The Dutch lover a comedy acted at the Dvkes theatre / written by Mrs. A. Bhen [sic]

Good, Sweet, Honey, Sugar-candied READER.

WHich I think is more than any one has call'd you yet.) I must have a word or two with you before you do advance into the Treatis••; but 'tis not to beg your pardon for diverting you from your affairs, by such an idle Pamphlet as this is, for I presume you have not much to do, and therefore are to be obliged to me for keeping you from worse imployment, and if you have a better, you may get you gone about your business: but if you will mispend your time, pray lay the fault upon your self; for I have dealt pretty fairly in the matter, and told you in the Title ••age what you are to expect within. Indeed, had I hung out a sign of the Immortality of the Soul, of the Mystery of Godliness, or of Ecclesiastical Policie, and then had treated you with Indiscerpibility, and Essential Spissi∣tude (words, which though •• am no competent Iudge of, for want of Languages, yet I fancy strongly ought to mean just nothing) with a company of Apocryphal midnight tales cull'd out of the choicest insignificant Authors; If I had only prov'd in Folio that Apollonius was a naughty Knave, or had presented you with two or three of the worst principles transcrib'd out of the pe∣remptory and ill natur'd, (though prettily ingenious)

Doctor of Mal••sbury undigest••d, and ill manag'd by a silly, saucy, ignorant, imp••rtinent, ill educated Chaplain, I were then indeed sufficiently in fault; but having in∣scrib'd Comedy on the beginning of my Book, you may guess pretty near what peny-worths you are like to have, and ware your money a••d your time accordingly.

I would not yet be understood to lessen the dignity of Playes, for surely they deserve a place among the mid∣dle, if not the better sort of Books; for I have heard that most of that which bears the name of Learning, and which has abus'd such quantities of Ink and Paper, and continually imploys so many ignorant, unhappy souls for ten, twelve, twenty years in the Vniversity (who yet poor wretches think they are doing something all the while) as Logick, &c. and several other things (that shall be nameless, lest I should mispel them) are much more absolutely nothing than the errantest Play that e're was writ. Take notice, Reader, I do not assert this purely upon my own knowledge; but I think I have known it very fully prov'd, both sides being fairly heard, and seen some ingenious opposers of it most abominably baff••ed in the Argument: Some of which I have got so perfectly by rote, that if this were a proper place for it, I am apt to think my self could al∣most make it clear; and as I would not undervalue Poetry, so neither am I altogether of their judgement, who believe no wisdom in the world beyond it. I have often heard indeed (and read) how much the World was anciently oblig'd to it for most of that which they call'd Science, which my want of letters ••akes me less assur'd of than others happily may be:

but I have heard some wise men say, that no considera∣ble part of useful knowledge was this way commu∣nicated, and on the other way, that it hath serv'd to propagate so many idle superstitions, as all the benefits it hath or can be guilty of, can never make sufficient amends for, which unaided by the unluckey charms of Poetry, could never have possest a thinking Creature such as man. However true this is, I am my self well able to affirm that none of all o••r English Poets, and least th•• Dramatique (so I think you call them) can be justly charg'd with too gr••at reformation of mens minds or mann••rs, and for that I may appeal to general expe∣riment, if th••se who are the most ••ssiduous Disciples of the Stage, do not make the f••ndest ••nd the lewdest crew about this Town; for if you sho••ld unhap∣pily converse them through the year, you will not find one dram of sence amongst a Club of them, unless you will allow for such a little Link-Bays Ribaldry, thick larded with unseasonable ••aths, & impudent defiance of God, and all things serious; and that at such a senceless damn'd unthinking rate, as, if 'twere well distributed, would spoil near half the Apothecaries trade, and save the sober people of the Town the charge of Vomits; And it was smartly said, (how prudently I cannot t••ll) by a late learned Doctor, who, though himself no great asserter of a Deity, (as you'l believe by that which fol∣lows) yet was observed to be continually perswading of this sort of men (if I for once may call them so) of the necessity and truth of our Religion; and being ask'd how he came to bestir himself so much this way, made answer, that it was because their ignorance

