Five nevv playes, viz. The English moor, or the mock-marriage. The love-sick court, or the ambitious politique: Covent Garden weeded. The nevv academy, or the nevv exchange. The queen and concubine. / By Richard Brome.

ACT 1. SCENE 2.

Nathaniel. Phillis.

Nat.

Prithee be and answered, and hang off o'me, I ha' no more to say to you in the way

You wot on Phillis.

Phi.

Nor do I seek to you In that way which you wot on, wanton Sir, But to be honest, and to marry me. You have done too much the tother way already.

Nat.

I wish you were more thankful, Mrs. Phillis, To one has taught you a trade to live upon: You are not th'first by twenty I have taught it That thrive well i'the world.

Phi.

There are so many Such teachers in the world; and so few Reformers, that the world is grown so full Of female frailties, the poor Harlotries Can scarce already live by one another, And yet you would have me thrust in among'em.

Nat.

I do not urge you. Take what course you please, But look not after me: I am not mark'd For Matrimony, I thank my stars.

Phi.

Should I run evil courses, you are the cause; And may in time, curse your own act in it: You'l find th'undoing of an honest Maid Your heaviest sin upon your bed of sickness; T will cost your soul the deepest groan it fetches; And in that hope I leave you.

Exit.

Nat.

Farewel wag-tail. Marry thee quoth a! That's wise work indeed! If we should marry every Wench we lie with, 'T were after six a week with some of us. (Marry love forbid) when two is enough to hang one.

Vin.

Nat, we have sought diligently, for fear

Enter Vin∣cent and Edmond.

The news that is abroad should flie before us.

Nat.

What news? What flying fame do you labour with?

Ed.

News that makes all the Gallants i'the Town Fly out o'their little wits: They are so eager, Upon the joy. I mean such youthful Gallants As have, or sold, or mortgag'd; or been cheated

By the grave patron of Arch-cosonage, Whose sad misfortune we are come to sing: Shall I need to name him to thee?

Nat.

Who, the old Rascal Quicksands? speak good Vince, What! has he hangd himself? speak quickly prithe.

Ʋin.

Worse, worse by half man. Durst thou hear a news Whose mirth will hazzard cracking of a rib?

Nat.

I, and't be two. Here's hoopes enough besides To hold my drink in. Pray thee speak; what mischief Is come upon him.

Ed.

I pray thee guess again.

Nat.

Has somebody over-reach'd him in his way Of damnable extortion; and he cut his throat, Or swallowed poison?

Ʋin.

Ten times worse then that too.

Nat.

Is he then hoisted into the Star-Chamber For his notorious practises? or into The high Commission for his blacker arts?

Ed.

Worse then all this.

Nat.

Pax, keep it to your self then, If you can think it be too good for me. Why did you set me a longing? you cry worse And ten times worse; and know as well as I, The worse it is to him, the better wel-come Ever to me: And yet you tell me nothing.

Ʋin.

He has married a young wife.

Nat.

Has he Cadzooks?

Ed.

We bring you no comfort, we.

Nat.

Nere go fine sport, Ha, ha, ha. What is she? Would he had my wench, was here e••ne now, What is she he has married? quickly prithe.

Ʋin.

One much too good for him.

Ed.

The beauteous Millicent. Driven by the tempest of her Uncles will, Is like a pinnace forc'd against the Rock.

Nat.

But he will never split her, that's the b••st on't.

I hope she'le break his heart first. Gentlemen, I thank you for your news; and know what I Will presently go do.

Vin.

Pray stay a little.

Ed.

And take us with you. What will you go do?

Nat.

That which we can all at once, Do not hold me.

Vin.

We came to cast a plot w'ye.

Nat.

Cast a pudding—How long ha'they been mar∣ried?

Ed.

But this morning.

Nat.

You'l ha'me come too late. Ne're go 'tis a shame he was not Cuckolded 'Fore Dinner.

Vin.

That had been a fine first course At a wedding feast indeed. A little patience.

Nat.

Pray let me take my course 'fore supper yet.

Ed.

The business 'longs to us as much as you, He has wrong'd us all alike. He has cozened us As much as you.

Nat.

He has made me so poor That my poor whore eene now claim'd marriage of me.

Vin.

The case is ours. His wrongs are common to us, So shall his wife be, can we purchase her: Did we bring you the news for you to run And prevent us do you think?

Nat.

Pardon my zeal good Gentlemen; which onely Considered but the fitness of the Act, And that 'tis more then time 'twere done ifaith.

Enter The∣ophilus & Arnold.

Ed.

And see here comes a fourth man that has lost More on her part, then we upon the Bridegrooms.

Vin.

He's very sowre and sad. 'Tis crept upon him By this untoward accident.

Nat.

'Twould anger any man to be nos'd of such a match; But Ile remove his sorrow— Gentle Theophilus, you are well met, Your sorrow is familiar with us all In the large loss of your betrothed love;

But, sir, be comforted: you have our pitty And our revenge to ease you. Tis decreed Her husband shall be instantly a Cuckold.

