A token for mourners, or, The advice of Christ to a distressed mother bewailing the death of her dear and only son wherein the boundaries of sorrow are duly fixed, excesses restrained, the common pleas answered, and divers rules for the support of Gods afflicted ones prescribed / by J.F.

3. I now proceed to the third thing pro∣posed, namely to remove the Pleas and excuses for this immoderate grief. It s natural to men, yea to good men to justifie their excesses, or at least extenuate them, by pleading for their passions, as if they wanted not cause and reason enough to excuse them. If these be fully answered, and the soul once convinced, and left without Apology for its sin, it is then in a fair way for its cure, which is the last thing designed in this Treatise.

My present business therefore is to sa∣tisfie those Objections, and answer those Reasons which are commonly pleaded in this case, to justifie our excessive grief for lost Relations. And though I shall carry

it in that line of Relation to which the Text directs, yet its equally applicable to all other.

1. Plea.

You press me by many great conside∣rations to meekness and quiet submission under this heavy stroke of God: but you little know what stings my soul feels now in it.

This child was a child of many pray∣ers, it was a Samuel beg'd of the Lord, and I concluded when I had it, that it brought with it the returns and answers of many prayers. But now I see it was nothing less: God had no regard to my prayers about it; nor was it given me in that special way of mercy as I imagined it to be. My child is not only dead, but my prayers in the same day shut out and denyed.

1. Answ.

That you prayed for your children be∣fore you had them was your duty, and if you prayed not for them submissively, referring it to the pleasure of God to give or deny them, to continue or remove

them, as should seem good to him; that was your sin; you ought not to limit the holy one of Israel, nor prescribe to him, or capitulate with him, for what term you shall enjoy your outward comforts. If you did so, it was your evil, and God hath justly rebuked it by this stroke: if you did pray conditionally, and submis∣sively, referring both the mercy asked, and continuance of it to the will of God as you ought to do; then there is nothing in the death of your child, that crosses the true scope and intent of your prayer.

2. Answer.

Your prayers may be answered, though the thing prayed for be withheld, yea, or though it should be given for a little while and snatcht away from you again. There are four ways of Gods answering prayers: by giving the thing prayed for presently, Dan. 9. 23. or by suspending the answer for a time, and giving it after∣wards, Luk. 18. 7. or by withholding that mercy which you ask, from you, and giving you a much better mercy in the room of it, Deut. 3. 24. compared with Deut. 34. 4, 5. or lastly, by giving you patience to bear the loss or want of it, 2 Cor. 12. 9.

Now if the Lord have taken away your child or friend, and in lieu thereof given you a meek quiet submissive heart to his will, you need not say he hath shut out your cry.

2. Plea.

But I have lost a lovely obliging and most endearing child, one that was beauti∣ful and sweet; it is a stony heart that would not dissolve into tears for the loss of one so desirable, so engaging as this was. Ah its no common loss!

1. Answer.

The more lovely and engaging your Relation was, the more excellent will your patience and contentment with the will of God in its death be; the more loveliness, the more self-denyal, and the more self-denyal, the more grace. Had it been a thousand times more endearingly sweet than it was, it was not too good to deny for God. If therefore obedience to the will of God do indeed master na∣tural affections; and that you look upon patience and contentment as much more beautiful than the sweetest and most de∣sirable

enjoyment on earth, it may turn to you for a testimony of the truth and strength of grace; that you can, like Abraham, part with a child whom you so dearly love, in obedience to the will of your God whom you love infinitely more.

2. Answer.

The loveliness and beauty of our chil∣dren and Relations though it must be ac∣knowledged a good gift from the hand of God; yet it is but a common gift, and oftentimes becomes a snare, and is in its own nature but a transitory vanishing thing; and therefore no such great ag∣gravation of the loss as is pretended.

I say it's but a common gift; Eliab, Adonijah, and Absolom, had as lovely a presence as any in their generation. Yea, it's not only common to the wicked, with the godly, but to bruit animals as well as men, and to most that excel in it, it be∣comes a temptation; the souls of some had been more beautiful and lovely, if their bodies had been less so. Beside, it's but a flower which flourishes in its month, and then fades. This therefore should not be reflected on as so great a

circumstance to aggravate your trouble.

3. Answer.

But if your Relation sleep in Jesus, he will appear ten thousand times more lovely in the morning of the Resurrection, than ever he was in this world. What is the exactest purest beauty of mortals, to the incomparable beauty of the Saints in the Resurrection: Then shall the righ∣teous shine forth as the Sun, in the King∣dom of their Father, Mat. 13. 43. In this hope you part with them, therefore act sutably to your hopes.

