Some remarkable passages in the holy life and death of Gervase Disney, Esq. to which are added several letters and poems.

Some PASSAGES of the LIFE of Gervase Disney, from my first Marriage especially: with ma∣ny Particulars before, such as either occur'd to Memory, or by the help of my Diary I was capable of taking.

In which I have endeavoured as Im∣partially to view my dark Side, as Bright; and both for these Reasons: By the former, I discover the miserable Cor∣ruption of my wretched Nature, the Wiles and Subtilties of a busy Devil, who goes about like a roaring Lion, seeking whom he may devour. By the latter, I would discover the wonder∣ful Free Grace of God to me, who was one of the worst and greatest of Sinners, in bringing me from under Satan's Slavery and Dominion.

I The said Gervase Disney, was born* 1.1 the Day of March 1641, at of Religious Parents, viz. John Disney of Swinderby in the County of Lincoln, Esq the Eldest Son (by a

Second Venter) of Sir Henry Disney, of Norton-Disney, Kt. and Barbara his Wife, who was the Eldest Daugh∣ter of Gervase Lee, of Norwell-Hall in the County of Nottingham, Esq They had nine Children lent them by the Lord, viz. Cornelius, Elizabeth, Ger∣vase, Mary, John, Sarah, Samuel, Dor∣cas, Daniel.

Sarah and Samuel died very young: The former of the Purples, and tho* 1.2 very young, yet had a good Savour of Spiritual Things upon her Heart; and in that Sickness a longing de∣sire to be dissolved, and to be with Christ. She was esteemed one of the beautifullest Children that ever was seen, her Hair being Milk white, and Complexion pure white and red; yet it was judg'd her greatest Beauty lay within, the Lord having betimes a∣dorned her Soul with Ornaments of Grace: and from the abundance of her Heart, her Mouth did often speak, to the great Comfort and Refreshment of weeping Friends that stood about her. She called much upon God, as her Fa∣ther. My Father one Day standing by her Bed-side, and hearing her fre∣quently

cry out, O my Father, my Fa∣ther, asked her who she meant, did she mean him? O no, no, said she, it's my Heavenly Father I cry after; you are my Father on Earth, but it's my Father in Heaven I want: You cannot help me, but he can. Many such like Passages I have heard my Father Disney report of her, which shewed her to be more sit for Heaven than Earth.

Samuel also died young of a Lethar∣gy,* 1.3 being removed from Earth to Hea∣ven, when about the Age of 4 Years. He was a Child of most pregnant Parts, and had a strange understanding in the best Things: He was indeed a good Young Samuel, and feared God from a Child. He was my Father's great Favourite and Darling; in his Company, and with his pretty Talk, my Father did much delight; and would therefore usually, at his walking Hours (which he did pretty much for Exercise) he must lead his young Sa∣muel by the Hand, and then could not but admire his pious Talk, his strange Questions in Divinity; which (I have heard my Father say) sometimes he was astonished at: and sometimes his

Questions would be so deep, that lie was almost non-plust to answer. He was extraordinary Inquisitive, and would usually demand a Reason for every Thing under Debate.

He loved Prayer, and would not (tho so very young) be got to Bed without it; his wonderful Ripeness in his Infancy, seemed a Presage and Prognostick, in his Friends Appre∣hensions, that he was not like to be long one of this World; he seemed indeed to be, tho a Bud, yet ripe for nipping. As soon as Sickness seised him, my Father sent down Hill, at Lincoln, to good Old Mr. Reyner, to desire his Prayers for him; and not long after went down himself to make Enquiry after him: Mr. Reyner presently told him, (I believe with Sorrow enough) that as to his Son Samuel, he must re∣sign him to God, and prepare to part with him, for ••he did not believe he was long for this World; and, saith he, I ground my perswasion upon this, when I pray for his Recovery, I find strange Restraints upon my Spirit, and am much dampt & strained; but when I pray that the Lord would fit him for

himself, and crown him with Happiness to Eternity; when I beg for the E∣ternal Welfare of his Soul, I am then much enlarged. Thus the Secrets of the Lord was with that good Man that truly feared him, for the Child died at that Time, th•• I suppose as likely to live, according to Haim•••••••• Conjecture, as any of us, being all 〈…〉〈…〉 of the Small-Pox at that time, but my Brother Cornelius, who had that Distemper young, and my Sister M•…•…y, who (through God's Goodness) esca∣ped the Infection by my Mother's re∣moving her to S••••inder by, when we were dropping down of them one af∣ter another.

My Brother Cornelius died of a Consumption,* 1.4 about the Year 1664, and in about the 28th Year of his Age, at my Uncle, Thomas Disney's at Stoke-Ham∣mond. He went to School at Lincoln, where his quick and ripe Natural Parts were soon observed; at School he was so extraordinary industrious and studi∣ous, that in a short time (such was his Proficiency in Humane Learning) the was accounted one of the •…•…st Scho∣lars

(not only of that School, but per∣haps) of that Town and Country. As to Grammar-Learning, his Master (Mr. Clark) was pround he had such a Scholar to boast of, being indeed the very Cre∣dit of his School; and would therefore usually put him upon the most diffi∣cult▪ Tasks in Learning and Disputing. He was a great Improver of Time in his younger Years: I having been cre∣dibly informed he would hardly allow himself time for those necessary Re∣pasts that Nature might warrantably challenge; the spare time that he had from School, which other Scholars spent in Play and youthful Recreati∣ons, he would constantly, with great Delight, spend in his Study; usually rising early, and sitting up late for such end. His great Prosiciency in Learning was such, that he proved very useful (I may not say serviceable) to the Scholars of the same Form; for whilst they were spending their spare Hours, with delight in Play, he would be spending his with as great delight in his own Studies, or in the Service of those Idle Lads, who com∣monly engaged his help in preparing

their School-Exercises for them; they knowing well that what he did of that Nature, would pass in School as cur∣rent Pay, for the discharge of those Debts they by their idle trifling Hu∣mour had contracted. He was likewise very forward in the best Things, truly Conscientious (as in Charity must be believed) in his Closet-Duties, he spending much time there; a constant Attender upon Ordinances, both on Sabbath-days and Week-day-Lectures. He took Sermons very exactly in Short-Hand, and repeated them as distinctly, after, in my Father's Family.

He was very useful to those of us that were Younger, and would most frequently upon a Sabbath-day, in the Evening of it, take one or other of us to walk with him in the Garden, where he would always commune with us of Heavenly Matters; would enquire in∣to our Proficiency by the Means of that Day; would try our Knowledg in Spi∣ritual Things; and as carefully instruct us, where he found Ignorance prevail∣ing: But above all, (which I must ne∣ver forget) he has so awakingly and pathetically discoursed to us about the

Joys of Heaven, and the Happiness of Souls being arrived there; that I can say, I have even longed, at such a time, to he out of the Body, and to be with the Lord; have been filled with hun∣gring Desires to forsake the World's Husks, and to taste those Dainties of my Father's House, which indeed my Brother did most lively and sweetly represent to us: I well remember I have then been ready (with Paul) to desire to be dissolved, and to be with Christ. At other Times, he would in so sweet, yet startling, manner dis∣course to us about the Pains of Hell, and the Eternal Misery of Damned Souls; would so lively set forth Sin in its Black and Bloody Colours, as that which brings Souls to that place of horrid Darkness, that I, and (I be∣lieve) others of my Brothers and Si∣sters, were sussiciently startled and frighted for that Time: It made me (whilst the Thoughts were afresh upon me) much afraid of Sin; my main Reason, alas! being then only (as I well remember) that I might escape those dreadful Miseries he had repre∣sented to us. I can say to the Glory

of God, that thorow his Blessing upon my Brother's Discourse, I have had good Impressions sometimes upon me, which I must sadly say too soon wore off again, being but as the Morning-Cloud, and as the Early Dew. He would with some others of his School-Fellows, who were of the same Form with himself, (such as Mr. John Reyner, that most eminent Servant of God now in Heaven, Mr. Jonathan Robinson, that Pious Christian, now a Bookseller in London, Mr. Thomas Peachall an At∣tourney, and divers others, (then well disposed) frequently meet together; and kept Hours, nay often whole Af∣ternoons, in Religious Exercises by themselves: They took their Turns for the carrying on that Work, and usually discoursed from some Text of Scripture at such times; and this they did from House to House, doing good (it's hoped) wherever they came; ad∣mitting constantly of some Auditors of the House where they were. My Brother was several Years at the Uni∣versity of Oxford, and a Member of Corpus-Christi Colledg; was an Uni∣versal Scholar, and supposed to have

but few Equals in Learning. As for Physick, he somewhat delighted in that Study, and proved not a little useful, to some, upon that account. I remem∣ber, I my self being much out of or∣der and weak, tho not Sick, at about 13 or 14 Years old, many thought I was going into a Consumption, (the Distemper of our Family) I spit Blood, and had other Symptoms that he dis∣covered; he perceiving me discoura∣ged at such their Apprehensions, told me I was not far gone in that Distem∣per, and tho it should prevail, might live 20 or 30 Years. He advised me to eat Raisons frequently, and some time to drink my own Water every Morning; which I did for several Days, and through the Blessing of God most successfully.

Unhappy Differences (when my Brother was grown a Man) did too frequently fall out betwixt my Father and him, which did arise sometimes a considerable height; some thought my Father too strict with him, in his Years of Manhood, and others thought him abundance too stubborn and rebel∣lious in his Carriage towards my Fa∣ther:

but further mention of this mat∣ter will not become my Pen. Those Differences reduced my Brother to great Straits; and I heartily blame my self (who too often occasioned the Quarrels) for want of Brotherly Com∣passion and Tenderness towards him, when in Distress, and I my self (tho a Child) in some Capacity, at London, to do it; (the Lord forgive me.)

My Brother John died at about the* 1.5 Age of 16 Years, at Swinderby, of a deep Consumption: And tho I (having for some Years before been an Appren∣tice in London) had not the advantage of intimate Acquaintance with him, nor therefore of making Remarks up∣on him for some Years before his Death; yet this I was certainly assu∣red of by those who knew him best, that he lived a very blameless and unspotted Life, and died a most comfortable and happy Death, resigning his Soul into the Hands of God his Faithful Creator, and leaving a vain World with Joy and Comfort.

My Sisters Elizabeth, Mary, and Dor∣cas,* 1.6 were all Persons that had the Fear of God before their Eyes, were exem∣plary

in Holiness, and truly serious and gracious; they were usually under the Eye, Care and Conduct of our god∣ly Parents, and in this respect had the Advantage greatly beyond some o∣thers of us, of Parental Instructions and Admonitions, being constantly under a Religious Discipline; their good Education the Lord gave them Hearts to improve, and Grace to an∣swer: they were of good natural Tempers, Lovers of God's Ordinan∣ces, conscientious in the Discharge of Duties, both Religious and Relative, and strict in the Sanctification and Ob∣servance of the Lord's Day.

Elizabeth married to John Hatfield Esq of Laughton in Yorkshire. Mary to Mr. Jonathan Stanyforth, then of Rotheram in the same County, and after of Firbeck. Dorcas to Mr. Joshua Wig∣ley, of Cliff in Derbyshire. All very eminent for Holiness; had very com∣petent Estates; kept up Religion in the strictness of it in their Families, main∣tained a strict Discipline, and endea∣voured to train up all under their Care and Charge in the Fear of the Lord.

These my Sisters lived but a few Years (after their Marriage) with their Husbands, and left them for their Lord Christ, one much better.

My Sister Mary, I think, only left a Child to survive her, viz. Disney Sta∣nyforth,* 1.7 and now under my Tuition, as one of his Guardians; he is, at my writing this, about the Age of 15 Years; a comely Child, of sweet Disposition, extraordinary Solidity, observant of Friends, not morose, but kind, to E∣nemies; and which crowns all, one, I think, I may say truly fears God.

My Parents (for whom I bless God)* 1.8 being truly religious themselves, took great care, by a religious Education, to make us their Children so too, and that whilst young, and afterwards were as careful and circumspect in the disposing of us in Marriage and Imployments, to such as feared God. And truly God did wonderfully an∣swer their Prayers, and bless their Endeavours; for we were all of us setled and disposed herein, to our Pa∣rents great Satisfaction, and our own great Comfort.

Too few, I fear, consider and improve the Advantage of a religious Educati∣on, though certainly a most singular and distinguishing Blessing. Not to be born of Popish, Pagan, Turkish, or Debauched Parents, must needs be esteem'd a great Mercy; and surely will be by those the Lord does saving∣ly enlighten: such will know how prone Corruption within, will be to encline to an Imitation of what's bad and sinful. But now to be born of Christian Parents, yea, such who are of the stricter sort; surely this can be no less than distinguishing Mercy. If it be a Mercy to Children to be train'd up in the Nurture and Fear of the Lord, to be taught to be Religi∣ous by the Example of such Parents: If a Mercy to Children to be in Co∣venant with God, to have a Stock of Prayers laid up in Heaven for them, to have wholesom Counsel, serious Instructions, pious Reproofs, refresh∣ing Comforts, and necessary Correcti∣ons: If these things be Mercies, (as surely none will deny) certainly then the Children of religious Parents, have cause all their Days to bless God

for such a Mercy. Here's now the advantage of Religious Education, when a Parent or Governor's Con∣duct of Children, committed to their Care, is moderated betwixt the Ex∣treams of an unwarrantable Indul∣gence, and cruel Rigor; when Pa∣rents so deport themselves in their good Conduct and Government, that Children may both love and honour their Presence; when they are not too fond, lest Children should not fear them; nor too stern, lest they should fear them too much. Well! good Pa∣rents I bless God for.

As to my Brother Daniel, in his* 1.9 younger Years, he and I being both Abroad, and at great Distance each from the other, I had not the advan∣tage of making particular Remarks. He had his Learning and Education in part, at the Lady Hussy's, with Mr. Birkitts, and after that with Mr. Fer∣guson, both of them Non-conforming Ministers. He marry'd pretty young, Katherine, one of the Daughters of Henry Fynes of Kirkstead, Esq a Co∣heir, (by whom he had several Chil∣dren, four of them yet living, and

hopeful.) She proved a most tender loving Wife, a dear Parent, and a gra∣cious Christian, for many Years before she was summoned from Earth to Hea∣ven, which was on May the 16th, 1690. A farther account of her, some Let∣ters in this Book contain.

I the said Gervase Disney being but* 1.10 a weak Child (while young), by rea∣son of the Rickets I had in a high de∣gree, was as tenderly regarded and brought up; much Care was taken of me, especially by my Mother, than whom, I believe there can't be any more loving, kind and tender-hearted breathing. I could not (by reason of my Weakness) go till about eight years Old; but long before that, I fear, could run swiftly enough in the Ways of Sin and Vanity. In these Years, I cannot say, that I had the least sense of the Corruption of my Nature, and the Evil of Sin, upon my Heart: Several Years I was carried in the Arms of one Anne Carlton, a Servant in our Fami∣ly, who constantly attended me. Bent enough I was to play, and therefore for some Years, had a constant way of Hitching about upon a Cushion, the

better to follow and join with my Brothers and Sisters in their Sports, when by reason of the Rickets, my Legs would not carry me.

The first Tidings of my Walking alone, was welcome Tidings to my Father and Mother, and brought by my Uncle Lee, (then a Tabler at our House at Lincoln, for the Benefit of Free-School-Learning.)—It seems he, and the other Children, were engaged in some kind of Sports, that I had an Eagerness to pursue; when finding I could not follow fast enough by Hit∣ching, did strangely and suddenly ad∣venture a trial of Skill after them, upon my Legs, holding by Tables and Stools as I went along. But O what a Miracle of Mercy am I (to the Glory of God be it spoken) who am now ar∣riving the 48th Year of my Age, having for most of these Years been healthful and strong, and little ac∣quainted with Sickness! when as for several Years (when a Child) I was so weak that few thought I could live many Months. O that I should out∣live Seven of my Brothers and Sisters so many Years, who were all of them

so much stronger, and most of them so much younger than my self! But God's Ways and Thoughts are not as ours. Surely as some times, yea, often I have thought, God has something extraordinary for me to do, (tho the meanest and unworthiest of all his Ser∣vants) only this I have learn'd (through Grace) to say heartily and chearfully Speak, Lord, for thy Servant desires to hear; send me, Lord, upon any Errand, and set me about any Work, whether do∣ing or suffering, and I thy Servant de∣sires faithfully to attend it: If I may have but thy Presence with me, and thy Supports and Comforts to refresh me in my way, I shall be content.

I being in Childhood so long weak, was not sent to School till about 12 or 13 years Old, and then to the Free-School at Lincoln; but did not alto∣gether lose my time before; for my honoured and good Aunt Thorneton, who was with my Mother mostly, from her Marrying with my Father, did in∣struct me in my English Learning: Indeed to most, (if not all of us) she was both Nurse and Instructer; my Mother having Children thickly, and

nursing us all herself, was rendred less capable; and therefore my dear Aunt's Service was much more grateful and acceptable.

I went not to School of several Years, and when I did, made but little Proficiency, having an aversness to-Learning, or rather to Study (the bur∣densom part of it); my Inclination and Fancy working rather to other Things, as Writing, Herauldry, Musick, &c. and these Exercises I used not only as Diversion, but spent all the Time I could ever be Master of, in them. My Father therefore perceiving me to de∣cline Learning, gave me my choice of a∣ny Trade: I inclined most to a Herauld-Painter, (having by frequent Practice arrived at tolerable Perfection in that Art.) But that Employ being judged to be too burdensom to an Apprentice, I inclin'd to be bound to a Bookseller, the advantage of many Authors, and a good Library, being to me the main Inducement: But that, Mr. Robinson told my Father was a declining Trade. At last it was concluded, with the Ap∣probation of all concerned for me, that I must be bound, for 7 Years, to my

Cousin Mr. Martin Oglethorp, a Silk∣man,* 1.11 and Merchant, in Lombard-street, London. And there I was placed about the Year 1661, and about the 18th or 19th Year of my Age. There alas! my Carriage and Deportment was such, that I have cause to bewail my Folly, being not so diligent and care∣ful in my Service as I ought to have been, in answer to a good Education the Lord had blessed me with.

