She ventures, and he wins a comedy acted at the New Theatre in Little Lincoln's-Inn Fields by His Majesty's servants / written by a young lady.

ACT II. (Book 2)

SCENE I.

Enter Squire VVouldbe, with a Letter in his Hand, Reading.

I Am the luckiest Fellow that ever was born, I was surely wrapt in my Mother's Smock, none of all the weak Sex can find in their Heart to deny me: I have most powerful Charms, that's certain. But Oh, ye Gods! that a Man of my Parts should be born of such mean Pa∣rents! I must hasten, for 'tis near Six.

Enter Dowdy.

Squire VVouldbe puts the Letter hastily up.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Pox on her, now shall I be plagu'd with her Impertinence.

[Aside.

Dow.

Nay, I will see that Paper, what is it you put up so hastily: Let me see you Rebel you, for I'm resolv'd I will see it, that I will.

[Running to him.

Sq. Wouldbe.

See, what would you see? 'tit nothing but a Libel▪ There, take it, bid the Maid bring my Cloak and my Sword; I'm just sent for out, to a Client.

[Gives her a wrong Paper.

Dow.

Is this all? here take it again; but you shan't go out to ne'er a Client in England, that you sha'nt: Marry gap! Go to a Client, and leave me to Sup alone, after I have got a Hot Supper for you too. You Don't care for my Company, that you don't: I don't care, I'll go and tell my Mother, that I will, I won't be used so.

[Gives him the Paper.

[Crys and Snivels as she speaks:

Sq. Wouldbe.

I must wheedle the Fool; not that I care for the Mother more than the Daughter, but I shall lose many a good forfeited Pawn in the Year▪ if any Complaints are made.

[Aside.

Dow.

What's that you mutter to your self? I swear and protest I will go to my Mother, and make her fetch Home all the Plate and Linnen in your House, you Rebel you, and see where you can get more: Was not I the making of you? Now you'd leave me, and a Hot Supper, for a Client. Marry come up.

[She going off, he catches hold of her.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Nay, prithee Bunny, don't be nangry; as true as I am God A'mighty's Child, I'll come Home to Supper; pay Bunny let I go.

[Makes a Courtesy and looks simply.

Dow.

You shant go, that you shant, you Rebel you.

[She pouts and looks surly.

Sq. Wouldbe.

If you won't let me go to my Clients, how shall I be able to maintain my Family. Let me go Bunny, and indeed and indeed I'll give you a Fine New Petticoat, such a one as your Neighbour Mrs. What∣youcallun has.

Dow.

But will you come Home to Supper then at Eight a Clock?

Sq. Wouldbe.

I will truly, Bunny, what have you got?

Dow.

A most lovely Buttock of Beef and Cabbage; do Puggey, pray come Home. Ha, but will you?

[Fawns upon him, and Kisses him.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Deed I will Mrs. Honysuckle, tum dive I one, two te Busses, nay, one mo: B'y Bunny.

Dow.

Your a Wicked Man, well go, but make haste Home.

Sq. Wouldbe.

Heaven make thankful, I am at last rid of her nauseous fondness.

[Aside.

B'y b'y, I'll take my Cloke within.

[Exit. Sq. Wouldbe.

Dow.

B'y dear Rogue, oh 'tis a sweet natured Man, he's strangely fond of me.

Enter Beldam.

How now Daughter, where's my Son?

Dow.

He's just gone out Mother, but he'll come Home again to Sup∣per.

Bel.

He'd best, or he may look for the Point Cravat: I have here for him a Forfeited Pawn, of no less than one of the King's Officers, Mr. Con∣stable of our Parish, 'tis almost spick and span new, he never wore it but of Sundays. But are you sure Daughter, he'll come back to Supper, or else I will not leave it.

Dow.

O, I am sure he will, for he promised me, and he's never worse than his Word. Poor Rogue! O, he's the kindest Wretch, Mother, that

ever was, he grows fonder and fonder every day than other. Won't you sup with us Mother? Poor Wretch, he longs to see you.

Bel.

No, Daughter, I cannot stay, I have appointed a Customer to be at Home at Seven, to take in a Silver Tankard, which I will send to you, for that you have, is call'd Home, and I am to return it to Morrow; this is one much of the same value, the change will hardly be perceived.

Dow.

But you will bring it before you take the other Home I hope; for my Puggey will drink out of nothing but Silver.

