The legacy of a dying mother to her mourning children being the experiences of Mrs. Susanna Bell, who died March 13, 1672 : with an epistle dedicatory by Thomas Brooks ...

A TRUE RELATION OF Some of the EXPERIENCES of Mrs. SUSANNA BELL, taken from her own Mouth by a near Relation of hers, a little before her death. Left as a LEGACY to her Mourning Children.

IT pleased the Lord to order it so, that in my young days I was cast into a Fa∣mily that feared the Lord. And go∣ing to hear Mr. White, preaching from those words, Prov. 15.15 But he that is of a merry heart hath a continual Feast. From th••se words he did shew, how happy a thing a good conscience was, and what a sad thing it was with Judas to have a bad conscience; and what a blessed thing it was to have a good conscience. From that

of Hezekiah, Isa. 38.3. And he said, Re∣member, now, O Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and have done that which i•• good in thy sight. This Sermon God made useful to me; and after this, it pleased the Lord to order it so, that I changed my condition, and the Lord provided for me a good Husband, one that feared him. And some troubles being here, many of the people of God went for New England, and among them my Husband desired to go, but I and my friends were very a verse un∣to it. I having one childe, and being big with another, thought it to be very diffi∣cult to cross the Seas with two small chil∣dren, some of my Neighbors advising me to the contrary, living so well as I did. But I told them that what the Lord would have me to do, that I would willingly do; and then it pleased the Lord to bring that Scripture to my mind, Eph. 5.22. Wives submit your selves unto your own Hus∣bands, as unto the Lord. And then my heart was brought off to a quiet submis∣sion.

But after this, I being well delivered, and the Child well; It pleased the Lord soon after to take my Child to himself: Now upon this, so far as it pleased the Lord to help a poor wretch, I begged ear∣nestly of him, to know why he took a∣way my Child, and it was given in to me, that it was because I would not go to New England. Upon this the Lord took away all fears from my ••pirit, and then I told my Husband I was willing to go with him. For the Lord had made my way clear to me against any that should oppose. And then my husband went presently up∣on the work to fit to go. And the Lord was pl••ased to carry us as upon Eagles wings, according to that Deut. 32 10, 11. We were eight weeks in our passage, and saw nothing but the Heavens and Waters. I knew that the Lord was a great God upon the shore: But when I was upon the Sea, I did then see more of his glorious power then ever I had done before, according to that of the Psalmist, Psal. 107.23, 24. And when the Lord was pleased to bring us in safety on shore, his people gave us

the best entertainment they could, and then I thought I could never be thankful enough to the Lord for his goodness in preserving us upon the Sea, I being big with Childe, and my Husband-sick almost all the Voy∣age. After this my Husband would have gone by water hi••her into the Countrey. But I told him, the Lord having been so good in bringing us saf•• ashore amongst his people, I was not willing to go again to Sea. And it was a good Providence of God we did not; for most of them that went were undone by ••t. The first Sermon that I heard after I came ashore was out of Ier. 2.13. For my people have committed two evils; They have forsaken me the Fountain of living waters, and hewed them out Cisterns; broken Cisterns that can hold no water. Now the Minister did shew, that whatever we did build on short of Christ, would prove but a broken Cistern; and by that Sermon the Lord was pleased to shake my founda∣tion: but I being a poor ignorant creature, thought if I could but get into the fellow∣ship of the People of God, that that would quiet my spirit, and answer all my Objecti∣ons;

And I did accordingly attempt to joyn with the Church, but they were very faith∣ful to the Lord, and my soul, and asked me what Promise the Lord had made home in Power upon me. And I answered them, Jer. 31.3. Yea, I have loved thee with an ever∣lasting love, therefore with loving kindness I have drawn thee. But they told me that that was a general Promise; that I must look to get some particular Promise made home in Power upon me, and perswaded me to wait a little longer ro see what God would fur∣ther do for my poor soul, which accordingly I did. And going to hear Mr. Cotton, who did preach out of Rev. 2.28. To him that o∣ver cometh I will give the Morning-star; from which words he did observe, that that Star was Christ. And this he came to shew, how a soul might know whether it had an inter∣est in Christ or no, and that was by the Lords giving out such precious Promises as these to the poor soul, viz. That God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, 2 Cor. 5.19. and that John 16.2••. And your joy shall no man take from you. And Isa. 54.22. I have blotted out as a thick cloud thy

transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins: and that Isa. 43.••5. which Promises afterwards God made sweet to my soul. After this I went to hear Mr. Shepherd, and he was preach∣ing out of the Parable of the ten Virgins; Matth. 25.1, 13, In his discourse he shewed that all were Professors, but the foolish had nothing, but Lamps without oyle, a Pro∣fession without grace in their hearts: but that the wise had got grace in their hearts, and so were ready prepared to meet the Bridegroom when he came. Now, by that discourse of his the Lord was pleased to convince me that I was a foolish Virgin, and that I made a Profession, but wanted the oyle of grace in my heart, and by this means I was brought into a very sad condition▪ For I did not experimentally know what it was to have oyle in my Lamp, grace in my heart, nor what it was to have union with Christ, that being a mystery to me: And then I did think my self guilty of breaking all the Commandments of God except the sixth. For I thought I had neither desired, wished or endeavoured any mans death. But then the Lord shewed me, that if I were

saved by Christ, my sins had murdered him, according to that Acts 3.15. chap. 4.••0. And th•••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 greatly aggravate my sin the more unto m••. Now one of my Neighbors ob∣serving that I was in a distressed condition, told me that she had been a hearing, and that the Ministe•• she heard was a shew••ng, that the Lord had more glory in the salvati∣on then in the damnation of sinners. For in their salvation, his Mercy and his Justice were both glorified, but in their destructi∣on only his Justice was glorified. Hearing of this, the Lord was pleased to draw out my heart to plead with him. That if he might receive more glory in my salvation then in my destruction, that then his Mercy might be manifested to me. For I thought, although I had many worldly comforts, yet I had no interest in Christ, and that if I should die presently, Hell would be my por∣tion; and in this sad and sore distress, the Lord was pleased to imprint that Scripture upon my mind, Job 10.2. I will say unto God do not condemn me, shew me wherefore thou con∣tendest with me? Job 40.2. Shall he that con∣tendeth with the Almighty, instruct him? he

that reproveth God, let him answer it; and that word of the Apostle, Rom. 9.••0, 21 N••y, but thou, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that form∣ed it, Why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the Potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour. After this, it pleased God, that Mr. Elliott, and some other of the people of God, seeing me in this sad condition, to••d me the Church would have me come in to be a Member with them; but I did reply, that all Church-fellowship would do me no good. Then Mr. Elliott asked me, What would do me good? and I told him, No∣thing but an interest in Christ. His Answer was, That I was already in the pangs of the N••w Birth; and he did believe it would not be long before the Lord spoke peace to my poor soul. After that, reading a book of Dr. Prestons, where he did shew, that when the Lord joyned himself to a believer, he did first comprehend the soul, and then enabling the soul by faith to apprehend him. Which double Act of faith I then knew not. About fourteen days after, considering what a distressed con∣dition

I was in, I was bemoaning my self be∣fore the Lord; and the Lord was pleased to bring that Scripture to my remembrance in John 16. I will give you that joy, that no man taketh from you.

And then I thought with my self that it was Christ that I did want, and not joy. But the Lord brought that Scri∣pture to me, that Christ was tidings of great joy, Luke 2.10, 11. And I thought how could this be to such a poor wretch as I was, and the Lord was pleased to bring that Scripture to my mind, That he looked not as man looked, 1 Sam. 16 7. And that he was God and not man, Hos. 11.9. And by this means he took aw••y all my fears. And then the Lord did help me to discern that this was a mystery indeed, and did so quiet my heart, that all the World seemed as nothing unto me. For I never heard such a voice before, blessed be his Name.

And then the people of God would have me come into fellowship with them, And soon after I was admitted a Babe in Christ among them: Afterwards being

to hear Mr. Cotton, on 1 Pet. 2.2. As new∣born Babes desire the sincere milk of the Word, that you may grow thereby. And from thence he shewed, that if it were a living Babe it would cry out for nourishment, and that that soul that did once really taste of Christ was never satisfied, but would still be crying out for more and more of Christ; when such a soul came to any Ordinance, as Hearing, Prayer, the Lords Supper, and did get no∣thing of Christ, they were all as lost Or∣dinances to it.

