The tragical history, admirable atchievments and various events of Guy Earl of Warwick a tragedy acted very frequently with great applause by his late Majesties servants / written by B.J.
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- The tragical history, admirable atchievments and various events of Guy Earl of Warwick a tragedy acted very frequently with great applause by his late Majesties servants / written by B.J.
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- London :: Printed for Thomas Vere and William Gilbertson ...,
- 1661.
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- Subject terms
- Guy, -- Earl of Warwick.
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http://name.umdl.umich.edu/A46694.0001.001
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"The tragical history, admirable atchievments and various events of Guy Earl of Warwick a tragedy acted very frequently with great applause by his late Majesties servants / written by B.J." In the digital collection Early English Books Online 2. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A46694.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed April 28, 2025.
Pages
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THE Tragical History OF GUY EARLE of WARWICK.
Actus Primus.
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Ah Phillis!
What then disturbs thy high heroick Thoughts?
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Sweet Lord!
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Dost thou hear me soon, zoon.
Never talk Father, never talk; for Youth will have his swindge, if it be in a Halter; and I being a young Man and a Scholar, will go travel to try the fruits of my Learning.
But whither wilt thou go soon ha?
Faith Father, Romo Romulus, even to Rome, Morter morteribus, with a Morter on my Head. But Father Ile come upon ye with a Verse, Prapria que maribones tribiunter mascula dogstones.
Whats that zoon ha?
That is, you must give me Forty pounds, and I must go seek my fortune.
Nay chil hold thee vorty of my teeth on that, the whor∣son knave, and he'd tarry at home he might be Clark of our Parish, so he might; he has his writing and reading Tongue, as perfect as eating porredge, so he has; and sides all that, he spowts Latin as vast as a Mill grinds sault; but che know the eause why thoudst so vain be jogging?
Why Father?
Nay chill tell thee with a witnesse, 'tis comported all a∣bout our Parish that thou hast got our Neighbour Sparlings Daughter with Barne.
How comes the old Fox to know this trow; well I must set a good face on the matter or alls mar'd. Who I get her with Child? Father, why I take to witnesse the back-side of our Barn-door, I never kist her but twice in all my life.
That thou shalt see, come hither Parnell,
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O Mr. Sparrow I little thought you would have us'd me thus!
Why Parnell how have I us'd you? If there be ever a one in the Parish can use you better, let him take you and the Child too for me.
But Mr. Sparrow you are not so good as your promise.
Nay Parnell never talk of that; for I have been better to you then my promise.
How Knave, hast thou been better to her then thy pro∣mise, ha?
Why Father if you'l not bite off my Nose, Ile tell ye, I promised her to go home and eat a sowre Milk Posset; and if I have got her with child, 'tis more then my promise, and she's be∣holding to me for my labour.
I sirrah, but you must marry her and make her amends.
How like an old fool you talk Father, why, she had more need make me amends; for I have made her look pritty and plump, and she has made me look like a shotten Herring. But Father take your blessing from me, for I must needs be walking.
Hony sops queen Maries pence, Tears parts at going hence, Ego volo Domine tu, Sparrow will come with joy to you.Gods malediction go with thee good soon, Ah wees me, wees me.
Farewel good Mr. Sparrow.
Nay do not cry good Father, do not weep sweet Parnel, but even farewel and be hang'd, thats twice God bo'ye; I made as though I had been sorry, but I could not weep and if I should ha been hang'd; but now will I go serve the bravest Man in all the world, his Name is Sir Guy of Warwick; they say he's going to Jerusalem and Jerico; but if he goes to the Divel I'le go with him, that's flat; and if Parnel be brought to bed before I come again, some honest Fellow do so much as pay for the Nursing of the Child, and Ile do as much for him another time.
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Actus Secundus.
What Sirrah Sparrow?
Anon, anon Sir.
What are you turn'd Tapster since you came out of England?
Tapster quotha I shall never be so good a man while I live; for I had rather see a Tapster then a King: I like your long Journeys at Sea wel but for one thing.
What's that I pray?
