ACT I. (Book 1)
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A most excellent Sermon, and no doubt, Gentlemen, you have edisi'd much by it.
Sir, I find your Worship is no more afraid to be damn'd, than other fashionable Gentlemen of the Age: but, me-thinks, Halters and Axes should terrisie you. With reverence to your Worships, I've seen civiller men hang'd, and men of as pretty parts too. There's scarce a City in Spain but is too hot for you, you have committed such outrages wheresoe'r you come.
Come, for diversion, pray let's hear your Fool preach a little.
For my part, I cannot but be troubled, that I shall lose my honour by you, Sir; for people will be apt to say, Like Ma∣ster, like Man.
Your honour, Rascal, a Sow-gelder may better pre∣tend to it.
But I have another scruple, Sir.
What's that?
I fear I shall be hang'd in your company.
That's an honour you will ne'r have courage to de∣serve.
It is an honour I am not ambitious of.
Why does the Fool talk of hanging? we scorn all Laws.
It seems so▪ or you would not have cut your Elder Brother's throat. Don Lopez.
Why, you Coxcomb, he kept a good Estate from me▪ and I could not Whore and Revel fufficiently without it.
Look you, Jacomo, had he not reason?
Yes, Antonio, so had you to get both your Sisters with Child; 'twas very civil, I take it.
Yes, you Fool, they were lusty young handsome Wenches, and pleas'd my appetite. Besides, I sav'd the Honour of the Family by it▪ for if I had not, some body else would.
I, you Rascal.
Oh no, Sir, you are as innocent. To cause your good old Father to be kill'd was nothing.
It was something, and a good thing too, Sirra: his whole design was to debar me of my pleasures: he kept his purse from me, and could not be content with that, but still would preach his sensless Morals to me, his old dull foolish stuff against my pleasure. I caus'd him to be sent I know not whether. But he believ'd he was to go to Heav'n; I care not where he is, since I am rid of him.
Cutting his throat was a very good return for his be∣getting of you.
That was before he was aware on't, 'twas for his own sake, he ne'r thought of me in the business.
Heav'n bless us!
You Dog, I shall beat out your brains, if you dar•…•… be so impudent as to pray in my company.
•…•…ood Sir, I have done, I have done—
Prethee let the insipid Fool go on.
'Twere better thou wer't hang'd.
Repent! Cowards and Fools do that.
After the murder of your Father, the brave Don Pe∣dro, •…•…overnour of Sevil, for whom the Town are still in grief, was, in his own house, barb'rously kill'd by you.
Barbarously, you lie, you Rascal, 'twas finely done; I run him through the Lungs as handsomely, and kill'd him as decently, and as like a Gentleman as could be. The jealous Coxcomb deserv'd death, he kept his Sister from me; her eyes would have kill'd me if I had not enjoy'd her, which I could not do without killing him: Besides, I was alone, and kill'd him hand to fist.
I never knew you go to Church but to take Sanctuary for a Murder, or to rob Churches of their Plate.
Heav'n needs not be serv'd in Plate, but I had use on't.
How often have you scal'd the Walls of Monasteries? Two Nuns, I know, you ravish'd, and a third you dangerously wounded for her violent resistance.
The perverse Jades were uncivill, and deserv'd such usage.
Some thirty Murders, Rapes innumerable, frequent Sacrilege, Parricide; in short, not one in all the Catalogue of Sins have scap'd you.
My bus'ness is my pleasure, that end I will always compass, without scrupling the means; there is no right or wrong, but what conduces to, or hinders pleasure. But, you te∣dious insipid Rascal, if I hear more of your Morality, I will Car∣bonado you.
We live the life of Sense, which no fantastick thing, call'd Reason, shall controul.
My reason tells me, I must please my Sense.
My appetites are all I'm sure I have from Heav'n, since they are Natural, and them I always will obey.
I doubt it not, Sir, therefore I desire to shake hands and part.
D'ye hear, Dog, talk once more of parting, and I will saw your Wind-pipe. I could find in my heart to cut your Rascal's Nose off, and save the Pox a labour: I'll do't, Sirra, have at you.
Good Sir, be not so transported; I will live, Sir▪ and will serve you in any thing; I'll fetch a Wench, or any thing in the world Sir. O how I tremble at this Tyrant's rage.
Come, 'tis night, we lose time to our adventures.
I have bespoke Musick for our Serenading.
What will become of me? if I should leave him, he's so revengeful, he would travel o'r all Spain to find me out, and cut my throat. I cannot live long with him neither: I shall be hang'd, or knock'd o'th' head, or share some dreadful Fate or other with him. 'Tis just between him and me, as between the Devil and the Witch, Who repents her bargain, and would be free from future ills, but for the fear of present durst not venture.
