The scowrers a comedy : acted by Their Majesties servants / written by Tho. Shadwell ...

ACT II. SCENE I. (Book 2)

Enter Priscilla, Clara, Eugenia.

Pris.

WHat account shall I give of my Charge, and Guardianship? my Lady sends you out under my prudent conduct, as I may say, to look after Commodes and Top knots, with a flat Injunction not to see this lewd place, the Park.

Eug.

Did she so old Mumpsimus?

Prisc.

And you in Contempt of her soveraign power, and my lawful autho∣rity under her, presume to come hither; what shall I do? what shall I say?

Clara.

Can flesh and blood forbear this sweet, this most delicious place?

Pris.

Flesh and Blood! Yes, it is a place fit for the carrying on the designs of flesh and blood indeed.

Eug:

And what dost thou take us for Spirits, Woman?

Pris.

Come come Gentlewomen, my Lady is a wise woman: This is the Exchange for Lovers: Here they meet, and if they absent themselves are lookt upon as broken; nay worse, it is the Rendevouz of Fornicators and Adulterers.

Clara.

Tis the Rendevouz of all who have sense enough to love the deli∣catest place on Earth.

Pris.

But I have a secret to tell you, it concerns you Madam Clara, I have found from Sir Humphrey your Father in Law, that he has made a match be∣tween his Nephew Mr. Whachum and you.

Eug.

The Devil he shall! there's a mechanick thing, there is not such an odious creature as a City Spark.

Pris.

Don't you trouble your self, his Uncle says you are not sober enough for him.

Clara.

Nor I fool enough for him, I thank Heaven, a filthy City wit, those Fellows are as lewd as the Gentlemen every whit, only more impudent, foolish and ill-manner'd.

Eug.

Dear Clara thou art in the right, when a man is lewd with a bon Grace

there's something in it; but a Fellow that is aukwardly wicked is not to be born.

Pris.

He wicked! why he is a Student of the Inns of Court, Madam Eugenia.

Eug.

Well you had a great secret for my Sister, and I have one for you: In short we are both resolv'd not to endure any longer the intolerable Yoke of Arbitrary power, under which we have so long groan'd, if you will comply, one or both of us will provide for you:

Clara.

And preserve you from making Night-caps or footing Stockings in a Garret, the pitiful remnant of thy decrepid Life.

Pris.

Oh times and manners! will you break loose from all Government? I shall be undone, what will my Lady say, if she knows that you saw your Co∣zen Rant here yesterday?

Eug.

Mutter no more under thy Gums, old Sybil I did see my Cozen yester∣day, and I hope to see him this day, and every day of my life; keep your di∣stance, we that are resolv'd to cast off my Mothers Tyranny, will no longer suffer thy Insolence.

Pris.

What will become of poor me?

Clara.

We are true English women, Co-heirs of two thousand pounds a year, and are resolv'd to assert our Liberty and Property.

Eug.

Does my Mother think she shall mew us up any more, at her Jointure house, old Doe little?

Clara.

Amongst poor innocent country things, who never stir beyond the Parish but to some Fair.

Pris.

Did she not bestow good breeding upon you there?

Eugen.

Breeding! what to learn to feed Ducklings, and cram Chickens?

Clara.

To see Cows milkd, learn to churn, and make cheese?

Eugen.

To make clouted cream, and whipt Sillabubs?

Clara.

To make a Caraway Cake, and raise Py-crust?

Eugen.

And to learn the top of your skill in Syrrup, Sweat-meats, Aqua mi∣rabilis, and Snayl water.

Clara.

Or your great cunning in Cheese-cakes, several Creams and Almond∣butter.

Pris.

Ay ay, and 'twere better for all the Gentlemen in England if their Wives had no other breeding, but you had Musick and Dancing.

Eug.

Yes an ignorant, illiterate hopping Puppy, that rides his dancing Cir∣cuit thirty miles about, Lights off his tyred Steed, draws his Kit at a poor country creature, and gives her a Hich in her pace, that she shall never recover.

Clara.

