House from whom he might buy what he desired for as reasonable a price as of any other Merchant about London,

Jukomo (so was the Italians name) desi∣red him, immediately that he might be sent for, which was accordingly instantly performed; in the mean while I was so over∣joyed that my joy was apparent in my Eyes; for I expected no less then the value of six∣ty or seventy pounds, and I had still more hopes when I heard this deceitful Italian tell the Jeweller, that none of the Pendants he had brought along with him pleased him, tho' there were some perhaps worth four∣score pounds. Sir, answered the other, I have of all prizes, and if you please to take the pains to go along with me to my House, I do not doubt but that we shall agree upon the matter. I would willingly have gone along with them, but Jakomo would not consent to that, which made me fancy that he designed to make me a better Present than I expected. I had had this in my imagination for about half an hour, when that the Jeweller came back to our Inn to ask me for the Pendants which the Italian had undoubtedly left me only so long that I might so much the less perceive the design he had. I asked him what he in∣tended to do with them, and if they should have concluded the Bargain. It is only Ma∣dam, to see the bigness of them, who took

me without doubt for a Woman of great Quality, and as for what concerns the Bar∣gain, persued he, your Husband has offered me money for a pair, but he must still raise the Sum he offers. Yes, said I, but I hope you'l use him kindly. And thereupon I took off my Pendants, and wrapped them in a piece of Paper, and delivered them to him without any ill suspicion, since he came himself in Person to receive them, for to have confided them to any other, I should have made some scruple.

In the mean while, I expected some joy∣ful Tydings, but my Husband came not back to our Lodging. Yet I durst not at first seem to be uneasy, though my heart mis∣gave me strangely; but when it was past twelve, and that I saw no Body yet come back, I desired my Landlord that he would lead me to the Jewellers House; where I was no sooner come, than that he told me they could not agree upon the matter, for that my Husband, said the Jeweller to me, had only offered for a pair of Pendants, sixty pounds, which had cost him above Eighty.

I presently asked him what were become of mine; and having had for answer, that my Husband had taken them along with him, my Heart was as much troubled as if I had been seized with a violent Fever: Yet I durst not let any Sign thereof appear, both for that the Inkeeper was with me, and that we had lain together in his House, as if we had been Man and Wife: So that it would have been very improper to, have made a hurry for my Jewels, since that they had been put into my Husband's hands, or at least in his who was taken to be so; and on the other side, I had no reason since I had not forbid the Jeweller to give them to any other than my self. Thus we re∣turned to the Inn, and though I ought to have been well assured, that I should never see the Pendants or the Italian again, yet I continued to flatter my self a long time with such hopes, that he was perhaps, gone to some other Jewellers House: But at length seeing he came not home again at Night, I lost all Courage, my Tears gusht out in Tor∣rents accompanied with Sobs, while that my Landlady kept me Company, which she would undoubtedly have spared her self the trouble of, if she had known for what rea∣son I afflicted my self in that manner; but

the Poor Woman imagined, that if I so a∣bandoned my self to Sadness, it was for no other reason than for the absence of my Husband, to whom she fancied some Mis∣chance had happened. I stayed some days still at Gravesend, as a Person void of Com∣fort, as you may well think, and I ran through all parts of the Town inquiring af∣ter my Husband, in all the Inns and Ta∣verns, where I thought that he might be gone, but the Bird was already flown, so that I was at length constrained to return to my own Home. Being in the Boat, I i∣magined that I might easily come to the knowledge of the place of his Abode, by the means of the Person who brought him first of all to our House, and so get again what I had lost. I did not delay in the least to make use of this Way; but afterwards I wish'd heartily that this Thought had ne∣ver come into my head; for as soon as I had found out his Lodging, and had conceived some good hopes, I saw my self forced to renew my affliction, because his Landlord told me, that he had taken his leave of him four or five days before, to go to Gravesend and so into Holland, where he said, he had some business, and that from thence he in∣tended to return into Italy. I plainly conje∣ctured

from this Answer, that I was to en∣tertain no more hopes of ever recovering my Pendants again; wherefore from that very Moment I used all my Endeavours to ba∣nish them from my Memory, tho' that it was not without a great deal of trouble; but time which makes all things forgotten, brought some Moderation to my Sadness; and perhaps, I should have almost lost all re∣membrance thereof, if it did not spight me to this very day, that I accompanied him so far.

How great soever my grief and trouble was, I durst not complain to any Body of the loss I had had, fearing I should be laught at, and the remembrance thereof was still very fresh, when I drew into my Snares an Old Seignior, of whom I got in a little time as much as was necessary to repair the dam∣mage I had received, for it is an incontesta∣ble truth, that those who have passed the Age of Fifty Years, are much more easy to disburse Money than those who are between twenty and forty, for these imagine, be∣cause they rarely want Strength and Vi∣gour, that they are not obliged to give mo∣ney, or at least that they ought not to give much, whereas on the contrary, the others willingly recompence for their Impotence

with Cash, and are ordinarily so careful of their Reputation, that there is no fear of their Vifits causing Scandalous Reports; but because Accidents equally rare, do not happen to all manner of Persons, though I could easily fill this Piece with Adventures and Rencounters, altogether wonderful, if I would in the least pass the bounds of truth, I shall only say this of that good Man, that I prospered very well by his frequenting my Company; and that I hardly ever deman∣ded any thing of him but what he gave me immediately; insomuch, that during ten or eleven Months, that he haunted me, I heap∣ed up as much Money as was necessary to defend me against the Injuries of a sharp and severe Winter.

