The mourner directory, guiding him to the middle way betwixt the two extreams, defect, excess of sorrow for his dead to which is added, The mourners soliloquy / by Thomas Doolittle ...

CHAP. IX. Resolves this Question, When is our Sor∣row for our Dead, excessive and immo∣derate?

THe Second Part of the propounded Me∣thod in treating of this sorrowful Subject, is to shew, When our Sorrow for our Dead, is ex∣cessive and immoderate?

That in some it is Defective, especially in Spiritual Respects, hath been already shewed, and wherein it doth come short of what it ought to be; that it is excessive and immode∣rate in others, the Practice of many deprived of their Relations by Death, is a visible Proof, and the Caution and Charge given in the Text, doth suppose that some do exceed the bounds, and that their Tears do overflow the Banks of Moderation, and make a Land∣stood in their Families.

So far as it hath already been discovered to be turbulent, it is excessive; which here should be reviewed; to which some more might be added.

The Apostle's Golden Rule should be our Christian Directory, for the moderating of our Joy and Sorrow, in having or losing the outward Enjoyments of this Life. 1 Cor. 7.29. But this I say, Brethren, the timt is short; it re∣maineth that both they that have wives, be as though they had none. 33. And those that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoyced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; and they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashi∣on of this world passeth away. In which Rule we might note these things. (1.) Some have their Wives, Husbands, Parents, Chil∣dren yet continuing with them: Others have none, because by death taken from them. 2. Those that have them, are apt to ••ver-joy in them; those that have lost them, are prone to over-sorrow for them. (3.) Those that have them, shall shortly be in the same circumstances as those that are by death deprived of them: Ours are dead, and yours shortly will be so. Life is so short, and the end of all so near and sure, that there is little and no long difference betwixt the state of one and of the other. (4.) Those that have Wives and other Relations, should sometimes suppose themselves to be in the Circumstances of those that have none; that the thoughts that shortly they

shall have none, might correct their excessive joy while they have them; for though you have them, you should he as though you had them not: looking upon Relations that short∣ly will not be, as if now already they were not, is a point of prudence, for the modera∣ting of our joy in them. Those that have them not, should suppose this will be the case of those that have, for the allaying of their sorrow; that now this is their present state. (5.) The reasons of this indifferency of our Spirits, in these different Circumstances of our Life. (1.) The time is short; those that have Fathers and Mothers, Wife, Husband or Children, shall have them but for a short time: Why then are your hearts transpor∣ted with so much joy, when you might stand and see the end of them? those that are deprived of them, have themselves but a lit∣tle time to live: Why then are you so much cast down for so short a want of them? (2.) All these things are but as a shadow, or an appearance of good, rather than that good wherein our happiness doth lie, and the solid, spiritual abiding comfort of our life doth consist: it is but the fashion of this world, an accidental and External Fi∣gure without substance, the surface and outside. What is all that is in this world, that is of the world, but a meer surface,

and vain outside? why then do we joy so much, or sorrow so much, whether we have them, or be without them? (3.) They are in continual change; like Water in the Ri∣ver, is continually, every moment passing away. What! are these things neither sub∣stantial, nor continual, and shall we be over-affected with the having, or the losing of them? Christians should do as to Temporals, as Worldings do in Spirituals; these pray as if they prayed not; they can confess sin, and neith••r weep without, nor sorrow within: they are under the loss of the fa∣vour of God, and yet are as contented as if they were not; they can ask for an in∣terest in Christ, pardon of sin, and eter∣nal Salvation, and yet not be much trou∣bled for the present, though they go with∣out them for ever: they can sit and hear the threatnings of God, and never fear nor grieve; can sit and hear the glad tidings of the Gospel, and never rejoice; hear all as if they heard them not; or if they have some movings of Affections, they are not deep, they reach not the heart: they do not break their hearts for sin against God, nor for the loss of God, so much as some do for the loss of a Creature.