And for Musick an old hoarse singing man riding ten miles from his Cathedral to Quaver out the Glories of our Birth and State, or it may be a Scotch Song more hideous and barbarous than an Irish Cronan.

Eug.

And another Musick-master from the next Town to teach one to twin∣kle out Lilly burlero upon an old pair of Virginals, that sound worse than a Tin∣kers kettle that he crys his work upon—we'll ha' no more on't, we are come up to London and common sense, and we defy thee and thy works.

Clara.

Keep distance.

Eugen.

Avoid thou that think'st because thou art old thou must be wise.

Clara.

Avaunt we'll have no more to do with thee.

Euge.

Attend.

Clara.

Obey.

Euge.

Be under good Discipline.

Clara.

Be a towardly old Governess.

Euge.

We are free from this minute.

Clara.

Never more to hear thy wise advice,

Eugen.

Thy old Saws, and foolish Sayings.

Clara.

We will pare our Nails on any day of the Week.

Eug.

And do what we will upon Childermas day, oh my dear Sister! How happy are we to come to this most blessed Town, and these most heavenly walks.

Clara.

This Paradice of the world.

Eugen.

Oh this Cozen of ours, he is the prettyest man my Eyes e're yet beheld.

Clara.

But sure Eugenia thou art mad.

Eug.

Yes I am mad, stark mad, in love with him, and will be mad.

Clara.

Thou art mad indeed, in love with so wild a man?

Eug.

Wild, never trouble thy self for that, my dear! I warrant thee I'le tame him, the wilder the better.

Clara.

This is stark staring madness, why this lewd Cozen of ours, they say, has had all the women in Town that are to be had for Love or Money.

Eug.

Sayst thou so my Child? then will my conquest be the greater, and I shall triumph over all them he has had, and he will be the more likely to be constant to me whom he never had.

Clara.

A short Triumph 'twould be, till he can meet with another weak e∣nough to be taken.

Eug.

I would not give a Farthing for her that cannot secure the Conquest she has made: I will have him, and I am mistaken if he be not as fierce upon me, as I am upon him.

Clara.

Thou art a mad Girl, I would not fall in love with a wild Fellow of the Town, if he would Jointure me with the East-Indies.

Eug.

I could not, would not, but have fallen in love with this wild Fellow of the Town, to have been Mistress of all the Gold and Jewels in both Indies.

Clara.

Heaven defend me.

Eug.

Thou art only fit to be Spouse to some Ladies darling, who has been cocker'd with Cawdles by his Lady mother, bred under a very humble civil Tutor in the house, who is always in most profound awe of his Pupil, from whence to the University he goes, where Divines (for the great respect they have to some Livings in his gift) flatter and indulge him in what he thinks fit.

Clara.

You are very merrily dispos'd.

Eug.

From thence the Fop comes home, and sets up his rest upon Horses, and Dogs, rides for a place, grows a most furious Nimrod, and hunts perpe∣tually.

Clara.

Will the Alarum of your Tongue never be down?

Eugen.

Come let's walk, and see if we can spy this same dear, dear, wild, very wild cousin, come along.

Exeunt Eugen. and Clara.

Prisc.

Mercy on me, the World's turn'd topsy turvy. My Lady will kill me: She is a very Fury, and when provok'd, nor man, woman nor child can stand in her way.

Exit Priscilla.

Enter Whachum, Bluster and Dingboy.

Whach.

My dear Rogues! Dear Dogs! Bluster and Dingboy! you are the bravest fellows that ever scowred yet.

Blust.

Dear Squire VVhachum! If ever there was such soowring in High-Holbourn since 'twas built, may I never taste Nants-Brandy more at midnight.

Ding.

The Nation will ring of us; such Exploits! such Atchievements! Not a window left in all the Inns of Chancery; those Hives of Attorneys, those Suit-breeders, those Litigious Rogues, the Sons of Court-hand, Copy Paper and Green Wax.

Blust.

Not a Tavern window in all the street has a Quarrel in it.

VVhach.

