Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior.

(49.)

A Carpenter had married a verie handsom wo∣man to his wife, but that she wearing cork-shooes, it made her light-heel'd. This Carpenter used to work about a mile from home; but for the love that he bore to his wife, he would everie night come

back to bed with her, although as it seem'd she had rather to have had his room than his companie; for no sooner was he gon, but his place was supplied by another, whom she loved more dearly, his next neighbour, who by trade was a Grocer. It happened one morning, that the Carpenter went forth as he was accustomed; but before his place was cold, an∣other was gotten therein: he had not gon a quarter of a mile, but there fell such a storm of rain, with likelihood of continuance, tht he returned back a∣gain; and drawing the latch, went into the house: which the Grocer hearing crope out of the bed un∣derneath it as fast as he could. It being not yet day, the Carpenter pull'd off his cloaths and went to bed; where he had not layn above a quarter of an hour, but that it ceas'd raining; and the sky verie clear, gave great hopes of a fair day: which the good wife percieving, fearing her lover would catch cold, by being without his cloaths underneath the bed, she jogg'd her husband, telling him now the sky was very clear, and therefore desired him to rise to go to work. The Carpenter, who was verie observant to his wife, did accordingly; but it being so dark that he could not see, he mistook, and put on the grocers breeches instead of his own: and so going his jour∣ney, when he came to his work, putting his hand in his pocket to pull out his compasses, he found there an handfull of money, at which he much mar∣velled, knowing not how it should come there; only he thought it was no bad luck to have his poc∣kets so lined; yet was he in a quandarie whether he was awake or in a dream, he being seldom master of such a purchase. Putting his hand in his other poc∣ket, he found there a bunch of keys, a note-book, and some other papers; which encreased his wonder more than before: but looking down towards his

legs, he saw the breeches were all full of ribbans, whereas his own had never any on them. Not knowing what to think thereof, he resolved to go home again and confer with his wife. In the mean time the Grocer missed his breeches, and telling the Goodwife thereof, they knew not what to do, only she thought it was his best way not to stay, judging her husband had gotton them on, which might oc∣casion his sudden return: and indeed her suspicion herein proved true; for no sooner was the Grocer gon, but the husband returned home, where he found his wife weeping and wayling and takeing-on most bitterly: he asking her the reason thereof; O, said she, The Grocer at the next door yester∣night brought a pair of breeches hither for me to mend for him, and I being willing to earn a pennie, and not always to relie upon your gettings, took the business upon me, since which time, I know not how, some body hath come in and stollen them a∣way; but if I knew that cuckoldly rogue that had them, I would have him hanged if it were possible. Then casting her eyes fully upon him, O lack hus∣band, said she, I see you have gotten them on; truly I was afraid they had been lost, but hereafter I will have more care of such things as long as I live. The husband hereupon pulled them off, and gave them to his wife; but withal told her, That he had rather allow her two pence out of his days wages, than that she should earn a pennie in such sort.