Lingua, or, The combat of the tongue, and the five senses for superiority a pleasant comoedy.

ACT. 2. SCEN. 4.

MEMORY, An old decrepit man, in a black Velvet Cassock, a Taffaty Gown furred, with white Gro∣gram, a white beard, Velvet slippers, a Watch, Staff, &c.

ANAMNESTES his Page, in a grave Sattin sute Purple, Buskins, a Garland of Bayes and Rosemary, a gimmall ring, with one link hanging, Ribbands and Threds tied to some of his fingers, in his hand a pair of Table books, &c.

MEMORY. ANAMNESTES. PHANTASTES. SENS. COM.

MEM.

How soon a wise man shall have his wish?

COM. SE.

Memory the season of your coming is very ripe.

PH.

Had you staid a little longer 'twould have been stark rotten.

MEM.

I am glad I sav'd it from the Swine — Spretious I have forgot something: O my purse, my purse, why Anamnestes? Remembrance where art thou, Anamnestes Remembrance, that vild Boy is al∣waies gadding, I remember he was at my heels, even now, and now the vild Rascal is vanisht.

PHA.

Is he not here? why then in my imagination he's left behind, O la Anamnestes remembrance.

AN.

(running in hast)

Anon, anon, sir anon, anon sir, anon, anon sir, anon, anon sir.

MEM.

Ha sirra, what a brawling's here?

AN.

I do but give you an answer with anon Sir.

MEM.

You answer sweetly, I have cal'd you three or four times one after another.

AN.

Sir, I hope I answered you three or four times one in the neck of another. But if your good wor∣ship have lent me any more cals, tell me, and Ile re∣pay them as I am a Gentleman.

MEM.

Leave your tattle, had you come at first I had not spent so much breath in vain.

AN.

The truth is Sir, the first time you called, I heard you not, the second I understood you not, the third I knew not whether it were you or no: the fourth I could not tell where you were, and that's the reason I answered so suddenly.

MEM.

Go sirra, run, seek every where, I have lost my purse somewhere.

AN.

I go Sir: Go sirra, seek, run, I have lost, bring, here's a Dogs life, with a pox, shall I be alwaies used like a water-Spaniel.

Exit Anam.

COM.

Come good Master Register, I wonder you be so late now adaies.

MEM.

My good Lord, I remember that I knew your Grandfather in this your place, and I remember your Grandfathers great Grandfathers, Grandfathers Fathers, Father, yet in those daies I never remember that any of them could say, that Register Memory ever broke one minute of his appointment.

COM. S.

Why good Father, why are you so late now adaies?

MEM.

Thus 'tis, the most customers I remember my self to have, are (as your Lordship knows) Scho∣lars, and now adaies the most of them are become Criticks, bringing me home such paltry things to lay up for them, that I can hardly find them again.

PH.

Jupiter, Jupiter, I had thought these Flies had bit none but my self, Do Criticks tickle you yfaith?

MEM.

Very familiarly: for they must know of me forsooth, how every idle word is written in all the musty moth-eaten Manuscripts, kept in all the old Libraries in every City betwixt England and Peru.

COM. SEN.

Indeed I have noted these times to affect Antiquities more than is requisite.

MEM.

I remember in the age of Assaracus and Ninus, and about the warres of Thebes, and the siege of Troy, there was few things committed to my charge, but those that were well worthy the preserving, but now every trifle must be wrapped up in the volume of Eternity. A rich pudding-wife, or a Cobler cannot die but I must immortalize his Name with an Epitaph: A dog cannot pisse in a Noblemans shoe, but it must be sprinkled into the Chronicles, so that I never could remember my Treasure more full, and never emptier of Honourable, and true Heroicall actions.

PH.

By your leave Memory, you are not alone troubled, Chronologers many of them are so Phan∣tastick, as when they bring a Captain to the Combat, lifting up his revengefull arm to dis-part the head of

his enemy, they'l hold up his arms so long till they have bestowed three or four pages in describing the gold hilts of his threatning Fauchion: So that in my Fancy the Reader may well wonder his adversary stabs him not before he strikes; moreover they are become most palpable flatterers, alwaies begging at my gates for Invention.

COM.

This is a great fault in a Chronologer to turn Parasite: An absolute History should be in fear of none, neither should he write any thing more then truth for friendship, or less for hate, but keep him∣self equal and constant in all his discourses, but for us, we must be contented, for as our Honours in∣crease, so must the burthen of the cares of our Offices urge us to wax heavy.

PH.

But not till our backs break, s'lud there was never any so haunted as I am, this day there comes a Sophister to my house, knocks at my door, his errand being ask'd forsooth his answer was, to bor∣row a fair sute of conceits out of my wardrobe, to apparell, a shew he had in hand, and what think you is the plot?

COM.

Nay I know not, for I am little acquainted with such toies.

PH.

Mean-while he's somewhat acquainted with you, for he's bold to bring your person upon the Stage.

COM.

What me? I cannot remember, that I was ever brought upon the Stage before.

PH.

Yes you and you, and my self, with all my Phantasticall tricks and humors, but I trow I have fitted him with Fooleries, I trust he'l never trouble me again.

COM.

O times! O manners! when Boyes dare to traduce men in authority, was ever such an attempt heard!

MEM.

I remember there was For (to say the truth) at my last being at Athens (It is now, let me see, about 1800 years ago) I was at a Comedy of Aristophanes making, (I shall never forget it) The Arch-governour of Athens took me by the hand and placed me, and there I say, I saw Socrates abused most grosly, himself being then a present spectator: I remember he sate full against me, and did not so much as shew the least countenance of discontent.

COM.

In those daies it was lawfull, but now the abuse of such liberty is unsufferable.

PH.

Think what you will of it, I think 'tis done, and I think it is acting by this time; hark, hark, what drumming's yonder, Ile lay my life they are come to present the shew I spake of.

COM.

It may be so; stay we'l see what 'tis.