O Master heres no Alehouses by the way, a man can∣not
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get a Can of Beer for any Money; but Master why did you give that great Castle you got from the Gyant to that pueling harlotry in the silk Gown?
Why Sir she was a Lady of great birth.
A Ladle of great birch, why and she had been a ladle of holly; I would not have given't her I trow, you had bin bet∣ter a given it me by half.
What wouldest thou have done with it?
I would have wrapt it in a Letter and sent it into War∣wickeshire for a token: but Master, good sweet Master lend me your Sword.
What wilt thou do with it?
Here comes an Old man Ile kill him.
Ye cowardly Rogue wilt thou kill a Hermit?
An Emmot quotha, 'tis one of the fowlest great Emmots that ever I saw.
God blesse thee Father and send thee happinesse on Earth and Heaven when thou diest.
And the Gallowes when a dyes, what should he do with Heaven?
O what art thou that speakest of God or Heaven, full forty Winters have I lived here, and never heard the Name of God till now, but in my prayers and my orisons.
A sawcy old Knave I perceive, he uses to eat Orrenges, Which very word makes me have an appetick as fierce as a Fidler at a Feast; it is a question of some difficulty, to resolve whether my Masters Spirit, or my Stomack be the greater; if he have the valour to knock down a Dun Cow, I have the Courage to Cut he rup, and the Confidence to Carbonado her quarters.
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And Father Emmot did you never hear of the Famous actions and valorous Atchievments of one Squire Sparrow?
Away you Hedg-bird.
Leave talking of your trundle Sirrah.
VVhy so? my Mistris Parnell is as precious to me, as your Lady Phillis is to you, we have gotten them both with child; and all the difference is, that Phillis is your wedded VVife, and Parnell is my unmarried Mistris, and we must needs run up and down killing of Dun Cowes, Dragons, VVild-boars and Mastiff Dogs, when we have more work at home then we can well turn our hands to.
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Nay but do you here Old Man, pray let you and I have a two or three cold words together? Have you ever a House here in these Woods?
No House but a poor Cottage, gentle friend.
Unch, How say ye? you would fain curry favour with me, but 'twill not serve your turn: Have ye ever an Ambry in your Cottage, where a Man may find a good Bag-pudding, a piece of Beef, or a Platter of Bruis knockle deep in Fat; for I tell thee old fellow, I am sharp set, I have not eat a good Meal this Fortnight.
Come hither Sirrah, can I no sooner come into a stran∣gers Company, but you seek to disgrace me!
Who I? why Master? you are mightily deceived in me, for I never use to say Grace before I see meat on the Table.
Sirrah, I speak not of saying Grace but of Disgrace, there∣fore Sirrah go and tell him you want no meat.
Shall I tell him so?
I Sir.
I shall tell him a monstrous lye then.
You'l tell him so, quickly too if I intreat you.
Yes i'le tell him because I dare do no otherwise; old man did I tell you I wanted meat?
I marry did you.
Ye lye like an old Knave, yet if you have any Bread and Cheese about you, put a piece in my Cap.
Sir leave your prating, Father fare you well.
More good attend thee then my tongue can tell.
Why Master have you no more wit but to send me, did not you hear that there keeps a monstrous Gyant in this Castle, that eateth a quarter of an Ox at a bit, his mouth's as wide as a
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barn door, his eyes as broad as two pewter platters, and besides all that, they say, he hath Four and twenty Men to throw Mu∣stard in his Mouth; Now if I should come in the way, fall in the Mustard Fot, and be thrown into his mouth, you might go look for a man where you could get him.
I but you being a Sparrow methinks should flye from them.
O Master I must confesse I have been something loftily minded in my young da••es, but Parnell and the rest of the prit∣ty Wenches in our Parish have so pluct my plumes, that I was never good mounter since ifaith.
Very well, then you'l not go?
Go, yes i'le go that's flat. O Master! the Divel, the Divel, the Divel.
Why? how now Sirrah, are you affraid?
No, I scorne to be affraid, but good Master for Gods sake grant me one request, upon my knees I ask it.
What's that Sir?
Sweet hony Master go your self.