Then how we scowr'd the Market people, overthrew the Butter∣women, defeated the Pippin-Merchants, wip'd out the Milk-scores, pull'd off the Door-knockers, Dawb'd the gilt Signs!

Ding.

But a pox on't, we were confoundedly beaten by the Hellish Consta∣ble and his Posse of Scoundrel Dogs.

Blust.

That most Damnable Inflexible Prig that bound us over this morning must be toss'd in a Blanket.

Ding.

Slit in the Nose, and suffer other operations not very agreeable to him.

VVhach.

No, let's be brave, but not too brave, I'll pay for the Windows and all; my Head's broken, but no matter I'll not be dismay'd: Well, never men laugh'd and roar'd more: This same Flipp and Punch are rare drinks.

Ding.

Nāy, I'll hang for't if there be a knot of better Laughers in England.

VVhach.

We'll laugh with e're a gang in England for a thousand pound. Why laughing's all the joy of a mans life.

Blust.

Then we have scowr'd so magnanimously these three nights, that we were taken for Sir VVilliam Rant and his company.

VVhach.

Sir VVilliam? no, no; oh Sir VVilliam is the finest, compleatest Gentleman that ever wore a head.

Ding.

There are others, Squire, that shall be nameless.

VVhach.

Oh no, never talk on't: there will never be his Fellow. Oh had you seen him scowre as I did, oh so delicately, so like a Gentleman! how he clear'd the Rose-Tavern! I was there about Law business, compounding for a Bastard, and he and two fine Gentlemen came roaring in the handsomeliest, and the most genteely turn'd us all out of the Room, and swing'd us, and kick'd us about, I vow to Gad, 'twould have done your heart good to have seen it.

Blust.

l'faith did he? ha, ha, ha.

Ding.

Brave fellows! ha, ha, ha.

Whach.

Aye, was't not handsome, ha, ha, ha. And in a minutes time clear'd the whole house, and broke all the windows, beat the woman at the Bar, and swagger'd by themselves. Ha, ha, ha.

Blust.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ding.

Ha, ha, ha.

VVhach.

Peace, peace; hold, hold! Here he comes, with his brave Friends. Stand by, and observe. Look you there, look you there, there's a fine person! there's a compleat Gentleman!

Enter Sir William Rant, Wildfire and Tope.

Blust.

A good pretty man.

Ding.

The man's well enough, but Squire VVhachum I say for all that.

VVhach.

O fie fie, Pretty-man! well he shall be my pattern while I live, an't please Heaven. You shall see him, oh if did you but hear him swear and curse you'd be in love with him! He does 'em so like a Gentleman, while a company of ye here about the Town, pop out your Oaths like pellets out of Elder Guns. They come so easily, so sweetly from him, even like Musick from an Organ-Pipe.

Sir VVill.

What do they lay more upon us than we did? who the Devil should these be that scowre so to be taken for us?

VVildf.

Puh, pox these must be some Scoundrels that prophane our noble actions with vile bungling imitation.

Tope.

A man wou'd think we need no imputative wickedness.

Sir VVill.

These Mushroom Scowrers had best see they do it handsomely, and bring no disgrace upon us, or we may chance to whip some of 'em thro' the Lungs about that business.

Whach.

Do you hear Bluster and Dingboy? Oh if Fate, and my own In∣dustry, could ever make me like this Dear, this gallant, Sir William, I were at the end of my Ambition.

Wild.

'Tis a hard thing to scowre naturally, and handsomely.

Tope.

Every Puppy, now a-days, presumes to set up for a Drunkard; but there are more good qualities requisite to a Drunkard than to a Minister of State, or a deep Divine. I'll pick up fellows fit for great men every hour in the Streets, but a Drunkard.—

Sir Will.

Well said, Iack Tope, thou art in the right, he must be of Mien and Person not ungraceful, of pleasing Speech, sharp must his Wit be, and his Judgment solid.

Wildf.

He must be chearful, easie, and well temper'd.

Tope.

He must be well bred have seen the World; learn'd, knowing, and retentive of a secret: He must have Truth and Courage.