The.

Most sinfully thou lyest; and all that give Breath to that foul opinion.

Draw and fight.

Nat.

What do you mean.

The.

Give me that thought from you; nay, from you all, Or I will rip you for't.

Nat:

Zooks what mean you.

Ʋin.

Hold, Sir, forbear.

The.

Ile have that thought out first.

Nat.

I say he does deserve to be a Cuckold; Let him be what he will, a pox upon him.

Ed. Ʋin.

So we say all.

The.

What's that to ill in her? I stand upon that point. Mans evil merit's No warrant for a womans dishonesty. I say had shee a man forty degrees Beneath his undeservings, twere more possible For him to deceive her with a good Life, Then shee him with a wicked.

Nat.

I say so too. But then I say again, The more's the pitty.

The.

Do and undoe.

He hurts him.

Nat.

Zookes now your bitch has bit me, I say he will be one, he shall be one; Il'e make him one my self.

Ent. Ar. in his fals beard he sides with Theoph. Ext. Na••. Vin. Ed.

Ed. Ʋin.

And weell both help him.

Arn.

Why here's trim stuff. Help ho, Murder, Murder.

Art.

This is oppression gentlemen; an unmanly one.

Nat.

What devils this rais'd? fall off, tis an ill busi∣ness.

Arn.

Have you no hurt Sir.

The.

No I'm confident.

Arn.

By your favour, I will see.

Arnold searche s Theoph.

Art.

What fortune's this, I fought 'gainst friends to save mine enemy,

But I hope neither know me. I desire To rest hid to my friends for my offence to them, And to mine enemy, till I make him dearer.

Exit.

The.

I told thee there was ••one.

Arn.

I'm glad it proves so.

The.

But wher's the Gentleman?

Arn.

Do you not know him sir?

The.

Not I, tis the first time that ere I saw him; To my remembrance; yet he fought for me. Beshrew thy idler care that made me lose him, What should he be that so could fight for me, Yet care not for my company? beshrew thy heart. Why should he use me thus? I shall be sick to think on't. I'm made beholding now to I know not whom; And I'm the worst to sue or seek to a man—

Arn.

That scurvy, between proud and bashful quality, You are famous for, as tother toy that haunts you.

The.

What's that?

Arn.

Why, to be deadly angry, sir, On least occasion, and friends as quickly. Hot and cold in a breath: you are angry now With him that fought for you I warrant you.

The.

In troth I am, and friends with them I fought with; He us'd me peevishly to leave me so, Ere I could thank him.

Arn.

So tis that I told you.

The.

But did you mark th'humanity of my Gentlemen, Cause shee's dispos'd by her self willed uncle On that unworthy Quick sands (Devil take him) They thought twould sound like musick in my ears To hear her disgrace sung; when her fair honour Is all I have to love, now shee's took from me: And that they'd go about to rob me of. Heaven grant me patience. O my slaughter'd father! I am thy son, and know by thy infirmity.

Arn.

Me thinks, Sir, his example should allay you:

Impatience was his ruine.

The.

Push, we see Thieves daily hang'd for Robberies; yet some Go on still in the practice! What a fine Is set upon the head of foul Adultery, And yet our neighbours Wives can hardly scape us! There's Lawes against extortion, and sad penalties Set upon Bribes, Yet great mens hands ha'their fore-fathers itch! Prisons are fill'd with Banckrupts; yet we see How cra••ty Merchants often wrong their credits, And Lond••ners flie to live at Amsterdam! Nothing can banish Nature: That's the Moral.

Arn.

It was indeed your Fathers known infirmity, And ever incident to the noblest Natures. But of your Father, is there yet no hope Of better news?

The.

No, certainly he's slain.

Arn.

I have not heard a story of more wonder; That two such men, of such estates and years, Having liv'd alwayes friends and neighbours nearly, Should at the last fall out so mortally On a poor cast at bowles! Where wast they sought?

The.

It is uncertain. All we heard of'em Was, they rode sorth ('tis now a whole year past) Singly to end their quarrel: But to what Part of the kingdom, or the world they took, We can by no inquiry find or hear Of either of them. Sure they crost the Seas, And both are slain.

Arn.

You speak poor comfort Sir.

The.

I speak as my heart finds. She's gone for ever too; Her hearts desire be with her.

Arn.

Now he's there again.

The.

Then my poor Sisters sickness; that torments me, Never in health since our dear Father left us.

Arn.

And now there.

The.

How shall I do to see these men again? I shall not be at rest till I be friends with'em.

Arn.

Why here's the noble nature still. 'Twil shew it self.

The.

I'le seek'em out. Nathaniel alwayes lov'd me.

Exit.

Arn.

Here's an unsettled humor. In these fits Hel'e nere be mad, nor ever well in's wits.

Exit.