About two or three Months after the Death of this Honest Gentleman, I was one day sitting upon a little Seat before my Gar∣den, and from thence I heard a most sad and doleful Cry at some distance. I turned immediately my eyes towards the place from whence that voice came, and I saw a Middle-Aged Woman dressed like a Citi∣zen's Wife, who came running towards me with all her Strength, being persued by two Furious Men, who had each of them a na∣ked Sword in his hand. I got up, and en∣tred

into the Garden, that I might not re∣ceive any offence from those Furioso's; but I had hardly set my foot over the Treshold when the Woman, who it seems was ligh∣ter of foot than those who persued her, came flying to me, and shutting the Door with a trembling hand, for the Love of God, Madam, said she, save my Life, for those two Men.—She would still have said more, but her weariness and weakness would not allow of it.

In the mean while, those two Men must either have been gone back, or must have hid themselves somewhere: For as soon as the Woman was got into the Garden I heard no more Noise. I call'd my Maid, and having made her fetch a Bottle of Wine, I gave this damnable Creature to drink, considering her as a good and ho∣nest Woman, and so I comforted her heart. Then we went into our House, where I ask'd her for what cause those two Rogues had pursued her with so much Fury? Ma∣dam, if I was assured, said she to me, that we could talk here, without any Body hearing us, I should undertake to relate to you a Story which you will be extreamly surprized at; and tho' I have been in such Danger as you know, I would never open

my Mouth of it; but by reason of the sea∣sonable help which I have received from you, I will undertake to relate to you a Story which will extreamly surprize you; and tho' I have been in the danger you saw, will never open my Mouth thereof; but upon the account of the seasonable help which I have received from you, the duty of Acknowledgment obliges me not to re∣fuse you any thing: For those Men whose Bloody Hands pursued me, and from whom your Goodness has delivered me, are so nearly related to me, that I cannot make any Complaints against 'em, without draw∣ing upon my self the hatred of all my Race. I told her thereupon, by reason that this Introduction did very much aug∣ment my Curiosity, that she might speak with all manner of Safety, that there were but we three in the House; and that my Maid was too wise and secret to go cackle abroad what she ought to keep in Silence. As soon as I had utter'd these Words, she fell to telling a Story, which seem'd as if it would never have been at an end, inso∣much that I began to conceive some Sus∣picion, that this was only the Pretext to some concealed Design. I had so much the more reason to be jealous, that tho'

this Story was told after a pertinent man∣ner enough, yet there was such prodigi∣ous, and such Romantick Circumstances, that it could not be taken to be made up altogether of pure Truths; and particular∣ly amongst persons who have somewhat more Understanding than what's common in the World. Whereupon I told her, that her entertaining Story had lasted for above three quarters of an hour, and that it was time to make an end, by reason, that it be∣ing near Eight a Clock, it would be late before she could get to Town. But, Ma∣dam, said she, I hope you will not be so pitiless as to refuse me a Lodging this night; for I am sure, pursued this Bitch, that my Enemies will wait for me hereabouts. You must not take it ill tho' I do, Good Wo∣man, replied I, my Husband is not at home, and for that reason I cannot allow any o∣ther person to lie at my House. I added several other reasons more of the like Na∣ture (for I began to dread some ill Event of this Enterprize) so that at length she told me, since that you make so much dif∣ficulty in this Matter, I will abridge my Discourse, and shew you a Letter, wherein you may learn all things you stand in need of for the Abridgement of my Business.

Thereupon feeling in her Pocket, she took out a Letter which I quickly knew again, and which set me a trembling and shiver∣ing after so terrible a manner, as if I had fallen into a Convulsion Fit: For it was the same I had put into the Rope-Dancer's Hands when I sent him to Thistleworth in such an Equipage as was described in the First Part of this Book.

While I was reading this Letter, and that I seem'd to dwell upon it with the highest Attention, I considered so well this counterfeited Woman, that at length, tho' it was a long time since, and that his Cloaths were very different from those he was used to wear, I knew again the Coun∣tenance of that abominable Thief, who had caused his Face to be shaved very smooth. Hereupon some one might tell me that there needed no more than to hear his Voice to perceive that it was a Cheat; but that of this Rogue was none of the deepest, inso∣much that lisping and affecting a little of the Tone of the Female Sex, he might pass for a Woman of a middle Age. After that I had held this Letter for a pretty while, with trembling hands I delivered it to him without having almost the Power to utter 〈◊〉〈◊〉 word but in Stuttering. Well, my

dear Angel, said the Rogue, with a smiling Countenance, have not I spoke the Truth, and can you not easily perceive by this Let∣ter, all that my Business requires to have the perfect Understanding thereof? I made him Answer with a stuttering Tongue, that I knew not what he meant by that Letter, by reason that it was not at all conformable to the Story he had related; and that by Consequence he must have taken one Let∣ter for another. However I am very well assured, replied he after a hasty manner, that you know well enough the Person to whom that Letter was written; and not to trouble our Heads with impertinent dis∣courses, added he, know that I am the Man whom you sent in a Boat to Thistle∣worth; and that there was no other reason that made me keep this Letter so long than to convict you of that cursed Pranck by your own hand writing. Do not believe, pursued he, that I have forgot your Face: For Spite and Vexation have so deeply imprinted it in my Heart, that it would be eternally ineffaceable. My Maid, to whom I had related this Story, look'd upon me fixedly, with Eyes full of Sadness: For she certainly foresaw that this would not pass thus without some hurry and mischief:

