An historical romance of the wars between the mighty giant Gallieno, and the great knight Nasonius, and his associates

CHAP. VI. How Nasonius treated with the Great Lucifero about driving his Father Eugenius out of his three Kingdoms and get them to himself. And how all the Furies of Hell, were let loose, and sent into Utopia, to stir up the Subjects to Rebellion. (Book 6)

MAny days together lasted these Nuptial Solemnities, and never was there seen such Universal rejoicing and Feasting through∣out Luyslandia, as was at that Season. But it pass'd far otherwise in the Hydropick Country, and least of all with the discomfited Knight Na∣sonius. He had suffered the Lady Victoria to be taken from him by plain force: He had utterly lost his Honour as well by getting her unlawfully, as by not being able to keep her. He saw that King Gallieno was like to en∣croach daily upon the Hydropick Territories, and that little help was to be expected from Don Ibero, whose best Politicks were meer folly, his Souldiers half starv'd for want of Meat and Cloaths, a••d their Consul∣tations nothing but empty Braggs, and haughty Bluster. He knew well much assistance might come to him from the War like Dukes, Bawwaw, Tricongio, and other Potentates of Regomania, had he but Money to hire and pay their Souldiers. But where was that to be had? Himself had lost his own Patrimony in Luyslandia; and was but a pitiful poor Knight himself, or, as some Authors write, but a kind of better sort of Burgher, living mostly upon his Pay as a Souldier, allow'd him by the Hy∣dra; and so could spare nothing out of his own Purse. He had an Un∣cle and Father-in-Law, whose Daughter he had Married hight Eugenius King of Vtopia, Carduana, and Lyramia; a Pious and mild Prince, af∣ter whose Kingdoms he had a long time gap'd, and had by the assistance of the Idol Mammoneta, by his private Emissaries sown much discontent, and ••issatisfaction towards him amongst his Subjects, and dispos'd ma∣ny of them to Rebellion: To which many of them, especially those of the Panym Party were prone enough of themselves, seeing how much their immedi••te Predecessors had thriven by driving that Devillish Trade. The only difficulty that stuck with him was how he might go about it with Security that he should not miscarry in the attempt, in regard that King Eugenius was of his own nature mild and Merciful, and never bur∣den'd

his Subjects with Taxes, for which reason he had a very great Party Faithful and Loyal to him. Wherefore Nasonius, to get rid of this Perplexity, call'd his best Friend, Sodomicus to him; and asked hm by what means, (good or bad) he might be certified aforehand, of the success of his undertaking; not doubting but that if it took effect he could do well enough; for then he could either by dissimulation gull the credulous People of Vtopia, who were of such an unwary and silly Humour, that they would easily believe all that was told them that sounded maliciously, and even lov'd to be deluded: Or else he could by Authority crush, or put to death all that durst oppose, or approach to him. He told him too, that he had already consulted the Star-Wiz∣ard Sydrophell, but that he answer'd, he could see no Phaenomena, or In∣dications of Astrology that cou'd give him any certainty of it; and to tell you true, added Nasonius, I had as live hear him tell me of Pigs, and Sows, and their Sties, as talk to me of Bulls, and Bears, and Lyons, and their Caelestial Houses. Now to acquaint you, whom I dare trust with my true Thoughts, I had rather apply my self to the Black Art, as the surer way, but that I fear it may be against the Rules of Piety.