It so fell out, that the next Lords day was the day of sitting down at the Lords Table. And the Lord did put it into my thoughts, that if we received nothing but a piece of bread and a sip of wine, it would be but a poor empty thing, and so the Lord did help me to beg, that if what he had been pleased to speak to my soul before were a true manif••station of himself, that he would be pleased to speak again unto my soul, For a three∣fold cord is not easily broken, Eccles. 4.12.

Being at the Ordinance, the bread and wine coming about, I was thus sighing un∣to the Lord; what shall I have nothing but a bit of bread and a sip of wine this day? And the Lord was pleased to bring that Scripture to my minde, John 6.55. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink in∣deed. And so the Lord was pleased to give something more of himself to my poor soul at that time. After this, a sad Providence attended one of my Neighbors, I was full of fears that her condition might be mine. But the Lord brought that Scripture to my mind, Jer. 29.11. For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of Peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end. And thereby the L••rd stayd my heart in trusting upon himself, and giving me a safe delivery. And being up again, I went to hear Mr. Cotton, and he was shewing what Assuranc•• was and how happy that soul was that coul•• say as Job did, Job 19 25. And with David Psal. ••••9 For ever Lord thy Word is setled in the Heavens; and so the Lord was p••••ased to shew me what a mercy I had that had Assurance. Then I went to speak to

Mr. Cotton, to ask him what he thought of th•• work of God upon my poor soul. And 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••old me, that he was satisfied that it was 〈◊〉〈◊〉 real work of God. And he did councel me to walk humbly and thankfully, and to take heed of grieving that Spirit of God by which I was sealed up to the day of Redem∣ption, and to walk humbly towards those that God had not revealed so much of him∣self to as he had to me. And then the Lord was pleased by his Providence to call my Husband to come for England, and he did tell me, that he should so order business that I should have less of the world to trouble me; I was glad to hear it from him, and de∣sired him to go. And then the Lord was pleased to help me to consider whether I had not got a better Husband; and the Lord did quiet my heart in himself, my soul being e∣spoused to him, 2 Cor. 11.2. After he was gone from me, we did hear of a War broke forth in England, and friends told me my Husband would be in danger of his life if taken. I told th••m the best I knew, and the worst I knew; and that if God should take my Husband out of the world, I should have

a Husband in Heaven, which was best of all. And Mr. John Elliott did visit me in his 〈◊〉〈◊〉 fence, and asked me how the Lord did b•••• up my heart in my Husbands absence: And I did tell him, that the Lord was as well able to bring him to me in safety, as he did to car∣ry him out. And he answered me, I believe the Lord will say unto thee as he did to the Canaanitish woman, Matth. 15.28. Be it un∣to thee according to thy saith. And the Lord was pleased to keep me and all that I had, and to preserve him, and to bring him home in safety unto me. And then in stead of ha∣ving less of the world which I desired, the Lord did cast in more of it. After this, my Husband told me, That he must go again to England, and I was very unwilling to it; but he told me, if he did not the Name of God would suffer. To prevent which, I consent∣ed, and it pleased God to bring him home in safety to me. And in a few years af∣ter he brought me over to England and God shewed much of his goodness to me.

At my coming ashore he brought that Scripture to my Remembrance Deut. 33.

26, 27. There is none like unto thee, O God of Jeshurun, who rideth upon the Hea∣ven in thy Help, and in his Excellency on the Sky, the Eternal God is thy Refuge, and under∣neath are the everlasting armes.

After it had pleased God to bring me back to my Native Countrey. I was much troubled that there was no bet∣ter observation of the Lords day, it be∣ing our Practice in New-England to be∣gin it at Sunne-set the Evening before, as it is Recorded in Genesis, That the E∣vening and the Morning was the first day; and that Scripture was brought to my Me∣mory, Prov. 14.10. The heart knows its own bitternesse, but no man intermeddles with its joy: Many trials the Lord hath been pleased to exercise me with, but in the midst of all God hath made that Word sweet to my soul, Isa. 54.10. For the Mountains shall depart and the Hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the Covenant of my Peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.

