The scowrers a comedy : acted by Their Majesties servants / written by Tho. Shadwell ...

ACT V. SCENE I. (Book 5)

Enter Sir Will. Rant, Tope, Wildf. Ralph, Footmen and Musicians.

VVild.

Hasten the Serenade, the Morning comes on apace, 'tis almost three.

Tope.

People will be awake, and then we shall lose the great end Serenading and Scowering, which is disturbing of Mankind.

Sir VVill.

Now guilty VVretches in their frighted sleeps, Start with the Terrour of their crying sins: Now the mean, busy, undermining Knave, The treacherous Statesman who betrays his Prince, And Country, rolls, and turns himself about, The Horror of his crimes admits no rest.

Tope.

What a Devil is the Fellow mad.

Sir VVill.

The tender Virgins in soft Slumbers dream, With Innocence of all the Toys of Love; When Nature free, and undisguis'd by Art, The Genuine Dictates of the mind pursues, And they are pleased with imitated Joy.

VVildf.

VVhat's the matter man, art thou in a Fit?

Tope.

Thou art mad VVill, that's most certain. but thou hast laid down a true Doctrine, that women always dissemble, but when they are asleep: But

what a Devil do you mean? if you don't begin your Musick, Gad take me, I will roar most bloodily by my self.

Sir VVill.

Why don't the Poets always make a man, if he be damnably in Love, in any great Passion, in Haste, or a Dying, to be full of Similes and long De∣scriptions?

Tope.

And because they are Coxcombs, wilt thou be one?

VVildf.

I have extraordinary business in haste, at Three in the Morning, and I must stop till I make a Poetical Description.

Tope.

For example. The thirsty Drunkard dreams of Bottle Ale, Or sucking a whole Barrel from the Tap; The Oyly Cookmaid stretches now, and yawns, And calls on Dick the Plowman in her Sleep, Who snores with Fumes from Suffolk Cheese and Bacon: Green-sickness Maids now dream of Clay and Lime.

Now what a Devil's this to my business if they do? either begin your serenade, or I will roar and wake your Mistriss with my shrill melodious Pipe.

Wildf.

A ganders Pipe has much more Musick in't.

Sir Will.

Thou sing! she will take it for braying: but come on, Ralph is the Constables trap set to secure that passage.

Ralph.

Yes it is, they must come this way, 'tis directly from their Guard.

Sir Will.

Come then begin.

A window opens. Symphonies. Eugenia and Clara appear.

Hold, the young Ladies window opens, give me the cleft stick, Ralph. Now Tom for our Billets, good luck go with them, they are they, I see now.

Opening his dark Lanthorn.

Ladies take these Notes they concern you. Go on, and sing.

Song and Symphony.

Sir Will.

Who's at the other window?

Eugenia takes them. Mr. Rant appears at another window.

Wildf.

My Lady, I warrant you, I must stand close.

Tope.

My Lady, then I will roar, play my Rant.

Rant.

This must be my Son and his lewd Associates, but if this were the worst I could dispence with it.

The Fiddles play, and Tope roars out his rant then enter Lady Mag∣got in the Balcony.

Lady Mag.

Rogues, Villains, Thieves, Robbers, Murtherers, hold, hold.

Tope.

Hold, does the Lady treat from her Castle?

Lady Mag.

Villains, Thieves, be gone.

They sing and roar. Mr. Rant retires.

Tope.

Nay then.

Enter Constable and Watch.

Const.

Who's there? Follow, follow.

VVildf.

Come on Bell-weather of that Flock of Rascals.

Ralph.

Come Cuckolds, come on Cuckolds.

[The Constable and watch run, & all fall over a Line set cross the street, & tumble over one another, Sir Will. and the rest fall on them, & cudgel them lustily, they roar out Murther.

Const.

Follow, follow, follow, knock 'em down.

Sir VVill.

Here is a Stratagem for ye.

Tope.

Fall on the Rogues, have at the Dogs.

Enter Mr. Rant holding the door of the House in his Hand.

Mr. Rant.

Heaven! what will become of this! We shall have murther here, Sir VVilliam, Sir VVilliam.

Sir VVill.

The door opens and I am call'd, this must be from the Ladies.

VVildf.