Bel.

Ai, Ai, that I will, since you say my Son is so good, you shall have any thing. Here, take what I have brought for him; remember my love to him, and so good Night, Daughter; I must be gone.

Dow.

Good Night, Forsooth, if you must.

[Exit. Bel.

'Tis a rare thing to have such a Mother; she's always giving my Puggy one good thing or other, which makes him take care to please me: she will one time or other disgrace me, by coming in her every Day Cloaths; I am ashamed to call her Mother in them.

Exit. Dow.

SCENE II.

Sir Charles's Garden.

Enter Sir Charles Frankford and Sir Roger Marwood, with Musick.

Sir Char.

I think Sir Roger, we must give my Sister, and Cozen Julia, an Essay of our Serenade; the Song is pretty, and may properly be ap∣plied to any of the fair Sex: But is it not very gallant to treat a Sister thus?

Sir Roger.

I believe, Sir Charles, if Madam Juliana had not a greater share in it than your Sister, she'd lose her part in this Entertain∣ment.

Sir Char.

I must own my fair Cozen has charm'd me; but I have of late observ'd her grown so thoughtful, I fear her Heart already is en∣gag'd, which makes me fear to own any Pretensions to it.

Sir Roger.

She cannot sure be insensible to the Brother of Charlot, whom she so tenderly loves; advance your Addresses, you have a good Ad∣vocate.

Sir Char.

No, I'll see that Mad Sister of mine dispos'd of first: I'd give Five Hundred Guineas to see her in love; for I dare not own my being so, till she's a little tamed. She'll only make me her sport, as she does all Mankind besides.

Sir Roger.

I think Sir Char. you should rather give it to secure her from it if possible; for what Assurance have you she will not blind with that mad Passion, be betrayed to match her self to one unworthy of her Merit, and bring an Alliance to your Family, you'd blush to own.

Sir Char.

No, I dare swear for her; however frollicksome she is in her Humour, she'd scorn to look on any Thing was basely born: but I have often heard her declare she would, when ever she married, match her self where she found more Merit than Estate. I know so well her Pride in that Concern, I dare trust the Honour of our Family in the Hands.

Sir Rog.

Then if she should throw her self away upon some well-born younger Brother, not worth a Groat, I find you would easily forgive her.

Sir Char.

She has a plentiful Fortune, enough to make any Man hap∣py; she's free and absolute, and has as much Right to dispose of her self and Fortune as I of mine.

Sir Rog.

It argues but little Kindness, for your Sister to be so careless of her Advantage.

Sir Char.

You need not instruct me in my Kindness for my Sister, she never found any want of it, nor shall she. But whence comes your Con∣cern for her, Sir Roger?

Sir Rog.

As she's the Sister of my dearest Friend: But come, let's have that Song. Are you sure they're together?

Sir Char.

They seldom part so soon, you know. Come, Gentlemen, let's have the Song.

[To the Musick.

SONG.

YOung Celinda's youthful Charms, Fills the admiring Town with wonder; The stubbornst Heart, her Eyes alarms, And makes them to her Power surrender.

Face, and Shape, and Wit so rare! Heavens Master-piece she was design'd: A graceful Mien, and such an Air, Nothing excells it but her Mind.

Tho' Women envy, Men admire; Her Eyes, in all, do Love inspire.

Sir Rog.

I think the Door opens.

Sir Char.

Pray, Gentlemen, retire a little, we'll come to you immediately in the Street.

[Ex. Musick.

Enter Charlot and Juliana in their own Cloaths; and Betty.

'Tis they, let's get behind this Arbour, from whence we may discover what they say; they certainly will go in there; 'tis the usual place of dis∣coursing their Secrets in: Perhaps I may pay for my listening; but I can∣not resist so sweet a temptation.

[They go behind the Arbour; Charlot and Juliana go into the Arbour. Julian's Maid stays without.

Charlot speaks as she enters the Arbour.

I told you 'twas but your Fancy; I was sure to Musick, nor no one else, but my Brother, would enter here, and he is not at home. Now, my dear Julia, do not you applaud my happy Fortune? Is it not better, thus to chuse for One's self amongst a Multitude, than out of a few, whose Interest, more than Love, solicites me? If all things prove but successful to my Wishes, in this Affair, I shall be perfectly happy; if my dear Julia was but so, I could not wish my self another Joy.

Jul.

