The art of making love, or, Rules for the conduct of ladies and gallants in their amours

CHAP. III. Of the qualities which a Lover ought to possess, to make him ca∣pable to please, and to render himself beloved by his Mi∣striss.

BEfore I speak of the quali∣ties which may render us amiable to these reasonable fair ones, which onely deserve to be truely beloved, it is necessary to know precisely what Love is.

Love, to define it well, is a general alienation of the person who loves; it is a Transport without Contract, and without hope of return; by which we give our selves entirely, and with∣out any reserve, to the person beloved: It is a sweet extasie,

by which the Soul ceases to live in the Body which it animates, for to live in that which it loves. From hence it follows, that a per∣son who loves passes into the per∣son beloved, and assumes in his imagination, in his Minde, and in his Heart, a new and particular be∣ing; which two Lovers mutually do, when Love is reciprocal: and thus, being united by Rea∣son, they live in one another in∣tellectually. This being so, it follows, that to become the moity of an Illustrious Heart, that is to say, to be beloved of a person of merit, it is necessary that our Heart be Illustrious also, and that we possess as much merit as that admirable person, other∣wise these two Hearts can never make that charming Union which makes all the delights of mutual Love.

The first thing then that

we ought to do, is to love her by whom we desire to be beloved again; for though by a prodigy she may love us without seeing herself beloved, her Vertue will disavow her Heart, and she will disapprove it as a crime the grea∣test that can be committed: for it is a Maxime among all extraor∣dinary persons of that fair Sex, That Love onely is the reward of Love.

But it is not enough that we love, but also that our Love be perfect: when you do this, you want not the principal means to vanquish her. This will give a softness to all our Words, a lan∣guishing sweetness to our Eyes, which will not fail to gain credit with the most inexorable Beau∣ty.

This Rule being certain, that there is nothing more necessary to make our selves beloved, than to

have Merit, and to love perfectly; it remains onely that I teach in what true Merit consists.

First, we ought to hold it for an undoubted Principle, that it lies in our own power to acquire this Merit; for if it be above our forces, those which want it by reason of the want of power, cannot be disdained without In∣justice: and from hence it is easie to conclude, that Merit consists not in the gifts of Fortune, be∣cause Fortune it self depends on Destiny, or to say better, of Chance; it follows onely its Decrees, and dispences onely her Favours according to her own Capricious humour. It wants eyes to consider the beauty of those who implore her, and ears to hear the charming words of those who employ them to invite her.

This true Merit therefore con∣sists

not in the goods of Fortune, since they are not in our power. This true Lovers know so well, that instead of searching after them, they demonstrate a pub∣lick and perpetual contempt of them; ad not onely so, but as soon as they love, they swear to quit all their Fortune for their Mistriss.

In short, the Favours of that capricious Fortune were so little worthy of the esteem of a man of Merit, that there are many who have rejected them from the number of Moral Goods: for Riches have no other value than what Opinion gives them: be∣sides, Merit hath this property, that it gives a Lustre to him who possesses it, whereas Riches are never serviceable to him who hath the possession, but are one∣ly enjoyed at the point when he parts with them. By consequence

Riches cannot make a Lover be beloved of these extraordinary persons; for Merit ought to be something within us, and which we have acquired our selves.

Birth has no greater advantage than Riches, in its pretensions to true Merit: for, as I have said, Merit depends on our Will, but on the contrary our Birth is the effect of Chance: a Coat of Arms, or the Grandeur of a Fami∣ly, makes not Merit: and as Ea∣gles are produced in Deserts, Reptiles may be ingendred in Pa∣laces; and whilst the highest Mountains are curs'd with an eter∣nal Barrenness, the fertile Valleys flourish with Palms and Cedars.

It is not then from our extracti∣on that we derive our Merit: Our Illustrious Ancestors contribute little besides their Examples to make us vertuous; nay, we may become quite contrary to them

in our Inclinations and Lives. This is so true, that Love it self treats Kings and Shepherds in the same manner. Yet think not that Love is the cause of any base Condescention; no, it is so far from that, it raises the least per∣fect, to equal the other. It is in this noble Designe that he makes the most perfect of these Lovers to speak in this manner to them they love, to inflame them to the Acquest of those Illustrious Qua∣lities, that they may entertain and discover their Flame without blemishing their Glory.

Since Love comands, whose Power's a∣bove controul, That both should have one Thught, and both one Soul, Exalt thy Thoughts equal to mine, Which cannot without shame descend to thine: My Vertue then do thou embrace, It will the meanness of thy Birth efface.

Thus Love by Merit equals two persons of a birth so very much opposite, and unites them maugre all this opposition.

