Seneca's morals abstracted in three parts : I. of benefits, II. of a happy life, anger, and clemency, III. a miscellany of epistles / by Roger L'Estrange.

CHAP. XVIII. The Blessings of Friendship. (Book 18)

OF all Felicities, the most Charm∣ing is that of a Firm, and Gen∣tle Friendship. It sweetens all our Cares; Dispells our Sorrows; and Counsels us in all Extremities. Nay, if there were no other Comfort in't, than the bare Exercise of so Generous a Virtue, even for that Single Rea∣son, a Man would not be without it. Beside, that it is a Sovereign Antidote against all Calamities; even against the Fear of Death it self.

BUT, we are not yet to number our a 1.1 Friends, by the Visits that are made us; and to con∣found the Decencies of Cere∣mony, and Commerce, with the Offices of United Affections. Caius Gracchus, and after him, Livius Dru∣sus,

were the Men that introduc'd a∣mong the Romans, the Fashion of se∣parating their Visitants: Some were taken into the Closet; Others were only admitted into the Anti-Chamber; and some again were fain to wait in the Hall perhaps, or in the Court. So that they had their First, their Second, and their Third-rate Friends; but none of them True: Only they are call'd so in Course, as we Salute Strangers with some Title or other of Respect at a Venture. There's no depending upon those Men that only take their Complement in their Turn, and ra∣ther slip through the Dore, than en∣ter at it: He will find himself in a great Mistake, that either seeks for a Friend in a Palace, or tries him at a Feast.

THE great Difficulty rests in the b 1.2 Choice of him; that is to say, in the First place, let him be Virtuous; for Vice is Con∣tagious, and there's no trust∣ing of the Sound, and the Sick toge∣ther: And he ought to be a Wise Man

too, if a body knew where to find him: But, in this Case, he that is least Ill, is Best; and the highest Degree of Humane Prudence is, only the most Venial Folly. That Friendship, where Mens Affections are Cimented by an equal, and by a Common Love of Goodness, it is not either Hope, or Fear, or any Private Interest that can ever Dissolve it; but we carry it with us to our Graves, and lay down our Lives for it with satisfaction. Pauli∣na's Good, and Mine, (sayes our Au∣thor) were so wrapt up together, that in Consulting Her Comfort, I pro∣vided for my Own: and when I could not prevail upon Her to take less Care for Me, she prevail'd upon me to take more Care of my Self. Some People make it a Question, Whether is the greater Delight, the Enjoying of an Old Friendship: or, the Acqui∣ring of a New one; but, it is in the Preparing of a Friendship, and in the Possession of it, as it is with a Husband∣man, in Sowing, and Reaping. His Delight is the Hope of his Labor in the

One Case, and the Fruit of it in the Other. My Conversation lies among my Books, but yet in the Letters of a Friend methinks I have his Company; and when I Answer them, I do not only Write, but Speak: And in Ef∣fect, a Friend is an Eye, a Heart, a Tongue, a Hand, at all Distances. When Friends see one another perso∣nally, they do not see one another as they do when they are Divided, where the Meditation dignifies the Prospect: But they are effectually in a great measure Absent, even when they are Present. Consider their Nights apart; their Private Studies; their separate Employments, and Necessary Visits, and they are almost as much together Divided, as Present. True Friends are the whole World to one another; and he that is is a Friend to himself, is also a Friend to Mankind. Even in my very Studies, the greatest Delight I take in what I Learn, is the Teach∣ing of it to Others: For, there's no Relish, methinks, in the Possessing of

any thing without a Partner: Nay, if Wisdome it self were offer'd me, up∣on Condition only of keeping it to my self, I should undoubtedly refuse it.

