The sullen lovers, or, The impertinents a comedy acted by His Highness the Duke of Yorkes servants / written by Tho. Shadwell.

ACT. II.

Enter Carolina, Lovell.

Carol.

I Long to bring 'em together, they will be well Match'd; but we must stay awhile, for she ha's been so teaz'd this morning, she ha's lock'd her self up in her Chamber.

Lov.

Stanford was ready to fall out with me, when I nam'd a new acquaintance to him, and will not be perswaded there is such a Creature as a Woman:

That is not Impertinent.

Car.

Emilia is as Cautious as he can be, and wou'd be ready To swound at the sight of a new face, for she will not believe but all mank••nd are Coxcombs: for Heav'ns sake Lovell let's surprize them into one anothers Company, we shall have admirable sport.

Lov.

Wee'l do't; but Madam, why shou'd we mind their bus'ness that have enough of our own: what if you and I shou'd play the fools once in our Lives, and enter into the bonds of Wedlock together.

Car.

Fy, fy, 'tis such a Constant condition of life, that a Wo∣man had as good be profest in a Nunnery, for she can no sooner get out of one then t'other.

Lov.

But with your pardon, Madam, this is somewhat The pleasanter Condition of the Two.

Car.

That's according as they use both Conditions, but Pray Master Lovell bring not this villanous Matrimony Into dispute any more, lest that may make us desire It, I have known some men by maintaining a Heresie in Jest become of that opinion in good Ea••nest. But do you know that my Lady Vaine was here this Morning?

Lov.

No Madam; but what of that?

C••r.

She told me that of you will make your Ears tingle.

Lov.

Of me, Madam, what was't?

Car.

She sayes you are the most inconstant man, the most per∣fidious Wretch that e're had breath, and bid me fly you as I wou'd infection.

Lov.

What the Devil did she mean by that?

Car.

Come, let me know what's betwixt you, or I'le Rack you but I'le know it.

Lov.

This Jealousie makes me believe you love me. That she should be prating her self,

aside.

How many Women would be thought honest, if They could hold their own Tongues.

Car.

I am like to have a fine servant of you: but a Lady wou'd have a fine time on't that were to marry you, to stake all the treasures of her Youth and Virginity, which have been preserv'd with so much Care, and Heav'n knows some trouble too against nothing.

Lov.

Faith Madam, I have e'en as much as I had before, but if you'l be kind, I'le take that Care off your hands, and soon rid you of that trouble.

Car.

No, no, go to my Lady Vaine, give her your Heart poor Lady she wants it too but for me, I can keep my affliction to my self.

Lov.

Dear Carolina! name her no more, if you do, I will get drunk immediately. And then I shall have Courage enough to fall aboard her.

Car.

Lord! what a loss shall I have: Heav'n send me patience, or I shall ne're out-live it, to loose so proper a Gentleman, but why should I think to rob her of her due, no, no, now I think on't to her again, go, go.

Lov.

For Heav'ns sake Carolina do not Tyrannize thus, why I had rather be kept waking at an ill Play then endure her Com∣pany.

Car.

Thus are we poor Women despis'd when we give away our Hearts to ungrateful men, but Heav'n will punish you.

Lov.

Dear Carolina, let's leave fooling, and be in down-right Earnest.

Car.

I hope, Sir, your Intentions are honourable.

Lov.

Madam, why should you once doubt it?

My Love to you is as pure as the flame that burns upon an Altar: You are too unjust if you suspect my honour.

Car.

Now will you leave fooling; on my Conscience He is in Earnest.

Lov.

As much as the severest Anchorite can be at his Devo∣tions.

Car.

O! are you so, 'its a hard Case, but pray you, Sir, leave off, I had rather hear a silenc'd Parson preach sedition then you talk seriously of Love, wou'd you cou'd see how it becomes you; why you look more Comically then an old fashion'd fel∣low singing of Robin Hood or Chevy Chace.

My Love to you's as pure as the flame that burns upon a•• Altar! how scurvily it sounds.

Lov.

You are the Cruellest Tyrant alive: Let us be serious a little, I have rallied my self into a passion will ruine my else.