Behold how Love hath no re∣gard to Birth! and as that Love whereof I speak is caused and nourished onely by true Merit, so I have made it appear that Merit consists no more in high Extraction than in Riches.

There are some who set a va∣lue upon nothing but Wit, and stoutly maintain, that in it alone true Merit doth consist; but these abuse themselves as well as the other, and for the same rea∣son: for we see so many persons without Wit, and who yet desire and pretend to have it, that it is evident that it depends no more of us than Birth or Riches, and consequently does not make this true Merit. Some persons we see, who scarce have a grain of

good sence, whom we would judge have been made of the ve∣ry dregs of Matter, and you would say there is not one spark of this Celestial fire in their Constitutions. There are other who are quite contrary to them, who seem to be formed of the purest extract of matter, whose Souls are so pure and so refin'd, that it hardly reflects all the bright Impressions it receives; all its motions are so just and re∣gular, that it seems not flattery or extravagance to compare those excellent Spirits to Stars and In∣fluences: Yet this cannot, as I have said, properly be called Me∣rit, since it is not of our acqui∣sition.

Yet I deny not that Wit is ne∣cessary to make us esteemed; yet I maintain that it alone is not sufficient, though we possess it in an infinite degree, to merit the

love of those extraordinary per∣sons of whom I speak. Nor is it enough for a Lady to be per∣fectly fair, or infinitely witty, to oblige us to love her; for there is required besides, Vertue, to establish that mutual Love, which is the sole end to which we must aspire, as the onely Object of our Felicity.

It is then in Vertue alone that Merit doth properly consist, and 'tis this alone which advances us above the rank of ordinary persons, being the onely good which we can call our own, and which lies in our power to ac∣quire. I do not mean that or∣dinary Vertue which is found in common Souls; I mean that emi∣nent Vertue which onely meets entertainment in great Mindes, & which we call Heroick. This is that kinde of Vertue which I demand in a person, to render himself wor∣thy

to be beloved, and capable to subject the most Illustrious Hearts.

It is necessary to explain what a Heroe is, and what I mean by Heroick Vertue. Many extrava∣gant Wits have rendred very unjust Images of it, and repre∣sented it as a thing uppracticable, They are not contented with an Heroe who doth not things above Humane force, who beats not down Walls of Cities, and routs not whole Armies by his single Valour. It is necessary to reform the wilde imaginations of these persons, and to reduce them to just measures. 'Tis not the sta∣ture or the strength of body which makes a Heroe; it is the vigour and firmness of the mind: for there may be Souls very eleva∣ted in little Bodies, and extream∣ly constant, and of extraor∣dinary vigour, in an infirm and

delicate Body. Consequently, all men are capable of this Heroick Vertue, and 'tis attainable by persons of both Sexes, being e∣qually capable of it. It is possessed in different degrees of eminence, according to the dignity of the Object, and the different powers of minde of those who pursue the acquisition of it.

The first cause of this Heroick Vertue, is the dignity of its Ob∣ject, which is Glory; this being no other thing than the splendor of a good and vertuous life, and a recompence which Vertue ex∣acts from the Mouths of all vertu∣ous persons, which maugre Death, makes us live even in the Tomb. This makes Glory the onely Rule, Commencement, and End of all the Enterprizes of great men, preferring it before all other things, and sacrificing all things to it.

The second cause of this He∣roick Vertue, is the perfection of the faculties by which it acts, of which the Understanding and the Will, are as the Heart and Head.

The third is the nobleness of all the principal Functions which make us act with undaunted∣ness, and to suffer courageously and with constancie.

The fourth is an extraordinary transport of the Soul, by which it elevates it self to Objects be∣yond the common reach of men; and because our forces are too weak of themselves to reach those high Objects, we are apt to believe something of Divine in these extraordinary efforts which exalt Nature, which Transports we are forc'd to express by the Words Flight and Rapture.

These Transports are divers, and of different kindes, accor∣ding

to the faculties which are transported, and according to the difference of their Objects. If the Transport be onely of the Understanding and Imagi∣nation, we conceive elevated Idaeas, and noble and pompous Images and Phantomes: and this is properly that inspiration which the Ignorant call the Folly of Poets. This being esteemed something Divine, is the reason that Poetry, in which we finde these exalted Idaeas, hath been cal∣led the Language of the Gods.

Thus you see the effects of this Transport when it is of the Imagination and Understanding; but when this Transport is uni∣versal, when the Understanding, and the Will, and all the facul∣ties of the Soul, and functions of the Body, move with one com∣mon effort, they all tend to that eminency which in this life is the

last bound of Vertue consum∣mate. This general Transport, which is a Transport of action, is the Divine perfectionw hich ever compleats a Heroe, and which the Poets and Philosophers call Heroick Vertue.