nevertheless I still pretended to be ignorant of the matter; and told him, that I knew not what he meant by all his Discourse, and that I could not imagine what he preten∣ded to do, in shaping himself sometimes in the Posture of a Woman, and sometimes in that of a Man. I will then make use of o∣ther means, and taking at the same time out of his Pocket a Knife prodigiously long, Come, you Whore, said he to me, pro∣duce me immediately that Money thou tookest from me at that time, and my Cloaths also, with the Interest of so many years that have passed since; or immedi∣ately prepare thy self for Death. I started up as soon as ever I saw the naked Knife, and thought to have got out at the Garden Door, to have Recourse to crying and bawling out for Help; but seizing on me, he put the Knife to my Throat, swearing he would run it in, if I made the least Noise. Thus knew not I what to do in this Extremity: For tho' I did my best to perswade him that he was mistaken, my words found no Credit; and having no Design to rid my self of so much Money, I imagin'd that there was no better means to rid my self of this Misfortune, than to confess the thing, and endeavour to make

him believe, that all I had done had only been through my Mothers Counsels, and afterwards to Caress him to such a degree, that his Coller might be at length appeased; but these means were all to no purpose, in∣somuch that I should then have been obli∣ged to have given him as much and perhaps more Money, if I intended to preserve my life, which however would not have been the less in danger, when that of a sudden I heard a noise that was made by beating up∣pon a Brass Kettle from the Top of our Garret, and such a terrible crying out of Murder, that all the House rung again. This Rural Alarum was given by my-Maid, who, while the Rope-Dancer was holding his Knife at my Throat, had stole up Stairs. God damn you, you execrable Whore you, said this Bloody Villain, as soon as he had heard this Sound and this Voice, thou shalt not come off however so cheaply; and thereupon shutting the Door, that I might not make my Escape, he ran up above; but the Maid had had the Prudence to pull up the Ladder after her, so that he could not do her any Mischief.

In the mean while, having opened one of our Windows, and being got out there I set our Dog at Liberty, flattering my

self, that I was then sufficiently secur'd a∣gainst all Misfortune: For that Animal was prodigiously big, and would easily have torn to pieces two or three men; and by Consequence this Devil of a Murderer, if he had not been too cunning for him: for he no sooner perceiv'd that the Dog came in all haste towards him, than that he stretched forth his left Arm, and the Dog planted his Teeth therein immediately. Now as my Cerberus stood upright, and had his Fore-Feet against his Arm, he cut open all his Belly at one Slash with the Knife he had in the other, insomuch that the poor Creature fell upon the Ground, having still Life enough to see his own En∣trails drop out; and tho' several People came to my help from the Houses there∣abouts, as we could sufficiently perceive by the Noise they made, yet he pursued me so fast, and came so near me, that stri∣king at me, he cut me over the Head, by which I could pass no other Judgment than that he intended to cut my Throat: And to make him believe that he had done my Business already, and to prevent any farther Mischief from him (for I had alrea∣dy perceived that my running away was all to no purpose, I fell topsy turvy upon

the Ground, without uttering one word. As soon as he had committed this abomina∣ble Action, he let fall his Robes, under which was his Nuns Cloaths; and having got in a Moment to the Pails, which he mounted over, and so skudded away like a Hare, with such Swiftness, that he made a shift to escape before People could come in. By these means he made me lose the Pleasure I should have had in seeing him up∣on a Gallows. As soon as People saw the Condition I was in, they carried me to Fulham, where I had my Wound bound up for the first time.

The day following a Justice of the Peace came to inquire into the business, I gave him a very pertinent account, except that I did not declare to him the cause for which that fatal accident had happened to me. But not to trouble the Reader with circumstan∣ces of small importance, I will only say that this fact was taken for a piece of robbe∣ry, and by consequence all manner of dili∣gence was used to find out the Authors thereof, but all in vain.

For my part, tho' I was so bravely mar∣ked yet I thought my self happy in my mis∣fortune, for if I had kept him a night at my House, he would infallibly have robbed me

of all that I had in the night, and perhaps he would have marked me ten times as much, if he had not broke my Neck. It is not to be doubted but that the Devil him∣self inspired him with this design, and had made him find out the place of my abode, for I cannot imagine how he could have discovered it, for I was very rarely to be seen abroad, by reason I was very much a∣fraid of my Husband and the Alderman, tho' it seemed as if by the length of time those Sparks had forgotten the mischief I had done them; for as for my Husband I had nothing to fear from him, by reason that I would not in any wise own that I had been his Wife; and touching the Al∣derman, that unlucky adventure had ren∣dred him so Virtuous, that he no longer thought of me nor such like Persons; from whence I draw a sure consequence that he was obliged to me, and that therefore he would have done very ill, had he done me any mischief, because he might look upon me as the occasion of his Virtuous Life. Here it might be objected, that we must never do any mischief that good may come thereof, but my Maximes were who∣ly different from this, and I was very little concerned whether they were conformable

or not with the Prophane or holy Philoso∣phy.