LUCILIUS tells me, that he has Written to me by a c 1.3 Friend, but cautions me withal, not to say any thing to him of the Af∣fair in Question; for he him∣self stands upon the same Guard. What is this, but to Affirm, and to Deny the same thing, in the same Breath; in cal∣ling any Man a Friend, whom we dare not trust as our own Soul? For, there must be no Reserves in Friendship: As much Deliberation as you please, be∣fore the League is Struck: but, no Doubtings, or Jealousies, after. 'Tis a Preposterous weakness to Love a Man before we Know him, and not to Care for him after. It requires Time, to consider of a Friendship; but, the Resolution once taken, Entitles him to my very heart, I look upon my

thoughts to be as safe in his Breast, as in my Own; I shall, without any Scruple, make him the Confident of my most Secret Cares, and Counsels. It goes a great way toward the Ma∣king of a Man Faithful, to let him un∣derstand, that you Think him so; and he that does but so much as Suspect that I will Deceive him, gives me a kind of Right to Cozen him. When I am with my Friend, methinks I am alone, and as much at Liberty to Speak any thing, as to Think it; And as our Hearts are One, so must be our In∣terests, and Convenience: For Friend∣ship layes all things in Common, and nothing can be Good to the One, that is Ill to the Other. I do not speak of such a Community as to destroy one anothers Propriety; but as the Father, and the Mother have two Children, not one a Piece, but each of them Two.

BUT, let us have a Care above all things, that our Kindness d 1.4 be rightly founded; for, where there is any other Invitation to Friendship, than the Friendship it self, that Friendship will be Bought, and Sold. He derogates from the Ma∣jesty of it, that makes it only depen∣dent upon Good Fortune. It is a Narrow Consideration for a Man to please himself in the thought of a Friend, because, sayes he, I shall have One to help me, when I am Sick; in Prison, or in Want. A Brave Man should rather take delight in the Contemplation of Doing the same Offices for another. He that loves a Man for his own Sake, is in an Error. A Friendship of Interest cannot last any longer than the Interest it self; and this is the Reason that Men in Prosperity are so much follow'd; and when a Man goes down the Wind, no body comes near him. Tempo∣rary Friends will never stand the Test.

One Man is Forsaken for Fear, or Pro∣fit; Another is Betray'd: 'Tis a Ne∣gotiation, not a Friendship, that has an Eye to Advantages: only through the Corruption of Times, that which was formerly a Friendship, is now be∣come a Design upon a Booty; Alter your Testament, and you lose your Friend. But, my End of Friendship, is to have One dearer to me than my Self; and for the saving of whose Life, I would chearfully lay down my Own: taking this along with me, that only Wise Men can be Friends; Others are but Companions; and that there's a great Difference also betwixt Love, and Friendship; The One may some∣time do us Hurt; the Other alwayes does us Good; for One Friend is Helpful to Another in all Cases, as well in Prosperity, as Affliction. We receive Comfort even at a Distance, from those we Love, but then it is Light, and Faint: whereas Presence, and Conversation touches us to the Quick; especially if we find the Man

we Love to be such a person as we wish.

IT is Usual with Princes to Re∣proach the Living, by Com∣mending the Dead; and to* 1.5 Praise those People for speak∣ing Truth, from whom there is no longer any Danger of Hearing it. This was Augustus his Case. He was forc'd to banish his daughter Iulia, for her Common, and Prostituted Im∣pudence; and still, upon Fresh Infor∣mations, he was often heard to say; If Agrippa, or Mecaenas had been now a∣live, this would never have been. But yet where the Fault lay, may be a Question; for perchance it was his Own, that had rather complain for the Want of them, than seek for O∣thers as Good. The Roman Losses by War, and by Fire, Augustus could quickly Supply, and Repair; but for the Loss of Two Friends, he lamented his whole Life after. Xerxes (a Vain, and a Foolish Prince) when he made War upon Greece, One told him,

'Twould never come to a Battel: Ano∣ther, That he would find only empty Cities, and Countryes, for they would not so much as stand the very Fame of his Coming; Others sooth'd him in the Opinion of his Prodigious Numbers, and they all concurr'd to puff him up to his destruction. Only Demaratus advis'd him, not to depend too much upon his Numbers, for he would rather find them a Burthen to him than an advan∣tage: And that 300 Men in the Streights of the Mountains, would be sufficient to give a Check to his whole Army; and that such an Accident would Undoubtedly turn his vast Numbers to his Confusion. It fell out afterward as he foretold, and he had Thanks for his Fidelity. A Mise∣rable Prince, that among so many Thousand Subjects, had but One Ser∣vant to tell him the Truth!

Notes

• a 1.1

  Every Man is not a Friend that makes us a Visit.
• b 1.2

  The Choice of a Friend.
• c 1.3

  There must be no Reserves in Friendship.
• d 1.4

  A Generous Friendship.
• * 1.5

  e The Loss of a Friend is hardly to be Repair'd.