Let such as are immoderately weeping for their dead, stop their Tears that they may read, compose t••eir minds for a while at first, that they may consider what is said, and command their Sorrow to give place to Reason and Religion; or if they have not such command over, it, should earnestly pray to God that hath, that they might at last not sorrow with such excess of sorrow, as if they had no hope of the blessed present and future state of those they thus do sorrow for. Let me propound some Questions to you, and let Reason and Conscience in your Sorrow give in their Answer, if it be not sorrow in excess.

Q. 1. Is your sorrow for your Dead so much, as in the degrees of it, tends to the shortning of your own Life; and is it not then too much? Is your Relation dead, and will you therefore kill your self? hath death bro∣ken the Relation you had in the Fifth Commandment, and will you go on to transgress the Sixth? hath Death killed one, and will you kill another, and so bring in Death upon Death into your Fami∣ly, and invite and call it in, to make Freach upon Breach? Do you complain of Deaths doings, and will you do as Death hath done? do you grieve and sorrow for

the death of another, and by your grief and sorrow will you be your own death, and yet not yield your sorrow is too much? do you sorrow because yours are lodged in the Grave, and do you thus hasten to go to them? though God hath put an end to their lives, yet hath not he bound you by all lawful means to preserve your own? and to avoid whatsoever hath so great a tendency to cut it short? or, do not you know that excessive grief often is the cause of death? Did you never read in the Bills of Mortality, that some, that many have died with grief, and killed themselves with sor∣row? or did you never mind the difference given by the Apostle, betwixt godly sorrow, and sorrow of the World, for worldly Losses? and is not your sorrow such in th••s case? 2 Cor. 7.10. for godly sorrow work∣eth r••pentance to salvation, not to be repented of; but the sorrow of the world worketh death: That sorrow that is for worldly los∣ses and crosses, proceeding from the over-much love of these Creature-Comforts, doth hu•••• the Body, and hasten death temporal; and doth wrong the Soul, because sinful, and doth deserve death eternal; for the wages of every sin is death temporal and eternal. Rom. 6.23. and will you so sorrow for another dead body, as thereby to deserve the dam∣nation

of your own Soul, and yet not say it is too much? When your Spirit is bro∣ken, your heart is broken, how can you live? and what will break it? Prov. 15.13. By sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. Prov. 17.22. A broken spirit drieth the bones. Psal. 6.7. My eye is consumed because of grief. Immoderate sorrow drieth the Bones, breaks the Heart, preys upon the Spirits, consu∣meth the Vital Parts, and by all, hastens death; and therefore not to be cherished, but avoided.

Q. 2. Is not that sorrow that must be sor∣rowed for, exc••ssive sorrow? See the strait you bring your self into: You sorrow too much, and because you do so, you must sorrow more; and so add sorrow to sorrow' when it is, and because it is too much already; you have more than you ought, and yet you have not so much as you should: you must have sorrow for your sorrow, and yet you want sorrow for your sorrow: Your eyes run down with tears for your dead, more than they should; and when you should weep for your excessive sorrow, you ha••e not a tear to shed. Why do you waste your tears? for what, and more than you should? and then want tears for what you ought to shed them for: Excessive

sorrow is a sin, because it is excessive; and sinful sorrow must be sorrowed for, and repented of, or how will you else get the pardon of that known Sin? What do you mean then by sorrow, to draw on sorrow? and so to weep that you must weep over your weeping? and to shed tears over again for the tears that you have shed? if you cannot bear this sorrow that you are fil∣led with already, why by this sorrow do you make way for more? and fo depth of sorrow calling for depth of sorrow, you at last must swim in tears, where you cannot wade through.

Q 3. Is not that sorrow too much, that doth hurt, and no good? is sorrow good in it self as sorrow? Then all sorrow would be good: Whereas much sorrow is often evil, and too much is always evil; because as such it doth hurt, and not good. Whom doth your sorrow do good unto? not to your dead, be it never so much; not to your Relations that live, for you, grieve them by over grieving, and makes your company a burthen, and un∣profitable to them: not to your self, neither to Body, o•• to Soul, for it is pre∣judicial unto both, as before was made ma∣nifest.

