The first [second] book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick, containing five books of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua, and his sonne Pantagruel. Together with the Pantagrueline prognostication, the oracle of the divine Bachus, and response of the bottle. Hereunto are annexed the navigations unto the sounding isle, and the isle of the Apedests: as likewise the philosophical cream with a Limosm epistle. / All done by Mr. Francis Rabelais, in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English.

CHAP. XXII. How Panurge served a Parisian Lady a trick that pleased her not very well.

NOw you must note that the next day was the great festival of Corpus Christi, called the Sacre, wherein all women put on their best apparel, and on that day the said Lady was cloathed in a rich gown of crimson sattin, under which she wore a very costly white velvet petticoat.

The day of the Eve (called the vigile▪

Panurge searched so long of one side and an∣other, that he found a hot or salt bitch, which when he had tied her with his girdle, he led to his chamber, and fed her very well all that day and night; in the morning thereafter he killed her, and took that part of her which the Greek Geomanciers know, and cut it in∣to several pieces as small as he could; then carrying it away as close as might be, he went to the place where the Lady was to come a∣long, to follow the Procession, as the cu∣stome is upon the said holy day; and when she came in, Panurge sprinkled some holy wa∣ter on her, saluting her very courteously: then a little while after she had said her petty devo∣tions, he sate down close by her upon the same bench, and gave her this roundlay in writing, in manner as followeth.

A Roundlay.

For this one time, that I to you my love Discovered, you did too cruel prove To send me packing, hopelesse, and so soon, Who never any wrong to you had done In any kinde of action, word or thought: So that if my suit lik'd you not, you ought T' have spoke more civilly, and to this sense, My friend, be pleased to depart from hence For this one time.

What hurt do I to wish you to remark With favour and compassion how a spark Of your great beauty hath inflam'd my heart With deep affection, and that for my part, I only ask that you with me would dance The brangle gay in feats of dalliance

For this one time.

And as she was opening this paper to see what it was, Panurge very promptly and lightly scattered the drug that he had, upon her in divers places, but especially in the plaits of her sleeves, and of her gowne: then said he unto her, Madam, the poor lovers are not alwayes at ease; as for me, I hope that those heavy nights, those paines and trou∣bles which I suffer for love of you, shall be a deduction to me of so much paine in Purgatory: yet at the least pray to God to give me patience in my misery. Panurge had no sooner spoke this, but all the dogs that were in the Church came running to this Lady with the smell of the drugs that he had strowed upon her, both small and great, big and little, all came, laying out their member; smelling to her, and pissing every where up∣on her, it was the greatest villainy in the world. Panurge made the fashion of dri∣ving them away: then took his leave of her, and withdrew himself into some Chappel or

Oratory of the said Church, to see the sport; for these villainous dogs did compisse all her habiliaments, and left none of her attire un∣besprinkled with their staling, in so much that a tall grey-hound pist upon her head, others in her sleeves, others on her crupper-piece, and the little ones pissed upon her pa∣taines: so that all the women that were round about her had much ado to save her. Whereat Panurge very heartily laughing, he said to one of the Lords of the City, I beleeve that the same Lady is hot, or else that some grey-hound hath covered her lately. And when he saw that all the dogs were flocking about her, yarring at the retardment of their accesse to her, and every way keeping such a coyle with her, as they are wont to do about a proud or salt bitch, he forthwith departed from thence, and went to call Pantagruel: not forgetting in his way alongst all the streets, thorough which he went, where he found any dogs to give them a bang with his foot, saying, Will you not go with your fellowes to the wed∣ding? Away, hence, avant, avant, with a de∣vil avant: And being come home, he said to Pantagruel, Master, I pray you come and see all the dogs of the countrey, how they are as∣sembled about a Lady, the fairest in the City, and would dufle and line her; whereunto Pantagruel willingly condescended, and saw the mystery, which he found very pretty and

strange: But the best was at the Procession, in which were seen above six hundred thou∣sand and fourteen dogs about her, which did very much trouble and molest her, and whithersoever she past, those dogs that came afresh, tracing her footsteps, followed her at the heeles, and pist in the way where her gown had touched. All the world stood ga∣zing at this spectacle, considering the coun∣tenance of those dogs, who leaping up got about her neck, and spoiled all her gorgeous accoutrements, for the which she could finde no remedy, but to retire unto her house, which was a Palace: Thither she went, and the dogs after her; she ran to hide her self, but the Chamber-maids could not abstaine from laughing. When she was entered into the house, and had shut the door upon her self, all the dogs came running, of halfe a league round, and did so well bepisse the gate of her house, that there they made a stream with their urine, wherein a duck might have very well swimmed, and it is the same current that now runs at St. Victor, in which Gobelin dieth scarlet, for the specifical vertue of these pisse-dogs, as our Master Doribus did heretofore preach publickly. So may God help you; a Mill would have ground corne with it; yet not so much as those of Basacle at Toulouse.