These particular Sins (I remember)* 1.12 I was too frequently guilty of, viz. wasting my Master's Time, by employ∣ing too much in my own Service, and that generally to my Disadvantage; neglect of Duties, Equivocation, studi∣ously contrived, for the covering, con∣cealing, and hiding other Faults, which then, I remember, the Devil and my own naughty Heart perswaded me was not Lying; yet since (through Grace) I have learnt to know was no better, being intended, and contrived, for the deceiving of others. And thus I have most wickedly (sometimes) for the hiding one Fault from Man, com∣mitted many Sins against God. Ano∣ther Thing for which the Lord has

humbled me since, and shewed me the evil of, tho then I could not see it, was this: My Master being by Covenant bound to find me with Meat, Drink, Clothes, and other Necessaries at his own Charge; I finding him pretty penurious, however not suiting my proud Humour, I did often furnish my self with some such Things at my own Charge out of that Money my Friends sent me: Yet now and then (tho very rarely, and never, I believe, exceeded 40s. in all) I would pay for some such Necessaries out of the Shop-Box; which being yet done in so clandestine a man∣ner, I have accounted highly sinful, and (blessed be God) has cost me ma∣ny a Tear; tho since, one way or other, I believe, I have made more than dou∣ble Restitution. Another Dreadful Sin I was in that Service Guilty of (the Review of which has been grie∣vous to me) was this; I did not con∣tent my self to sin alone, but did draw on and encourage John Mildmay, my Fellow-Apprentice, and under me, to sin with me: And this I did so long, that he at last (which was but a just Judgment) became the greatest

Tempter to me; by this God has shewed me my Sin in my Punishment. But O the sad Sabbaths that we have too often kept! sometimes having waited on our Master into Church at one Door, we have got out at the o∣ther: And thus for some Hours have wickedly trifled away precious Sab∣bath-time, by walking about from place to place for Pleasure; some∣times we have appointed Meetings at Ale-Houses on Week-days, where most idly we wasted our Master's time, and our own Money. Once, I remem∣ber, at such a House, where we were perfect Strangers, knocking 2 or 3 times for a Reckoning, no Body came at us; says John Mildmay, let's be gone and save our Money; with all my heart, says my wicked Tongue, in∣clin'd thereto by a worse Heart: But we had not got half a Mile, before my Conscience flew in my Face for that Wickedness; so that at my Re∣quest, we went back and paid all. Thus sinfully did we too often waste our precious Time in Ale-Houses, and sometimes in worse Houses: Twice I think we went to Syder-Houses, which

proved Bawdy-Houses, which yet we did not decline; some of our wicked Comrades having taught us (which the Devil set home to silence Consci∣ence) that it was a good Way some∣times to frequent such Houses, and to associate with such Company, the bet∣ter to work in us an Abhorrence and Antipathy against the Practices and Sins of such places. This plausible Pretence, guilded Bait, and wicked Notion, was too readily espoused by us, young Men (tho old Sinners;) this serv'd to stop the Mouth of Conscience a while, till the Lord pleased to a∣waken it: And then I saw desperate Folly in committing Sin, to prevent Sin; and thought of those Texts, You may not do Evil that Good may come of it; and if Sinners intice thee, consent not: And of the wise Man's Counsel, Prov. 7. speaking of the Harlot, O let not thine Heart decline to her Ways, go not astray in her Paths; Come not nigh her Dwelling, for she hath cast down ma∣ny wounded: her House is the way to Hell, going down to the Chambers of Death, &c.

By unbecoming Dalliances, Glan∣ces, and Carriages with young Wo∣men, Relations and others (in which I thought, in younger Years, there was no Evil) I fear I too often broke the 7th Command: for tho never (blessed be God) guilty either of A∣dultery or Fornication; yet since I have learn'd to know, that there's more forbidden by that Command than is express'd, and that every un∣chaste Thought, Word and Action, is a breach of it, the review of such youthful Follics, has been dreadful to me, since God touch'd my Heart, and gave me Grace to consider. Some Sins (whilst a Child) that I omitted before to mention, were such as these; Play∣ing Truant frequently, when I should have been at School; and the better to colour over and hide such Miscar∣riages, I seldom stuck at telling a Lie. Thus I added Sin to Sin, (as in∣deed Sin seldom goes alone); I have too often experienced it, that one Sin draws on to another: David's Sin with Bathsheba had others accompa∣nying it; his first Sin was Idleness, his second Uncleanness, and then the

Murder of Ʋriah her Husband. I was also guilty of robbing Orchards, pil∣fering and taking what has not been my own from my Brothers and Sisters, and Father; Foolish Jesting, idle Tal∣king, slighting holy Duties, profaning Sabbaths, Disobedience to Parents, and indeed what not? I had so base a Nature, and so wicked a Heart, even then when I could do but little more than go, that I boggled at almost no Sin that such Age inclin'd to.

These and such like Sins of Youth, made sad work for Repentance in Riper Years; it was long before, but (blessed be God) at last, I set my Sins in order before me, with all their ag∣gravating Circumstances: Then I thought of the Love and Light, the Means and Mercies, the Vows and Promises, the Exhortations and Exam∣ples, the Reproofs and the good Edu∣cation I had sinned against. Whilst I was a Servant at Mr. Oglethorps, I was under good Family-Discipline, I had opportunity to attend upon the best Means, had good Examples be∣fore me, was examined on Lord's-Day-Nights, what I remembred; but

alas! was too long a Trifler under all, which I have been much more sensible of, and afflicted for, since I left my Apprenticeship, than before. It plea∣sed God there, to begin a Work of* 1.13 Grace, which (notwithstanding too many sad Slips) I believe and hope he has been carrying on ever since: There it was, the Lord first enabled me to set my Face Heavenwards, and to engage me in serious Thoughts a∣bout the eternal Welfare of my im∣mortal Soul; most remarkably ob∣served upon a Fit of Sickness, the Lord was pleased there to visit me with; in a very few Days I was brought very low in Body, begun to be serious, to think of my Ways, and of turning to the Lord, Psal. 119. 59. was then full of Purposes, and Promises too, that (if the Lord pleased to spare me) I would (through Grace) mind Religi∣on as my Business, and follow the Lord fully. God was pleas'd to hear my un∣worthy Prayers, and to speed an An∣swer of Peace to me; in a Day or two I was perfectly recovered; and my Body being healed of Sickness, I begg'd hard that my Soul also might be heal∣ed of Sin.

The Lord did wonderfully bless to me the Ministry of Mr. Brooks, (of whose Church my Master was a Mem∣ber) and I therefore frequently had the advantage of hearing him: But especially, the Lord was pleas'd to do my Soul good, by setting home, with power upon my Heart and Conscience, some Sermons of worthy Mr. Flavel, sen^r. (whom I must reckon my spiri∣tual Father); but those Sermons, with many others, to my very great loss now, were consumed by London's Flames; Mr. Flavel himself died a Martyr for Christ the Year before, viz. 1665, (remarkable in that dread∣ful Mortality by the Plague.) Good Man, he durst not fly from it, when the Hand of God, in that Plague, seem'd to be gone out against the City. He was willing (being a Minister) to hazard his own Body for the advan∣tage of others Souls; and so truly he did: for being taken at a Religious Meeting, he was carried before some Magistrates, who, (after some debate with him) plainly told him, they would set before him Life and Death, and leave him to make his choice.

They told him he must either pro∣mise never to preach at a Conventicle more, or they must commit him to a Prison, (at that time) sorely in∣fected with the Sickness. He was too great a Champion for Christ, and a more faithful Servant to his Lord and Master, than to stand long to consi∣der an Answer, but readily told them, As to their former Proposal, He did abhor the Thoughts of a Compliance, by deserting his Saviour's Service; and as to their latter Threatning, he was freely willing to comply with the Will and Pleasure of God, and could heartily say, His Will be done.

So that he was (O height of Wick∣edness and Cruelty!) committed to Prison; there, presently took the In∣fection, and in a few Days, transplan∣ted from Earth to Heaven. After I was acquainted with this worthy Di∣vine, and had tasted and receiv'd some Benefit by his Ministry, (being intro∣duc'd, at first, by John Southam a Jour∣ny-man Drugster, in London, a very serious young Man, and one I must bless God for) I became a constant Attendor upon him, where-ever he

preached, either in City or Suburbs. He surely was as powerful, plain and practical a Preacher, as I ever did, or reasonably can expect ever to hear: He had one Practice (though exceed∣ing useful) I think peculiar to him∣self, which was this; He would at his first entrance upon Sabbath-Day-Pub∣lick-Exercises, endeavour to raise his Peoples Affections, and to engage them to Seriousness, by a most a∣wakening Exhortation, pressing them to consider with whom they had to do, the Great and eternal God, that searcheth Hearts; what they came about, no less than Souls Concerns, and that for ought they knew their eternal Welfare might depend upon their improving that Opportunity, which Prayer might prove their last Prayer, and that Sermon the last Ser∣mon that ever they should hear.

It was about the 25th Year of my Age, when the Lord was pleased again to check and stop me in my Career of Sin, to awaken my drousy Conscience, to give me a Sense of Sin's damning and defiling Nature, and of the neces∣sity of a saving Change; which should

be accompanied with a strict, serious and holy Conversation, if I would not eternally miscarry. Here I made a stand, and began to consider what I had done, and what I must do! Now began I to be sensible that I could ne∣ver enough bewail the Sins of my Youth; never enough live to the Ho∣nour and Glory of that God, who had given me to out-live those Days of Va∣nity; who had bestowed upon me, not only space for Repentance, but the Grace of Repentance too, as I trust he did about that Time. Now it was that the remembrance of my Sins was more grievous to my Soul than the for∣saking of them; the Sins I once loved, I now loathed, and would (if that had been possible) have given ten thou∣sand Worlds, I had never committed them. Now it was, I by Experience felt, (what before I would not believe) that the best of Sins Sweets are really most intolerably Bitter. I now expe∣rienced the Truth of that Passage I met with in a Reverend Author, (Mr. Hardcastle) says he,

Let every Person that lies under a Temptati∣on to commit Sin, seriously consider

thus; If I commit this Sin, I must either repent of it, or I must not: If I do not repent, it damns me; and if I do repent aright, I shall find it cost me more Pains, and Trouble, and Sorrow, than the Sin was worth that I did commit.

And this I have often thought upon since, upon any Temptation.

Conscience now flew in my Face, and was more than a thousand Witnes∣ses against me; now I did (by sad ex∣perience) feel the truth and terrour of that single Text, A wounded Consci∣ence who can bear? And this (through Grace, I can say) that when I did not sinfully stop its mouth, it was a faithful Monitor to me. That Scrip∣ture terrified me greatly, The Soul that sins, shall die. And here was my Argument upon it; The Law says, the Soul that sins, must die; my Con∣science tells me, But thou, O Soul, has sinned, and what's the Conclusion? why very dreadful, thou must die.

I set about the Work of Repentance, but must confess (till the Lord did sa∣vingly, by his Word and Spirit, shine in upon my Soul) I thought that bare

Repentance was enough, without con∣sidering that true and saving Repen∣tance consisted in forsaking, as well as in confessing Sin: but here the Lord set home upon my Heart such Con∣siderations as these; That his holy and righteous Law was broken, and Satisfaction must be made; that he himself was Just, and his Justice must be satisfied: And that all my Prayers and Tears, and Duties and Repen∣tance, (though I should use them as means) were yet no good foundation to build my Hopes of Heaven upon: That though I could shed a thousand Tears, and those of Blood▪ for one vain Thought, they would be no bet∣ter than puddle Water to justify and save me. Now did those Scriptures st••ir me in the Face, 1 Cor. 6. 9. Know ye not that the Ʋnrighteous shall not in∣herit the Kingdom of God? be not deoei∣ved, neither Fornicators, nor Idolaters, nor Adulter••rs, nor Effeminate, nor A∣busers of themselves with Mankind, nor Drunkards, nor Revilers, nor Extortio∣ners, shall inherit the Kingdom of God▪ And that of Gal. 5. 19. Now the Works of the Flesh are manifest, which are these,

Adultery, Fornication, Ʋncleanness, Lasci∣viousness, Idolatry, Witchcraft, Hatred, Variance, Emulations, Wrath, Strife, Se∣ditions, Heresies, Envyings, Murders, Drunkenness, Revellings, and such like: they that do such things, shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. And though, I bless God, the most of these Sins that do entitle to eternal Wrath and Ven∣geance, I could not charge my self as guilty of, yet some I could; and the least of them, in their own nature, I found was damning, and would serve to exclude me out of the Kingdom of God; now (through Grace) was I ready to cry out, O what must I do to be saved! and a little seriously to enquire into my spiritual State, and after Jesus Christ, and the way of Salvation by him. Now I began to think of the Corrup∣tion of my Nature, and the Sinfulness of my Heart; and that all the impure Streams of my Life had proceeded from that most corrupt Fountain, Mar. 15. 19. And that it was not enough to bewail the outward Acts of Sin, but the inward Principles of Corrup∣tion, leading to it. Now I came to see my need of Christ, and to be sa∣tisfied

that a single Christ would be of more worth than ten thousand Worlds; and these were the Texts of Scripture that did much revive me, viz. That Christ Jesus came into the World to save Sinners; and that the Go∣spel-Tenders of him was to such: And that the Covenant-Terms of Salvation were attainable (thrô assisting Grace.) Isai. 1. 18. Come now, let's reason toge∣ther, saith the Lord, Though your Sins be as Scarlet, they shall be white as Snow; and though they be red as Crimson, they shall be as Wool. O what Encourage∣ment is here, thought I, for me a Sin∣ner! who though but young in Years, was yet old in Sin. And another en∣couraging Scripture I often thought on, was Prov. 28. 13. He that confesses and forsakes his Sin, shall find Mercy. And Isai. 55. 7. Let the Wicked for sake his Way, and the unrighteous Man his Thoughts, and let him turn unto the Lord, and he will have Mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. I then, to encourage my re∣turn to God, and the forsaking of my Sins, thought of the great Sinners that had obtain'd Mercy; such as Manas∣seh,

Mary Magdalen; and some of the very Jews, that had been guilty of the Blood of Christ, and had murdered the Son of God; yet (through Re∣pentance and Faith in Christ) many of them were pardoned and saved; nay Paul, (that eminent Pattern of God's free Grace, to great Sinners) and David, and others of God's Dear Children, (that had foully faln) was Encouragement to me a Prodigal, now to arise and go to my Father. Now I began to set upon a Course of Duties, which when I found I was pretty strict in the performance of, I begun too much to rest upon them: Now I was for believing, but hardly knew how to believe that Christ died for Sinners, so as to throw my self, and rest wholly upon him, and to think my Tears, and Prayers, and other Duties, will do me no good in point of Justification.

When I had served in my Appren∣ticeship about four Years, my eldest Brother Cornelius, being dead some short time before, it pleasing the Lord to visit the City with the Plague, which began in the Street in which I lived; upon which my Father prevailed with

my Master to give me leave to retire into the Country, to him, during that Visitation: Accordingly I came down in the Year 1665, to my Father's House (then at Swinder by.) And then began other Sins to appear in me, as the pro∣duct or Remainders of Corruption in my Nature; I have great cause to bewail and lament that proud Garb I came from London in, having, I do believe, ex∣pended as much for one Sute of Clothes, as would have clothed compleatly 40 poor Servants of Jesus Christ. For which Equipage I contracted much Debt in London, (which my Father af∣ter paid.) I had then so proud an Hu∣mour, that I thought this Dress (thô excessively Gaudy) was but suitable to my Rank (thô alas much beyond it.) This Vanity I can hardly think of with∣out Blushing. Yet now living an idle Life, and being dreadfully puft up with Pride; tho alas! alas! I had no∣thing in the World to be proud of, but rather to be humbled for; I presently was under Temptation to think that I must now carry it out, and live at the Rate of my Father's Eldest Son, and not as Mr. Oglethorp's Apprentice and

Servant. Now it was, that tho indeed I durst not much associate with wicked Companions, that were Strangers, tho Neighbours to me; yet I did it too much with those that were Relations, and thought that Relation would justi∣fy that practice, not considering the Snares of it. I there made too many sinful Slips, went often to Norton, and Norwell, where I met with such Com∣pany, as (had not Free-Grace sustained me) had certainly ruined me, both as to my Principles and Practices. There it was I fell to the Practice of good Fel∣lowship, most undeservedly so called, and then have been perswaded to think that time well spent; could some∣times most wickedly triumph in my Ability to bear strong Drink; not considering the sad Woe in Scripture denounced against such. At that time I learn'd to drink and game, and smoak Tobacco, and trifle, &c. and spent (by Perswasion of others, tho my bad Heart was most to blame) not only Days, but Nights in those kind of Ex∣cesses.

And here I cannot but observe how unwilling the Devil was to lose me,

who so lately had been his Prey, and led captive by him at his pleasure. But yet, after these Relapses, (for e∣ver magnified be distinguishing Love) the Lord graciously gave me a Check; and after some Reproofs and Advice from Parents and serious Friends, I again begun to consider my Ways: Conscience was startled, and begun to do the Office of a faithful Monitor: And this Scripture was often in my Thoughts, and sounded terribly in mine Ears, He that being often reproved, and hardeneth his Heart, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without Remedy. Much precious Time I did waste and trifle away in those Days, in sinful Delights and Pleasures, the want of which I now sadly experience. Several Gentlewo∣men, one after another, I courted; being invited thereto by one Friend or other: and too many of my Addresses of that Nature, were too extravagant, incon∣siderate, and sinful (which the Lord has humbled me much for since.) From Swinderby, I went to Barkston, with my Father and his Family, who went to settle there, for the sake of Mr. Trott the Minister of that Town, and

a worthy good Man; (whilst there) I went sometimes to Grantham to hear some Non-Conformist Ministers, as there was opportunity for their Preaching (which was but seldom); much Soul-advantage I received then, through the Lord's Blessing upon Mr. Sharp's Ministry, who was then a Non-Conformist of very great Note.

