Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior.

The old Miser out-witted by his daughter.

A Merchant of Landon, growing old and Rich, Retired himself a little distance from the City, for the Benefit of the Air, and took with him his Sister and an only Daughter, having no other Re∣lations living; and though he had left of Trading, yet some business he had with a Merchant in the City that called him thither thrice a week compleat∣ly. A Servant to the Corespondent of this old Gent∣leman, had a great and real love for his Daughter, whose Beauty alone, without the incouragement of a Vast estate her Father intended to give, was in∣ducement enough for any mans affection; and such was his Happiness that she entertain'd a more than common kindness for him; but it was both their unhappiness, that the Father understood their lo∣ves, and to prevent their further growth by mee∣tings, he commited his Daughter to the careful tui∣tion of her Aunt, who was so jealous of her trust, that she walkt, nor talkt with any unless she was present, so that she was inaccessible to her Langu∣ishing despairing Lover, yet did he leave no means

unattempted, if not to discourse, yet at least to see his beloved object, haunting the House like some disturbed Ghost, but all to little purpose. The Fa∣tes at length pittying the sufferings of these two constant lovers, infused a stratagem into the young Gentlewomans head, whereby they might have a Mutal, and a constant correspondence by Letter, of which she inform'd her Love by dropping a pa∣per out of the Window to this effect;

Friend dearer than Life,

MOdesty will not permit me to discover my Grief, and Troubled thoughts for being thus debar'd of your speech, and presence, and that which aggravates my sorrow is the often seeing you, without the ability of coming to you, Howe∣ver some comfort my invention hath of late procu∣red me by finding out a way how we may express our minds to each other by writing; 't is thus in short, I have a little unript the Cape of my Fathers Cloak (thats lined with Velvet) into which I ha∣ve put a letter; when he comes to your Masters be officious to help him off with his Cloak, which he uses to do when he goes to Dinner, and in the Cape you will find my Soul contain'd, which take out, and send yours in the Room to her who lives no lon∣ger than whilst she loves, &c.

The satisfaction that he received from these Li∣nes was inexpressible, but much more, when he found the plot took so well, that he could twice a Week send to, and hear from the only comfort of his Life, and keeper of his happiness. By this stra∣tagem

they held a correspondence a longtime, but being eager of an interview, they had like to have spoiled all; for in a Letter he appointed her a place where they would meet, in order thereunto she sto∣le out of the House, but not so Privately, but that she was watcht by her Aunt, and followed to the place, where seeing this young man, and knowing whose Servant he was, reviled him with all the re∣proaches imaginable for indeavouring to seduce her Niece, a fortune too Sublime for such a Groveling Earth Worm as he; but, said she, I'le acquaint my Brother with your Knavish intentions, who shall take a Course to prevent your proceedings, and with other Minaces away she goes with her Kinswoman, leaving the young man in a Condit∣ion more Miserable than imaginable▪

At Night the Old Gentleman returning, he was informed by his Sister of what had Past in his absen∣ce, notwithstanding, all her Care, and watch∣fulness; at the report thereof the Old man was rea∣dy to run distracted, and no body but would have guest so much by his raving, every word being an express symptom of Madness; he called his Daugh∣ter a Thousand mis becoming names, and the best was Baggage, Strumpet, &c. reviling her with dis∣obedience and what not; and that which made her condition the more intollerable was, he would not let her speak in her own defence, and as she was about to do it, he flung out of the Room and left her; glad she was that she had some respit from her Sorrow, and so betook her self to her Chamber, where locking her Self in she instantly writ a Letter to her Love, acquainting him with her Fathers Deportment towards her, with a Register of the very Names he called her, with other abuses, and

having so done she slid it into the Cape as afore∣said.

The Old man arose very early the next Morning, in a passion, and to London he trotted, having no other business than to acquaint, the Merchant (his Friend) how he was abused by his Servant, and to vent his Spleen, and Choler on him.

The young man was abroad at his coming, so that his Master received all the Shock of the Old Gent∣lemans fury, who was a little tam'd by him before his return, by informing him that his man was not so Dispicable as he imagin'd, having so much Per annum in Land, besides a good stock of Mony to begin the World with; that besides all that, he would t ust him (as soon as free) with a Thousand Pounds hrmself; this they talkt walking in a great Hall, the C loak Hanging up in the Parlour; where they ursually Dined, which gave our Lover on his return the opportunity of receiving his usual intelligence. He could not but be troubled you must think,, when he read how his Love was abused, but since he could not remedie it, he was resolved to make use of the information. He had just finisht his Rea∣ding, as they both came into the Parlour, where immediately upon entrance the Old man rav'd and rail'd most insufferablly, calling him Beggers brat, Thief, Cheat, &c. And how durst he have that aspiring thought to Rob him of his only Daughter, Heiress to above forty thousand Pounds.