But being half cured of this wound which I should not perhaps have received, if after having let loose the Dog in the Garden, I had immediately made use of my Heeles; but I was willing to have the plea∣sure of seeing that Battail, wherein I did not doubt but that my Cerberus would re∣main the Conquerour, I went to take my Habitation again in the Town, by reason I was in sear that such like misfortunes might again happen to me; but tho' there Chirur∣geons had me in cure, it was not however so well cured but that my Forehead re∣main'd scarrified and spoiled, because the scarrs continued so visible, that they might have been perceived a Muskets-shot distance, Insomuch that since that time, I have been always obliged to wear Cornets, and my Forehead-wear of very thick Laces, that this imperfection might not be seen through the holes. At first by reason I had a very fine Fore-head, I have shed many a tear up∣on that account, but afterwards custome became nature, with so much the more rea∣son that I came to consider that there are many others, who for that they have an ill

shaped Forehead, are obliged to dress them∣selves in this manner, for certainly it is not allways to follow the Mode that Women wear Cornets; but it is most commonly to hide the imperfections of the Forehead; neverthless I should yet have been happy if I had been quit for that; but I had not dwelt full a year in the City, then that my Face, my Hands and all my Body became so yellow, by having been too often at the sport, that one would have said I had dwelt five or six years under the Equinocti∣al Line, so that I was constrained to make use not only of Spanish Paper, but also of Paint, unless I intended to lose my Com∣merse I would make here the description, after what manner it is used, as I have done in the former part touching the Red Colour that is given to the Cheeks; but because there are so many several sorts of paint, and that this artifice is become very common in our time, perhaps the pains I should take would be very little to the purpose; be∣sides, I have an other reason for which I am not willing to engage in this matter, which is, that I should stand in need of ten times as much Paper as is fitting for the bulk of this Book to be, if I would relate here all the practises which the Female Sex makes use of to help nature, and tho' I should say

nothing but what is conformable to truth, yet perhaps I should not always be allowed of as an infallible Author; for they practise so many strange things in this matter, that they seem at first absolutely incredible. By example. Who would believe if experi∣ence did not banish all Contradiction, that there are young Women who fasten Ropes to the top of their Beds, or some other thing, where lying on their Backs, they thrust their Hands therein? And this is done only that the Blood may retire, and they seem the whiter: And for that pur∣pose they must endure the Pennance of con∣tinuing lying in that manner for a whole night together without being able to turn on the one side or other: But I shall add here to something more surprizing, which is, that as there have been some who having Warts, Freckles, or some such other like Deformities in their Faces, have taken off the Skin with biting Waters and such other like means, for the recovering a new Skin which might not be subject to be disfigured like the former. I am willing to believe that there are many Maidens to whom this will seem incredible, and particularly to those who have yet but very little experi∣ence, and who have always been kept un∣der

the lash of their Parents, yet it is as true as that we may with our Eyes discern the light and darkness: But this point has been sufficiently talked of, and methinks I hear some of those proud Creatures saying, that I ought to be burnt alive, because I so clearly reveal their secrets; but I am so little concerned at all their murmurings, that if I was resolved to spoil more Paper, I would tell a thousand things more which I now pass under silence. There is no other reason which witholds me from so doing, but that I find my self weary of writing of Books. Yet people must not however ima∣gin, that I am too great an Enemy of the Female Sex, on the contrary I know very well that my duty engages me to bear it affection: But at present I hate all manner of dissimulation, and am in love with no∣thing so much as plain dealing.

Thus when I had dwelt about a year and half in the City, I had the adventure of making acquaintance with a certain Spark who was newly come from the East-Indies in the quality of a Merchant, and who, as is the custome of those Gentlemen, had brought along with him so much rich∣es, that he might well enough spend the

rest of his Life without putting himself to the Peril of going such an other Voy∣age.

As soon as I was informed hereof by him who had had the goodness to bring him to my House, I put all manner of tricks and stratagems in practice to get part of his riches. The truth is, I succeeded reaso∣nably well in this design; but I was for∣ced to do and suffer more for him, than I had ever done for any other; for he had the Imperfection common to all those who come from that Countrey, which is, that he was of a very Brutish humour, and very subject to jealousy, that I could hardly pass an hour in peace with him, tho' for his money I show'd him ten times more kindness than I should have done in my tender Youth.

But it was now quite another thing; for since my age was encreased, and that my Beauty was diminished, I had lost from time to time some or other of my Gallants, Insomuch that I found my self constrained, if I meant to satisfie my insatiable desire of heaping up money, to endure much more than I was used to do before. And indeed

I became at length so audacious that he of∣ten threatned me to make me feel the hea∣vyness of his Cane, and if I would have played the Beast, his threatnings would un∣doubtedly have been followed with Execu∣tion, as I found afterwards by experience that he was no Man that lyed of his word: Tho' I then gained great profit by my com∣merce with him, yet I took this in terrible Dudgeon, and moreover took a firm Re∣solution to hinder his ever coming to those extremities, or at least to do on my side all that was possible for me, to which purpose, in a little time a very fair oppor∣tunity was offered.

