The history of philosophy, in eight parts by Thomas Stanley.

THE CLOVDS of Aristophanes.

Added (not as a Comicall divertisement for the Reader, who can expect little in that kind from a subject so antient, and particular, but) as a necessary supplement to the life of Socrates.

Act. I.

Scen. I.

Strepsiades, Phidippides, Servant.

Streps.

OH, oh, Great Iove, how long a night is this, how endlesse! Will't neer be day? I heard the Cock again, Yet still my servants snore; 'tis but of late They durst do thus:* 1.1 curse o' this war that awes me, And will not suffer me to beat the Rogues. My good Son sleeps too, wrapt ore head and ears: Well, let me try to bear them company; Alasse, I cannot, so perplext and tortur'd With charges, bills for Horse-meat, interest: All for this hopefull Son, who in's curl'd locks, Aides matches, keeps his Coach, and dreames of Horses, Whilst I (unhappy!) see th' unwelcome Moon Bring on the Quarter day, and threaten use-mony. Boy, snuffe the light, bring my account book hither, That I may summe my debts and interest: Let's see, twelve pound to Pasia; ha! twelve pound To Pasia, how laid out? to buy* 1.2 Coppatia: Would I had paid this eye for him.

Phid.

Hold Philo, You'r out of the way, begin again.

Streps.

I this, This is the misery that ruines me; His very sleeps are taken up with Horses.

Phid.

How many courses will the manage hold.

Streps.

Many a weary course thou leads thy Father: But how much more owe I then this to Pasia?

Three pound t' Amynias for Chariot wheeles.

Phid.

Go sirrah, take that horse and turn him out.

Streps.

I thou hast turned me out of all my means, Charges at Law will eat me up, my Creditours Threaten to sue me to an execution.

Phid.

Why do you wake all night, and tosse so Father?

Streps.

I cannot sleep, the Scrivener doth so bite me.

Phid.

Yet let me rest a little longer.

Streps.

Do so. All these will one day light upon thy head, Curs'd be the houre when I first saw thy Mother, I liv'd before most sweetly in the Country, Well stock't with Sheep and Bees, Olives and Grapes, Till from the Megaclean house I took This Neece of Megacles out of the City, Well fashion'd, highly bred, and richly cloathed; We married, as I said: and lay together: I sinelling strong of Drugs and greasie Wool; But she of Unguents, Crocus wanton Kisses, Of vain expence, dainties, and luxury; I will not tell the idle life she led, And yet she spun that I have often told her, Showing this Coat,* 1.3 you spin a fair thread woman.

Serv.

Sir, all the Oyle ith' Lamp is wasted.

Streps.

Ha? Why didst thou put in such a Drunken week? If thou wert neer me I would beat thee.

Ser.

Why Sir?

Streps.

Because the week is thicker then the oyl. Well, at last my good Wife and I betwixt us got At last this Son; about his name we differ'd; Shee'd have it something that belong'd to horses, Callippides, Xanthippus, or Charippus; I from his Grandfather) Phidontdes. Long time we wrangled thus, at last agreed He should be called Phidippides; this Son She takes, and stroaking kindly, thus instructs him, "When thou art grown a man, frequent the City, "Follow the fashion, keep a Coach and Horses, "Like Megacles thy Uncle. No, said I, "Go in a homely Coat, and drive thy Goats "Into* 1.4 Phelleus, as they father doth. But my advice prevailed so little on him, That now he wasts my means in keeping horses, Which all this night I have been thinking how To remedy, and now have found the way; To which could I perswade him, I were happy.

Phidippides, Phidippides,

Phid.

Your will Sir.

Streps.

Kisse me, give me thy hand.

Phid.

Here Sir.

Streps.

Dost love me?

Phid.

By Neptune God of Horses.

Streps.

Do not name That God, for 'tis from him springs all my sorrow: But if thou lov'st me truly, heartily, O son be rul'd.

Phid.

In what should I be rul'd?

Streps.

Change without more delay thy course of life, And do••as I would have thee.

Phid.

What is that?

Streps.

But wilt thou do it?

Phid.

Yes by Bacchus will I.

Streps.

Come hither then, seest thou that little dore? That is the* 1.5 Ph••ontistherium of wise soules, Of learned men, that tell us Heaven's an Oven, And we the Coles inclosed in the wide arch: They, if we give 'em but a little mony, Will teach us gain all causes, right or wrong.

Phid.

Who can these be?

Streps.

Their names I know not; good They are, and busied in continuall study.

Phid.

Oh now I know the wretches that you mean, The meager, wan, proud, bare-foot, begging fellowes, Whose evill Geniuss's are Socrates And Chaerephon.

Streps.

Peace, talk no more so idly; If you'l obey a father, let me see you Give ore your horses, and turn one of these.

Phid.

Not I, by Bacchus, no though you should tempt me With all* 1.6 Leogoras his breed of Racers.

Streps.

Dear son be rul'd and learn.

Phid.

What should I learn?

Streps.

'Tis said they have two tongues, and one of them Able to prove any injustice reason; Couldst thou but learn that language, we were made, And might dispute our stubborn Creditours Out of the debts I have incurr'd for thee; They get not then a penny more then words.

Phid.

I cannot do't, were I so lean and Pale, I durst not look a Jocky in the face.

Streps.

By Ceres then you stay with me no longer, You, nor your Coach-horse, nor your Samphoras,

But all together pack out of my dores. My Uncle Megacles will neither see Me nor my horses want, so long I care not.

Scene 2.

Strepsiades, Scholar.

Streps.

THough I have fail'd, i'l not give over thus, But say my prayers, and go my self to school To learn this Art: but how can I, by Age Dull and forget full, reach such subtleties? Yet on I will, why should I doubt? ho, friend.

Sc••ol.

A mischief on you, who's that knocks at dore?

Streps.

Strepsiades, Cecinnian Phaedo's Son.

Schol.

'T was rudely done to knock so hard, y'have made My labouring brain miscarry of a Notion.

Streps.

Forgive me, I was bred far off ith' Country: But pray what notion was't that prov'd abortive?

Schol.

'Tis lawfull to discover that tonone But fellow-scholars.

Streps.

Then you may tell me, For I come hither to be one of you.