The young man with much Patience heard, and modestly told him he was much to blame, to villi∣fie him after that manner, since it was well known, that he was not only a Gentleman, but born to an estate: but Sir, (said he) it is no wonder, you mis∣cal

me, when you spare not your own chast and virtuous Daughter, calling her by the base and false names of Baggage, Strumpet, &c. Hey Day, Hey Day, a Wizard, a Wizard, (quoth the Old man) else how could he tell those very Names, I do confess I call'd my Daughter. Well, Sir, now I know how to be rid of a Knave; I am glad on't; I'le have you Indicted, and arraigned for a Witch, and so I hope to see you burn for your Leachery. His kind Master, seeing the Passion of this peevish piece of antiquity caus'd his man to withdraw, whilst he indeavoured to infuse a better opinion in him to∣wards his Servant, which gave him the convenien∣ce of writing; after Dinner his Master and the old man withdrew into the Hall again, and then (as formerly) he convey'd the Note into the Cape of the Cloak. Was not this an honest Porter think you that would thus constantly carry Letters for Lovers some Miles, and never demand a Penny, Coming home and hanging up his Cloak, accor∣ding to custome, took aside his Sister into the Gar∣den, and there discourst her, telling all that had past between him, his Friend and the Servant; in the mean time the Daughter examined the Cape, and found what she expected, wherein she was infor∣m'd of the passionate carriage of her Father, with his abusive language, and to sweeten all, he plea∣santly related how he was suspected for a Wizard, occasion'd by his happy intelligence.

The old man returning from the Garden fell foul on his Daughter with revilling termes; Dear Father (said she) use your pleasure as to me; call me what you will, though I deserve not the abuse, I will patiently indure it, but do not abuse that honest young man; assure your self he is no Beggers brat,

Thief, Cheat, nor Wizard: Hey day, Hey day, Hey day (cries the old man again) what my Daugh∣ter a Witch too; well, well, since it is so, you shall ene have my consent to be Marryed to a stake to∣gethet, and so you shall have a Bonfire at your Wedding.

These very words she sent back to her Lover in her Fathers Cape, who took an opportunity to take it out, and having read it, waited to meet the old man, who was consulting with his Master, and was by him so fully inform'd as to his Servants esta∣te, his honesty, and industry in his service, with several other things which tended highly to his ad∣vantage, that the old Gentleman was willing to admit of a Parley with his Son-in-Law that must be; and as he was about to speak with lesser anger than before, he was prevented by the young man, say∣ing, Sir, come end your, cruelty all at once, I am ready to accept of that Marriage of the Stake you proposed last Night to your Daughter: if I cannot live with her I love, I shall rejoice to dye with her.

The old man was all amazement, to hear what ere he said at home in private should be known abroad; at length he collecting himself, and having somewhat calm'd his passion, he told the young man since he saw the Stars did fight against him as to this Marriage, he should have his Daughter, condit∣ionally he would tell him how he came by this stran∣ge intelligence, whether the Devil, or his Angels did assist him in it, &c. To this the young man replyed, That he came not to the knowledge of what he said secretly elsewhere, nor his Daughter, but by humane means, and that he would tell him how, so be it he would for give the Person. No, no,

never (cry'd the old man, in a great rage) I will first see him rot in an Hospital, or be Hang'd at Tibourn, and be Damn'd rather than do it▪ Nay then (said the young man) you are to Blame, Sir, to be so uncharitably cruel against your self; for from you, and you only we received this intelligence; you we∣re the Porter, or Messenger that carryed Letters between us: how! how can this be (with much Wonder cry'd the old man); to convince you (said the other) I will now show you a Letter in your Portmantue that this Night by your means will be delivered to your Daughter, and thereupon taking the Cloak he shewed him the rip in the Cape, whe∣rein they mutualy conveighed Letters to each o∣ther.

To be short the old man was infinitely pleas'd with the Stratagem, and in a little time lov'd tho young man more than he hated him formerly, ane gave him his Daughter with a vast some of mond down at the Marriage day, and in less than twelvy months did his Son and Daughter the kindness to leave the world, and leave them all he had.