One evening he came to my House where he found a Gentleman sitting by me, with whom I had had Frequentati∣on a long while before his coming. He told me after a surly manner that he did not intend I should render my self so familiar with others, and that he had connived at it for a considerable time; but that henceforward he would prevent it, since he furnished me with sufficient to live upon. Very well, Cavalier, said I to him, perhaps you fancy you are still in the Indies, and that you have one of

your slavish Wives. How long is it since you bought me, added I, since you arro∣gate so much Authority over me? Since I kissed you the first time, reparteed Ma∣ximus (so was his name) with a dread∣ful look, and since I have given you your livelyhood. Well you scoundrel, said I to him (for I could no longer dissem∣ble seeing he affronted me so villainously in the presence of an other, I never let my self be kiss'd yet by such Asses as you are, and I hope I shall never have the thought of having acquaintance with such a Beast.

I had hardly uttered these words than that he applyed to me two very fine Boxes of the Ear, which were followed with three or four swinging Strapadoes of the Cane, with a Garnish of about a dozen injurious words. I ran immediately to the Bed, where there was a Chamber-Pot, wherein I had cacked seven or eight times, for I had taken Pills that morning to purge my Body a little; and having run in both my Hands, I cast it upon Maximus's Breast with all the Strength and Fury of an enraged Woman, insomuch that the Pieces which were none of the thickest,

flew so abundantly about his Ears, that his Eyes were quite blinded; and not be∣ing satisfied with this Revenge, I flew at his Hair and Face as if I had been some infernal Fury, while he was endeavouring to clear his Eyes that were all besmeared with T—d, and I imprinted my Nails so deeply in him, that Don Quixot was never more hideous to see when he had that famous Battel with the Cats in the Dukes House. I was also transported with such a Rage (for, as they say, a wo∣man in Anger is worse than the Devil) that I should have render'd him incapable of ever having the use of his Sight, if the honest Gentleman, who, without open∣ing his Mouth, unless it were to laugh, had all this while been Spectator of this Bustle, had not pull'd me from him.

Maximus had no sooner got loose from me, than that he was thinking to get Sa∣tisfaction for this Affront: But his Eyes not being well enough open, he ran so blindly against a Chair that stood near the Chimney, that he fell head-long into the Fire, wherein he burnt the Curles I had left him; and if the honest Gentleman, who had already freed him once out of

the Peril, had not come again to his Re∣lief, he had had his Face in the most mi∣serable Condition imaginable. Ha, Hea∣vens! said he, as soon as he was got on Foot again, shall it then be said that I must endure so many Mischiefs for a Cursed Whore? And then flouncing again upon me, he intended to have renewed the Battery, but he was repulsed by the other, who, after having twice freed him out of the Danger, that not only he would not give him more Relief, but that he would himself become his Adversary.

Maximus thus perceiving there was no Revenge to be had at that time, went out of the House, his Cloaths all covered with a Sirreverence, and his Head without Hair; but it was not without giving himself a thousand times to the Devil, that he would make me pay dearly for the Pranck I had play'd him.

In the mean while the Devil had an absolute Protection over him: For before ten days were at an end, he sent to beseech me, like a perfect Fool and mad man, that he might have the happiness of Drinking with me for the terminating

our Quarrel. It seems he could not live without my Presence; and that Love and Jealousie were the Cause that he was al∣ways quarrelling with me.

I told the Person who had received the Commission to come and make me this Compliment, that it was a Proposition that I could not at all comply with, unless I might have absolute Assurance of his good Will: For I had a Fancy that all this was done only to seek an Occasion to do me a Mischief. To make short, we became afterwards good Friends, by the Mediation of this Embassador, and our Intrigue last∣ed for a Year, during which, Maximus was very careful to frequent me: But at the end of that time marrying with a Widow our Familiarity was lost by little and little. I say by little and little: For tho' he was married, he could not so well forget my Caresses, but that he still came to visit me from time to time; but because his Hands did not scatter Money with the same Liberality they did before; and that there were no more Indian Rarities for me to expect (for his Wife look'd after them too narrowly) my counterfeit Inclination did cool so much with time, that at length

he stayed at home without returning any more to my House.

Now must I laugh at the foolishness of some men, whose unbounded Petulancy carries them sometimes so far, that they will forget the most horrible Affronts, on∣ly that they may not be banish'd from the Favor of a Woman, whose Caresses they must purchase, while that another may as well as them enjoy her Affections for his Money. Without lying, those men shew that their Bodies have an Empire over their Minds, and that they are only Men, because they have the Figure of them: For is it not the greatest Sillyness, and the highest Madness that can be commit∣ted, that to satisfie the desire of a little Bit of Flesh, they proceed to the losing their Estates, their Reputations, and all they have dearest in the World, and un∣dergo, and forget all manner of Affronts; neither more nor less than if you were ob∣liged to endure them. Nevertheless, it would be in some manner excusable: For the Wisest that have ever been upon Earth, suffer themselves to be seduced by Wo∣men; if these Sparks were assured of the Inclination of those who cost them so

much Money, and who make them suffer so much without their growing impati∣ent.

But to act in that manner with those Nymphs, who, like Hackney Horses are ready to serve every one, methinks, that since men have received so much Prudence, that it is a Shame for them to be led away to such Extravagancies. True it is, that Maximus had no great reason to treat me in that manner: But however I fancy, that he was still more to blame to court my Amity after I had used him so scurvi∣ly in the presence of another. Methinks that Shame alone ought to have forbidden him to have ever any Thoughts of me, unless he had a desire to shew that he had a Resentment for those Affronts. But there are those who are yet more silly: For I have seen those, who without ha∣ving given any Occasion, suffered them∣selves to be ashamed and affronted a thou∣sand times a day, without however think∣ing of drawing the Foot out of the Snare, wherein their lascivious Passion has made them fall. But I will engage no farther in this matter, that I may not deviate any farther from my Subject.

