A treatise of marriage with a defence of the 32th article of religion of the Church of England : viz. bishops, priests and deacons are not commanded by God's law either to vow the state of single life, or to abstain from marriage : therefore it is lawful for them, as for all other men, to marry at their own discretion, as they shall judge the same to serve better to godliness.

CHAP. III. Qualifications requisite in them that marry. (Book 3)

AS for the Qualifications of a Husband or Wife, I would advise all to look at true Religion in the first place, that those that marry, may be said to marry in the Lord. If I mi∣stake not, this was that King James advised Prince Henry unto, v. B.Δ. 2 b.p. 72. &c. When Solomon married the Daughters of a strange god, then he fell to tolerate, if not to worship their Idols.

Next to Religion, I should commend a Suit∣able Disposition, and a Conformity in Manners,

that man and wife may delight in the society and converse one of another. And as I would not have a man or woman marry meerly o•• chiefly by their eyes or fancies; so neither would I advise a marriage betwixt those that have an aversness or antipathy at first sight each to other. I would have a natural, free and un∣enforced affection before marriage. When there is no other affection 'twixt parties than what is the fruit of Ratiocination, or Syllogisms, I would never perswade a marriage: Syllogistical love, such as is raised thus:

• Every man must love his wife:
• But this woman is my wife;
• Therefore I ought to love her.

And so on the part of the woman in reference to her husband.

• Every woman must love her own husband:
• This man is my husband;
• Therefore I must love him.

I say, this love goes so far about, that it is like to be long before it bring home affections. Nature is always at hand, and natural affecti∣ons are up at first view; but Reason, Religion and Grace too, are sometimes to seek, or held off at distance by Passion. 'Tis true notwith∣standing,

that those that match meerly by the eye, many times meet with their match, an eye∣sore, or a very thorn in their eye; and that beau∣ty which was a Loadstone to attract their love, proves a snare to others, and a torment to them∣selves, whilst it draws others eyes to the same object, and occasions jealousie. And if neither of these happen, as oftentimes both do, yet a disease, a sickness, or at least old age changes the beautiful 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, into a Chaos; and the most lovely countenance, into an object in which thou wilt say, I have no pleasure.

Next, let me advise you not to marry by the ear, not for honor, or great parentage, and no∣ble Titles; for these without virtue and money, are of small value, an empty sound, a tinkling cymbal, yea, more discord than harmony for the most part in such matches, and hence ordinarily is the worst sort of marriage-musick. Impari∣ty in birth and parentage makes odds, where all should be even; the one oft lords it in this case, and the other is but a servant, and a servant to to their fellow yoke-fellow, a servant, underling to all their high kindred, and often despised by their own servants. 'Tis in such families oft as 'tis in the Family of Hawks, the males are the underlings, and the females have the respect, the glory, the mastery.

I should further advise, not to marry by the hand or weight, meerly for money: To marry

World or Mammon, this is next to marrying the Devil. 'Tis true, a wise Counsellor advised his Son to marry a wife with something, because nothing could be bought in the Market without money: Yet a mateh meerly for money, is not of Gods making, nor mans making, God never ap∣pointed, nor ever approved of such matches; and I have seen a Picture of three marriages, one said to be made by God, another by Love, and a third by the Devil, and this third in the Picture was, when two old covetous wretches married together, that they might joyn house to house, land to land, and bag to bag. It was well observed by Mr. Herbert Palmer, in his lit∣tle piece of making Religion ones business, that he never found in all the Scriptures, amongst all the ends of marriage, that God ordained mar∣riage to make one rich. And if so, then if we will make that the chief end of marriage, which was never by our Maker and the Author of mar∣riage, intended or designed any end at all, how much are we degenerated! how have we de∣graded our selves, and sunk Gods Ordinance in∣to earth, mire and dirt! If I mistake not, the Jews, and our Ancestors the Saxons, used to pur∣chase their wives with gifts or dowries: Hence the custom with us, of laying Gold and Silver upon the Book, in the Solemnization of Matri∣mony, and the Minister's giving it to the Bride; and perhaps also those words in the Office ap∣pointed

on the mans part, with a•• ••y 〈…〉〈…〉 goods I thee endow; and the money given at that time, was an earnest of the rest. A good wife at any rate, is a good bargain. I had much ra∣ther give money to buy a wife, then sell my self to purchase a rich one. Intolerabili nihil est quam faemina dives: he that marries for 100 s. & 1000 s. a 100, a 1000 to one but he is overwiv'd. As he that marries above himself for honour, is like a ship that hath too much sail for its ballast; so he that marries below himself for money, is like a ship over-laden, that hath too much burthen for its sails, and so is in danger of sinking. They that will be rich, fall into temptation, and a snare, and into many foolish and dangerous lusts, which drown men in perdition.

Well then, marry neither only or chiefly for beauty, by the eye; nor for honour, by the ear; nor for money or wealth, by the hand; but find out a meet helper, a suitable yoke∣fellow, one whom you are sure you shall love, because you do love her, and that too for her Virtues and Qualifications, so decently lodged, that you cannot but be pleased to dwell with them.

To conclude this particular about the choice of a wife, and conversation with a wife, let me mind you what Wisdom it self adviseth, name∣ly, To marry in the Lord, A woman that fear∣eth God, of a meek and quiet spirit, in whose

lips is the Law of kindness, in whom your heart can safely trust, a good housewife, that will look well to the ways of her houshold, and will not eat the bread of idleness, Prov. 31.

And that you may hope for such a blessing, the greatest earthly felicity; for your prepara∣tion to marriage, take King James his advice to his Son Prince Henry, Keep your body clean and unpolluted, till you give it to your wife, to whom only it belongeth; for how can you justly crave to be joyned to a pure Virgin, if your body be pol∣luted? why should the one half be clean, and the other defiled?

As for the time of your marriage, defer not to marry till your old age; for marriage was or∣dained to quench the lust of youth. Marry not a woman unable, either through age, nature or ac∣cident for procreation of children; neither mar∣ry one of known evil conditions, or vicious edu∣cation; for the woman is ordained to be a helper, and not a hinderer to man. Add hereunto as ac∣cessions, as that wife Prince adviseth, if they may be had, Beauty, Riches, and Friendship by Alliance in your marriage; because Beauty en∣creaseth your love to your wife, contenting you the better with her, without caring for others; and Riches and great Alliance, do both make her the abler to be a helper to you: Marry especi∣ally to one of your own Religion, weigh and consider how you and your wife can be one

flesh, and keep unity betwixt you, being mem∣bers of two opposite Churches: Disagreement in Religion brings on with it, disagreement in manners. When you are married, saith the Royal Author, keep inviolably your promise made to God in your marriage; and for your behaviour to your wife, the Scripture can best give you counsel there∣in: Treat her as your own flesh, command her as her Lord, cherish her as your helper, rule her as your pupil, and please her in all things reasonable, but teach her not to be curious in things that belongs her not. Ye are the head, she is the body; it is your Office to command, and hers to obey, but yet with such a sweet harmony, as she should be as ready to obey, as you to command; as willing to follow, as ye to go before: Your love being wholly knit unto her, and all her affections lovingly bent to follow your will. Three Rules he especially gives the Prince concerning his wife; Hold her at the Oeconomick Rule of the house, and yet all to be subject to your direction — Keep carefully good and chaste company about her; for women are the frailest Sex — And be never both angry at once, but when you see her in passion, you should with reason danton yours. B.Δ. 2 b. p. 82.