Versatile ingenium, The Wittie companion, or Jests of all sorts. From citie and countrie, court and universitie. : With an account of the life of the laughing philosopher Democritus of Abder̀a. / By Democritus Junior.

A Love-Elegie from one of the Five Members to his Paramour, together vvith his repulse in her Ansvver. A. 1642.

Carmen Eroticon ab uno Membrorum quin∣que, ad Dilectissimam suam Amicam D. C. conscriptam.

ILLE ego prognatus de nigrescente caballo, Quem fertur moriens spontè dedisse Pater, En Patrem refero (petulans genus extat equorum) Pronus in amplexus, (diva Corinna) tuos: Ille ego cordate cujus moder amine vobis Nondum clauduntur (Parliamenta) fores, Quem ratis Angliacae Typhin, quem qúis quē popelli Regalis currûs Automedonta vocant, Quique Stuardiadis Caroli diademata vinco, Vincor captivue (pulchra Corinna) tuus. Curribus en jungit binas Cytheraea columbas▪ Cantat Iö victrix, ecce triumphus, ait. En tibi subjectus, jam nunc dedisco rebellem: Quem nequiit piëtas flectere flexit amor. Et licèt haud valeam Dominum tolerare Carollum▪ Te fateor Dominam (sancta Corinna) meam. Ah me Discipulum Veneris plus fulmine sternunt Ex oculi pharetris spicula jacta tuis. Neque tamen regis fasces amor urget habendi, Quàm quibus ingenii sis potienda modis: Aureus in gremium patulum tibi (chara) venirem▪ Ut quondam Danaë Jupiter imbre suae. En tibi submitto jugulum; si jusseris ipsa Sedulus in funes obvia colla dabo: Non me latratu terret canis iste trifauci, Quando concubitum (Lux mea) quaero tuum.

Iphias ô Capaneu non tunc magis arsit amore, Quum fertur rapidis desiliisse rogis; Soepius ad trutinam tua dum voco membra videtur In tete solam multa fluisse Dea, Inque domo menti petulans Cytheraea residit, Inque tuis oculis coesia Pallas adest: Occupat & frontem spaciosam Sospita Juno, Incolit & digitos praevia lucis 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉: Cum subit in mentem nox ista novissima, quando Miscuimus placido membra silenda thoro: O mihimet geminis quoties occurrit ocellis Qualiter & lepidus fronte renidet Amor! Quum memoro leves humeros, habilesque papillas, Ulnas candidulas, & juvenile foemur; (Quod caput est formae) capitis dum cogito formam, Et meditor positam non sine lege comam; Istam praecipuè simulac ego cogito partem, Partem quam verbis indigitare pudet; Ah quo tunc rapior! quantis tunc aestibus uror? Quàm furiis instar pectore soevit amor? Distrahor hinc atque hinc & curas mente voluto, Ut rudis indomito fluctuat unda Mari Millena in mentem subeunt molimina nostram, Dum rabidus meditor qua potes arte capi. Utque saginatus reserato carcere Taurus Obvia cum fuerit crebra Juvenca salit Seu velut in luxum praeceps fuit iste caballus, Qui Matrem passim fertur amasse meam; Sic paritèr totum spirant mea corda Pryapum, Seu mihi per somnum (pulchra puella) subis; Sic me a turgescunt alitèr languentia membra, Seu mihi per mediam tu subis alma diem: Quum fato fungar, sic sic lascivia vitam Auferat; ah placuit sic mihi soepè mori. Nec pudibunda nimis metuas ab amante procari, Foemellas novi soepe fuisse procos;

Pulchra Laërtiaden iterúmque iterúmque Calypso, Heu precibus cassis usque manere rogat: Dardanium juvenem sitiebat Punica Dido: Cynthia cum labiis Endymiona petit, Et licèt agrestem (modo vati credis) Adonin Idaeliam dicunt soepè procâsse Deam: Quanta sit Idalia expendas, & Cynthia quanta; Sunt utraeque Deae, fac imitêre Deas. Tu tamen haud procus es velut hae, sed & ipsa procaris. Solus ago, solùm tu patiâre velim: Sis procul à fastu, neve assimilare Sabinis: At faciles aures tu perhibere velis: Qui si vel nasus vel frons mihi desit eburnea? Murice nec Tyrio subrubuêre genae? Est color incertus, nec tu confide colori, Decipitur pulchro Graja puella viro; Pelle licèt tenebrae dominantur, Lux tamen intus; Vileo si membris, splendeo mente tenus: Quid licèt▪ harmonico careant mea membra tenore? Et malè concinnus quilibet artus erit? At caro pinguescit, mihi sunt & mollia crura, Suráque suppetiit semivieta mihi. Squalidus est oculo, digitis arridet obesus Quod formâ minus est hoc mihi supplet adeps. Millibus ex multis (experto crede) puellis, Gaudia quae mihi fert plurima, pinguis erat: Hoc est in causâ, quod nunc (uxore relictâ) Nostri festinant ad tua rura pedes; Nempe voluptatis nihilum mihi frigida conjux Suppeditat, penè est iste senilis ager: Mandamus tritis semen sine foenore sulcis, Null áque tondetur falcibus inde seges; Sed tuus (ô utinam!) pariat mihi gramina campus, Viderunt agri vix tria lustra tui. Aetas non unquam retrò retro-acta vocatur; Florem, dum florem carpo, Corinna tuum.

