Five nevv playes, viz. The English moor, or the mock-marriage. The love-sick court, or the ambitious politique: Covent Garden weeded. The nevv academy, or the nevv exchange. The queen and concubine. / By Richard Brome.

Scoen. 2.

Enter Erasmus, Blithe, Camelion.

Er.

Be fearlesse Lady, and upon my life, Honour, and faith; you are secure from danger.

Bli.

Sir, I have put me in your hands you see So liberally that I may feare to suffer, If not a censure, yet a supposition Of too much easinesse, in being led So suddenly so farre towards your desire. But my opinion of your noblenesse Joyn'd with your Protestation, pleads my pardon

At least it may, the wretchednesse considered, To which I was enthrall'd.

Er.

It is not more my love Unto your vertue, and your faire endowments. Then pity in me labours your release. Nor is it rather to enrich my self. Then to save you from so immense a danger, As you had fallen into by yielding under Your Uncles weaknesse in so fond a match.

Bli.

Blesse me from being fool-clog'd.

Er.

Now you are free. If you can think your self so, and but yield Unto my present Counsel.

Cam.

Do so Lady Before you are mist within. Here is the Closet, And here's the Key in your own hands, And pre∣sently I'le fetch a Priest.

Er.

You see I still deal fairlie w'ye; and give you power To keep guard on your self.

Bli.

And yet I yield My self your prisoner.

Cam.

In: some body comes. She will be yours. And let me tell you, sir, I wish you as much joy with her, as I Have with my Cock.

Er.

You have befriended me In this good enterprise: And one good turne Requires another. And now for that I told you, Touching your wife, your Cock you so rejoyce in.

Cam.

Alas. alas, good Gentlemen, you would fain Ha' me be jealous. Honi soit, y'are short.

Enter Val. Hannah.

Er.

Stand by and observe.

Val.

Do you begin to boggle, And when I send for twenty pieces, do you Send me but ten?

Cam.

What's that?

Er.

Nay mark.

Val.

I pray, What have I had in all by your account.

Han.

At several times, you have had fifty pounds of my poor husbands money.

Val.

What's that to the free pleasure of my body Which must afford you sweet and lustie payment? You froward Monkey. But perhaps you ha' got Some new-found Horn-maker, that you may think, Deserves your husbands money better, for Doing his Journey-work, one o'the Monsieurs, Or both perhaps i'th' house here under's Antlers, It must be so, why else of all the town, Must I be one o'th' last that must take notice Of your new College here, your brazen face Col∣lege Of feates and fine fagaries? do you grow weary of me?

Han.

Do you grow wilde? speak lower, do you mean to undo me?

Val.

Will tother fifty pound undo thee, I have lost All that I had within among your Monsieurs. And you must yield supply, or lose a friend Of me.

Cam.

What a way would so much money have gone In betts at the ducking pond?

Han.

Will no lesse serve your turn then fifty?

Val.

No lesse. All makes (you know) but a just hun∣dred. And there I'le stick; and stick close to thee too, Else all flies open. What care I who knows

Your credits breach, when you respect not mine.

Cam.

'Tis too well known already; All••s too open. My house, my purse, my wife, and all's too open.

Han.

O me, undone.

Cam.

Was ever loving husband So much abusd?

Val.

Enquire among your neighbours.

Er.

Be patient man.

Cam.

O thou close whore.

Val.

Take heed, sir, what you say. Eene now you said she was too open, sir. Y'are in two tales already.

Han.

I feare he's mad Or jealous, which is worse.

Val.

Pish, Honi soit. He jealous, he defies it.

Cam.

Do you deride me? Sir, you can witnesse with me, he confest Receipt of fifty pounds my wife has lent him, (False woman that she is) for Horn-making, Job Journey-work.

Han.

You are deceiv'd.

Cam.

I know. (At least I think) I am deceiv'd in both. My money and thy honesty, but the Lawes In both shall do me right, or all shall flie for't. I'le instantly to councel.

Han.

Hear me first.

Er.

By all meanes hear her first. Pray grant her that.

Cam.

I dare not look on her, lest I be tempted To yield unto my shame and my undoing.

Val.