I thank you Sir, but if you go not soon, my Sword shall bring you of a stomack to go.
O Master, never talk of that; for I have a stomack like a Horse, but no heart in the world to go to such a break-fast, but yet I'le go what somere comes ont, though I run into a bush presently; I am in Master, I am in.
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Fire, Fire, Fire.
How now Sirrah, what's the news with you?
Whoop Master are you alive still? nay, then I care not ifaith, but I have been peper'd since I went from you.
How Sir I pray.
When you sent me to seek an entrance into the Castle, I thinking it was good sleeping in a whole skin, ran and hid my self in a bush, I had not lain there long but it began to Thunder and Lighten monstrously, and presently the Bush flew a Fire about my Eares; that with your favour I came away in a stinking complexity; but Master what fine little hop, O my Thumbs have you got here.
Sirrah take heed what you say for these are Fairies.
Fairies quotha, I care not what they be, I'le have about with them for a bloody Nose; I have a better stomack to sight with one of them, then with the Gyant agreat deal; Unch ye whorson little pigpies, you i'le tickle ye ifaith.
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O Master help, help.
How now Sirrah, what's the newes with you?
I am kil'd master, I am kil'd.
Kil'd knave, where art kil'd?
In the Buttock, in the Buttock.
VVell Sir, rise, or i'le rise ye.
Rise quotha, yes, I'le rise, but I am sure I am dead; do you call these Fairies, a vengeance on them, they have tickled my Collefodiums ifaith; but master what is that same little gentle∣mans name?
Sir his name is King Oberon.
Little Gentleman is your name King Colbron?
No Sir, my name is King Oberon.
VVhy then good King Muttonbone learne your little Munkies to pair their Nayles with a pestilence; for my posteri∣ors will feel the print of them this fortnight at the least.
Actus Tertius.
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What craves Thasirian Emperour at our hands?
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Thou will not then surrender us thy Town?
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Tarry, tarry, tarry, hold, hold, hold.
Why? how now sirrah, what's the news with you?
O Master are you there? I have done such an exploit as you never heard of in your life.
What's that Sir?
Nay, I am sure it passes your Capacity, but I'le tell you though, for it was a valiant piece of service, when I saw you got in amongst the Pogons, I thought some body had hired you to break heads by the dozen, for you never hit any of them, but they shak't their heels as though they had the Palsey; I seeing you so hard at work thought it not best to trouble ye, but after the old manner ran and hid my self in a bush.
O Cowardly slave! was this your Valiant piece of service?
O Master you doe not hear half yet, I lay so long till you were gone, and looking out of the bush, I could see all the Pogons laid fast asleep; then went I sneaking and stole away their Snapsacks with all their Victuals, I got up to the top of a Hill, and eat it up every bit, when I had done, I began to hollow; the Pogans missing their provant, came running after me, but I made one pair of Leggs worth two pair of Hands, and out-run them all ifaith.
I thought what hot service you doe alwaies, but peace, here comes the King of fair Jerusalem.
If it be? O scurvy, if it be! why I'le tell you Good∣man King, twas I and my master tickled 'um ifaith.
True Sir, you and your Master and I, pray what did you?
Why Master? when you had kil'd them, I came and cut off their Heads.
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God and Saint George in Warwicks quarrel Fight.
Quid me uis?
Abeo.
No, we fight my Lord, for victory is your's.
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Scornst thou to love the Monarch of the world?
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I and swear. too ifaith afore I have done with him; O Master you think I can do nothing, I have catchta Pogon.
How sir I pray?
Why Master after the valliantest manner that could be; for I found him asleep, and having a Halter in my pocket, put it about his Neck instead of a falling band.
But what will you do with him now?
Marry Master, first and come fordermost, I'le hang him two houres by the Clock, then I'le cut off his head because he shall not call me knave for my labour; and when I have done so, I'le let him go his way, nay ye whorson Pogon I'le tickle ye that's flat;* 1.1 O Master the Pogon has given me two slips for a Tester, but I'le after him, if I catch him again, I'le give him a Cawd east in's Chaps, that's two turns and a wry mouth, and then he may drink to his friends all the day after.