After this, my Father buying a House at Lincoln, we removed to it; and thither the Lord in his Providence sent holy, humble and worthy Mr. Abdy, to be Pastor of that Congrega∣tion; for which he had Liberty by the King's Proclamation, and Licence of Indulgence. Here I delighted greatly to attend upon those Ordinances, through God's Blessing upon which, and an intimate Correspondence I held with him, I received much benefit. Then began I, in good earnest, to set my Face Heaven-ward, and to mind the great Work the Lord sent me into, and continued me in the World about. Now began I not only to observe my private Retirements for Prayer, but to pray in my Father's Family (tho too hypocritically) in those my first At∣tempts,

I have cause enough to believe. However, having cast a Look Heaven∣wards, Hell was presently in an Up∣roar, the Devil storms at it; my old Companions begin to upbraid me for it: which yet the Lord gave me Grace to bear with Patience, as knowing that I had much better bear, and en∣dure the Frowns of wicked Men, for being Religious, than the everlasting Frowns of the great God for not be∣ing so.

But here let me stop a while, to ad∣mire the transcendent Goodness of my Heavenly Father to me a most vile Wretch, That he should do more for me than others, who I think had done less for him, and more against him than most others. What, such a Brand as I snatch'd out of the Fire! Such a wandring Prodigal brought home to God! O my Soul, stand and wonder! What, so hard a Heart as mine softned! So proud a Heart as mine humbled! So obstinate a Will as mine subdued! O amazing Goodness! This is the Lord's doing, and must always 〈◊〉〈◊〉 marvellous in mine Eyes.

Though alas, alas! whilst I am here in the Body, I must say with the Apo∣stle Paul, I find a Law in my Members, warring and rebelling against the Law of my Mind; that when I would do Good, Evil is too often present with me. So that the Things I would not do, I do; Corruption I find too much stirring, and even •…•…ainting the best I do for God.

Yet, through Grace, I have these present Grounds to hope for Salvation.

God in infinite Mercy, has made me* 1.14 sensible, not only of my great Sins, but of the ••ileness of my Heart and Nature; he has made me to abhor my self for my Sins, and I hope truly to repent of them. For I do find, that what was before the delight of my Soul, is now become as bad as Hell to me.

That God has brought me so far off from mine own bottom, as to convince me, that all my Prayers, and Tears, and Duties are not able to save me. A Christ alone I must have, have thrown my self at his Foot for Mer∣cy; resolving if I must perish, I'le pe∣rish there▪ I love him above all, and

can (I hope, through Divine Assi∣stance) part with all for his Sake.

About the Year 1670, I was by many* 1.15 Friends recommended to several good Matches, but particularly by that Re∣verend and Worthy Minister of Jesus Christ, my Cousin Sylvester, who pro∣videntially I met with at my Brother Hatfield's, who there acquainted me that he had it long and much upon his Thoughts, to recommend a Person to me he believed would make me a good Wife; That he knew her to be a Per∣son of great Worth, and the only un∣married Daughter of Mr. Spateman: He encouraged me very much, that though I should not proceed in that Affair, yet the Acquaintance of so good a Family would sufficiently re∣compense my Pains and Journey. Af∣ter some mature Consideration, I re∣turned him Thanks, and embraced the Motion; and soon after went to that House, where (though I was then a perfect Stranger) yet through the very great Freedom and Kindness of the good old Gentleman, I soon be∣came acquainted; was received with much Candour, and entertained with

a hearty Welcome. So soon as his Daughter came down, which was a∣bout 6 a Clock, to Family-Prayers, he put us (I remember) both to the Blush, by telling her here was one Mr. Disney come, as recommended to her for a Sweet-heart. After some short time, I had encouragement to proceed in the Affair, was much pleased with the Family, and with the Report I had of the Person to whom I was to make my Addresses. Providence seemed to smile upon the Transaction; our Pa∣rents, after some Debate, came to an Agreement, as to Terms. So that when we had sought God solemnly up∣on a Day, (that I desired we might keep for that purpose) by Mr. Porter, and Mr. Otefield, we came to a Con∣clusion.

And that happy Union betwixt my Dear Wife, Mrs. Rebecca Spateman, and my self, was made the 29th of June, 1671, (being Thursday.) We were married by Mr. Nixon of Morton, at Trinity-Chappel.

And here methinks I cannot but take notice (to the Honour of God) what a Wife he was pleased to lend

me; God has made her to me the greatest outward Blessing, and Com∣fort, that ever I had to the time of her Death. The usual Properties of a good Wife are such as these, Piety, Pru∣dence, Love, Faithfulness, Chastity, Housewifery, Frugality, Self-Denial, Meekness, Patience, Subjection, Sim∣pathy and Helpfulness. I do not know any in the World that can ••oust of a Wife exactly thus qualified; but do believe most of them to be in mine, a valuable Portion indeed to this time, (when we have been married 14 years) I have found her first and last.

She is a truly good Woman, yet but a Woman, and therefore subject to humane Frailties; her Spirit was somewhat too high, and my Humour a great deal too proud, and this oc∣casion'd too often Jarrings betwixt us; but (through Grace) we have both seen the ill Consequences of such strife, and the Lord has made us more useful and less provoking one to another.

It was then considered, where we should make our setled abode; Roade∣nooke Friends were desirous we would either be there, or near them, when

at the same time my Father and Mo∣ther Disney, desired we would be with them at Lincoln; and several Reasons of weight were urged on both sides, which put us into a great Strait and Labyri••th, being desirous as near as we could to please them all, and not disoblige any: So that this Medium was by me propos'd, and as readily approv'd of to fix some-where be∣tween our Friends; and the Place concluded on was Nottingham, where, though I was a perfect Stranger to the Town, and knew not one Person in it, yet (after seeking of God in the Matter) we were wonderfully induced to take a Settlement in that Place.

And now being resolv'd (and that with the Approbation of our Friends) upon a Removal thither, we conclu∣ded Tabling would best comport with our Circumstances at that time: We soon then enquired, and found out, (by the help of Mr. Reyner) a Religi∣ous Family to table in, viz. Mrs. Gam∣ble's in Bridlesmith-Gate, whither we came the 24th of September, 1672. And I must say it was a good Providence that brought me thither, not only up∣on

on the account of a good Land-lady we tabled with, and the good Society we had with worthy Mr. Secker and his Wife, (who were Tablers there at the same time) but especially upon account of the good Acquaintance I there presently got, and the comforta∣ble Opportunities for our Souls we there enjoy'd. The Reasons inclining us to Nottingham, were such as fol∣low;

1. The very good Society there to be had, and the comfortable Ordinan∣ces there to be enjoy'd, not only on Sabbath-Days, but Week-Days too. Mr. Whitlock, Mr. Reynolds, and Mr. Barrett, being the Ministers of that Society there, that I and my dear Wife entred our selves unworthy Members of, (blessed be God for that;) they carried on the Work for the most part on Lord's-Days; and every Wednesday there was a Lecture car∣ried on by all or most of the Non-con∣forming Ministers there-abouts, in the Counties round; they taking their turns in that Work.

And O what cause have I to bless God to eternity, for the comfortable

Enjoyments of that Place! there, I think, my Heart was more carried out after God in an Ordinance, and I did enjoy more of God in a few years, than I had done, perhaps, all my Life be∣fore. There indeed it was we sat un∣der our own Vine with delight; there could we go to our solemn Assemblies, where Multitudes with us did keep Holy-Day; there did we long enjoy our Sanctuary-Blessings, none making us afraid: There had I opportunity of conversing with those serious Christians, in whom was my delight; (viz.) Mr. Lupton, my first Acquain∣tance, a holy Christian, and one use∣ful, loving, and assisting to me in all Offices of Love whilst he lived; James Coates, a near Neighbour, a plain Man, but a hearty Christian, a Person most unwearied in Labours of Love, and always active in serving the Church of Christ; Mr. Musson, a most lively and refreshing Companion, a Man of as meek, humble, and heavenly a Frame, as any I think I ever ob∣serv'd: And the Reverend, my wor∣thy good Friend Mr. Reyner, who was extreamly useful whilst he liv'd, and

most heartily lamented when he died; his Memory is precious to me, and I believe will be to all good Men that knew him; but these are all gone to Heaven: and surely then it was time for me to leave Nottingham, having before parted with so many Friends I dearly lov'd. Others in Nottingham I soon got acquaintance with, and Peo∣ple of great Worth; but these named were my intimate Friends and fami∣liar Acquaintance, whom I especially valued because they fear'd God. I bless God for this Experience, as to my first inducing Motive to Notting∣ham.

2. Another Reason inclining me to Nottingham, being also very per∣swasive, was this; That I should come into that Town a perfect Stranger, and was perswaded I should find it a much easier matter to make choice of new good Companions there, than it could be to shake off my old bad Companions at Lincoln, if I should set∣tle there: when the Lord toucht my Heart, and set my Face Heavenwards, I durst not again trust my self amongst the Snares and Temptations of those

near Lincoln, that had sometimes been Brethren in Iniquity with me.

I was now much upon my Watch, my Heart having too often deceiv'd me to be much trusted. I had found it too treacherous at London, Swin∣derby, Barkston and Lincoln, and there∣fore durst not but guard it well at Nottingham. Though I can say (and heartily bless the Lord for the Expe∣rience) God has wrought up my Heart to an universal Abhorrence of Sin, and a Love to the Ways of Holiness; sometimes indeed, and too often, Hur∣ries of Temptation runs me into too great, (though, blessed be God, not gross) Miscarriages; and Pride, I see, at the bottom of all.

But O! after such Stumbles, God has help'd me up again, and humbled me, and made me more watchful and circumspect: I now experience (bles∣be Free-Grace) God has given me a tender Conscience; I am now afraid of Sin, yea, of any thing that looks like Sin. I can indeed remember the time when I could have committed apparent Evils with less Trouble and Terror of Conscience, than now

(through Grace) the very appearance of Evil in me is accompanied with. And this I do experience, that all the Service that Sin has ever done me, is this; I have been, after, the more enlarg'd in Prayer. I have put (through assisting Grace) greater Fer∣vency into them, and I have been much humbled in bewailing them, and very importunate with Tears for the Lord's Pardon.

3. The third Thing that perswaded me to Nottingham was, that my Self, Wife, and all our Relations, did ap∣prove of our Design, when they under∣stood the Reasons of it: here we con∣tinued with great Content and Satis∣faction at Mrs. Gamble's, for almost a Year and half. And then we finding (through the Lord's Blessing) our Cir∣cumstances somewhat altered and ad∣vanc'd, and we in a Capacity to furnish part of a House, we then concluded to take Lodgings partly furnish'd, which we did, and entred upon Rooms at Mr. Roger Ryley's as Tennants, the 18th of February 1673. Here we had a little Family, but observ'd partly the same Methods for Family-worship

we do now; not only for our own ad∣vantage, but I hope to the advantage of several of Mr. Ryley's Family too: His eldest Daughter liv'd with us, and Nelly, a younger Child, came very often to join with us, both on Week-Days and Sabbath-Days; and I do trust, God made us some ways useful to that Girl, who I observ'd to have a good appetite to spiritual Things; she came to Repetition and Catechism; and in∣deed, was pretty forward for Reli∣gion, and I do hope retains her Appe∣tite, (now being a Servant in the City of London): We continued there not quite three Years, where though we could not expect to get much good from our Neighbours, in the other part of the House, (they being gene∣rally too carnal) yet the Lord made it a comfortable Settlement, in regard (I trust) the Lord so far blessed our weak Endeavours, as that we did some good there, (as some of them, yea, Mr. Ryley himself did acknowledg.)

But now, yet finding our Condition, as to worldly Matters, encreasing, (through the Lord's Blessing) and our Family also enlarging, I took a House

of Mrs. Smith's, over against the Castle, and entred upon it the 29th of September 1676, and that House we furnished compleatly; the Lord par∣don our Pride in that. After we had continued some time here, I was in∣vited to go to Lincoln; and my Father's Design then, being shortly to leave that City, and to live in Yorkshire at Brother Stanyforth's at Firbeck, he did earnestly and importunately sollicite me, by several Letters, to live in York∣shire with him. His main Reasons for cohabiting were;

• 1. That I might the better be ac∣quainted with his Business, which after him, he told me would be mine.
• 2. That he might in his old Age be eas'd in Business (usually very great) by my bearing a part with him.
• 3. That we might, especially, be helpful one to another in the best Things; for though I had reason e∣nough, from the meanness of my Abi∣lities, to believe, I could be but little serviceable to him in any thing, yet he was pleas'd to think otherwise; and would some times take notice of my Improvements in Spirituals.

Once I remember, before the Year 1680, he told me, I having pray'd pretty much with him, at that time, of my being as a Visitor at Lincoln▪ That God had given me the Gift of Prayer; I reply'd to this purpose, (being indeed troubled in my Mind lest Gifts were all, they being too (in my own Apprehensions) mean)

Sir, the Gift of Prayer I look upon as nothing, where there is not the Grace of Prayer; it's that I mostly desire and wait for, and without which, Prayers would little avail.

My Fa∣ther to encourage, as he thought, my living with him, told me he would turn over his Estate to me▪ and help me whilst he liv'd in the Management of it: but this was no Argument to me his Son, comparable to the Com∣mands of a Father, I being, through Mercy, not at all of late Years, in∣clin'd to expect, or depend upon much of the World, nor ever lay under the temptation of desiring any Friend's Death, for my worldly Advance. My Father's most perswasive Letter for my living with him, I answered large∣ly the 22d of February 16••5. After I

had considered and debated the Thing deliberately, advis'd with Friends, sought God by Prayer, and weigh'd Reasons for it and against it, (which was of late Years my constant Method for the deciding any difficult Case) and answered him in the Negative, for the Reasons under-written, if he would please to approve of them, which he did.

Reasons against leaving Nottingham; such as these.

• 1. We came to Nottingham with the concurring Consent of all our Friends; now by removing further from them, we must (I see) necessarily disoblige some.
• 2. After my seeking God for Dire∣ction in the Matter, and keeping a Day to that purpose at Roadenooke, we found our Inclinations more to this place than any, though Lincoln was before most in our Thoughts, in compliance with Friends there.
• 3. Here our main ends in coming have been answered, viz. the enjoying the Gospel, and the Society of good

• quickning Christians; in this respect I thought few Towns priviledged like Nottingham.
• 4. Here God has used me as an In∣strument (though the weakest) of good to some; and I know not what further Service he may have for me here in this Place.
• 5. Here we have the Love of all so∣ber Christians, and Favour (beyond Expectation) from different-minded Magistrates.
• 6. Here God has providentially dis∣posed and committed to me the Educa∣tion of Children, yea the Children of Religious Parents: And, I think, I cannot so faithfully discharge that Trust, nor answer the end of him I honoured, (now with God) if (whilst I may) I have them not under my Eye, especially whilst so young.
• 7. Both my Wife and my Self are very much averse to Tabling, for many Reasons.
• 8. Another Reason that I thought material at that time, was this▪ I can by no means away with a Country-Life▪ I having here the advantage of improving my self, and doing good to

• others, I cannot expect in a Country-Retirement.
• 9. I have some Years unexpired in my Lease of this House I am in.
• 10. I have taken several Tablers.

These Reasons fully satisfied my Fa∣ther Disney, and Mother; and I had their Leave to continue at Nottingham: and here the Lord blessed me wonder∣fully; though now and then I was un∣der the rebukes of Providence, yet was stisfied all was in love to my Soul, and to the advantage of my In∣ner-Man.

Several Troubles I met with upon ac∣count of my Nonconformity; though I did believe, and did accordingly pra∣ctise, that it was my Duty to go as far as I could, with a safe Conscience, in obeying the Authority I liv'd un∣der: And was perswaded in my own Breast, That I could never take Com∣fort in those Sufferings I brought up∣on my self, by not doing what Au∣thority enjoin'd, and I might lawful∣ly comply with without Sin.

About April 1682, when the Spirit of Persecution grew hot in Nottingham,

and much of the Malice of the Magi∣strates seem'd to be levelled against me; I thought I had a Call, and was thereupon resolved (with the Con∣currence of God) to remove, and that, as sometimes we thought, to London, grounding my Opinion of the Law∣fulness of it upon some Reasons, but especially upon that Text of Scripture, If they persecute yon in one City, flee to a∣nother. For about half a year I sought Counsel of God in the thing, having always a desire to be where God would have me. But having all this while, by my self and Friends, us'd all the means I could to provide a convenient Habi∣tation, I met with constant Disappoint∣ments, as to those Houses which lay most convenient for the Management of my Affairs; which were Shipley, Codgrave and Brameote; and as for London, I was perswaded it was too remote from my Business, and too far distant from Friends. On October the 19th, 1682, (Winter being far come on, and Ways bad) I took up a Reso∣lution, with the advice of Friends, to settle at my own House in Notting∣ham, that I had bought upon the High-Pavement.

These were the Reasons that prevailed with me.

• 1. Most of those whom I consulted with, were of opinion, where-ever I went, I should be liable to Sufferings, if I kept from sinful Compliances, and might be as safe in Nottingham as else∣where.
• 2. God did at that time wonder∣fully incline my Self and Wife to make a trial of that House.
• 3. It was at that time providential∣ly at liberty, the Tenant I had, being gone, and the House upon my hands. And here (though blessed be God, from my Marriage, I did not neglect Family-Duties) I set upon a more strict, conscionable and methodical Discharge of all the Duties of Religi∣on, both Publick, Family and Private, than before, and did strive against the Sins of my Constitution, which I found were Pride of Heart, and Passion, &c.

Many Troubles I met with, and was often disturbed, yet it was not (thrō Mercy) for sinning against God, but

serving him: Much Money it cost me to take off Fines and Excommunicati∣ons. Some Ministers were taken, be∣ing Lodgers, at those times, at my House; as Mr. Barrett and Mr. Shel∣verdine.

Upon Mr. Shelverdine's Taking, I find this Memorandum in my Diary; viz.

The first Day I begun the course of having Ministers to help me in my Sabbath-day-work, Mr. Shelverdine being that Day the Person my Sister Wigley (who liv'd then by us) desi∣red might take the first turn, and begin the Work.