I must sneak away, Tope you must along with me, you may do me great service and your self too.

Tope.

You may be sure I shall be civil to my self, what e're I am to you.

Exeunt Tope, Wildfire and their Servants: But Ralph & two Footmen of Sir W. remain.

Rant.

Sir VVilliam.

Sir VVill.

Who calls me?

Rant.

Tis I, follow me.

Sir VVill.

If Lucifer should lead me into this House, I would follow him.

Exeunt Mr. Rant and Sir VVilliam.

Const.

What are become of these Rogues that have maul'd us?

Ralph.

Mr. Constable, the Hectorly Rogues that fell upon you, run into the next street, and now they have lighted their Flambeaux, and are coming in Triumph o∣ver you, I and my fellow servants came just now out of my Masters house, the Justice, to assist you: Here's another Stratagem to get off without bloody Pates.

A sight of Flambeaux and a noise of Fiddles.

aside.

Enter Whachum, Bluster and Dingboy, and Servants, and Fiddles, roaring singing, and playing.

Const.

Have we met you again Rogues? you shall not escape this bout, knock 'em down.

VVhac.

We are civilly serenading.

Const.

We'll serenade ye, do you lay snares for us, and beat us when we are down?

Whac.

What a Devil does he mean now?

They fight, the Constable & his Watch beat Whachum and the rest, till the blood runs about their Faces, and take 'em Prisoners.

Const.

Knock 'em down.

Const.

Away with them, away with them.

Whach.

Why, Mr. Constable—

Const.

Come Rascals, what do you prate? away with them, 'tis Day-light.

Whach.

Damn'd Luck, but 'tis Fortune de la guerre.

Exeunt Omnes.

Enter Mr. Rant, leading Sir William by the Hand.

Sir VVill.

Whether do you lead me?

Mr. Rant.

Into full light, if you dare look upon it.

Sir VVill.

Oh Heaven, my Father!

Mr. Rant.

I wonder not at your surprise, if there be left But any Seeds of Ingenuity Within thy hardened Breast, thou could'st not bear The sight of me.

Sir VVill.

It is with great confusion, That I behold you now, I hardly dare Implore your blessing.

[He kneels.

Mr. Rant.

Heaven turn your heart: I am glad at least, you appear so much asham'd, For Shame for Faults •• one good step to Wisdom; But what hope can I have, that one short Moment Can make you turn from your long course of Lewdness, Such Lewdness as I am asham'd to think of: Such mean, such foolish Lewdness as has made Your Name too scandalous for a civil Mouth, When but even now I saw you in your Pranks——

Sir VVill.

Tis the last time.

Mr. Rant.

Till wicked drink possesses you again, That bane to Vertue and to common Sense, That makes you live in a continued Mist, Without the benefit of one clear thought; Nature has prudently contrived each Man, In the worst miseries of humane Life Would be himself, and I would be I still, But sordid Drunkenness makes you differ more From your lov'd self, than from another Man.

Sir Will.

You rouse me, Sir, out of a Lethargy.

Mr. Rant.

Ye think your selves the finest Gentlemen, When you are most to be despised or pitty'd, Not Monkeys can be more ridiculous, Besides the Infamy you most contract, In the opinion of the good and wise, As soon I'd choose a Madman for a Friend, You vomit secrets, when o'recharg'd with Wine, You often quarrel with the best of Friends: And she must be as bold as is a Lioness, Who takes you for a Husband: Drink in short: Provokes you to all Folly, to all Vice, Till you become a Nusance to Mankind; You'll say they are men of Wit, but have a care Of a great Wit, who has no Understanding.

Sir VVill.

You speak, Sir, like an Oracle.

Mr. Rant.

By Drunkeness you are useless at the best, Unless as Flys or humble Bees, meer Drones. What Office is there in a Common-wealth, A Drunkard can sustain? Unless it be one, To be a Strainer through which Claret runs, Your Nerves you weaken, and you drown your Minds; You're all meer Sops in Wine, your Brains are Bogs; A Toast is equal to a common Drunkard: You'll say you have Courage, No, it is not Valour; Valour is joyn'd with Vertue, never prostitute, But sacred, and employ'd to just Defence

Of Prince and Country, and the best of Friends, With necessary vindication of our Honour: Yours is a brutal Fierceness that annoys Mankind, and makes 'em fear and hate you too.