Quandocunque tamen nos conveniemus in unum, Corpore molliculo fac sine Teste fruar, Non quasi castratus spado sine Testibus essem, Sed quia lascivum nolo patere torum: Secretis que jocis fac alta silentia praestes; Quum placidum nobis hoc peragetur opus: Nam non privatus sed jam Respublica fio, Et mihi vel coecus quilibet Argus erit: Aptius idcircò cum prima crepuscula lucent, Ad lectum veniam, blanda Corinna, tuum: Et mihi furtivos aditus transenna fenestrae Adstruet, à dextrâ qua patet uda palus: Nuper enim cum nocte thoro convenimus illo, Infidae memini tèr crepuêre fores: Tunc indoctus eram, nunc usu promptior exto: Et magis assiduè jam taciturnus ero; Neve tuus videat Genitor, Custodibus et si (Carceris insontem) Parliamenta dabunt. Mutuò tunc nobis aderit satis ampla voluptas; Quae quoad eveniat, diva Corinna, vale.

The Ladies answer to the praeceeding Love-Poem. Anno 1642.

WHAT, Latin, Sir? why there is no man That e're thought you an English Roman. Your Father horse could teach you none, Nor was it e're your Mother tongue: Your Education too assures Me, that your poem is not yours: Besides I thought you did detest The language of the Latine beast; But now your impudence I see Did hereby shew its modestie; Each sillable would blush you thought, If it had been plain English taught.

And that your foul debauched stuff Might do its errand fast enough. Forsooth its wisdome thought it meet, That words might run to give'em feet. Pardon me, Sir, I'm none of those That love Love-verse, give me your Prose. I wish each verse to make delay Had turn'd lame Scazon by the way; I read an hell in every line of your polluted Fescennine. Your verses stunck, to keep 'em sweet, You should have put socks on their feet' And that the answer which I shall Now write may be methodical, I'le briefly make, 'tis not amiss, An Anacephalaeosis. And first I look'd for Nestor, when Meer Cupid trickles from your pen; Who was your father you make proof By your Coults tooth though not your hoof. She that was great with you you hold Did not lie in, but was with fold. I wonder one so old, so grave, Should yet such youth, such lightness have; Of the five members you alone Shall be esteem'd the Privy one; Who (like the Gnosticks) preach, your text, Increase and multiplie; and next Convincing Doctrines you deduce, Put out the lights and so make use. You say I am a Maid exceeding Apt to be taught by you good breeding, But where there's Breeding, it is said, There's none, unless a broken maid: Turn Papist, Stallion, they'l dispense With whoredome by an Indulgence:

Turn Friar, that thou mayst be free At once with a whole Nunnerie, There 'twill be vertue to ride on The purple Whore of Babylon. Thou mayst as soon be Turk as King; And that, ô that's the tempting thing: Then thou mayst glut thy appetite With a Seraglio of delight. I am no Proserpine, that thus I should desire an Incubus: But you must vote (if me you'll win) No Fornication to be sin. You say the house takes it not well, The King 'gainst Rebels should rebel; And that's the reason why you stand To be Dictator of the land; Which put me to a mighty toil Of getting verdigrease and oil; 'Cause such Itch-medicine is a thing That's fittest to annoint you King. You say you'ld undergo and do Wonders, would I undergo you: For my sake you would Cobler play, Your trade should be to under-lay. For me you'd spend your chiefest Blood. Pray spend it on the Sister-hood. You wish to die in those great fights Of Venus, where each wound delights: And should I once to heav'n take wing You'ld follow me, though in a String; Thank you good Sir, it is our will, You your last promise do fullfill. There's nothing spoke that pleaseth us, Like your in funes sedulus. Next come those idle twittle twats, Which call me many God knows whats;

As hallow'd, beautifull and fair, Supple and kind and debonair: You talk of women that did woe, When I am mad I'll do so too; Then that my father may not spie The coupleing of you and I, He shall be guiltlesly detected As a true Subject ill-affected, And so the Protestant shall lie In goal for fear of Poperie. Such fancies as these I've thought best Should punish'd be by being press'd. And that this Body Politick May then be well, which lies now sick. May the Greek Π that fatal Tree This Spring bear all such fruit as Thee.

Eoemina, ex omni parte, Formosa.

TRiginta haec habeat quae vult formosa vocari Foemina, sic Helenam fama fuisse refert; Alba tria, totidem nigra, tria rubra, puella Tres habeat longas, tres totidemque breves, Tres crassas, totidemque graciles, tria stricta, tot ampla Sint ibidem huic formae, sint quoque parva tria: Alba cutis, nivei dentes, albique capilli; Nigri Oculi, Cunnus, nigra Supercilia; Labra, Genae, atque ungues rubri; sit corpore longa▪ Et longi Crines, sit quoque longa Manus; Sintque breves dentes, auris, pes; Pectora lata, Et clunes, distent ipsa Supercilia; Cunnus & os strictum, stringunt ubi cingula stricta; Sint coxae, & collus, vulva que turgidula, Subtiles digiti, crines & labra puellis; Parvus sit nasus, parva Mamilla, caput. Cum nullae aut rarae sint hae, formosa vocari Nulla puëlla potest, rara puëlla potest.