At this Sodomicus cou'd hold no longer. Piety! said he, Are you yet such a Puny, such a Novice in Politicks, as to stand upon the weak sup∣ports of that sneaking Vertue, Piety? Cou'd the Hydropick Commo••∣wealth ever have been raised, upheld, or grown to this pitch, but by re∣nouncing utterly that puleing Consideration? Did we mind Piety when we rebell'd against our Lawful King Don Ibero Formalitoso? Or when we robb'd foolish Vtopia of so many Plantations, Massacr'd her Mer∣chants in Ambyona, plunder'd their Ware-houses, &c. Or are we ever the worse esteem'd for it now? Do we not see how the good-natur'd Puppies the Vtopians do whine after us, and court our Friendship. Or does any Monarch in the World for that reason refuse to treat with our Ambassadors? I tell you, POWER is all in all: Get but Power, and let the demure Gentlewoman Piety go hang her self. In a word, get b••t Powe••, and what by interested Men, Di••ines, or others, what by the Authority of great Men who partake of Power, and influence the Peo∣ple; what by the Connivance of the Fearful, which make up the gene∣rality, Po••er will be able to justify, nay, to sanctify it self. At these Words, Nasonius embracing him affectionately, cried out in a kind tone. Sodomicus! Better half of my self! Thou hast spoken my very Thoughts, and prevented my declaring that which I would have said, but (pardon my diffidence) durst not openly and abruptly discover. Hereafter therefore assist me with thy Advice, in the pursuit of that glorious

End, and thou shalt see that I will in all things follow thy Counsel. There are, said Sodomicus in the Hellish Country of Laplandia, certain old Haggs, who have infinite familiarity with the Infernal Spirits, and have often sold Winds to our Country-Men for old Rags, and mouldy Crusts: Over these Beldams there is one of incomparable Skill, hight Crampogna, her I would have your Highness send for immediately; fol∣low her profound Advice, and know of her the Event of your under∣taking.

As soon as Nasonius heard this, without further pause, he presently dispatch'd a Vessel with a Messenger, and such Presents as he was in∣form'd would be most acceptable unto her, requesting her attendance on him. The Witch answer'd, I will be there before thee. And so with∣out any more ado, embarking her self in an Egg-Shell, or as some Au∣thors say, in a Rotten-Orange-Peel, or as others say, getting a stride up∣on a Broom-staff, she arriv'd in the Hydropick Land in the space of two Hours, and signified to Nasonius in his Dream, That he shou'd meet her the next Evening in a Fog, near the side of a stinking Fen, well known un∣to him. As soon as he came to the place, he saw the grisly Hag with Hollow Eyes, Dishelveld Hair, Lank Cheeks, and Shrivell'd Chaps, who chatter'd out this Rhime.

Thou art too great, With me to Treat; Send for my Lord Lucifero, And all things well with thee will go.

Nasonius, though he was couragious enough in bad things, yet at first was something stumbl'd at this sudden Proposal; but being over-shooes in Impiety already, he resolv'd to wade through: And bade the Witch send for him, or call him up. Whereupon, turning her self nine times round one way, and as often back again, and repeating a long ribble-row of Prayers backwards; at length, in a kind of Exta∣tick Amazement she yell'd out,

Brimstone I smell, The Breath of Hell; He comes, he flies, Through Earth, through Skies.

Draw near, draw near, Appear, appear, Not with a Look that may affright, But with a Shape that may delight.

Upon which words appear'd Lucifero with Horns on his Head, and a cloven Foot, but in all other appearances, a most accomplish'd Gentle∣man:

The first word he spake, he bid Nasonius not to fear, for he was his Friend, and knew well his Design; which was to drive his pious Father out of his three Kingdoms, and get them for himself. Know then, continued he, that it was I that inspired thee with this Thought, and I will carry thee through: only thou must wed spiritually, or take to Wife I mean Concubine, (for we hate all Marriages) my eldest Daugh∣ter Ambitiosa Superba; That is, thou must give thy whole Heart to her, hold to her constantly, and follow all her Motions and Inspirations, which done, she with her Maids of Honour will easily bring that design of thine to Perfection.