Q. 4. Is not that sorrow too much for your dead, which would be too much for your sin? Many are defective in sorrowing, for sin; few sorrow too much for sin; yet men may be, and some are excessive in their sor∣row for sin, insomuch that their sorrow for sin is turned into sinful sorrow; as when they are so overwhelmed with sor∣row for sin, as unsits them for other Go∣spel Duties, and drives them from Christ, and sinks them into despair; which sorrow is excessive; and God gives caution and charge against such sorrow sor our sin. 2 Cor 2.7. So that cantrariwise, ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him; lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with ov••rmuch sorrow. When sorrow for sin doth more hurt than good, it is over-much, and so is our sorrow for our dead.

Q. 5. Is not that sorrow too much for your dead, which is more than you have for your sin? Is not sorrow upon the account of some present evil that is upon us, as joy is for some present good? and should not the degree of our sorrow bear some proportion to the greatness of the evil that is the cause and reason of our sor∣row?

Is not sin against God a greater evil than any (besides sin) doth fall upon us? Is not your own dead heart, and cold af∣fections towards God, a greater evil than the dead Corps, and cold Flesh in the Grave, which is the cause of all this sorrow? Now when your sorrow is more for the lesser evil, than it is for the greater, judge if your sorrow for the greater is not too small, and your sorrow for the lesser••, over-much and excessive?

Q. 6. Is not that sorrow over-much, which carries our thoughts down into the Grave, to think of their Dead Corps, but hinders them from ascending into Heaven, to meditate upon the the Eternal Ever-living God? What a shame and reproach is it to us, that a dead Wife, or a dead Child, or a dead Father or Mother, should have more of our Thoughts, than God, and Christ, and things above? and that the Bodies of our departed Relations con∣suming in their Graves, should have more of our thoughts, than their Souls triumphing in Heaven have? that it is so, our excessive sorrow doth testifie to our faces; for we cannot say, nor do pretend to sorrow for the Soul in Heaven;

is it not then for the Body in the Grave? And why should not the Joy the Immor∣tal part is filled with, abate our Sorrow for the Corruptible part, though it be consuming, if our thoughts were as much with the Soul in Heaven, as they are with the Body in the Grave? Let these Excessive Mourners ingenuously confess, if they have not twenty thoughts of the Dead Body, for one serious heart affecting Thought they have of God and Christ, and the living triumphant Soul above? for would not the one cause Joy, as others do Sorrow; and so our Joy mitigate, be equal to, or exceed our Sorrow? if it be not so, it is easy to judge your sor∣row is over-much.

Q. 7. Is not your sorrow over-much, when it hinders you, and keeps you from rejoycing in God, from praising of him, and giving thanks unto him, for the mer∣cies you have mixed with your affliction? Have not you more Mercies left, than you have lost? have not you greaeter Mer∣cies continued, than are removed? is your Earthly Father dead? but have not you still a Father in Heaven? is your Wife dead? but is not your Soul married to Christ? and though the Conjugal Union

be broken by Death, yet doth not the Mystical Union betwixt Christ and you still remain? have not you the pardon of Sin, the favour of God, the sense of his Love, and Hopes of Heaven? seriously set these over against your Dead, and say, if you have not more cause to rejoice in God, and give him thanks for these, than you have to mourn for your Dead; and whether God doth not command you more, and give you a stricter charge sor these to rejoice in him, than to mourn for your Dead? and consequently is the grand constant Duty you owe to God all the days of your Life; and are you so much indebted to your dead as you are to the Living God? Was their Life of so much worth to you, as your Re∣lation to God is, and your Receivings from him? see your Duty, and cease from that which hinders your perfor∣mance of it. Phil. 3.1. Finally, my Brethren, rejoice in the Lord. Whatsoever state you are in, serve God with joyful hearts. Phil. 4.4. Rejoice in the Lord al∣way, and again, I say, rejoice: Always rejoice in the Lord: What? wh••n my Father, or Mother, or Child, Wife, or Husband lieth dead in my House, or is newly lodged in the Grave? Is