Will you not heare your Cock, your Nansie, Nanny Cock.

Han.

Time was you would not ha' denied me that.

Cam.

Nor any thing, if my Cock had but stood upon't. Such was my love, but now,

Han.

But now y'are jealous.

Cam.

Have I not cause?

Han.

Here's tother fifty pieces, take 'hem sir. They are full weight, and truly told.

Val.

Brave wench.

Han.

If you will law, sir, you shall law for some∣thing.

Cam.

What dost thou mean?

Val.

I hope she'll humble him so, That he shall keep our chamber-door for us, While we get boyes for him. A dainty Rogue, She tempts me strongly now. Would she would call me About it presently.

Han.

That money sir May serve to countenance you among the Gamesters Within, that blew you up. The Lady widow May think the better of your credit too, Being so good i'th' house.

Val.

I'le streight amongst 'em.

Cam.

Councel me not sir. All my joyes are gone. I cannot think now what a ducking pond Can be good for, except to d••own me in't.

Er.

Alas, poor man, I was in this too busie.

Han.

Stay, you shall promise me before my hus∣band, That you will never more attempt my chastity.

Val.

That bargaine's yet to make. Though before him I may say much, I will not stand to that For all the wealth he has.

Han.

You shall protest Then, fairly, as you are a Gentleman

You never have enjoy'd me.

Cam.

I like that.

Val.

No, no, I cannot safely, for in that I shall surrender up my interest In's house; and he may warne me out on't. No, Take heed o' that. 'Tis not his tother hundred Shall make me slip that hold.

Cam.

I am lost again.

Han.

What a bold thief is this! Pray heare me, sir. You may remember that I ask't you once What Countreyman you were.

Val.

Yes, when you first cast your good liking on me, and I told you.

O'th' Isle of Wight: And what o' that?

Han.

And you Call Captain Hardyman, their father-in-law.

Val.

You wrong me basely, to say I call him any thing; for he gives me nothing.

Han.

You wrong him basely. Look you, Can you reade.

Val.

I had done ill to venter (as I ha' done) On Salisbury plain else. Hah, what's here

That daughter, I sent you order to receive for me an hundred pounds. If you finde that your brother the Spendthrift Val. Askal, (Zookes that I) be in any want, furnish him according to your own discretion.

I am Val. Askal, where's the money? My hundred pound, ha' you't.

Han.

It seems a Sister of yours had it. Ha' you a sister?

Val,

He had a daughter by my mother, but He plac••d her out a childe, I know not where Where's that young whore trow? Hannah I think her name was. Hang me if 〈◊〉〈◊〉 know directly.

Cam.

My wives name's Hannah, sir.

Han.

I am that sister, brother, but no whore.

Er.

Now Val. your brags to make men think you lay with her.

Han.

You have your hundred pound sir. Look you, husband. This is my fathers letter which you wrote on. That which you dar'd the devil and Clerks to coun∣terfeit, reade your own hand.

Cam.

Honi soit qui maly pense.

Er.

I must admire this woman.

Val.

Do'st think I did not know thee.

Han.

No sir, nor would I that you should, Till I had foil'd you in your course, And had my will to make my husband jealous.

Cam.

My Cock, my Cock again, my Nanny cock, Cock-all my Cock-a-hoop, I am overjoy'd, See, see thy father too.

Enter Matchil, Hardy, Lafoy, Cash.

Mat.

This is the woman. To whom I paid your money.

Hard.

'Tis my daughter—. My blessing on you.—What are you here too.

Val.

And ask you blessing too. Your hundred pound Has bound me to't. Heaven blesse you, Here's halfe one still, yes, and the better halfe, for tother's spent.

Hard.

O y'are a great good husband.

Val.

I would be one. And here's a good rich wi∣dow Now in the house, your countenance may help me, My Sister and my Brother both can tell you, How orderly and civilly I live.

Cam.

O wag.

Hard.

'Tis like sir, I shall prove your Furtherer. What is she?

Val.

That Merchants Sister, and a Lady sir. I would not have him heare.

Hard.

Well talk aside then.

[talk aside.

Mat.

In that I'm partly satisfied.

Er.