Here comes Leonora, one of those multitudes of Ladies, he has sworn, li'd to, and betray'd.
Jacomo, where is Don John? I could not live to endure
a longer absence from him. I have sigh'd and wept my self away I 〈◊〉〈◊〉 but •…•…ve no lif•…•… le•…•… in me. His coldness and his absence 〈◊〉〈◊〉 gi•…•…en me fearful and killing 〈◊〉〈◊〉. Where is my Dear?
Your Dear, Madam! he's your's no more.
Heav'n! what do I hear? Speak, is he dead?
To you he is.
Le•…•…, Madam, he ne'r had any.
It is impossible, you speak this out of malice sure.
There's no man knows him better than I do. I have a greater respect for you, than for any he has betray'd, and will undeceive you: he is the most perfidious Wretch alive.
Has he forgot the Sacred Contract, which was made privately betwixt us, and confirm'd before the altar, during the time of holy Mass?
All times and places are alike to him.
Oh how assiduous was he in his passion! how many thousand vows and sighs he breath'd! what tears he wept, seeming to suffer all the cruel pangs which Lovers e'r endur'd! how eloquent were all his words and actions!
His person and his parts are excellent, but his base vices are beyond all measure: why would you believe him?
My own love brib'd me to believe him: I saw the man I lov'd more than the world. Oft on his knees, with his eyes up to Heav'n, kissing my hand with such an amorous heat, and with such ardor, breathing fervent vows of loyal Love, and venting sad complaints of extreme sufferings. I poor easie Soul, flatter∣ing my 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to think he meant as I did, lost all my Sexes faculty, Di•…•…embling; and in a moneth must I be thus betray'd?
Poor Lady! I cannot but have bowels for you; your sad Narration makes me weep in sadness: but you are better 〈◊〉〈◊〉 than others. I ne'r knew him constant a fortnight before.
Then, then he promis'd he would marry me.
If he were to live here one moneth longer, he wou'd marry half the Town, ugly and handsome, old and young:
nothing that's Female comes amiss to him—
Does he not fear a thunde•…•… bolt from Heav'n.
No, nor a D•…•…vil from •…•…ll. He owns no Deity but his voluptuous appetite, whose satisfaction he will compass by Murders, Rapes, Treasons, or ought else. But pray let me ask you one civil question, Did you not give him earnest of your Body, Madam.
Mock not my misery.
Oh! that confounds me. Ah! I thought him true, and lov'd him so, I could deny him nothing.
Why, there 'tis; I fear you have, or else he wou'd have marri'd you: he has marri'd six within this moneth, and promis'd fifteen more, all whom he has enjoy'd, and left, and is this night gone on some new adventure, some Rape or Murder, some such petty thing.
What a pox does she swound at the news! Alas! poor Soul, she has mov'd me now to pity, as she did to love. Ha! the place is private—If I should make use of a Natural Receit to refresh her, and bring her to life again, 'twould be a great pleasure to me, and no trouble to her. Hum! 'tis very private, and I dare sin in private. A deuce take her, she revives, and pre∣vents me.
Where is the cruel Tyrant! inhumane Monster! but I will strive to fortifie my self. But Oh my misfortune! Oh my misery! Under what strange Enchantments am I bound? Could he be yet a thousa•…•…d times more impious, I could not chuse but love his person still.
Be not so passionate; if you could be 〈◊〉〈◊〉, a•…•…d love your self, I'd put you in a way to ease your gri•…•…f now, and all your cares hereafter.
If you can now ease an afflicted Woman, who •…•…lse must shortly rid her self of life, imploy your charity; 'twas never plac'd yet on a Wretchneeded it more than I.
If Loyalty in a Lover be a Jewel! say no more, I can tell you where you may have it—
Speak not of truth in man, it is impossible.
Pardon me, I speak on my own knowledge.
Is your Master true then? and have you happily de∣ceiv'd me? Speak.
As true as all the power of Hell can make him.
If he be false, let all the world be so.
There's another-guess man than he, Madam.
He is a civil vertuous and discreet sober person.
Can there be such a man? what does he mean?
How! he may perhaps be brib'd by some other man, and what he said of his Master may be false.
How she surveys me! Fa-la-la
Who is this you speak of?
A man, who, envy must confess, has excellent parts, but those are gifts, gifts—meer gifts—thanks be to Heav'n for them.
But shall I never know his name?
He's one, whom many Ladies have honour'd with their affection; but no more of that. They have met disdain, and so forth. But he'll be content to marry you. Fa-la-la-la
Again I ask you who he is?