Car.

Come, in what posture must I stand to hear you talk formally.

Lov.

On my Conscience 'tis easier to fix quick-silver than your humour, Madam, but if you wou'd enter into Wedlock I can assure you that will bring you to gravity.

Car.

Let me but once more hear you name Marriage, and I protest I'le send for my Lady Vaine to you. I tell you again I will not marry. I love your Conversation, and your humour of all things in the World.

But for Marriage 'tis good for nothing, but to make Friends fall out.

Lov.

Nay, faith if you be at that I can do you the same Civility without the Ceremony, as you say it is a kind of formal Thing.

Car.

No! I shall take Example by my Lady Vaine, poor Lady, she little thought to be unkindly us'd, I warrant you.

Lov.

Again that name.

Car.

Besides, if we were Marry'd you might say; faith Carolina is a pretty Woman, and has humour good enough, but a pox on't she's my wife; no, no, I'le have none of that.

Lov.

Do you still distrust my Honour, 'tis unkindly done, but—

Car.

Hold, hold, her door opens, step you in there, and you may hear how she entertains the motion.

Enter Emilia with a Book in her hand.

Emil.

The Wisdom of this Charles the fifth was Wonderful; Who 'midst of all his Triumphs and his Greatness, When he had done what glory had oblig'd him to, Seeing the Vanity of Mankind did quit The pleasures that attend a Monarchs state; Nay more, the most bewitching thing call'd power, And left the World to live an humble life, Free from the Importunity of Fools, was't not VVisely done Sister?

Car.

Yes, no doubt on't, as wisely done to go to a Mona∣stery to shun fools, as to keep Company with Us••rers and Brokers to avoid Knaves.

Emil.

Thou art a Foolish Girl, I am tormented With The Impertinence of both Sexes so, I am resolv'd I'le not stay one VVeek out of a Nunnery.

Car.

O' my Conscience thou art stark out of thy Wits with r••ading of Burton's Melancholly; To a Nunnery to avoyd Im∣pertinence? where canst thou think to meet with more then there?

Emil.

Now you are too Censorious.

Car.

You shou'd like me the better. But you must needs find relief there? Doe you Think any Women that have sence, or Warmth Of blood, as we have, wou'd go into a Nunnery?

Emil.

If I shou'd meet with Fops there too, I should be irreparably lost: Oh Heaven! what Shall I do to ease my self? rather then Indure the persecution of those fools that haunt Us here. I will go where neither Man nor Woman ever came.

Lov.

O Rare! Stanford, here's just thy Counterpart (

Within.

To a hair.

Car.

Since thou art resolv'd to sequester thy self from Com∣pany, I'le buy thee a Cage and hang thee up by the Parrot over

the way, and thou shalt converse with none but him: I hope he's not Impertinent too?

Emil.

Must you torment me too? fy Sister. What would you have me do? my Patience Is not great enough to endure longer, to see The folly of this age; Do you judge, after I had been Suffi••iently worry'd by the Lady Vaine this Morning, Whom I was forc'd to get rid of, by Telling her, her Lover my Cozen Positive was at her lodging, which You know is as far as the Pall-mall.

Car.

That Vertuosa as she calls her self, is the pleasantest Creature I ever saw: but prethee Sister, let me hear none of your fantastick Stories, methinks you are as Impertinent as any body.

Emil.

It distracts me to see this folly in things that are in∣tended for reasonable Creatures.

Lov.

O Stanford! If this Lady does not match thee the de∣vils in't.

within.

Car.

These Fools you talk of afford me so much recreation, That I do not know how I should laugh without e'm.

Emil.

Thou hast no sence, they make me weary of the World! Heav'n! what shall I do?

Car.

I tell you: Stanford hea••ing of your humour, and Ad∣miring it ha's a great desire to see you, before you resolve to leave the world, try how he will please you.

Emil.

What a ridiculous thing it is of you to wish me to new Acquaintance, when I am leaving the old? I am sure He's Im∣pertinent, for all mankind I have met are ••o

Car.

Hist Lovell!

Lov.