He was taken by an Officer at the Lady Berresford's, who had desired some help from him, and was committed to Prison, where he lay some Weeks, but was as soon as might be, with Mr. Barrett, (who was afterwards taken at my House) released out of Prison by the said Lady Berresford's Kindness, who paid down 40 l. for that purpose, they ha∣ving both suffered in her Service.

And now methinks, I have cause to fear my Sins had a hand in stripping me of such a Mercy; and O that my heavenly Father would shew me

wherefore he thus contends with me! It looks, in my Apprehension, as if the Lord judg'd me and my Family un∣worthy of such a Blessing as the Go∣spel is. The Lord pardon those Sins that thus provok'd him, and give me to understand so dark a Dispensation; but in all my Sufferings, I still expe∣rienced much of the Goodness of God, in moderating often, the Spirits of Men towards me, in raising me up Friends, and in restraining some that had very ill Will (though without cause) against me.

Well, now I soon found Nottingham too hot longer to hold me, and my Thoughts went much upon removing; but wither I could not tell, though a speedy: Removal was necessary; I being under the Sentence of Excommunica∣tion, and feared a Writ would be soon taken out▪ And besides, I found that there was no way to take off that Sen∣tence, (which I feared most upon the account of Orphans, and others busi∣ness, lodged in my Hands) but either Conformity, (which I durst not yield to) or leaving the Town, (which I was resolved upon) as the best Expedient for my Ease.

The Lord who has never failed me in a time of Trouble, now appeared for me in his Counsels and Conduct. I was now upon Terms with my Cousin Clar••son, for his House in Kirton, and was come to a Conclusion: Yet as the Lord was pleased to order it providen∣tially, (though I was pleased with the House very much, and my Wife before had consented to the taking it) I would have a Day's time further to speak with my Wife about it. And she, at that time, being at Wigwall, thither I went; and as soon as I came, I met with a Letter from Mr. Barrett, (my most worthy Friend, who was constantly contriving for my well-do∣ing both in Soul and Body) acquainting me that there was a House at Ollercarre to be det, which might prove a conve∣nient Seat for me; and here, (though I met with some Rubs) yet God in his Providence seemed to point out that Habitation to me. I went to view it, and though it was upon disadvantage, there being much finishing work with∣in Doors wanting, yet I liked it so well, as hoping it might prove a quiet and comfortable Place to me, besides the

Priviledges appertaining to it; That I concluded to take a Journey to Mr. Bur∣ton about it: but his Bailiff, who lived with his Family in the House, (and as I perceived since, had no desire it should he let) told me he would send to Mr. Burton to know his Terms, and to ac∣quaint him with my desire of taking it. How he managed his Business I know not, but the answer he returned me, was, that his Master Burton would not let it under Sixscore Pounds per Annum, which was 20 l. more than he had be∣fore offered it to others for. This I took to be a cross Providence, and had proceeded (I think) no farther, but for my Brother Spateman, who advised me that nothing could be done, or known, without my going thither, who offered very kindly to go along with me; thi∣ther we went, and in a few Days I took the House, for 30 l. per Annum less than was mentioned, to the great grief, (I did perceive) of the Bailiff; who (it's to be feared) consulted his own profit, more than his Master's inte∣rest.

And truly this Providence I cannot overlook, viz. That I had not had the

House, if a Rainy Day had not preven∣ted another going to take it just at that time: and hither now the Lord has brought us. Men by their Fury have driven us from Nottingham, which though they might intend it for my Hurt, God can turn it to Good. O that I may keep in his Ways, and leave Issues to him. To the 14th of June, 85, I find in my Diary Acknowledgments, Day by Day, that I had experienced the Lord's Goodness, in casting my Lot into this Place; having to that time enjoyed most comfortable Sab∣baths, & for the most part very publick Assemblies, to the refreshment of o∣thers, as well as our selves. Here I find by those Diaries, I was much carried out in praising God, and in begging that I might be enabled to make some answerable Returns to him by a thank∣ful Heart and a fruitful Life.

At my first coming to Ollercarre, it was much upon my Heart to consider what I should render unto the Lord for all his Benefits towards me and mine: I had this serious Resolve, That I would not shut God out of my House, who was pleased to give me Entertainment in it.

I then pitch'd upon this Method for Family-Discipline; On Week-Days to do thus.

• 1. Prayer every Morning by six o Clock, for the benefit of those Servants that were to be abroad after, upon ac∣count of Husbandry; and this to be performed by my Cousin Watson, or, when abroad, by some one Man-Ser∣vervant.
• 2. By 9 a Clock, every Morning, to call my Family together to•• worship God, by Prayer, singing part of a Psalm, reading a Chapter; and then Prayer.
• 3. To go to Dinner by 12 a Clock.
• 4. To Family-Prayer at •• in the E∣vening, to be performed in the same Method as in the Morning.
• 5. To Supper by 7 a Clock.
• 6. After Supper to spend some time in reading some good Life, or other good Book.
• 7. By •• a Clock every Person to their Chamber.
• 8. Every Monday Night, by •• a Clock, to catechise Servants and Chil∣dren.
• ...

• 9. Every Thursday night Repetition.
• 10. All unlawful Games, as Cards, Dice, &c. all kind of Ribaldry, vain Songs, foolish Talking, and idle Jesting, Swearing, Lying, &c. and all kind of Sin whatsoever are here forbidden; no profane Persons to abide in my House, no Liar to tarry in my Sight.

On the Lord's Day, this Method.

• 1. To begin the Day, as to Family-Worship, with Family-Prayer, by 8 a Clock in the Morning.
• 2. By 9 a Clock to Sermon.
• 3. By 12 a Clock to Dinner.
• 4. By 2 a Clock to Sermon.
• 5. By 6 a Clock to Family-Prayer.
• 6. By 7 a Clock to Supper.
• 7. By 8 a Clock to Repetition.

This Method in my Family for most part (through assisting Grace) we have performed, experienced the benefit of, and would commend it to others.

When I have not had this Method▪ I have found these Inconveniences.

• 1. That the mistiming of one thing has usually occasioned the mistiming of every thing in my Family.
• 2. That when we were uncertain as to our time for Family-Worship, I have often found some of my Servants absent, and their Plea usually was, that they had engaged in such Business as they could not leave off; whenas, a stated known time for such Duties gives all advantage to forecast their Business for it; and it must be their Faults if they do not.
• 3. Want of a set-Time is usually accompanied with this dreadful Incon∣venience, that Worldly Occasions ei∣ther quite justle out some part of the Worship of God, or straiten one in the performance of it.
• 4. By late Prayers, either Morning or Night, we put off our greatest and best Work, to the worst time, and give God the World's leavings.
• 5. We need God's Blessing upon us, and our Family-Occasions, as much, early in the Morning, as later; there∣fore should be early at the Duty of Fa∣mily-Prayer; and not too late, or long at Night, for fear of Drowsiness.

And I must not omit to add, I have every way found such Methods benefi∣cial too, and the Lord has enabled me in some measure to perform, my pur∣pose, it being (blessed be the Lord) very rare that we have mist it since we came to Ollercarr.

Here again, at my first coming, I re∣newed my Covenant with God, and did desire and beg, I might bring a new Heart to my new Habitation; and rea∣dily give God Entertainment, where he has been pleased to give me Admission. This Place the Lord seemed in his Pro∣vidence to point out for me, and here he has blest me: O that, whatever o∣thers do, I and my House may serve the Lord. Here we have enjoyed most sweet and comfortable Sabbaths, mostly by the help of Mr. Coates, whom the Lord has made a Blessing to our Family, and sometimes other Ministers. O the comfortable Seasons of Grace we have here had! the refreshing and rousing Sermons we have here heard! what full Meetings (the Neighbourhood, for many Miles round, flocking hi∣ther) have we had! Here we had Line upon Line, and Precept upon Precept, here

a Little, and there a Little; nay here Abundance, and there Abundance. Here Heaven's Dews dropt about our Tents; the Gospel brought into our very House; Sanctuary-Blessings were restored us, which we had sinned away at Nottingham. Here could I (through Divine Indulgence) keep open House for God, none making me afraid. O the comfortable Sabbaths, Sermons, Sacraments, Fasts, and Family-Duties here enjoyed! O the sweet Repasts we had for our precious Souls! Now did I begin to make a more strict Scrutiny into the state of my Soul than ever, and was now for weighing the Reasons of my choice of Christ in the Ballance of the Sanctuary; did sit down and consi∣der with my self what it might cost me to be Religious, and whether or no I could be at that Charge.

Well, but did these Halcion Days always last? Did my Sun suffer no E∣clipse? Alas, alas! we soon sinned a∣way our Comforts; and by Sin as soon involv'd our selves into the Depths and Labyrinths of Misery and Trouble.

An Account of which, take from my Diary, to this purpose;

Upon

the 15th of June 1685, (being the Day that (the first Tidings of the D. of M's Landing in the West came into the Country) I had, by several Friends, one after another, Informa∣tion that the Nottingham Magistrates, had intercepted a Letter of mine; in which, they found a Paper written in Characters; and presently cry'd, Treason, Treason: This Paper they presently sent to many Persons in the Town, if possibly, to get it read, but (it seems) all in vain, either they could not, or would not read it▪ A very great stir they made about it, concluding it was the D. of Mon∣mouth's Declaration, and contained a Call to me to appear in Arms for his Assistance.

These were their idle and un∣grounded Conjectures, which put them upon threatning me in a most dread∣ful manner, and sending out their Warrants to seize me either at Not∣tingham or Derby, that I might read the Letter, (as was alledg'd.) This Paper they never sent me, nor could I possibly suddenly know the Contents of it▪ though I did understand it came

from my Brother Daniel Disney, (who was that Term in London.) I confess this Tidings did somewhat startle me, and made me some Days then absent my self from my Habitation, as not knowing what Injury my reading the Characters might be to my Brother; though I knew it could be none to me, (whatever it prov'd to be.) I there∣fore thought it best to lie incognito, till I could understand from my Bro∣ther what he had written in those Characters; to that purpose, I sent my Cousin Watson to London, (or to Epsom-Spaw, 12 Miles further) to find him out; which Journey he went, and came in safety, though altogether with∣out success, my Brother being newly come down to his own House at Kirk∣stead, contrary to his former Intenti∣ons. In a Day or two after, my Cou∣sin Watson, (being now return'd to Ollercarre) was seiz'd by Souldiers at my House, and presently committed Prisoner at Derby, who by his most imprudent Answers to those Interro∣gatories put to him by the Officers, did somewhat prejudice Mr. Chauntry, a young Minister, taken at my House

with him; and might have done hurt to others by Imprudency, had not the Lord's over-ruling Providence pre∣vented. The D. of Monmouth's Army now increasing, things begun to be in a great Uproar and Confusion; many Gentlemen of this County were im∣prison'd, and several of them sent to Westchester, a Place far remote from their Habitations, and so near the Sea, that People were fill'd with sad Ap∣prehensions, concerning the further Consequences of such a remote Con∣sinement; many Rumours there were that I should be fetch'd in immediate∣ly: Friends advis'd me to withdraw, which at first I did decline, as con∣cluding my Innocency would be a suf∣ficient Protection to me; but when I saw it did not prove so to others, and did consider the Character-Paper, (the Contents of which I knew not) I took their Advice, and did abscond about the 30th of June 1685, and (I bless God) did find most hearty wel∣come and Entertainment, in the seve∣ral Families the Lord in his Provi∣dence did direct me to.

But no sooner was I gone than the Countries round (as well as Derbyshire) did ring with Hue-and-Crys after me; great Sums of Money now offered for the taking me, by those, who were as full of Rage and Malice as could be, breathing out nothing but Threat∣nings against me, suggesting most wickedly and falsly, that I had fur∣nished the Duke with 600 l▪ had en∣tertained him two Months in my House, and was certainly gone to him.

Others as falsly reported, that I was taken with his Declarations in my Poc∣ket, and a Letter of Thanks from him for my Kindness to him, in befriend∣ing his Interest.

At my going away from Ollercarr, I first went to Mansfield, upon the 29th of June 1685, (that Day being their Fair) whither (as I hear since) I was followed by the Sheriff of Nottingham∣shire, and was very much in danger; many I met upon the Road (coming from the Fair) begg'd of me to have a care of my self, for great Inquiry was made after me, and search for me. A little before that time, I being in Chesterfield upon Business with my

Landlord Burton, (which occasioned my stay 3 or 4 Hours) and had no sooner taken Horse, than (as I understood since) Officers came to my Inn to seize me. Here the watchful Eye of the Lord was upon me for good.

On Mansfield Fair-day at night, Sol∣diers came to Ollercarr to apprehend me; others were making diligent search for me at Nottingham at a great many Houses, giving me most revi∣ling Language, and threatning me with Death when ever taken; and some (as was reported) said I should never come to a Trial, for they would shoot me, and tear Bit from Bit where∣ever they met me. These poor Wret∣ches, who I never injur'd, but have of∣ten served, I can heartily pity, and pray for, and if ever I have opportu∣nity of serving them, do hope to let them see that my Religion teaches me to do good to my Enemies, and to re∣quite Evil with Good; the Lord forgive them, they know not what they do.

About this time, I was at Friends Houses not far from home, but thought it now convenient, for greater safety, to remove further, and was directed

by a Friend (who very kindly did ac∣company me) into Leicester-shire: Thi∣ther we went, and (as the Lord was pleas'd to order it) just in time, for presently after I could not have got away, there being strict Watches set night and day for me, in all or most of the Towns (for many Miles) round about Ollercarr.

We travell'd from one place to a∣nother, not staying long in any till we came into Leicester-shire. And the Lord preserved me in all my Wan∣drings, (blessed be his most holy Name) and gave me much Favour in the eyes of those I visited, and had with all most hearty Welcome, and free Entertainment. Many remarka∣ble Passages and great Providences I experienc'd, as I came from Place to Place, mention'd particularly in my Diary, and therefore less needful here; only this;

Upon the 18th of July 1685, I find my Experience noted in the said Diary, That notwithstanding my Enemies▪ Threatnings, and, my Fears, my Dear God had wonderful∣ly preserv'd me; so that, through Mercy, no Evil has hitherto befaln

me. O that I could take Encourage∣ment from my Father's Goodness to live more the Life of Faith, and to depend more upon God! upon that God that has brought me out of ma∣ny Troubles, and kept me from ma∣ny Dangers; he has delivered, does deliver, can deliver, and I trust will yet deliver me. O that in the mean time present afflictive Dispensations may be to his Glory, to my Soul's Ad∣vantage, and my Relations Benefit!

Upon the 5th of July, I came to Mr. S. where for better safety, I went by the name of—; there I had most friendly Entertainment, found him ex∣ceeding good chearful Company him∣self, as those also, who were several of that Neighbourhood that came to see me: Here I had very comfortable and Soul-refreshing Society, and Safety while I staid: And upon the 21st of July 1685, upon the advice of very worthy and good Friends, such as Mr. S. Brother S. &c. (besides my own Inclinations) to surrender my self to the D. of N. I came away in the E∣vening from Mr. S. and therefore could reach no further than Duffeild

that Night: We got not thither till 11 a Clock, and therefore concluded it best to stay at a little Ale-house, at the hither End of the Town, that God∣frey Batty knew, though I did not. And here I observ'd a great Provi∣dence, the Watch-men of that Town just stood at the Door where we light∣ed, being (I have cause to believe) at that time, in an especial manner, di∣rected to look strictly for me, as I un∣derstand, all the Watch-men for ma∣ny Miles round about my House were directed to do. These Watch-men demanded my Name, but Godfrey very prudently, by telling them his, pre∣vented their further Inquiry; there we lighted, and the Watch-men pre∣sently came in, who I entertain'd with Ale and Tobacco, and left Godfrey with them, whilst I, in my Clothes and Boots, went to lie down upon a Bed in the next Room, being both Sleepy and Weary; but now being under a slavish Fear, and a disquieted Mind, lest I should be taken before I had sur∣rendred, (for which the good Lord forgive me) though I did get 3 or 4 hours Rest, yet not one wink of Sleep.

In the Morning early, the Constable came, who knocking at the Window where I lay, I verily thought I had been surprized; but it appeared, it was only to see whether the Watch-men duly observed their Office: the Land∣lord ask'd Godfrey my Name, which he refused then to tell him, but promised he would the next time he saw him; which, as the Lord ordered it, did satis∣fy; though he told him he could stop and secure me if he would.

By 6 a Clock, on Wednesday Mor∣ning, I got to my House at Ollercarr; and though in the way I met with and saw several People, who (I believe most, if not all) knew me, yet, through the Lord's Restraints, none to hurt me.

By 9 a Clock that Morning, after I had stay'd about 2 Hours with my Dear Wife, (whom I had not seen of long before, and was her self under some Trouble, and having Warrants out a∣gainst her, as was said, was a little before forc'd to keep from home)—I went to Mr. T. at Wallen-wells, who being abroad, came not Home till 8 a Clock that Night.—I acquainted him

with my Design of surrendring my self to the Duke of Newcastle, and de∣sired his Company with me; I percei∣ved him timorous and something shy;- he told me he would not do it till he had obtained first the Duke's leave to that purpose; upon which (by a Let∣ter on purpose) he acquaints the Duke with my desire to surrender my self to him. To which the Duke made this Return on Thursday Morning; he gave him many Complements and Thanks for his Letter, but told him that as for Mr. Disney, he might secure him, and expected that he came along with him. Upon this startling Answer, I began to think I had taken a wrong Method in this Surrender, and did expect nothing less (from the Duke's Letter) than be∣ing sent to Nottingham Goal. That Day about 4 a Clock we went to Wel∣beck, when I feared to find him the more severe upon me, because of the Corporation-men of Nottingham, who (I understood) dined with him that Day. But here I again experienced the Goodness of the Lord, who had so wonderfully moderated his Spirit, that I found him very calm and kind; I ac∣quainted

him, that I understanding he had sent his Warrant out against me some time since, I was now come to wait upon him to know his Pleasure. He replied, he never sent out any War∣rant against me, nor had he any thing to charge me with, only a great Ru∣mour there was of a Character-Paper directed to me, which the Aldermen of Nottingham had sent to King and Council; that therefore it was conve∣nient I should be forth-coming, till he had acquainted the King and the Lord Lieutenant of Derbyshire with my Sur∣render; and did not doubt but in a Week's time he should receive Orders for my Liberty. In the mean time, he wish'd me to make choice of any Friend in the County to be withal.—I named my Uncle Lee, which he readily appro∣ved of, sent his Servant and Letter with me.—And thither we came on Friday Morning about 10 a Clock, there I had kind Reception and friend∣ly Entertainment, as also my Wife and 2 Servants with me: Here again the Devil set his Agents a-work to raise slanderous and lying Reports of me; by some it was reported, that the Al∣dermen

of Nottingham were drawing up a Paper against me, to send to Lon∣don; others that I was run away pri∣vately from my Uncle Lee; some that I was a Prisoner at Newark; others re∣ported me hanged in the West, at the same time the Lady Lisle was executed; others said that John Oliver of Lincoln, was just going to London to swear Trea∣son against me, and some others; but I might easily prevent and stop him, by laying an Action I had upon him, and so imprison him: But this Counsel I utterly disliked, and bless God none of these things did much move me. A Passage in my Diary giving this Reason for it,

I can heartily trust the Lord, who has all along been my Helper; I can with Comfort enough set a sin∣gle God against all mine Enemies.