Nothing would more alleviate my Grief, than constantly to see you so; which is the hearty wish of your unhappy Friend.

Char.

You heighten your own Trouble, by your obstinate refusal to let him know, what I am sure he'd accept with Joy: For Heavens sake let me tell him, I'm confident he'll bless me for't, and so will you here∣after.

Jul.

I'll sooner yield my Body to the Stake, than own a Passion for a Man thinks me not worth his taking notice of: No, my dear Charlot, I beg you to conceal it, as you would do a fatal Secret, that would betray my Life; for, the first Minute he discovers it, I'll put it out of his Power ever to see me more.

Char.

It grieves my Soul, to see you thus afflicted, and will not give me leave to ease your Pain; but, be assured, I never will betray the least of all your Thoughts, without your free Consent.

Jul.

No matter what becomes of wretched Juliana, so my dear Charlot's happy.

Char.

Take but the same Method, and you may be so too; for, should my Designs fail, the way I've laid them, I'll openly own them, and then I do not fear being denied; tho' 'twould vex me heartily, to miss the Pleasure of knowing, whether I'm belov'd or not.

Jul.

Alas! your Passion's but in jest; you do not yet know the Torments, to wake whole Nights with restless Thoughts.

Char.

No, no, never will; where ere I lov'd, I'd tell him so, and break that useless piece of Modesty, impos'd by Custom, and gives so many of us the Pip.

Jul.

I wish I had your merry Heart; but I am now so serious, that the least Jest is unsavoury to me. Prithee Betty sing the last new Song I gave you.

Char.

Nay, if thou'rt come to Rhiming, thou'rt in Love indeed.

SONG.

REstless in Thoughts, disturb'd in Mind, Short Sleep's deep Sighs: Ah much, I fear, The inevitable Time assign'd, By Fate, to Love's approaching near.

When the dear Object present is, My flutt'ring Soul is all on fire: His sight's a Heaven of Happiness; And, if he stays, I can't retire.

Tell me, some one, in Love well read, If these be Symptoms of that Pain. Alas, I fear, my Heart is fled, Enslav'd to Love, and Love in vain.

Char.

That's your own Fault: But come, let's in, the Air grows cool.

Jul.

I'll wait on you to your Chamber, and there leave you to your Re∣pose.

[Exit. Char. Jul. and Bet.

Sir Charles comes forward and speaks.

Well, what think you now, Sir Roger, had I not reason for my Suspicion? I have paid for my Curiosity; but I am only too well assur'd of what I fear'd before.

Sir Rog.

Suppose, Sir Charles, you should prove the Man: I dare believe I guess not much amiss, who should your Sister take such Liberty with, as to offer to declare a business of that nature to, but to you?

Sir Char.

I wish no happie Fortune: But much I fear my Stars are not so kind.

[Sighs.

Sir Rog.

We forget our Musick; or, at least, they'll think so.

Sir Char.

Come, let's to 'em.

[Exit. Sir Charles and Sir Roger.

SCENE III.

A Tavern Kitchin.

Enter Freeman, Urania and Cook-Maid.

Ura.

Doll, do you be sure to keep the Kitchin clear, we must be as quick as possible for fear of Interruption by Companies coming in.

Freem.

Pl—on him, if he would but make haste, there is now but one Company in the House.

Doll looking out.

O he's here, Sir, just got out of a Chair.

Ura.

Run you Doll, and bring him in here; and get you gone, Freeman, you know your end.

[Ex. Doll.

Freem.

I warrant I'll remember it with a Vengeance.

[Ex. Freeman.

Doll returns with Esq Wouldbe in Womans Cloths, and Exit.

Esq Wouldbe

makes a Curtchy, goes up to her.]

Your Servant, sweet Mrs. Straw∣berry, am not I a pretty Gentlewoman? Now tum dive I a Buss.

Ura.

Fie Sir, what do you mean, you know there's always Capitulation before a Surrender; you must promise Constancy, Secrecy, and a thousand other things beside, before we come to the main point.

Esq Wouldbe,

Heark you dear Child, is this a place to make Conditions in? What a Devil made you bring me into the Kitchin, your Chamber had been a properer place for what we have to say and do?

Ura.

Ai, but to have sent you up alone, or carried you up directly, might have given cause of suspicion to my Servants, which now I avoid by taking you from hence.

Esq W.