Your humble Servant Lady's—.

com••s out.

Emil.

Is this he? then farewell.

Lov.

Madam! pray stay, and give me the honour of one word with you.

Emil.

I knew what he was: my Lady Vaine here?

Enter Lady Vaine and Bridget.

La. Vaine.

Master Lovell! your most humble servant.

Lov.

Your Ladiships humble servant▪ how I hate the sight of her in presence of my Mistress.

Car.

Lovell! for shame be civil to your Mistress: L••••'s hear you make Love a little.

La. Vaine.

Madam upon my Reputation there was no such thing, Sir Positive was never there, sure some Dirty fellow or other brought a false Message on purpose to rob me of the plea∣sure of your Ladiships sweet Company: would he were hang'd for his pains, he passion he has put me in, has put me out of Breath.

to Emilin.

Lov.

Lord! how soon she's put in and put out!

La. Vain.

But, Madam, assoon as ever I found he was not there I made all possible haste to wait upon you again, for fear your Ladiship shou'd resent my too abrubt departure.

Emil.

O Heav'ns! take pity of my afflictions, Madam—

La. Vain.

But the truth on't is I design'd to spend this day with you, since I can be no where so well satisfi'd as with your Ladiships Converse, a person who is Mistress of so much ver∣tue and honour, which are Treasures I value above the World.

Emil.

Why, Madam—

La. Vain.

For the truth is so few Ladies have either, that they are things to be valu'd for their rarity.

Emil.

Oh Impertinence! whither will this Eternal tongue of hers carry her.

Lov.

This is very pleasant for her to name Vertue and Honour In my Company.

aside.

Emil.

Madam! for Heav'ns sake—

La. Vain.

For the truth on't is, Madam, a Lady without Vertue and Honour is altogether as detestable as a Gentleman without Wit or Courage.

Emil.

Madam! I am sorry I cannot wait on you longer, I am ingag'd to dine abroad.

La. Vain.

Where is't Madam, for I am resolv'd to go along with you.

Emil.

Why, Madam, you do not know the persons.

La. Vain.

That's all one for that, let me alone to make my Apology.

Emill.

This is beyond all suff'rance.

Car••.

I hope she will not leave her off so.

Lovel.

No: if she does, I am mistaken.

La Vain.

Come, Madam; Lets go.

Emili.

But Madam, I must call at the Exchange first, To buy some trifles there.

La. Vain.

O Madam! I'le bring you to my Milliner, that Calls himself the Italian Milliner, or the Little Exchange; he's better provided then any one In the Exchange.

Emili.

I am on the sudden taken ill, and must retire.

La. Vain.

Madam, d'ye think, I that am a Virtuosa understand no better, then to leave you now you are not well; What's your Distemper? no Woman in England was more serviceable among her Neighbours then I with my Flos Unguentorum, Paracelsian and Green-salve.

Lov.

And your Album Graecum I warrant you▪

La. Vain.

That Album Graecum was a Salve of my Invention: But a propos, perhaps it may be a fit of the Mother, If it be, we must burn some Bl••w-Inckle, and Partridge Feathers under your Nose; or she must smell to Asra foetida, And have some Cold Water with a little Flower to drink: Ay, ay, 'twill be so; pray Mr. Lovel come and help to hold her.

••••ili••.

No, no, Madam; there's no such thing I'le assure you: I must beg leave to go to my Chamber.

La. Vain.

Come, Madam, I'le conduct you, and be as careful of you As if you were my Sister a thousand times.

Emilia.

Madam! with your pardon, I desire to be alone, and Try to rest.

La. Vain.

Alone! by no means in the World, Madam, it may Be very dangerous; I would not for all the World Madam, you shou'd be alone; suppose you shou'd Fall into a Fit alone, I can speak it by Experience; 'Tis Dangerous for a Lady to fall into a Fit without An Able Body by her. Come, Madam, I'le conduct you in.

••milia.

How shall I get rid of her▪

Ex La. Vaine and Emilia.

Lovel.

Let's in and see when the Fury of this Dol Comon will be at an End.

Carol.