For two years time after that I had rid my self of my Indian Merchant, I had so few Adventures of any Importance, that they do not deserve I should take the trou∣ble to describe them; and to speak the Truth, I had, during that time, so little Commerce in Gallantry, that I did not gain so much as I had done before: for by rea∣son that I still became more and more ug∣ly, I received no Benefit from any body, unless it were from those whom I knew how to please by my Wit; but consider∣ing that's no great harm in Gallantry, e∣specially to the Citizens, where they ex∣presly desire Corporal Beauty; and on the contrary side what was worst, my Tricks began to become something too well known, that I lost one day one, and the next day another, which made me begin to think of the means of getting my Livelyhood after another manner, namely by some Merchandise, for which I had Opportunity enough, being pro∣vided with a good Sum of Money. And I had also the less reason to be uneasie, in that I had Annuities to live on, as I have said in the first part; and that by Consequence I might live conveniently without troubling my Head with any

Trade. True it is, that I must have ta∣ken Delight in a solitary sort of Life, and must have retrenched my Expences which I had no great Inclination to do: On the contrary, I was so accustomed to a Libertine way of Living, and Pride had took such deep Root in my Heart, that it was a hard matter for me resolve to go after the Rate of a Shop-Keeper's Wife.

While I was thus contriving what would be most convenient and most useful to undertake, I began to imagine, that I should not do ill in setting up a Lace-shop, because that it is a Trade that requires no great trouble, and which brings a great deal of Profit; and particularly if you have the convenience of buying your Lace at the best hand. This design having been firmly concluded on, I left my House to the keeping of a Marryed Woman, and ha∣ving taken with me a good Sum of Money, I went into Flanders and so to Bruxels, to furnish my self with all things necessary for the garnishing a handsome Shop.

Amongst other Passengers there was a German Lord, attended with two Footmen in rich Liveries. He had no sooner cast his eyes upon me, than that he imagined, per∣haps, that my Face was as Beautiful, as Paint and Spanish Paper made it seem; and pre∣sently began to show his inclination, and upon the first occasion, he came and sat on the side of me, and as he had made good Provision for eating and drinking, he would not suffer in the least that I should meddle with my own Victuals; for really though the Germans do not for the most part con∣tain a huge deal of Wit in their great Nod∣dles, yet we must however give them this Commendation, that they show themselves much more Civil and Courteous towards Women, than many other Nations. His Civility made me immediately imagine, that some advantage might accrew to me from him; wherefore I us'd the Spark as amou∣rously as was possible.

To make short, before that we came to Newport, we agreed to spend a Night or two together at Antwerp, and to bring this to pass, he had gently slipt into my Breast three or four Broad-pieces of Gold.

As soon as we were come to Antwerp we went to one of the most Considerable Ordi∣naries, where we Dined, and then we ask∣ed if we might lie there for two or three Nights, and that we had occasion for three Chambers at the least; namely, one for us, another for the German's Foot-men, and a third for my Maid. The Landlord expe∣cting to gain a considerable Sum of Money upon this Occasion, quickly caused all to be prepared we stood in need of, after which the Count and I took a turn to see the fine City of Antwerp, towards Evening we re∣turned to our Inn, where my German who was a Brave Drinker, as are most of his Countrey-men, fell to drinking Bumpers so hard with some Sparks who were also lodg∣ed there, that he became as drunk as a Beast, and in that condition came he to Bed to me. Certainly if I had then been some∣thing more given to Carnal Pleasures, I should have been something vexed and dis∣appointed, for with Drunken Men there may be a great deal of Wind, but it seldom Rains; but as the principal Question was that of Money, I made no great Ceremony up∣on the point; yet since I make Profession of having a sincere heart in all things, I am willing to confess, that the Amorous

Sport was not so unpleasant to me, yet you must also know that I was not over-well pleased with all those I had to do with, and that by Consequence I could not find my Divertisement with all manner of Gallants, for assure your self when Misses endeavour to make Sparks believe, by their Counter∣feit Motion, that they receive an unspeaka∣ble Pleasure; this is not out of a good in∣tention, but to oblige the Cavalier to do his Work the sooner; and indeed, with∣out being of a Nature insatiable in Lascivi∣ousness, a Woman cannot find satisfaction in the Embraces of a Man she had never seen before.

After we had been a pretty while in un∣dressing him, wherein I was also assisted by his Men, we went to Bed, and I expected to have enjoyed a very peacable Repose. But things do not always go according as we promise our selves. Which you may see by my German, for though he was so beast∣ly drunk, yet he had not forgotten for what reason he had desired to have me his Bed∣fellow, and tho' I used all imaginable means to make him defer that business un∣til the Morning, for I was never willing to have to do with drunken Men, he would

not be prevailed with, insomuch, that I was forced to prepare my self for it, unless that I had a mind to lose all I promised my self to gain by the Bargain.