it not alway you are commanded to rejoice? is there this Exception, when you have any Relation dead, that then this should be no Duty? Have not Christians always greater cause of rejoycing in the Lord, than they have of sorrow for Worldly Losses? is not holy joy in the Lord, and a thankful praising of God, the very Flower of Religion, and makes us most like the Angels and Saints above? but can you thus rejoice, and praise, and magnifie God, and triumph in his Love and Grace, when you are over∣whelmed with sorrow for the loss of Worldly Comforts? and is not that sor∣row too much, that unfits you for this constant, standing Duty? 1 Thes. 5.16. Rejoice evermore; 17. Pray without cea∣sing. 18. In every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ concerning you. Whatever a true Believer doth lose, he should rejoice, because the Grounds, and Reasons, and Causes of Joy do still remain: and in every Case and Condition of life, should give thanks to God; for as much as the Good that continueth to him, doth exceed the E∣vils that do befal him: This is God's revealed Will; making it our

Duty, for the great Blessings we receive from him by Christ. Job's sorrow for the loss of ten Children in one day by a strange unusual death, added to all his for∣mer Losses (making his Case more sorrow∣ful than yours) was kept within such Bounds, as that he was able, even then to bless and praise the Lord. Job 1.19. —They are dead— 21. He said, naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord. In your sorrow, try if you can do so; if not, judge whether it be not over-much.

Q. 8. Is not that sorrow for your dead over-much which doth deaden your Heart towards God in all Holy Duties? You were wont to pray with a lively Heart, and to hear the Word of God with warm Affections, but now you pray with a dead Heart, and hear with dull Affections. Your Love, and De∣sires, and Delights are become as cold in your Duties, as your Relations Corps are in the Grave: What have you done in your sorrow, taken away a lively Heart towards God, and laid a dead Child, a dead Father, or Wife in the room of it? Like the Wo∣man in Solomon's Reign, whose Child did die in the Night, and there being another

Woman in the House that had a living Child, rose, and while the living Child's Mother did sl••ep, took her living Child out of her Bosom, and laid her dead Child in her Bosom in the room of the living Child: But these two Women contended before Solomon, one saying, The living Child is mine, but the dead Child is thine; the o∣ther also said, The dead Child is thine, but the living Child is mine, 1 Kings 3.16 to 24. Solomon commanded a Sword to be brought to divide the living Child, and to give half to the one, and half to the other. The true Mothers Bowels yearning towards her Child, said, O my Lord, give her the living Child, and by no means slay it; the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it; whereby the King discern∣ed the Natural Mother, and commanded the living Child to be given to her, ver. 24, 25, 26, 27.

Love filled your Heart to your living Child, Sorrow fills your Heart for your dead Child. You had a lively frame of Heart, when your Child was living, but now it is dead through over-much sorrow, you have laid your dead Child in your Bosom in the room of that Activity of Soul that before you had towards God, and you lay claim to the

dead Child, this dead Child is my Child: Alas this Child that is dead is mine! But whose is your H••art and Love, God's, or your Child's? Take heed, this be not the true answer during this fit of excessive sor∣row, it is not all God's, ••or all the Child's, but you have divided it between both, and given half to the Living God, and half to the Dead Child. That sorrow that causeth you to make this division is excessive sor∣row.

Q. 9. Is not that sorrow for your dead over-much, when it all runs out to them, that you are not sensible of, nor concerned for the Cala∣mities of the Church, nor Afflictions and Suf∣ferings of the People of God? All your sor∣row is contracted, and all your Tears run in this one Channel for your dead Father, or Mother, Husband, Wife, or Children; are not the Concerns of the Church of God greater than your Selfish Matters? Are not the Sufferings, and Calamities, Martyrdom by Burning, and Wracking, and Tortu∣ring of many dear to God, greater Evils than the Natural death of your Relations? Did Christ shed his Blood for his Church, and amongst all your Tears for your dead, cannot you drop one for the Suffering Church of God? Are Men shedding their