Come, come, we shall have the pleasure of seeing my Sister Worry'd almost to Death

Exit Lovel and Carolina.

Enter Stanford.

Stan.

I wonder my Man returnes not yet. I thought to have found Mr. Lovel here, but Here's one will do my business.

Enter Huffe.

Huffe.

Oh Mr. Stanford! Have I found you?

Stanf.

Oh Heaven's! Will my punishment never end?

Huffe.

I am the most unfortunate Man that ever was born.

Stanf.

Why do you trouble me with this? Am I the Cause on't?

Huffe.

No! but I'le tell you, upon my Reputation, I have been Nick't out of twenty pound Just now at Spiering's, and lost seven to four, for my last Stake.

Stan.

What the Devill's this to me? let me go.

Huffe.

But, Sir, I'le tell you a thing that very nearly concerns you.

Stanf.

Some other time; 'Slife do not disturb me now.

Huff.

For Heaven's sake hear me, you'l repent it else.

Stanf.

Make haste then, keep me in pain no longer.

Huffe.

Why, I have found out the finest plump fresh Gi••le, newly come out of the Country.

Stanf.

Hell and Damnation! Why do you trouble me with such trifles.

Huffe.

Trifles, Does he call 'em? Well! I see this won't do:

Aside.

But, Sir, I'le tell you somewhat concernes you more▪ Nearly; Sir, it concernes your Honour.

Stan.

My Honour! Why, who dares call it in question?

Huffe.

Not so, Sir; but, Do you love Generosity and Honour?

Stanf.

Why do you ask the question?

Huffe.

Why then I'le put you in a way to do a very Generous▪ And Honourable thing.

Stanf.

What do you mean by this Impertinence?

Huffe.

If you will relieve an Honest Gentleman in distress, Lend me two Pieces, you shall have e'm agen within

Four and twenty houres, or may I perish.

Stan.

'Pox on you for an Owl: There, take em; I wou'd I cou'd get rid of all my Impertinents at as cheap A rate.

Huffe.

I give you a thousand thanks.

Stan.

'Slife! trouble me no more, be gone!

Huffe.

Sir, It were a very ungrateful thing not to Acknowledge the favour.

Stanf.

Away, away, and let your gratitude alone,

Huffe.

D'hear, Mr. Stanford! upon mine honor I'le

Huff offers to go out, and returns

Return e'm tomorrow night without fail.

Stan.

Curse on you for a Rascal

Ex. Huffe.

So, here's one trouble over! Well! What's the News?

Enter Roger.

Rog.

Do you earnestly desire to know, Sir?

Stan.

Must I have Impertinence in my own Family too?

Roger.

O! I am so out of breath, I am not able to speak one word; but if I had never so much breath, I cou'd tell you no∣thing but what you'd be glad to hear: If I had the winde of an Irish Foot-man, nay, of a Non-conforming Parson—or.

Stan.

Or, with a Pox to you, one Similitude more, and I'le Break that Fooles head of yours.

Roger.

VVell, Sir, since you are in haste, I'le be brief as a Fid∣ler, after he's paid for scraping, for I love to be so in Cases of this Importance, for I have heard—

Stan.

Out you Dog, a Sentence after your Similitude; You are as impertinent as a Country Witness.

Roger.

I have done, Sir, and now I'le tell you in one VVord: Hold Sir! here's a Spider in your Perriwigg.

Stanf.

Death, you Rascal! I'le ram it down your Throat.

Roger.

Be patient, Sir: Seneca advises to moderate our passi∣ons.

Stanf.

Hang ye' Rascal! Seneca is an Ass in your mouth. Tell me quickly, Or—

Roger.

Why, Sir, you are so impatient you will not hear me?

Stanf.

'Faith but I will speak.

Roger.

Not to boast of my diligence, which, though I say it, is as much—

Stanf.

You Dogg tell me quickly, or I'le cut your Eares off.

Roger.

Why Mr. Lovel, wou'd have you come to him; What wou'd you have?

Stanf.

If I were not in haste, Sirrah; I'de teach you to know your Man, and who you may put your Tricks on, you impudent Raskal.