Whereupon I put my self into such a Po∣sture as I thought most suitable to undergo the management a long time, for I foresaw he would be a long while doing his Work. But while we were thus busily taken up in our Affair, for I did also my best to be so much the sooner disengaged from him; the jogling did so raise the Wine, the Meat, and all the German had eaten that Evening, that in a moment he Vomited upon my Face a pot full of Filth, and this Evacuation being followed by three or four more of the same nature, I began to fear that Night would have been the last of my Life; for being so weary that I could hardly draw my Breath, which perhaps made me open my Mouth something too wide, there entred into my Throat such a great quantity of that villain∣ous stuff, that I thought I had been stifled, and if I had not forced my Knight to quit the Saddle, I should have been but in a mi∣serable Condition. Besides, that villainous stuff stunk so horribly, that having been put altogether in a Granado, they would have

obliged a Man of War to have yielded, though it had been mounted with four and twenty pieces of Canon.

An other Inconvenience followed upon the Heels of this, for as I was busy in clean∣ing my Mouth, my Stomach received the Air of this insupportable stink, so that I vo∣mitted all I had therein, with such a Violence, that I began to bleed at the Nose.

In the mean while as I could not cry out I made such a noise with my Hands against the Beds teaster, that at length one of the Maids came up with a light, and seeing us in that posture, she set the Can∣dle upon the Table and ran to tell her Mistress that we had spoiled one of her best Beds; for which reason she did not fail to make a terrible Noise; but this storm was appeased in a moment because the German who was very much ashamed at this accident, and who was then be∣come something more sober, payed accor∣ding to the Tax she set upon that he had spoyled.

In the mean time while they were pre∣paring another Bed, and I put on one of my Landladyes Smocks, and my Spark of a German who was something better furnished with fine Linnen than my self, had clean Linnen took out of his Port-Mantle, for those we had on could not be more Dirty nor more wet, tho' it had rain'd T—rds and Surreverences upon them with full Palefuls, and we had mar∣ched naked in our shifts quite through it all.

In the mean while the honest Gentle∣man drank a good quantity of Pump-wa∣ter, and by this means the Fumes of the Wine which were already half evaporated by the vomiting, dissipated themselves so well by his vomiting, that it could hard∣ly any longer be observed that he had been drunk, to which also his shame did much contribute he had of so Beastly an action. As for my part I remain'd peacebly sitting, and was studying of the means to make him pay for this disorder, for tho' he asked me a thousand pardons which I willingly gran∣ted him in appearance, I was loath to let him come off at so cheap a rate as to let him go scot-free.

A thousand sort of thoughts roll'd in my Head; but amongst all, there was not one wherein I did not find either impossi∣bility or a too visible affectation, where∣fore none of those means seem'd to me more proper than the first which came into my fancy, whereof I will give you an im∣mediate account.

When that our second Bed was made ready, and that the Count imagined that the peace was entirely concluded, we went to sleep; which I could do with so much the more tranquility for that I saw there would be nothing to do until the depth of the night. However I, as I never knew what profoundly sleeping was, I heard the German several times make water, for tho' he had so swinginly skinned the Fox there was still in his Body humidity e∣nough remaining, to fill the Cham∣ber pot. It was about break of day when he was again awaked out of his sleep, and he almost filled the Pot quite full, as I could easily perceive by the noise he made.

Methoughts it was then time to put my design in execution: Wherefore I preten∣ded to start out as a Dream; ah my dear little Angel, said I to him, I desire you would give me the Pot a little, my dear heart, said he to me, it is so full I know not if you can make use of it. Yes well enough, replyed I, my Bladder is not so great, and besides I know not if I can make water. Then the poor Ninnyham∣mer took the Pot in both his Hands and gave it me, and stood till I had done, for by reason the Pot stood upon a Chair by the Bedside, and that he lay on the same, expecting to set it in its place again, and indeed I was for above a quarter of an hour without letting fall a drop, tho' I still made Faces as if I strained hard; but when I perceived he was fallen again asleep, I got me up and fell plump upon his Body, neither more nor less than if I had been in∣tangled in the Bed-Cloaths, I overturned the Pot and so let all the Urine fall upon his Face. S'Blood and Death, said the Ger∣man, as soon as he felt the weight of my Body and that innundation of unexpected rain, I believe that the Devil reigns in this House, otherwise how should one receive so many misfortunes in one night alone?

Thereupon leaping with his naked Breech out of the Bed, he blasphemed and made such a noise as if the Man had been posses∣sed with a Devil. He call'd out for light. At the same time I jump'd also out of Bed, for in a moment he was so wet, that you could hardly find a dry place the bigness of a Pin's-head, and tho' I had the greatest pain imaginable to contain my self from laughing, I beseech'd him in terms of Lamemation, that he would not attri∣bute to me the fault thereof; that it was a mischance; and that I was ready to do all that he pleased to give him Content∣ment. Done upon that Condition, said the German, and moreover I cannot take it in ill part, tho' it had been done on pur∣pose, but yet I am willing to have a bet∣ter Opinion of you.

In the mean while the Landlady came up with a light grunting all the way, because she was not suffered to sleep at rest, and seeing this second Bed was as well spoiled as the other. By my soul, said she, I can∣not but believe that you are resolved to make me mad to night: Ah my dear Land∣lady, I conjure you to be silent, said the German, who could hardly open his Eyes

by reason of the sharp humour of the Piss, reckon only what is due for this dammage, and give us another Bed; I am resolved to see if the De∣vil will come and play his part too there.

All this while I bit my Lips so hard that the blood was ready to gush out, for as I saw the Piss still trick∣ling from his Hair into this poor Wretches Eyes, I was taken with so great a desire to laugh, for I would willingly have given a Guinney or two to have eas'd and given that sa∣tisfaction to my Breast. Thus were we led again into another Chamber by the Woman, grumbling and scolding, after which the German put on another clean Shirt; thus did he shift himself three times that Night, which undoubtedly he never did before since he was Born.