I love you sir, And waited on your wife but as your Sp••e, For feare he might have led her to more folly.

Mat:

But saw you not two such Damsels here?

Er.

Here are Some in the house that would not be seen by us.

Cash.

Because they thought you'd know 'hem.

Er.

And if that Old fellow be your brother Strigood, tis most strange

Mat.

You know not him here do you?

Er.

No not I.

Mat.

'Tis my man Cash.

Er.

Most wonderful.

Mat.

We shall know more anon.

Laf.

Pray haste sir, to discovery: I would f••ine Once see my daughter.

Mat.

I would see a little The fashions o'the house first.

Cash.

Pray obscure Your selves in that by room there, where you may See and hear all that passes, nor can any Passe out o'th' house without your notice. The Gentlemen and I will mix again With the Society, if they please.

Er.

Agreed. Within Strigood. Where are you Gent'emen?

Er.

Come away Val.

Mat.

Is not that the Hell-hounds voice?

Cash

Yes, 'tis your brother.

Mat.

Good Captain go with us upon discovery.

Han.

I'le seat you to see all, and be unseen.

Cam.

Do so good Cock. Do so now sir, I'le fetch the Priest.

Ex. Han. Hard. Mat. Lafoy.

Enter Strigood.

Stri.

O Gentlemen, you have lost such sport, the Lady And Merchants wife have been by th' eares.

Cash

Could not The old Knight part 'hem?

Stri

He has done his best, And almost lost his eyes in the adventure Betwixt the Furies tallons▪

Er.

But are they friends agen?

Stri.

And deep in complement. Our school affords no such in act or language.

Enter Lady, Rach.

La.

Sister, Indeed I am too much your trouble.

Ra.

Pray Madam let me serve you truly truly. I'le be your servant for a yeare and a day

La.

Indeed, indeed you wrong your self, I am yours.

Ra.

I am your servants servant, and will serve Under your Ladiships Cook to do you service.

La.

Indeed you may not.

La.

If I may not be Accepted for your houshold servant, let me Become your Chare-woman▪ in any office From Cupboard to (lose-stool, I can do all To do your Ladiship service.

Val,

This now savours of Complement indeed.

Ra.

In sooth, 'tis sooth, forsooth the tale I tell you.

Enter Neh.

Neh.

Well acted mother.

La.

Y' are too obsequious Good gentle Sister.

Ra.

I am short of good. Gentle I grant I am, for I bite no body, Command me then sweet Madam.

Neh.

And very well acted Nant.

La.

O you shall pardon me▪

Ra.

I am no Pope, for your sake would I were.

La.

Your courtesie o'recomes me.

Ra.

O not so. I wish it could forsooth, would it were better for you.

Neh.

Exceeding well acted o'both sides. Mother and Aunt f'sooth, Amardla you have done't Better then the two School-Mystresses to d••y Could do their Whatshicomes, their Complements I think you call 'hem. But I ha' lost my Mystresse To complement withal. Mrs. Bli••he Tripshort Has out-strip't me, Amardla that she has.

La.

Where's he•• wise Uncle should ha' look't to her.

Neh.

He's crying all about the house for her, But cannot finde her. How shall I have her now?

La.

Thou shalt not have her boy, she's naught.

Neh.

Then he's Naught too. You sha'nt have him.

La.

Nor will, I feare not.

Neh.

Think of the Gentleman, mother that out-fac'd The Frenchman for me. I would you had a thousand such in France now.

Val.

God-a-mercy boy.

Er.

Peace, hear a little more.

Enter Camelion.

Cam.

Sir; come away.

I have found a carelesse Curate, that has nothing but a bare Coat too loose shall chopt't up presently. And give him but a piece, he'll fear no Cannon.

Er.

I am bound to thee for ever.

Ex. Cam. Er.

Stri.

Whither goes he?

Val.

No matter, let him go t'untrusse perhaps.

Enter Whimlby, Ephraim.

Eph.

I say she is i'th house.

Whim.

She's gone, she's gone.

Whim.

She's flowen out of a window, or chimney-top then. I'm sure I wrtch't the door with epen eyes E're since you entred, as my Lady charg'd me, Lest her childe might slip out to play i th' street.