As Stanford is going out, enter Wood∣cock.

Rog.

Death! That I shou'd find impertinence in others, and not see it in my self.

Wood.

Dear Iack, thy humble Servant: How dost doe? My Footman told me, he saw thy Man come in here, which made me believe I shou'd find thee here; and I had not power to stay from thee, my Dear Bully-Rock, for I can enjoy my self no where so well as in thy Company: Let me kiss thee Dear Heart; 'Gad I had rather kiss thee then any Woman.

Stan.

This is beyond all Example: Oh horrid! his kindness is a greater persecution then the Injuries of others.

Wood.

I'le tell thee, Dear Heart, I love thee with all my heart: thou art a man of Sence, Dear Rogue, I am infinitely happy in thy Friendship; for I meet with so many impertinent silly Fellows every day, that a man cannot live in quite for e'm: Dear Heart. For between you and I, this Town is more pester'd with idle Fel∣lows, that thrust themselves into Company, then the Country is with Attorny's; Is it not Iack?

Exit Roger.

Stan.

Yes! I have too much reason to believe you, a Curse on you.—

Aside.

Wood.

Ay, Did not I tell you so, Iack! ha? but this is not my business▪ Dear Rascal kiss me, I have a secret to impart to thee, but if it take the least Ayre, I am undone: I have a project in my head shall raise me 20000 l. I know you will promise se∣cresy, dear heart.

Stan.

Don't trouble me with it.

Wood.

No, it concernes thee Man: why, thou shalt go halfes with me, Dear Heart.

Stan.

For Heaven's sake, Sir, don't trust it with me, I have a f••culty of telling all I know: I cannot help it.

Wood.

Oh! Dear Bully-Rock, that Wheadle won't pass.

Don't I know thou art a Man of Honour; and besides, so re∣serv'd, that thou wilt scarce tell a secret to thy Friend.

Stan.

Sir, I am unhappy in your good opinion, this is beyond all suff'rance.

Wood.

No, Faith, Dear Iack, thou deserv'st it; but my pro∣ject is this, d'yee see.

Stanf.

Well! I am so tormented with Impertinent Fellowes, that I see there is no remedy.

Wood.

As I hope to Live, Iack, I am of thy Opinion: the 'truth on't is, 'tis intollerable, for a man can never be free from these Fooles in this Town; I like thy resolution so well, that I am a Son of a Whore if I don't go along with thee! Ah how we shall enjoy our selves when we are both together, how we shall despise the rest of the World: Dear Heart.

Enter Roger.

Roger.

O, Mr. VVoodcock! Poet Ninny is gone to the Rose Ta∣verne, and bid me tell you, he has extraordinary business with you, and begs you wou'd make all possible hast to him.

wood.

O Dear Rascal, kiss me! thou art the honestest Fellow in the World: Dear Iack, I must beg thy pardon for a few mi∣nutes, but I hope thou'lt not take it ill; why 'tis about business Dear Heart, you know we must not neglect that.

Stan.

O no Sir, by no meanes.

Wood.

Nay, Dear Rogue, be not angry, prethee kiss me; as I hope to live, I'le return immediately; Dear Iack, thy humble Servant—

Exit Woodcock.

Stan.

This is a lucky Accident.

Roger.

Sir, I was fain to sin a little for you, and get rid of him by this lie.

Stan.

Well! this shall excuse all your former Errors, 'Ile a∣way, for fear some other fooles shou'd find me out.

Exeunt.

Enter Emilia, La. Vaine (following her up and down) after them, Carolina, Lovel.

Carol.

Does she not Tease her bravely Lovel?

Lov.

Admirably! Oh that Stanford were here! if't were for nothing but to see a fellow-sufferer.

La. Vain.

Then Madam, will your Ladyship be pleas'd to let me wait on you to a Play, there are two admirable Playes at both Houses; and let me tell you, Madam, Sir Positive, that under∣stands those things as well as any man in England, sayes, I am a great Judge.

Emili.

Madam, I beseech you ask me no more questions; I tell you, I had as live stand among the rabble, to see a Jack-pud∣ding eate a Custard, as trouble my self to see a Play.