Lord, how inapprehensive she is? Can you not guess?
No.
Your humble Servant, Madam.
Yours, Sir.
It is my s•…•…lf in person; and upon my honour, I will be true and constant to you.
Insolent Varlet! am I faln so low to be thy scorn?
Scorn! as I am a Christian Soul, I am in earnest.
Audacious Villain! Impudence it self!
Ah, Madam▪ your Servant, your true Lover must en∣dure a thousand such bobs from his M•…•…stris; I can bear, Madam, I can.
Because thy Master has betray'd me, am I become so in∣famous?
'Tis something hard, Madam, to preserve a good re∣putation in his company; I can scarce do't my self.
Am I so miserable to descend to his man?
Descend, say you: Ha, ha, ha!
Now I perceive all's false which you have said of him. Farewell, you base ing•…•…ateful Fellow.
Hold, Madam, come in the morning and I will place you in the next room, where you shall over-hear our discourse. You'll soon discover the mistake, and find who 'tis that loves you. Retire, Madam, I hear some body coming.
Let me see, here lives a Lady: I have seen Don Octa∣vio haunting about this house, and making private signs to her. I never saw her face, but am resolv'd to enjoy her, because he likes her; besides, she's another Woman.
Antonio, welcome to our place of randezvous. Well, what game! what adventure!
Come, dear Lopez.
I have had a rare adventure.
What, dear Antonio?
I saw at a Vill•…•… not far off, a grave mighty bearded Fool, drinking Lemonado with his Mistris; I mislik'd his face, pluck'd him by the Whiskers, pull'd all one side of his Beard off, fought with him, run him through the thigh, carri'd away his Mistris,
serv'd her in her kind, and then let her go.
Gallantly perform'd, like a brave Souldier in an Ene∣mies Countrey: When they will not pay Contribution, you fight for Forrage.
Pox on't, I have been damnably unfortunate; I have neither beat man, nor lain with Woman to night, but faln in love most furiously: I dogg'd my new Mistris to her Lodging; she's Don B•…•…rnardo's Sister, and shall be my Punk.
I could meet with no willing Dame, but was fain to commit a Rape to pass away the time.
Oh! a Rape is the joy of my heart; I love a Rape, upon my Clavis, exceedingly.
But mine, my Lads, was such a Rape, it ought to be Registred; a noble and heroick Rape.
Ah! dear Don John!
How was it?
'Twas in a Church, Boys.
Ah! Gallant Leader!
Renown'd Don John!
Come, let's retire, you have done enough for once.
Not yet, Antonio, I have an Intrigue here.
Here are my Fidlers. Rank your selves close under this Win∣dow, and sing the Song I prepar'd.
Now Fidlers, be gone.
Retire, my Dear Octavia; read that Note. Adieu.
Good, she takes me for Octavio. I warrant you, Boys, I shall succeed in this adventure. Now my false Light assist me.
Go from this Window, within eight minutes you shall be admitted to the Garden dore. You know the Sign.
Ha! the Sign, Gad she lies, I know not the Sign.
What will you do? you know not the Sign. Let's away, and be contented this night.
My friends, if you love me, retire. I'll venture, though Thunderbolts should fall upon my head.
Are you mad? as soon as she discovers the deceit, she'll raise the house upon you, and you'll be murder'd.
She'll not raise the house for her own sake, but rather grant me all I ask to keep her counsell.
'Tis very dangerous: be care•…•…al of your self.
The more danger, the more delight: I hate the com∣mon road of pleasure. What! can I fear at such a time as this! The cowardly Deer are valiant in their Rutting time. I say, Be gone—
We'll not dispute your commands. Good luck to you.
How shall I know this devillish▪ Sign?
Ha! whom have we hear? some Serenading Coxcomb. Now shall we have some damn'd Song or other, a Cloris, or a Phillis at least.
SONG.
Cloris.•…•…hen you disperse your influence, Your dazling Beams are quick and clear, You so surprize and wound the sense, So bright a Miracle y'appear. Admiring Mort•…•…ls you asto•…•…ish so, No other Deity they know, But think that all Divinity's be low—One charming look from your illustrious Face, Were able to subdue Mankind, So sweet, so powerful a Grace Makes all men Lovers but the blind: Nor can they freedom by resistance gain, For each embraces the soft Chain, And never struggles with the pleasant pain.
Be gone! be gone! the Window opens.
'Sdeath! this is Octavio. I must dispatch him, or he'll spoil all; but I would fain hear the Sign first.
What strange mistake is this? Sure he did not receive▪ my Note, and then I am ruin'd.
She expects the Sign. Where's my Whistle? O here.