Nasonius thank'd him for the high Favour in dignifying him with the Honourable Title of his Son; professing that he had ever lov'd and ador'd that Goddess, though (hindred by some foolish Christian Principles, in∣still'd by Education, or taken up upon the Paroll of Preachers; which from hence-forward he utterly abjurd) he had not till now made his im∣mediate applications to her great Father, and espous'd her: Humbly beg∣ging by his good leave a sight of that high-spirited Princess. With that, Lucifero gave a dreadful stamp with his Cloven-Foot, which made the Earth tremble, and crack asunder, when out of the Breach issued forth an horrible Cloud of Blewish Smoak which darkned all the Sky, and that once dissipated, there appear'd the stately Lady Ambitiosa with a train of Black-Brow'd Furies, or Fiends attending her: Her self was clad in a gorgeous Robe, with many great Crowns dangling about it, spurning many lesser ones, and trampling them under her Feet. Her lofty Head seem'd to reach the very Skies, and her grasping Hand seem'd to pull down Heaven it self. But, after a while descending from her height, approaching Nasonius, she took him kindly by the hand, with these words: Here take me, and with me the Glory thou affectest, and the three Crowns thou so much desirest. Acknowledge the great Honour I do thee, and see thou observest me in all things, and so shalt thou be sure to be great as far as thy Cursed Fates will permit thee. See here my Train, my Maids of Honour, who will assist in accomplishing thy Pro∣jects, and going before thee into Vtopia, so prepare the Minds of those sottish People, who are far the better half at my Father's Devotion al∣ready, that thou shalt have little to do but to gather the Fruit, and reap the rich Harvest which they shall prepare for thee.

Then calling 'em forth one after another first stept out the proud Fu∣ry Rebelliosa, of so way-ward, and ungovernable a Humour, that she would scarce obey even great Lucifero himself, but that she knew he would only command her such things as were most agreeable to her own

Inclination. To whom Ambitiosa said, What wilt thou do for my de∣voted Servant Nasonius to obtain him his Father's three Kingdoms? I will, answer'd Rebelliosa with a lofty tone, fill the Hearts, Heads and Tongues of the Vtopians. with Murmurs and Discontents against their kind and lawful King Eugenius, so that they shall be ready to rebel, and drive him out, when ever they shall get an Opportunity to do it with safe∣ty. Fear not thy success, great part of that Nation are my sworn Slaves already. 'Twas I who inspir'd them to make War against his Father Eusebius. 'Twas to me they Sacrificed a Hundred Thousand of that Dam∣nable Sect call'd Loyallists, for which I rewarded them afterwards with Riches and Preferments. Lastly, 'Twas I, that, to crown my trium∣phant Exploits, inspir'd them to cut off his Head; and the same Fate, if it suit with thy Policy, shall betide his Son.

This said, Rebelliosa retir'd and there came forward next a monstrous deform'd Hag, whose ill-contriv'd Shape much resembled that of a Chymera, as the Poets describe it: Her Eyes squinted contrary ways; Her Feet interfer'd with one another, and all her Parts hung loose, as if they were inartificially tied on with Points, without any Natural Contexture or Coherence. Of whom, when Nasonius had demanded her Name; my Name, said she, with a confident look and tone is Alethia, I am Truth it self, and cannot lye. But Ambitiosa interrupting her, and turning to Nasonius, said, Believe her not, my Friend, her Name is Fictitiosa, she is the Spirit of Lying, and her Nature such, that she cannot say true, but only when she is to answer my dread Father Lucifero, or my self. Then turning her self to the Fiend Fictitiosa, she demanded of her what she would do to get her truest Gallant Nasonius his Fa∣ther's three Kingdoms? I will said she, spread thousands of hor∣rid Lyes against Eugenius, his Queen, and their Son all over Vtopia, to dis∣affect his Subjects, and make them hate him; I will inspire the Pamphlet∣teers, News-Writers, Lampooners, and others of the State-Scribblers with the Genius of forging 'till almost all the Land be possest with the Spirit of Falshood and Lying Nay, the Pulpits out of which they preach the Do∣ctrine of their God, and the Preachers themselves shall be deeply tainted with my venemous Infection.