La! Vain.

O Fy Madam! a young Lady and hate Playes; why I'le tell you, Madam, at one House there is a huge Two handed Devil, and as brave a Fat Fryer as one wou'd wish to see in a Sum∣mers-Day; and a delicate Machin, as they call it, where one sits and sings as fine a Song: And then at t'other house there's a rare Play, with a Jigg in't, would do your heart good to see it; but if there were nothing else in't, you might have your four Shillings out in Thunder and Lightning; and let me tell you, 'tis as well worth it as one Penny's worth another.

Emil.

What have I done?

Stanf.

Am I trapan'd into Womens Company?

Offers to go out, Lov. layes hold of him.

Lov.

Hold, hold, hold, Madam, here's Mr. Stanford desires to kiss your hands.

Emili.

I am in that disorder that never Woman was.

La. Vain.

O Mr. Lovel! she's falling into a fit of an Epilepsy: help all to hold her, lend me a Knife to cut her Lace.

Stan.

This is worse then all the rest.

Lovel

to La. Vain.

Let me speak with you in the next Room in pri∣vate.

La. Vain.

Sir, your most obedient servant: I shall be glad of any occasion to retire with one, for whom I have so great an affection.

Lov.

to Carolina.

For Heaven's sake follow me, or I shall be in an ill condition.

Caro.

I find you are an Errant Hippocrite, but I'le take you at your word for once.

Ex. Lov. La. Vain. and Carolina▪

Emili.

I am the greatest object of pity that was ever seen: I am never free from these Importunate Fooles.

Stanford and Emilia walk up and down, and take little notice of one another.

Stan.

I am not less afflicted, and have as much need of pitty too.

Emil.

I find no possibility of reliefe, but by leaving the World that is so full of folly.

Stan.

Who would live in an age, when Fooles are Reverenc'd, and Impudence Esteem'd.

Emil.

To see a Fellow but the other day content with humble Linsey Woolsey, now have variety of Ve••ts, Perriwiggs and Lac'd Linnen.

Stan.

One, that but the other day, could eat but one meal a day, and that at a three-penny Ordinar••; now struts in State, and talks of nothing but Shattellins and Lefronds.

Emil.

In so corrupt an Age, when all mankind flatter the greatest, and oppress the least; when to be just is to be out of fashion, and to betray a friend is lawful Cunning.

Stanf.

This is pleasant for her to speak against these

Aside.

things, as if she were not as bad as any one: Who wou'd live in such a treach'rous Age, to see this Gentleman that Courts the t'other Gentleman's Wife, meet him and embrace him; and swear he loves him above the VVorld: and he poor fool dotes extream∣ly upon him that does the Injury.

Emil.

Now has this Fellow a design to have me think

aside.

him VVise: but wisdome and honesty are fool'd out of Counte∣nance.

Stan.

Now the illiterate fool despises Learning

Emil.

Nay, among the learn'd themselves, we find many that are great Schollers by Art, are most abominable Fooles by Na∣ture.

Stan.

This shall not perswade me to believe she is not Imper∣tinent.

aside.

Emil.

Now the qualifications of a fine Gentleman are to Eate A-la-mode, drink Champaigne, Dance Jiggs, and play at Ten∣nis.

Stanf.

To love Dogs, Horses, Hawkes, Dice and Wenches, scorne Wit, break Windows, beat a Constable, ly with his Semp∣stress, and undoe his Taylor, it distracts me to think on't.

Emil.

Now does he desire to be taken for a discreet fellow, but this will not do.

Aside.

Stan.

What relief can I expect in this age▪ when men take as much paines to make themselves fooles, as others have done to get wisdome.

Emil.

Nay folly is become as natural to all mankind as lust.

Stan.

VVhat shall I do? Whither shall I turne me to avoid these Fooles.

Lov.

Now let's slip e'm

Caro.

We shall have a very faire Course.

Enter La. Vaine, Ninny, Lovel•• and Carolina.

Emi.

O Heaven's! Are they here?

Stan.

What will become of me?

