Divine contemplations, and spiritual breathings of Mr. Henry Dorney

1648. To B. J. D. N^o 4.

COnsidering mine own weakness, and remembring you are in the same Body; and withall, considering that mutual Communications (by Pen or Speech) is required to help each other, and stir up one another to the relish and practice of Christian Walking, I thought fit (in meer discharge of duty) to represent my present thoughts to you. And that I may de∣clare more distinctly the state of my Soul to you, I pass by the general Complainings and Bewailings which oftentimes arise from pretended religious Complement, or carnal Sloth; to a more particular Account.

I find the Reputation of the World doth much beguile me; especially when I have to do with Men neither grosly wicked, nor strictly good. And I find Intimacy with these Men, and in their Actions

of Indifferency, do plague my Soul with such cold∣ness, driness and guilt, that (methinks) sometimes I part from them, as Tamar from Amnon, full of in∣ward shame and disquiet. Let me at any time go out of God's sight to act things, though indifferent in their nature, yet when Conscience calls for any spiritual duty or discourse, methinks 'tis like the voice that came to Adam in the Cool of the Day. I find also a strange influence upon my heart from the ways of coveting any worldly Advantage. Well was this wickedness called Idolatry; for it doth im∣portunately draw my ear, and draw my eye and heart from the Lord, to admire and covet after vain Enjoyments; and yet I cannot say that to this day I ever wanted any good thing. This I find to be both a deceiving and unprofitable Lust, spoiling the com∣fort of my Soul, and not enriching my Body, nor ever adding one Cubit to my Stature. Nothing doth ever make the thought of any misery miserable to me, but the reflections of a betrayed heart; and they stare upon me, as Delilah did on Sampson when his strength was gone, and the Philistins were upon him; and then my Soul is as weak as Water. But should I go to number up the Deceits that are with∣in me, they are innumerable? only 'tis some ease, now and then, to open the Imposthume, as to God, so also to good Men. I know not how far your sense of the same, or other infirmities may oppress you, but I know you wear about with you the same Nature as I do, though, I hope, more enabled to strive against the Stream of Nature than I am: but whatever strength you have, I am sure it comes from above; and indeed I must needs say, and my heart rejoyceth at the mention, that I am not forsaken in this Conflict; my Redeemer is strong, and mine in∣firmities

are judged already, and shall not afflict me for ever. I am directed to a sure Remedy, Psal. 37. 3, 4, 5. and shall lay it before you (if your disease be mine) viz. to trust in the Lord in well doing only; Delight in the Lord, and commit your way to him: let this Physick have its true work, and the Truth of God is engaged for a Recovery. Some∣times I am (as it were) venturing on such a Resign∣ment as this Trusting, Delighting, and Committing doth signifie; and (methinks) the very Resolution so to do, as a Beam of God's Power and Love, doth rejoyce my heart in hope. Doubtless it is a heaven∣ly Life to give up all our delight, our trust, and commit all our way unto the Lord: and doubtless, that is the way to fight against our Lusts with much advantage, when we are got above them; and in our Resignment to God, have engaged him in the Quarrel. I know the advantage is very great, by some little sparks of it. And I never knew that I got power against one Lust of heart, or evil way, but by being first (as it were) dissolved into the Lord, and then appearing against it in his power. When God and I am made one through Christ, in opposition to my own sins, and am no longer mine own, but his, and my faith acting through this Uni∣on; then I must, yea, and I may say, Doth the strength and snares of Temptation vanish at his appearing; And happy is that Soul that appears in no other strength but his. But while I am writing, my heart doth accuse my Pen, for hinting an Enjoyment be∣yond what I have. I can only say this; something of this I have already tasted, and more I earnestly hope for, as the only Remedy for a weak, captiva∣ted, dismayed heart. I pray, let me hear how it fa∣reth with you; that we may in the Lord, help one

another, and build up one another in the most holy Faith, &c.