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Actus Quartus.
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No more, no more, to morrow is the day.
When Might or Right shall bear the Crown away.
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Good morrow Father.
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Bring forth thy Champion.
Here he stands prepar'd.
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Actus Quintus.
The like I wish to you good gentle Friends.
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With all my heart, I'le go along with you.
A poor distressed Pilgrime gentle Lady.
Lady I have, and seen my Saviours blessed Sepulchre.
Give me some Bread? I prethee Father Eat.
Give me Brown Bread, for thats a Pilgrimes Meat.
Reach me some Wine, good Father tast of this.
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And mine of sorrow and deep misery.
Come Father, will you along with us?
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A Pilgrimage quotha, marry here's a Pilgri∣mage indeed, why? I have lost my Master, and have been this fortnight in a Wood, where I have eat nothing but Hips and Hawes, that ye may make Fiddle strings of my Guts they are so thin: but I am serv'd well enough; for when I was at home with my old Father, where I had my belly full of Beef and Bag-pudding, but I must be Travelling with a Pestilence.
But stay, who have we here? some Traveller I hold my Life on't, I care not greatly if I knock out his Brains, and then take away all his Money, yet sure he has not much, he has such fine Cloaths on; for commonly now adaies our Gallants in their Silkes and Velvets have the Divel dancing in their great Hose; for there's never a crosse to hinder him, therefore I'le wake him sure, Whoop whow, &c.
How now Sirrah, what are you?
A Curstian, what art thou?
Art thou a Christian? prethee where wer't born?
Ifaith Sir I was born in England at Stratford upon Aven in Warwickshire.
Wer't born in England? what's thy name?
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Nay I have a fine finical name, I can tell ye, for my name is Sparrow; yet I am not no house Sparrow, nor no hedge Sparrow, nor no peaking Sparrow, nor no sneaking Sparrow, but I am a high mounting Iofty minded Sparrow, and that Parnell knows well enough, and a good many more of the pretty Wenches of our Parish ifaith.
Very well Sir, what make you here in these Countries?
Marry I have lost a stray Master, can you tell me any tidings of him?
What was thy Masters name?
My Masters Name, why you would not hear it would ye?
Yes sir that I would.
Well he has a tickling name I can tell ye.
Howsoever let me hear it.
Yes you shall hear it, he is cal'd the most Couragious, Bravagious, Contagious; but do you hear young Gentleman, have ye ever another suit of apparel ne're hand.
VVhy Sir?
VVhy truly all will not be well with ye if you hear my Masters name; therefore I would wish you take heed what ye doe, for you'l perfume that, so that ye will have need of another.
Sirrah leave your prating, and let me hear it.
Nay ye shall hear it, he is called the most Renowned, Profounded, Compounded; but heark ye, have ye ever a clean shirt about ye?
VVhy Sir?
VVhy? I know if you hear my Masters name you'l blow your Nose backward, and then your Landresse will call you Sloven.
Why ye base Pesant, shall I not hear his Name?
O Lord Sir, ye are deceived! I am no Phesant, though I be a Sparrow, yet you shall hear my Masters name, he is called Sir Guy of Warwick.
Sir Guy of Warwick, my Renowned Father.
Thy Father, thy Halter, indeed when I came out of
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England I left a Wench pretty and plump, thou may'st be my Son, if thou beest, kneel down and ask me blessing, and i'le give thee two pence.
Away you base slave.
Why dost thou think scorn to ask me blessing?
I Sir that I do.
Then I think scorn to give thee my two pence.
VVill ye so, why the last time I saw him he and I were going towards England, and in the midst of a great wood I lost him, but I had better have been hang'd or some worse mis∣chance come to me, for I am like never to get-home as long as I live.
But are you Sir Guy of VVarwicks Son?
Upon my Knightly word I am.
Faith I doubt you are some lying Hangman; for in∣deed we Travellers may lye by Authority; but I'le tell ye what I'le doe, stay you here till I go into England, and ask your Mother, if she sayes so, I'le come again and then I'le dwell with you.