Neh.

And I am here you see. He cannot see He has no more eyes then a sucking pig, And yet he weeps like a roasted one.

Whim.

I am abus'd, And r••nder me my Neece, You have stolne her for your sonne.

La.

My sonne defies her, As I do you, old whining wither'd fellow, That has no moisture in him but for teares.

Val.

That is my Cue. A young well govern'd man Were fitter, Madam.

Ra.

Where have you been servant?

Val.

I speak to my Lady.

Ra.

My Lady, I think you said. Are you so stout sir▪ hah?

La.

I rather think he playes the cunning hypocrite

With his false teares, and packt her hence himself

Ra.

My Lady mindes you not, and I can learn To give you a broad side too.

Eph.

Madam, that cannot be, for I have seen All that went out, or came into the house▪ Since you. Here came a Church man in ere while.

Whim.

A Churchman! then I feare she's clbsely mar∣ried unto her wo and mine.

Neh.

Perhaps to me. Behinde my back you said she would do so. And before him came in your brother Matchil.

La.

My brother, who her husband?

Eph.

Yes, with others.

Ra.

My husband, I think you ••aid What a foule house these washing dayes make?

Val.

Nay, 'tis no Jest Now ••••dies let me tell you, And sad Sir Swithin; pray lend all your eares.

Stri.

Cash, we are betray•••• Cash if we be not nimble. I smell a Fox. Hy thee up quickly Cash, And hurry down the wenches We'll make bold with My Ladies Coach to hurry us away.

Enter Matchil, Hardy, Lafoy, Hannah.

Mat.

But not too fast, Go sir, fetch down the wenches. Thou shamelesse Reprobate. Doest thou hang thy head now? I'le take a course to hang the rest o'thee. Your Ladiships well met at the new school. So is your Chare-woman. Ha' you profited By the devils doctrine here? you weep sin Swithin For the iniquity of the times.

Neh.

You mean His Neece, pray Vncle did you meet her, She's gone away too, after my Cousin Joyce,

And the French maid, I think, she is here agen.

Enter Eras. Blithe, Camelion.

Amardla, wipe your eyes, and look Sir Swithin, The tother honest Gentleman has found her. And let him take her for his paines for me.

Er.

I thank your love. But sir, 'tis your consent We only seek.

Mat.

Sir Swithin, let 'em have it,

Mat.

This is the Gentleman I would have spoke for: In birth, in meanes, in person every way Deserving her. Take him upon my word.

Hard.

And Madam, since you stick but upon Joyn∣cture, Having heard lately well of his husbandry.

Han.

Thank a good sister, sir.

Hard.

I will secure you Three hundred pounds a year, your brother knows me.

Mat.

With make good his word. Agree by your selves.

Lad.

Upon these termes, 'tis like we shall agree. Sir Swithin are you pleas'd.

Whim.

Pleas'd or displeas'd. It seems they are married.

Cam.

Yes, I assure you, I saw their hands joyn'd, and I heard 'hem both Answer the Priest.

Whim.

I will no longer whine. Heaven give you joy, As y'are your owne, y' are mine.

Cam.

There are more weddings i'th' house, your daughters, Are linck't by this time to the two young Frenchmen.

Mat.

His daughters? ours I fear? what French? where are they?

Enter Cash, two sonne's, Joy, Gab.

Cash.

Here sir, undone I feare.

Mat,

What are you married.

Mat.

Jun: Sir, she is mine, I must and will main∣tain it.

Laf.

Jun. And she is mine.

Laf.

This is your sonne. And this Is mine.

Mat.

This is your daughter. And this mine. Each married to her brother.

Laf.

Jun. Mon Pere Je desire vestre Benediction Jour pour moy & ma fennue.

Laf.

You are lost children all, was ever thread By fate so crossely sp••n, so crossely wed?

Mat.

I know not how to Blesse you, or to look On your incestuous eyes.

Laf.

Jun. What is dat Incest, We have commit noting, we have no time, Since we were marry for so much as kisse, Begar no point so much as but one kisse.

Har.