Sir Will.

These are unanswerable Truths.

M. Rant.

The use of common Whores is most pernicious, By which, the least you venture is your Nose And private ones you cannot gain, without Being a most perfidious Knave, and striking At the very Root of all Morality. Have I with such Tenderness bred you up? With such great care and vast Expence, infused Whatever you were capable of receiving, Taught you all Arts that could adorn a Gentleman: None with such care could cultivate a Plant.

Sir VVill.

All this with humble Gratitude I confess.

Mr. Rant.

Heaven had endued you with sufficient Wit And Parts, and you, in spight of these Advantages, Which might have made you famous in your Country, To make your self lewd, even to a Proverb! Is this your sence of Honour, and is this Your Gratitude to me, after such great Indulgence, Such good Advice, such tender Love, as I Have so long shew'd you? You have so often Set my Eyes on flowing, that I have wondred Whence the Moysture came that could supply them.

Sir VVill.

Good Sir no more you'll break my Heart, Gentle and kind Reproof I cannot bear.

Mr. Rant

I gave you such an ample Income, 'Twould have sufficed the most extravagant, Except your self, and when the Court had offered Knighthood to me, I made it be bestowed On you, Not that I think it much of Value, Unless it be conferr'd for Merit, but a bait For women. All this in order to a VVife I did, and you ungrateful.—

Sir VVill.

No more, Sir, dear and honoured Sir, pray no more, You've melted me, and wrought a passion in me, Which hitherto I've never felt, pray trust me, And I will be what you will have me, And, such as you shall never blush to own.

Mr. Rant.

Oh Will, that this conversion were but perfect; Yet, as it is, I cannot but embrace And weep over thee.

S. Will.

Oh, best of Fathers, believe me or you kill me.

Mr. Rant.

Come then into my Arms.

[He embraces and weeps over him.

Sir Will.

I will soon convince you I am Sincere, for though you have finish'd my Repentance, another had begun it. I had fix'd upon the most charming Creature in the World To be my VVife, and with your assistance, have no Reason to doubt of success; one, Sir, whom you'll Approve.

Mr. Rant.

Dear Will, who is it?

Sir Will.

It is my Cousin Eugenia, who to avoid the Tyranny of her Mother, which has been very barbarous, resolves to choose you her Guardian.

Mr. Rant.

This, this, compleats my joy, and I shall dote upon thee more than e're I griev'd for thee.

Enter La. Maggot.

La. Mag.

Oh, wicked creature, most abandon'd wretch, how darest thou be so impudent to come within my House, after the great confusion yesterday, and the uproar thou hast made to Night.

Mr. Rant.

Sister, if thou wilt pardon this, I'll pass my honour he shall never do it more, 'twas I now brought him in.

La. Mag.

You are a fine easie Father if you can hope for his amendment, but I'll see my Daughters safe; though he has by craft gotten the Key, I have a VVatch upon them.

Mr. Rant.

VVhat does she mean?

Enter Lettice.

Lettice.

There is a Messenger below will not be answer'd, he has sent up this Letter by me, but he says he must speak with you, it is a business that con∣cerns you nearly.

Lady Mag.

Thus early in the Morning, I'll lay my Life, it is to give me notice of some lewd design of my Rebellious Daughters. Hah, from Mr. Wild∣fire: O let me contain my self.

[Aside.

Reads. I have commanded my Servant to wait this Morning; till your door be open, to deliver this humble Billet.

Where is the Messenger? I must leave you for a while; Brother, pray dispatch your Lewd Son out of the House: but I have set Centinels upon my Daughters.

Mr. Rant.

They shall be safe for him, I give you my Honour.

Lady Mag.

Oh dear, dear Wildfire, thou art a Man of Honour; come, Lettice, bring me to the Messenger.

[Ex. La. & Let.

Mr. Rant.

'Tis time for you to rest Will, and I'll repose a while.

Sir Will.

Sir, let me beg of you not to sleep yet, my Lady has a wicked de∣sign of sending her Daughters into the Country this morning, to keep them Prisoners as she did before; I have, indeed, provided for a Rescue, but if you please, I had rather have it done a fairer way.