Whilst I was at my Uncle Lee's, (which was between 5 and 6 Weeks) my Uncle was unwearied in his Pains for me; going twice to Nottingham, thrice to the D. of N. and once to Ollercarr, in my behalf; was very sol∣licitous and desirous to set me right a∣mongst those that had aspersed me, the Lord require him more than I can.

August 10, 1685. my Uncle Lee re∣turned from the D. of N. acquainted me the D. was much troubled for my long Confinement, but could not help it; that he had sent 3 several Letters to the Lord Sunderland to know the King's Pleasure about me, but could receive no Answer. He concluding they had nothing against me, was wil∣ling he should upon his own Head, and without Order set me at Liberty; and if possible afterwards take advantage against him for so doing; he being sen∣sible they watc'd to take Pique against him, resolved he would give no advan∣tage: Therefore, by a fourth Letter, acquaints the Lord Sunderland, that he was resolved he would not set me at Liberty, without the King's Order, and desired to hear (with what speed might be) his Pleasure about it.

On August 26, 1685. being at Lin∣coln with my Uncle Lee, my Mother Disney gave me a Letter, Ben. Bromhead brought from London, from my Cousin W. Disney some 3 Days before he died (who was executed as Printer of the Duke of M. Declaration) full of ear∣nest Desires, that I would take care of

his Daughter with me (she being both Fatherless and Motherless): The which (by the Grace of God) I shall do, and look upon her as a Child Providence has cast upon me as my own. The Letter bore Date the 26th of June, 1685. had lain some time before King and Council ere it was suffered to be sent to me; but blessed be God it did me no hurt.

August 28, 1685, being Friday, the D. of N. by a Servant on purpose, gave me tidings of my Liberty by a Letter he sent me, which he had recei∣ved from the Lord Sunderland, to this purpose; That it was the King's Plea∣sure and Command, that I should be set at Liberty, upon such Security as his Grace thought fit. And now here's Food for Faith to feed upon, a gracious return to Prayer. Thus the Lord was pleased to restrain the Hands of wick∣ed Enemies, that had threatned me Ill; and to influence the Hearts of great Men to do me Good. I have experi∣enced with the Psalmist, Psal. 31. 13. For I have heard the Slander of many: fear was on every side, whilst they took counsel together against me, they devised

to take away my Life; yet I have seen the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living. And have good encourage∣ment with holy David to say, At what time I am afraid, I will trust in the Lord.

My Uncle Lee, and I, then went to the D. of N. where the D. receiv'd me very kindly; and told me, though he had nothing at all against me, yet being the King's Letter to him had mention∣ed a Bail, he would advise me to enter into Bonds for the good Behaviour, my self in 2000 l. and my 2 Sureties in 1000 l. a Man. This I declined very much, yet at the Duke's importunity (after I had taken some time to consi∣der on it) I very unwillingly granted to endeavour it; and, indeed, I must say, a great many I found very ready to serve me in the Thing: But the D. himself having named to me my Uncle Clay for one, and my Uncle Lee having offered himself for another, I conclu∣ded upon them; and to that purpose desired my Uncle Lee, to speak to my Uncle Clay, he being just then going to Southwell, which he did, but sent me word by my Man, (who went with him) that my Uncle Clay positively

refus'd me; but (as I have since heard, and do believe it) 'twas not in Un∣kindness; for he acquainted the D. of N. he did not think me in earnest in that Request another made, having neither Letter nor Message from me a∣bout it; but my Cousin Low, his Son∣in-law, did very chearfully accept of piece of service for me.

We all three accordingly, went to the D. of N. to enter into Bond; but the Duke declaring some great Pique against my Cousin Low, fell into a Passion, and declared he would not take Low's Bond for a Groat; and since Clay would not, Lee should not be Bail for me, but I must get two o∣thers. This prov'd a good Provi∣dence, for meeting with this Cross, I took heart to send the Duke word, that I having no ways appear'd against King or Government, nor any ways mis∣behaved my self, did think it very hard thus to be call'd to enter into Bond for the Good-Behaviour. The Duke return'd by Letter, this Answer to me, That since I had declined en∣tring into Bonds, he had, by Letter, acquainted the King that no Body

came in against me, that I was unwil∣ling to enter into Bonds; (being no ways guilty) and left it to his Majesty's further Pleasure; only bad me re∣member he had mine, and my Uncle Lee's Promise to come to him (if sent for.) And thus (through Mercy) I have escaped those ensnaring Bonds, having heard nothing from the D. of N. to this 15th of December 1685, be∣ing almost four Months, and I trust I may not.

August 31, 1685; This Day I re∣turned and my Wife, and Mr. Coats and his Wife, to Ollercarr. Upon the 6th of September, 1685, we en∣joy'd a very comfortable Opportuni∣ty, being the Sabbath-Day: good Mr. Coats preached a Congratulatory Ser∣mon for the Lord's Goodness towards us, in bringing us together again! who had so long been separated one from another; he preaching from those words, Psal. 116. 12. What shall I ren∣der unto the Lord for all his Benefits to∣wards me? and rais'd this Doctrine,

That gracious Souls have, and ought to have, such a Sense of Divine Fa∣vours, as to be extraordinarily car∣ried

forth in Love and Thankfulness to God for them. In the Applicati∣on, he told us, We might take some Measures of the Greatness of the Mercy, of Deliverance God had wrought for us, by considering the Greatness of those Troubles, and the Perplexity of the Condition we were most of us in; says he, Was it not sad for a Family, once so united, not only in Affection, but in a sweet and delightful Society, to be shattered and broken all to pieces?

Was't not sad that a House should ring with Oaths and Curses, that for some time before had no such Lan∣guage to be heard in it?

Was't not sad! that a Family should be quite left and forsaken of those sweet and comfortable Sab∣baths it had some time enjoy'd in great security?

In a word; Was't not sad, that we, who had so often join'd together in Family-worship, as Reading, Pray∣ing, and Praising God, should be so separated one from another; that we could not assemble together for such Worship without apparent Ha∣zard,

nay some of us cast into such Places where there was no Worship of God to be join'd in? Here was our Misery. God give us all a lively Sense of Divine Favour in our great Deliverance.

When God had returned me to my Family, my earnest Prayer was, I might not return to Sin, but honour God more in it than ever, who had done so much for me and mine.

November the 10th, 1685, (the Par∣liament being just met) We kept a Night of Humiliation, by the help of Mr. B. Mr. C. and Mr. C. the Latter made a Sermon from these words, Isai. 8. 17. And I will wait upon the Lord that hideth his Face from the House of Jacob, and I will look for him. They were much enlarged in those Duties; and I do at this time experience (blessed be God) both in them, and Closet-Duties, up∣on the same occasion, my Heart was in a good warm Frame, and was work∣ing much after God. God has heard and answered our Prayers most re∣markably, as appeared by the Parlia∣ment's putting forward things very beneficial to the Nation; they did,

I believe, beyond either the expecta∣tion of those who brought most of them irregularly in, or others who in∣deed expected nothing of good from them.

But by this, I have learn'd this Les∣son, that by those from whom Men expect least, God can do most; and I fear we have lost many and many a Mercy, by knocking at wrong Doors for them, and by trusting too much to, and expecting too much from an Arm of Flesh.

The Lord I do find and experience,* 1.16 has (by blessing to me late Afflictions) done me this Good, (blessed be his most holy Name.)

• 1. I have learn'd to trust God more in difficult Cases.
• 2. I see more Evil than before in Sin, by this bitter Fruit.
• 3. I see a Necessity of setling world∣ly Concerns, of making my Will, (which since I came home I did.)
• 4. Now I am afraid of the least Sin, either of Omission or Commission; a little Sin do's more wound my Con∣science,

• and disturb my Peace, than greater before.
• 5. I now experience, that I spend more time in Duties, and that with greater delight.
• 6. I am a better Husband of my pre∣cious Time, and more careful to im∣prove it, more fearful of mispending it.
• 7. I am less passionate, for God has shew'd me the ill Consequences of Fa∣mily-Heats and Discord.
• 8. Less proud, (I hope) the Lord having shew'd me enough in my self, and in the present sad Times, and my late Circumstances, to humble and a∣base me.
• 9. Now I find a greater Readiness to sympathize with the poor afflicted Members of Jesus Christ, having my self so lately been a Sufferer.
• 10. The World, and the Things of the World are less in my esteem, ha∣ving been so lately imbitter'd to me.
• 11. Now have I set up some other Duties, more than before I practised; as Praying with my Wife, and Repe∣tition on Week-days, and Reading in the Family after Suppers: I bless the

• Lord for these happy Fruits of Af∣fliction; I trust that mine has brought me nearer Christ.

I scarce know any thing that states the Difference betwixt me and the vilest of Hypocrites, but only this; That God makes my Distempers my Burthen, and in the Riches of his Love, inclines my Heart to hanker towards him for help.

Evidences for Heaven, which I examine my self by; more at large in my Di∣ary; answered.

• 1. Effectual Calling, is a good Evi∣dence for Heaven; as appears by▪ Rom. 8. 30. 2 Pet. 1. 10. the Calling I had was about the Year 1668.
• 2. Change of Company, a good E∣vidence, choosing the Society of the Godly, shunning the Society of the Wicked, Psal. 1. 1. Psal. 26. 4, 5. Psal. 119. 115. Acts 9. 26. My Heart an∣swers affirmatively, for that I left Lincoln, and came to live at Notting∣ham for this end.
• 3. Universality of Obedience, Psal. 119. 6. Ps. 139. 2 last Verses; to this

• ... G. D's Heart answers Aff. Decemb. 7, 1685.
• 4. Love to the Godly, (as such) 1 Joh. 3. 14. To this my Heart answers Aff. Decemb. 7, 85.
• 5. Sincere Endeavours to approve my Heart more to God, than my Ways to Men; aiming more at God's Glory than my own Profit, Applause, &c. 2 Cor. 1. 12. My Heart answers Aff.
• 6. Melting and Mourning for Sin, upon the sense of God's Free-Love in Christ, Zech. 12. 10. 2 Cor. 7. 9, 10. G. D's Heart answers Aff.
• 7. Zeal for God against Sin, Joh. 2. 17. 2 Cor. 7. 11. G. D's Heart an∣swers Aff.
• 8. A Love of, and longing for Christ's Appearing, 2 Tim. 4. 8. Heb. 9. 6. Rev. 22. 7, 20. G. D's Heart an∣swers Aff. Decemb. 7, 85.
• 9. Gracious Speech, Prov. 10. 21. Ephes. 4. 29. G. D's Heart answers Aff.
• 10. Blessing God for, and rejoyeing in, the Gifts and Graces of others, Joh. 29. 30. My Heart answers Aff.
• ...

• 11. The Spirit of Prayer, Acts 9. 11. Rom. 8. 15. G. D's Heart answers Affi.
• 12. A careful Sanctification of the Lord's Day, Isai. 4. 56. My Heart an∣swers Affi. Decemb. 7, 1685.

I kept a constant Diary or Journal, recording my Carriage towards God, towards others, and my self, and God's Carriage towards me; giving an ac∣count of signal Returns to Prayer, and great Providences; a few here take.

The 11th of May 1674, (being ve∣ry Rainy at night,) I travelling to Laughton in Yorkshire, upon the Moore, about a Mile and half off the Town, I light into a deep watery Place, mis∣sing the pav'd Bridge, my Horse slip∣ping, fell side-ways, I all over in the Water, and a great Mercy I was not lost, by the Horses lying upon me; my Man drew me out by my great Chamlet-Cloak, which help'd me to swim; I rid afterwards to the Town wet to the Skin, with Boots full of Water; immediately went to a hot Bed, took something warm, pray'd to the Lord, and got a good Night's

Rest; and next Morning was never the worse: This good Providence I desire to remember, acknowledg and improve.

2. When we liv'd at Mr. Ryley's in Nottingham, my Wife being one Night just gone up into a very narrow strait Chamber, being immediately to return down again, having a Candle with her; a Gun was discharged in the Street, made an amazing roaring, and noise all over the House; but in that Chamber such a Noise, as much affrighted her; next Day, I coming into the Chamber, found a round Hole in the Casement by a considerable large Bullet made, which (the Cham∣ber being so very narrow) it could no ways have mist her, had not a good God wonderfully preserv'd her from the Danger, by directing the Bullet.

3. A good return to Prayer: 24th of February, 1674, which the Lord, in mercy, help me to improve.

4. A gracious Return to Prayer, in my dear Wife's Recovery of such a Sickness as most gave her over, in Fe∣bruary 1674.

5. January the 6th, 1675, coming with my Wife from Wigwall, and pas∣sing through a thick Wood to Roade∣nooke, one Bough of a Tree coming up on my Eye with a great force, one being just gone by before, and held it back, it (slipping from him) struck violent∣ly upon my Eye, so that I concluded it struck quite out; it stood immediate∣ly of a Gore-blood, was ill a little time, but (through Grace) in 2 days so well, that I could see to record this singular Providence; which Escape and Deliverance, I desire to ascribe to Divine Goodness, as a Return to Pray∣er, and desire I may use my Eyes more to the Honour of God.

6. January the 14th 1683, I and my Man Sam. Fone, being going a Jour∣ney to Rotheram, about seven Miles off of Nottingham, Sam's Horse slip'd, and fell on the side of a Hill with his Leg under him, which was greivously brui∣sed and strained, and he so full of Pain, that I was forc'd to return to Notting∣ham with him: In my return, such a like Fall I got, my Horse lying upon me a considerable time, for he could not rise; and had he risen of himself,

it might have broken my Leg, which lay just in a Cart-rut; and Sam. being lam'd before, could not help me; but now, providentially a Person comes riding by, just at that instant, did help me up; and through Mercy, I got not the least Hurt, though my Fall seem'd much more dangerous than Sam's, who was lame and under the Chirurgeon's Hand long. This is a distinguishing Mercy, which I desire to improve to the Glory of God.

7. The 18th of June, 1677. In the Close of that Day, in Closet-Prayer, I found my Heart so warmly carried out after God, that nothing would serve my turn but God, and I trust God gave me himself: Blessed Lord, enable me to improve such a Priviledg.

8. My Father Disney, in his time, and I for some Years after him, were perplexed with long and tedious Suits by John Oliver of Lincoln, a Bankrupt, who sued in formâ pauperis: He did most wickedly occasion several People to forswear themselves against me, particularly one Jane Farrow of Lin∣coln, aged about 54, a Woman ofa bad Life, and no Principles; she be∣ing

subpena'd by J. O. to be an Evi∣dence for him: At our sitting a Com∣mission at Lincoln for that purpose, she the said Jane Farrow did swear posi∣tively that the Goods in J. O's Shop at the time my Father seized them, were worth 1500 l. and therefore she would conclude my Father was com∣pleatly satisfied J. O's Debt, and had no right to detain his Estate longer from him. Though I at the same time brought substantial Witnesses, and Per∣sons of good Credit and Reputation, who upon Oath made appear just the contrary; one Mr. Snowden, in my be∣half, swore that he had a Judgment of a 100 l. upon the Bankrupt's Estate, and went at that time my Father seized, with a design to take out Exe∣cution upon the Goods, but not find∣ing them of near a 100 l. value, did desist. Since this, the said Jane Farrow has told some the Reason of her Swear∣ing so desperately was, That J. Oliver had instructed her, and others of his Witnesses, what to swear; had made them all drunk, and then (as she con∣fest) they swore any thing.

Since, this poor wretched Jane Far∣row was visited with Sickness, and died Feb. 27, 1683. and upon her Death-Bed was in a most sad despairing Con∣dition, and cried out much against her¦self for being forsworn. She told those about her that she saw the Devil, and there, says she, he stands (pointing to a Place) ready to fetch me away: She very frequently spoke the same or the like Words. O! says she, thou art come to fetch me; I am certainly thine, and shall be with thee er'e long. She further added, it must needs be so, if Mrs. Disney (meaning my Mother) and Mr. Disney (meaning my self) does not forgive me. Some about her told her (for she had many Visitors daily) that she must call upon God for Mercy, (who alone for Christ's Sake could for∣give her) but she bad them say no more of that; for she had nothing to do with God nor Christ, nor would she receive any Soul-advice, as concluding she must be damned. She sent for J. O. that wicked Wretch, who was certain∣ly the Ruin of that poor Woman's Soul (if the Lord shewed not Mercy at last Gasp); and told him, that for his

Sake, and at his Request, she had damn∣ed her Soul, in forswearing her self a∣gainst Mr. Disney. He endeavoured to pacify her, by telling her she had sworn nothing but Truth, and advised her not to regard what any said to the con∣trary: But this did not do, for she still cries out most horridly against her self, desired those about her to pray for her Death. But says some by her, Jane, we fear you are very unfit to die: to which she presently replied, she knew she must be damned, and the Devil stood ready for her. And thus she lived 2 or 3 Days, and went out of the World in a sad de∣spairing Condition. A most remarkable Instance indeed it is of God's Venge∣ance upon a perjured Person. May o∣thers take warning by it, and such as are guilty in the same kind, repent in time.