3. Plea.

O but my child was nipt off by death in the very bud, I did but see, and love, and part: had I enjoyed it longer, and had time to suck out the sweetness of such an enjoyment, I could have born it easier, but its months or years with me were so few, that they only served to raise an expectation, which was quickly, and therefore the more sadly disappoin∣ted.

1. Answer.

Did your friend dye young, or was the bond of any other Relation dissolved al∣most as soon as made? let not this seem so intollerable a load to you; for if you have ground to hope they died in Christ, then they lived long e∣nough in this world. It's truly said, he hath sayled long enough, that hath won the Harbour; and he hath fought long enough that hath obtained the victo∣ry; he hath run long enough, that hath toucht the Gole; and he hath lived long enough on earth, that hath won heaven, be his days here never so few.

2. Answer.

The sooner your Relation dyed, the less sin hath been committed, and the less sorrow felt: What can you see in this world but sin or sorrow? A quick passage through it to glory, is a special priviledge. Surely the world is not so desirable a place that Christians should desire an hours time longer in it for themselves or theirs, than serves to fit them for a better.

3. Answer.

And whereas you imagine the parting would have been easier, if the enjoyment had been longer, it is a fond and ground∣less suspicion. The longer you had enjoyed them, the stronger would the endear∣ments have been. A young and tender plant may be easily drawn up by a single hand, but when it hath spread and fixed its roots many years in the earth, it will require many a strong blow and hard tug to root it up. Affections like those under∣ground roots are fixed and strengthned by nothing more than consuetude, and long possession; it's much easier parting now, than it would be hereafter, what∣ever you opine. However, this should sa∣tisfie you, that Gods time is the best time.

4. Plea.

O but I have lost all in one, it is my only one, I have none left in its room to repair the breach, and make up the loss; if God had given me other children to take comfort in, the loss had not been so great, but to lose all at one stroke, is in∣supportable.

1. Answer.

Religion allows not to Christians a li∣berty of expressing the death of their dear Relations by so hard a word as the loss of them is. They are not lost but sent before you. And it is a shameful thing for a Christian to be repro∣ved for such an uncomely expression by an Heathen. It's enough to make us blush to read what an Heathen said in this case, Never say thou hast lost any thing (saith Epictetus) but that it's returned. Is thy Son dead? he is only restored. Is thy inheritance taken from thee? It is also returned. And a while after he adds, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. (i. e.) Let every thing be as the Gods will have it.

2. Answer.

It's no fit expression to say you have lost all in one, except that one be Christ, and he being once yours, can never be lost. Doubtless your meaning is, you have lost all your comfort of that kind; And

what though you have? are there not multitudes of comforts yet remaining of a higher kind, and more precious and durable nature? If you have no more of that sort, yet so long as you have better, what cause have you to rejoyce?

3. Answer.

You too much imitate the way of the world in this complaint; they know not how to repair the loss of one comfort, but by another of the same nature, which must be put in its room, to fill up the va∣cancy: But have you no other way to supply your loss? Have you not a God to fill the place of any creature that leaves you? Surely this would better become a man whose portion is in this life, than one that professes God is his all in all.

5. Plea.

O but my only One is not only taken away, but there remains no expectation or probability of any more: I must now look upon my self as a dry tree, never to take comfort in children any more, which is a cutting thought.

1. Answer.

Suppose what you say, that you have no hope or expectation of another child remaining to you; yet if you have a hope of better things than children, you have no reason to be cast down: bless God for higher and better hopes than these, in Isa. 56. 4, 5. the Lord comforts them that had no expectation of sons or daughters, with this, That he will give unto them in his house, and within his walls a place, and a name better than of Sons or of Daughters; even an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off. There are better mercies, and higher hopes than these; though your hopes of children, or from children should be cut off; yet if your eternal hopes be secure, and such as shall not make you ashamed, you should not be so cast down.

2. Answer.

If God will not have your comfort to lye any more in children, then resolve to place them in himself, and you shall never find cause to complain of loss by such an exchange. You will find that in

God which is not to be had in the crea∣ture: one hours communion with him shall give you that, which the happiest Parent never yet had from his children; you will exchange brass for gold, perish∣ing vanity, for solid and abiding excel∣lency.

6. Plea.

But the suddenness of the stroke is amazing, God gave little or no warning to prepare for this tryal: Death executed its commission, as soon as it open'd it. My dear Husband, Wife, or Child, was snatcht unexpectedly out of my arms, by a surprizing stroke; and this makes my stroke heavier than my complaint.