Schol.

I will; so will value't as a mysterie. Socrates t'other day ask'd Chaerephons eyebrow, And leap'd from thence upon the head of Socrates.

Streps.

How could he measure this?

Schol.

Most dexterously. Both feet oth' flea he dipt in melting wax, Which strait congeals to shooes; these he plucks off, And with them most exactly measures it.

Streps.

Great Iupiter, how subtle are these wits!

Schol.

If you shouldst hear their other speculations, You would say so indeed.

Streps.

Pray what was that?

Schol.

This Charaephon the Sphettian ask'd him once, If a Gnat sounded from her mouth or tail.

Streps.

And what said he? It had a strait thin gut, At end of it a bladder, into which The air being forc'd, sounded in breaking forth.

Streps.

Then I perceive that a gnat's tail's a Trumpet; How blest is this Anatomist of Gnats! Sure he can hide himself from purblind justice, That knows so well these dark intestine waies.

Why should we cry up Thales any longer? Come open me your Phrontisterium, And quickly let me see this Socrates, I long to learn, open the dore—* 1.7 O Hercules What strange beasts have we here!

Schol.

Why do you wonder? Whom do they look like think you?

Streps.

Like the poor Lacedaemonian Captives tane at* 1.8 Pylus. Why look they so intently on the ground? These seek out things that appertain to Earth! Oh they seek leeks; trouble your selves no more friends, For I know better where are good and great ones.

Schol.

Come let's go in.

Streps.

Let's stay a while and talk with 'em.

Schol.

No, no, they cannot long endure the air.

Streps.

What's this, for Heavens sake say?

Schol.

This is Astronomy.

Streps.

And this?

Schol.

Geometry.

Strop.

But what is't good for?

Schol.

To measure land.

Streps.

What, arable or pasture?

Schol.

No, the whole Earth.

Streps.

A pretty jest indeed. That were a mighty help to husbandmen.

Schol.

Here's all the world, and this is Athens.

Streps.

How? I'l scarce believe that, what's become oth' Judges? Where the Cicynians my Countymen?

Schol.

Here; this Eubaea; see how far 'tis stretch'd.

Streps.

I, almost stretch'd in pieces betwixt us, And Pericles; and where is Lacedaemon?

Schol.

Here.

Strepss.

'Tis too nigh us, why, with all your skill Do you not help to thrust it farther off.

Schol.

It is not possible.

Streps.

No? you will rue't then. But what man's that hangs yonder in the basket?

Schol.

That's he.

Streps.

He, what he?

Schol.

Socrates.

Streps.

How, Socrates? Call him.

Schol.

Call him your self, I'm not at leasure.

Scene. 3.

Strepsiades, Socrates.

Streps.

HO Socrates

Socr.

* 1.9 Why dost thou call me mortall?

Streps.

First I would gladly know what thou dost there?

Socr.

I walk ith' aire, and gaze upon the Sun.

Streps.

Why in a basket dost thou view the Gods, Not from the ground?

Socr.

I could not elevate My thoughts to contemplation of these mysteries, Unlesse my Intellect were thus suspended, Where my thin thoughts melt into air (their likeness) Stood I upon the ground, I should find nothing, Though I sought nere so strictly up and down, For the magnetick vertue of the Earth Would draw away the humour of my brain, Just as we see in nose-smart.

Streps.

How, hows that? Doth the brain draw the humour out of nose-smart? Come down sweet Socrates, and teach me quickly The knowledge of those things for which I came.

Socr.

What camest thou for?

Streps.

To learn the art of speaking, With debts and usury I'm torn in pieces Tost up and down; forc'd to pawn all my goods:

Socr.

On what occasion did you run in debt?

Streps.

By horses eaten into this consumption; And I would learn of you your other language Which teacheth men to pay nothing: for which By all the Gods i'l give you what you'l ask.

Socr.

By all what Gods? we do not here allow Those Gods the City worships.

Streps.

How then swear you, By copper farthings like the Byzantines?

Socr.

Wouldst thou be skilfull in divine affairs.

Streps.

By Iovr (if any such there be) I would.

Socr.

You must be then acquainted with the Clouds, Our reverend Goddesses.

Streps.

With all my heart.

Socr.

Sit down upon this Couch then

Streps.

Well.

Socr.

Now take This Garland.

Streps.

Why a garland? alasse Socrates,

D'ee mean (like Athamas) to sacrifice me?

Socr.

No, these are rites that every one performes At his admission.

Streps.

But what shall I gain by't?

Socr.

Thou shallt be made most voluble in speech, A very rattle, bolting words as fine As flower.

Streps.

Th'art right by Iove, I shall be powderd.

Socr.

silenced old man, and listen to our prayer. "Great King, unbounded air, whose armes are hurld "About the surface of this pendant world, "Bright Aether, reverend Clouds, that from your Sphear "Thunder and lightning dart, rise and appear.

Streps.

Not yet, not yet, till I have wrapt my selfe Close in my Cloak, lest I be wet: twas ill That I forgat to bring my Riding hood.

Socr.

"Your power, great Clouds, make to this suppliant known "Whether now seated on Olympus Throne, "Or whether you your sacred revells keep "In the wide Gardens of your Sire the deep: "Or of his flowing Christall seaven-mouth'd Nile, "In golden Ewers wantonly beguile: "Or in Mauritian marshes keep your Court; "Or on the snowy top of Mimas sport. "Come, to our servant vowes propitious be; "Grace with your presence our solemnitie. "We humid fleeting Deities, "The bright unbounded clouds thus rise "From our old Sire, the grumbling Flood,* 1.10 "Above the tallest hill or wood, "To those high watch-towers, whence we may "The hallowed fruitfull-ground survey; "Rivers that in soft murmurs glide, "And the lowd sea's rebellious tide; "From thence heavens restlesse eye displaies "The splendour of his glorious raies, "Chasing all dusky mists, that we "In shapes divine may mortalls see.

Socr.

Thanks reverend Clouds for favouring thus our prayer. Did you not hear 'm speak in Thunder to us?

Streps.

Great Clouds, I worship too, but am so frighted, I scarce can hold from answering your Thunder.

Socr.

Jest not profanely in such sacred rites: Peace, for the swarm of Goddesses come singing.