It pleased the Lord after a year or two to exercise me with much weakness; but then he made that Word sweet unto me, Isa 50.8. He is near that justifies me, who will co••tend with me. And that word, Job 15.11. Are the consolations of God small unto thee? After these things, when I was in a very great strait, up∣on the apprehension of some publick dan∣gers that seem'd to threaten us, the Lord was pleased to bring to my mind that Scripture, Zach. 9.12. Turn to your strong Holds you Pri∣soners of Hope. And since in the midst of my many bodily infirmities God hath made that word sweet to my soul, Psal. 116.7 Return un∣to thy rest. O my soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. And that word, Psal. 23.4. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art w••th me, thy rod and thy staffe they comfort me. I still remain as a prison••r of hope, waiting for a fruition of that happiness which the Lord Jesus Christ hath prepared for me. For I know he that hath the Son hath life, 1 Iohn 5.12. And if the Son make us free, then are we free indeed, John 8.36. And blessed is that people that knows the joyful found, they

shall walk, O Lord, in the light of thy coun∣tenance. I finde the Lord ••esus very free in the tenders of his love to poor sinners. And that love hath in a great measure been ma∣nifest••d to my poor soul. After this it plea∣sed the Lord to visit one of my Daughters with a great sickness, upon which my heart was drawn out to s••ek the Lord on her be∣half, then that Scripture was brought to my mind, Iohn 11.21. Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my Brother had not died. But I know that now whatever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it to thee. Jesus saith unto her, thy Brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again at the last day. Jesus saith unto her, I am the Resurrection and the Life, and he that be∣lieves in me shall never die. And it pleased the Lord to give me her life as an Answer of Prayer. It pleased the Lord after this to vi∣sit this Land with the Pestilence, a severe stroak of his, that swept away many thou∣sands; and under that sad Providence of his the Lord did help me to rely alone upon him∣self, from that Scripture, Psal. 91.7. A thou∣sand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at

thy rght hand, but it shall not come nigh thee. And according to my saith, it pleased the Lord to preserve both my self and all my Relations from that sad stroke, though some of them were often in the midst of danger, blessed be his Name The next year after rhe Lord did again (for our sins) visit us, and that by a dreadful fire, which reduced to ashes many thousand houses, and yet his love was then manifested to me in the preserva∣tion of my habitation, when many better than my self were burnt out. Therefore un∣to my God shall I, (who am less then the least of all his mercies) render that praise which is due unto his Name.

Since that, whilst I was upon a languish∣ing bed, and Death even knocking at the door, it pleased the Lord once again to a∣larme me in that weak condition by a dread∣ful fire which brake out very near us, and at that time it pleased my good God to sup∣port and strengthen my spirit with that Scripture, Isa. 43.2. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the Rivers, they shall not overflow, thee: when thou walkest through the fire thou shalt

not be burnt, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. And that Scripture, Isa 54.5 For thy Maker is thy Husband, the Lord of Hosts is his Name, and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Is∣rael, the God of the whole Earth shall he be cal∣led. And this second time also the Lord was gratiously pleased to preserve me and my House from that amazing stroke which did so much threaten us; And O that all these new and old Experiences might be high obligations upon me and mine to holiness and fruitfulness all our days.

Whilst I remained in New-England there hapned a great Earthquake which did shake all in the house, and my son being by me, ask∣ed me what it was, I told him, our Neigh∣bours were all amazed at it, and knew not but that the world might then be at an end; and did run up and down very much af∣frighted at it; but I sate still, and did think with my self what a Christ was worth to my poor soul at that time. And then God made these Scriptures sweet refreshings, sup∣porting and quieting my soul.

Psal. 18.46. The Lord liveth, and blessed be my Rock, and let the God of my Salvation be ex∣alted.

Heb. 11.13. These all died in faith not ha∣ving received the Promises but having seen them afar off, and were perswad••d of them, and embraced them, and confessed they were stran∣gers and pilgrims on the earth.

Rev. 7.9. After this I beheld, and lo a great multitude, which no man could number, of all Nations, and Kindred, and People, and Tongues, stood before the Throne and before the Lamb, cloathed with white Robes and Palmes in their hands, ver. 14. And he said to me, these are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their Robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

FINIS.