Ninny

to Emilia.

O Madam, I'le tell you, Stanford pray hear once. 'Tis such a thing as never was in the World.

La. Vain.

Ay, pray Sir hear him, he's as pretty a Wit as any man in this Town, except Sir Positive I assure you.

Stan.

What are we condemn'd to?

Emil.

To a worse condition then Gally-slaves.

Ninny.

I was with my Bookseller, Madam, with that Heroick Poem, which I presented to your Ladyship, as an earnest of the ho∣nour I have for you; But by the way, he's an ignorant ingrateful Fellow, for betwixt you and I he has got some hundreds of pounds by some Plays and Poems of mine which he has Printed. And let me tell you, some under the Names of Beaumont, and Fletcher, and Ben. Iohnson too: but what do you think, Madam I asked the Son of a Who••e for this Poem?

Emil.

O Insufferable!

Ninn.

What think you Stanford?

••ayes hold of him

Stan.

Let me go; I have no Judgment in these things.

Ninn.

But I'le you; There are not above 10, or 12000 Lines

in all the Poem: and as I hope to be sav'd, I ask'd him but twelve pence a line one line with another.

La. Vain.

And really, Sir, that's as reasonable as he can possi∣bly afford e'm, take that from me?

Sta••.

O Devil! this is worse then a Sheerness Ague: that will give a Man some respit between the Fits.

Ninn.

By my Soul, Madam, if he had been my Brother I wou'd not have abated him one penny; for you must know, there are many hundreds of Lines, that in their Intrinsick value, are worth ten shillings a Line between Father and Son; and the greatest part of e'm are worth five shillings a line: but before George ve∣ry few or none but are worth three shillings a line to the veriest Iew in Christendome; they have that salt, thought, imaginati∣on, power, spirit, soul, and flame in e'm—ha!

Emil.

What does this concern me?

Ninn.

No, but I'le tell you, Stanford, prethee hear, as I hope for mercy this Impudent Rogue told me, he would not give me two shillings for the whole Poem; an ignorant Puppy, a fellow of all the World I design'd to make, for he might have sold these Books for three shillings apiece, and I would have help'd off with 10000 of e'm, to ten thousand of my particular intimate Friends; besides, every one that had but heard of my name, which are almost all the Kings Subjects, would have bought some; so that I should not have got above six or seven hun∣dred pound, and in a fortnights time have made this fellow an Al∣derman: That such ignorant Rascalls should be Judges of VVit or Sence.

La. Vain.

VVell Sir, we shall never have good VVorld unless the State Reformes these abuses.

Ninn.

'Tis very true, Madam, for this is a thing is of Conse∣quence to the whole Nation, Stanford.

Stan.

VVhat the Devil would you have? Am I the cause of this?

〈◊〉〈◊〉.

No! Heav'n forbid I should say so: but Madam, I had forgot another Advantage he had had by this.

Emil.

Heav'n defend me! this puts me beyond all patience.

Ninn.

I'le tell you, Stanford, prethee mind me a little.

Stan.

Oh now I am undone, ruin'd for ever, Sir Positive's here.

Emili.

O intollerable!

enter Sir Positive.

Sir Pos.

to La. Vain

I heard your Ladiship was here and came to kiss your hand. Oh Stanford, art thou here? well, how dost Cozin? I am glad I have found you all together, I came to Present my Lady Vaine with a musique I have made Which his that Invention in't, I say no more but I have been this Moneth of making it, And you must know musique is a thing I value my Self upon, 'tis a thing I have thought on, and consider'd, And made my business from my Cradle.

Lov.

Come Madam, now they are settl'd in their business, let's Leave e'm.

Car.

With all my heart.

Sir Pos.

Come! you shall see it.

Emil.

Cozen! Pray let it be another time.

Sir Pos.

Nay, nay, never talk of that, you shall see't now, And let me tell you I have as much power of Invention In musique as any man in England: Come in,

Stanf.

O Heav'n, when shall we be deliver'd from these fools?

Enter Fidlers and play a ri∣diculous piece of musique.

Sir Pos

How do you like it Stanford, is it not well! what say you Cozin, ha?