and indiscreet debauch made them a scandal to the pro∣fession of Atheism. And for their wisdom and design, I never knew it reach beyond the invention of some no∣table expedient, for the speedier ridding them of their estate, (a devilish ••l••g to Wit and Parts) than other grouling Mortal•• know, or battering half a dozen fair new Windows in a Morning after their de∣bauch, whils•• the dull unj••nt••e R••seal they belong to is fast asleep. But I'l proceed no farther in their cha∣ra••ter, because that miracle of Wit (in spight of Aca∣demick frippery) the mighty Echard hath already done it to my satisfaction; and who••ver undertakes a Sup∣pliment to any thing he hath discourst, had better for their reputation be doing nothing.

Besides, this Theam is worn too threa••-bare by the whiffling would-be Wits of the Town, and of both the stone-blind-eyes of the Kingdom. And therefore to re∣turn to that which I before was speaking of, I will have leave to say that in my judgement the increasing num∣ber of our latter Plays have not done much more to∣wards the amending of mens Morals, or their Wit, than ••ath the frequent Preaching, which this last age hath been pester'd with, (indeed without all Controversie they have done less har••) nor can I once imagine what tem∣ptation any one can have to expect it from them: for, sure I am, no Play was ever writ with that design. If you con∣sider Tragedy, you'l find their best of characters unlike∣ly patterns for a wise man to pursue: For he that is the Knight of the Play, no sublunary feats must serve his Dulcinea; for if he can't bestrid the Moon, he'l ne'er make good his business to the end, and if he chance to

be offended, he must without considering right or wrong confound all things he meets, and put you half a score likely tall fellows into each pocket; and truly if he come not something near this pitch, I think the Tragedies not worth a farthing; for Playes were certainly in∣tended for the exercising of mens passions, not their un∣derstandings, and he is infinitely far from wise, that will bestow one moments private meditation on such things: And as for Comedie, the finest folks you meet with there, are still unfitter for your imitation, for though with∣in a leaf or two of the Prologue, you are told that they are people of Wit, good H••mour, good Manners, and all that: yet if the Authors did not kindly add their proper names, you'd never know them by their chara∣cters; for whatsoe'er's the matter, it hath happen'd so spightfully in several Playes, which ha••e been prettie well receiv'd of late, that ev••n th••se persons that were meant to be the ingenious Censors of the Play, have either prov'd the most debauch'd, or most un••ittie peo∣ple in the Companie: nor is this error very lamenta∣ble, since as I take it Comedie was never meant, ei∣ther for a converting or confirming Ordinance: In short, I think a Play the best divertisement that wise men have; but I do also think them nothing so, who do discourse as formallie about the rules of it, as if 'twere the grand affair of humane life. This being my opini∣on of Plays, I studied only to make this as entertaining as I could, which whether I have been successful in, my gentle Reader, you may for your shilling judge. To ••ell you my thoughts of it, were to little purpose, for were they very ill, you may be sure I would not have exp••s'd

it; nor did I so till I had first consulted most of those who have a reputation for judgement of this kind; who were at least so civil (if not kind) to it as did in∣courage me to venture it upon the Stage, and in the Press: Nor did I take their single word for it, but us'd their reasons as a confirmation of my own.