I have found it, that must be the Sign—
I dare not speak aloud, go to the Garden door.
'Sdeath, what Ruffian's this?
One that will be sure to cut your throat.
Make not a promise to your self of what you cann't perfo•…•…m.
I warrant you. Have at you.
O Heav'n! Octavio's fighting. Oh my heart!
Oh! I am slain—
I knew I should b•…•… as good as my word. I think you have it, Sir—Ha! 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he's dying—Now for the Lady—I'll draw him further off, that his groans may not disturb our pleasure—Stay—by your leave, Sir, I'll change Hat and Cloak with you, it may help me in my design.
O barbarous Villain!
They have done fighting, and I hear no noise. Oh un∣fortunate Woman! my dear Octavio's kill'd—
Perhaps, Madam, he has kill'd the other. I'll down to the Garden door; if he be well, he'll come •…•…hither, as well to satisfie his appointment, as to take refuge. Your Brother's safe, he may come in securely—
Haste! haste! Fly! fly! Oh Octavio. I'll follow her.
Now for the Garden door. This Whistle will do me excellent service. Now good luck—
Octavio?
The same.
Heav'n be prais'd, my Lady thought you had been kill'd.
I am unhurt: let's quickly to her.
Oh! he'll be over-joy'd to see you alive.
I'll make her more over-joy'd before I have don•…•… with •…•…er. This is a rare adventure!
Here's your Jewel, Madam, speak softly.
O my dear Octavio! have I got you within these arms?
Ay, my Dear, unpierc'd by any thing but by your eyes.
Those will do you no hurt. But are you sure you are not wounded?
I am. Let me embrace my pretty Dear; and yet she may be a Blackamore for ought I know—
We'll reti•…•…e to my Chamber. Flora, go out, and prepare us a Collation.
O admirable adventure! Come, my Delight.
Where's my pious Master?
We left him hereabouts. I wonder what he has done in his adventure: I believe he has had •…•…ome busle.
I thought I heard fighting hereabout.
Gad forgive me! fighting! where! where!
O thou incorrigible Coward!
See, here's some of his handy-wor•…•…▪ here's a man kill'd▪
Another murder. Heav'n, what wi•…•… become of me? •…•… shall be hang'd, yet dare not •…•…un away •…•…om h•…•…m.
Stand! who are there?
We do stand, Rascal, we never use to run.
Now shall I be taken and hang'd for my Master's murder.
Stand, you Dog! offer once more to run, and I'll put Bilbow in your guts.
Gad forgive me! what will become of me?
What's here? a man murder'd? yield, you are my prisoners.
With all my heart! but as I hope to be sav'd, we did not kill him, Sir
These must be the murderers, disarm 'em.
How now, Rascal! disarm us!
We are not us'd to part with our Swords.
I care not a farthing for my Sword, 'tis at your service.
Do you hear, Rascal; keep it, and fight, or I'll swear the murder against you.
Offer to flinch, and I'll run you through.
Take their Swords, or knock 'em down.
A pox on't, I had as good fight and die, as be taken and be hang'd.
Are you gone, you Dogs? I have pinck'd some of you.
Ah Rogues! Villains! I have met with you.
O brave Jacomo! you fought like an imprison'd Rat: The Rogue had conceal'd Courage, and did not know it.
O Cowards! Rascals! a man can get no honour by fight∣ing with such Poletroons! but for all that, I will prudently withdraw, this place will suddenly be too hot for us.
Once in your life you ar•…•… in the right, Jacomo.
O good Sir, there is as much to be ascribed to Conduct, as to Courage, I assure you.
Speak softly, my Dear; should my Brother hear us, we are ruin'd.
Though I can scarce contain my joy, I will. O she's a rare Creature in the dark, pray Heav'n she be so in the light.
O Heav'n! I am ruin'd and betray'd.
He has Octavio's clothes on.
O he has murder'd him. My Brother shall revenge it.
I will cut his throat if he offers it.
Thieves! Murder! Murder! Thieves!
Thieves! Murder! Murder! Thieves!
I will stop your shrill wind-pipes.
'Sdeath! a man in my Sister's Chamber! Have at you, Villain.
Come on, Villain.
Murder! Murder!
O Villain, thou hast kill'd my Brother, and dishonour'd me.
O your Master's murder'd!
So many of you; 'tis no matter: your Hero's in Plays beat five times as many. Have at you, Rogues.
Now give me the Key of the Garden, or I'll murder thee.
Murder! Murder! There, take it—
So, thus far it is well; this was a brave adventure. 'Mongst all the Joys which in the world are sought, None are so great as those by dangers bought.