Sir Will.

In short, he must be just such a fellow as thou art, if it be possible; while all thy Contemporaries have either Dyed, or left off, and grown sober Sots, thou still perseverest in generous Lewdness.

Wild.

He is only to blame a little, to brush up the Ladies so much, when he's an Ancient Gentleman, and knows his own ability.

Tope.

Prithee Stripling, trouble not thy self with what I can do, I can make love enough to make a Husband or Gallant Jealous, and that's as good as any thing thou canst do.

Whach.

Look you there now! Well, all Europe cannot show a knot of finer Wits, and braver Gentlemen.

Ding.

Faith, they are pretty smart men.

Blust.

The Gentlemen, I must confess, are pretty Gentlemen; but time shall try. I'll say no more——

Sir Will.

Gentlemen, I have an adventure will separate as for a while; but this shall be our Randezvous.

Wild.

'Tis not fit for a Gentleman to be without an Adventure in this place, Iack Tope.

Tope.

Pox o' your Whores! I come here to venture for a good stomach to my Calvert Salmon, and my Turbot; your lazy fellows lose the pleasure of the Park, you shou'd be here in a morning, and observe crowching Spaniels hastning to some great mans Levee, whom they wish hang'd; and lean, assi∣duous knaves of business running from Office to Office, to get all they can under the Government they hate.

Wild.

How many Villains that wish the Government destroyed, yet crowd for places in it.

Sir Will.

Such Rogues can do the Government no harm if they be kept out. But Tope, if thou growst politick, and troublest thy self how matters go, thou art too solid for a Drunkard, and must knock off.

Tope.

I knock off! Gad I scorn your words, I'll bury two or three hundred of you. Hem, hem, I'll scowre in the Mall now, if you will, without the help of Spirit of Clary, fasting, and in cold blood: Come on, fall on, I need no pro∣vocations to Lewdness.

Sir Will.

Hold hold, a Sayl! a sayl! Each part, and cruise about.

Wild.

Adieu for a while.

Tope.

A while! a pox o' your damn'd Caterwauling: Think on the Turbott and the Calvert Salmon at Lockets.

Sir Will.

Two a clock be the time.

Ex. Sir Wil. Rant, Wildfire and Tope.

Whach.

Let's follow at a distance and observe 'em. They are the bravest Blades, and purest Witts in Christendom.

Ding.

But hark you Squire, by their discourse, even now, they seem to be Whiggs.

Blust.

Damn'd Whiggs methinks.

Whac.

I am afraid they are a little Whiggish; really 'tis a thousand pities, they have kept ill company.

Enter Sir Humphry Maggot.

Cods me, here's my Uncle! Great souls contain your selves.

Sir Humph.

How Nephew! What you are never to be found in your Chamber of late: How will your studies go on at this rate?

Whach.

I was not well this morning, and came to take a little air.

Sir Humph.

Air, say you? Is there not as good air in Westminster-hall? Yes, and a profitable air some find it. I went thither expecting to find you upon a Cricket, civilly taking Reports, I think they call 'em.

Whach.

In good time Sir.

Sir Humph.

In good time! Come mind your business, I have made a match for you with my wives second daughter; the first is a Mad-cap, I'll have no∣thing to do with her; but the second for my money. I have agreed with her Mother that you shall give 5000l.

Whach.

I am for the eldest, she is for a mad fellows. She will fall in love with me, and I'll marry her for nothing.

Aside

Sir Humph.

How! What Companions are these?

Whac.

Students of the Temple Sir, hard Students, very hard Students.

Sir Humph.

Students of the Temple? they look like Students of White-Fryers.

Whac.

Have a care what you say Sir? your words will be actionable, they study hard all nights, lye rough, and seldom go to bed.

Sir Humph.

Have they read the Year books?

Whac.

Read all all.

Ding.

The Devil o' bit, read quoth he?

Bluster.

Year books! I never read any thing but Gazettes, those are the week books.

Sir Humph.

