Of wisdom three books / written originally in French by the Sieur de Charron ; with an account of the author, made English by George Stanhope ...

CHAP. XXVII. Loss of Friends.

BY Friends, I understand Children, Relations, and all whom Nature or Acquaintance have rendred near and dear to us.

And here, first of all, we shall do well to examine pretty strictly into the true soundation of this Concern; whether the Complaints we utter, the Tears we shed, and all the sor∣row and tender Resentments we pretend, be grounded upon their Interest, or our own. I make no question, but every Man will answer, that he grieves for their sakes; but then most People must give us leave to doubt the Truth of this; and not take it ill, if we be Infidels in the case, till satisfied by some more substantial Argument, than the meer authority of having their bare word for it. It is but an officious Dis∣simulation of tenderness and natural Affection, to put on an inconsolable Melancholy, and be eternally lamenting the Misfortunes of our Friends, or the Dangers and Calamities of the Publick; for would we but draw aside the Curtain, and probe our Souls to the quick, Self would be found at the bottom, and the true cause of our Griefs will appear to be that private Interest of our own, which is involved, and

interwoven with theirs, this is the very thing that affects us so sensibly. And what is this but a spice of Envy, rather than true and generous Affection? For that very Death, or absence of our Friends, which we bewail under the specious Title of their Loss and Misfortune, is in reality their mighty Gain, and greatest Advantage.* 1.1 The true use and conse∣quence of Death is the putting a final and absolute Period to Men's Miseries, the placing them in a condition incapable of suffering. Had God in his Wisdom intended us a happier and more easie Being upon Earth, no doubt he would have contrived, that it should have lasted longer. But, as Matters now stand, and considering the Evils our Lives are beset with, it is a mercy he hath made them so short.

If then we would speak out, and confess the truth impar∣tially, this Affliction looks at home, and we lament the loss, because our own Affairs suffer in it. Now this at the first blush is evidently dishonourable and selfish; and we shall have much ado to justifie our being sorry, that those we pro∣fess so dearly to love are in ease and happiness. If we loved them, as our Saviour says, in the like case, we should much rather rejoyce; and if they loved us, it is but a decent gra∣titude to be content with some inconveniences, when the suf∣fering of these is softned by the consideration of their un∣speakable Advantage. For† 1.2 to be troubled at our own Loss may argue that we love our selves, but it can never prove, that we love our Friends.

But, after all, there is an excellent and never failing Re∣medy in store for our Affliction, which all the malice and power of Fate can never wrest out of our hands. And that is, a Reflection, that these Losses are not irreparable: For so long as we survive our Friends, so long we have oppor∣tunities of making new ones. Friendship is one of the great∣est Blessings humane Life can boast of; and there is this mighty advantage in it, which other happinesses cannot pre∣tend to, that it is one of the easiest to be attained. God makes Men, but Men make Friends: And they that do not want Virtue, need never want Friends; for this is the instru∣ment of acquiring them; and that which will always be serviceable in supplying the number of those that are taken from us. If then Fortune hath robbed us of this Treasure,

let us take care to reimburse our selves; and by this means we shall be so far from living destitute, that the parting with those we had, will only give us an opportunity of enlarging our Affections wider, and adding to the number.

Of Death.

THis Subject hath been already treated of so largely and fully in the Eleventh Chapter of the Second Book, that I have nothing new to offer upon it here. And therefore to avoid being tedious to my Reader, by cloying him with Re∣petitions, I shall only beg his leave to refer him back to that Passage.

The second Division of Evils, consisting of such as are Internal, to wit, the Disquieting Passions of our own Minds.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Moerere hoc eventum, invidi magis quam amici est.
• † 1.2

  Suis incommodis angi, non amicum, sed seipsum amantis est.