Of education, especially of young gentlemen in two parts, the second impression with additions.

CHAP. VI. Of giving, receiving, and promising.

IT is uncivil and unfitting for a man to oblige another to keep a promise disadvantagious to him; or one made in mirth, passion, hast, un∣advisedly, in civility, or compliment, or one obsolete; as also not to admit of a reasonable excuse for the failure of a promise.

It becometh every man to promise nothing but what he intends to perform: yet many, tho justly denied, are much displeased; for all men govern not themselves by reason. Insomuch that if a person desire to engage your indea∣vors in his business, if you shew him the diffi∣culties, tho you promise your assistance, he commonly takes it for a denial, or a sign that you intend not seriously to befriend him. For these and such like reasons, the fashion now-a∣daies is, to give good hopes to all suiters, and to promise very freely and largely. And they find thereby great advantage (as they think) for carrying on business. The performance is

sometimes hindred by unexpected casualities; sometimes a good and plausible excuse goes a great way; sometimes the party suffers himself to be wheedled with good words. Yet 'tis so ignoble and dishonorable a thing for a man to be worse then his word, that it never ought to be done. But this may he do; he may enter∣tain all suiters with general or conditional pro∣mises, and fair words: and tho all men ought to look at effects, and not words; yet have good words a wonderful power (take heed of being fool'd by them) I suppose be∣cause every one values himself, and his merits, at more then he is worth; and he is offended when that price is not set upon him, as him∣self thinks to deserve.

At Court they are wont to promise and of∣fer service largely, especially to those, who are not likely to make use of them; but to∣wards ordinary conversants they are more wa∣ry, because better known.

Grant a Courtesy (if you intend it) without much asking, for that doubles it. To keep long in suspense is churlish, and by long expecta∣tion the passion to the favor dies, and the courtesy is not esteemed, nor thanks heartily given for it. Monsignior Pamfilio (afterwards Innocent X.) in his Nunciature in France, and ever after was called Monsignior-non-si-puo. From his frequent use of that answer to Suitors. Do your favors cheerfully, not as if they slipt through your fingers, or were stollen or wrested from you. And do them readily, for the intreater submits himself to the intreated; his modesty therefore must be considered. Non è cosa piu cara, che quella, che con priegh▪ si compra. Do

them also without considering whether they be lost, or likely to be recompensed; for a mag∣nanimous and generous person looks not to receive as much again; for that is the courte∣sy of Tradesmen. Be not as the Barbarous King of Madagascar that demanded more for the cowes he gave, then his subjects for those they sold; for he said, that his good will and kindness was to be recompensed. And if you deny, do it with good words; as if you were sorry you could not pleasure him.

Be not niggardly of that which costs you no∣thing; as Counsel, Countenance, and the like. But beware of being security; rather offer to lend mony of your own upon others bond.

And by no means sell your Ceremonies, nor pay your creditors, friends, and servants with good words, looks, and smoak.

After a courtesy done, if you upbraid it, you lose it; one principal end of giving being to ob∣lige the receiver to your self and interest. Nei∣ther too much undervalue, nor extol your gift; but rather diminish, and excuse, when you give: seeming pleas'd so small a matter stood in such stead, and was so well placed, and ac∣cepted; that you shall be ready to do greater service upon occasion; but when you receive a favor, rather augment it.

He is not ungrateful, who cannot, but who will not, repay; will not through malignity and evil disposition. Wherefore a generous spirit is satis∣fied, when the receiver declares his acceptance of the courtesy, and acknowledgeth the favor and honor; for that shews he hath a good mind to be grateful; if he were able.

After a courtesy received, be not in hast to return

another; for that shews you are not willing to be beholden, nor return a much greater, for that seems to reproach the smalness of the re∣ceived.

Those who willingly alwaies receive and never give, or those who would alwaies give and ne∣ver receive, (of which melancholic generous humor some few there are) are not much esteemed in conversation.

Towards other mens Servants the custom of the Country is to be followed. In many places the Ma∣ster takes it ill if his Servant be considerably rewarded for what himself gives. But it is not so with us; where to lodg at a friends house is dearer, besides the inconvenience, then at a com∣mon Inne; and where what a friend sends, is perhaps a present, but not a gift; when the re∣ceiver paies double, the value to the Messenger, and an acknowledgment to the sender. However in all places in entertainment, great care is ta∣ken the Servants be pleased, for the tongues of idle persons are loos-hung.

If you desire a courtesy from one beholding to you, 'tis ingenuous not to put him in mind of it; least he think you tax him of ingratitude.

A favor done to a man sinking, or in any dan∣ger, is alwaies very obliging; both because it te∣stifies sincerity without expectation of a return, and a good opinion of the receiver; to whom the giver needs not to be favorable.

Most men do more for interest either of gain, or friends, then reason. More for favor, then obligation. But mony, if well and discreetly applyed, seldom fails of its effect.

A man apt to promise is as apt to forget it.