Nay stay Sir, for it is above a Thousand mile into England.
A Thousand mile, nay sure i'le take your word before i'le go so far to try the matter, but if I should be content to dwell with you, what dyet will you allow me?
Why Sirrah? to your Dinner you shall have a Pom∣garnate.
A pound of Garlike, why I never eat Garlike in all my Life;
I say a Pomegarnate, which is almost like an Apple.
Apples to my Dinner, and what to my Supper? quick∣ly, quickly.
Why to your Supper you shall have a Couple of Olives.
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Nay that's not much amisse, for that is two leggs of Beef stuft with Parsley.
You are deceived Sirrah, for an Olive is no bigger then a Plum.
How Apples to my Dinner, and Plums to my Supper, O my belly, my belly, my belly; why Master you have kil'd me already, but i'le tell ye how ye must use me; at Eight of Clock you must call me up; but ye must not make too much hast, for I must have half an hours scratching before I can put on my Shirt; then betwixt nine and ten I must be at break∣fast, and from eleven to one at Dinner, then I must go to sleep till three, then I must have my Afternoons Nunching, then at five of the Clock my Supper; and then what work you will all the day after, but you must not feed me with Apples and Plums, for I must have my fill five times a day of Beef, Brewis, Bag-Puddings and Pies. Oh how my Teeth waters to think on them, besides odd bits in a Corner; and if you'l deal thus with me, I'le dwell with you, and doe all this that I have promised you.
That's eat your Victuals and sleep.
Why aye and something else too, though it be no great manners to speak on't.
But art thou sure my Father is gone for England?
Am I sure? why I tell ye, he is in England long ago.
Do you hear young Master, though you be my Master, yet I am your Elder, and therefore your better, and alwaies while ye live, learn to let your betters go afore ye.
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Ha, ha, the world's well amended with me by-Lady, why? I am as plumb as a pudding now, for ever fince I came to my young Master, I have been so pust up with good chear, that Barly puddings are no meat, nor Cheese-cakes, nor Custards, no banquetting stuffe with me; for as soon as ever we ca, me into England, my young Master goes to the Court present∣ly where he and I were Counterpain'd with such implements as passes; I am tost up and down like a Shittlecock in every bo∣dies mouth; for who but Master Sparrow, the greatest Traveller that has been at cost twenty Nobles and Jerico, and I cannot tell ye where; but for all that I was serv'd a Sluttish trick to day, for my Master being bidden to great a Gentlemans house to din ner, took me along with him to wait at the Table; wel as they were at Dinner, the Serving men as they took off the meat set it before the fire to keep it warm for themselves: I seeing the good chear standing in battle Ray, and having not broke my fast of all day, I began to draw near the fire, and look over my shoulder upon the victuals, at last I spyed a Fat legg of Pork; O how my Teeth did water to look upon't! I had not stood long, but seeing every body busie, I whipt the legg of Pork into my Pocket, and stood very mannerly with my hands at my back, as though I had done nothing; but it was not long, e're the Fat Pork with the heat of the Fire began to fry out of my Slops, & all the dogs in the House came Snukering and licking about my Breeches, and not content with that, but one unmannerly Cur above all the rest, popt his Nose into my Pocket, snatcht out the leg of Pork, & tore ••way all the tone side of my Breeches, that I was sain to go out edgling like a Crab ifaith; put i'le ne're
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steal Pork again while I live, i'le have one bit of Mutton what∣some're comes on't ifaith.
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Shall I go meet the King too Master?
I Sir, you shall attend upon my friend.
But I pray tell me one thing, is the King a Man or a Woman?
He is a Man.
Well, I shall never love him while I live, for a Cosin of his, the King of Clubs made me loose six pots of Ale, at Mother Bunches ifaith.
Well Sir go along with him.
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See where he lies even yielding up the ghost.
If it be he, he hath a mould Wart underneath his Ear.
View him good Mother, satisfie your mind.
It is my Husband, Oh my dearest Lord!
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Notes
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* 1.1
The Pogan takes the Halter from his own Neck, and put's it a∣bout Sparrows neck, and runs away.