Another collection of philosophical conferences of the French virtuosi upon questions of all sorts for the improving of natural knowledg made in the assembly of the Beaux Esprits at Paris by the most ingenious persons of that nation / render'd into English by G. Havers, Gent. & J. Davies ..., Gent.

CONFERENCE CLXXIV. Whether Fruition diminishes Love. (Book 174)

THe Ignorance of the Definition of Love, seems to have occasion'd this Question. For since the Passions are di∣stinguish'd only by the various apprehension of Good and Evil; Hope, respecting good absent; Love, that which is present; (whence 'tis seldom without some inward joy, and Lovers would not be freed from their Passion, though they complain of it) to question, Whether we love what we possess, is to question, Whether Love be Love. Besides, Love being not of things unknown, it follows that the more we know, the more we love that which is amiable (as we do by possessing it) for we cannot judge of that which we possess not, but by the report of others, which is commonly lyable to fallacy, according to the several interests of the Reporters: Which will appear better by the

comparison of one that prefers a Picture before what it repre∣sents. For what proportion there is between the Picture of a Mistress, and the Mistress her self; the same is found between such Mistress whilst she permits her Servant no privacy, and her self when she is married to him; the Actions of the one being but the shadow and Picture of those of the other, which are dis∣cover'd in their simplicity by fruition. We may say therefore, that the Passion before Enjoyment, is Desire; but Possession alone is capable to produce true Love. Besides, the perfection of each thing compleats it, and places it in its highest point, instead of destroying it; so likewise Enjoyment, which is the perfection of Love, and the sole Butt it aims at, doth not ex∣tinguish it. As one delightful meal may appease present hunger, but with-all it incites us rather to desire another than to disgust it.

The Second said, Did we not converse with things altogether imperfect, Possession would encrease Love, because it would see new perfections in the thing belov'd: But on the contrary, common Experience teaches us the imperfection of what, before Enjoyment, we accounted highly of; and so our Love of it comes to be diminish'd. Besides, difficult things being the fairest, and contrarily brave things, whose acquisition is easie, contemn'd, (witness the Orders of Knight-hood and other Honors, which have been made rare, only that they might be the more amiable) it follows that we less love what we have in our power, than what we have not; Humane weakness being soon weary of every thing, and naturally carry'd to change: But we cannot be weary of things not in our power, and, consequently, we must esteem them more than what we possess, the familiarness whereof, is apt to breed Contempt of it in us: Besides that, the Mind is prone to seek what it wants, and to esteem the con∣dition of another above its own. Thus the Ox would fain gallop like the Horse, who on the other side envies his labour at the Plough; and every one takes more pleasure in speaking of what he least understands, and about the profession of others, than about his own. Yea, Experience shews us, that Lovers re∣linquish both the thing and name of Servants, as soon as they are marry'd. Whence a late Poet speaking of his Mistress, said, He knew no way to moderate the excessive Love he had for her, but by marrying her.

The Third said, That true Love must be distinguish'd from false; this latter decresing by fruition, whereas the former is encreas'd by it; as also we must distinguish of Subjects that are lov'd. Those that deserve not to be so, are like coarse Pictures which require to be beheld at a distance and in a certain station, because neerness discovers their defects; whereas the nearer an excellent and well drawn piece is beheld, the more it is esteem'd. Besides, a difference must be made between what is practis'd and what ought to be practis'd. The defects of the person lo∣ving

are not to be imputed to the thing loved; and therefore the Question should not be whether Enjoyment diminishes, but whether it ought to diminish Love; as indeed it neither ought nor doth in things truly amiable; for the more they are known, the more they endear themselves. As therefore the more the Sun ripens a Grape, the sweeter it is: and yet one in a Fever thinks it bitter and prefers Verjuice before it; which neverthe∣less, makes us not conclude Verjuice the sweeter of the two: So the disgust of a Lover is not to be imputed to the thing lov'd, but is indeed an argument of his own imperfection.

The Fourth said, If the diminution of Love upon enjoyment were a sign of weakness of judgment, Women would not be (as they are) more constant then Men after the same: as we see, more Men desert the Love of Women, then on the contrary. Witness the story of Demophoon after enjoyment of the King of Thrace's Daughter, who fell into despair upon his departure, as Medea did upon that of Jason, and Dido upon that of her Aeneas. The cause whereof seems not imputable to feminine Pudor, as if having yielded themselves to one man they could not keep their honour unless they keep their affection: but the reason is, because Men are more perfect then Women and find more causes in them for change. Yet I conceive that the aug∣mentation or diminution of Love ariseth not from enjoyment; as appears by Friendship, which is contracted only after long converse, and the eating of many bushels of Salt together (as the Proverb speaks) so far is a thorough knowledg, such as En∣joyment gives us, from diminishing it. Not to mention the ex∣amples of many married couples, who if occasion were offer'd, would not stick to imitate the noble contention of Gracchus and Cornelia, and chuse to dye one for the other.

The Fifth said, That if Fruition diminishes Love, it must be the fault either of the Lover, or the thing lov'd. Not the first; for he is always the same person, and fruition renders his object more sensible, and consequently more amiable to him. Nor the latter; since the very imperfections of the thing lov'd seem so many perfections to him that loves it,

Balbinumque suae delectat polypus Agnae.

Thus also the imperfections of Children diminish not their Pa∣rents love, but by the help of compassion augment the same; Grandfathers commonly love their Childrens Children more tenderly then their own; and amongst their own, the youngest. Which holds not only in this kind of work, but in all others; bad Painters having no less kindness for their own pieces then Apelles could have for his.

The Sixth said, That the Question may be determin'd by di∣stinguishing the sorts of Love. Impetuous Love, such as is found in Youth and the Poets describe, swells (like Torrents)

by resistance, and languishes by liberty. Regular and sober Love, such as is found in ripe years, towards deserving subjects, and especially divine things, encreases (like Rivers) by the ac∣cession of new Notions, as so many new Springs, till it end in a boundless Ocean. Either sort receives augmentation or dimi∣nution according to the diversity of the minds affected there∣with; the weak, as less capable of understanding the inconve∣niences of this impetuous passion, (which mastering all the rest, deprives them of the use of Reason, and renders them un∣profitable to other actions of life) continue longer before they come to themselves and quit this trouble. Hence Women, and of them the least judicious, are conceiv'd to retain this passion longest, even after possession of what they lov'd. The contra∣ry happens in the other love, wherein the more we enjoy, the more we are enflam'd to further pursutes of knowledg.