Indeed that day 'twas Acted first, there comes me into the Pit, a long, lither, phlegmatick, ••hite, ill-favour'd, wretched Fop, an officer in Masquerade newly transport∣ed with a Scarfe & Feather out of France, a sorry Ani∣mal that has nought else to shield it from the uttermost contempt of all mankind, but that respect which ••e afford to Rats and Toads, which though we do not well allow to live, yet whe•• considered as a part of Gods Creation, we make honourable mention of them. A thing, Reader—but no more of such a Smelt: This thing, I tell ye, opening that which serves it for a mouth, out issued such a noise as this to those that sate about it, that they were to expect a woful Play, God damn him, for it was a womans. Now how this came about I am not sure, but I suppose he brought it piping hot from some, who had with him the reputa∣tion of a villanous Wit: for Creatures of his size of sence talk without all imagination, such scraps as they pick up from other folks. I would not for a world be taken arguing with such a propertie as this, but if I thought there were a man of any tolerable parts, who could upon mature deliberation disting••sh well his right-hand from his left, and justly state the difference between the number of sixteen and two, yet had this prejudice upon him; I would take a little

pains to make him know how much he errs. For waving the examination, ••hy women having equal education with men, were not as capable of knowledge, of what∣ever sort as well as they: I'l only say as I have touch'd before, that Plays have no great room for that which is mens great advantage over women, that is Learn∣ing: We all well know that the immortal Shakespears Playes (who was not guilty of much more of this than often falls to womens share) have better pleas'd the World than Johnsons works, though by the way 'tis said that Benjamin was no such Rabbi neither, for I am inform'd his Learning was but Grammer high; (sufficient indeed to rob poor Salust of his best Orati∣ons) and it hath been observ'd, that they are apt to ad∣mire him most confoundedly, who have just such a scantling of it•• as he had; and I have seen a man the most severe of Johnsons Sect, sit with his Hat re∣mov'd less than a hairs breadth from one sullen posture for almost three hours at the Al••hymist; who at that excellent Play of Harry the Fourth (which yet I hope is far enough from Farce) hath very hardly kept his Doublet whole; but affectation hath always had a grea∣ter share both in the actions and discourse of men than truth and judgement have: and for our Modern ones, except our most unimitable Laureat, I dare to say I know of none that write at such a formidable rate, but that a woman may well hope to reach their great••st hights. Then for their musty rules of Vnity, and God knows what besides, if they meant any thing, they are enough intelligable, and as practible by a woman; but really methinks they that disturb their heads with

any other rules of Playes besides the making them pleasant, and avoiding of scurrility, might much bet∣ter be imploy'd in studying how to improve mens too too imperfect knowledge of that ancient English Game; which hight long Laurence: And if Comedy should be the Picture of ridiculous mankind, I wonder any one should think it such a sturdy task, whilst we are fur∣nish'd with such precious Originals as him, I lately told you of; if at least that Character do not dwindle into Farce, and so become too mean an entertainment for th••se persons who are us'd to think. Reader, I have a complaint or two to make to you, and I have done; Know then this Play was hugely injur'd in the Acting, for 'twas done so imperfectly as never any was before, which did more harm to this than it could have done to any of another sort; the Plot being busie (though I think not intricate) and so requiring a continual at∣tention, which being in••errupted by the intolerable neg∣ligence of some that acted in it, must needs much spoil the beauty on't. My Dutch Lover spoke but little of what I intended for him, but supply'd it with a deal of idle stuff, which I was wholly unacquainted with, till I had heard it first from him; so that Iack pudding ever us'd to do: which though I knew before, I gave him yet the part, because I knew him so acceptable to most o'th' lighter ••eriwigs about the Town, and he indeed did vex me so, I could almost be angry〈◊〉〈◊〉 Yet, but Reader, you remember, I suppose, a fusty piece of Latine that has past from hand to hand this thousand years they say (and how much longer I can't tell) in favour of the dead▪ I intended him a habit much more notably ri∣diculous,

which if•• it can ever be important was so here, for many of the Scenes in the three last Acts de∣pended upon the mistakes of the Colonel for Haunce, which the ill-favour'd likeness of their Habits is sup∣pos'd to cause. Lastly, my Epilogue was promis'd me by a Person who had surely made it good, if any, but he failing of his word, deputed one, who has made it as you see, and to make out your penyworth you have it here. The Prologue is by misfortune lost. Now, Rea∣der, I have eas'd my mind of all I had to say, and so sans farther complyment, Adieu.