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Of Popish Provincial gods; a comparison between them and Heathen gods; of Physi∣cal gods; and of what Occupation every Popish god is.
NOw if I thought I could make an end in any reasonable time, I would begin with our antichristian gods, otherwise called Popish idols, which are as rank Devils as Dii Gentium, Gods of the Gentiles, spoken of in the Psalms: or as Dii Montinum, Gods of the Mountains, set forth and
rehearsed in the first Book of the Kings: or as Dii Terrarum, or Dii Populorum,* 1.1 Gods of the Earth or of People, mentioned in the second of the Chronicles, 32. and in the first of the Chronicles, 16. or as Dii Terrae, Gods of the Earth, in Judges 3. or as Dii filiorum Seir, Gods of the sons of Seir in the second of the Chroni∣cles, 25. or as Dii Alieni, Strange Gods, which are so often mentioned in the Scriptures.
Surely, there were in the Popish Church more of these in number, more in common, more in private, more publike, more for lewd purposes, and more for no purpose, than among all the Heathen, either heretofore, or at this present time: for I dare undertake, that for every Heathen Idol I might produce twen∣ty out of the Popish Church. For there were proper Idols of every Nation:* 1.2 as S. George on Horseback for England, (excepting whom, there is said to be no more Horsemen in Heaven save only S. Martine) S. Andrew for Burgundie and Scot∣land, S. Michael for France, S. James for Spain, S. Patrick for Ireland, S. David for Wales, S. Peter for Rome, and some part of Italy. Had not every City in all the Popes Dominions his several Patron? As Paul for London, Denis for Paris, Ambrose for Millen, Loven for Gaunt, Rombal for Mackline, S. Mark's Lion for Venice, the three Magitian Kings for Cullen, and so of other? Yea, had they not for every small Town, and every Village and Parish (the names whereof I am not at leisure to repeat) a several Idol? As S. Sepulchre, for one; S. Bride,* 1.3 for another; S. Alhallows, All-Saints, and our Lady for all at once: which I thought meeter to rehearse, than a bed-roll of such a number as are in that predicament. Had they not he-Idols and she-idols, some for men, some for women, some for beasts, some for fowls? &c. Do you not think that S. Martin might be opposed to Bacchus? If S. Martin be too weak, we have S. Urbane, S. Clement, and many other to assist him. Was Venus and Meretrix an Advocate for Whores among the Gentiles? Behold, there were in the Romish Church to encounter with them, S. Aphra, S. Aphrodite, and S. Maudline. But insomuch as long as Meg was as very a whore as the best of them, she had wrong that she was not also canoni∣zed, and put in as good credit as they: for she was a Gentlewoman born; whereunto the Pope hath great respect in cannonizing of his Saints. For (as I have said) he cannonizeth the rich for Saints, and burneth the poor for Witches. But I doubt not, Magdalen, and many other godly women are very Saints in Heaven, and should have been so, though the Pope had never cannonized them; but he doth them wrong, to make them the Patronesses of Harlots and strong Strumpets.
Was there such a Traitor among all the Heathen Idols, as S. Thomas Becket?* 1.4 Or such a whore as S. Bridget? I warrant you S. Hugh was as good a Huntsman as Anubis. Was Vulcan the Protector of the Heathen Smiths? Yea forsooth, and S. Euloge was Patron for ours. Our Painters had Luke, our Weavers had Steven, our millers had Arnold, our Traitors had Goodman, our Sowters had Crispine, our Potters had S. Gore with a Devil on his shoulder, and a Pot in his hand. Was there a better Horseleech among the gods of the Gentiles than S. Loy? Or a better Sowgelder than S. Anthony? Or a better Toothdrawer than S. Apolline? I believe that Apollo Parnopeius was no better a Ratcatcher than S. Gertrude, who hath the Popes Patent and commendation therefore. The Thebans had not a bet∣ter Shepherd than S. Wendeline, nor a better Gissard to keep their Geese than Gallus. But for Physick and Surgery, our Idols exceed them all. For S. John, and S. Valentine excelled at the Falling-evil. S. Roch was good at the Plague, S. Pe∣tronill at the Ague. As for S. Margaret, she passed Lucina for a Midwife, and yet was but a Maid; in which respect S. Marpurge is joyned with her in Com∣mission.
For mad men, and such as are possessed with Devils, S. Roman was excellent, and Fryer Ruffine was also prettily skilful in that Art. For Botches and Biles, Cos∣mus and Damian; S. Clare for the Eyes, S. Apolline for Teeth, S. Job for the * 1.5 Pox. And for sore Breasts S. Agatha was as good as Ruminus. Whosoever served Ser∣vatius well, should be sure to lose nothing: if Servatius failed in his office,
S. Vinden could supply the matter with his cunning; for he could cause all things that were lost to be restored again. But here lay a straw for a while, and I will shew you the names of some, which exceed these very far, and might have been cannonized for Arch-Saints; all the other Saints or Idols being in comparison of them but bunglers, and bench-whistlers. And with your leave, when all o∣ther Saints had given over the matter, and the Saints utterly forsaken of their servitors, they repaired to these that I shall name unto you, with the good consent of the Pope, who is the fautor, or rather the Patron of all the Saints, Devils, and Idols living or dead, and of all the gods save one. And whereas none other Saint could cure above one disease, in so much as it was idolatry, fol∣ly I should have said, to go to Job for any other malady than the Pox; nothing cometh amiss to these. For they are good at any thing, and never a whit nice of their cunning: yea greater matters are said to be in one of their powers, than is in all the other Saints.* 1.6 And these are they: S. Mother Bungie, S. Mother Paine, S. Feats, S. Mother Still, S. Mother Dutton, S. Kytrell, S. Ursula Kemp, S. Mother Newman, S. Doctor Heron, S. Rosimund a good old Father, and di∣vers more that deserve to be registred in the Popes Kalender, or rather the Devils Rubrick.
1 King. 20. 2 Chron. 32. 1 Chron. 16. Judg. 3. 2 Chron. 25. 2 King 23, &c.
Popish gods of Nations.
Parish Gods or Popish Idols.
See the Golden Legend for the life of S. Brid∣get.
He-Saints and she-Saints of the old stamp, with their pe∣culiar vertues touching the curing of dis∣eases.
For the French-pox or the common kind of Pox, or both? This would be known.
New Saints.