9. An Instance very remarkable of two others I could not but here insert, which I had certainly attested by near Neighbours, and my own Tenants at Swinderby; One Smith and Simkin, at Harby (having been at Agle Feast, re∣turning home late) says Smith, Come we must gallop, Neck or nothing, the De∣vil

loves no Cripples; they being both upon one Horse, presently fell down one from one side, the other from the other, both dead, and never spoke more; they received hurt only in one part of their Body (viz. their Necks) intimating their Sin in their Punish∣ment.

10. Novemb. 26, 1684. being Satur∣day, at Dinner, some of our Servants discovered Quick-Silver amongst the Pudding they were eating, and we at our Table had eaten on before; we presently concluded it must be some that had scattered into the Chest where the Meal used to lie, in which Chest, at our removal from Nottingham, I brought a Pot of Quick-Silver that I kept by me for Weather-Glasses, a∣mongst other things: we all eat of the Pudding, but none of us, through the Mercy of God, experienced the least Prejudice from it.

11. At Nottingham, whilst we lived at Mr. Ryley's House, a sad Fire broke out the at William Stirrop's a Flax-man, next Mr. Recklises, at about 11 a Clock at Night, which did burn and flame so furiously, by reason of the

great quantities of Combustible Matter there, that in all probability it had much endangered the consuming the Town to Ashes, had it not been for this great Providence, viz. That very night, and at the very time, when its likely all, or most others were a-sleep in their Beds, We (as the Lord was plea∣sed to order it) had a Religious Meet∣ing at our House, where many were assembled to serve God; Mr. Billingsley (being towards the conclusion of that Exercise) and we (met in a Room part∣ly against those Flames) did soon espy them, and as soon dismist those likely to be serviceable at such a Work, such as Mr. Hawkins, Jo. Boote and others, who being fresh and active, did soon (thrô the Blessing of God) quench that Fire, there being very few others that ap∣peared; which made some say, they were consident there was a Conventi∣cle that Night, there were so many Dissenters about the Fire. How re∣proachfully so ever these might speak, I believe Mr. Mayor (then Parker) at Hencross, was more serious, when he told me the Town of Nottingham was much beholden to our Conventicle

for the timely stopping of those Flames.

12. The 3d of December 1685. this Night (through extraordinary Drow∣siness) at Family-Prayer, I slep'd 2 or 3 times; and awaking again, did not use the best means I could, and should, of standing up to prevent the Drowsi∣ness; I hop'd might go off without it. Upon which (being dropt again a∣sleep) to my Apprehensions, some∣thing gave me a great Blow upon the Middle of my Back, which presently awaked me in a Fright, which I did really feel paining me some Minutes after I was awaken. I have purpos'd upon it, and hope (through Grace to perform it) to be always more watch∣ful for the future against such a Sin.

This brings to my Mind another Providence of like nature; My eldest Brother being to repeat a Lecture-Sermon one Night in my Father's Fa∣mily, I being then very young, (and not liking that Work) cry'd to go to Bed, and to have my Brother with me, in which (after some repulse) I was gratifi'd in my Desire: to our Cham∣ber we went, and into Bed I got, but

before I could drop asleep, I felt the bottom of the Bed-clothes lift up, where presently something pull'd me by the Toe, but nothing there was to be seen: this affrighted me exceeding∣ly; and though young, I could con∣clude it a Rebuke to me for hindring that pious Exercise of Repetition, and durst never do it after.

Some good Sayings of good Men, I find collected in my Diary, out of Sermons I have heard, viz.

1. THere's few (if any) whose Joys in a comfortable Communion with God, are not sometimes clouded with Sorrow.

2. Where the Minister's Work ends, there the Hearer's begins.

3. It shows but little Love to God in Duty, when we come with Unwil∣lingness, stay with Weariness, and go away with Gladness.

4. A Man may be fat in Gifts, yet lean in Grace.

5. In the want of all things, we may taste and see how sweet the Lord is.

6. It's comfortable Musick to hear the Bird in the Breast singing, what∣ever we suffer for it.

7. That Repentance is seldom true∣hearted that is gray-headed.

8. Let our Thirst to worldly things be cold to heavenly things inflamed.

9. It's easy for Men to fly from Du∣ty, but impossible to avoid their Ac∣count.

10. Accustom thy self to Duty, but do not Duties customarily.

11. Entertain none in your Houses, that shut God out of their Hearts.

12. Associate not your selves with those as Friends, that are God's Ene∣mies.

13. They cannot be true to Men, that are false to God.

14. Dare not to decline Duty, to preserve Liberty.

15. Let the present Day's Practice, be still the Mending of the past Day's Errors.

16. I fear my Duties more than my Sins; Duties lift me up, but my Sins humble me.

17. It's well if Rome's Reliques a∣mongst us, do not keep Possession for Popery.

18. Give not way to sleep any Night, till thou hast particularly in∣quired into thy Carriage the Day past.

19. Family-Passions cloud Faith, disturb Duty, and darken Comforts.

20. He never wants Comfort, that lives content.

21. That Man never wants his own Will, that makes God's Will his.

22. They need not drink of another's Bucket, that have the Fountain, nor use Stilts and Crutches, that have Spiritual Strength.

23. Let Parents and Governours, by their Examples endeavour to in∣fluence Children and Servants into a good Practice.

24. Sanctified Troubles are Tokens of special Love.

25. If your Houses be not Nurseries for Heaven, they'l be breeding Places for Hell.

26. Whatever Evil we would re∣prove in another, we must be doubly watchful against it our selves.

27. Early beginnings in Goodness makes an easy Death-Bed.

28. Put not that of to last, that can∣not be done too soon.

29. We have no more to live upon to Eternity than what we lay up in Time.

30. It's better to be reproached for being too soon, than damned for being too late, in Heaven's ways.

31. Good Families make good Churches; and good Education, good Families.

32. The contented Man is never poor, let him have never so little; and the discontented Man never rich, let him have never so much.

33. There are two Jubilees kept in Heaven, one at the Conversion of a Sinner on Earth, the other at his Glo∣rification in Heaven.

34. Bad Times to live in, are good Times to die in.

35. Afflictions are hard Meat, but Patience a good Digester.

36. The best Trial of our Spiritual Estate, is by the tenure of our Actions, not by this or that particular Action.

37. Though a sincere Christian will not overtake a Sin, yet the most sincere may be overtaken with a Sin.

38. Sad Conclusions might be drawn against eminent Saints, if some parti∣cular Actions were a Rule to judge by.

39. It's good to be as charitable to others, as ordinarily we are partial to our selves.

40. The best of Saints would never arrive at Assurance, if it did not con∣sist with many Imperfections.

41. A sanctified Cross hath more of Mercy in it, than an unsanctified Comfort.

42. The Company a Man keeps, is a Commentary upon his Life.

43. Persecuted Godliness, is far more eligible than prosperous Pro∣phaneness.

44. It's the very Nature of true Faith, to make future Things present.

45. It's very difficult for one to be angry and not sin, and very dangerous to sin in being angry.

46. It's good Scripture-Logick to draw Conclusions of Confidence from Premises of Experience.

47. The poorest in the World has more than he had when he came into the World, and more than he can

carry out, when he leaves the World.

48. Duties rested in, as well as Sins unrepented of, are dangerous.

49. If Mercy be not a Load-stone to draw us nearer to God, it will be a Mill-stone to sink us deeper into Hell.

50. It's sad to lose good Men in the best Times, but looks like a Judg∣ment to lose them in the worst.

The Surviving Advice of a De∣ceased Husband to a Surviving Wife: Or, a Call from the Dead to the Living.

Written January the 30th 168— and intended for my Dear Wife's Perusal, if it shall please the Lord She survive Me.

Note, [This was written some time before the Death of his former Wife.]

Dearest on Earth,

I Having of some late Months been imploy'd in setting not only my Heart, which I accounted my greatest Work, but my House in or∣der, which I judged likewise absolutely necessary in order to my great Change: I could not but leave a few Lines of Advice to thee my best Friend on

Earth, which whilst I live I hope to follow with my Prayers to the great God, and our heavenly Father, for his Blessing upon. This I was the ra∣ther induced to do now when through Mercy in perfect Health, that I might have no Worldly Affair unsetled to disturb and distract my Mind withal, when upon the very Confines of ano∣ther World, and lying upon a Sick-Bed, or Death-Bed, when I desire God may have all my Thoughts, and all my Time, and would fain be most serious and intent upon Soul-Concerns.

This little Treatise in three Parts (containing the most remarkable Pas∣sages of my Life that occurr'd to Me∣mory, and collected out of my Diary, written in Short-hand) as a last Lega∣cy, I heartily commend to thy peru∣sal, and other Friends that survive me: In it I have endeavoured impartially, to God's Glory, to give the darker Side of a vile Wretch on Earth, as well as the brighter—. I was long, thou seest, a Wanderer from God, and in a most bewildred Condition on that account. I knew not where to rest, till I anchor'd on the Rock of

Ages; had no true Peace, till, through Mercy, I clos'd with Christ the Prince of Peace: Conscience then often spoke when it was not heard, and flew in my Face, when my Study too much was, to check, stifle and hush it. I was then a Terror to my self, and perhaps to others about me; especially observing Christian Friends, who fain would, but then could not prevail with me to be serious, strict and good. I was too long, God knows, in the Gall of Bit∣terness, and in the Bonds of Iniquity; and O what rich Mercy was it I was not then taken from Earth, and thrown into Hell; that through Grace I did out-live the Years of a loose, carnal, freshly and unregenerate State. O, my Dear! I cannot express the Sor∣rows, the Terrors, the Heart-break and Trouble, that my youthful Follies cost me in Riper-years: My Closet was witness to something, and my God to more; but alas, all too little! if Free-Grace save me not, I must yet perish: but of this I nothing doubt, through the Merits and Mediation of my blessed Redeemer, to whom I hope in Heaven, to Eternity, to give the

Glory of what he has been pleased to give me the comfort of. The Lord has fully convinc'd me, that all my Prayers and Tears, my Searchings and Watchings, can nothing avail me without Christ: God shew'd me my lost and undone Condition, before I had thought of enquiring what I must do to be sav'd, or of looking out after a Saviour.—And this, through Mer∣cy, I can say, that I could never have truly a quiet Minute, till I was most sweetly perswaded, and powerfully enabled to close with Christ, as of∣fered in the Gospel. O Rich-Grace! Free-Grace! And now, Dear-heart, let me invite thee into the Embraces of blessed Jesus: Come, taste and try how good God is to returning Sinners. I believe thou hast: Well, be more and more in love with Christ, enter into Covenant with God, and frequently renew thy Covenant-Engagements, and labour to perform Covenant-Pro∣mises; never think thou can'st do e∣nough for that God thou expectest so much from; nay, indeed thy all, that can either make thee happy here, or to Eternity.

Some few Heads of Advice out of tender Love, both to thy Soul and Body, I leave with thee.

1. SEttle thy Temporal Affairs, and Wordly Concerns betimes, that upon a Death-bed thou maist not be distracted and diverted with them, from higher and more besitting Em∣ployment. I delay'd making my Will too long, which was no small Perplexi∣ty to my Mind, till the Year 1685, (when I did it.)

2. If thou can'st think me worthy thy Remembrance, forget not shewing some Kindness to such Relations and Friends of mine, who I need not name, being known to thee, who are Objects of Pity, and need thy Charity.

3. If thou do'st not incline to a Set∣tlement in Nottingham, in the House I leave thee for thy Life, then be with, or as near as may be some of thy Reli∣gious Friends, such as may be Helpers and Promoters, not Hinderers of thy eternal Welfare.

4. If the Lord should again incline thee to marry, dare not to join thy self

in that Relation to any that is not join'd to the Lord; marry one, I say, who in the judgment of the best of Friends, as well as thine own (which may in such a case deceive thee) do's truly fear God; nay, I would advise thee to marry one of a healthful, strong and sound Constitution, by whom if the Lord please, thou may'st have the Blessing of Children; for I have rea∣son to suppose, that some Weaknesses and Infirmities, whilst a Child and Young, might render me less capable in that respect.

5. If thou shouldest have Children, train them up in the fear of the Lord, help to fill Heaven with thy Off∣spring.

6. Having marry'd, own thy Hus∣band as thy Head, submit to the Duties of a Wife for the Lord's Sake; labour and pray for a meek and quiet frame of Spirit, which is in the sight of the Lord of great price.

7. Have some eye over, and in∣spection into the Behaviour and Con∣versations of those I were some-time intrusted as Guardian for; Jog and quicken Loyterers Heaven-wards;

mind them of their Education, Coun∣sels and Instructions, and how hopeful their Beginnings were; and especially, regard our Child and dear Niece Brain.

8. Be much in Reading and Study∣ing good Books; these I commend to thee especially, viz. The Holy Bible, with Pool's Annotations, Swinnock's One Cast for Eternity, Barrett's Christian Temper, Heywood's Heart-Treasure, Reyner's Precepts, Dunton's Heavenly Pastime, Case's God's waiting to be gra∣cious, Flavel's Fountain of Life, Bol∣ton's Tost Ship, R. Allen's Rebuke to Back-sliders, Janeway's Heaven upon Earth, Swinnock's Regeneration, Love on Heaven's Glory, &c. Flavel's Saint indeed, Steel of Ʋprightness, Calamy's Godly Man's Ark, Hooker's doubting Soul, &c. Hardcastle's Christian Geo∣graphy, Watson on Contentment, Mede's almost Christian, Doolittle on the Sacra∣ment, His Call to delaying Sinners; most of Bunyan's Works, very useful (if read without Prejudice.) These Books amongst others, I have had much Re∣freshment from, and heartily commend them to thee.

9. Do all thou dost, either in Reli∣gious or Civil Actions, with an eye at Eternity; thus pray and hear, and read and meditate, and converse and engage in all secular Affairs, and dis∣charge all relative Duties with an eye at Eternity, and this will help to make thee very serious and strict.

10. Spend thy Week-days well, in the discharge of Duties publick and private; keep an exact Diary of any sinful Miscarriages, and be humbled e∣very Evening for them; take notice of God's Mercies every day, and labour to have thy Heart sutably affected with the Lord's Goodness; observe and pen down God's Dealings with thee, and thy Carriage and Behaviour towards God; this the Lord has enabled me to practise with good Success.

11. Esteem of Sabhath-Days, as the best of Days; these are the Market-Days of thy Soul; make good Provi∣sion on them for it, hear the Word, meditate on it, digest and practise it; neglect no Duties of the Day in pri∣vate, but most highly value Publick-Assemblies, God being by them most honoured.

12. Redeem Time; I can from my own Experience tell thee, a Review in Riper-years of lost Time in Youth, will prove sad, and cost dear; and be assured, that Time's lost, that's spent either in Eating, Drinking, Sleeping, Visiting or Sportings, more than Ne∣cessity requires.

13. If the Lord should again make thee Head of a Family, and bless thee with Children, as well as Servants, take care of their Souls, train them up for God, and let thy House be a Nursery for Heaven; take an account every Week of their Proficiency in Spiritu∣als: and always esteem of those Chil∣dren and Servants most, that love, fear, and serve God best. Travel in Birth to see Christ formed in thine; and know that if any go from thy House to Hell, through thy neglect, their Souls will be required at thy Hands.

14. Make Religion thy Business, and always account the serving of God and the saving thy Soul, to be the greatest Work thou art sent into the World about, and continued in the World for; give not Christ the World's leav∣ings,

much rather let the World have his.

15. Get right and well-grounded Evidences for Heaven: O lay not a Sandy Foundation for the Building that's to stand to Eternity 〈…〉〈…〉 some Evi∣dences for Heaven thou'lt find in the first part of this Treatise, others in Rogers's Evidences for Heaven. Examine thy State often, and impartially, and never be satisfied till the Interest be∣twixt Christ and thy Soul be compleat∣ed and cleared up.

16. Sit loose from the World, and seek not great things for thy self here. My Circumstances in the World be such, that I cannot leave thee much more than what was setled upon Mar∣riage; but all I could, I have: and a little with the Lord's Blessing, is better than the great Revenues of many Wicked. Make sure of an Estate in Heaven; live much upon Invisibles: choose Christ for a Portion, and thou art made for ever.

17. Be content with thy Condition here, whatever 'tis, and expect Suffer∣ings. A Christian's Life here is militant. If thou continue to keep thy Face Hea∣venwards,

(which I trust thou wilt) then may the Devil, the World, and the Flesh be frequently sallying out a∣gainst thee: But O pray that thy Faith fail not, and that God's Grace may be sufficient for thee.

18. Labour to persevere in the good Ways of God: maintain thine Inte∣grity, and hold out unto the end, whatever it cost thee. Be a Follower of those, who through Faith and Pa∣tience inherit the Promises (or Things promised): All thy Bitters here will serve to make Heaven more sweet to thee; and being Faithful unto Death, Christ will give thee a Crown of Life.

19. Get off from thine own Bottom; place no Confidence in the Flesh; look off from thine own Righteousness, thine own Duties, thine own Services, when thou doest the best, in point of Justification; and depend and rest on∣ly on Christ, upon whose account a∣lone thou canst be accepted and saved: It's Christ's Righteousness alone impu∣ted to thee for Justification, and im∣parted to thee for thy Sanctification, that can, or will, bestead thee.

20. Be rich in good Works, and go about doing Good; hold on thy Cha∣ritable way of doing Good to Bodies, but especially befriend poor Souls. Be always as kind as thy Circumstances will allow, to those worthy good Mi∣nisters of the Gospel, thou and I were always beholden to, and I am perswa∣ded shall be blessing God for, as Instru∣ments in his Hand of our Good to Eternity.

21. Allow thy self in no Sin; for the least Sin loved and allowed is cer∣tainly damning. When God has at any time convinced thee of a Sin, and Conscience has flown in thy Face, and thou art full of Terrour; go to God, down upon thy Knees, and beg par∣doning Grace and Mercy; leave him not till thou hast obtained that Bles∣sing; and always have a care of Re∣lapses: for though we find a David, and Lot, and others of the dear Ser∣vants of God recorded in Scripture, guilty of some great Miscarriages; yet we find them sorely broken for those Things, and humbled, and not re∣peating and relapsing again into them.