La. Va.

Indeed Sir Positive, it's very agreeable.

Sir Pos.

Upon my honour this honest fellow plaid it with a great deal of glo••y, he is a most incomparable Bower, he has the most luscious, the most luxurious bow-hand of any man in Europe, take that from me, and let me tell you, if any man gives you a better account of the Intrigue of the Violin, then I do, I am a•• Owl, a Puppy, a Coxcomb, a Logger-head, or what you will.

Emil.

Sure there is Magick in this? never to be free?

Sir Pos.

Magick? why do you understand Magick?

Emil.

No, no, no, not I Cozen▪ O intollerable!

Sir Pos.

I do; if you please talk of something else, leave that to me, why I will discover lost Spoons and Linnen, resolve all horary questions, nay raise a Devil with Doctor Faustus himself, if he were alive.

Ninny

to my Lady Vain.

Woodcock a Poet? a pimp is he not?

Sir Pos.

Whose that speaks of pimping there: well! though I say't no man pretends to less then I do; but I cannot pass this by without manifest Injury to my self.

Stanf.

This Puppy rather then not be in at all will declare himself a pimp.

Lady Vaine.

But Sir, are you such a manner of man?

Sir Pos.

Why Madam? did you never hear of me for this?

Lady Vaine.

No Sir! if I had—

Sir Pos.

If I had—ha, ha, ha—why Madam, where have you liv'd all this while.

La. Vain.

O ••y upon him, Madam, I shall lose my reputation if I be seen in his Company.

Sir Pos.

Well! the pimps in this Town are a Company of empty idle fellows, they have no design in 'em.

La. Vain.

Sir, I am sorry you are such a kind of Man, but—

Sir Pos.

Sorry! well! if I would bend my self to't I would starve all these Pimps, they should not eat bread, but I am not thought fit.

La. Va.

Sure you railly all this while.

Sir Pos.

Railly! ha, ha, ha. Why there is not a Lady of Plea∣sure from Blackwall to Tuttle-Fields that I am not intimately ac∣quainted with, nay that I do not know the state of her Body from her first Entring into the Calling.

La. Vain.

O Madam! I am undone, ruin'd for ever by being in his Company.

Sir Pos.

Besides for debauching of Women, Madam, I am the greatest son of a Whore in the World if any one comes near me.

La. Vain.

Out upon you, if you be such a man I will have nothing to do with you, see me no more, I must look to my Ho∣nour, my Reputation is dearer to me then all the VVorld. I would not have a blemish in my Honour for all the riches of the Earth, this makes me so covetous of your Ladiships Company, a person of so much Vertue and Honour, but for Sir Positive I de∣fye him; forbear my presence, you will undoe my Honour for ever.

Sir Pos.

Oh what have I done?

Emil.

O horrid Impertinence!

offers to go out.

Sir Pos.

Nay, nay, Dear Cozen stay, and see us friends first, Madam, I beg a thousand pardons: 'Tis true, I said no man in England understood pimping better then my self, but I meant the speculative not the practical part of pimping.

La. Va.

O that's something, I assure you, if you had not brought your self off well with your Speculation, I would never have suffer'd you to have Practis'd upon me, for no VVoman in England values her Honour more then I do.

Enter Bridget.

Bridg.

Oh Madam, we must go to the Setting Dog and Partridge to supper to night, Master Whiskin came to invite us, there will be the Blades, and we shall have a Ball.

La. Vain.

VVill there be none but our own Company?

Bridg.

No Madam.

La. Va.

VVell! I am resolv'd not to fail if I can by any means get rid of Sir Positive, for I love meat and drink and fidles, and such merry Gentlemen with all my heart.

Enter VVoodcock.

Wood.

Your servant Dear Hearts; Madam, Emilia I kiss your hand: Dear Iack.

Emilia.

Nay, now it is time to shift for our selves.

Wood.

My Dear Bully-Rock can I serve thee in any thing?

Stanf.

Nay, then fare you well.—

Emil. and Stanf. run out at several doors, the Impertinents di∣vided follow 'em.