Blood, and for this cannot you shed a Tear, when you have so many for one dead Child, or Husband, or Wife? Should not the Concerns of the Glory of God in Publick Affairs lye nearer your Heart than a dead Relation, and wound deeper, and make you sorrow more? You are ready to die with grief for one Child. I will tell you of one that lost two Sons in a Battel at once, when also the Ark of God was taken; and when he heard of the death of his two Sons he bore up, but as soon as mention was made of the taking of the Ark of God, he fell down and died. This was Eli, 1 Sam. 4.17, 18. And his Daugh∣ter in Law that was with Child near to be Delivered, hearing that the Ark of God was taken, fell into Travail; the Women about her comforted her, saying, Thou hast born a Son, but she made them no answer, and regarded it not. She called the Childs Name Icha∣bod, that is, Where is the Glory? For the Glory is departed from Israel, because the Ark of the Lord is taken. She sorrowed indeed for her Husband that was dead, and for her Father-in-law that was dead, but more for the Ark of the Lord that was taken by the Enemies; for she mentioneth this over and over, and gives up the Ghost and dies, 1 Sam. 4.19. to the end. David

when his Child was dead, leaves sorrow∣ing for him, and prayeth for the Church, Psal. 51.18. But you cannot mitigate your sorrow for your dead so much as to sor∣row for the Evils that befall to the Church, nor pray to God to help her to bear them, or that he would remove them; and while it is so, your sorrow for your dead is ex∣cessive and immoderate sorrow.

Q 10. Is not that sorrow for your dead ex∣cessive and immoderate, whereby you do dis∣credit Religion, become a stumbling-block to those that are already too much prejudiced against the Holy Ways of God. While they see you thus all in constant Tears, how are they ready to reflect upon and reproach your Profession, and say, Is this their Hope and Confidence in God, whereof they spake when all was well with them? Is this their living by Faith, when Creature-Comforts fail them? Is this their boasting of God as their All-suffici∣ent Portion; and that they could find satis∣fying Comfort in one God, when all outward Enjoyments are taken away? Where is their trusting in the Promises of God, and their re∣lying upon his Word? Where is their profiting by so much hearing? And where is the return to all their praying? They said, All things work together for their good; if they find it so,

why do they weep and mourn as if all things did work together for their hurt? They said, There were such props and stays in their Reli∣gion as to b••ar up their Hearts in the sorest Affl••ction, why then are they thus disquieted a∣bove other Men? And why do their Hearts sink, and their Spirits fail them more than o∣ther Mens? They could speak comfortable words to others in Affliction, but now it is come up∣on them, they find no comfort in their own words, were they any more than words, vain and empty talk? Are they not ready to re∣tort up••n you as Job's Friends upon him, Job 4.3. Behold thou hast instructed many, and thou hast strengthened the weak hands. 4. Thy words have upholden him that was falling, and thou hast strengthened the feeble knees. 5. But now it is come upon thee, and thou faintest; ••t toucheth thee, and thou art troubled. 6. Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways? Do you harden Mens Hearts by your ex••essive sorrow, and is not that too much by which you ren∣der Religion less Amiable in the Eyes of Men?

Q. 11. Is not that sorrow for your Dead ever-much, whereby your submission to the Will of God is caused to be suspected? if you sub∣mit, why are you not quieted? If you ac∣quiesce

in God's Dealings, why do you carry your self as if you were discontented at his doings? Do not so many, and so long-continued Tears look like the Tears of a murmuring, repining, discontented Mourner? Is not your Carriage more like a Disputer with God, than a patient Bearer of his Hand? You might have a sense and feeling of his Rod, and yet submit; but what so••row is inconsistent with submission, is too much.

Q. 12. Is not that sorrow for your dead, whereby you lose much of your little time to be allowed you, excessive and immoderate? Are not your days few, your Life short, and hasting away; and have you nothing else to do with your time but to waste it in such mourning for those that are removed out of time into Eternity? Have not you much greater, and more necessary work to do for your own Soul? Have not you the Pardon of Sin to get, which every day you do commit? Have not you many Corrupti∣ons further to subdue? Have not you many Duties to perform for your self, and to∣wards your Relations that yet do live? Have not you Children to instruct in the Principles of Religion? Have not you many Temptations to resist, and many vain and sinful Thoughts to pray against, and beg that

they might not lodge in your Mind, nor find any quiet Entertainment there? Have not you many Doubt s to be resolved, and many Fears to be expelled? Have not you Assurance yet to seek, and your own Death to be prepared for; if all this Work stand still, while your time is passing away in mourning for your dead, your sorrow is immoderate.