1. Answer.

That the death of your Relation was so sudden and surprizing, was much your own fault; who ought to have lived in the daily sense of its vanity, and ex∣pectation of your separation from it: you knew it to be a dying comfort in its best estate; and it is no such wonderful thing to see that dead, which we knew before to be dying: Besides, you heard

the changes ringing round about you in other families; you frequently saw other Parents, Husbands, and Wives carrying forth their dead; And what were all these but warnings given you to prepare for the like tryals?

Surely then it was your own security and regardlesness that made this affliction so surprizing to you, and who is to be blamed for that, you know.

2. Answer.

There is much difference betwixt the sudden death of infants, and that of grown persons: The latter may have much work to do, many sins actually to repent of, and many evidences of their interest in Christ to examine and clear, in order to their more comfortable death; and so sudden death may be deprecated by them.

But the case of Infants who exercise not their reason, is far different, they have no such work to do; but are purely pas∣sive; all that is done in order to their salvation, is done by God immediately upon them; and so it comes all to one, whether their death be more quick, or more slow.

3. Answer.

You complain of the suddenness of the stroke, but another will be ready to say, had my friend died in that manner, my affliction had been nothing to what it now is; I have seen many deaths con∣trived into one: I saw the gradual ap∣proaches of it upon my dear Relation, who felt every tread of death as it came on towards him, who often cryed with Job, Chap. 3. 20. Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life to the bitter in soul? which long for death but it cometh it not, and dig for it more than for hid treasures: which rejoyce exceeding∣ly and are glad, when they can find the grave.

That which you reckon the sting of your affliction, others would have reckoned a favour and priviledge. How many tender Parents, and other Relations who loved their friends as dearly as your selves, have been forced to their knees upon no other errand but this, to beg the Lord to hasten the separation, and put an end to that sorrow, which to them was much greater than the sorrow for the dead.

7. Plea.

You press me to moderation of sor∣rows, and I know I ought to shew it; but you don't know how the case stands with me, there's a sting in this affliction, that none feels but my self; And oh how intollerable is it now! I neglected proper means in season to preserve life, or mis∣carried in the use of means. I now see such a neglect or such a mistake about the means, as I cannot but judge greatly to contribute to that sad loss which I now (too late) lament.

O my negligence, O my rashness and inconsiderateness! How doth my Con∣science now smite me for my folly! and by this aggravate my burthen beyond what is usually felt by others. Had I sea∣sonably apply'd my self to the use of proper means, and kept strictly to such courses and counsels as those that are able and skilful might have prescribed. I might have now had a living Husband, Wife, or Child: whereas I am now not only bereaved, but am apt to think I have be∣reaved my self of them. Surely, there is no sorrow, like unto my sorrow.

1. Answer.

Though it be an evil to neglect and slight the means ordained by God for re∣covery of health, yet it's no less evil to ascribe too much to them, or rely too much on them. The best means in the world are weak and ineffectual without Gods assistance and concurrence, and they never have that his assistance or concur∣rence, when his time is come; and that it was fully come in your friends case, is manifested now by the event. So that if your friend had had the most excellent helps the world affords, they would have avail'd nothing. This consideration takes place only in your case, who see what the will of God is by the issue, and may not be pleaded by any whilst it remains du∣bious and uncertain, as it generally doth in time of sickness.

2. Answer.

Do you not unjustly charge and fault your selves, for that which is not really your fault or neglect? How far you are chargeable in this case will best appear, by comparing the circumstances you are now

in, with those you were in when your Relation was only arrested by sickness; and it was dubious to you what was your duty and best course to take.

Possibly you had observed so many to perish in Physitians hands, and so many to recover without them, that you judged it safer for your friend, to be without those means, than to be hazarded by them.

Or if diverse methods and courses were prescribed and perswaded to, and you now see your error in preferring that which was most improper, and neglecting what was more safe and probable; yet as long as it did not so appear to your un∣derstanding at that time; but you follow∣ed the best light you had to guide you at that time, it were most unjust to charge the fault upon your selves, for chusing that course that then seemed best to you, whether it were so in it self or not.

To be angry with your selves for do∣ing or om••t••ing what was then done, or omitted according to your best discretion and judgment; because you now see it by the light of the event far otherwise than you did before; is to be troubled that you are but men, or that you are not as God, who only can foresee Issues, and

events; and that you acted as all rational creatures are bound to do, according to the best light they have, at the time and season of action.

3. Answer.

To conclude, times of great affliction are ordinarily times of great temptation, and it's usual with Satan then to charge us with more sins than we are really guil∣ty of, and also to make those things seem to be sins, which upon impartial ex∣amination will not be found to be so.