Well Gentlemen de'e hear any news •• I hear the Pope and the King of France are agreed.

Ding.

We hard Students never mind News, but that's very good.

Sir Humph.

Hold I see one that owes me Money, stay I'll come to you here and tell you more, I hope we are all honest.

Whach.

Oh aye.

Sir Humph.

Do you and they come dine with me then.

Exit Sir Hump.

Whac.

A pox on him, he has hindered us observing these fine Gentlemen, let's walk, we shall lose them.

Exeunt Whachum, Dingboy and Bluster.

Enter Lady Maggot, after her Tope.

Lady Magg.

Are there no Gallants left? poor gentle love is now neglected, and all mens heads lye towards Knavery and Business. I have walk'd the whole length of the Mall alone, on purpose for an amorous Adventure, and met none; nor have had any observe me except this old Red nos'd, better'd Drunkard, and yet my shape and habit are enough inviting, besides some Jew∣els which I seem to conceal, and yet take care to expose, shew my Wealth and Quality sufficiently.

Enter Sir Humphry.

Tope.

What solitary adventure is this? she is richly laden, I'll lay her on board with my two Pounders and my Patercras

Sir Hump.

That must be my sweet Duckling—I know her by her pretty waddle in her Gate—besides I have had a sight of her Rump Jewel: I know it—my Dear, my Chicken I know thee well enough.

Lady Mag.

Unlucky Omen for a Lady to be pick'd up by her own musty Husband first? How now, what old Fellow art thou?

Sir Humph.

Come Chicken! don't think to bob thy own Dear, don't I know that Jewel?

Tope.

Ha! This is the Aldermans Wife, I'le cuckold him, that's certain: I have not cuckolded an Alderman these 7 years. If honest Iack Tope 〈◊〉〈◊〉 live to be kept in his old Age? Hah!

La Mag.

Well Sneak-goose what then? what do you come poking hither for?

Sir Humph.

Come Chicken, I'le take a walk with thee.

La. Mag.

With me! I faith but you shall not, when did you ever see a La∣dy of my Quality walk with her own Husband? well I shall never reach a Citizen manners. I warrant you think you are in Moor-Fields seeing Haber∣dashers walking with their whole Fireside.

Sir Hum.

Prithee Chicken be appeas'd:

La. Mag.

Chicken! you are very familiar, what you would have the world believe you Jealous?

Sir Hum.

Who I Jealous? Heaven forbid.

La. Mag.

Besides a Lady of my Quality, that have so many great people of kin to me, to be seen with a pitiful mechanick Alderman. I have dis∣grac'd the Ancient Noble Family of the Rants enough already in marrying you. Be gone I say out of the Park.

Sir. Humph.

Well Chicken, thou wilt have thy own way, be not offended no more, I am gone.

Exit Sir Humphry.

Tope.

So now have at her, pray Heaven she be sound—she's of Quality—hah! may be ne're the founder for that neither—Hail solitary Damsel! by thy pensive-walking I find thou art in Distress; and being a true Knight Errant, come to offer thee the succour of my person.

L. Mag.

Not in so much distress neither.

Tope.

These Vizards have all gotten a road of talking pertly and impudent∣ly, they learn it of the Beaux; come, I know what 'tis thou want'st; I am ready to pay a Bill at sight.

L. Mag.

What do you think I have a mind to drink a Bottle or two?

Tope.

No, thou pervese creature, thou knowst my meaning well enough; if thou wilt have me speak broad I can bear it, have at thee.

L. Mag.

Hold, hold, methinks you seem to be an Ancient Gentleman.

Tope.

Ancient! Gad take me, I am tough, and well season'd! All this last Generation were but half gotten, and have the Rickets.

L. Mag.

Do not grow troublesome.

Tope.

Troublesome, Sweet-heart, be not foolish: Ah! thou knowst not what's in me.

L. Mag.

Yes, I suppose last Nights lewd Dose, and two Bottles this Morn∣ing: That an old Gentleman with one foot in the Grave should be thus lewd.

Tope.