Mr. Rant.

Well, Son, we will consult about it in my Chamber.

[Ex. Mr. Rant and Sir William.

SCENE Wildfire's House.

Enter Wildfire and Tope.

Tope.

A Pox on't, this has been a damn'd sober Night, I shall be sick after it; this is your Love, with a Murrain: A Drunkard, and in Love! You will

be as bad company as a Green-sickness'd Chamber-maid; nay, worse, for she, perhaps, may be perswaded to take her Cure, Love; ha, ha, ha.

Wild.

I am convinc'd, a man will certainly have it e're he dyes, as the small Pox; look to it, Iack, yet.

Tope.

Heav'n send me the great ones rather, without the help of Sarsa, Guya∣••um or Mercury; but prithee, what service can I do thee, Tom?

Wild.

The truth is, Iack, I have sent a Billet to the Lady you would have Ravish'd yesterday and cry'd; she will come, I believe, very suddenly, hither. Will Rant and I, have some designs upon her Daughters, which we cannot effect without her absence. When she comes, I will make way for thee.

Tope.

Prithee, Tom, let me have a young Wench, I am fit for her now.

Wild.

If thou hast not love for her, I am sure thou hast malice enough for her; satisfie which passion thou wilt, so thou keepest her from interrupting us.

Tope.

Ha, this is no ill design, hah; I'll serve you in this, if she thinks me not too old to please her; I am sure I am young enough to scandalize her. Most of the young fellows now make love more for Vanity than Lust; they have more of the first, and less of the last, than any Generation since the Conquest.

Wild.

The decrepid young fools, were gotten when slavery was breaking in; and indeed, by their education, were fitted for it; they have no vigour in 'em.

[Knocking at the door.]

Hark! She's come; she's a Lady of very just dealing, and answers a ••ill of Love at sight. Iack, do thou retire, I'll come to thee instantly.

Tope.

I will; but d'ee hear, Tom, fair play.

Wild.

Upon my Honour.

[Exit Tope. Enter La Maggot.

Dear, sweet Madam, I am transported beyond my senses.

Lady Mag.

If I had not believed you to be a Man of shining honour, I would not have ventur'd for the World.

Wildf.

Sweet Madam, your Ladyship is come so much earlier than I could have suspected, that I must go and take order, that no body comes into my House, and confine my Servants to their several Posts.

La. Mag.

Sweet Sir, you deserve to be trusted by a Lady. Oh, thou dear creature, my heart and eyes yet never felt such charms.

[Ex. Wildfire hastily and locks the Lady in; she walks up and down.

Hark!

I here him coming, I'll catch him at the door. My dear, dear Strephon.

Enter Tope, La. Mag. hastily embraces him, taking for VVildfire.

Tope.

My dear, dear Phillis.

Lady Mag.

Ah, who's here, Old Satan.

Tope.

I thought you had been past the Age of squeaking.

Lady Mag.

Devil, how camest thou here?

Tope.

Sweet Lady, how camest thou here?

Lady Mag.

Abused, betrayed, undone, by Heav'n; they shall not live who have done this.

Tope.

Oh, Madam, Ladies should not kill but with their Eyes.

Lady Mag.

This Wildfire promised me assistance, to send my vile rebellious Daughters into the Country, and sent for me, telling me all was ready.

Tope.

He was not you see, but you shall find me so.

Lady Mag.

Oh Belzebub incarnate, I am confident he is a man of Honour, thou hast betray'd him; see in what Confusion I am in.

[aside.

Tope.

He is a man of Honour, and knowing the great Passion I have for your Ladyship contrived this Opportunity.

Lady Mag.

What pimp for thee? and a man of Honour!

Tope.

Pimp is a foul word, Pimps are Rogues; but men of Honour assist one another in these necessary matters, and take it for a point of Honour.

Lady Mag.

Where's the Key then, let me out thou old decrepit Tost.

Tope:

Hold there, I have some urgent business with you here.

Lady Mag.

Had I a Dagger or a Bodkin I would dispatch my self and him.

Tope.

And for old, if I don't convince you, have at you.

Lady Mag.

Ah ah, murther, help, help.