After her came out a third Fury, which look'd like a Fool, or meer Ninny, in a long mothly Coat, with a Niaisy Countenance, a gaping Mouth, her Head hanging down, and a great Bibb on her Breast to re∣ceive her Slaver, staggering and stammering still as she walk'd and spoke. And what, said Nasonius, Can this silly thing do in my behalf? As much replied Ambitiosa, as any of the rest. She is the Spirit of Folly, and her name

Fatuitosa Credula, let her self speak, and tell thee what she will perform; I will, said Fatuitosa, so besot and infatuate the People of Vtopia, that they shall give full Credit to all Fictitiosa's Lyes, tho' never so monstrous and incredible; by which means I will make them Abdicate their Heredi∣tary King, tho' were they not absolutely my Creatures, they might easily see that it would breed endless Distractions. I will stir them up to make War against the Powerful and Politick Giant Gallieno, tho' to their vast Charge, and the utter destroying their Traffick and Comme••ce. I will in∣spire them with the refin'd Folly, that they shall voluntarily and content∣edly beggar themselves to maintain the War of the Hydra, tho' they can∣not but know that it laughs at them for it, as great Fools; and in their Hearts hates them. Nay, I will so totally and perfectly dose their Reason, and common Sense, that they shall magnify and adore thee Na∣sonius all the while thou doest impoverish, abuse, and ruine them, and (which I esteem my chief Master piece) they shall thank thee, and con∣gratulate with thee, not for any real Benefits they have receiv'd from thee, but meerly because thou hast beggar'd and ruin'd them.

At these last words Nasonius took the Jest to fully, and relish'd it so feelingly, that, (tho' it were a thing unusual with him) he could not refrain from shewing his high Contentment with a pleasant Smile. Till, as he was going to return an high complement to Ambitiosa for such a no∣table assistant, by telling her, That the very Folly of Lucifero's Courtiers out-witted, and over-reached the highest Wisdom of Mortals; there ap∣peared a fourth Fury with a surly Countenance, that came in stamping and staring, cursing the Earth for bearing her, the Air for giving her Health, and the Sun for lending her Light. Nasonius all amaz'd at such an uncouth kind of Fiend intreated of Ambitiosa the Knowledge of her Name and Nature. Her Name, replied Ambitiosa is Diabolica, and she is the Spirit of Ingratitude. She had that particular Name given her as an high Reward for her great Merit; for she was the forwardest to oppose that cursed Angel Michael, when he endeavoured to debauch our Confe∣derate Angels, from joining with us in Rebellion, by alledging the Gra∣titude (forsooth) we owe to God, as being our Creatour, and who gave us our Being, and all the Good we had; and who is in greater Esteem with my Father Lucifero than she? Nasonius being a Gentleman well-bred, and full of Courtesie, thought it was his Duty, and would be grateful to Lucifero, to pass upon such an high Personage, and so great a Fa∣vourite of his a special Complement. Whereupon approaching to her with a low Bow, and kissing his Hand, he was about a very formal Ex∣pressing his Respects to her; But she, with her Fist gave him such a sound

Cuff on the Ear, that (being but limber Hamm'd) his Proboseis well nigh toucht the Ground; so that he had much ado to recover himself. To take off his trouble and fear, Ambitiosa told him, it was Diabolica's Nature to render Evil for Good; and that had he not followed her inspiration for∣merly in being ungrateful to his Father, who had done him so many Fa∣vours she had certainly done him some great Mischief for his Kind∣ness: But she bid him rest contented with that Fury's candid dealing: For had she saluted or kiss'd him, she would most certainly have kill'd him.