Ounds! I cou'd find in my heart to kick her; she has provok'd my choller more than ever she can raise my love. But I will dissemble, a whore she is, my whore I'll make her, that I may revenge the indignity, and use her scuryily. Come, my Dear, thou dost not take me for a Milk-sop, to ac∣cept of one denial—Have at her.

—Women born to be controll'd, Stoop to the forward and the bold.

La. Mag.

Old Gentleman be civil.

Tope.

Old agen! you women are for the young stripling that switch, and spur a short race like Citizens on May-day in the Park, but we solid Lovers are for the whole course, come come I know what you come for, and you shall not go without it—I'le carry you to a Friends Lodging—and I gad I'll, I'll—no more to be said.

La. Mag.

You are a sawcy old Fool, and I'll have you kickt.

Tope.

Come, come, you shall go, no matter for that.

La. Mag.

Help, help, help!

Enter Wildf.

Wild.

A Lady in Distress! Do you want my assistance? I am at your ser∣vice—How now Iack, what Ravishing?

La. Mag.

I see you are a man of Honour, a thousand thanks for delivering me from the Assaults of this Libidinous Goat. He is the finest Gentleman I ever saw.

Aside.

Wild.

So fine a Lady shall never want any Service I can do her.

La. Mag.

Sweet Sir, really your manner is so obliging.

Tope.

These damn'd young Fellows, like Dutch Capers, will snap up all Adventurers, they have the better of us at cruising, we have no game to play at but ready Whore, ready Money.

Wild.

You do me too much honour

La. Mag.

O I am charm'd with him—

(aside)

You have so infi∣nitely oblig'd me, that Sir I assure you I shall be always proud of it, and hope to see you at my house in Soho Square.

Wild.

You make me blush at my little service: Alas that Gentleman may say what he will, he puts on a rough outside, but he is a very harmless man to a Lady as can be.

Tope.

Prithee, now I see her Face take her and make your best on't.

La. Mag.

Was there ever so rude a Person?

Wild.

You know where you are Sir.

Tope.

What Sir?

Wild.

Prithee Iack Tope dissemble a little, there's a trick in't, it shall turn to thy good.

Tope.

Pox on her? I care not if she were hang'd.

Exit Tope.

Lady Mag.

Sir I beseech you engage not your Person in my Quarrel, if any hurt should come on't, I should for ever hate and curse my self.

Wild.

Not on my honour—this is Maggot the Aldermans wife, she has two pretty Daughters come to Town, and great Fortunes; besides tho she is declining, she is but a little on the other side of the Hill, and looks well and lusty.

Lady Mag.

Sir I fear you are meditating on Revenge upon that old Ruffian; I shall wish I had never been born, if I should engage so fine a Gentleman in danger, for that reason let me desire the honour of your walking with me while I am in the Mall, and afterwards if you please to protect me to my House; I shall there be able to make in some measure a return for this signal favour.

Wild.

I am your Slave Madam, wholly at your disposal.

Lady Mag.

Oh lucky adventure! this was the happiest moment of my Life.

aside.

Who's here my Daughters Governess?

Enter Pris.

Caytiff what dost thou from thy charge? where are my Daughters?

Pris.

My charge, they have broken loose from me and defy'd me, and you too: They forc'd me to the Park, here they are taken up by a wild Fellow; who bid his Footmen seize on me and toss me in a Blanket.

Lady Mag.

Oh vile wretch! I'le strangle thee, I'le tear thy Windpipe out, where are they? speak, speak, speak.

Pris.

Hold off your hands. you choke me, I can't speak.

Lady Mag.

Where where, you old Iudas?

Pris.

At the further end of the Mall.

Lady Mag.

Forgive my indecent passion, and let me beg your assistance—follow Beldame.

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Wild.

I wait on you Madam, this was a happy opportunity.

[aside. Exeunt.

Enter Sir William Rant, Eugenia and Clara.

Clara.

Dear Sister, Let's go, I tremble every Joynt, Oh if my Mother should see us?

Sir Will.

Dear pretty Cozen know thy power, and desy the Tyranny of thy Mother.