After this disastrous Night, we so∣journed two days longer in this Inn; but it was with more good luck, for afterwards there happened no Mis∣chances to us.

After which, my Honest German departed for Nechelen, where he said he had some Affairs, and would ve∣ry willingly have took me along to have accompanied him thither; but because I was willing to think on my Concern, I gave him many thanks for his offer, and went my way to Bruxelles with my Maid, though per∣haps, I had not done ill, if I had gone along with him, for he was a Debonnaire Spark, and as Amiable and Courteous, as a Woman could desire.

We staid about a Week at Bruxelles, as well to see the Town and Court, as to buy the things for which we came thither; I do not question

but that I might have made some Gains there, for New Flesh is com∣monly desired, and sought after; but the fear I was in that the poor Spanish Courtiers would not pay me according to my Merit, I thought I should do better in sparing my Glan∣ces, and bestow them upon others who had wherewith to recompence me well, in case that Fortune was still so favourable to me, that she would address some more of those Sparks to me again. But whereas during my Youth, she had been as a Mother in such Encounters, she be∣gan to become a Mother-in-Law to∣wards me; for since this Voyage into Brabant, I have had so few Occupa∣tions, that one would have believed by seeing the closing of my Tuzzy-Muzzy, that I had recovered a new Maiden-head in my old days. Ne∣vertheless, I might have found some few to whom I should not have been so unacceptable, if I would have suf∣fered

them to have made use of me for nothing; but that I could never be brought to, because by that means I might have come to be despised; with so much the more reason as that I stood not in so much need of Mo∣ney as to run the danger of losing my health for a Crown or an Angel.

As soon as I was returned from Flanders, with a sufficient quantity of Laces, I caus'd the entrance of my House to be prepared for the making a shop thereof, and not to live on that trade alone (for I knew not if I should gain by it, and I was used to keep a good Table, I took a Miss to lodge with me, who according to appear∣ances, should serve me in the Quali∣ty of a Shop Maid, though this was only to exercise with her the same Trade I had done before with my own Flesh; and for that cause, for the drawing the more profit from thence, I instructed her with all those

things which a Lady of Pleasure ought to know, for the heaping up a Sum of Money wherewith she may maintain her self during her Old Age. I acquainted her after what manner she was to show Affection to Men in Years; how she was to comport her self with the younger; what she was to observe in the first Visits; by what marks she might judge if a Man was liberal or stingy.

In short, I imparted to her all those Instructions that experience had taught me, and if my Lessons were set down in Writing, I am sure, that those Women who could make due use of 'em would receive no small profit by 'em; but because I have no design to spur on others to do ill, I will rather bury them in an Eternal Silence, that I may not be accused of having led into a wrong way the Children of Persons of Honour.

My design succeeded as well as I could have desired, for my Shop ser∣ved for a pretext to Gentlemens co∣ming into my House, and all was so peaceably governed there, that my nearest Neighbours hardly knew that I committed the least thing that was not honest, becoming and Civil.

This Commerce had lasted about four years without my receiving the least Cross or Traverse, when I was taken with a fit of Sickness, which in a few days brought me to the brink of Death. As then in such rencoun∣ters people become something wiser than they used to be, and as the thoughts of Death makes us often make promises to him, whom one does not think of in ones Health, I also made Vows that if ever I reco∣vered again, I would lead a better Life, and that I would abandon all the Means which I had thitherto made use of. I know not if my Pray∣ers

were heard, or if my Sickness was come to its terme, yet by degrees I returned to my former Condition; the truth is, I put the Miss out of the House as I had made a Vow to doe, and that after this time I have never had any other of the same Con∣dition; but yet I must confess by reason I will not have the reputa∣tion of having ever been a Dissem∣bler, that the Flesh has been some times stronger than the Spirit; ne∣vertheless I have at last gain'd the Victory over that Enemy, or if you will have it so, Years have rendred me so ugly, that no Body now comes to torment me any more for such like things. However I do not speak after this manner, but that infalli∣bly I shall not be believed if I would pass for a Vertuous Person, which might be contradicted by a certaine place of this second part, as also by my way of writing which is something bold and libertine;

but I content my self with the te∣stimony that my Conscience gives me, and it is the same-thing to me whether I am thought discreet, ver∣tuous or debaucht; because that I have Experience enough in the World to know that it often blames Wise and Sober Persons, and of∣ten praises and extols such as are lewd and vicious. Nevertheless I am not of the rank of those who after having led a vicious Life du∣ring their Youth, and then beco∣ming Converts, pretend to by got∣tism, and walk holding their right-Hand upon their Heart as the tru∣ly Devout do, or, if you please, seem as modest and as plain as poor Su∣sanna is commonly painted between those two old Ruffions. On the contrary I am like to those old Coach-men who can willingly hear the sound of the Whip, with so much the more reason, as that it seems rather a folly than a probi∣ty

to forbid Men Joy and Mirth, by sad and Melancholly Grimaces. It is a priviledge that we have pre∣ferably to all other Creatures, and for that reason I have done it as of∣ten as things required, and I do not believe that I can desist from it tho' a number of curious Fools should tax me with being a Person of ill Conduct, until that Death has clos'd up my Mouth.

FINIS.