He runs at her, & kisses her.

Tope.

She squeaks like one of Sixteen, if she could but look so too, I should be more sharp set; Come sweet Madam, let us be more familiar.

He puts down his Sword.

Lady Mag.

Stand off thou driveling Drunkard, or I'll scratch thy eyes out.

Tope.

I can make love like a man, but not like a Cat, I can't caterwaul.

Tope catches hold on her Hand.

Lady Mag.

Oh vile, perfidious Villain! Wildfire.

Tope.

Look you sweet Lady, I can secure my Eyes against your Hands, ah could I have as well defended my poor Heart, against your Eyes, you had not visited this place.

Lady Mag.

Villain let go my Hands.

Tope.

Madam let go my Heart, in short Madam, I am in Love, here's an Opportunity, and I will not be baffled, we must come to a close fight.

Lady Mag.

Avoid thou worst of Devils.

Tope.

If Ladies will be civil, Iack Tope can be so too, but if not, though he uses not his Hands, yet he can use his Tongue and publish Frailties on so; consider, be not perverse, come, come, nay don't put me to wrestle, if you put me to two Exercises, I may fail you at one.

[They struggle, she gets loose, and runs to the Sword & draws it, & runs at him.

Lady Mag.

Oh impudent old Devil!

Tope.

Hold hold, Sword and Eyes are too much, for my single Weapon. Fare you well.

He runs out, and locks her in.

Lady Mag.

Oh Heaven and Earth he has lockt me in! Oh damn'd Villain, Villain! Wildfire, let me see if I can make any body hear out of the Window, I shall run mad, Confusion seize these Rascals.

Exit towards the Window.

SCENE Sir Humphry Maggots House.

Enter Eugenia, Clara, Mr. Rant, and Sir VVilliam.

Eug.

Why Sir, do you make this so nice a point of Honour? when you may save us two from Ruin.

Clara.

Sir on my Knees I beg your Protection.

Mr. Rant takes them up.

Eug.

And I on mine, or I by all that's good, will fling my self on any one, that will defend me from my Tyrant Mother.

Clara.

I cannot, will not, bear her Cruelty.

Sir Will.

Can so much Beauty be deny'd Sir?

Enter Wildfire hastily.

Wildf.

Ladies your humble Servant.

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Mr. Rant.

Who is this, Son?

Sir Will.

Mr. Wildfire, you knew his Father, a man of Quality and of great Estate, who is a convert to that Lady, as I am made to this.

Mr. Rant.

I knew him well, he was a sober honest Gentleman.

[Enter Tope.

Tope.

Sober and honest! Gad take me that's impossible.

Mr. Rant.

My old Acquaintance! Mr. Tope your Servant.

Tope.

Mr. Rant, a Miracle! who thought to have seen you here?

Mr. Rant.

You will have your Jest still.

Tope.

No faith I am in earnest, I have known an honest man that could not, but I never knew one honest that would not drink, Knaves durst not trust them∣selves with drink, it draws the Scene, and discovers them.

Wildf.

How the Devil came you here?

Tope.

You left me with the Devil, she whipt out my Sword, and if I had not run away, had run me through, but I left her safe, here's the Key.

Eug.

Good sweet Uncle, consider our sad case, and give an Answer.

Wildf.

Ladies now is the time, your Mother's absent, and is safe for some time, if you will take this opportunity, there's a Coach and Six, and half a score men well armed and mounted, Sir Williams and my Servants, that will conduct you where you please.

Clara.

We are obliged to you Sir, but I fear the Reputation of such an Escape would be worse than our Confinement.

Sir Will.

Sir I beseech you, consider and accept of their Guardianship.

Eug.

Now Sir or never, make us happy in your care of us, for let my Si∣ster be as scrupulous as she will, I will lay hold on these Gentlemens favour, and fly any where, so it be from my Mother; but Gentlemen we must not have you with us.

Mr. Rant.

Well my fair Nieces I'll protect ye, on my honor be it.

Clara.

We fling our selves wholly on you Sir,

Eug.

We trust your Honour, and will in every thing obey you.

Mr. Rant.

I never will command, but what you please.

Wild.

Now Madam you are happy, will you not pity my case, who still am miserable.

Clara.