Chor.

"Come virgin Mistresses of showers, "Let's visit Pallas pregnant bowers,

"The far renowned Cecropian plain "Where shines the* 1.11 Eleusinian Fane, "Where are the most retir'd aboads, "Statues and Temples of the Gods: "Where Altars blaze with Incense, where "The holy-day lasts all the year; "Where the brisk Craces every spring, "And youths with virgins dance and sing.

Str••pe.

Tell me good Socrates, what things are these That speak so sinely? are they Ladies?

Socr.

No, They're Clouds, the Deities of idle men; From these we have our sense, discourse, and reason, Our high Capriccio's, and elaborate whimseys.

Streps.

My soul, me thought, did leap, while they were spea∣king, And now most subtly would dispute of smoak, Sharply confute opinion with opinion: Oh how I long to see them once again.

Socr.

Look yonder towards Parnes, look how gently They glide to earth.

Stre••s.

Where? show me.

Socr.

See in sholes They creep into the Caverns of the Mountain.

Streps.

What things are these? I cannot yet behold'em.

Socr.

There in the entrance look.

Streps.

Yet I scarce see them.

Socr.

Either thou seest them now, or thou art blind.

Streps.

I do by Iove, great Clouds, for you hold all••

Socr.

Didst thou not know these Deities before?

Streps.

Not I, I thought them only mists and vapours:

Socr.

Thou knewest not then those who maintain the Sophists.

Streps.

If these be Clouds, how comes it that they look Like women? for the Clouds have no such shape.

Srce.

No, what shape have they then?

Streps.

I know not justly; They look like flying fleeces, but by Iove, Nothing at all like women; these have noses.

Socr.

* 1.12 Answer to what I ask.

Streps.

Ask me quickly.

Socr.

Didst ere behold a Cloud shap'd like a Centaure, A Leopard, Bull, or Wolfe?

Streps.

I have, what then?

Socr.

The Clouds can take what form they list, as when They see a hairy fellow curl'd like Clitus, They mock his madnesse in a Centaures shape.

Streps.

And when they see one that defrauds or plunders The Common-wealth, like Sinon, what then do they?

Socr.

They do resemble him, turn ravenous wolves, This was the reason yesterday, when they Beheld* 1.13 Cleonymus, they fled like deer: And seeing* 1.14 Clisth••nes are now turn'd women.

Streps.

Great Queens, if you ere design to speak to mortalls, Make me acquainted with your rumbling voice.

Chor.

"All hail old man, who dost on wisdome prey, "And thou the Priest of subtle trifles say, "What wouldst thou have with us, to none but thee, "Of all the Meteor Sophists thus stoop we; "Save ••rodicus, to him as grave and wise, "To thee, because thou walkst upright, thy eye•• "Rowling on every side, thy look severe "And barefoot many miseries dost bear.

Streps.

Good heavens, what voice is this, how strange & stately.

Socr.

These are our Goddesses▪ the rest are toyes.

Streps,

Is then Olympian Iove no Deity?

Socr.

What Iove? there's no such thing; meer fancy.

Streps.

How? Whence then proceeds all* 1.15 rain?

Socr.

Only from these. Didst thou ere see a shower without them? take The Clouds away, and heaven must rain fair weather.

Streps.

By Phoebus thou hast cleer'd it well, till now I thought Iove made water through a ••ive. But whence comes thunder? when I'me sick, that frights me, These thunder as they tumble up and down. How can that be?

Socr.

* 1.16 When they are full of water, By their won weight, driven upon one another, They roar and break.

Streps.

But who is it that drives them, Is not that Iove?

Socr.

No, an aetheriall whirlewind.

Streps.

A whirle-wind, hum! I knew not that til now. But whence comes lightning then, that glittering fire Which terrifies and burns us? Iupiter Useth to dart this down on perjur'd men.

Socr.

And how (thou phlegmatick, dull Saturnine,) If darted on the perjur'd, how comes Sinon, Theorus, and Cleonymus to scapeit? No, his own Temple, or the Sunian Promontory, Or sturdy Oakes he strikes, did they ere wrong him? Did the Oak ere forswear it selfe?

Streps.

I know not: That which you say seems reason; but what then Is lightning?

Socr.

When the winds are shut up close, They swell the clouds like bladders, and at last Break out with violence and horrid noises; And by contrition kindle one another. But thou who searchest amongst us for wisdom, How happy wilt thou be above all Graecians If thou conceive well, and remember, and Canst suffer much, and never wilt be tir'd Standing or walking, nor have sense of frost, Nor care for dyning, and refrain from wine, From exercises, and all other toyes.

Streps.

O for a solid soul restlesse with cares, Sparing, self-torturing, one that can feast Upon a dish of herbes, you never could Be better ••itted; a meer an vile I.

Socr.

Dost thou believe no Gods but those we teach, The Chaos, Clouds and Tongue, onely these three.

Streps.

I'l not so much as speak of any other, Much lesse bestow an offering on their Altars.

Chor.

"Say boldy then, say what is thy request, "For if thou honour us thou shalt be blest.

Streps.

Great Queens I sue for a small matter, that I may out-talk all Greeks a hundred furlongs.

Chor.

To thee alone this gift we will allow, None speak such mighty sentences as Thou.

Streps.

I do not care for mighty sentences, But subtle ones to cheat my Creditours.

Chor.

It is not much thou askst, and shalt obtain it,

Learn of our Ministers and thou shalt gain it.

Streps.

I shall, relying on your promise; forc'd By want, Co••patia and a lucklesse match. Now let'em use me as they list, beat, starve me, Burn, freeze, or flea me, so I scape my debts: I care not though men call me impudent, Smooth-tongu'd, audacious, petulant▪ abhominable, Forger of words and lie, contentious Barretour, Old, winding, bragging, testy, crafty fox.

Socr.

Said like a man of courage; if thou learn Of me, thy fame shall spread wide as the Heavens▪

Streps.

What shall I do?

Socr.

Thou shalt spend all thy time With me; a life the happiest in the world.

Streps.

I long to see that day.

Socr.

Thy dore shall alwaies Be throng'd with Clients that will come to thee For Counsell, and discourse of cases worth The wealth of kingdoms, to thy h••arts desire.

