The English Spira being a fearful example of an apostate who had been a preacher many years and then apostatized from his religion, miserably hanged himself, October the 13th, 1684 : giving an account of his dispair, and divers conferences had with him, by several ministers and others of his friends : together with his answer, and papers written by his own hand / left attested by Mr. T. Plant, Mr. H. Collings, Mr. B. Dennis, Mr. B. Keach.

The Effect of a Conference had with Mr. John Child, by T. P. between whom there had been for divers years more than a common Intimacy and Conversation.

MR. Child

signified by a Friend, he had a great desire to speak with T. P. and sent a short Letter to him to that purpose, concluding it thus: [It may be of advantage to the wretched Soul of him who was formerly known to you by the name of John Child.]

T. P.

gave him a meeting, and found him in a very dejected and despairing frame, full of horror and confusion, crying out, (as soon as his Tears would give him leave) that his condition was exceed∣ing bad; that he was a miserable wretch; that he had sinned at an extraordinary rate; that there was no mercy for him; he had been guilty of those things spoken of Psal. 50.19, 20. and that the 22th verse was a dreadful word to him; for as God had there threat∣ned, so he would do to him, even tear him in pieces.

T. P.

God there calls upon men who had forgotten him, to con∣sider in order to Repentance.

Mr. Child.

Yea, so it was, and that sometime gave me a little hope; but it was quickly over. (And rising up and walking, smote his breast, saying,) Sir, I am damned, I am damned; it is most certainly so! my day is over. Oh that it were with me as in days past! but it is too late: The Decree is gone forth, it is sealed in Heaven, and it is irreversible: Jesus cannot now save me; he will not, he cannot mediate for me, I have so much offended him, in maliciously abusing his People.—Oh what a Wretch was I! what a 〈…〉〈…〉

T. P.

Remember the goodness of God to Mankind.

Mr. Child.

That is a truth still, that is a truth still, but I cannot lay hold on it: and by how much the more I have believed and asserted it, so much the greater is my Sin and the aggravation of my Condemnation.

T. P.

Remember what the Prophet speaks, Jer. 3.5, 12, 13. Will he reserve his anger for ever— Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldst, Go and proclaim these words— Return thou backsliding Israel— I am merciful, saith the Lord, I will not keep anger for ever, only acknowledge thine iniquity—

T. P.

Knowing his former temper of Spirit, told him, he feared his Pride and Ambition had prompted him to do and publish such things, whereof he now felt the unsupportable smart.

Mr. Child.

This is true, Pride and Covetousness hath ruined me, it hath undone me, I have been too much influenced thereby; I have been an Hypocrite; I am so now; I seem to repent; I do not, I cannot repent.

T. P.

I advise you to take care of your health, and consult with some able Physician, lest this distress and horror of mind bring you under such Distempers as may render you more uncapable of recei∣ving that advice and comfort that may be offered to you from the Word of God.

Mr. Child

walking to the end of the Room, turned back with a very stern countenance, and striking his hand on his breast, said, No, Sir, I cannot pamper this Body, for God will have it made a remarkable Example to this Generation.

T. P.

I advise you to frequent hearing the Word of God.

Mr. Child.

I have no inclination to it.

T. P.

Offered that some should come and improve some hours in Prayer to God for him; but to this Mr. Child gave no answer.

This is the substance of what passed betwixt us about the begin∣ning of August. And soon after, going a Journey, I saw him no more.

Many other Passages, to the like effect, were uttered from Mr. Child, with which his countenance, gestures, and whole behaviour, bore such a proportion, as were sufficient to evidence to all persons of understanding and sobriety, who had formerly known him, and then heard and beheld him, that he apprehended the Arrows of the Almighty to stick fast in him, and that the troubles, darkness, confusions, horrors and affrightments of his Soul, were not less, if they were not much more, than his Tongue exprest. In the dread

and fear of the righteous Judgments of him who is the searcher of all hearts, whom this Man had so highly offended, in sinning a∣gainst the light and checks of his Conscience, I suffer not my thoughts to run out concerning his Eternal Estate. His remorse of Conscience, self-condemnation, frequent asking forgiveness of his offended Brethren, begging the Prayers of others, and attempts to pray himself, seemed to savour of that which himself would not al∣low to be called repentance, perhaps because his publick recanta∣tion of the injuries done to his Brethren (which he acknowledged to be just, but by reason of shame, and thereby exposing himself to sufferings and losses, he could not bring his heart throughly to con∣sent to it) were by some made the terms of it. And however it pleaseth God, in his long-suffering, to permit, without an open re∣buke, such as make it a trade, for gain sake, without any distin∣ction of persons, as ignorantly as maliciously to brand and calum∣niate a whole Society, with the high Crimes committed by some few that bear their Name, to the scandal and grief of all their Bre∣thren, yet our God is a terrible God, that accepteth no man's per∣son, nor taketh rewards, but is known by the Judgments he execu∣teth; and in this Person we have a dreadful Instance of his High Displeasure against such, who by their Conversation amongst their Brethren, know how to distinguish between the guilty and the in∣nocent, and yet will dare presumptuously, for private and selfish ends, hypocritically, and against the dictates of their own Know∣ledge and Conscience, maliciously to accuse a whole Party, as guilty of such things, whereof he knows, (if there be any) it is but here and there one among thousands, that have ever administred any occasion for such an accusation: which may be a warning to us all how we offend in the like kind.