After Nasonius had certainly well recover'd himself, and come to his Senses and Wits again, Diabolica thus accosted him; Fond Mortal! who could so think, that I, who am Ingratitude it self could be won or o∣blidg'd by any Courtesies. Thou might'st have known by thy self, who art one of my greatest Devotes, that Civilities and Kindnesses are not the way to oblige me, and had not thy great Merits in being ungrateful to thy obliging Father represt my fury, this had been thy last day, and all thy ambitious Projects had vanish'd to Smoak: But for following my Inspi∣rations I have both spar'd thee, and will reward thee. Perhaps thou think'st that my Sisters have left nothing for me to do for thee; but thou art much mistaken. Thy Father Eugenius has hugely obliged many Per∣sonages of the highest Rank, and the chief Officers in the Army, nay, in∣deed the whole Army it self, by being so good a Master to them; and un∣less these be taken off, and rendred ungrateful, they will give thee such disturbance as will quite ruin all thy Undertakings; but I will take such order, that they shall all of them either desert or oppose him; for I will infuse such a subtil Poyson into the wretched Souls of those most oblig'd to him, that most of them, nay, his own Flesh and Blood, as his own ve∣ry Children, shall be the first Traytors to him, and his bitterest Ene∣mies.

Nasonius, upon hearing this comfortable News, taking fresh Heart, blam'd himself for being so foolishly unmindful of her Genius, and humbly ask'd of her, (for he was deadly afraid of the t' other Cuff) if it wou'd not disoblige her, to return her his humble Thanks. If thou wilt oblige me replied Diabolica, be sure thou never repentest thy Ingra∣titude to thy Father or others, but continuest it unto the end. But par∣ticularly, be sure thou dost not shew the least Gratitude to the Vtopians, though hey foolishly serve thee against their own Interest: But both dis∣oblige those who have first and most assisted hee, and do all thou canst to requite the Kindnesses of that Sottish Nation with their utter ruin. Huff their Nobility as occasion presents, and imprison them Lawlessly; Pay not

their Souldiers, nor any who are so foolish as to trust thee with their Goods, Stores, or other Commodities. Regard not the Seamen though most useful to thee, nor pay 'em their Wages: Only give the Fops good Words, and some little Pittance to keep up their Folly to trust and serve thee further. Give the Royal Assent to no National Bills, that may in a∣ny wise serve to support or secure their pretended Rights, Liberties, and Properties; nor to any others that do not strengthen thy Power, enable thee to crush their Persons, and drain their Pockets. Thou must also use thy utmost endeavour to procure an Act to Endenise all the Rascally Re∣fuse of thy Noble Allies, especially our beloved Hydropicks and vagrant Luyslandian Panyms, by which means they will eat the Bread out of the foolish, and tame Vtopians Mouths; Rob their Cloaths from their Backs, and reduce them and their Posterity to utmost Beggary and Slavery. They have made themselves thy Slaves, use them accordingly.

Nasonius was about to assure her of his doing his utmost to follow this Advice, when there steps forward another Fury in a Rich Gown of Cloth of Silver, richly Embroider'd with massy Gold, studded all over with Faces and Stamps of divers sorts and figures; who said, I am the great Goddess Mammoneta, chief Idol of the accursed Sons of Adam. What I will do for thee thou shalt know when thou comest to con∣fer with the Heads of the Hydra, whom I will require to serve thee hear∣tily for their own Interest. At this, Lucifero put in; see, said he, that thou Sacrificest the Wealth of Vtopia to my best beloved Hydra, and in all things seekest her Advantage. For know that none are so dear to our Deity ever since they in the Indies formally renounc'd and Crucify'd God, and chose to adore my Slave Mammoneta in his stead for their God∣dess: which binds me to requite their highly Meritorious Apostacy with temporal Wealth.

When he had thus said, there came forward two He Fiends, of which one was a bold, brisk Blade, clad in a long Gown, with a short purple Cloak over it, and a Square Cap like a Judge, and seem'd to be a Devil of great Authority. The other in a black short Vest, between a Cassock and a Jump, a little formal narrow Band, and a Black Velvet Cap, with another of white underneath turn'd up over the Edges of the other, with a Lace, who walkt gravely and demurely with his Eyes lift up to Heaven, as if he were in some divine Contemplation, and in the height of Prayer; with a little Bible in his Hand, making shew by his gestures and actions as if his Prayer ended, he were about to hold forth. These are, said Lucife∣ro, two of my chief, and most useful Servants, by name Injurioso, and Hypocritico; the former my Chancellor, the latter my Chaplain: who, at

the inspiration of Mammoneta (which Idol, being of the same Religion with the Hydra the adore) will, to give thee Title, wrest both Law and Gospel, and make both the Bar and the Pulpit be at thy Devotion. Speak both of you in your Turns, continued he, and declare what you will do for my best beloved Son Nasonius.