Chor.

"Try this old man; first see if he be sit; "Put him toth' test, and sound the depth of's wit.

Socr.

Come tell me now your disposition, That when I know it I may sit my Machines Accordingly.

Streps.

You will not undermine me.

Socr.

No, I would know if you have any memory.

Streps.

Yes, when another owes me any thing, I can remember very well, but what I owe my self, i'm ready to forget.

Socr.

Hast thou a naturall faculty in speaking

Streps.

No, I can mar words sooner far then make'em.

Socr.

How wilt thou learn then?

Streps.

Fear me not, I tell you Wel, when I make some learned deep discourse.

Socr.

* 1.17 You must be sure to catch't up presently.

Streps.

What must I snap at learning like a dog?

Socr.

This is a very fool, an unknown Clown; I am afraid old man thou wilt need whipping. What if thou shouldst be beaten?

Streps.

Then i'm beaten.

Socr.

But what wouldst do?

Streps.

I would take witnesse on't And sue them on an action of Battery.

Socr.

Off with your Cloak.

Streps.

Why, how have I offended?

Socr.

No; but our orders admit none but naked.

Streps.

I came not hither to steal any thing.

Socr.

Down with your Cloak, why dost thou trifle.

Streps.

Now Tell me if I prove apt and diligent, Of all your schollars who shall I come nighest?

Socr.

Thou maist perhaps be like our Chaerephon.

Streps.

Alasse, alasse! what an Anatomy?

Socr.

No, no: but if thou wilt be any thing, Follow me without more delay.

Streps.

I want A Cake for your Cerberus; I go me thinks As if 'twere into the Trophonian Cave.

Socr.

On, on, why stayst thou gazing at the dore.

Chor.

"Go, for thy courage blest whose aged mind "To wisdom soars, and leaves the young behind.

Act. 2.

Socrates, Strepsiades.

Socr.

BY Chaos, and this air I breath, I never Met any thing so stupid as this fellow, So clownish and oblivious; easie toyes He learns, not half so fast as he forgets'em, I'l call him forth; what, ho, Strepsiades; Come out and bring your bed along with you.

Str.

The fleas will hardly let me bring my self.

So.

Quick, down with't there; and mark what I say to you.

Str.

I'm ready.

So.

What have you most mind to learn, Measures, or Verse, or Rhyme?

Str.

By all means measures; For I was cheated by a Meal-man lately Two pecks.

So.

That's not the thing I demand; I'de know••which you conceive the fairest measure. The Trimeter or the Tetrameter.

Str.

The fairest measure in my mind's a Bushell.

So.

'Tis nothing that you say.

Str.

What will you lay That your Tetrameter holds not a Bushell.

So.

Away, away, how dull thou art, and blockish, But thou wilt be perhaps more apt at Rime.

Str.

What help can rimes afford me in my meal.

So.

First they wil make thee pleasant in all company. Then thou shalt know which suits with Anapaestick, And which with Dactyles.

Str.

Dactiles? I know that sure.

So.

Why what's a Dactyle.

Str.

What but this same ••inger, ••Thas been a Dactyle ere since I was a child.

So.

Th'art an unprofitable Dunce.

Str.

I care not For learning these devices.

So.

What then wouldst thou?

Str.

That, that unjust and cheating Sophistry.

So.

But there are things that must be learnt before You come to that; what Creatures are there Masculine.

Str.

Sure I know that or I were mad indeed. A Ram, a Bull, a Goat, a Dog, a Pigeon.

So.

* 1.18 See how thou err'st, that call'st both male and female A Pigeon.

Str.

Right, by Neptune, how then must I?

So.

Call this a Cock-Pigeon, and that a Hen.

Str.

A Pigeon, Cock and Hen, ha! by this air, For this sole document, I will replenish Your* 1.19 Cardopus with meal.

So.

Again th'art wrong; Thou call'st it Cardopus, but 'tis haec Cardopus, And therefore henceforth call it Cardopa. Next it is fit you know which names are Masculine, And which are feminine.

Str.

I know well which Are feminine, I'me sure.

So.

Lets hear.

Str.

Philina, Cletagora, Demetria, and Lystha.

So.

And which are Masculine?

Str.

A world, Philoxenus, Milesias, and Amynias.

So.

Thou art out.

Str.

Are not these Masculine with you?

So.

* 1.20 By no means. How if you saw Amynias, would you call him?

Str.

Amynia, ho!

So.

What, make a woman of him.

Str.

And reason good, h'has thrown away his armes, And will not ••ight, But to what purpose learn I These common trifles.

So.

Not so common neither, But come, lie down.

Str.

What must I do?

So.

Consider With your selfe the businesse that concernes you.

Str.

Not in this bed, I thank you, if I must Lie down, Ile meditate upon the ground.

So.

But heres no room besides.

Str.

Wretch that I am. How I shall be tormented with these ••leas!

So.

Now think into the depth of thy affairs, Try every turn and winding, every double; And if you stick at any thing: give't ore, And to some other; but be sure you sleep not,

Str.

Oh, oh.

So.

How now the matter?

Str.

I am kill'd By these blood-suckers, these Corinthians.

So.

Do not torment your selfe.

Str.

How can I choose When I have neither mony left, nor colour, Scarce life, no shooes, grown almost to a Ghost With watching?

So.

Now what think y'on, nothing?

Str.

Yes By Neptune.

So.

What?

Str.

I'me thinking if the fleas Will leave a piece of me or not.

So.

Death on thee.

Str.

You might have spar'd your curse, I'm dead already.

So.

Fy, fy, you must not be so tender,* 1.21 cover Your face, and study for some subtle cheat.

Str.

Would I could learn to cheat these wicked fleas.

So.

Let's see what does he? what, asleep, ha'ye thought Of nothing yet?

Str.

What would you have me think on?

So.

What would you learn?

Str.

I've told you that already A thousand times; I'd learn to pay no use-mony.

So.

Come then, cover your self, and subtilize Your thoughts, dissect your businesse into Atomes.

Str.

Alasse.

So.

Ly still; and if you stick at any thing, Passe by't a while, and come to it again.

Str.

Ho, my dear Socrates.

So.

What is't old man?

Str.