22. Prepare for Eternity; get and keep Oil in thy Lamp, that it be not to buy when thy Lamp should be found burning; put on thy Wedding-Gar∣ments, and be prepared, &c.

23. Mourn not for me excessively; I am gone, but thy God and my God stays with thee, and I trust will guide thee by his Counsel, till he conduct thee to his Glory. I am dead, but God lives; thou hast no Husband on Earth, what then? If thy Maker be but thy Husband, thou hast cause e∣nough to rejoice. What though they that have seen me, shall in this World see me no more? This is my Comfort, let it be thine; he does see me, that has seen (though my weak, yet) my sincere Yernings and Groanings after him; he sees me, that will never say I know you not, being a God that will not forget Covenant; he sees me, who has seen my Soul in Travel, and those Pangs of Desite after him, that no others have. O'couldst thou but hear what I confidently hope, (through the Morits and Mediation of my dear Re∣deemer) I shall, before thou ••••est this Paper, my God in the Riches of

his Mercy, saying to this effect, Yon∣der's poor such a one come to my Gate, let him in▪ he chose me for a Portion whilst on Earth, and gave himself ac∣cording to his weak Measures up to me, I will in no wise cast him off. Surely this would abate thy Sorrows; surely then thou wouldst not wish me so Ill as to be on Earth again: well, live in the Faith of this, and walk comfortably with thy God.

God has made thee indeed, whilst on Earth, to me the greatest outward blessing that ever I enjoyed: O let me not want thy Company in Heaven. And now my Dearest on Earth, I com∣mit thee to the keeping and Mercy of the Great Jehovah. I resign thee to that God who is thy Maker, and thy Husband, serve him, and thy Genera∣tion according to his Will here, that thou mayest sleep in Jesus, and be found in him.

Gervase Disney.

POST-SCRIPT: OR, A Continuation of the most Remar∣kable Passages of my LIFE, since the other, the last of June, 1686.

SINCE my last particular View of my Diary, design'd in the Treatise of my Life, I find my up's and down's, and that I am but a poor, vile and weak Creature, unable of my self to answer by a holy and humble Carriage the Lord's great Goodness to me, in late signal Delive∣rances out of Trouble, and that upon better Terms than I could expect. I was now no sooner at ease and rest, thrô the Lord's Mercy, and at liber∣ty, than I grew secure, and begun to be too regardless of Soul-Concerns. I too little remembred and considered Promises made when under Affliction,

and neglected too much to pay those Vows. My Circumstances when in Trouble, were a Snare to me in some Particulars.

In my Diary, the 19th of September 1685, I find my self blessing God for his Protection and Care of me in my Journey and Exile, for the Friendship of Relations at Norwell and Southwell. I am there begging pardon for sinful Compliances; as in sitting late in an Ale-house in Southwell, where the Com∣pany were Healthing it about, though blessed be the Lord, I drank not much; yet I was a bad Example, in sitting and sipping with the Wicked, in wasting my precious Time; my Prayer there∣fore is, that the Lord would pardon that and continue Mercies, and give me a thankful Heart in, and a lively sense of Divine Goodness.

The 20th, being the Sabbath-day, through Mercy, I find my self in a pretty good Frame of Spirit, and took particular notice in my Diary of Mr. Coats's Subject, which was, Come un∣to me all ye that labour, &c. I there find a Desire that the Lord would work those Truths more and more

upon my Heart by his Spirit, that my Sins may be pardoned and my Soul prosper.

The 21st, Under some Dulness, oc∣casioned by slavish fear of Man, which I find bewail'd that Day, with this Pe∣tition, That the Lord would enable me to live by Faith, and that I might encourage my self in the Lord my God under all outward Discouragements whatsoever, who has delivered me, does deliver, and I trust will deliver me, his poor Creature. O! that my Sins may not provoke the Lord to turn away his Face!

The 23d. Having this Day been stating Accounts with my Wife and several others, with reference to Dis∣bursements the three Months in the Summer of my Exile, and Troubles in the Year 85; though I find them extraordinary large, yet, thrô Grace, I find my self free from those Passions, that upon such Accounts, I used to be prone to: my experience again there recorded of God's gracious Appea∣rances for me.

26th. Mercy there again taken▪ no∣tice of, in the Lord's delivering me

from Trouble; and a Petition, That if it were the Lord's Will, I might be preserved from entering into Bonds, which I and all my Friends did believe would be very ens••••ring to me; there I find Sin bewailed, and lay heavy up∣on my Conscience.

27th. Manifestations made of Deli∣verance still from danger; I there bless God I am still at liberty, and hear nothing from the D. of N. of entering into those Bonds he required; I then heard of Dr. Temple's Execution, and took notice of distinguishing Mercy, that he should be taken and I left, who through Man's Rage and Wrath was in danger: I there bless God I was not the Man.

27th. I took notice of the many comfortable Sabbaths that I have en∣joyed since I came home, without Fear or Disturbance: Cousin Billingsley preached here from these Words, Commune with your own Hearts; which much affected me.

28th. A like Account as to Mercy, and I remember no actual Sin that Day.

29th. The like Account with—my Experience, that God had blessed

the means I had used for the cure of a Cold that held me.

8th of October 1685; This day I re∣turned from Lincoln, where I had been some time, and took notice the Lord gave me a very comfortable Journey, no sad Providence occurred in the Journey. I am yet delivered from E∣nemies, notwithstanding their Rage and Threatning, and from the en∣snaring Bonds: I begg'd then of the Lord, That he would continue this Mercy, and give me to live a thank∣ful, holy, humble and fruitful Life, and pardon the particular Sins of this Day, and help me against it, and to perform Promises made under my Af∣flictions.

9th. I there bless God for the Mer∣cies of that Day, and beg pardon for my Sins, and that the Lord will cause me to live better the next Day.

10th. My Sins stare me in the Face, being many and great; there I find my self begging that I might eye the Blood of Christ, and might, through Grace, be interested in it, being the only Sovereign Remedy for a poor Sinner; yet I am preserved from ensharing

Bonds; and enjoy (through Mercy) comfortable Liberty, and sit under my own Vine with delight.

11th. This I find a comfortable Sab∣bath, when Mr. Coats did most sweet∣ly call, invite and encourage Sinners to come to Christ: O! that I may not stand out; the Lord bless the Sermon to my poor Soul, and pardon my Sins.

12th. No actual Sin that I know of. I this Day begg'd Direction from Hea∣ven about the Oath of Allegiance I and others in my Family were called to take; and next day I did take it, having observed no Intimations from the Lord against it, but being well satis∣fied about it; besides, I feared if I re∣fused, it would be worse with us upon the account of our Meetings, which I did desire to keep up. I beg the Lord would enable me to keep the Oath, being taken, as a sacred Thing. I am yet at liberty, and free from ensnaring Bonds.

15th. I that Day begg'd the Lord would humble me under any thing of Sin that might be in my Swearing, and taking the Oath the Day before.

16th. This Day Mr. H. acquainted me that one did say, That the Lord—would lie heavy upon me; that I was to give a Security by Bond of 7000 l. which would ask a great time for me to get, and that I was only Capt. L's Prisoner at large: Well, I find this hint in my Diary that Day, That I can trust my God who has delivered me, and that he will deliver me still from the Fury and Rage of Men, and the Effects thereof.

17th. This Day I had an encourag∣ing Letter from V. L. as if the Duke had done with me; which I begg'd then the Lord would grant, and enable me to live up to so great a Mercy. For several other days after, I am blessing God for the comfortable and quiet abode in my House, and petiti∣on'd that the Lord would keep me from sinning away such Mercies.

20th. Wasting Time the great Sin acknowledged this Day, and a Petition that the Lord would please to make me more active and diligent in Soul∣concerns every Day, as being every Day nearer Death.

22d. This Day, I observe from Joh. 7. 44. (in my reading) this Pas∣sage, Some of them would have taken him; but no Man laid Hands on him: Upon which Mr. Baxter has this Note, God binders bad Men from doing what they would do, and they know not how he doth it. I have had great Experience of this my self, the Lord be praised.

25th. This Day God made a very comfortable Sabbath to me, and I trust will do my Soul good by it, and set home another Sermon I then heard from Mr. Cotes, concerning the Ease of Christ's Yoke. I am yet through Mercy continued in my Family in Peace and Safety, enjoy distinguishing Mercy and Love; God help me to make a right use of it, and still restrain Men that they do not hurt me; and enable me to give thee the Glory of that Mer∣cy thou pleasest to give me the Com∣fort of.

26th. This Day I was at Cos. R's Funeral; the Lord prepare me for my Change: I came from thence over a dangerous way in Safety.

27th. God has this Day preserved me: I am out of Hell; I am out of a

Prison; I am not, as lately, flying be∣fore pursuing Enemies, nor absenting my self for Security from my own House; I am not made a Prey to Ene∣mies, but the Lord has dealt bounti∣fully with me; What shall I render un∣to the Lord?

Some following Days after, I took notice of sinful Thoughts, idle Words, unbecoming Actions, and of the Lord's Goodness in sparing Mercy.

Nov. 7. 1685. I bless God then for returning me in Safety from my York∣shire Journey; and that I saw my Friends with Comfort, and found all well at my return home; then I peti∣tioned the Lord to continue Enjoy∣ments to me and mine.

8th. This, God made a comfortable Sabbath; Mr. Coats preached excel∣lently from this Text, Remember now thy Creator, &c. the Lord do me and all that heard him good, by his blessing upon that Ordinance, and pardon Sin; the Morning as soon as I awakened, I was full of projecting, carnal, me∣lancholy Thoughts, O, sad Thoughts for a Sabbath-Day! God seal a Par∣don to me.

10th. This Evening, being Tuesday, by 7 of the Clock, I set apart some Hours for Humiliation, that Night, with the help of Mr. B. Mr. C. &c. and a∣bout half an hour after 12 a Clock, I ended in that Work in my Closet; the Sins I bewailed, particularly, was; my not keeping Covenant and Promise with my God; Passion with my Wife, Pride, Slightness in Duties, especially Closet-Duties, &c.

15th. I enjoy'd a most comfortable Sabbath by Mr. Coats's Help, who preach'd from these words, Remember now thy Creator, &c. and this Passage I took particular notice of, That where Youth has been devoted to God, re∣views of it in old Age, when Persons are less capacitated for Duty-Frames, will afford sweet Comfort and Re∣freshing.

22d. This a comfortable Sabbath; God bless it to me; Mr. Cl. preach'd from these words; Ps. 67.—That God, even our own God, shall bless us. The Doct. was, —It's a most desirable thing for People to have a God of their own: These Marks he laid down, which I de∣sire often to peruse and examine my

self by, by which I may know whe∣ther God be my God or no.

1. If I have a God of my own, I get what Knowledg I can of my God.

2. I get what Love I can to my God.

3. I would be loth to do that which this my God may take ill.

4. I would then serve no God but my own God, and never fall down to Graven-Images.

5. I would take nothing ill from my own God.

6. I would love to think of him.

7. I would love to be speaking of him.

8. I could love to have my own God well spoken of.

9. I would often send to him and hear from him.

10. I desire nothing more than while i'm absent from him, that this God would visit me by his Spirit.

11. I would not live always here, but die to go to this my own God, and to be with him for ever▪ And these are the earnest Requests of my Soul.

Several Days together I find a com∣fortable Account both as to freedom from Sins, and great Mercies.

But on the 28th, I find Relapses in∣to Sin, and that which aggravates it much, is, I was just writing the Ac∣count of my Life. And O what a Mercy it is God has given me not only space for, but the Grace of Repentence.

Decemb. 12. Hitherto much the like Account; the Lord has preserved my Liberty beyond expectation, and pre∣vented my entring into ensnaring Bonds.

14th. I took notice of Mercy shew'd my Wife, in delivering her from most acute Pains in the Tooth-Ac••.

Jan. 2. ••••8••. I this Day returned from a great Journey▪ in which the Lord wonderfully succeded me in all my Affairs, and preserv'd me from all Dange•…•… I experienc'd Mercy in the kind Reception the D. of N. gave me on Monday to his House▪ whither I went to return him Thanks for his Civility to me. He told me, I came to him on a very proper Day, (being In∣nocents-Day) for that he believed I was so in the Matters laid to my

charge, and that he had now done with me; and should, as Opportunity offer'd, readily serve me in any thing. He desired me to be kind to my Uncle L, who had taken great pains on my behalf. I gave him thereupon—o∣ver and above other Kindness before. Here's now a return to Prayer; God help me to improve so great Mercy.

Passages a little before the Death of my Dear Wife, and about her Sickness and Death.

May 13, 1686. I met with Stops as to my London Journey, by Business, and my Dear Wife's Illness; for this very Day in the Morning she was ev'n spent with a Conghing-Fit: I was cal∣led from Prayer in my Family, found her very Ill; but, blessed be God, soon grew better, and told me, I bless God▪ I am now pretty well. Now I was earnest with the Lord that he would enable me to observe the Hints of Providence, in my being stopt several times, and my way to London as it were hedged up.

May 17, 1686. I set forward for London, notwithstanding the Cross Providences I met with; a great Change in the Weather divers times; a Cold that I had upon me; a grie∣vous Fit of the Asthma my dear Wife had, insomuch as I plainly observ'd Providence against me, as to that Jour∣ney at that time: but notwithstand∣ing, upon Encouragement from my Wife, that if I must needs go this Summer, (which she rather desired I would not, because of Souldiers be∣ing much upon the Road, going to the Camp) I had as good go now as any other time; I did set forward, and part with my dear Wife this Day, but never saw her more. The Lord knows my Carriage at London was too light and vain. I wonder'd I heard nothing from Ollercarr; waited a Fortnight for Letters, and did my self write seve∣ral; but through their miscarriage, and as the Lord pleased to order it, I received four all of a day, most of which brought me the sad Tidings of my dear Wife's Death, which was aggravated greatly in that I had not heard of her Illness till I heard of her

Death; and all came in Letters to me at London; at which time, I had one under my Wife's Hand to acquaint me with her late Illness, but that, bles∣sed be God, she was better: an Ac∣count of which here follows, after I have given first an Account of mine, just sending to the Post directed to her, at that very instant, when I re∣ceived this that follows.

A Copy of my Letter (the Last I e∣ver writ, or must write) to my Dear Wife, now (I trust) with God.

My Dearest,

I Am in great expectation of Nanny's coming up to London, according to the Desire of my last; which Business now only stays me in Town. Thou canst not imagine how much I am con∣cerned at thy silence, or at least, thy Letters Miscarriage; I having not re∣ceived one Letter from thee since I left thee; (this being, I think, the

fourth that I have sent.) Through Mercy, I am in good Health, and am hourly waiting for like Tidings from thee (if the Lord please.) I make Madam L's House my Home, who treats me with much Kindness and Ci∣vility; and I hope the same, as to the best things, that ever thee was. I pray thee give my hearty Tenders to all our good Friends, and accept the ten∣derest Affections from

Thy G. Disney.

Let me receive thy farther Com∣mands while in Town.

Now comes the Copy of the Letters I received, which, like Job's Messengers, came with Tidings sadder and sadder. O, surely, surely! I have more than ordinarily provoked a good God, who writes bitter things now against me.

A Copy of my Wife's Letter to me at London, dated 5 Days before her Death, being May 24, 86.

My Dear,

I Received thine to day with a great deal of Joy, but especially rejoiced to hear of thy Health; I wish I could send thee the same good News of my self: Since thou left me, it has pleased God my Distemper did again return on me, so that I was forced to send for Mr. Garner, and by his Advice, and other Friends about me, Dr. Horsman. It troubles me to think I should put thee to so great Charge, but I know thou wilt think it well bestow'd. I bless God I am much better than I have been, and now live in hopes to see thee again; it was a great Trouble to me thou wert so far off: On Wednesday Night going to Bed, I was seized with a Pain in my right Arm, and so struck into my Side, which was very trouble∣some to me all that Night, but it is well gone off: My Stoppage by Fits,

is yet very troublesome, but not so ill as it was: I need not pray thee hast home; if I should be worse, thou shalt not fail to hear next Post. My Dear, dear Love to thee, is all, but that I am,

Thy Loving Wife, R. D.

A Copy of a Letter from Mr. Coats, May 29, 1686. the Day of my Dear Wife's Death, but before she died.

Honoured and Dear Sir,

YOU have by this time, I suppose, received a Letter from Madam Dis∣ney's own Hand, which I know would be more welcome than this from me. I presume she gave you an account how it was with her then▪ and as she told me, promis'd you that in case she was worse, you should hear by the next Post: We were much revived

with the sensible Change we saw in her for the better; and Madam Slack and Madam Spateman, who have both been here, left her on Tuesday in great hopes of Recovery: but yesterday Morning her Distemper returned a∣gain, and yesterday she was worse: the Doctor by a good Providence, as we may call it, was detain'd here lon∣ger than he designed, and seeing her now so weak, will not as yet leave her: I do believe he is a little doubtful of her Recovery; but, Dear Sir, cast her upon the Care and Skill of the great Physician, who is able to raise her from the Dust of Death. We desire you would hasten down with what speed you can, and it may please the Lord you may see her yet in the Land of the Living. She has had little Rest to Night, till about 4 a Clock this Morn∣ing, and is now slumbring; the great God, in whose Hands her Life and Breath is, still spare her to you and us; however, help you silently to submit to his holy Will and Pleasure. Many Remembrances here are of Friends to you, greatly longing for your speedy and safe Return; the Lord hear Prayer

on her behalf, and prevent what we fear. The All-sufficient God be your Protector, Comforter and Guide. This with my humble Service and Respects to your self, must conclude these Lines from, Sir,

Your much obliged Friend, and Servant in the Lord, Sam. Coats.

A Copy of Mr. Coats's Second Let∣ter, the same Day, giving ac∣count of the sad Tydings of my Dear Wife's Death.