Clara.

The only man my Mother has perpetually warn'd us oss.

Sir Will.

Ha! I am glad of that, she could not possibly have contriv'd better to bring us together.

[Aside.]

But dear Eugenia, thou sweetest creature that the Earth e're bore! consider thy own confinement, and my misery: There is not in a Dungeon such a wretch as I should be without thy kindness.

Eugen.

What you take me for a poor weak country thing, as ready to be caught as any Fool you ever ruin'd yet; I'll make you know I am above your Arts.

Sir Will.

You are to me what e're you please to be, but I to you must be the truest, and the heartiest Lover that ever Beauty was too hard for yet.

Eugen.

You talk as if you were serious, can you imagine this will pass, how smoothly you rehearse it?

Sir Will.

Tear out my heart and thou wilt find thy Image there:

Eugen.

Fustian! rapture! said to a hundred tawdy things in a week. Can you think me so mad to fling my self away upon so notorious a lewd creature? 'Tis a certain ruin to be seen with you.

Sir Will.

I am struck in a moment, you have already converted me, I will be as remarkable in my penitence, as ever I was in my wickedness, Parsons shall write books of it, and preach upon it while I am living.

Eugen.

A very pretty piece of Raillery.

Sir Will.

Raillery! by Heaven and Earth!

Eug.

Nay, nay, no swearing, your Bead roll's long enough already, you shall shave no Sin added to it upon my account.

Clara.

Sister, dear Sister lets be gone.

Sir Will.

All the Sins I ever shall commit will fall upon you, I shall run mad, stark mad, most furiously mad.

Euge.

What madder than you have been?

Sir Will.

My former life will be thought an Anchorets to what will follow, if you refuse me. I am resolv'd to use all the ways that e're were try'd to gain a woman,—and did the world depend on me, I'de ruin all before I'de lose you.

Clara.

Oh fearful, I dare not hear him any longer.

Eugen.

Softly good Sir, he that dares make love to me must undergo a Task too hard for you.

Sir Will.

Name it, there's nothing too hard for such a Lover.

Eug.

I must have my weekly Tribute of Sonnet and Madrigal, full of sacred, divine, Nymph and Goddess.

Sir Will.

It shall be done.

Eug.

And my daily offering of humble, and disconsolate billets do 〈◊〉〈◊〉 about the Lustre of my Beauty, the light of my Eyes, &c.

Sir Will.

And this.

Eugen.

I must have all former women sacrific'd to me, and he must not dare to look upon another besides me.

Sir Will.

All all, if I had ten thousand.

Eugen.

All lewd Company must be deserted, and Wine abolished save three Glasses at a meal, and he must be the pattern of Vertue for the whole Town, consider now, and tremble.

Sir Will.

All this shall be done, I have considered, and will consider no more, nor think, nor live any longer than I shall call Eugenia mine.

Enter Lady Maggot, Wildfire and Priscilla.

La Mag.

Oh Heaven they are here with my Nephew, the lewdest wretch that ever breath'd this wicked air, but hold!

Clara.

What delicate man is this? He is a most surprizing creature, Heav'n! would I had not seen him!

Clara looking about, spies Wildfire first.

Wild.

What Angel's this? I ne'r saw Beauty till this minute. She has struck me under the left Pap.

Clara.

Oh my Mother.

La. Mag.

Do you start you Baggages? were it not in the Park, I'd make you such Examples of my Rage—come along—I'll rout you out of this place. Go, go packing through St. Iames's house: I'll bring up the Rear. Follow 'em you old Gipsy, Governess. Nephew how dare you commit this outrage, this insolence upon me! Avoid my presence, and never more come near me or my house.

Wild.

This new Beauty has fir'd me, and blown me up.

Sir Will.

Look thee, my Termagant, Masculine, He-Aunt, if thou usest me or my Cousins thus, I will scowre, and roar thee out of Soho-Square into Mark-lane again: And that will break thy heart.

La. Mag.

I will consider of that. Sir, if you please let me still hold the honour of your company; haste, haste.