What will I do? says Injurioso; Why I will inspire the Judges and the Lawyers with such Quirks and Quillets, that they shall Torture and writh the Laws of the Land with their Face backwards, till they come to ac∣knowledge thee their rightful Monarch: I will teach them how to make out Eugenius's Abdication in despight of all those Antiquated Rules of Common Sense and Reason, which foolish Mortals follow'd hitherto: By which means they shall satisfy those who are unskilful; or else they shall punish imprison, and adjudge to Death those overwise Fools who dare declare themselves for Eugenius, or Speak, Write, Print, or Publish a∣ny thing in his Favour.

And I, said Hypocritico, with a grave and goodly look and tone, do Prosess verily and truly, that I will inspire all those Bishops and Preachers who do bear a servent Devotion to the Goddess Mammone••a (as the ge∣nerallity do) to teach dis-allegiance to thy Father, and Allegiance to thee out of their Pulpits; nay, they shall assure their Hearers in the Name of the Lord; and quote the wrested Word of their God to abet it, That thou art their true and Lawful Soveraign, God's Annointed and Vicegerent on Ea••th. Nay more, verily, they shall pray for thee too, and by obliging their sheepish Flock to say Amen, they shall innure their Conscience to fancy that their Treason is a special act of Religion. Lastly they shall maintain it Lawful to unswear their former Oaths made to Eugenius, and swear 'em to thee as their only Lawful King and supream Governour, and even Sanctify Perjury by their devout Pretence of Religiousness.

These Goblins disappearing, Lucifero turning himself to Nasonius, said these words, Thou seest my dear Son, how by the Care of Ambiti∣osa, and her Maids of Honour and my willy Servants, Jujurioso, and H••prcritico, all the way is pav'd and smooth'd to the glorius end thou aimest at. See thou beest a Constant and Loyal Lover to my Daughter Ambitiosa, adore her, and her only next to me; observe all her ways, and follow steadily all her Inspirations, fear not that thy pretending Re∣ligion will displease me; 'tis the best Cloak for all my Darling Villanies, and makes them more sucessfull; but take heed of setting up that Re∣ligion which is the true one, and values its self upon the score of its Principles, especially in Carduana, where I have many Panym Servants, (whom I would wish should have some particular Favour.) But the better

to keep up a conterfeit Pretence of being kind and equall, give freedom to all; and if thou canst jumble 'em all into one motly Church: If not, let all Sects whatsoever, even Atheists, and Socinians, which are next to them, hold and teach what they will, as does my Servant the Hydra: For that's the only plausible way to make Mortals be of no Religion at all. For the rest, advise with the Hydropick Heads; I my self will be present invisibly at all you•• Consultations, and direct your Councils in the way of true Policy, which teaches you not to regard the un∣lawfulness of the means you make use of, but resolutely to pursue the end you drive at. In a word, behave thy self so as best becomes the Son and sworn Slave of Lucifero. Hereupon Nasonius kneeling, and laying his Right Hand on his Cloven-Foot, sware all Duty and Vassal∣lage to him, and Loyalty to the Goddess of his Soul, ••mbitiosa; who at parting warn'd him not to engage too rashly with the Enchant∣ed Giant Gallieno, but to make use of the Letters of his partial Friends, and his own Gazzetts (th•• Gospel of the vulgar) to keep up the repute of his Courage and Conduct. Which said, the Hellish Scene quite dis∣appear'd and Nasonius full of Joy return'd home, and the next day went merrily to hunt at Holoo, having perfect Faith and hope ••n the Assi∣stance of Lucifero, and of his haughty, new betroth'd Mistress, Am∣bitiosa.