The fifth and last cause, which is the principle and Spring of Heroick Vertue, is Love. And for this reason it is alwaies made the ruling Passion of a Heroe, as that by which all other Vertues are purified, and from whence they receive their last perfection: from whence it follows, that to be a Heroe, it is necessary to be amorous; for Love, by refining the Soul, and spurring us on to glorious Actions, renders us a∣miable, by the practise of all those Vertues which lead to the Temple of Honour.

Hence you may see that this Vertue is not a Quality of Ease

and Sloth, nor a Habit for Osten∣tation, but of Travel and of Action; a Habit of Combate and of Victory: She usually appea∣red to the Ancients in Armour; her Palace seems built of the Ru∣ines of Cities, Chains, Wrecks, and Thunder-bolots. It may be said, that this painful Vertue is proper for Warriors, but not for Amorous persons, who think they ought onely to combat with Re∣spects and Submissions; but they are deceived, for there are no few∣er Battels nor Victories to be per∣formed in Love than War; and a Lover must be Valiant, as well as Amorous.

In short, that true Merit which renders us worthy to be beloved by an Illustrious person, consists onely in this Heroick Vertue: and indeed how should it not consist, since a vertuous Love is the source of all the Vertues themselves,

and the spring of all Amiable Qualities? for when Love pro∣poses to it self an honourable and legitimate end, and whose chast desires are eloigned from Crime, the person whose Soul is possess'd with it, strives to render it self amiable, to the end to be belo∣ved; and in order to that De∣signe which this Noble Love in∣spires, he endeavours to become Good, Generous, Sweet, Liberal, Civil, Wise, and Respectuous; he labours to acquire Knowledge, Address, Discretion, and Polite∣ness: so that all that is perfect in the World, seems the effect of a Vertuous Love.

I shall take leave to make a short research into the nature and effects of each particular Quality necessary to a Lover. That which holds the first Rank in the esteem of Ladies, is Valour: This Quality alone oft-times proves

sufficient to subdue a Heart most difficult to be conquered; and few who will not avow their De∣feat, and boast of the Honour and Glory, to see a Conquerour crowned with Laurels, be∣come their Captive. What La∣dy can chuse but be pleased to see a valiant man return from the War crowned with Laurels, and prostrating himself before her, a∣scribe all his Victories to her Charms, and the noble Love she kindled in his breast! and when he is in the Field of Battel, to hear Fame speak loud of his At∣chievements, it seems more glo∣rious to 'em to have so valiant a Captive, than to be Mistriss of the World. But this is yet inferiour to those Ravishments which she finds when this Heroe returns to ren∣der her an account of his great Actions, and to attribute all the Glory to her. To a Merit so ex∣traordinary,

what scrupulous He∣roin will not yield her self with joy? To be accounted handsome, just, and learned, and well-fa∣voured, all this carries no dan∣ger with it, says Sir Philip Sydney in his Valour Anotomized; but 'tis better to be admitted to the Title of Valiant Acts; for all Wo∣men, says he, desire to hold him fast in their arms, who hath esca∣ped thither through many dan∣gers.

As this Heroick Valour power∣fully attracts a Lady's Heart, so Love seldom fails to give Cou∣rage to his Slaves, to render them amiable. Love renders a Lover bold and daring in the pursuit of his Love. In short, how can any make themselves be loved, with∣out this Military Vertue, of the greatest part of Women? for if they are Idolaters of Glory, a Gallant cannot pretend to their

Hearts without that Vertue. If by just and legitimate Reasons a Lady be stimulated to take Re∣venge, how can he, without being capable to execute that Venge∣ance, pretend to a Conquest of her Heart? And there are those Women to whom Revenge is so sweet, that there is no other means to Charm them. Some Women go farther; for we have seen even Queens, who not onely have given their Hearts, but e∣ven their Crowns, to those who have avenged them; so ingeni∣ous is that Passion in a great Heart, when once it is possess'd of it. Yet let us not think that these fair ones are unjust in these kinde of Vengeances: for there are some Offences so cruel, as those which wound the Honours of an Illu∣strious person, which are not re∣paired, but by the death of those who have committed them.

It is in these occasions where that valour which I speak of is most necessary; for he must be capable to dare all things, and to vanquish likewise; and a true Lover is never awanting to attempt all things.

But after all, it is necessary to know what this true Valour is, lest we take the Shadow for the Substance: therefore I shall draw the picture of a Man truly Valiant.