To Wildfire.

Wild.

Why how now Tom!

Sir Will.

Peace Will peace, I'll keep my time▪

[Ex. Wild. and Lady Mag.

Tope.

What a Devil has Tom Wildfire taken up my Aunt?

Enter Tope.

Tope.

How now Knight Errant, have you done adventuring for Surgeons work? 'tis almost Dinner time, I long for Brimmers, did you see who went off with your Aunt! is she given to stumble? will she take a stone in her Ear?

Sir Will.

She comes of a good strain by the Males, but come along with me we'll make 'em a visit, what Rogues are these?

[Enter Whac. Ding. and Blust.

They have dog'd and star'd at us ever since we came into the Park, one looks like a tawdry Spark of the City, and the other two like Bayliffs followers.

Whach.

Sir, I understand Sir, that you are Sir William Rant, Sir.

Sir Will.

I am, w••at then?

Whac.

Nay no offence, my name is Tim Whachum, Alderman Whachums Son deceased, and Alderman Maggot your Uncle in laws Nephew.

Sir Will.

It may be so.

Tope.

What would this Puppy be at?

Whach.

I have seen your Person before, and admir'd you, I have seen you scower so rarely, Sir I have had a mighty Ambition for the honour of your ac∣quaintance;

For my part Sir, I am a very mad Fellow as any wears a head, and I conceive Sir you love a mad Fellow.

Sir Will.

A very pleasant Rascal.

Whach.

I have heard Sir, that you delight much in drinking, whoring, scow∣ring, beating the Watch, breaking Windows and serenading, and the like Sir.

Sir Will.

Was there ever such an awkard Rogue, to make a man out of love with Lewdness

Whac.

Now if there be madder Fellows about the Town than I, and my two Companions—Why we have been bound over to the Sessions three times this week. I suppose you may have heard of our roaring about Holbourn, Fet∣ter-lane, Salisbury court, &c.

Sir Will.

Yes I have Sir, and you are most gallant, and magnanimous Fel∣lows. Now all's out Iack Tope, we will so swinge these Rogues, Here's a Fellow of this Nuncles breeding.

Whach.

Now good noble Sir if you please to honour us with your Acquain∣tance, I vow to Gad Sir, I shall be as proud Sir, as proud Sir as—

Sir Will.

Sir 'tis much to my Advantage, and I embrace the honour most greedily.

Whach.

Well here's the finest Gentleman that ever beat a Constable, let him be whom he will; Sir, Sir I am most infinitely overjoy'd, be pleas'd to know my Friends, Godsookes, they are as gallant Fellows as ever walk'd the streets at Midnight.

Sir Will.

Your Servant Gentlemen.

Ding

Your most obsequious Spaniel.

Blust.

Your most humble Trout.

Tope.

Trout! Pox on him for a Blockhead, is that Fellow a Trout?

Sir Will.

Be pleas'd to know my Friend.

Whach.

Sir I am no Stranger to your Worth, and Magnanimity; now no∣ble Sir if you, and your Gang will compleat this Hononr, and sup with us to night at the Bear and Harrow, behind St. Clements, where we intend to begin our Frolick; it may be Sir you may see scowring that will not be amiss.

Sir Will.

We will, be sure to bespeak a good Supper.

Whach.

Dam me I am overjoy'd Sir, if we joyn together we'll carry all the Town before us, your Servant sweet Sir, I'll be sure to bespeak Supper, do you love a huge Shoulder of Mutton and Oysters, and a couple of fat Capons in the first place.

Sir VVill.

Aye aye, very well: at Eight let it be.

VVhac.

Come Dingboy and Bluster, I am transported, I have much ado to forbear Huzzaing in the Mall.

Exit Whachum, Bluster and Dingboy.

Tope.

Did you ever meet such nauseous Rascals, they will convert more than the drunken Spartan Slaves.

Sir VVill.

Whett thy Rage and let us make examples of'em, now will I teaze my haughty Aunt, and confound my foolish Uncle.

Exeunt.