Another collection of philosophical conferences of the French virtuosi upon questions of all sorts for the improving of natural knowledg made in the assembly of the Beaux Esprits at Paris by the most ingenious persons of that nation / render'd into English by G. Havers, Gent. & J. Davies ..., Gent.

CONFERENCE CXLI. Whether it be better to marry, or not to marry. (Book 141)

IF Nature made the Crystalline humor of the Eye without co∣lour, the Tongue without savour, the Ear without sound, to the end they might impartially judge of all Objects offer'd to those Senses; I know not to whose judgement we must referr the Decision of this Question: Virgins, marry'd people, and those that are not marry'd, being equally interessed, and con∣sequently, lyable to exception. The first, professing Hatred of Marriage; The second, unwilling to blame it, for fear of af∣fronting their pass'd Judgement; And the Third, being unfit to judge thereof for want of Experience. If we will credit Cato, who had try'd it, and who being one day sollicited by his Friends to second Nuptials, told them, He had once been deliver'd from Shipwrack, and therefore car'd not for venturing to Sea again; those that never embarque in Marriage will gain the Cause, it being the highest point of Humane Prudence to be wise at the expense of others, whose example makes them justly fear the in∣convenienes of a Contract, so disadvantageous to the freedom of Man, as that of Marriage is, wherein there is this peculiarity, that in all other Contracts, ever one party is a gainer; but here both are oftentimes cheated, almost alwayes discontented with the bargain, and willing to retract, if they had liberty, which hath been retrencht eversince the Law of Divorce was abroga∣ted by that of Grace, for the greater mortifying of Men, and teaching them to suffer and sigh, in satisfaction for their sins, under the heavy yoke of Marriage. Besides that, the Friend∣ship so much boasted therein, is so rare, as to be almost impos∣ble; partly, because the Will is never carry'd to love an Object but by its full Liberty, and loves less upon never so little con∣straint; and partly, because Converse shews the Marry'd Couple

one another's defects, which being alwayes more then their Virtues, 'tis no wonder if Hatred arise thereupon more fre∣quently than Amity, whatever artifice be us'd to make shew of the contrary.

The Second said, He must be a Misanthropus, and have wholly renounc'd all Humane Sentiments that can blame Mar∣riage, the most honourable and ancient Society of the World, founded not onely upon the Divine Law, (which makes it a Sacrament, and a very great Mystery) and upon that of Nati∣ons, by whose universal Consent, it hath been honor'd with great Priviledges and Immunities; as on the contrary, Celibacy hath been publickly discountenanc'd and punish'd: but also upon that of Nature, who hath inspir'd into all Animals a desire of joyning and coupling together for Generation of their like; which desire is greater in Men, inasmuch as he aspires to Immor∣tality, no otherwise attainable in this World but by Marriage, which revives him in his Children. And the pleasure of them too is so great, that he must first be a Father that would con∣ceive what it is; nor is the yoke of Marriage insupportable, ex∣cept to such as desire to live dissolutely. The Amity arising thereupon, if founded upon Virtue and Honor, not upon Beauty, or such other profitable or delightful Good, differs as much from Love, as the continual temperate heat of the Blood and Spirits doth from its ebullition and distemper; being alwayes augmented by mutual Offices of either party, rendred with a frankness and confidence not found in any other condition what∣soever, where there is nothing else but Dissimulation and Hypo∣crisie. 'Tis in Marriage alone that there is any treating with Li∣berty and Ingenuity; and therefore that State is to be desir'd, not onely by the miserable for Consolation of their Afflictions, but also by those who are happy for communicating their Feli∣city, which is tedious when it hath no partakers.

The Third said, Our Life is full enough of miseries, with∣out needing addition of those that commonly attend Marriage; which a Philosopher, who had triy'd it, said, hath but two good dayes; the first, when there is nothing but laughing; and the last, which delivers us from that sad slavery; perfectly contrary both to liberty and quiet, (the two greatest Goods a wise Man can enjoy in this Life) which are inconsistent with the turmoil of Houswifrie, and the Cares of Marriage, from which therefore the Brachmans, Gymnosophists, Galli, and Vestals, and at this day, such as are devoted to God's Service, have been exempted, to the end the better to mind Contemplation and Virtuous Ex∣ercises; both hard to be done in Marriage, wherein scarce any other Virtue is practis'd but Patience, (whereof 'tis the true School) which Socrates said, He had learnt better by the scolding of his Wife, than by all the Precepts of the Philo∣sophers.

The Fourth said, Men would be Vagrants and Stragglers like

wild Beasts, were it not for Marriage, which is the foundation of the State; for it makes Families, and Families make Com∣mon-wealths; which, consequently, owe their Nativity and increase to marry'd people, who have a much greater interest in the Conservation of the State, than those that have nei∣ther House nor Home, as unmarry'd Men seldom have. But as there is no compleat Good in this World; so Marriage, though a most holy and good thing in it self, instituted by God in Para∣dise, and during the state of Innocence, hath nevertheless its in∣commodities, not so much from it self, as from the fault of the persons who know not how to use it as they ought.

The Fifth said, 'Tis peculiar to Marriage to have nothing small or moderate; every thing in it is extream. 'Tis either full of sweetness and Affection, or of Hatred and bitterness; 'tis either a Paradise, or a Hell. When 'tis suted with all Conditions requisite, there's no state happier; but when any is wanting, no Infelicity equals it. And because Good requires the integrity of all its constituent parts, but Evil comes from the least defect; 'tis no wonder that few or no Marriages are happy, since there is none wherein there is not something to be wisht for, especially when the match is made, (as most commonly 'tis) by another's Hand; though 'tis strange, that Men who are so circumspect and wary in other bargains, searching, examining, and taking Essay of what they buy, should have so little Prudence in an Affair of such Consequence and Danger. There is nothing but a Wife that a Man is oblig'd to keep as long as he lives; but they have been taken at a venture, since, at the instance of the Roman Dames, the Law of Ancus Martius was abolisht, who had pur∣posely built a Temple to Male-Fortune near the Tyber, where Wo∣men were carefully examin'd. And as tis an intolerable madness to engage voluntarily into fetters and a perpetual Prison, by subject∣ing one's self to the Caprichio of a Woman; so 'tis great simpli∣city in a Man to entrust his Honor, the chiefest of all Goods, to her inconstant humor, who may render us infamous when the Phansie takes her. I think therefore, every one ought to consult himself, Whether it be fit for him to marry or not, that is, Whether he believes he ha's Virtue and Constancy enough to suffer the defects of a Woman, who may be commendable in some Point, but at the bottom is alwayes a Woman.