Indeed, had your neglect or miscarri∣age been knowing and voluntary; or had you really prefer'd a little money (being able to give it) before the life of your Relation; so that you did deliberatly chuse to hazard this, rather than part with that; no doubt then but there had been much evil of sin mixed with your affliction: and your Conscience may justly smite you for it as your sin. But in the other case which is more common, and I presume yours; it's a false charge, and you ought not to abet the design of Satan in it.

Judg by the sorrow you now feel for your friend, in what degree he was dear

to you, and what you could now be con∣tent to give to ransom his life, if it could be done with money. Judg I say by this how groundless the charge is, that Satan now draws up against you; and you are but too ready to yeild to the truth of it.

8. Plea.

But my troubles are upon a higher score, and account. My child or friend is passed into Eternity, and I know not how it is with its soul. Were I sure that my Relation were with Christ, I should be quiet; but the fears of the contrary are overwhelming, O it's terrible to think of the damnation of one so dear to me.

1. Answer.

Admit what the objection supposes, that you have real grounds to fear the e∣ternal condition of your dear Relation, yet it's utterly unbeseeming you, even in such a case as this, to dispute with, or repine against the Lord.

I do confess it's a sore and heavy tryal, and that there is no case more sad, and

sinking to the spirit of a gracious person. Their death is but a trifle to this; but yet, if you be such as fear the Lord, methinks his indisputable Soveraignty over them, and his distinguishing love and mercy to you, should at least silence you in this matter.

First, His indisputable Soveraignty over them, Rom. 9. 20. Who art thou, O man, that disputest with God? He speaks it in the matters of eternal election and reprobation. What if the Lord will not be gracious to those that are so dear to us; Is there any wrong done to them or us thereby? Aarons two Sons were cut off in an act of sin by the Lords im∣mediate hand, and yet he held his peace, Levit. 10. 3. God told Abraham plainly that the Covenant should not be establish∣ed with Ishmael, for whom he so earnestly pray'd, O let Ishmael live before thee! and he knew that there was no salvation out of the Covenant; and yet he sits down silent under the word of the Lord.

Secondly, But if this do not quiet you, yet, methinks, his distinguishing love and mercy to you should do it. O what do you owe to God, that root and branch had not been cast together into the fire!

that the Lord hath given you good hope through grace, that it shall be well with you for ever. Let this stop your mouth, and quiet your spirit: though you should have grounds for this fear.

2. Answer.

But pray examine the grounds of your fear, whether it may not proceed from the strength of your affections to the eter∣nal welfare of your friend, or from the subtilty of Satan designing hereby to over-whelm and swallow you up in sorrow, as well as from just grounds and causes? In two cases it's very probable your fear may proceed only from your own affe∣ction or Satans temptation.

First, If your Relation died young, before it did any thing to destroy your hopes. Or,

Secondly, If grown and in some good degree hopeful; only he did not in life, or at death manifest and give evidence of grace, with that clearness as you de∣sired.

As to the case of Infants in general, it's none of our concern to judg their con∣dition, and as for those that sprang from Covenanted parents, it becomes us to ex∣ercise

Charity towards them: the Scrip∣ture speaks very favourably of them.

And as for the more adult, who have escaped the polutions of the world, and made Conscience of sin and duty, albeit they never manifested what you could de∣sire they had; yet in them as in young Abijah, may be found some good thing to∣wards the Lord, which you never took notice of. Reverence of your authority, bashfulness and shamefac'dness, reserved∣ness of disposition, and many other things may hide those small and weak begin∣nings of grace that are in children, from the observations of the Parents. God might see that in them that you never saw; he despises not the day of small things.

However it be, it's now out of your watch, your concernment rather is to im∣prove the affliction to your own good, than judge and determine their condition; which belongs not to you, but God.

9. Plea.

O but I have sinned in this Relation, and now God hath punisht my sin in dis∣solving it. O saith one, my heart was set too much upon it, I even idoliz'd it,

that was my sin. And saith another, I wanted due affections, and did not love my Relation, at least not so spiritually as I ought, that was my sin. Now God is visiting me for all the neglects and defects that have been in me towards my Re∣lation.

1. Answer.

There is no man so throughly sancti∣fied, as not to fail and come short in many things pertaining to his relative duties. And to speak as the thing is, the cor∣ruptions of the holiest persons are as much discovered in this, as in any other thing whatsoever. And it's a very com∣mon thing for Conscience, not only to charge these failures upon us, but to ag∣gravate them to the uttermost when God hath made the separation. So that this is no more than what is usual and very common with persons in your case.