Let's lose no time, dear Child, but go where Love and Beauty calls.

Aside.

I Gad, that was a high touch if it passes for my own.

To her.

Come, come, do not delay my Bliss, your House begins to fill; and we may lose this blessed Opportunity.

Ura.

Well, come then, but you must be sure to be very Civil.

Esq W.

Ay, ay, as Civil as you desire.

[Leaves off amazedly, hearing Free∣man's Voice

Freeman within aloud.

Freem.

A Man, say you, in Womens Cloths with my Wise? D—him, give me my Sword, I'll stick him to the Wall.

Ura.

O Heavens what will you do, your betray'd!

[Es{que} W. shakes and shews great signs of fear.

Sw—s

what shall I do? here's ne'er a Hole to creep in, as I see, that will hide a Mouse.

Freem.

within.

Here, Sirrah, charge this Pistol for me whilst I charge the other, perhaps he's arm'd for a Surprize; but I'll Maul the Dog, I'll lay his Let∣chery for him I warrant him.

Ura.

seeming in a great fright.

You're a dead Man if you do not do something presently.

[Looking about sees the Cystern.

Here, here, get into the Cystern, there is as it happens but very little Water in it.

Esq W.

Ah Lord, any where so I may but save my dear Life; well this is a Judgment upon me for coveting my Neighbour's Wife, if I had been at home with my own, I need not have feared any body.

[Gets into the Cystern.

Enter Freeman Armed looking about.

Freem.

What have you done with your Metamorphos'd Gallant, produce him you'd best, for if he escape my Fury you shall feel it, you Jezebel you.

Ura.

What is't you mean, are you mad to make me and your self ridiculous? I know of never a Gallant that I have, if you do you had best find him out; Who is it puts these Crotchets in your Crown? you never had reason to believe ill of me, and why should you hearken to every Fool's Tale?

Freem.

Why, had not you a Man with you in Womens Cloths?

Ura.

I have had no body with me but my Midwife, and if you had come sooner you might have examined if you pleased.

Freem.

Indeed Urania, I am too blame to suspect you upon every idle story; but I was told that Esq Wouldbe was with you in Womens Cloths; pray forgive my Passion.

Ura.

Indeed you are unkind, but I can forgive you more than this.

Freem.

Have an Eye to the Bar, for I am sent for out, but will not stay.

[Ex. Freeman.

Esq Wouldbe peeps out.

Esq Wouldbe.

Is he gone? I'm almost drowned, the Water's come in ever since I've been here.

Ura.

He is, you may venture forth.

Aside.

Pray Heaven I hold from laughing.

Esq Wouldbe comes out dropping wet.

Esq Wouldbe.

What shall I do, I shall catch my death, with all these wet Cloths about me?

Ura.

Here, take this Key, and go up to the Star, there's a Bed provided for you, and as soon as I can secure my Husband I'll come to you.

Esq W.

Dear kind charming Creature, how you revive me? but are you sure he's gone now, and the coast clear, for 'tis impossible I can take Sanctuary in the same place again, for by this time 'tis full of Water.

Ura.

You'll have no more occasion, I hope, but if you should, I think you must hide there in the Feather-Tub; pointing to a Feather-Tub.

Esq W.

I wish I had seen that before, t'would have saved me a Ducking.

Ura.

Alas, I forgot it in my fright, but you had best be gone for fear of a Surprize again.

Just as he goes to the Door, he here's trampling within, returns in a great Fright, and jumps into the Feather-Tub, and says,

Ay Lord he's here again.

Ura.

This was such an unexpected Jest, I shall burst with Lauging.

She goes to him.]

'Tis only your fear, here's no body coming, my Husband's gone out, and will not return this hour.

Esq W.

comes out all over Feathers.]

For the Lord's sake don't let me stay here I shall be frighted out of my wits.

Ura.

Go as soon as you please, lock your self in, and put the Key under the Door against I come.

Esq W.

See, see, is there no body stirring?

Ura.

Not a Mouse, go make haste.

[Exit Esq Wouldbe.

Enter Freeman Laughing.

So I think I have had my Jest too to make him go into the Feather-Tub.

Ura.

You heard me mention it, did you?

Freem.

Yes, and I knew his fear would make him take to it upon the least noise; are all things in readiness above?

Ura.

Ay, never fear, let me alone for Mischief.

[Ex. Freem. and Vra.

The end of the Second Act.