Be not dismay'd. These marriages are none. The errour of the persons nullifies The verbal ceremony; and 'tis well They past not unto further rites: I'le finde A lawful way to clear all this. And then As you and they consent, they shall exchange And marry in due order.

Laf.

Jun. Sir I tanck you. You'ave speak very well. And we shall make. De exshange presently. A new exchange, De new Exshange indeed, for de husbands To shange the wifes before they can be wearie. Prenez mon frere, la voici la' une pour lautre. Dere, is one for anoder:

Har.

Is each party Agreed, and so content?

Ma.

J. Gab. We are.

Jo.

And we.

Laf. Ju.

Wee wee, I ensuis tresbien contult.

Mat. Ja.

Provided that we have our fathers leaves and councels.

Mat.

Can you seek fathers leaves or councels now, That have run from 'hem in your disobedience, Into the snares of hell: too farre I fear To be releast. O hell-bred Villain.

Stri.

Your brother o' one side.

Mat. Ju.

Lend but a patient care. And by my hopes of your desired pardon I'le quit you of your feare. 'Tis true, my duty At my Arrival should have wing'd me to you. But hearing of your late, ill talk't on marriage.

Mat.

O that root of mischief, And of my Sisters flight as ••oth to appear to you, As to presume a welcom; I was curious First to observe the Town, and taste the newes; When more by Providence then accident, Here we made choice of lodging, saw and lik't The practices of the Society, Until this wicked man; (who still presumes To call you brother,) finding us youthful strangers, And (as he might suppose) wanton—

Mat.

He made A bargain with you for their Maiden heads.

Cash

told me that, and how that hellish purpose Was vertuously declin'd.

Stri.

O counterfeit Cash.

Mat.

But must you therefore, knowing whose sons you were. Marry you knew not whom.

Mat. Ju.

Pardon me, sir.

Our loves were noble, and by due enquirie, Fetch't from each others faithful breast, the knowledge Of each other.

Mat.

VVhat! and marry then Each his own Sister? Riddle me not to death.

Mat. Ju.

Sir, I have done. And now that I have said The worst that might have hapned by his practice, To make his shame or his repentance greater, VVho only was my aim. VVe are not married, None of us all are married one to other.

Cam.

No, I assure you sir. Howere I li'd At their request, (small matter for a friend) I saw all the hurt the Priest did here to day. That was upon them two there.

Er.

Thank you sir.

Mat.

You shall be then: And so take hands in earnest. Is't not a double Match Lafoy?

Laf.

VVithout All manner of condition I consent.

Mat.

I am full of joy.

Cash.

O can you pardon me sir.

Mat.

Good boy, good boy. I know not how a City Could stand without such Prentices. And hope This wants few such. But what canst thou now say Brother, o' one side for thy felfe. Speak quickly▪ VVhile the good humour holds me to be friends VVith all the world: yet yonder's one lies heavy Athwart my stomack.

Stri.

Y'are full of joy you say. And I say had it been within my power, To have broke your heart, I had don't. Therefore in me Be comforted and love me; for I finde I have no power to hurt you, and will therefore Attempt no further.

Mat.

Brotherly spoke in troth.

And worthily worth an hundred mark a month, Shall ha't.

Stri.

Know then into the bargain, that I forg'd the letter that suggeited to you My Nephews death, in hope of means that way.

Mat.

Honestly said agaiu. Now what say you?

Ra.

I say that I am humbled on my knees. I beg your pardon.

Mat.

All's too well me thinks. But heark, before you break up school, lets have Oue frisk, one fling now, one cariering dance, And then pack up.

Omn.

Agreed, Agreed, Agreed.

Stri.

Play then Les tous ensembles.

Neh.

That's the French name on't, Uncle, 'tis in Dutch call'd All-to-mall; and I call it in English. Omnium Gatherum, 'tis the daintiest daunce. We had it here to day: I and my mother, My Aunt and all can daunce in't, as well as the best. With every one in their own footing. Now observe.

Daunce.

Mat.

You have done well. Now pray lets break up school.

Hard.

But yet not break up house. My sonne and daughter. Have given me power to call their Supper mine. To which I'le give you welcome, Ale and VVine.

Deus dedit his quoque finem, laus Deo.