2. Answer.

Admit that which the Objection sup∣poses, that God hath afflicted you for your sin, and removed that comfort from you which you Idolized and too much

doted on; yet there is no reason you should be so cast down under your af∣fliction; for all this may be, and pro∣bably is the fruit of his love to, and care over your soul. Rev. 3. 19. He tells the afflicted for their comfort, Whom I love, I rebuke and chasten. How much better is it to have an Idolized enjoyment taken from you in mercy, than if God should say concerning you as he did of Ephraim, Hos. 4. 17. He is joyn'd to Idols, let him alone.

O it's better for you that your Father now reckons with you for your follies with the Rod in his hand, than to say as he doth of some, let them go on, I will not hinder them in, or rebuke them for their sinful courses; but will reckon with them for all together in Hell at last.

3. Answer.

And as to what you now charge upon your self, that the neglect of duty did spring from the want of love to your Re∣lation. Your sorrows at parting may evidence that your Relation was rooted deep in your affection: but if your love was not so spiritual and pure, to love and

enjoy them in God; that was undoubted∣ly your sin, and is the sin of most Chri∣stians; for which, both you, and all others ought to be humbled.

10. Plea.

God hath blessed me with an Estate, and outward comforts in the world, which I reckoned to have left to my po∣sterity, and now I have none to leave it with, nor have I any comfort to think of it; the purposes of my heart are bro∣ken off, and the comfort of all my other enjoyments blasted by this stroke, in one hour. How are the pains and cares of many years perished!

1. Answer.

How may are there in the world, yea, of your own acquaintance, whom God hath either denyed, or deprived both of the comforts of children and Estates too? If he have left you those outward com∣forts you ought to acknowledge his goodness therein, and not to slight these because he hath deprived you of the other.

2. Answer.

Though your children be gone, yet God hath many children left in the world whose bowels you may refresh with what he hath bestowed upon you; and your charity to them will doubtless turn to a more comfortable account, than if you had left a large Estate to your own po∣sterity.

Surely we are not sent into this world to heap up great estates for our children; and if you have been too eager in this design, you may now read Gods just re∣buke of your folly. Bless God you have yet an opportunity to serve God emi∣nently by your Charity: and if God de∣ny you other Executors, let your own hands be your Executors, to distribute to the necessity of the Saints; that the bles∣sings of them that are ready to perish may come upon you.

11. Plea.

O but the remembrance of its witty words and pretty actions is wounding.

1. Answer.

Let it rather lift up your heart to God in praise that gave you so desirable a child, than fill your heart with discon∣tent at his hand in removing it. How many Parents are there in the world whose children God hath deprived of reason and understanding, so that they only differ from Beasts in external shape and figure? And how many shew be∣times so perverse a temper, that little comfort can be expected from them?

2. Answer.

These are but small circumstances and trivial things in themselves; but by these little things, Satan manages a great de∣sign against your souls, to deject or ex∣asperate it: And surely this is not your business at this time; you have greater things than the words and actions of chil∣dren to mind: To search out Gods end in your affliction: To mortifie the cor∣ruption it's sent to rebuke, to quiet your heart in the will of God: This is your work.

12. Plea.

Lastly, It's Objected, O but God hides his face from me in my affliction, it's dark within as well as without, and this makes my case most deplorable, greatly afflicted, and sadly deserted.

1. Answer.

Though you want at present sensible comfort, yet you have reason to be thank∣ful for gracious supports. Though the light of Gods countenance shine not upon you; yet you find the everlasting arms are underneath you; the care of God worketh for you, when the consolations of God are withdrawn from you.

2. Answer.

To have God hide his face in time of trouble is no new, or unusual thing. God's dearest Saints, yea his own Son hath experienced it; who in the deeps of in∣ward and outward trouble, when wave called unto wave, felt not those sweet sensible influences of comfort from God which had alwaies fill'd his soul formerly.

If Christ cry in extremity, My God, my God, why hast thou for saken me? Then sure we need not wonder, as if some strange thing had happened to us.

3. Answer.

May not your unsubmissive carirage un∣der the rod provoke God to hide his face from you? Pray consider it well, no∣thing is more probable than this, to be the cause of Gods with-drawment from you. Could you in meekness and quiet∣ness receive that cup your Father hath given you to drink; accept the punish∣ment of your iniquities: say good is the word of the Lord, it is the Lord let him do what he will. You would soon find the case altered with you: but the com∣forting spirit finds no delight nor rest in a turbulent and tumultuous breast.

And thus I have satisfied the most con∣siderable Pleas urged in justification of our Excesses.

Notes

• Vide Mr. Bax∣ter's Epistle to the life of Mr. John Janeway.
• Non amittuntur, sed praemittun∣tur.
• Epict. Enchiri. Cap. 15.