Dear Sir,

WIth a trembling Hand and Heart I now set Pen to Paper; I writ to you this Morning, to give you account how Ill your Dear Lady and my very Dear Friend was; but now

the great Physician has wrought a per∣fect Cure upon her, by taking her to himself, out of a miserable sinful World: I do know the Stroke will lie heaviest upon you, that God has taken away the Delight of your Eyes with a Stroke; but there are divers others will feel much of it too. Here is a poor sad Family indeed; and your absence at such a distance, makes it much sadder; the Mighty God be your Support under so severe a Stroke of his Hand, and sanctify it to you all. It is our Loss, but her Gain; she is I know at rest: but where her Joy be∣gins, there begins likewise your and our Sorrow. Yet, Dear Sir, sorrow not as them that have no hope, for her who now sleeps in the Bosom of her dear Lord Jesus. I am satisfied nothing was wanting to her that the Doctor could do; but the Great God had a better Place, and better Company, and better Employment for her, than a vain World could afford. We are afraid the Post will be gone before this Letter reach Nottingham, and must therefore conclude; begging of God to support you under so sad a Stroke;

and make up your and our Loss in a Covenant-Interest in himself. I am,

Your affectionate, but sorrowful Friend and Servant, Sam. Coats.

These Letters coming all together, were very surprising to me; at the sight of them, I felt a trouble in my Mind, though I had before longingly waited for Tidings from my Dear Wife, whose Illness I then knew no∣thing of: I feared to open them, took them up and laid them down several times before I broke them open, which being at last opened, I was overwhel∣med with Grief and Sorrow at the Ti∣dings, being unable to contain my self within due Bounds; my Man not knowing the meaning of it, nor I able to tell him, asked me again and again how all was, and particularly whether his Mistress was well; I at last told him she was; for she was got to Heaven, but I was miserable: I then went to Ma∣dam L. who was a hearty sympathizer

with me in my Trouble; did much re∣fresh me, and shewed indeed a great deal of Sorrow and Concern beyond Expression. That Night I went not to Bed; next Morning by 6 a Clock set forward for the Country; that Jour∣ney being the saddest that ever I took in my Life. I got to Leicester on Tues∣day Night, and there met Dr. H. by sending for him, who gave me then some of many of the comfortable Passa∣ges of my Dear Wife's last Hours; that she had one grievous Fit, after I was gone to London, but through Mercy was well recovered; that she fell into a Relapse, and was then under discou∣raging Symptoms; that she much desi∣red to see me, and asked the Doctor, whether he could not give her one Word of Comfort that she might live to see me? he told her he could tell her in the Morning: but her weak∣ness, by Asthma and Feaver, increa∣sing, and prevailing upon her; she had some Disturbance, by Temptations from Satan that grand Adversary of Souls, to question her right to Happi∣ness, &c. and whether God would accept so vile a Wretch. Yet blessed

be the Lord, through Faith and Prayer, and the never-failing Mercies of a Good God, she got over all, baffled Satan, and was filled with unspeakable Joy in the Holy Ghost. The Doctor prayed with her, and afterward she her self prayed a considerable time, distinctly and aloud; and for her then Comfort and Support, many Passages of Sermons she had heard, especially some from Mr. Coates, on that Text, Come unto me all ye that labour, &c. came fresh in her Memory, which the Lord helped her to improve to the great Comfort and Refreshment of her Soul: She was now full of Heavenly Thoughts, and from the abundance of her Heart, her Mouth was now speak∣ing, &c. She uttered nothing but what was savoury, religious and seri∣ous; and being spent by great Weak∣ness, went triumphantly to Heaven, upon the 29th of May, 1686. The Doctor told me it was the comforta∣blest Night that ever he enjoyed in all his Life.

Here at Leicester worthy Mr. Clarke, the Nonconformist, waited my coming, that he might accompany me to Oller∣carr,

which he did; and the Lord made him mighty useful, by his Chri∣stian advice to me.

June 3. I got home, where I found a most sad and disconsolate Family; I that needed others to comfort me, was fain to be their Comforter.

June 5, 1686. This Day my Diary manifests that I was grown more calm under the Lord's mighty Hand, and the loss of a Dearest Wife; but yet too full of miserable Complaints, and quarrelling Thoughts against my Ma∣ker: the Lord forgive me, and com∣pose me for the Duties of the Sabbath following.

June 6. This Day was a very com∣fortable Sabbath with reference to my Enjoyments; but the want of my Dear Wife, occasioned Floods of Tears and violent Passions; the Lord pardon my tumultuous Thoughts, and in the Mul∣titude of my Thoughts within me, let his Comforts more refresh my Spirit.

June 7. This Day my Dear Wife was Interr'd at Crich, where (if the Lord please so to order it) I desire and intend to lie by her; the Lord pardon Sins while I had her, and such

as I have been most guilty of since I parted with her.

June 8. This Day, through Mercy, not much quarrelling with the Lord's Dispensations; more calm than I was. O that I could be dumb with Silence, and not open my Mouth in a fretting and repining way, because the Lord has done what's done unto me; the Lord sanctify this sad Breach upon me to my Soul's Good. May I remember my Sins that have provoked God, and be humbled for them, and return to the Lord that smiteth.

June 9. This Day I find my Heart better fitted and framed to bear this sad Stroke.

This Day was preach'd by Mr. Coats, my Dear Wife's Funeral-Ser∣mon, from these words, 1 Thess. 4. 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant, Brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. Passion in the Sermon I was guilty of, when in the Common∣datory Part, he was shewing what a Wife she was; the Lord pardon my unbecoming Carriage to her.

Several days after, I gave account of the Lord's quieting my Mind under the sad Loss sustain'd.

June 20. This was a very comforta∣ble Sabbath, and the Lord gave me great Delight under the Droppings of the Sanctuary. Mr. Coats preach'd from these words, Hear the Rod, and who hath appointed it: O! I would fain make application to my self. O that I could hear the Voice of this sad Providence, and take out the Les∣sons of this Rod! O that I may carry my self like a Christian under this mighty Hand of God! I have cause to fear I did not improve Last-Sum∣mer's Mercies as I ought, and God has made this a much more uncom∣fortable Summer. O that, as ever I desire the Lord should not go on in this way, I may better improve this Dispensation.

Several Letters I receiv'd from Friends, heartily sympathizing with me in my Trouble; take the Copies of some of them, as follows.

A Letter from Mr. J. R. dated June 4, 1686.

Dear Sir,

BY a Letter I received Yesterday from Mr. Coats, I perceive the Let∣ters I sent you in Town, on Monday Night, were like Job's Messengers; one bringing you sad, the other sadder News; but I hope you receiv'd the News with Job's Temper or mind, viz. The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away, blessed be the Name of the Lord; and God hath taken away the Delight of your Eyes, and removed her out of sight, she is in a state of Rest, and you must behold her no more among the Inhabitants of the World; this must needs be a pressing Affliction, to lose so near, so dear, and so pious a Companion; and that which aggravates the Affliction, is, that she was taken away in your Absence, so suddenly and so unexpectedly. But, Dear Sir, though God has crost your Will herein, yet I hope a Tumult doth not arise, your Passions and Affections

are not in an uproar. Why shall not God take away his own, in his own time, way and manner? But, Sir, I am not to teach you; God has rarely quali∣fied you with the Graces of his Holy Spirit, so that you know how to re∣ceive, and how to resign a Mercy; you know how to add to Faith, Pa∣tience, as you lately heard. There is an animal Life of a Soul void of Grace, accommodating it self to the Interests of the Flesh, to all such things as are grateful to Sense; but then there is a Spiritual Life, which is a Principle enabling a Soul to bear up when God takes away our greatest Comforts; such a Principle there is in you. All I have to do, is to sympathize with you, and to pray that God would afford you more of the Assistances of his Holy Spirit, that you may exert that Prin∣ciple now at this time under this Loss. The truth is, 'tis one of the most lovely Sights in the World, to see a Christian acting Faith, Patience, Hu∣mility, Submission, Resignation, &c. in times of Affliction; this makes the World say, that there is something more in Religion than Talk: but as I

said, I am not to teach you. You have the teachings of the Spirit, which will enable you to improve this Loss to better Gains. The Lord sit us all for our last and great Change; and in the midst of our private Losses, let's remember the Afflictions of Sion, now sitting in the Dust. So prays

Your Sympathizing Friend, and Humble Servant, J. R.

I hope you will return up again af∣ter some Days; I think it will be con∣venient to divert your self with your Friends here, some time, after you have performed the last Office of Love to your Yoak-Fellow, &c.

A Copy of a Letter from Cos. M. S. dated June 17, 1686.

Dear Sir,

THis Letter should have reached you before this time, and had done so but for some intervening Oc∣currences:

I was surprized with the report of your Deceased Consort, of whose so speedy Removal hence, there was to you and me (when last together) so little Intimation or Presage. But Flesh is Grass, though Souls be preci∣ous and invaluable; and God knows what he does, and why; he is no ways obliged to let us know what is in the Womb of his Providence, till the Birth be produced; we live to die, and die that we may better know what it is to live; and then best know what it is to be, when gone to God. I hope you know how to comport with Provi∣dence, and to be silent and submissive, and satisfied in the great Arbiter of all things. Infinite Wisdom hath contri∣ved Dispensations into the exactest Order; and he who worketh all things after the Counsel of his own Will, called her home at the right time. Did you and I see the beautiful Systems of providential Dispensations, we should both sind, and yield, that longer had been too long for her that is gone, to live, and sooner had been too soon to die. What occurs in 2 Cor. 7. 29, 31. equally concerns both you and me,

though as yet under different Dispen∣sations: You must be as if you had not lost a Wife, and I as if I had no Wife; Time is short, and Life, and relative Comforts are transient and fluid Things; therefore your Sorrows must be moderate for your Loss, and my Joys must be as if they were not, see∣ing we and ours are to follow, and part, and pass away in our Courses.

All the Occurrences of our little Time, even boldly challenge from us the Spirit and Posture of preparedness to resign our All to God. Methinks we are dying whilst we live; parting while and when we seem to meet; and Providence rings Changes all the while that we are passing to our Graves. No one's too good to die, too needful to us to be taken from us; or too much endeared or tied to us, to be divorced from us. But O! what wonderful Things has Christianity laid in, to at∣temper us to the Divine Will, to com∣pose us under, and to better us by, even the sharpest Dispensations that can betide us here! There are Ties not to be loosed, Relations that know not what it is to die, Treasures not to

be impaired, Regions above so well in∣habited, so richly stored, so wisely ordered, so freely promised, so well insured to us, and such care taken a∣bout our fitness for them, and season∣able and effectual translation thither under all accents of Solemnity and Triumph, as that we greatly shame and wrong Religion and our selves, if we prove sullen o•• despondent. When God takes from us our dearest Relati∣ons here below, all are satisfied, or should be so; but all look not through and beyond the Grave; one glance of Things beyond the Vail, though stol∣len or got by Faith, will easily counsel a Christian that under his greatest Pressures and Sequestrations here▪ 'tis through himself, and his great Fault, if his Joys do not surmount and swal∣low up his Griefs. But▪ Worthy Cousin, I much forget my self, I hope for charitable Constructions of these bold Essays: Sympathy and Gratitude, and a Concern for you, make me trans∣gress the Bounds of Modesty. Had but my Head and Heart the Happiness of being botter furnished, my Pen might then afford you more profitable and

delightful▪ Entertainment; but though I am neither Eloquent nor Witty, yet Dear Sir, believe me to be heartily,

Yours in Christ's Bonds, M. S.

A Copy of a Letter from my Bro∣ther H. June 5, 1686.

Dear Brother,

I Am truly afflicted with your Assli∣ction, do beg God would make up that great Brea••h, by clearing up your Union with himself, which is indissolv∣able. Your comfortable Consort is laid up from the Evils we may be reserved for, and is freed from Sin; the Lord stay your Heart, and bring you into a true Subjection to his Will. I have long desired to see you together, but hitherto have been letted, and am now▪ so that I can∣not

perform what is in my Heart to have done: Therefore do hope you will excuse me, who am,

Dear Brother,

Your sympathizing affectionate Brother, I. H.

My Wife gives her affectionate Service to you.

A Copy of a Letter from Madam L.

Ever Honoured Sir,

I Cannot possibly write my trouble for the Death of your Dear Lady, and my most intirely Beloved Friend; it's a cutting Stroak indeed, yet must be quietly born, coming from the Hand that always acts wisely and graciously for holy Purposes and Ends. Certainly the great God afflicts not for his own Pleasure, but our Advantage, either to expel Sin, destructive to the Soul; or encrease Graces, the Life, Health, and Prosperity of a Soul. And, Dear Sir, I question not your endeavour to

know the Errand, and to pursue the Ends of this sudden and sad Dispensa∣tion; the Lord sanctify it to us all, that as we have certainly lost one way, we may gain Benefit another way, and learn to place our Happiness in him, that will never leave nor forsake his; there true Contentment and Felicity is to be found, and no where else. I am yet as you left me, but every Hour in expectation of a time of Trial. I beg your Prayers for Submission, Faith and Courage to go through that Work that my Heavenly Father shall put me to; may I but have his Presence and Assistance, and then I can pass sweetly through the Shades of Death: I am wonderfully satisfied in the comfort∣able Death of my Dear Friend, and shall prize whatever dropt from her Mouth, &c.

Well, since it has pleased the Lord to remove from me a Dear Wife, and Bosom-Friend, and Companion; the desire of my Soul is to consider the Errand of such a Dispensation, to hear the Voice of this Rod, and know who hath appointed it. It may be this

Stroke may be upon these, or some of these Grounds.

1. It may be I was too fond of that Creature-comfort the Lord took from me; for though by my wicked De∣portments, such Fondness could not always be observed, yet I had an en∣tire love for her, and could seldom bear any absence from her.

2. It may be I did not improve such a Mercy as I ought, whilst I had it; did not enough give God the Glory of a Mercy he had given me so much Comfort in.

3. It may be I have been too insensi∣ble of the Miseries of Sin, and there∣fore the Lord has brought this Misery upon me, that being afflicted my self, I might better know and learn how to comfort others in their Straits, and sympathize with them in their Affli∣ctions.

4. Lesser Troubles, as that the last Summer, and others, have not it may be done that Work upon me God intended them for; and therefore the Lord sees cause to add this great Af∣fliction, of stripping me of the best Creature-Comfort I ever enjoyed.

5. My Carriage to her was too high and peevish, apprehending her too little submissive to me as a Husband, and too ready to invade the Authority I thought my self to have a Right to; here I might mistake, but however by it see abundance of Pride and Corrup∣tion in my Nature, the Good Lord humble me for that.

6. My not discharging, it may be, all Marriage-Duties as I ought, might provoke the Lord.

7. It may be I have done this, in cumbring my self with so much world∣ly Business in bad times, and when I had no need. Now the Lord seems to knock me off from such Cumbers by taking from me her that was wonder∣fully assisting to me in them.

Present Thoughts I have had with reference to my Removal, since the Death of my Wife as to a retired Life.

After my seeking God by Prayer, about my Settlement, the Encouragements for my continuing at Ollercarr were such as these.

1. THE Lord's Providence bringing me to this Place, more particu∣larly manifest in my Diary in the first part of my Life, and his giving me great Encouragement in my enjoying Gospel-Ordinances here, without very much Interruption or Disturbance.

2. The Favour and Respect he has been pleased to give me from the whole Neighbourhood.

3. A Settlement by House-keeping Necessaries; being concerned to take care of some whom I would provide for according to my Ability.

4. My having a great Husbandry upon my Hands, and eleven Years Lease of this Estate.

5. The Capacity I am in of serving this Neighbourhood by the publick Opportunities the Lord has blest me with here.

Reasons and Encouragements for Re∣moving from Ollercarr.

1. THe Loss of my Dear Wife, upon whose account at first, I was chiefly induc'd to this Place; but now very uncomfortable to me.

2. The irregular Carriages and Be∣haviour of Servants—in Family-Affairs, and my Unfitness to manage and look after them.

3. In regard that I have Encourage∣ment enough that I may let this Land, or else manage it with two or three faithful Servants in my Absence, and it may be more to my advantage than now.

4. The very great Unsetledness of Present-times, and my Obnoxiousness to their Effects, seems to call me to a more retired way of Living than here at Ollercarr.

5. The Debts which at present I am in, I am apprehensive can no bet∣ter way be soon discharged, (which I much desire) than by giving up House∣keeping, at least for some time.

6. By a more retired way of Living, I may have greater advantage for Self-Reflections, and more time than here I can have for the Management of Soul-Concerns.

7. The Cumbers of the World will ill sute me in my solitary and lonesome Condition, when the Language of pre∣sent Providence seems to call me off from these things.

8. By giving up House for a time, I shall have the advantage of Visiting, Conversing with, and serving some Relations that need Help and Assist∣ance, and I have been too much want∣ing to.

9. Because my present Purpose (af∣ter seeking the Lord in the case) is, but to leave my House here for the Winter half-year; it being uncom∣fortable enough then.

10. Mr. Coats and his Dear Consort, whom I heartily love and honour, need be no Losers by this Alteration; they may here keep House, take Tablers, serve their Generation, and live at as little charge, I believe, as any where else; and if so, then the great Objecti∣ons I have against leaving this House,

will be removed, and my leaving it encouraged, and the Ordinances of God will still be kept up here, to the Refreshment of this hungering Neigh∣bourhood.

11. I may the rather go upon this account, that Mr. Coats the last Year had given me notice to remove from me.

The Author having gone so far by his own Hand, in the Account of his Life, to June 86; some farther Pas∣sages since that time, to the time of his Death, be pleased to take a view of in the Preface; written by his Wor∣thy and Reverend Pastor: In which Place, it was thought best to insert them, rather than to interrupt what he had collected and recorded himself.

Notes

• * 1.1

  Birth.
• * 1.2

  Sarah.
• * 1.3

  Samuel.
• * 1.4

  Cornelius.
• * 1.5

  John.
• * 1.6

  Elizabeth, Mary, Dar∣cas.
• * 1.7

  D. S.
• * 1.8

  Parents.
• * 1.9

  Daniel.
• * 1.10

  Gervase.
• * 1.11

  Apprentice.
• * 1.12

  Sins.
• * 1.13

  Work of Grace.
• * 1.14

  Grounds of Salvation.
• * 1.15

  Marriage.
• * 1.16

  Benefits by Afflictions.