I have found out that will do't.

So.

As how.

Str.

First tell me Where I may meet with some Thessalian witch; For I would steal the Moon one of these nights, And having got her, lock her in a chest As charily, as I would keep a glasse.

So.

What wilt thou get by that?

Str.

What, if the Moon Ne'r rise again, I'me bound to pay no use.

So.

How so?

Str.

'Cause use you know is paid by th'Month,

So.

'Tis well, but I'le propound another businesse; Suppose that you were tyed upon a statute To pay five Talents, could you rase figures?

Str.

I know not, but I'le try.

So.

You must not limit Your thoughts so narrowly within your selfe,

But like a beetle fetter'd in a thread, Allow them play and flutter in the air;

Str.

I ha't, I ha't, the rarest way to cancell A deed, as you'l confesse when you have heard it.

So.

What iis't?

Str.

Did you nere see at any Grocers A clear transparant stone, with which they use To kindle fire?

So.

You mean a burning-glasse.

Stro.

The very same.

So.

What wouldst thou do with it?

Str.

Whilst that the Scrivener writes the deed, d'ee mark, Thus standing by him with my burning glasse Against the Sun, I'l burn out every letter.

So.

Wisely by all the Graces.

Str.

How I long To cancell thus a bond of fifty pound.

So.

'Tis well, now tell me if thy adversary Sue thee, and thou art like to be orethrown For want of witnesses, how wilt thou 'void His suit.

Str.

Most easily.

So.

Which way?

Str.

Before It comes to judgement, I would hang my self.

So.

Push, thou sayst nothing.

Str.

Yes, by love there's none Will prosecute a suit against the dead.

So.

Away, thou fool'st; i'l teach no more.

Str.

Why dear Socrates, Why?

So.

Thou forget'st as fast as thou canst learn. Tell me the first thing thou wert taught to day:

Str.

The first, stay let me see; the first thing say you? How call you that we use to put our meal in? Wretch, Iv'e forget it!

So.

See, deserv'st thou not Forget full to be punish'd for a dunce.

Str.

Alasse what shall I do? for if I learn not The cheating language, I am quite undone: Good Clouds advise me what course I shall take.

Cho.

"If an ingenious son thou hast at home, "Thou hadst best send him hither in thy room.

Str.

I have a son, and he's ingenious too; But will not learn, the more my misery.

Cho.

And wilt thou suffer't?

Str.

Of a promising person

His mother is a woman of great spirit; Once more Ile try; if he refuse, i'I make No more adoe but turn him out of dores; Stay but a while, I will be quickly back.

Act. 3.

Strepsi••des, Phidippides, Socrates.

Str.

NOw by the Clouds thou staist no longer here? Hence, and go feed in Megacles his stable.

Ph.

Alasse what fury hath possest you Father? By Iove I think you are besides your self.

Str.

See, see, he swears by Iove, art thou not mad At these years to believe there is a Iove?

Ph.

Is truth to be derided?

Str.

Well I see Th'art still a Child and credit'st old wives tales. But come I will tell thee that shall make thee A man, so you be sure to tell it no body.

Ph.

Pretty; what is't?

Str.

Thou swor'st e'en now by Iove.

Ph.

I did so.

Str.

See how good it is to learn; There's no such thing as Iove.

Ph.

What then?

Str.

A whirlwind Hath blown Iove quite away and rules all Heaven.

Ph.

What fooleries are these?

Str.

They're serious truth son.

Ph.

Who tells you so?

Str.

Our Socrates the* 1.22 Melian, And Chaerephon, that trace the steps of fleas.

Ph.

How, are you grown to such a height of madness, As to believe such melancholy dreamers.

Str.

Good words: defame not men of such deep wisdom And subtle spirits; these live sparingly, Are never at the charges of of a Barber, Unguents, or Baths, whereas thou wasts my means As freely as if I were dead already. Come then, and be their scholler in my room.

Ph.

What can be learnt that's good of such as they are?

Str.

All things that are accompted wisdom Boy; And first to know thy self, and what a dunce Thou art, how blockish, rustick and forgetfull. But stay a little, cover thy face a while.

Ph.

Alasse my fathers mad, what shall I do, Accuse him to the Court of folly, Be speak a Coffin for him, for he talks Idly, as he were drawing on?

Str.

Come on now. Let's see, what that?

Ph.

A Pigeon.

Str.

Good; and that?

Ph.

A Pigeon.

Str.

Both the same? ridiculous. Take heed you make not such mistakes hereafter. This you must call a Cock, and that a Hen.

Ph.

A Hen? Is this the goodly learning Father You got since your admission 'mongst these earth-wormes?

Str.

This and a great deal more; but being old, I soon forget what I am taught.

Ph.

I think 'Twas want of memory made you lose your cloak.

Str.

No, 'tis hung up upon the arts and sciences;

Ph.

And where your shooes?

Str.

Lost for the common good, Like Pericles: But lets be gone and see You learn t'obey me, and to wrong all else. Remember that I bought thee, when thou wert But six yeers old, a little Cart to play with.

Ph.

Alasse you'l be the first that will repent this.

Str.

Take you no care for that; do as I bid you. Ho, Socrates, I've brought my son at last, Though much against his will.

So.

I, that's because He's rude, untaught, a child of ignorance, And unacquainted with our hungry baskets.

Ph.

Go hang your self in one of them.

Str.

How impudence; dost thou talk thus to thy Master?

Socr.

So go hang, with what a seeming grace was that pro∣nounc'd! How do you think that he should ever learn To overthrow a nimble adversary, Or win a Judges heart with Rhetorick?

Str.

Fear not, but teach him; he's ingenious By Nature; for when he was but a little one, Hee'd build you houses, and make leather Coaches, And ships, and cut frogs out of apple parings. What's your opinion then? do you not think Hee's capable to learn both languages? Or if not both, be sure he learn the worse.

Socr.

Well, we shall try what may be done with him,

Str.

Farewell, and so remember that in all I say that's just, you learn to contradict me.

Act. 3.

Scoen. 1.

Strepsiades.

Streps.

