Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior.

(1.)

Two Gentlemen being drinking in a Ta∣vern, chanced so to fall out, that from words they proceeded to blows; whereupon soon after ensued a suit of Law: The main witness to prove what was done, was the Vintners boy, who being sub-poe∣na'd and sworn at the day of tryal, began to tell his tale in this sort: My Lord, said he, I live at the sign of the St. Pauls head, my name is John, and by reason I draw to Gentlemen of the best wine, they have given me the appellation of honest, so that I am now commonly called Honest John. My Lord see∣ing him so impertinent in his preface, called to him and bid him speak to the matter, for that was quite besides it. I'll warrant you, said John, you shall find it to the purpose presently, and thereupon procee∣ded: My Lord these two Gentlemen came in there to drink, the one of them his name is Mr. B. the o∣ther Mr. F. it was about three of the clock in the af∣ternoon, and we had newly risen from dinner: we had to dinner that day a piece of boild powder'd beef, and butter'd turnips, and part of a roasted brest

of mutton cold; I could not eat very much of it, by reason I had gotten a cold with sitting up late two or three nights before. My Lord hearing him flie out thus again in his impertinences, bid him speak more home to the matter, or els hold his tongue. My Lord, said John, I was sworn to speak the truth, and all the truth, and I am resolved to do it: and so went on: These two Gentlemen asked for a room, and I shewed them up into the green chamber, it was two stories high, upon the left hand as soon as you are up two pair of stairs. Honest John, said my Lord, if thou art so called, trouble us not with these impertinences, but come to the matter. I am about it, quoth John, and so proceeds: As soon as they were in the room, they said unto me, now honest John bring us up a pint of the best Canary, which I did▪ it was of the furthermost pipe but one in all our cellar, and we had no better wine in all the house; it cost my master four and twenty pound the pipe: as I was going up the stairs, my master called to me, and asked me whether I was carrying up that pint of wine, and I told him to the two Gentlemen. John, said my Lord, that is not the question I asked you, but what passed between these two Gentle∣men? I shall tell you, quoth John, presently: When I had carried them up the wine, and that they had tasted of it, they told me that I was as good as my word, and that it was of the best Canary. But, said my Lord, what is this to the purpose? Yes, said John, it is to the purpose, and if your Lordship plea∣ses to come thither at any time, I shall draw ye of the same wine, and then you will say that honest Iohns words were true indeed. My Lord seeing no good to be done with Iohn, bid them set him aside, which Iohn took in very great dudgeon, professing he had spoken nothing but the truth, neither durst

he speak any thing but what was true, his master bid∣ding him before he came to have a special care of what he said. After some other witnesses being ex∣amined, the Councel on the Plantiffs side began to speak in the name of his client, (as the usual custom is) saying, My Lord, we came into this tavern with a peaceable intention, only to drink a pint of wine with that Gentleman, where we were by him abu∣sed, beaten and misused, and put in danger of our life. Iohn hearing him to say so, could forbear no longer, but stepping up, said, My Lord, that fellow with the Coife there tells a most damnable lie, for he says he was beaten and misused in our house, when (I can justifie) that he never was in our house in all his life.