Would you wish me to love any man till I am assured he loves him∣self, you now are your own greatest Enemy.

Wildf.

Since I hope you will now be more easy of access, I shall with the greatest Duty and Respect I can, make approaches regularly, and show you I am become another man.

Clara.

E're I shall have the Impudence to beg one Favour of you, I shall be glad to hear of your amendment Sir.

Tope.

Why Tom, Tom, this is a vile repenting strein, as if thou wert show∣ing thy parts at the Gallows, why dost thou not lay this Lewdness upon Sa∣bath breaking.

Wildf.

And ill Company Iack, Old Seducers and Corrupters.

Sir Will.

Will you be still hard hearted, this is a day of Jubilee, and you should do some generous Act of Mercy.

Euge.

No, there is a great deal to be said, and a great deal to be done, I must see a Sample of your New Life.

Sir Will.

My Life is in your Hand, dispose of it, and direct it as you please.

Tope.

You call this Love now, all Cant, Cant, and sillyer than Gypsies Cant: what a Pox you are none of you in Earnest.

[Enter Sir Humphry, & his Clerk.

Sir Hump.

Oh Brother good morrow, how do you, I was typsied last night, but they tell me you were disturb'd with Roysters, and scowreing Rogues, I protest and vow I never heard them, but the Constable has brought them before me, here in the House, I'll order them. Hah Gentleman he does not mean you, are you brought by the Constable? Oh here he is.

Enter Constable, Guard, with Whachum, Bluster, Dingboy, with black Patches upon their Wounds.

Const.

Here are the Scowrers that beat us, and wounded us, there are two of my Watch almost kill'd, and several lam'd, they broke Windows, roar'd and disturb'd your Worship too, all Night.

Sir Hump.

Oh Heaven, my Nephew! Oh Villain, profligate Villain, my Nephew! But you shall find Justice is blind, do you remember Rogues, what you did, beat me, and lam'd me.

Whac.

What a Pox care I, why did you come in the way of our Scowring? Prithee old Nuncle content your self, I am out of your Hands, and I will fling off the remainder of your City breeding, and swagger, roar and scowre, like a Gentleman of the Suburbs.

Sir Hump.

Here Clerk, make their Mittimus, and I'll send 'em to Newgate.

Tope.

I think Sir, you are one of those Gentlemen, that we beat and kick'd very much, last Night.

Whach.

Send me to Newgate? Let me speak in your Ear, how much Treason did you talk before me and my Friends?

Blust.

What Healths and Confusions did you drink?

Ding.

What secret Correspondence, and who invited the French Fleet last summer?

Whach.

By these ten bones, all shall out if you presume.

Sir Hump.

I shall be hang'd. What says the Rogue? Go out Constable and Watch into the next Room, leave your Prisoner.

Enter La. Mag. in a Fury.

Lady Mag.

Oh Heaven and Earth are they here! betray'd, abused, most villanously abused! Oh thou old Devil in Grain, and thou worst of all, thou base dishonourable Rascal.

She flies at their Faces.

Sir Hump.

VVhy Chicken, Chicken.

Lady Mag.

Make their Mittimus, I'll give you sufficient Reason, sit in your Seat of Justice, and give me my Oath.

Sir Hump.

I will Chicken, I will.

Mr. Rant.

VVhat can this mean?

Wildf.

Madam let me advise you, you will suffer in your Honour. This Ring will be testimony.

La. Mag.

I'll swear you stole it from me, and you shall be hang'd for it:

Wild.

Tope and my man are better evidence, Madam.

La. Mag.

Thou most detestable malicious toad.

Tope.

Stir not this matter farther, if you do I'll tell all I know, and more.

Lady Mag.

VVhat has my rashness brought me to, I will run into a mad-house, and never see the world again.

Going off.

Sir Hump.

VVhy Chicken, I am ready, lay thy pretty hand on the book.

Whac.

Hold Madam, pray make good your bargain with me, did not I agree to give you 5000l. for one of your Daughters.

Lady Mag.

Out you impudent Rascal; does all the world conspire-against me!

She takes the Cane out of her Husbands hands and beats VVhachum.

Whac.

VVhat a Pox, what a Devil are you mad? Ounds I'll turn again.