THe* 1.23 fift, the fourth, the third, the seconds, hum. The most abhord and dreadfull day's at hand, The old and new; all I ow money to Threaten to sue and vow my utter ruine; Yet I require nothing but what is just reason: My friend forbear me till some other times; But they all answer me, words are no payment, Revile me, swear they'l put their bonds in suit, And let'em, what care I, so my Phidippides Have learnt the art of cheating: I shall know straight; It is but knocking at the school, ho son.

Scoen. 2.

Strepsiades, Socrates.

Socr.

SAve you Strepsiades.

Streps.

The like to you. * 1.24 First take this bag of meal, for it is fit We pay our duty to our reverend Master, Now tell me, has my son attain'd the art For which I plac'd him with you.

Socr.

Yes exactly.

Streps.

Thanks to deceit, the Queen that governs all things.

Socr.

Now you may overthrow all adversaries.

Streps.

What though a witnesse swear that I have borrowed.

Socr.

I though a thousand swear't.

Streps.

Iò. Iò. Triumph my boyes, wo to you money-mongers, You and your bonds, your use on use may hang now, You'l trouble me no more! O what a son Have I, that senceth with a two-edg'd tongue, My Houses prop and Guardian, my foes terrour, Quickly come forth, and meet my glad embraces, Come forth and hear thy Father.

Socr.

See the man.

Streps.

O my dear boy!

Socr.

Away and take him with you.

Scoene. 3.

Strepsiades, Phidippides.

Streps.

IO my son! O how I joy to see Thy chang'd complexion! Thou lookst now me thinks As if thou wert inspir'd with contradiction I read,•• erosse questions in thy very face, Thy very eyes me thinks say, how, how's that? Thou canst perswade the world that thou art wrong'd, When thou art, he that does the wrong. I see't, I plainly see't; a very* 1.25 Attick mine; Now let it be thy study to recover Him, whom thou almost hast undone,

Phid.

Why, what Is that you fear?

Streps.

The old and the new day.

Phid.

Can one and the same day be old and new?

Streps.

I know that: I'm sure my Creditors By joint consent that day threaten to sue me.

Phi••.

They'l loose by it if they do: for 'tis impossible To make two daies of one.

Streps.

How is't impossible?

Phil.

As for a woman to be old and young At once.

Streps.

But law has so determined it

Phil.

But these men know not what the law doth mean.

Streps.

Why what's the meaning of it. * 1.26

Phil.

Antient Solon Was naturally a lover of the people.

Streps.

What's that to this?

Phid.

He did appoint two daies, The last day of the old month for citation, The first oth' new for payment of the money.

Streps.

But why the last day for citations?

Phil.

That The debtor having thus one day of warning Might fly and shun the trouble of the next.

So.

Why do the Magistrates then take all forfeits Upon the old and new day?

Ph.

They are hungry, And tast their meat before they should fall too.

Str.

We the fools that sit still and do nothing, We that are wise and quick have done the businesse; Ye blocks, ye stones, ye sheep, ye empty bubbles; Let me congratulate this son of min

My selfe and my good fortune in a song. Now Strepsiades th'art blest Of the most discreet the best, What a Son thou hast, now may All my aemulous neighbours say, When they hear that he alone Hath my creditours orethrown. But come my boy, now thou shalt feast with me,

Sect. 4.

Pasias, Strepsiades, Witnesse.

Pas.

ANd must a man be outed of his own thus? Better take any course then suffer this. You must assist me in this businesse neighbour, That I may call my debtor to accompt; There's one friend made a foe; yet I'le not shame My country, ere I do't, I'le give him warning.

Strepsiades.

Streps.

How now, what would you have?

Pas.

The old and new daies come.

Streps.

Bear witnesse friend, He nam'd two daies. What summe is't you demand.

Pas.

Twelve pounds you borrow'd when you bought your Son A Race-horse; with the interest.

Streps.

A race-horse, You know I neer car'd for'em in my life.

Pas.

And swor'st by Iove and all the Gods to pay it.

Streps.

By Iove? 'twas then before my son had learn't The all-convincing speech.

Pas.

You'l not deny't.

Streps.

What have I got but that, for all this learning?

Pas.

Darst thou deny't, if I should put thee to Thy oath, and make thee call the Gods to witness it?

Streps.

What Gods de'e mean?

Pas.

Iove, Mercury, and Neptune.

Streps.

By Iove? yes that I will I hold thee three pence.

Pas.

Curse on thee for this impudence.

Streps.

If thou wert rubb'd with salt, 'twould make thy wit the quicker.

Pas.

De'laugh at me?

Streps.

Thou wilt take up six bushells.

Pas.

So help me Iupiter, and all the Gods, I will even be with you for this scorn.

Streps.

I am extreamly taken with your Gods, And this same Iupiter•• you swear by, they Are excellent pastime to a knowing man.

Pas.

Well, you will one day answer for these words. But tell me, whether I shall have my money Or not, give my answer, and I'me gone.

Streps.

Stay but a little, I will answer presently, And plainly.

Pas.

Sure hee's gone to fetch the mony

Streps.

Where is the Man that comes to ask me mony? Tell me, what's this?

Pas.

That which it is, a Cardopus.

Streps.

You ask for mony, and so very a dunce; I'le never whilst I live pay him a penny. That calls a Cardopa a Cardopus.

Pas.

You will not pay then?

Streps.

Not for ought I know: You'l stay no longer, pray about your businesse.

Pas.

Yes, I'le be gone, but in the mean time know I'le have my mony, if I live this day.

Streps.

You may chance go without it; yet I'm sorry You should be punish'd so for a mistake. For saying Cardopus for Cardopa.

Scoen. 8.

Amynias, Strepsiades, Witnesse.

Amyn.

OH, oh, alasse.

Streps.

Who's that keeps such a bawling? What art thou? one of* 1.27 Carkinus his sons?

Amyn.

'Tis I unhappy!

Streps.

Keep it to thy selfe.

Amyn.

Unlucky chance, oh cruell destiny, To spoil at once my Cart and all my Horses•• * 1.28 Oh Pallas, how unkindly hast thou us'd me?

Streps.

What hurt did ere Tlepolemus do thee?

Amyn.

Deride me not, but rather bid your son Pay me the mony which he had of me, For I was never in more need of it.

Streps.

What mony man?

Amyn.

That which he borrowed of me.

Streps.

Then I perceive you're in a sad condition.

Am.

I had a scurvy fall driving my horses.

Streps.

Thou dost but jest, 'twas driving an Asse rather.

Amyn.

I do not jest when I demand my mony.

Streps.

Upon my word thou art not right.

Amyn.

How so?

Streps.

Thy brain me thinks is troubled.

Amyn.

E••ther pay me

My money strait, or I will trouble you.

Streps.

Tell me, doth Iove beget and send down rain. Or doth the Sun exhale it from the sea?

Amyn.

I neither know nor care.

Streps.

What? are you sit To receive mony, and so ignorant Of these sublime and subtle mysteries?

Amyn.

Well, if you cannot let me have the principal, Pay me the interest.

Streps.

Interest, what kind Of creature's that?

Amyn.

What, but th'encrease of mony By months, and daies, as time runs on.

Streps.

'Tis well. And do you think the sea is fuller now Then 'twas at first?

Amyn.

No, not a drop, it is Not fit it should.

Streps.

The sea by your confession Is nothing grown; then with what conscience Can you desire your mony should encrease. Go get you from my doores, fetch me a whip there.

Witn.

Well, I'le bear witnesse for him.

Streps.

Why de'e not go, will you move* 1.29 Samphoras?

Amyn.

Is not this riotous?

Streps.

Will you be gone? Or shall I lead you in a chain, and make you Shew tricks? if you but stay a little longer, I'le send you, and your Cart and Horses packing.

Chor.

"Now observe what 'tis to bend "Studies to an evill end "This old man, that is intent "Creditours to circumvent, "Foolishly himselfe hath crost, "And will find so to his cost; "That in this false Art his son "Hath attain'd perfection: "Justice cunning to refute) "That at last hee'l wish him mute.

Act. 5.

Scene. 1.

Strepsiades, Phidippides.

Streps.

O Neighbours, Kinsmen, Countrymen, help, help, I'm beat all all over: oh my head, my back•• Thou strik'st thy Father Rogue.

Phid.

I do so father.

Streps.

See, see, he stands in't too.

Phid.

I do indeed.

Streps.

Thief, villain, Patricide.

Phid.

More I beseech you, I am much taken with these pretty Titles.

Streps.

Rascall,

Phid.

Pray stick me fuller of these roses:

Streps.

Dost beat thy Father?

Phid.

Yes, by Iove, and justly.

Streps.

Oh' rogue what justice can there be in that.

Phid.

I will demonstrate it by argument.

Streps.

By argument?

Phid.

Most easily, which language Shall I dispute in.

Streps.

Language?

Phid.

Yes the greater Or lesser?

Streps.

I have bred thee well indeed If thou canst make this good, that any son May beat his Father.

Phid.

You'l confesse as much If I so prove it, that you cannot answer't.

Streps.

Well, I will hear for once what you can say.

Scoen. 2.

Chorus, Streps, Phidip.

Cho.

"OLd man it much concerns you to confute "Your son, whose confidence appears to suit "With a just cause; how happen'd this dispute?

Str.

I shall relate it from the first; as soon As we had din'd, I took a lute and bid him Sing the sheep-shearing of Simonides, He told me 'twas an old and ugly fashio••

To sing at dinner like a millers wife.

Phi.

And was not this sufficient to deserve A beating; when you'd make men chirp like* 1.30

Grasse-hoppers?

Str.

Just so he said within; and added that Simonides was an unpleasant Poet. I must confesse I hardly could forbear him; But then I bid him take a Myrtle, branch, And act some piece of Aeschylus, that Aechylus Saith he, is of all Poets the absurdest, The harshest, most disorderly and bumbast. Did not my heart pant at this language think you? Yet I represt it; Then said I, rehearse A learned speech out of some modern wit; He strait repeats out of Euripides A tedious long Oration, how the Brother (Good Heavens) did violate his sisters bed. Here I confesse I could contain no longer But chid him sharply; to dispute we went, Words upon words till he at last to blowes, To strike, to pull, to tear me.

Phi.

And not justly? You that would discommend Euripides, The wisest of all Poets.

Str.

Wisest? ah What did I say, I shall be beat agen.

Ph.

By Iove, and you deserve't.

Str.

How, deserve it? Ungratefull wretch, have I not brought thee up, Fed and maintain'd thee from a little one, Supplied thy wants? how then can I deserve it?

Chor.

"Now I believe each youthfull breast "With expectation possest, "That if the glory of the day "Be from the Plantiffe born away, "By this example they may all "Upon the old men heavy fall; "What you have done with utmost art, "To justifie is now your part.

Phid.

How sweet it is to study, sage new things; And to contemn all fundamental lawes! When I applied my mind to Horse-coursing I could not speak three words but I was out; Now since I gave it one, I am acquainted With ponderous sentences and subtle reasons, Able to prove I ought to beat my Father.

Str.

Nay, follow racing still, for I had rather Maintain thy horses then be beaten thus.

Phid.

I will begin where you did interrupt me, And first will ask, did you not beat me when I was a child?

Streps.

But that was out of love.

Phid.

'Tis very right, tell me then, ought not I To recompence your love with equall love; If to be beaten be to be belov'd, Why should I suffer stripes, and you have none? I am by nature born as free as you; Nor is it fit the sons should be chastiz'd, and not their parents.

Str.

Why?

Phid.

You urge the Law, That doth allow all children to be beaten: To which I answer, Old men are twice children. And therefore ought, when they offend, be punish'd As well as we,

Str.

But there's no Law that saies The Parents should be punished.

Phid.

Was not he Who made that Law, a man as you and I, He form'd a Law, which all the old men follow'd; Why may not I as well prescribe another, And all the young men follow my advice: But all the blowes before this Law was made Must be forgiven wihtout all dispute. Besides, mark how the Cocks and other creatures Fight with their sires, who differ not at all From us, save only that they make no lawes.

Streps.

Why then if you will imitate the Cocks, Do you not dine upon a Dunghill, and Lodge in a hen-roost?

Phid.

'Tis not all one case, Our Socrates doth not approve so far.

Streps.

Approve not then their sighting, but in this Thou plead'st against thy selfe.

Phid.

How so?

Streps.