Mr. Rant.

Sister, sister, I beseech you contain your self.

Lady Mag.

I cannot contain, will not contain, Flesh and Blood cannot con∣tain, never Lady was so betray'd, abused, and disappointed; Hell take you all.

Enter Priscilla.

Exit Lady Maggot.

Prisc.

Oh Ladies have pity on me, I believe some Rogue that had a mind to marry me, gave me Deutery last Night, and I was disguis'd and lost the Key too, and my Lady has discharged me, to beg in my old Age.

Eugen.

Fear not, we'll provide for you.

Sir Will.

VVill you not provide for me, Madam, or at least give me some hopes.

Wildf.

And can you, Madam, can you have the heart to use your Conquest to destroy me?

Clara.

I know of no conquest of mine, nor will I believe it till I see you have conquer'd your self.

Sir Will.

What time will it require to satisfie you of my conversion?

Eugen.

Why you must be at least a years Probationer before you enter into the vow of Chastity, if I believe you then.

Sir Will.

Twill be a thousand without you, Madam, I hope you will relent.

Clara.

It must be a Year at least, and then, for ought I know, you may serve longer.

Wildf.

You are absolute, and must govern me, I'll strive by all the Services. I can to mollify your Heart.

Eugen.

The Pomps and all the Vanities of this wicked Town you must re∣nounce.

Clara.

Wine, Women, and base Company.

Sir Will.

Upon my Knees I vow to it.

Wild.

And I for ever to observe it.

Mr. Rant.

I will be Umpire in this Business, and I doubt not but to bring my Nieces to Reason.

Sir Hump.

What are you disposing of my Ladies Daughters without her Consent.

Mr. Rant.

No Sir, nothing shall be done without her Confent, I will convince her, of what e're I do shall be to her Honour, and her Daughters Advantage.

Whac.

Where's my Wife in the mean time? I forbid the Banes.

Sir Will.

Sirrah, Coxcomb, if you speak one word I'll slit your VVindpipe.

Whach.

Very well, very well, no more to be said: Pox on him; I begin to hate him now, I don't think him a fine Gentleman.

Tope.

VVhy what a Devil are you mad? I thought you had been Drolling, or Fooling all this while, are you in earnest?

Sir Will.

Most certainly.

Wildf.

And I, Iack, we must part.

Tope.

Ha, ha, ha, fine Fools, turn sober Sots, give over all Vanities, as you call 'em, for the greatest Vanity on the Earth, Matrimony! you may leave any other Vanities when you please, but that will stick to you with a Vengance. Matrimony ha, ha ha, there's nothing in the world worth being in earnest, I am sure not being sober, 'tis all a Farce.

Mr. Rant.

I hope for, old Acquaintance, you will embrace this motion, reform, and live a sober Country Life, then we shall be Neighbours.

Tope.

Reform, quoth he, 'tis a pretty age, at Five and Fifty to begin to lead a new Life: No, no, I have gone too far to retreat, I must charge through, I'll drink like a Fish, these Fifty Years, these Fellows will be at Asses Milk, within six Months, and dye o'th' Pip soon after.

Whach.

This old Gentlemans a gallant man, Godsookes, I'll whore, drink, swagger and scowre while I live.

Blust.

Ah brave Squire.

Ding.

Oh noble Squire.

They embrace VVhachum.

Tope.

Farewel you Apostates, sneaking sober Sots, go marry, marry, you are fit for no other purpose.

Exit Tope.

Sir Hump.

So Brother, I have lost a Nephew, you have found a Son.

Mr. Rant.

Old Habits are with Difficulty broken, And Fools are ever found most obstinate; But the least Seeds of VVit with Understanding. VVill in some time spring up, and grow and thrive, And bear down the rank VVeeds of Vice and Folly.

Wild.

Ladies your Charms a miracle have wrought, And early us home to our selves have brought; No pow'r but Love could thus call back a stray, From all the crooked Paths, to the right way.

Sir Will.

But where VVit, Beauty, Vertue keep the Field, As Prisoners at discretion, all must yield, Those Forces joyn'd, subdue all Vanities; The most compendious way of being wise, Is to be Convert to a Ladies Eyes.

Exeunt.

FINIS.