Because Th'authority I exercise o're thee Will be thine own, when ere thou hast a son.

Phid.

But if I ne'r have any, then I never Shall have authority, and you will go To th'grave deriding me.

Streps.

'Tis too much reason.

Phid.

Hear now another argument.

Streps.

I'me lost.

Phid.

And then perhaps you'l take the blowes I gave you

Not halfe so ill.

Streps.

What good shall I get by them?

Phid.

I'le bent my mother too.

Streps.

What sayest thou, thou? Why this is worse then t'other.

Phid.

What if I Prove by the second language that I ought?

Streps.

Why then you will have nothing more to do But prove that you, and your wise Socrates, And wiser language may hang all together. O Clouds, all this I suffer through your means, For I in you wholly repos'd my trust.

Chor.

"Thy selfe art author of this misery, "Because to ill thou didst thy mind apply.

Streps.

Why did you then give me no warning of it? You know I was a rude and aged man.

Chor.

"This is our custome, whensoere we find "Any to malice or deceit enclin'd, "Into some dreadful mischief such we thrust, "That they may fear the Gods, and learn what's just.

Streps.

Alasse, this is a mischief, and a just one, For I ought not, when I had borrow'd mony, To seek out wayes t'avoid restoring it. Come then my son, let us be reveng'd Upon that wicked Socrates and Ch••••raephon, Who have abus'd us both.

Phid.

I will not wrong My Masters.

Streps.

Reverence Celestiall Iove.

Phid.

Celestiall Iove, see how you rave now father▪ There's no such thing as Iove.

Streps.

There is.

Phid.

* 1.31 A whirle-wind Hath blown Iove quite away, and rules all.

Streps.

No son, he's not expell'd, I was but fool'd To worhip in his room a fictile deity.

Phid.

Nay if you will needs be mad, be mad alone.

Scoen. 3.

Strepsiades.

Streps.

MAd that I was to trust in Socrates, And cast off all our Gods; good Mercury Be not displeas'd or punish, but forgive me. That took such paines, and studied to talk idly; And tell me what I'de best do with these fellowes.

Sue them or punish'em some other way— Th'art in the right, I will not sue them then, But as thou bidst me set their Nest on fire; Come Xanthias, come, a fork and ladder quickly. Get up and pluck the house about their Ears, Quick if thou lovest thy master; one of you Go light a torch, and bring it hither strait: Proud as they are I mean to bring'em lower,

Scoen. 4.

Scholar, Strepsiades, Socrates, Chaerephon.

Schol.

OH, oh!

Strep.

Torch to thy work, set fire apace.

Schol.

What art thou doing man?

Streps.

That which I'm doing; Disputing somewhat hotly with your school here.

Schol.

Alasse, who's this that sets our house on fire?

Streps.

He whom you cosen'd of his cloak.

Schol.

Thou kill'st, Thou kil'lst us man.

Streps.

That is the thing I mean, If my fork hold and ladder, do not fail me.

So.

How now, what do you make on our house-ridge.

Streps.

* 1.32 I walk i'th air and gaze upon the Sun.

So.

Alasse I'm choak'd.

Streps.

Why dost thou scorn the Gods then?

Chaer.

Oh me I burn;

Streps.

Now you may•• calculate The motions of the Moon; tear, pluck, beat, burn'em. For many reasons they deserve the flame, But most because they did the Gods disclaim.

Notes

• * 1.1

  The Atheni∣ans in time of war with the Lacedaemonians made an Edict, that no man should beat his servants, lest they should go over to the enemy. Schol.
• * 1.2

  Their horses were named from the marks they had; if a K. Ceppatia; if an an S, Sampho∣r••. Schol.
• * 1.3

  〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Sch. MS.
• * 1.4

  A stony craggy place in Attica, in such Goats delight most. Soli. M. S:
• * 1.5

  〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Schol. M. S.
• * 1.6

  〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Schol. M. ••.
• * 1.7

  The School discovered; the Schollars in se∣verall postures: Socrates hang∣ing in a basket.
• * 1.8

  Suid. lib.
• * 1.9

  The words of Silenus (whom Socrates resem∣bled for defor∣mity) in Pin∣dar. Schol.
• * 1.10

  Chorus of clouds.
• * 1.11

  〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉. at Eleusis in Attica were celebrated the my••eries of Ce∣res, to which Athenians only were admitted, not strangers; if any one dis covered them to a person not ini∣tiated, they were both put to death. Schol. M. S▪
• * 1.12

  The Socratick way of dispute by question.
• * 1.13

  Coward.
• * 1.14

  E••••eminately attired.
• * 1.15

  Whereof Iupi∣ter was the par∣ticular Deity; thence sirnamed 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉
• * 1.16

  Deriding So∣crates as igno∣rant in Naturall Philosophy.
• * 1.17

  As the Schol∣lers of Socrates used, especially Xenephon and Plato.
• * 1.18

  Deriding So∣crates a•• igno∣rant in Gram∣mer.
• * 1.19

  A meal-trough the Greek word hath a Mascu∣line termination but feminine article.
• * 1.20

  Esseminate Cowards.
• * 1.21

  So Socrates disputes in ••la∣to's Phadrus, that exteriour objects might not divert him; which Aristo∣phanes here de∣rides.
• * 1.22

  A•• if he should say, the Atheist: for the Melians were infamous for Atheism for Diagoras who profest it: So∣crates was Scholar to A∣ristoras a Melian. See chap. 3.
• * 1.23

  From the twentieth day of the month they reckon'd back∣ward, see the life of Solons Chap.
• * 1.24

  Such guif••s Socrates some∣times accepted, though not mo∣ney. See Chap.
• * 1.25

  〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 Schol. M. S.
• * 1.26

  See the life of Solon. Ch••p.
• * 1.27

  Which were Xenocles, Xe∣notimus, and D••motimus, ••••agick ••oets and Actors.
• * 1.28

  This and the following line are takes from Xenocles the Tragadian, which is the reason of Strep∣siades his an∣swer.
• * 1.29

  The Horses name which he bought of him.
• * 1.30

  At noon Virg∣ecl. 2.
• * 1.31

  Act. 3.
• * 1.32

  Act. 2. 〈◊〉〈◊〉. 3.